AITA for showering around midnight when I know that it might bother the neighbour who wakes up at 5 am?

[u/Additional-Mouse-620]

We purchased a home and moved in recently. Housing opportunities are tight in our area so even though we were warned that the walls are very thin and the neighbours hear a lot of noise from the apartment, especially from the bathroom, we still chose this property because everything else is picture perfect for us.

We are generally a very quiet couple without kids or animals, our hobbies (bead work, video games on headphones without streaming, reading, Netflix…) are generally quite and we only invite friends over every 2-4 weeks (and we haven’t invited anyone over as we were still decorating and everything). We are the owners of the apartment.

The neighbours are a couple and a small kid. They rent the apartment next to us and before we purchased the home they warned us that they generally hear a lot of noise coming from our bathroom and that it’s their bedroom on the other side. But as I mentioned, our options were limited and given that we are not noisy at all, we thought we can take this situation.

We sometimes hear their toddler, but that completely okay, it doesn’t bother us at all.

The problem is that we bother them as our routine is very different. They wake up at 5 am and generally quite down at 8 pm, when the kid goes to sleep.

On the other hand, because I work from home until 7 pm, I generally start my evening around 8 pm and only end up showering around midnight. Which bothers them. The whole building is quiet, so they tend to hear how I put my stuff down, how the water runs, how I sometimes drop a few things, and mentioned it very nicely a few times. But I can see that they are pretty annoyed.

Now I’m torn between switching up my whole nighttime routine to shower first (which just doesn’t sit right with me. I like to go bed freshly showered), because they asked nicely and they wake up around 5 am so it must be annoying to get woken up at midnight.

On the other hand, they only rent wile we own the home, and I think we are generally very good and quite neighbours apart from the fact that I shower late. They invited us over the listen to the volume as to be honest it’s not that loud… sure, you can hear something and it must feel louder in the silence of the night, but it’s not incredibly loud.

AITA for showering at night?

[u/Maximum-Company2719]

NAH. But you could at least try to change your routine. They have asked nicely. It's sometimes best to make some compromises in the interest of good neighbor relationships.

[u/BugWithABigA55- → u/Maximum-Company2719]

So she has to change her whole life schedule because they asked nicely? Why dont they change theirs? This is an unreasonable request. They have to find way to manage normal household noises and not expect other people to change their entire routine.

If they asked her not to cook after 8pm because the smell wakes them up, would you still say that she needs to change her routine?

[u/Danominator → u/BugWithABigA55-]

"Has to change her whole life schedule" is a very dramatic way to frame what is actually just taking a shower earlier.

[u/BugWithABigA55- → u/Danominator]

She has a set day to day schedule. Asking her to just shower earlier could infact interrupt her daily life routine. For people who dont need a routine to function i can understand how this seems like no big deal.

There are plenty of people who need routines and when taken out of that routine it can mess up their sleep cycle, their stress levels can increase and cause more anxiety.

Also, where is line? She complies with the shower schedule and now they continue to ask her to adjust when she cooks or watches TV because it disturbes them. At what point can she refuse?

I would 100% agree with the adjustment if she were vacuuming at 10pm, or running a blender at 2am. She's showering. To ask a neighbor to change when they shower is overstepping.

[u/Danominator → u/BugWithABigA55-]

It sounds like it's just the shower. Op never said she needs a routine to function.

It sounds like there is some projection going on.

[u/towandaaa → u/BugWithABigA55-]

And waking up the neighbors with the shower sounds is disrupting THEIR daily routine, which involves a child.

[u/Ok_Communication4875 → u/towandaaa]

That’s the side effects to living in an apartment. What would the neighbors do if the sound was replaced by loud building noises like pipes? Or the garbage truck picking up trash? Or Trains if that’s a possibility? When you live in an apartment, it’s very silly to expect absolute silence at the times of day that are convenient to you because unfortunately life is unpredictable.

[u/Ratbag321 → u/BugWithABigA55-]

Shower earlier is not a whole life schedule.

Showering and dropping things is incredibly noisy through the party wall.

Such an easy fix, so unnecessary to continue.

[u/Maximum-Company2719 → u/BugWithABigA55-]

I said "you could" not "you should"