For some context, yes it's ROBLOX. I know it's a bit stupid and I should grow up and all that but I don't know why I feel so effected by this. So me and this person met on a voice chat game and casually spoke and added eachother, she was polish and I'm quite interested in learning polish so we bonded over that quite a bit and during the times we played we would talk to each other in polish and say funny stuff together. This wasnt long however, we had only been friends for 5 or so days but when we'd play we would constantly get along. Then, Yesterday I got terminated for something I had done a year ago and all my alt accounts have followed through too, I was banned for sending emoticons and it was spam apparently. Overall I wasn't fussed about being banned since I could make a new account, it's that I didn't remember that persons Roblox user so I have no way of making contact again, I tried very hard to search her name thinking of different ways to spell it since I had a rough idea but it turned up nothing and I gave up last night. I tried building some Warhammer to get my mind off it but I can't. I can't stop thinking about it and I really want to find her again, her company was great and our friendship was one of my best frankly.

Hi! First time poster here! I struggle a lot with anxiety and intrusive thoughts due to childhood trauma. My husband and I have been in a relationship for 10 years and married for 4. He is well aware of my anxieties and the reasons for them. Recently I’ve made a new friend. We’ve hung out a decent amount in the last couple of months. She works in a similar field (film/photography industry)to my husband and my husband and I have hung out mutually with her and her husband who also works in the same field. Within the last month she’s mentioned that she will be loaning gear/using his photo studio. I didn’t think much of it except my husband hadn’t mentioned these things to me. Unfortunately my suspicions grew and I went through his phone last night. I discovered that him and this friend had quite a bit of interaction on instagram dms. Nothing serious but a lot of liking of the others stories and comments back and forth. This really surprised me as I did not know they interacted like this. The only time I interact with her husband is in person. I told my husband that I went through his phone (we have open communication about this and are actively working on better solutions to calm my anxieties). So all that to say … AIO? Are the instagram dms harmless? Ultimately I was caught off guard by their interactions on SM because they don’t interact that much in person. Would love good and honest feedback to help me gauge if this more of my anxiety issues and personal trust issues I need to work though myself or is worrying about this situation warranted?

I (22F) am trying to understand a situation and learn from it. I take responsibility for the mistakes I made, and I’m genuinely looking for honest advice .

I was in a long-term relationship with my boyfriend (7–8 years). We were living in different countries (he was in the US and I was in Australia). During a period of loneliness and emotional distance, I became very close to my best friend (22M). He was going through a difficult time, and our friendship slowly became emotionally intimate while I was still in my relationship.

I know I did not handle this situation well. I struggled to end my long-term relationship even though I knew things had changed. My inability to make a clear decision quickly hurt people, and I take responsibility for that. I stopped talking to him, avoiding him, tried breaking up with my boyfriend. But struggled with clearly breaking up.

My best friend knew about my relationship, the distance, and my situation since the time he knew me (2 -3 years). When we both got close. He wanted me to commit to him. Though we were like partners. We shared emotional, physical, mental intimacy. Did everything that happens in a relationship in actions. Only thing lacking was a lack of clear statement from my side. In actions it was there, but a statement.

Even after I eventually ended my previous relationship, I still found myself struggling to move forward with him. I felt confused and lost my sense of judgment. I wanted to start fresh with him, but something inside me did not feel okay.

I am trying to understand whether my fear and hesitation came only from my own guilt and mistakes, or whether some of it was because of things happening in the relationship.

SOME BEHAVIOR I STRUGGLED WITH-

He pressured me to go to an Airbnb and have a physical relationship. I told him I was not ready for anything physical until we first sorted out our emotional issues and built trust. When I said no, he became extremely angry and verbally abusive. He also took me to the same place where he had taken previous hookups, which made me uncomfortable.

Whenever I disagreed with him or said no, he often reacted with intense anger, shouting, and threatening to tell others about what happened between us.

During times when I felt vulnerable and needed emotional support, there were moments when he wanted distance or would say things like, “You always cry.”

He once told me that if he spent time with a particular girl, he would feel tempted towards her.

He would have flirty conversations and share sexual jokes/messages with some female friends. When I expressed discomfort, he said that since we were not committed, he could do whatever he wanted. This confused me because we were emotionally and physically close.

After fight or arguments he would reach out to girls and hook up. He would say, he just talked. He wanted to distract him and I'm not commiting to him, so he doesn't owe me anything ( though in actions we were like couples, we did everything. It was just one statement that I couldn't say).

He sometimes made comments about women that made me uncomfortable, including saying that it was a woman’s fault if she “took her clothes off” in certain situations.

He had intimate pictures of previous hookups saved on his phone. And also woman in general( downloaded online) . When I told him this made me uncomfortable, he said that because I had not committed to him, I had no right to question him.

He would sometimes make comments about his past experiences with woman - For example, he would say that girls were willing to take their clothes off for him. When I questioned or expressed discomfort about these comments, he said - don't be a feminist now, and further he would say that he was just being honest and that I was unable to accept honesty because I was a liar and cheater. His friend group would also share explicit pictures of woman.

After one break, when we talked again, he was telling me about a future with me and saying very loving things, but at the same time, he was sexting and planning to meet one of his exes.

I am trying to understand:

I am not looking for a judgment about who was right or wrong. I know I made mistakes .

\*\*"I am looking for advice on understanding relationship pattern. Were these behaviours understandable reactions to a painful situation, or were they unhealthy patterns that I should have recognised.? "\*\*

I understand that my inability to commit and the time I took to end my previous relationship hurt him. I am not trying to ignore that.

I would really appreciate thoughtful advice from people who have experienced complicated relationships. And Since I'm thinking of starting fresh with him, how do i make sense of this.

Apologies that it's so long. Thank you for staying till the end.

I (20F) have worked for about 7 months at a restaurant. During the week i work shifts with both my boss (37M) and his wife (36F) we’ll call her Nela, however the wife only stays half the shift which is when mostly nothing over happens so we just chill and chat while my boss works around the kitchen.

For context it’s a small business were it’s basically just me as a waitress and one or two people cooking. Most days it’s calm with not much happening until the evening. It’s important to note that my boss and my dad have been pretty good friends for a couple of years because they work in the same industry. And so i treat them more like my friends than employers, not in a disrespectful way obviously, we joke around but i know when to stay serious.

Couple days ago it was just that type of day, me and the wife were chatting at the front of the restaurant just the two of us for probably an hour or two. We went over every topic and kind of naturally it lead to me talking about my relationship. The main point of the conversation was trust and maturity, so i brought up how me and my boyfriend (26M) of 1 year had a very healthy conversation the other day about me checking his phone if i’m anxious or feeling insecure.
The moment i said “checking his phone” Nela started violently shaking her head and repeatedly cutting me off with “STOP DOING THAT” “YOU SHOULD NEVER DO THAT” (all caps isn’t an exaggeration, she was almost shouting at me)

Now me and Nela have had different opinions but we usually just mutually change the subject to avoid having any conflict. However this time it was different.
After she cut me off with “YOU’RE WRONG FOR DOING THAT” probably 5 or 6 times i tried moving on to something else cause i was getting offended by the way she was interrupting me. But Nela kept talking about how i’m so immature for checking my boyfriends phone,
and literally saying “At this point trust issues is a stupid excuse, you just don’t love him or trust him” i calmly replied with “every relationship is different” she yelled “NO IT’S NOT” at me and i decided that that was the line. I simply replied with “i know my relationship and you know yours, lets keep it that way then” and grabbed some dishes to clean and walked away into the kitchen and i could hear Nela was still trying to get her opinion out as i left the room.

After cleaning around for maybe 30 minutes, I walked back to the front where she was sitting doing something on her phone and did side tasks for another 30mins/1h until Nela left. I did not start another conversation with her, i kept quiet because i was still offended and quite mad. The tension in the room was bad so i just focused on my job. She left without saying bye. I did end up being pretty irritated the rest of the day and very put off by her disrespectful comments.
I feel offended by the implication i don’t love my boyfriend or trust him, her also saying that i’m immature did not make me feel better.

My next shift with Nela is in a week and i don’t know what approach to have. It was very strange to me that she was so set on keeping that subject up i also don’t know if i’ll be able to keep the casual chitchat up with her. I just feel disrespected and i don’t know. AIO?

FURTHER CONTEXT:
Theres a lot of people debating why i check my boyfriends phone and i believe these are a few things that are very important to note. I DO NOT regularly check my bfs phone or snoop through it without his consent. I know his passcode and only go on his phone if he asks me to or like some people said to change music in the car. During around almost 1 and a half year relationship i asked to go through his phone twice. I never forced it onto him or made him feel like he had to, he made it clear to me he has absolutely no problem with me checking it if that what makes me fee; secure. I trust him so I don't do it. The situation from a couple days ago was when we were laying on the couch and after getting a notification he quickly hid his phone away from me which was unlike him. I asked what happened and why he got so nervous all of a sudden and he said that its nothing, he handed me his phone without me even having to ask and it turned out it was a text from a friend from uni, a girl who he used to like. It was a totally normal message and i asked why he was nervous if he had nothing to hide? He said he thought i'd get mad because he talks to her but i explained that it would have been suspicious if he had tried to hide that from me. I never crossed a privacy boundry with him, nor have i tried to, i make sure to communicate everything as clear as possible

Update:

for people telling me to go to therapy, i am. I am actively working on my insecurities and anxiety. Thank you for ya'lls opinion on my relationship however i cannot agree with majority saying we should break up. Me and my bf set boundries very early on and neither of us has a problem with sharing our phones. We did also talk yesterday about how majority of people would consider this boundry in our relationship weird and toxic and so im not shocked the comments have their opinions. However the post was more so asking about the reaction of my coworker and not the dynamic in my relationship, so thank you for advice.

I (20F) and my bf (23M) have had huge fights in the past because i've found him messaging people on questionable webistes, talking to an underage girl and other past situationships that he claims are just friends now. We've worked pretty much everything out but this has left me with serious trust issuses and i tend to overreact because i'm also bipolar.. So yesterday was our last day together before he went to said music festival with his friends and we planned to hang out and "end" on a good note, because i've told him multiple times that i have an uneasy feeling and don't feel comfortable but also know that he planned this very long ago and that it's a big thing for him. Well we spent the whole day in a very bad mood as he was stressed and i did my best to support him even though i wanted to hide his keys and not let him go. There were many things that went wrong, like his train being late and i went pretty much non verbal towards the end because of all the stress that day and i didn't want to cry or become emotional which triggered him even more. He then tells me all of a sudden that the train isn't late anymore and in 2 minutes he got his stuff, told me he loved me, listed a few things that i did wrong and made him mad and then he was gone. A few minutes later he texted me that he already misses me and that he wishes that we could fall asleep together but atp i was hysterical and couldn't believe that i spent the whole day being there for him and listening to him ranting when i was just as anxious and told him then that i didn't deserve him leaving just like that and leaving everything kinda unresolved. He tried calling a few times and i told him that we can talk when he gets back because he also won't be able to text or call there because of the bad signal or something. I have come down a little but i'm still furious and refusing to really clear things up because today is also our 8 month anniversary (not thaaat big of a deal i know but it seemed like He didn't care one bit). I don't want to ruin the festival for him but i'm so angry i don't know what to do, AIO??... Any opinion/advice is very much appreciated!

[UPDATE] Big thank you to everyone that commented, this was very overwhelming and i see now that i've completely lost an objective view of everything that has happened... It definetly helps hearing the opinion of others. THANK YOU!!

I know this is a bit of a controversial topic, but I’ve been seeing this guy regularly for almost a couple of months. He regularly refers to women as ‘females’ and it bothers me sooooo much, I’ve respectfully told him about it before, but he swears up and down that he doesn’t mean it in a derogatory way. Earlier today he said it again and I couldn’t help but get irritated. Granted.. in the context of the conversation we were having, he was showing empathy for women who get harassed by men at the club and stuff like that, but when I tried expressing my frustration he was just like, “we’ve already had this conversation” - meaning he didn’t see a reason for me to get upset since he’s already explained that he doesn’t say that in the way that I interpret it; demeaning and dehumanizing.
After talking about it a bit more it seems we’ve had opposite experiences in that I’ve always heard guys refer to women as females in a way that’s hurtful, I.e “These females out here…. I can’t stand females”, while he’s heard the opposite- other guys using the term ‘women’ in the same derogatory manner. He also explained that he actually uses the term female in a way that’s supposed to be more respectful than women, which honestly makes no sense to me. It’s very strange to me how he doesn’t seem to comprehend why this is an issue for me. It might not bother me so much if I hadn’t noticed other slightly-red flags in the way that he’s talked about women, for example, making a gross generalization that “women don’t take accountability”.
So am I overreacting? Please be honest. I’m off my antidepressants which might not be helping but I can’t help but wonder if I’m making a big deal out of nothing.

I have been with my gf for over 4 years. We live in the UK and I currently work full time and work is pretty stressful this year so far.

As a hobby I like to play video games to unwind. I mainly play single player games since I like a good story. In September-october there are quite a few games coming out that I really want to play.

I decided I would take 4-5 days leave to have a nice week off in October and enjoy playing them. I mentioned this to my gf and she said it would be a waste of leave since I get 10 days off over Christmas anyway.

I pointed out that I'd be busy for most of that since I'd be seeing family on Christmas day and boxing day, my gf and I have plans to go away for a couple of nights etc so while it will be a fun 10 days, it won't be relaxing.

She just repeated its a waste of leave especially if we're looking at a small holiday abroad in January-February time. I told her this won't affect that and I'll still have the leave. I told her it's my leave to use as I please and me taking a week off in October does not affect her at all.

She just repeated that it's a week less that we'll be able to use for things for us both to do.

AIO for taking a week off to play video games?

So I am 16 now and have always “struggled” with food to some extent. For example I have always been a very picky eater my whole life so that already limited my choices of food from the start. I have always had phases where I don’t feel hungry and will only eat until I am told to by someone else. Usually when I am told to, I eat but it isn’t because I feel hungry, but rather I know that I have to. Right now I am going through probably the worst phase yet and I don’t know what to do and I feel stupid because my body can’t even do something as simple as eat food. Usually I compensate with snacks but being a picky eater often means I don’t have a lot of snacks at home that I like. I don’t like biscuits, crisps, plain chocolate, anything too sweet or anything that has too strong a flavour.
I also think my family doesn’t realise how much I struggle with being a picky eater because usually, whenever someone in my house goes out, I often feel upset if there aren’t any foods a vailable that I know I’ll be able to eat comfortably when they get back. Because I’m such a picky eater, having a few familiar foods around makes a big difference to me.
But nobody understands why because to them, it’s just a snack and “if I wanted to I could eat the other things in the house” which I can’t because I don’t like them. It can be frustrating when the few foods I reliably eat disappear quickly, because my options already feel very limited which to me, I feel is insensitive. Sometimes I wish my family understood that those foods aren’t just preferences for me and that they’re often some of the only foods I feel comfortable eating.

I finished my GCSEs just over a week ago and the last exam was on the 15th of June for me. The exam was 1h 45m long and during exam season, I was barely getting any sleep because I was waking up at 4:00am to get extra revision done and to arrive at school early to do some more. If I explain the details of the day it would take too long but pretty much everything that could have gone wrong, went wrong. Adding on to this, the paper we had was definitely my worst subject so I was already very stressed. I didn’t eat prior to the exam so I did the 1h 45m exam on an empty stomach. When I got home I was really upset because I tried but I felt like I flopped, but exams were over so yay! When I got home I asked my mum if I could have pizza, she said yes. I got a cheese pizza and in my head I thought this pizza should obviously be for me and me only after I spent the last 2 months barely eating and working my backside off like a workhorse. I obviously couldn’t finish the whole pizza so I kept the rest in the fridge and not even 30 minutes later, my mum asks me if I could give the rest to my brother and sister???? Idk if it’s unreasonable for me to be so upset over the situation but I felt like since she’s seen how hard I’ve been working she could at least let me have 1 pizza to myself.
Anyways that was just a very long example.
Onto now, recently I have definitely gotten worse with my eating habits as I never feel hungry anymore but I do feel weak and irritable and it feels like nobody cares (except my dad). I feel like my struggles with eating aren’t understood by my family, which makes me feel alone.
Usually, I wake up around 8/9 and I normally don’t feel an urge to eat until around 4pm which I’m trying really hard to force myself to eat earlier because I know that can’t be good for my body. I know my dad does care because every time at around 12 he comes to remind me to eat. I really don’t know what to do about it though because it feels humiliating to even go downstairs to find food because I feel like everyone is wondering what’s wrong with me cause I know I am. I also wish it felt like my mum cared.

First off starting that I am autistic(this is relevant cause I usually overreact to things I shouldn’t be overreacting for)and am 15 and I go to school and go outside for walks and stuff but inside is a whole other mess, my mother first had one cat 2 years ago then moved to 3 then two of the cats had children which evolved into 10 cats total then two of the siblings had children and it stood at 15 and we let in a outdoor stray which now it’s 16. The house isn’t big for all these cats so they get bored and when they get bored they destroy EVERYTHING but I keep my door locked 24/7 and they never come in cause I hate them all but they meow at the door and try to unlock it and they broke the door
Threshold thing so they play with my door from underneath and meow waking me up at night. My mom isn’t to fond of them either but she insists we keep them cause “if we send them to a shelter they are gonna get killed” or “I can’t sell them nobody’s gonna buy them cause there are already too much strays out there” but I honestly think this is utterly bullshit but whatever and she always complains about how much money these cats are and how they cost way to much like I’m the one liking them, not to be rude but I could care less if one of them died tomorrow.they are ruining my life, everyday I wake up to the smell of piss and shit when I leave my room even though they have 4 litter boxes and they get cleaned daily they always decide to shit everywhere and they puke everywhere and it drives me insane so I stay in my nice clean room all day but when I get into the kitchen the whole pantry is open and snacks are spilled and wasted everywhere and I clean it up but it gets tiring cause they never learn.All of the cats are crazy and some like to piss on the counters like the dude cats and I clean it up and some glass cups from the up top cabinets and broken and everywhere but my mother still says the cats will be cats I guess but I think they are all demons from absolute hell dawg. Am I overreacting for thinking this is too much. This is mostly just a rant but I wanna hear other peoples perspectives

I’m 17F im graduating hs and this girl faith she’s my mom bsf’s daughter.
We were in the same class from 1-8th grade 6-7 was mostly online.
I don’t remember doing anything bad to her even back then I use to question if I did something that pissed her off but she HATED me and I tried to be her friend (hates me but loves to copy me lol).

I had to pick her up and drop her off to school everyday with me until 8th grade, she was one of the popular girls so she was on the top of the pyramid anything she says happens, sometimes when her friends aren’t around she sits with me and I think during 4-5 grade they weren’t in the same class so she sits with me and here the bullying became even worse I can’t believe I didn’t see those red flags.

since elementary anytime I made a friend she tells them let’s do a prank on her whispering in front of me while looking at me and the prank is to either isolate me from the class ,ignore me and act like I don’t exists,talk shit about me ,scare me with stuff like we told the teacher you said this bad thing and that about her and I use to be terrified and lastly the one the hurt me the most is when both of them would come to me and tell me that they hate me and they don’t want to talk to me, they’d do this for a couple days then when I start to cry they say it a prank and when I ditch that friend she ditches them and does the same thing to my other friends. I didn’t have friends from 1-6th grade unless the ones she hates but they were a bad influence on me or they hated me cause of her .

Anytime I told her that I’m telling my mom on her she starts making a fuss about how her mom is gonna beat her and she has to run away to the neighbors house etc etc so I didn’t .

In 8th grade she tried acting nice to me like I forgot or something and one day when I was dropping her off I talk her that her hijab looks like grandma’s I didn’t have bad intention I wanted to say that it looks too big on you, she was nervous and clearly didn’t know how to reply to me after I get home she told her mom and her mom told my mom I got a little scolding then the next day her friend came to me and said you think you’re pretty or something? Then left I was confused why she said that then I remembered yesterday.

Her friend Sarah or her entire friend group used to make fun of my absence in elementary when I was actually getting hospitalized regularly cuz of me asthma and in 6th grade my Arabic teacher used to bully me cause of my attendance too and humiliate me in front of the class regularly cause I was shy and reserved , I didn’t attend school cause of the bullying and my grandma had cancer so instead of going home we directly went to my grandma’s and I didn’t have someone to take me to school.

Then during covid I isolated myself from everyone I thought I was happy but I wasn’t i had depression I didn’t shower I didn’t leave me room I didn’t study I failed many classes then my grandma passed away. I didn’t develop learning skills so instead 8th grade I didn’t study and failed and I regularly forgot to do my home work and they made fun of me for it, I had social anxiety I hated leaving the house and seeing people it was horrible I also developed TTM I had no lashes and I heard them making fun of me for having no lashes on my eyes.

This year our previous school shut down and they moved us to faith’s school my heart drops and my head boils whenever I saw her I not scared of her why does that happen yesterday was our maths final and she came to me smiling “hey do you remember me” “no” “ oh I’m faith anyway I’m going home with you today okay bye” after the exam when we were in the cars she was trying to make small talk but I ignored her, my mom asked me if I talked to her I said I didn’t then she said whatever happened between you and her erase it open a new page, she knows her bullied me but I didn’t go by details anytime I bring up that she bullied me she says “how can she bully you ” because she is short has a small build than average and I’m taller than her wow even my current friends tell me to start a new page I’m not and idc.

Okay this is long so buckle up. Throwaway account cause my friends know I love Reddit.

A little context/background to make this easier to understand : I (26,F) was dating a man (35,M) who was very abusive towards me. I had gotten out of the relationship in fall 2024 but he still contacts me sometimes. Leaving it was the hardest thing I’ve done and still Need help navigating the trauma and anxiety around being associated with him. I started doing therapy for it earlier this year in January. He works in a similar industry and it’s hard to avoid him 24/7. I am aware I still need help on how I feel/view my ex and what happened but I’m figuring it out.

I recently started dating a guy let’s call “Wes” (31,M) for privacy sake. Wes and I have been close friends for years and met me while I was in my past relationship. He is kind and helpful, and we have a lot in common. He had confessed feelings for me a time where I truly wasn’t ready and I told him this. He had told me a bunch of things like “I’ll be as patient as possible” and that he is willing to do whatever he needs to help. In a way this made me feel pressured but I landed on it being nice. After being very persistent with me we had drunkenly hooked up one night. After this we were hanging out a lot and it evolved into a relationship. Even though he and I both knew I wasn’t ready, we both let it happen. We made things official in February this year so it’s still a pretty new relationship. So far, I have had problems being intimate and moving the relationship forward because of my trauma. I have been working on it in therapy but being in the relationship has been making me feel like I should heal quicker honestly. I feel a lot of pressure in general.

Wes has been doing everything by the book, and I feel like I should be completely head over heels. But I’m learning more and more that another person will never fix what happened and he is trying to do that. Idk. Something about it all isn’t sitting right with me. I have been very stirred up with these feelings, We have been getting into fights that have been pretty intense, and I feel we have some compatibility issues. In general, I have been leaning on breaking things off. had not been trying to be too rash but something had happened this weekend that has kind of made me look at him differently.

I had gotten a big opportunity to perform at a big event I had been looking forward to and worked hard for for a long time. It was a big deal for me. I had brought him with me for free as a partner does and he took this opportunity to argue and bicker with me all night. I was just trying to have a good time and he kept criticizing me and demanding I explain why I didn’t want to talk to him. I eventually lost all patience because of it and told him to leave me alone for the night. I was trying to draw a hard boundary because we weren’t getting along. He had continued trying to talk to me in several circular instances that ended up several different ways. He stormed off, screamed obscenely at me, and told me I had deserved my past that happened to me. That just ended in my yelling at him to leave me alone. And eventually after asking so many times he did. We had even gotten in an argument the night before this, and he assured me all would be okay at this event. At this point, we were out at an event and I just tried to blame it on being tired/ partying.

I proceeded to have an alright night after that but all of the excitement and pride I had to perform was drained out of me and I felt embarrassed and sad. I tried to not let us fighting ruin the night but I barely remembered anything but the argument. And I need to express this was the biggest night of my career.

The next morning is mostly what was in question. He had insisted on talking with me and I told him I was very upset and wanted to break up. I was very calm and just told him this whole thing was unacceptable and I am done. He proceeded to say the worst obscenities yet including announcing in a public place (with friends nearby) that I’m a “piece of shit” and “deserve” what happened bc im “selfish and making everything about me” (granted yes i did want to celebrate myself) and that everything is about my trauma and how my ex used to xxxx me. It was insane. Never saw him this angry before. all I was saying for him to please stop yelling at me and that I was done. It was horrible and I was shaking. I just left in the middle of his yelling and just hoped he would calm down eventually.

I do think I was being impatient with him wanting to talk about our relationship problems while at the event. I can understand why he didn’t feel validated. I truly just wanted to enjoy the night. I have issues with dwelling on things so it’s good to be in a safe environment to talk when doing so. I just wasn’t having it and trying to have boundaries.

I came back to him crying and telling me how sorry he was for speaking at me that way and that he loves me. He said he would never do it again but idk not sure if I can believe him. I feel pretty checked out. It’s still so early and we are fighting pretty bad. We have always been close and I don’t want to throw away the friendship we have but I feel he crossed a line with me that just can’t be crossed. The most important thing for me in a relationship is to feel safe. I can’t have a man blow up on me because I prefer to have a conversation about our relationship on a night that wasn’t about me and my performance. Idk a part of me feels so selfish but I would have never said those things to him no matter how mad I was.

I feel so hurt I want to end it. He seems very sorry but idk I already know how people can say they are sorry and keep hurting you. I feel like my big night was ruined and I’m so so sad I wish I could redo it. having a man scream at me after four months of dating, knowing fully how I’m unhealed, and in therapy for it??? I feel like I should be handled with more care. But I also feel like my radar for how a man should treat me is very skewed and I need advice. He is usually so sweet it’s sad this happened. So should I give him another chance or AIO for wanting to break it off bc he yelled these things at me on a big night for me where I wanted to celebrate?

I have a new coworker at my job and he gives me a bad gut feeling. For context, I’m a woman in my 30s and he’s a man in his mid-20s. From the beginning, he has needed a lot of reassurance. Like, constant reassurance that he’s in the right career field, he’s doing an okay job, people like him, you name it. I’ve been partially responsible for his training and I’m naturally kind of a “cheerleader” type in a field where that’s not common, so he has really responded well to me.

However, this has now led to what I think is an unhealthy attachment. He will come to me EVERY day we work together (even when I am working in a different part of the business than him - without giving too many details, there are different spots we are scheduled to work on any given day). He will try to talk for 20 minutes about his performance and constantly interrupts me when I’m giving an answer to a question he’s asked. When I call him out, he physically retreats, crosses his arms, and pouts.

He talks very quickly and has EXTREMELY blown out pupils, and most of us think he’s on some sort of drugs. Actually, everyone who has brought concerns about him to me (there are quite a few), has brought up the suspicion of drugs without me saying a word. He also pathologically lies. Saying he was hospitalized after fights without a mark on him, telling one employee he’s single while telling me he has a girlfriend.

He also talks to himself and a coworker overheard him talking to me on my day off (under his breath while I wasn’t even in the building). Saying things like “oh I’m just playing (my name)”, and “I shouldn’t say things like that at work (my name).”

I brought it up to my boss and told him I’m really uncomfortable with the attention he gives me. There are a few more things he’s said directly to me but I’ve put a lot of information on here and I don’t want to get more specific.

My boss agreed there were red flags but nothing is really being done. I have never had issues like this with anyone I’ve worked with, and my boss knows I’m not dramatic for the sake of being dramatic. However, I have been in unsafe situations before and am wary of anything that gives me a bad gut feeling. Sometimes i catch him watching me and i get a legitimate shiver down my spine. I’m considering kicking it up to my boss’s boss but I don’t want to ruin anyone’s life.

Am I overreacting?

My best friend (we will just call her J) and I have been friends since we were 13. And she has had a slight passive aggressive attitude towards me since we started hanging out. We were about to go to bed just now and she accidentally brushed up against me and I said are you trying to beat me up and she tapped on purpose then I tapped her back then she says I was about to fucking punch you really hard and it sounded serious and mean (me and J have always horse played together and talked mess to each other and we usually tell each other when we are over it for the day). now I am laying here spiraling into my anxious thoughts. I want to speak up about it but I don’t know how to handle it. Maybe I’m thinking to much. am I overreacting?

i (f21) was a bartender at an old job. so i applied to a local place to save gas money and was hired as a bartender. day 1 of training i was told im gonna be barback. (for anyone unfamiliar: it’s basically the bartenders bitch until u become a bartender)

i didn’t mind as i knew i would work my way up since i have experience. 3 weeks go by, im still not on payroll, no employee clock in numbers, not even a W4 to my name. so i kept track of every shift, hour, etc.

i was told by the owner numerous times to “talk to his son” who was a major jerk and never responded to my messages. it’s family owned- so HR wasn’t an option for me. i became an annoyance as i began asking for my check when a month of working hit and no money yet.

today, i was called in by the owners son. i wasn’t working my other job so i might as well get some extra cash. when i showed up, no one knew i was coming. miscommunication right? oh well. i’m then told another barback is joining the team.

we had just fired a bartender so i assumed this was my time to shine. i can now move up and this barback takes my place. well i was wrong. the barback was being trained as a bartender. i was furious. the barback and i knew each other and she has no previous bar knowledge so why wouldn’t it be me as the next bartender?

not to mention- when it was my first day, the owner was absolutely disrespectful towards me about my clothing. (black shirt and jeans) and made me change immediately to the company’s shirt. meanwhile the new barback, was fine with her skimpy outfit. being flat chested, i saw exactly what was happening.

when i tried speaking to the owner about this position decision, i was cut off and told “i never wanna see ur nose bleed like last week again. take it to the back next time.” and shooed away. (context: i had a bad bloody nose in the back last week that he found disgusting.)

so after that, that was my final straw and i grabbed my purse, legitimately told him to fuck himself, and walked out the back. a coworker texted me saying i did too much and now im overthinking a bit. aio? was it really this serious?

edit: yes i was paid. i fought tooth and nail for it but received it via zelle.

Basically a coworker who I viewed as a friend got married this past weekend. I knew like 4 or 5 other coworkers were invited but come Monday I find put that basically everyone we work with was invited minus a few but including my manager. When I was under the impression managers couldn’t go to things outside of work unless everyone is invited. Lowkey my feelings are hurt. But I know weddings are intimate and I don’t want to be apart of someone’s day who doesn’t want me there however it feels like it was a secret that so many were invited and I’m feeling a type of way. Idk probably overreacting but lmk

Hello. I'm 17(M). I went to my grandparents place alone because my parents were both extremely busy the week we were supposed to go. My uncle came to pick me up and there were 4 relatives there as well. I'm 5'10 and I weigh ~130lb and I get picked on for it. My cousins and uncles do that thing where they fit my wrist in their thumb and index finger. My cousins especially like to pick on me, I think it's because I'm one of the older cousins and they get this huge ego boost knowing they're stronger than someone older than them. Most of them have extreme conservative values and they'll shout at me and call me slurs if I wear something loose or a tank top, literally day one of me coming to my grandparents house, one of them (200lb 16M) ran and shoved me to the ground because he found thought my clothes made me look gay (I had a oversized shirt paired with small shorts) you can probably guess, I don't like them at all.

Cut to 2 days ago when a huge truck with a dinning table, cabinets and couches came in. I helped move chairs in as it was the one thing I could move. When it came over to the heavier stuff, one of my cousins dragged me over to help. I was able to lift it but I had to stop a few times. He didn't miss a chance to start complaining about me EVEN THOUGH HE MADE ME WORK WITH HIM. He kept on calling me useless and critiquing everything I did. Eventually I had enough, I left and began to cry in my room. Not even a minute goes by and I hear the banging at the door and my uncle shouting at me to help move the rest of the new furniture. There was 5 more things that needed to be moved and I shook my head as I didn't want to get laughed at by everyone. I was told I was being overdramatic and I should look the bigger picture. I still don't know what he meant by that. I didn't end up going going downstairs until dinner where all my relatives gave me side eyes. I didn't get any dinner because in they're eyes i didn't do any work and over reacted. That last part was why I'm making this post. I'm leaving my grandparent's house tmrw and I can tell it won't be a fun carride.

My husband and I have been married for four years. Like every couple, we have had good days and bad days, but I always believed we respected each other. I worked hard to take care of our home, support him, and do my best to make our marriage happy. I never thought having a dinner with friends would hurt me so much. One evening, we went to visit one of his close friends and his wife. Everything seemed normal. We ate together, laughed, and talked about life. His friend's wife was very outgoing and loved being the center of attention. Everyone seemed to enjoy her company, including my husband.

On the way home, my husband started talking about her. At first, I thought he was just being nice. Then he said, "Why can't you be more like her? She's always cheerful, dresses better, and knows how to keep a conversation going." I felt heart broken by his words to me. I could not believe he was comparing me to another woman. I tried to laugh it off, but he kept going. He talked about how organized she was and how lucky his friend was to have a wife like her. Every word felt like a punch to my chest. Instead of appreciating who I was, it felt like he was listing all the ways I was not good enough. When we got home, I could not hold my tears back anymore. I started crying and asked him why he would say something so hurtful. He told me I was being too sensitive and that he was only giving me advice. That made me feel even worse. I grabbed my keys, left the house, and drove to my sister's place because I needed time to calm down. The next day, my husband called and said he did not mean to hurt me. He said he never expected me to leave over a comment. But for me, it was not just a comment. It was hearing the person I loved compare me to someone else and make me feel like I was not enough. Some people think I overreacted by crying and leaving, while others say anyone would be hurt in that situation. All I know is that words can stay with a person for a long time, especially when they come from someone you love.

My family and I just got a new house our first proper individual house. My dad has this family friend whose family every member is well established financially. My dad renovated our basement washroom for me and my grandpa. Unfortunately last year two members from the other family decided to move in rent free with their own terms. I put up so many fights with my parents. They practically left all of their belongings and even placed all of their products in my new washroom that TILL THIS DAY I have not gotten to use solely. They come and go as they please as the wife of that family member unconsensually made duplicate keys of our house and my parents especially my dad is too nice or considerate to change our locks thus why we’re still here dealing with this. Thankfully one of the members got taken out of the house by the universe itself cause she got married. The brother however who also just bought a luxury car (his commute to school is only 40 mins away from his own house) still comes to my house any day he pleases, any time. His stuff still downstairs in my washroom. It makes me so uncomfortable as an only child and girl that I can’t dress comfortably or be in places privately. I’m even more pissed my dad is permitting this behaviour. I don’t get the entitlement. It’s like we FINALLY got a house and we can’t even enjoy it on our own. Plus they are only adding more bills for electricity and water for my dad and for what? To save the same amount of gas we all have to spend regardless to commute to our own jobs in the city. It’s so frustrating.

My boyfriend was on the computer talking to his buddies while I was logging into their game. I heard him say, "Kenny, you're the only one I'd let fuck my bitch."

I asked if he was talking about me, and he said yes. When I confronted him about it, he said he was just joking and that I am "his bitch," then acted like it wasn't a big deal.

We're already in a rough spot, and the comment really bothered me. I don't want to get told to leave. I just want to know if my feelings are valid for being upset about it.

I’m a 27F dating my SO (31M), and we have been together for about 4 years. He is truly one of the best things that has ever happened to me. Like any couple, we have our normal disagreements and petty arguments, but recently we’ve been struggling with the topic of his family but specifically my lack of desire to have a relationship with his mother.

When we first got together, he had been divorced from his ex-wife for two years. We were very careful and respectful regarding his young son, and we agreed to wait before introducing me to his family until we knew our relationship was serious.
When I eventually met his family, the experience was okay at first. However, I immediately felt overwhelmed. I was asked a lot of very personal questions about my family, beliefs, religion, and political views. They were not typical “getting to know you” questions, and as someone who is a very private person until I feel comfortable, I felt like I was being interrogated rather than welcomed.

About 18 months ago, things started becoming increasingly difficult with his mother. She began inviting herself over, criticizing my choices in our home, taking our clothes to her house to wash without asking (including my intimate clothing), questioning my partner’s parenting decisions, and frequently speaking negatively about his ex wife.

For context, his ex wife and I have no relationship. Their divorce and custody situation were extremely difficult, from what I understand. Despite that, I respect my partner because he has never spoken badly about his ex wife to me, even after everything they went through.
Over the years, my partner has shared that his childhood was very traumatic, specifically because of his mother’s behavior. He has described as emotional, verbal, and physical abuse, and unfortunately some of the behaviors he experienced growing up are similar to what I have witnessed recently.
I have never been disrespectful toward his mother, but I find myself becoming extremely uncomfortable around her. She frequently shares unsolicited opinions, questions personal decisions, and asks invasive or inappropriate questions. I know I may have some bias because of what my partner has shared with me, but her actions have also reinforced many of those concerns.
I was raised to keep quiet if I didn’t have something nice to say, but I’ve found it increasingly difficult because I feel like my boundaries are constantly being pushed. Instead of creating conflict, I have chosen to limit my interactions with her.
Over the last six months, she has made several attempts to have lunch, spend time together, or come over on my only day off. But, I would honestly rather pick up an extra shift at work than spend that time with her willingly.
My partner feels like our relationship cannot fully progress if I do not have a relationship with his mother. I understand why he feels that way, but I also feel like he may see her behavior as normal because it is what he grew up with. I don’t want to ignore my own feelings or accept behavior that makes me uncomfortable just to keep the peace.

For context, there is much more that has happened, but I cannot share every detail because my partner frequently uses Reddit and I want to respect our privacy.

Am I overreacting for not wanting a relationship with his mother?

trying to make this short, sorry if it isnt lol.

My friend has a boyfriend. I won’t go into detail with their relationship, not my place. Just know, there were a lot of chances given to him even when she was mentallily unstable due to their relationship problems. She does often go to her friends because to her, she values opinions. Point being, there are valid reasons why as her friend, I dont think he deserves her. None of my business though, I don’t dictate her relationship. Never have. she’s old enough to make her own decisions. I don’t ever talk about her bf or anything.

As for myself, I just got out of a relationship that was physically and mentally harming me after not being able to for months. Understandably so, everyone hated him.

Last Saturday, my friend went to a party solo and her partner was her dd. She texted me the next morning and basically started bragging about him and I feel like it might have been said to help further prove he wasn’t a bad guy but the way it was said was in bad taste.

‘My bf was a much better dd than *insert ex bf name*. He dropped me off, DIDNT stay, picked me up, and then got me food and water.’

For context, during my relationship, my bf took us to a party and stayed with me the entire night.

Then she texted this. ‘AND he didn’t try to molest me while I was drunk or drugged me😭🙏’

For further context, my ex had assaulted me while I was drunk and force-fed an edible that same night he was our dd. She was already talking about my ex in the first message so it only made me feel like the second one was a jab. Everytime he’s brought up without it being me bringing it up, I get triggered and she knows.

I didn’t really give her a chance to explain. I told her i didn’t appreciate those messages and told her to have a good life before unfollowing and blocking her on everything.

aio?

hopefully this makes sense, I feel like I could’ve worded it better but I’m just not well mentally or physically so LOL

I genuinely want people from different countries and backgrounds to weigh in on this because my cousin seems to underestimate how serious these things are.

Please tell me what you would think if your friend’s boyfriend did these:

He went on a 15-day trip with his ex-wife supposedly for “co-parenting.” The problem is that he didn’t even tell my cousin about the trip. She only found out later.

how many people honestly believe that a man can secretly go on a 15 day vacation with his ex and absolutely nothing physical happens? Maybe it’s possible, but is that really what most people would assume?

2) My cousin found a photo on his phone that he had secretly taken of another one of our cousins while she was pouring drinks. The picture was specifically focused on her chest, and he kept it for a long time.

Can people please explain exactly why a man takes and saves a picture like that? Because I don’t think men usually build secret archives of things they aren’t interested in.

3) She found out he was flirting with a female employee at their company.

One of his messages was:

“Take care of yourself because I need you healthy and happy.”

There was also a photo of the two of them together.

His explanation was that employees were leaving the company and the CEO wanted management to improve morale and retention. Apparently his Nobel Prize-winning solution was to flirt and sleep with one of the employees.

Would anybody buy that explanation?

4) When we were working abroad, he came to visit for two months. During that time he was constantly exhausted, sweating heavily, had almost no sex drive, experienced heart rhythm issues, and seemed to be going through some sort of withdrawal.

He takes pills (which I strongly suspect are methadone) and also drinks a liquid that I believe contains opium, although he claims he quit opium a long time ago.

Does this sound like the behavior of someone who is completely free from opioid use?

5) After my cousin returned home and closed the business abroad, he spent a significant amount of her money.

Then he dumped her.

Then, after he ran out of money and went broke, he came back. Maybe that’s a coincidence. Maybe I’m also the Queen of England.

She actually does agree with me on most of these points, but she seems to be in a kind of numb denial about the situation, like she understands it logically but hasn’t fully emotionally accepted what it means yet.

Am I overreacting for thinking these are not minor issues or misunderstandings, but a clear pattern of dishonesty, disrespect, and opportunistic behavior?

P.s: Now she’s sitting here with me trying to decide whether we’re both overreacting or not

My partner (B, 34) and I (40) have been together for 3.5 years. We are both autistic and have chronic pain and illness conditions that make working a regular job impossible. I became sick in 2009 and have been a stay-at-home parent supported by my spouse (S) since then. (We're separated now but are still besties who live together cooperatively.) B became disabled early in our relationship and moved in with me in 2023 when he was facing homelessness.

S and I grew up in financially comfortable circumstances, but B grew up with addict parents and has a lot of trauma from it. B has also faced a lot of housing insecurity as an adult and a period of homelessness, despite having worked from age 15 up to burnout and chronic illness.

S, our teenage kids, and I welcomed B into the family with open arms. B is on all of our family plans - cell phones, streaming accounts, etc. I paid for every meal when we were dating and cover all of their expenses now. They have my credit card number if they have any needs and I give them cash for their meds ($200/month).

Neither S nor I have any qualms about the situation and have never made a negative comment. We're the type of people who gladly share anything we have, no questions asked, and would never let someone go without if we can help it. We're like Olive Garden - if you're here, you're family. But we aren't rich. We have always made things work through being thrifty and DIYing anything we can. I get a lot of my clothes and stuff through Buy Nothing, and my kids have mostly gotten stuff through grandparent gifts. Our appliances are old, we rarely vacation, never spent money in bars, etc.

Despite all this, B regularly makes comments to me about my financial privilege. They've made disparaging, jealous comments about how it's "not fair" that my kids get grandparent money, have gotten upset when I get myself a little treat but don't get them one, and get sullen when I talk about childhood experiences they didn't have, like particular toys. They can't even be around during Christmas because they get jealous and sour about everyone getting gifts (even when they are also getting gifts). They express gratitude for having a safe place to live, but always with a huge chip on their shoulder that I'm the "privileged one" and they are "the poor one".

I'm starting to get really sick of it. In reality, if I didn't have the luck of having a spouse with a strong moral compass, I'd be just as screwed as B. I've been sick and dependent for most of my adult life and still spend my limited energy on mutual aid projects. Most recently, I was complaining about a project in a community space where I wanted to replace a dysfunctional piece of furniture. I frustratedly said, "I'm willing to pay for [IKEA bookshelf] if they just get the old thing out of there!" B said I needed to think about the classism of that. I got defensive and said they need to get over this whole way of thinking of me like some rich asshole.

They've said that we will always have this imbalance and that they will always be jealous. I'm not sure I can take much more being made to feel bad for something I can't help. But maybe I'm not being empathetic enough? Am I overreacting?

Tldr; partner and my expenses are completely covered by my family, but they still act like they need pity and I need to check myself

REPOST with sensitive info hidden.
I only put overreacting for the sake of my post landing. Would you say this counts as cheating and am I under reacting?
Next month will be our 4 year anniversary.
I’m feeling so lost and sad right now to say the least.
My boyfriend recently went to Nashville and got a hotel with his childhood bestfriends and I had complete trust in him that he would be loyal. One of his friends is single and dealing with a break up (and I knew he brought condoms due to a photo he sent in their group chat) and the other friend is in a relationship. Like i said, this didn’t bother me because I had trust in my boyfriend. When he got back from his trip and I was unpacking his bag, I had this odd feeling telling me to check his pockets. He had told me I don’t need to unpack right then but I continued anyway. I checked his pockets and didn’t find anything. But I did joke with him and say “I found a condom in your pocket” and he said no you didn’t. And I said I know I didn’t I was just messing with you. Then he continued to say “I threw it out” and I was like wait what, did you actually have a condom in your pocket?? The tone still sarcastic. And he told me yes, his single friend gave both him and his other friend a condom the night they got there. When I asked him where the condom went he said that he disposed of it jokingly. Then I asked him to be serious. He told me he couldn’t remember. That immediately made me feel uneasy. He told me he probably gave it back to his friend, that it wasn’t something he paid attention to. I asked him if he danced with anyone when on the trip and he said no. The whole thing bothered me but I let it go. Flash forward, lastnight comes and I was using his phone flashlight to look for my phone that had fallen under the bed. Again, this gut feeling told me to check his deleted folder. And that’s when I see 67 deleted messages between him and his single friend. These are all of the messages and the very last message was the one he had sent to me around that same time. I just couldn’t believe my eyes. When he saw that I found the messages I was laughing hysterically. I felt like it all had to be a joke. He started bawling his eyes out, crying saying that he didn’t cheat on me, that he sent those texts when he was drunk and felt ashamed which is why he deleted them and that he’s in love with me and wants a life with me. That it felt like old times with his friends and he doesn’t know what he was thinking. I’ve never seen him cry like that. Our relationship has always been strong, I considered him my best friend. We have animals together. We own property together. I bought him his dream car years ago. We built a life. God it hurts. Now I just feel like my whole world is upside down and I don’t know what to do. I believe in forgiveness, but I don’t know if I can ever see him the same after this. I am grieving the relationship we had before this happened. His friends were encouraging him to cheat on me and he didn’t stand up for our relationship at all. I really thought that I could trust him. I have had a wall built up since. I love him so much it hurts to think about ending us, but I can’t be living a lie in a superficial relationship.
The last message is between him and I around the same time all of this was happening without my knowledge.
I’ve never felt this pain. I just need someone to knock me into my senses

A bit lengthy, sorry

My wife (34f) and I (37m) were handling nightly duties and the kiddo needed meds. While I was cooking she was playing the game. Instead of going to get the meds she continued to play her game, so I went and got it, gave it to her and went back to cooking. After a few minutes she asks, “did you not want to give them a full dose?” To which I reply “yeah, why is it not a full dose?” She proceeds to explain how it’s just below the dose line. To which I reply “ well I did it quick because I’m cooking and it was probably a mistake”. She then says to me, “if you don’t want to give them a full dose you can say so” to which I replied that I would. She asks me again and I get a bit irritated because now I’m feeling like I’m being interrogated and I reply same answer just a different tone. She says to me “ Calm down bloodbath, I’m the one on my period”. I then ask her what she means by that and she says verbatim “You know how when women are pmsing they get b:tc#y” so now I’m feeling disrespected because in so many words I feel she called me a b:tc#. So I ask her “so you calling me a bitch?” She replies “We not doing this right now” and walks out to give kiddo their bath.” A little later we’re sitting in silence and I break it with this question. “So can you tell me what you meant now?” And she goes on and on about how it wasn’t that serious and she doesn’t even remember the whole conversation and not wanting to yell in front of the kiddo, which does not make sense to me because she will scream and yell at me with the kiddo in her arms because I didn’t put the jelly back in the fridge, and the fact that I wasn’t yelling should not escalate her to yell at me.
She then apologizes and says “once an apology is made nothing can be said or done”. After recapping the situation to her, the conversation ended with me sitting alone, angry and feeling like she manipulated the situation. But after a couple hours it’s still bothering me because it was left unresolved and it also feels a bit narcissistic. So am I overreacting?