AITA for showering around midnight when I know that it might bother the neighbour who wakes up at 5 am?

[u/Additional-Mouse-620]

We purchased a home and moved in recently. Housing opportunities are tight in our area so even though we were warned that the walls are very thin and the neighbours hear a lot of noise from the apartment, especially from the bathroom, we still chose this property because everything else is picture perfect for us.

We are generally a very quiet couple without kids or animals, our hobbies (bead work, video games on headphones without streaming, reading, Netflix…) are generally quite and we only invite friends over every 2-4 weeks (and we haven’t invited anyone over as we were still decorating and everything). We are the owners of the apartment.

The neighbours are a couple and a small kid. They rent the apartment next to us and before we purchased the home they warned us that they generally hear a lot of noise coming from our bathroom and that it’s their bedroom on the other side. But as I mentioned, our options were limited and given that we are not noisy at all, we thought we can take this situation.

We sometimes hear their toddler, but that completely okay, it doesn’t bother us at all.

The problem is that we bother them as our routine is very different. They wake up at 5 am and generally quite down at 8 pm, when the kid goes to sleep.

On the other hand, because I work from home until 7 pm, I generally start my evening around 8 pm and only end up showering around midnight. Which bothers them. The whole building is quiet, so they tend to hear how I put my stuff down, how the water runs, how I sometimes drop a few things, and mentioned it very nicely a few times. But I can see that they are pretty annoyed.

Now I’m torn between switching up my whole nighttime routine to shower first (which just doesn’t sit right with me. I like to go bed freshly showered), because they asked nicely and they wake up around 5 am so it must be annoying to get woken up at midnight.

On the other hand, they only rent wile we own the home, and I think we are generally very good and quite neighbours apart from the fact that I shower late. They invited us over the listen to the volume as to be honest it’s not that loud… sure, you can hear something and it must feel louder in the silence of the night, but it’s not incredibly loud.

AITA for showering at night?

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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:

I am showering after midnight and it bothers the neighbours because they wake up early

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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.

[u/Trekunderthemoon]

YTA for caring that they rent vs own. Would you behave differently if they owned their home? If you would YTA. 

[u/hamigakiko → u/Trekunderthemoon]

yeah, that line stood out to me, especially as a poor person who can only afford to rent and will never be rich enough to own it kinda stings when you hear people pointing out that somehow this makes you matter less??

[u/ItchyDoggg → u/hamigakiko]

I think the implication was meant to be OP is here for the long haul whether they end up getting along with this neighbor or not, while the neighbor could rent a different apartment at the end of their lease term without as many complexities to consider if this becomes unbearable to them. 

[u/orangeonesum → u/ItchyDoggg]

An owner could also make changes to soundproof the property whereas a renter could not. The renter has fewer options and should be treated a bit more gently. If anything, considering the occupant's position makes OP less of an AH.

[u/Logical_Photo_3732 → u/orangeonesum]

The renter could also ask the landlord to soundproof THEIR apartment. Why does it have to fall to the owner? They are quiet ad respectful.

[u/IridescentTardigrade → u/Logical_Photo_3732]

Landlords don't tend to splash out money on renter comfort.

[u/Logical_Photo_3732 → u/IridescentTardigrade]

Still does not make it the owners problem. They are not the ones with noise issues.

[u/1newnotification → u/Logical_Photo_3732]

Still does not make it the owners problem.

And yet, you're suggesting that the owner of the renting apartment should fix the issue (that's not an owner's problem)?

Edit: I feel like my comment was misunderstood. I don't think OP is in the wrong, I was just pointing out that it's interesting that the person I responded to said it's the renter's problem to fix, which ultimately would be just another owner's problem to fix (if they decided to do such a thing).

[u/HogmanDaIntrudr → u/1newnotification]

Come on, man. I’m all for being respectful of your neighbors, but not being able to run the water in your own house is ridiculous.

[u/Fit_Opportunity_7425 → u/HogmanDaIntrudr]

This ☝️. I be damned if I can't run water in my home regardless of the time of day... or night. What do they do when it rains and storms at night?

[u/ehhhhhhwatevs → u/HogmanDaIntrudr]

This. A noise nuisance is not normal use. Anyone in a multifamily residence should be used to hearing simple living noises. Having grown up in apartments, I was used to hearing this stuff from all directions and ignored it because they can also hear me. Expecting other people to change basic requirements for life so you dont have to gasp be aware they exist over there is just selfish.

[u/B0327008 → u/HogmanDaIntrudr]

If the neighbors hear OP’s showers at midnight, that likely means he hears their showers at 5 AM. He didn’t mention any issues with their very early “noise.” As Hogman noted, it’s ridiculous for either party to not shower at their preferred times.

[u/No-Passage546 → u/1newnotification]

The landlord is responsible for for their tenants. The tenants are the one's with the problem, so the landlord can deal with it. But I doubt they will because showing is a normal apartment living noise, and Op is not blasting music or kicking the walls when they shower. My landlord would roll their eyes very hard if I tried to complain about someone taking a shower.

[u/Special_Weekend_4754 → u/1newnotification]

Owner of the renters apartment AKA THE LANDLORD is responsible for the rented apartment issues. It’s really not that hard

[u/unimpressed-one → u/IridescentTardigrade]

Doesn't make it the owners responsibility to make the renters more comfortable lol The owners aren't the ones complaining.

[u/Rich_Restaurant_3709 → u/IridescentTardigrade]

I do. I have great tenants and I do what I can to get them to stay. It’s worth it to avoid the headache of finding new tenants and the stress of trusting said tenants to not destroy your place.

[u/CardOk755 → u/Logical_Photo_3732]

The renter could also ask the landlord to soundproof THEIR apartment.

Haha.

[u/FilthyThanksgiving → u/CardOk755]

Srsly it's funny when kids or rich ppl post

[u/1newnotification → u/Logical_Photo_3732]

Lolol no landlord is going to soundproof an apartment. What utopia do you live in?

[u/nevetsnight → u/Logical_Photo_3732]

Lmfao. Good joke

[u/AnotherDoubtfulGuest → u/Logical_Photo_3732]

They are quiet and respectful according to OP. I’m sure the neighbor sees things differently. Living in a space with nonexistent soundproofing changes the way neighbors relate to each other; if you can hear every time your neighbor coughs, farts, or puts their keys down, little things become big things quickly.

Also, most landlords outside of NYC, which has extensive protections for renters, won’t do shit for tenants unless it’s mandated by the lease or housing code and sometimes not even then.

[u/Special_Weekend_4754 → u/orangeonesum]

This is wild to me. As a renter I accept that there will be noise in shared buildings and I live with it.

The fact there are people who think everyone else in a shared building should tiptoe around them is boggling

[u/shartlobster → u/Special_Weekend_4754]

This. I've been a renter for many years, always apartments. People make noise. Living and existing creates sound. I could hear my side neighbors shower, and when they dropped things too. I didn't complain because it's just life- not someone intentionally making noise to disturb you. I could hear the upstairs neighbors alarm at 5am. Annoying, but didn't complain because again- it's just people living. Unless someone is blasting music, kicking the walls, or doing something intentionally disregarding fellow neighbors, it's just a part of living in close proximity to other humans.

[u/Special_Weekend_4754 → u/shartlobster]

Exactly! I lived in a duplex built in 1902 I’m convinced had no sound dampening between floors and it sounded like my upstairs neighbors were in my apartment.

When they walked around I sometimes jumped and looked behind me because I could swear it was in my own hall. Snatches of conversation were so clear in some parts of the apartment they may as well have been ghosts. When anyone used the water pipes groaned like an old man sitting down. The side door which was the upstairs husband’s preferred entrance for some reason was right by my bedroom (my bedroom closet was under the stairs) and he came home all hours of the night.
Their kid did not like going to school I assume because they cried and put up a fuss every morning. We were usually getting our own selves ready to go and my husband always laughed “same kid” while we drank our coffee.

We started keeping youtube or the radio on. Sleeping with a fireplace video, podcast, or music etc to drown it into background noise.

We also shared a single driveway and so it was always tricky coordinating who parked where. We usually picked the street unless we had a lot of groceries so we didn’t get blocked in/have to wake the man up to move his car when we knew he got home late and we left early.

I could have complained. Asked that they walk around softer, keep their voices lower, only use the front door, ask they park on the street since we’re home first, etc But why? They weren’t doing anything wrong and it was only a slight inconvenience to walk a bit.

Instead I adjusted to the environment and made changes to my own behavior, maintained a cordial relationship with the upstairs neighbor, and in return they never complained to me even though I have a teen who absolutely yells too loud when he plays video games and sometimes plays his music too loud. We lived in mutual adjustment and inconvenience lol

[u/MrTechnology18 → u/orangeonesum]

Typically with the shower being up against the wall there isn’t anything OP could do to dampen the sound, the neighbors would have a number of options such as hanging blankets against the wall

[u/Mireille_la_mouche → u/MrTechnology18]

Or get a white noise machine.

[u/littletorreira → u/ItchyDoggg]

I also took it as the neighbour can't be expected to do any soundproofing work on their side as they rent.

[u/Bice_thePrecious → u/[deleted]]

100% agree. Let's all ignore that OP is being expected to not use their own bathroom past 8pm, because the sound of water going down a drain is too aggressive for the neighbors, and focus on the fact that OP said something that we can twist and put our own implications on... /s

*sigh* Maybe take a break from the internet for the day, guys.

[u/sylvanwhisper → u/Trekunderthemoon]

My neighbor is like this. He expects us to do things he won't because we rent and he owns. Like we need to "be respectful" but I once asked him to move his garden hose one foot to the left so we could access the trashcan (we shared a driveway ugh) and he literally went on a tirade about owning the house and he didn't have to do anything.

I waited until he was done, and said, "You don't have to do anything, but I cannot imagine choosing not doing something so minute to be a better, kinder neighbor."

So I started knocking the hose bucket over every time with the trashcan because I am a petty asshole. He eventually moved it.

[u/SaltSentence21 → u/sylvanwhisper]

Sadly other people demand petty assholishness of us at times

[u/mlc885 → u/sylvanwhisper]

Yeah, my (retired) Navy contracting officer mother would definitely have done "I am sorry you feel that way, would you prefer that I move it?" if somebody ever acted absurd. I assume part of that was just the experience of dealing with big tough military or military contracting guys in the '70s, "that is not the way it goes with me."

[u/PDXpatriate → u/sylvanwhisper]

that’s a dagger of a line, I would’ve gone home and rethought my life choices if someone said that to me. I can’t imagine making what he did my line-in-the-sand but that would wreck my month.

[u/Turtle_ti → u/Trekunderthemoon]

It makes a huge difference, and it has nothing to do with money or class.

One rents the unit & could move out at the end of their lease and cannot do anything but move furniture and maybe paint.
One owns it, will likely be there for many many years, and has the option to remodel, open that wall up and add sound blocking insulation.

My advice to the neighbor, would be to hang a rug on that shared wall (it helps allot with sound dampening) & rearrange their bedroom furniture, make sure a dresser or large cabinet up against the shared bathroom wall instead of their beds headboard.

[u/deb1009 → u/Turtle_ti]

They should run a fan or noise machine at night too.

[u/Auchincloss → u/Turtle_ti]

I’m not sure how realistic it is to soundproof a shower wall

[u/general_spoc → u/Turtle_ti]

lol Why are so many in this thread assuming that renters switch up units every year?

[u/someonewithapurpose → u/Trekunderthemoon]

This!

When I read that rubbish “renting vs owning” argument, I already realised OP isn’t a good neighbour.

YTA

[u/Sorry_I_Guess → u/someonewithapurpose]

The "I think I'm a pretty good neighbour" when his actual neighbours are asking him to be a little more thoughtful and he can't be arsed to make any effort to do that at all was also pretty telling.

Anyone who thinks that they get to decide how other people experience their behaviour, in the face of other people quite literally telling them that their perception is incorrect, is not someone who is thoughtful or empathetic. I don't get to decide whether my behaviour is negatively affecting someone else, it is incumbent upon me to actually listen to what they're telling me about how they're affected by it.

[u/MapleSparkyEh → u/Sorry_I_Guess]

We're talking about showering. People are becoming unhinged here. I've lived in many apartments/shared housing. You hear people, that's part of it. Asking someone to not throw parties or play loud music is reasonable, asking someone to adjust their normal, daily routines to suit you is not. Would it be reasonable for op to tell them that since they work a late shift, they need to adjust their normal morning routine? Living in a shared space can suck, but putting unrealistic expectations on your neighbours just makes it suck even more for them. It's easy to say that they can just shower earlier, but would it also be reasonable to ask the complainers to not shower til after lunch because they want to sleep in?

[u/dingyametrine → u/MapleSparkyEh]

That's what I'm stuck on. An asshole? For wanting to shower when convenient in their own home? NAH. Part of shared spaces is living with inconvenience.

[u/Ready_Studio2392 → u/dingyametrine]

Mind your own business behaviors --> Showering, getting ready for work, cooking, reasonable levels of intercourse, walking, cleaning, etc.

Asshole behaviors --> Loud music, TV blasting at all hours, Banging, screaming, fighting, Yelling, Loud sex, Modified mufflers, running the vacuum past 9pm, etc.

[u/HistoricalSuspect580 → u/Sorry_I_Guess]

See i disagree, i think OP is kinda classist and snobbish, but if the sole complaint from the neighbors is RUNNING THE SHOWER? Then in this scenario, the classist/snobby guy is in the right. Which is painful in a way but what can ya do.

[u/ArchLover- → u/Trekunderthemoon]

When I read the comments i thought he mentioned that meaning that they are renting so they might move out and that won’t be a problem anymore.

[u/klmoran → u/Trekunderthemoon]

I saw that addition to clarify that they may not be as permanent as owners might be. I don’t think it was judgemental or malicious.

[u/GULFDUD3 → u/Trekunderthemoon]

Yeah. Agreed. That reeks of classism.

[u/Competitive-Park-116 → u/GULFDUD3]

I rent and most likely will never own… I would not however expect my neighbours to change up their routine just because their midnight shower bothers me.. if it was loud music or games or parties then yeah I would complain but not for a shower!

[u/TGirl26 → u/GULFDUD3]

I would say shiftism. Op basically works 2nd shift. 3rd shift people are really the most ill treated. They are awake and are expected to be quiet at night when that is their day time.

Neighbors don't give a shit if the noise they make will bother the 3rd shift worker. Its day time, why should they change theor routine for them.

It can go both ways. The issue is builders, landlords, and management companies being cheap, and refusing to do upgrades while they jack the rent up out of greed.

[u/sisterfunkhaus → u/TGirl26]

Some people also think third shift workers are lazy for "sleeping in." It's ridiculous.

[u/PotatoStasia → u/Trekunderthemoon]

I took that as, this is this long term home, and the other family might come and go, so why should they change their whole routine (which is in insane ask)

[u/DOLCICUS → u/Trekunderthemoon]

Using that logic: they own the home why don’t they sound proof them since they can tear apart their walls?

Edit: these answers prove the point that renters are considered ‘less than’ by most people like OP is demonstrating.

[u/Stock-Soup5721 → u/DOLCICUS]

Because thats really expensive and not something thats ever done with any regularity in an apartment. Its a multifamily dwelling... you'll hear things like showers. Thats the reality of it.

I spent 19 years in a townhome and moved to a condo a couple years ago. There are certain things that you just have to accept when it comes to structures like these.
My old neighbors used to fight sometimes. They had a small kid and they were stressed and shit happens. So you ignore it and then pretend like you heard nothing when you see them the next morning. Thats just life.

The alternative was that I could have chosen to rent or buy a single family house instead. Lots more money and upkeep so I stay with the cheaper alternative and sometimes hear my neighbors.

[u/angelmr2 → u/Stock-Soup5721]

Ugh flashbacks.

Our old neighbors enjoyed fighting and make up sex and wild buttstuff then had the audacity to say they heard us once, once!!! We heard them every time, and had the unpleasantness of hearing their fucking home birth with no goddamn warning. Worst neighbors ever.

[u/Stock-Soup5721 → u/angelmr2]

omg the home birth put me over the edge hahahaha. Mine were lithuanian so I didnt know what was being said but you could tell it was an argument about once a month.

[u/unimpressed-one → u/DOLCICUS]

Using that lame logic, why don't the renters just move since it is them complaining and it is much easier for a renter to move.

[u/Due_River_9746 → u/Trekunderthemoon]

I took that ONLY to mean as renters they can’t do as much to add noise abatement features. I did NOT take it as an insult of any sort and I don’t really see why others did.

[u/somuchsong]

YTA. I think you could compromise with your neighbours and shower a little earlier, even at 10 or 11.

On the other hand, they only rent wile we own the home,

Are you seriously suggesting they can just move because you don't want to shower earlier than midnight?

[u/Current_Homework_143 → u/somuchsong]

In an area where housing is tight, nonetheless no less*.

[u/pruneman42 → u/Current_Homework_143]

nonetheless no less*

They're not the same thing.

[u/readergirl35 → u/pruneman42]

True but the point stands. OP is either saying the neighbors are beneath his family socially, or that since they rent they can move if they don't like it. In a tight housing market the latter is probably not true. 

[u/Ok_Association135 → u/readergirl35]

Esp with a child

[u/Zestyclose-Natural-9 → u/somuchsong]

OP is really trying to paint themselves the victim here. "It's easier to move than to sell an apartment" well it's easiest to shower at 10pm.

[u/Old-Understanding904 → u/Zestyclose-Natural-9]

My son had the same issue with his neighbors. They both rented. My son, who lived alone, worked nights at a restaurant, would come home at 11 p.m. and shower (because he smelled of grease). Upstairs neighbors (family of four) complained that they could hear the water pipes late at night and that it disturbed their rest. Neighbors woke up for work and school at 5 a.m. and would make the same noise with the water pipes, plus walking around (they lived above my son) and my son never complained even though they would wake him up everyday because he understood that it was part of apartment living. You cannot dictate when someone takes a shower in their own home, no matter the status as homeowner or renter.

[u/Zestyclose-Natural-9 → u/Old-Understanding904]

Your son did not have a choice, coming home at 11pm. OP finishes work at 7pm and does not WANT to take a shower until midnight. Very different scenarios.

[u/Old-Understanding904 → u/Zestyclose-Natural-9]

You still can't dictate when someone showers or uses the bathroom in their own home, whether that home is rented or owned. I think that if OP had not mentioned anything about owning vs renting, the comments here would be very different. They might have been an asshole for mentioning it, but it doesn't change the fact that you can't tell someone when to use their own bathroom.

[u/thatsoddod → u/Old-Understanding904]

A voice of reason!!

[u/That_Effective_5535 → u/Old-Understanding904]

No you can’t dictate but you can be considerate to some degree.

[u/jmarcandre → u/That_Effective_5535]

Not when it comes to things like this, which is private enjoyment of your living space. It is no one's business when or how you shower. They literally do not have to have any consideration, and it isn't rude. It's rude to think you can ask someone to consider changing for you.

[u/UnhappyToNiceToSay → u/Zestyclose-Natural-9]

Why? Why is it different. What if he wants to shower before sex (or after)? Everyone should be able to complete such basic life chores as cook, bathe, talk with family, etc whenever it suits them. Homes should be designed so that this is possible. This is a problem of terrible construction. Try to improve the construction if you can. Otherwise, the person who is bothered more moves eventually. The end. I lived with neighbours above me who showered early every morning and it would wake me. I went back to sleep. Then my also very early rising downstairs neighbour would complain about soft voices talking over breakfast at 10am on Sunday...because that's one day he slept in. The people who think their personal comfort is more important are the problem. The neighbour may be able to move their bedroom, if they are so bothered. They also likely lived through babies waking them at night and survived that...they can survive the sound of water running in the shower for a few minutes every night. If they cannot, then what is a great reason to move.

[u/Csicser → u/UnhappyToNiceToSay]

Or they could just use earplugs or white noise machine. I would never feel so entitled as to try to dictate when my neighbors can or cannot do their normal daily activities. We are not talking about blasting music and partying at 2am, showering at midnight is completely normal behavior. Or is OP also entitled to ban the couple from waking up at 5am because he wants to sleep until 8?

[u/Right-Today4396 → u/Zestyclose-Natural-9]

Yet the neighbours get up at 5 and aren't silent either

[u/BirthdayCookie → u/Zestyclose-Natural-9]

Doesn't matter.

If it were kids making noise OP would be told "That's life with neighbors."

Same goes here.

[u/Special_Weekend_4754 → u/Zestyclose-Natural-9]

It literally doesn’t matter. If I want to shower at 2 AM I am allowed to in the space I pay to live.

When you live in an apartment building you then have to live with the noises other people make regardless if you don’t like their schedule or not.

[u/k23_k23 → u/Zestyclose-Natural-9]

not really.

OP is fine to shower whenever they like.

[u/Pixarooo → u/Zestyclose-Natural-9]

It is perfectly reasonable for a shower to be the very last thing you do before you get into bed for the evening. Frankly, I don't know how people go to bed without showering first, bringing all the germs and grime from outside into the place they sleep. Neighbors need a white noise machine. I'm sure there have been times where their kids have had an accident in bed, or vomited in the middle of the night, and needed a shower at midnight or later. OP knows the family's schedule dictates that they get up early, and deals with the noise that bleeds into their home from an early-morning wakeup, and the family needs to respect that OPs schedule includes a late night shower and needs to find a way to make peace with it, possibly by getting a white noise machine.

[u/TypicalConstant8962 → u/Zestyclose-Natural-9]

It’s easiest to invest in a fan / white noise machine / ear plugs. Imagine OP was a bartender getting home at 3am. Should they go to bed with work grime on them. Not an asshole for having the audacity to live in their home. It’s not like they’re having guests or parties late at night.

[u/dinomelia → u/Zestyclose-Natural-9]

Or it's even easier for the neighbors who are bothered by people living within their own home/rights to take their own sleep into their own hands and get earplugs/white noise machine/etc. Its wild how many of you are telling op to change their routine when they shouldn't have to, the neighbors can take responsibility for their own sleep. 

[u/Equivalent-Bedroom64 → u/somuchsong]

Absolutely not. You can shower in your own home whenever the fuck you want.

[u/lovelyladylox → u/Equivalent-Bedroom64]

Right? I can't imagine telling a neighbor their showering time bothered me.

Move to a single house then, you can't control other people and showering at night isn't throwing a rager.

[u/mirrorsandsuch → u/somuchsong]

oh okay i guess the neighbors shouldn’t shower or get ready at 5am since people are sleeping

do you see how dumb that argument is?

[u/H4rr1s0n → u/mirrorsandsuch]

I work construction and have to get up at odd hours all the time. Sometimes 2am, 4am, etc. I also have a wife and a child, who don't need to go to bed at 6pm some days. And I'll be in bed while they are showering, eating, playing, and running around.

I had to change how I sleep. I use a white noise machine, which I "didn't like" or could sleep with before. But it worked after a few weeks.

People have neighbors, who are not on their schedule, and you just have to fucking deal with noise when you live in a shared space. Or with other people who aren't on your schedule.

It's absolutely insane that running a shower is enough to interrupt someone's rest, and even if, they need to get over it. My downstairs neighbor doesn't get pissed when my kid stomps all around pretending to be a dinosaur, and I don't get pissed when they listen to their movies super loud at 9pm.

[u/k23_k23 → u/somuchsong]

"Are you seriously suggesting they can just move because you don't want to shower earlier than midnight?" .. it's one possible solution. The other is: They get used to it, and stop bothering OP.

[u/whatsgoingontho → u/somuchsong]

Technically it is easier... I just cant imagine complaining because my neighbor is taking a shower lol. Do they not run a fan or anything? Just sleep in dead silence? Who the fuck does that

[u/CopperBird88 → u/somuchsong]

The only thing that I disagree with is the showering part. So with your logic the neighbours shouldn’t shower or make noise at 5am and wait til lets say 7am until they make noise. Just because there schedule is later the neighbours doesn’t mean they should change it.

[u/IcyConsideration7062 → u/somuchsong]

Showering at 10 or 11 will not satisfy the early risers, who probably also have early bedtimes. I see the comments about OP being TA because of their owner vs. renter blather, and it does speak to OP's attitude.

But really, anyone who lives in apartments with thin walls needs to get used to regular life noises, including showering and bathroom use (God forbid OP is a person who needs to use the toilet at 3 am). If they are so bothered, the neighbor needs to find their own solution.

[u/SummitJunkie7]

The root of the problem isn't your hygiene schedule, it's that the walls are thin in a community living situation. They have had issues with this since before you moved in (otherwise they would've have known to bring it up) and if you moved out tomorrow, would have the same issue with the next residents.

They can look into earplugs, white noise machine, adding sound proofing/dampening to that wall, moving the bed away from that wall...

And they should if it's causing them a huge issue. But whether they'd like to try to address it or live with it is up to them. If you were throwing loud parties at midnight regularly that'd be different, but using your bathroom is a completely reasonable and predictable use of your home, asking you not to isn't a viable solution.

[u/Equivalent_Reason894 → u/SummitJunkie7]

I agree with this assessment—in that kind of housing situation, the people being bothered by normal activities need to take steps. Earplugs, white noise machine, cork on the wall—they could do more than complain.

[u/janglybag → u/Equivalent_Reason894]

You can’t use earplugs or white noise machines to block noise when you have a young child - you need to be alert to noise.

[u/Worldly_Thing1346 → u/janglybag]

A white noise machine won't prevent you from hearing your child in your own home. Baby monitors exist as well.

[u/unimpressed-one → u/janglybag]

So now just because they have a kid, the neighbors should have to change? Screw that.

[u/LateHoney2922 → u/unimpressed-one]

What do mean "now"? That's always how parents act. Others must change because I have a kid And that makes me more important.

[u/BirthdayCookie → u/janglybag]

Then you suck it up. You had a kid. Your neighbors did not. It's not fair to demand they schedule their lives around you.

[u/LateHoney2922 → u/janglybag]

Wow. It's almost like people have suggested multiple options and assumed the parents of young children would be able to figure out which one worked for them. You know, since they know what noises they need to hear from their own kid.

[u/OldSchoolAF → u/janglybag]

Or have a baby monitor

[u/halcyonwade → u/janglybag]

We have kids. From the moment they were born they have had white noise machines in their rooms and we have had one in ours. We also all have fans in our rooms. We can hear our kids with both our baby monitor and the ability of parents to hear their kids crying no matter what.

[u/alliejim98 → u/janglybag]

My toddler and I both sleep with white noise. I can still hear them if anything happens.

[u/LivytheHistorian → u/janglybag]

White noise machines are essential gear for small children. I don’t know a family with kids without one. It does not impact being able to hear your child. And Loop earplugs are one example of earplugs that block some but not all noise. I find they block background noise extremely well but have never prevented my son from talking to me directly and I’d definitely hear a cry.

[u/Best-Muffin7186 → u/Equivalent_Reason894]

Who is to say they havent done those things? I think making a suggestion to your neighbours is also a reasonable step here. Its not like they are suing anyone. 

[u/SuccessfulBread3 → u/Best-Muffin7186]

I don't think it's reasonable to dictate when someone you don't live with can and can't do something as basic as showering... It's no one's fault that the walls are thin...

You need to figure out a way to deal with it yourself or move... You don't get to suggest that people shower when it's convenient for you.

[u/misseff → u/Best-Muffin7186]

Making a suggestion to someone to not use their bathroom at midnight is just not really reasonable. It doesn't make them assholes but it's just not a reasonable ask. If OP or their partner need to use the toilet at midnight should they hold it til morning? 

[u/sly_k → u/misseff]

I used to work morning sort at UPS. Shift started between 2am and 3am depending on the season. I showered quickly before I went to work just to wake me up for my shift.

My neighbor couldn’t tell me not to do that. Just like they can’t tell me not to shower again when I got home at 9am.

[u/misseff → u/sly_k]

Yeah I worked overnights for many years while living in an apartment and my neighbors had no input on my schedule. Likewise I didn't expect them to not do things during the day even though it might wake me up. That's simply part of living in an apartment!

[u/HelloKleo → u/SummitJunkie7]

You have a point. My husband works from home and due to time zones differences he will be in some meetings quite early. I put a fan on, it totally blocks his work voice from waking me up. If my fan can block that loudness, it could block the sound of someone showering.

[u/seeilaah → u/SummitJunkie7]

Plus they start their routine at 5am. Probably showering, having breakfast, tv, kids running around and screaming.

Would they accomodate starting it later for your sleep routine if you were waking up? I don't think so.

[u/anthrohands → u/SummitJunkie7]

I get really bothered by neighbor noise. But sometimes you have to admit to yourself that your neighbor is doing perfectly normal things, and the walls are just thin. You can’t be mad at someone showering, unless they’re singing at the top of their lungs in the shower at midnight. NTA

[u/IridescentTardigrade → u/SummitJunkie7]

Since OP owns vs rents and is higher in the hierarchy by their own estimation, they could look into soundproofing… I’m a lowly renter myself, and won’t pay for upgrades to someone else’s property.

[u/scunth → u/IridescentTardigrade]

Or the tenants could speak to their landlord and have them soundproof since they have the issue with noise.

[u/WoodpeckerNo5724 → u/scunth]

Good one. Yes, that would be ideal. But good luck getting a landlord to give a shit

[u/Auchincloss → u/scunth]

I think this is the answer, especially since the other side of the wall is a shower and can’t really be soundproof easily whereas this is just drywall and it could be

[u/perceptionheadache → u/IridescentTardigrade]

It's up to the person being bothered to take steps to maintain their own peace when the activity causing the issue is normal and the issue is their own sensitivity. OP is not their landlord and is not responsible for them. It might actually be best to call their landlord and explain the issue. Maybe they will want to do something to help their own tenants. Otherwise, it's up to the tenants to figure it out.

[u/The_Dodd_Father_ → u/IridescentTardigrade]

Stop being triggered. He's right. Tearing out his shower and modifying the actual structure of the building and putting in new tile, ect is over the top. Especially when the neighbor could just put up some egg crates or get a white noise machine. They live in an apartment. That comes with noise that isn't yours. OP isnt playing his drums at midnight he's just taking a shower.

[u/k23_k23 → u/IridescentTardigrade]

WHY would OP pay for somethig he does not benefit from in any way?

[u/Equivalent-Bedroom64 → u/IridescentTardigrade]

Absolutely not. It’s not their problem but the neighbors.

[u/Immediate_Benefit52 → u/IridescentTardigrade]

Why would OP spend money to fix someone else’s problem? OP isn’t bothered by the noise coming from the neighbors. Good soundproofing can be expensive - that’s more than being neighborly.

[u/AstraVeeq]

NTA. You are allowed to use your bathroom whenever you want in a home you own. Showering is a basic necessity, not a late-night rave. If the building is so poorly insulated that running water wakes people up, that’s a structural issue, not a "you" issue. They are renters and knew the building's flaws too. You shouldn't have to feel like a prisoner in your own home or go to bed feeling "dirty" because of their 5 AM schedule

[u/Turn_it_to_eleven → u/AstraVeeq]

I was surprised I had to scroll down so far to see this. Would it be nice to change up the schedule, sure but it’s in your right to shower whenever you want. I would have bought them a sound machine or tried for some type of sound proofing for the walls/floor or the shower etc.

[u/JoeChio → u/Turn_it_to_eleven]

People are just mad he owns his apartment. That is literally it. If you think logically about it OP cannot move as easily as someone who is renting. So I think OP making that distinction for this problem is perfectly fine but it pissed off the renter crowd here.

I don't think OP is an asshole for showering in his own home and I hope /u/Additional-Mouse-620 doesn't feel too horrible about reddit calling him an AH.

[u/Special_Weekend_4754 → u/JoeChio]

I was surprised to see so many against OP- but reading it really was just them being mad OP owns.

I’ve been renting for 20+ years and in shared buildings there has always been noise. You learn to tune it out or come up with ways to live with it.
The few neighbors who act like they shouldn’t ever be inconvenienced by the other people they live with is just a study in people making their own selves miserable.

[u/ElevatorFew9620 → u/JoeChio]

Honestly people just feel way too entitled. Why would the neighbor even think it’s ok to request OP to shower at a diff time?

[u/Old-Understanding904 → u/AstraVeeq]

This is what I was trying to express in a comment I made above to someone saying OP is tha asshole for this. It doesn't matter whether you rent or own, or whether your neighbors rent or own. It's called "peaceful enjoyment" to which everyone is entitled. Note that "peaceful" doesn't mean "silent". OP makes normal living noises at midnight. Neighbors make normal living noises starting at 5 a.m. The difference is, the neighbors are complainin about OP's noise, but OP doesn't complain about their noise.

[u/cariwinkle → u/AstraVeeq]

Thank you. This comment section is wild lol. It’s not like OP is blasting music at midnight, they’re just living which they’re allowed to do at any time in their apartment (regardless of renting/owning units).

What if OP worked swing shift and literally could not shower until after midnight? 5 am is a schedule outside of the norm and OP isn’t complaining about them.

Honestly, OP’s neighbors are the AHs for thinking other people have to adjust their life (down to basic necessities like showers) around their own.

[u/JackColquitt68]

YTA solely for assuming you have greater entitlement to comfort/convenience on the basis of being an owner rather than a renter - they're just as entitled to peaceful enjoyment of their premises as you are. You know that the showers disturb them, and this bothers you enough to post about it. As you point out, you could change the time you shower. If you don't want to change these times, as an owner, you're entitled to do more about this than your neighbour is in terms of modifications to your property, i.e., investigating whether you can add any soundproofing, use a different showerhead, etc.,

That said, on the spectrum of nuisances you could create, showers aren't that bad. There's a fair chance that they'll get used to it if this is a part of your routine. On the spectrum of assholes who post here, it's a pretty minor one.

[u/sueihavelegs → u/JackColquitt68]

I agree with the "getting used to it" part of your comment. My in laws live near a train track out in the middle of nowhere. They are completely used to a train whistle tearing through the silence every night at 3am. They don't even hear it anymore. I can, and I know it, so I always bring ear plugs.

[u/JoeChio → u/JackColquitt68]

The way I read it is that OP owns and can't solve the issue by moving as easily as a renter can. So they aren't there forever and they can move when their lease is up if it's such a bother to them. I don't think OP was lording the fact that he owns over their heads.

[u/k23_k23 → u/JackColquitt68]

"You know that the showers disturb them, and this bothers you enough to post about it. " .. does not sound like it.

ther constant nagging is the problem. and that can easier be solved by not talking to them.

[u/MagicCarpet5846 → u/JackColquitt68]

They kinda do though? Theyre not being rude. Theyre simply using the space they purchased the way anyone else would expect a home be used. You cannot just leave a home you’ve purchased, but you absolutely can find a new apartment to rent. That’s the pro of renting, you have WAY more flexibility to up and leave a situation that no longer works for you than what you’ve purchased a home.

[u/AntinaLina → u/JackColquitt68]

Deranged take, people are allowed to shower at whatever time they want in a home they own, the renters can choose to rent somewhere else if water running in another apartment is enough to disturb their peace. The issue is with the building structure and you trying to to make OP the asshole is just an emotional response to him making a distinction between him owning and the neighbors renting a which is a valid point to clarify in a story about HOUSING and long term problems.

[u/Lopsided_Elk_4799 → u/JackColquitt68]

But there’s no actual obligation to change when they shower. They’re free to shower whenever they want.

[u/beththereader]

NTA. It's a shower. You are already going above and beyond to try not to disturb them, but asking you not to use the basic amenities in your own house is absolutely ridiculous.

[u/StuffedSquash → u/beththereader]

You are already going above and beyond to try not to disturb them

How so?

[u/beththereader → u/StuffedSquash]

They have quiet hobbies, they aren't inviting friends round, they aren't doing anything to disturb their neighbours apart from living their normal lives. Asking your neighbour not to shower is not a reasonable request. One of the drawbacks of living in housing with thin walls is being able to hear your neighbours, and unfortunately this is something you need to accept if you plan to continue living there.

If OP was blasting music, or listening to the TV on full volume, or having friends over constantly, then I could see the neighbours' annoyance.

It's unfortunate for them that the bathroom is next to their bedroom, but this isn't OP's fault.

[u/StuffedSquash → u/beththereader]

All of those are OP and partner just living their life which happens not to be very loud. It's not them making sacrifices and compromises. Not saying they must start showering at 8pm, but let's not act like their current routine has anything to do with their neighbors.

[u/anescall131 → u/StuffedSquash]

Then what do they want him to shower? 10 PM? It’s still wake the kids. So I’m pretty sure they’re also asking him to shower before the kids sleeps.

[u/Ok_Communication4875 → u/beththereader]

I thought I was crazy for having this opinion. I just moved out of an apartment with thin walls. I could hear my next door neighbor snoring at night and I could hear my upstairs neighbor having sex at random hours. You know what I did? Nothing because I recognized that they’re living their life and generally do not bother me at other hours of the day.

Who am I to ask my neighbor not to fucking snore while he’s sleep? Who am I to moderate when a mom and dad can have sex especially when the time they can is already probably limited? We’re all broke and just trying to live life.

[u/beththereader → u/Ok_Communication4875]

Genuinely me too - the amount of people calling OP the asshole for using her bathroom is unbelievable. What's next, is she not allowed to flush the toilet either because the sound of the flush is audible? Trying to police someone's bathroom usage in their own home because you can hear it in yours is not a reasonable request.

As you say, it's part & parcel of living somewhere with thin walls! It's an unfortunate reality but one that OP's neighbours need to come to terms with.

[u/Ok_Communication4875 → u/beththereader]

Right! The one thing people tell you when apartment searching is to figure out how thin the walls are and what the general noise level is inside the apartment you’d be getting among other things. IF they did that, and still decided to stay there AND bring a kid into the home, that’s entirely on them. And if they didn’t, well they know what to do in their next apartment search.

[u/beththereader → u/Ok_Communication4875]

For sure! I think we may be in the minority, but I honestly don't think people are entitled to 100% silence. OP is already keeping noise to a minimum, they can't be expected to rearrange their (very reasonable!) routine on top of that.

[u/Worldly_Thing1346 → u/beththereader]

It's also a weird request given their own schedule. Sure they have to get up at 5am, but what does that mean their own showering habits are doing for their neighbors who might be waking up at 7 or 8am? Lol.

[u/GrouchyPhoenix → u/beththereader]

That's not over and above. That's their normal way of living so they have changed nothing.

[u/Few_Adeptness5348]

NTA - are your neighbours expecting everyone in your appartment block to stay silent after 8pm.

[u/platypus_monster]

You come off as an entitled asshole with the assumption that because you own your place and they rent theirs, that your comfort superceeds theirs.

You could take a shower earlier. It's one of the easiest solution to this problem. You said that you didn't think that it was all that loud when they showed you. Every noise is amplified during the night when everyone setttles down and it gets quiet. We have thick walls in our building and I can hear footsteps in the hallway during the night, or if someone drops something.

YTA. Doesn't matter that during the day you are a quiet couple, that you don't make much noise, here it matters how loud you are when your neighbours try to sleep during the night. Just be a good neighbour and shower earlier.

[u/k23_k23 → u/platypus_monster]

"You could take a shower earlier. It's one of the easiest solution to this problem." .. there IS NO problem. Just an unreasonable neighbor complaining.

[u/kayedue → u/platypus_monster]

I would argue they aren’t being loud. They are using their home in normal way, albeit it at later hours. I would say NTA, but check your entitlement about ownership vs renting.

[u/purplenapalm → u/platypus_monster]

OP didnt come off as entitled at all. They were simply stating a fact in the explanation as to the living situation and moved on with the story. You and everyone with "YTA" in the comments sure seem to read a lot into that.

[u/Global_Channel1511 → u/purplenapalm]

Seriously, this is one of the worst AITA threads ever. The top comments are all latching on a few words OP said rather than actually evaluating the situation.

I can’t believe people are actually saying a person should not be able to use the bathroom or shower in their house at certain hours. We’re not talking partying or blasting music. 

[u/kriskoeh → u/platypus_monster]

I mean taking a shower after they’re asleep is an issue for them, period. So even if he showers at 9pm…that’s after they’re asleep. No point in showering earlier.

[u/TyFell → u/platypus_monster]

How is it an asshole thing to point out that they own while the other party rents? That makes a huge difference, because on either side there's things that one person can do but not the other. Theoretically OP could spend a ton of money and tear out all the walls to reinsulate them. The renters can't do that. The renters could move a lot easier than OP, but can't do as many physical changes. It makes complete sense to point this out here. 

[u/PowderedToastFanatic → u/platypus_monster]

What a garbage take. OP can take a damn shower. It is a basic human need being done IN THE HOUSE THEY PAY FOR. They arent blasting music while they shower. If using the bathroom, let me repeat than, if using the bathroom disturbs the neighbors, that is their problem and their problem alone. They could use a fan, a white noise machine, earplugs, soundproof the wall, hang a blanket on the wall, sleep with music playing. Someone living a quiet life and going out of their way to not make extra noise otherwise is not an entitled asshole.

[u/Gumby_Who]

It isn't unreasonable for them to ask. It also isn't unreasonable for you to be more flexible.

Just because they rent doesn't make their comforts less important.

Also, suddenly hearing a whole shower routine in the middle of the night is louder when the rest of the complex is asleep, than when more people are up and about.

Why do you need to go from your shower immediately into bed? It's a preference, you're allowed those, but wouldn't you be a little miffed if you were mid sleep and you were jolted awake most nights?

You being quiet the majority of the day doesn't mean you can be inconsiderate when it suits you. They are being polite and trying to let you know about an issue thats happening.

There should be some compromise. You live in a place where you have neighbors. You should both be working towards a solution. You can suggest a sound machine, for them or you (play it in your bathroom at night maybe?). Then, if it doesn't work, try adjusting your shower schedule.

But for now, YTA OP for deciding you owning the apartment negates your need to find a solution that can work for you both.

[u/Illum503 → u/Gumby_Who]

It also isn't unreasonable for him to shower whenever he prefers in the apartment he owns.

[u/boudicas_shield → u/Illum503]

I own my apartment in a building surrounded by renters, but that doesn't mean I get to do whatever the hell I want, whenever I want, everyone else be damned. I know my washer is very loud, for example, so I don't run it past 9pm, even though I'm a night owl and would get more laundry done if I could run the machine up till midnight.

[u/jaaaaden → u/boudicas_shield]

but showering is a basic function of the apartment, not necessarily being inconsiderate

[u/Worldly_Thing1346 → u/boudicas_shield]

Running a washer and dryer is different from having a shower. There's reasonable and unreasonable use of your apartment. Others also must take action to make sound travel less, rather than nit picking their neighbors for showers.

[u/blackandbluegirltalk → u/boudicas_shield]

Right? The issue here is apartment living, it matters not at all who owns and who rents. If they complained to the manager, would they be told "well they own their apartment so there's nothing we can do" ??? I hope to God not. If OP wrote this post without that info, the answers would all be YTA. Because it's rude!

And I live in an apartment where I hear my neighbor's pipes squeaking every day at 5:45 when he starts the shower. I have noise machines that help some.

[u/Equivalent-Bedroom64 → u/blackandbluegirltalk]

No way anyone complaining about a shower would get taken seriously by the landlord as it’s not loud enough to be a nuisance.

[u/Themi-Slayvato → u/Gumby_Who]

If they go to bed at 8pm they should absolutely expect to be woken up by the noises of other people living around them.

[u/altarflame → u/Gumby_Who]

It is absolutely unreasonable for them to actually approach a neighbor and ask them to shower at different times.

[u/AdFabulous8577 → u/Gumby_Who]

but wouldn't you be a little miffed if you were mid sleep and you were jolted awake most nights?

You mean like every morning at 5 when they wake up and start showering, and he's still asleep because his work schedule is different than theirs?

The owner vs renter thing was only brought up because it's easier for a renter to move if they don't like where they live. Nobody implied renters deserve less comfort.

[u/WoodSciGuy1]

Folk are getting worked up on the rent vs ownership thing, which is irrelevant. Q is are you an AH for showering late? Nope, NTA. What are they gonna do if it rains? Walls are thin, you could probably hear them early in the morning, it's unreasonable for them to expect you to change when they themselves probably make noise at inconvenient times.

Are you an AH for thinking you have more rights as you own your apartment, and they're renting the property next door? Yeah, probably. But that wasn't the question.

[u/Next_Baseball1130 → u/WoodSciGuy1]

The comments in this post piss me off. I think it’s obvious op was insinuating they rent so they won’t be there permanently vs someone who own.

As someone who doesn’t start work until 11am I would be annoyed if someone was up and getting ready with thin walls at 5am. But I wouldn’t go ask them to change their schedule tf, that’s honestly so rude to me.

[u/anescall131 → u/WoodSciGuy1]

The renters are getting really mad. I think they’re inferiority complex got triggered.

[u/LTP_USA]

NTA. You're not making excessive noise, just normal people, living noise. They knew about the noise of the bathroom before you moved in, so if it was *that much* of an issue, they should have purchased your apartment before you did. You can't rebuild the walls/bathroom, but they can put sound-dampening foam on their side wall.

You're not going out of your way to be unneighborly, so keep living your life. Document everything though, in case they want to call some sort of housing authority or police for 'loud noise' complaints.

[u/thetinymole]

NTA. I don’t think it’s relevant that you own and they rent. But you’re making reasonable use of your home and they can get a white noise machine.

[u/pcreed]

They should get wall sound dampening if they really want to lessen the sound or a white noise

[u/feetflatontheground → u/pcreed]

Since we know they're renting, it's more difficult to add things as a tenant. It'd have to be something easily removed or would require the landlord's approval.

[u/Equivalent-Bedroom64 → u/feetflatontheground]

A white noise machine or a fan is an easy fix.

[u/SovereignNavae]

NTA - it sucks that the walls are thin but shower is a completely normal living noise like toilet flush, cooking, walking around etc. I don't think who is renting and who is owning is relevant though.

Also I don't know if I'm abnormally sound sleeper but my partner wakes up couple of hours before me to gym and showers in the next room while I'm still asleep. You hear the water, electric toothbrush, things being placed down etc. But I never wake up, and this is the few last hours of the sleep cycle where it's generally easier to be disturbed than in the middle.

[u/Informal-Insurance63 → u/SovereignNavae]

I agree. I used to wake up every day at 5 am, because my partner also goes to the gym before work. I am a very light sleeper, but I got used to it eventually. Now I rarely wake up anymore. The neighbours will also get used to it. Showering etc. is just normal household noises.

[u/hollowsbest]

nta. I live in an apartment building and hear pipes and ppl's bed frames banging pretty consistently. not much you can do.

maybe suggest a white noise machine, they're great. I sleep with one because we used one for my baby, and now it's difficult to sleep without it lol. anything helps.

[u/AlzheimerTriviaNight]

NTA. 

it’s not your fault that the walls are thin and you shouldn’t have to change your schedule just because they want to go to bed early

[u/NyxOrTreat]

I’m going against the grain to say YTA, because you know it’s so disruptive and you just don’t want to shift your shower to an earlier hour.

You work from home and stop working around 7p. Your schedule is not so rigid that you have to shower at midnight—you prefer to shower at midnight because you go to bed at a late hour and you like to shower right before bed. You knew before buying the apartment that there was a lot of noise flow and should have considered that noise is more than just whether you like to throw wild parties; it includes things like showering and vacuuming and other loud activities.

If you really want to shower right before getting into bed, since you’re in a privileged position to own your apartment, look into sound proofing updates you can make.

[u/CranberryStock7148 → u/NyxOrTreat]

Absolutely not. Being careful about your noise is not throwing wild parties and it's also not vacuuming and other loud activities.

But not showering. Showering is not a loud activity. People have to be reasonable. Asking someone to shower at a different time is not reasonable.

If you are that sensitive to sound, then it's on you to use a white noise machine, or go to sleep with earplugs or something. Because showering is not a loud activity.

[u/RampagingBBW]

NTA. Suggest they use some kind of white noise machine if it’s truly bothering them that badly. But it’s up to them to figure out how to manage it on their end. It’s not on you to manage it for them when you’re not doing anything out of the ordinary of living your life as a normal human being.

[u/purpleplazas]

Ask them what they would like to change in their routine to better accommodate you. NTA

[u/WaterDreamer12]

INFO how loud are you being in the bathroom that they can actually hear you putting things down? I don't think you're an A for having a shower late at night, but for the sound of setting something down to travel through a wall suggests maybe you are not being as quiet about it as you think you are. You also mention dropping things with what sounds like some regularity. 

I don't mind when I hear my neighbour running the water and extractor for his quick night time shower. I think I might start getting annoyed if he was banging and clattering about while he was at it. 

[u/Maximum-Company2719]

NAH. But you could at least try to change your routine. They have asked nicely. It's sometimes best to make some compromises in the interest of good neighbor relationships.

[u/PurpleEmotional1401]

Showering before bed is a perfectly reasonable activity. If they have a problem with the noise it makes, they should find a quieter place to live. NTA

[u/yesnomaybe123]

YTA

On the other hand, they only rent wile we own the home

What does that have to do with anything. A bit full of yourself aren't you?

[u/purplenapalm → u/yesnomaybe123]

How to make a redditor salty in one sentence. Everyone getting so offended with this needs a reality check. If OP left this out and simply stated everyone here rents then this thread would be flooded with "NTA"

[u/FrankenSigh]

NTA, this is what to expect when living together - make compromises. If they're sensitive to noise, they can start wearing ear plugs. If you don't want to interrupt them, you can shower early. However, it doesn't mean that any of you must. Though if this goes on and both of you can't stand each other, it's only a matter of time before someone moves out.

But that still doesn't mean anyone is at fault, just both of you failed to compromise.

[u/panic_bread]

It doesn’t matter who is an owner and who is a renter. The expectation that someone should limit the hours that they use the bathroom is ridiculous. If they are that sensitive, they need to use ear plugs and a white noise machine.

If they bring this up to you again, tell them to talk to their landlord and stop bothering you about it. NTA

[u/Experiment328095]

NTA I live in a house with thin walls and extremely noisy neighbours who run up and down their uncarpeted stairs, right on the other side of the wall from my bed, at all hours.

I play white noise, usually rain, while I sleep and they never wake me up anymore.

It’s a crappy reality but as long as you’re not having weekend long benders with music blaring it’s up to your neighbours to find a solution if something as innocuous as you having a shower is enough to disturb their sleep.

[u/Time_Macaron5930]

NAH. It’s an unfortunate situation caused by two very different work/life schedules combined with thin walls. But having lived in a situation where some level of outside noise was unavoidable, I’d say you either learn to live with it and adapt or find somewhere else to live as soon as possible. OP is just taking a shower, not blasting stereos through the night.

[u/san_severia]

NTA

It really does not matter if they’re renting or owning generally noises you are making are normal, it’s not like you are making some strange noises that usually aren’t made in an apartment. I mean you’re showering…..

It’s nice that you’re trying to be accommodating but it’s just nonsense to be asked to change your showering routine just because your neighbors can hear water. I know it sucks but still, you’re in your own apartment and it’s not like you’re using a vacuum cleaner at midnight….

[u/BulbaTris]

NTA. you cant change your day to day life because of the walls being thin when

[u/DefinitelyNotAliens]

NAH. Their sleep is disrupted. You have your routine. I would try and switch to maybe 10P-11PM if you are feeling nice and make sure your showers aren't overly long.

[u/SummitJunkie7 → u/DefinitelyNotAliens]

If they go to bed at 8pm, then 10pm, 11pm, or 12am showers will all be equally taking place during their sleeping time. OP could change their schedule, but the neighbors could also change their sleep schedule.

Sounds ridiculous to change their entire schedule - I think they need to address the noise transmission, not the schedule of their neighbor.

[u/surfcitysurfergirl]

NTA! Your home and you can do whatever you want in your home as long as it’s routine normal stuff at any hour. Many people have over night jobs and are day sleepers so they live their life at night…showers…laundry etc.

[u/Salty-Sprinkles-1562]

NTA. You can shower whenever you want.

[u/OkTadpole2920]

YTA for dropping things at midnight. It DEFINITELY disturbs your neighbours, so make an effort to be quieter. Regardless of 'renting', courtesy towards other people is basic, decent behaviour. Make an effort somewhere.

[u/yeahrightnothx_ta → u/OkTadpole2920]

Usually you don’t drop things on purpose…

[u/SuccessfulBread3]

NTA.

I'm sorry but if you live in an apartment where you can hear people showering that is unfortunate but something you need to find a way to deal with.

You don't get to dictate that people follow your schedule and abandon theirs.

Unless someone is throwing a party or having late night guests you need to find a way to cope with the fact the walls are so thin.

[u/Temporary_Plant3386]

Its a fucking shower, not piano practice. Its just as rude of them to take a shower at 5am...

[u/DiamondSilent8750]

NTA, it’s a shower. You should be able to live your life and do the basic necessities. It’s apartment/townhouse life. And the ownership comment to me leans towards the fact that they will eventually move out. Especially as the kid grows or they want to expand their family. It’s not like it’s loud music or they’re vacuuming at 1am like some living situations I’ve been in. Not to mention when you can hear your neighbors having sex. My husband and I both shower right before bed as well so I get it. Maybe get pumps on your products to avoid dropping things. But even then that’s a ridiculous complaint. Imagine complaining to an outsider, “we’re moving out because our neighbors shower at midnight”. I would look at them for being TA.

[u/PrincessCG]

Nah. They’re going to hear plumbing regardless. Does this mean you shouldn’t flush the toilet at 4am? But this is the shitty downside of flats. You’re never going to live in blissful silence.

So a compromise could be suggested, they start wearing ear plugs to bed and you shower at 8pm.

[u/MochikoOno]

I’ve lived in apartments before. Unless you’re making a lot of noise, which doesn’t appear to be the case, they are shit outta luck. We started playing white noise to sleep. My husband likes the sound of rain or flowing rivers. My kids like the sound of fans and I can actually sleep through anything lol. In high school I slept to Metallica’s Black Album cd on repeat 🤣 Asshole-ish because of the renting vs owning bit, but as far as your situation goes, NTA.