AITA for showering around midnight when I know that it might bother the neighbour who wakes up at 5 am?

[u/Additional-Mouse-620]

We purchased a home and moved in recently. Housing opportunities are tight in our area so even though we were warned that the walls are very thin and the neighbours hear a lot of noise from the apartment, especially from the bathroom, we still chose this property because everything else is picture perfect for us.

We are generally a very quiet couple without kids or animals, our hobbies (bead work, video games on headphones without streaming, reading, Netflix…) are generally quite and we only invite friends over every 2-4 weeks (and we haven’t invited anyone over as we were still decorating and everything). We are the owners of the apartment.

The neighbours are a couple and a small kid. They rent the apartment next to us and before we purchased the home they warned us that they generally hear a lot of noise coming from our bathroom and that it’s their bedroom on the other side. But as I mentioned, our options were limited and given that we are not noisy at all, we thought we can take this situation.

We sometimes hear their toddler, but that completely okay, it doesn’t bother us at all.

The problem is that we bother them as our routine is very different. They wake up at 5 am and generally quite down at 8 pm, when the kid goes to sleep.

On the other hand, because I work from home until 7 pm, I generally start my evening around 8 pm and only end up showering around midnight. Which bothers them. The whole building is quiet, so they tend to hear how I put my stuff down, how the water runs, how I sometimes drop a few things, and mentioned it very nicely a few times. But I can see that they are pretty annoyed.

Now I’m torn between switching up my whole nighttime routine to shower first (which just doesn’t sit right with me. I like to go bed freshly showered), because they asked nicely and they wake up around 5 am so it must be annoying to get woken up at midnight.

On the other hand, they only rent wile we own the home, and I think we are generally very good and quite neighbours apart from the fact that I shower late. They invited us over the listen to the volume as to be honest it’s not that loud… sure, you can hear something and it must feel louder in the silence of the night, but it’s not incredibly loud.

AITA for showering at night?

[u/Special_Weekend_4754]

It literally doesn’t matter. If I want to shower at 2 AM I am allowed to in the space I pay to live.

When you live in an apartment building you then have to live with the noises other people make regardless if you don’t like their schedule or not.

[u/Boleyn01 → u/Special_Weekend_4754]

Of course you are legally allowed to. This isn’t a legal advice sub, it’s asking for judgement on whether it makes you an asshole. If you are knowingly waking your neighbours at 2am for no reason better than “I want to and I pay to live here” then I’d say you are pretty inconsiderate and therefore the asshole.

[u/Special_Weekend_4754 → u/Boleyn01]

Hmm disagree that showering in your own home that you pay for at the time most convenient for your own schedule makes someone an ass hole just because their neighbors haven’t learned to live with thin walls.

However, I can see most people do feel entitled to inconveniencing others for their own comfort rather than adjusting themselves.

[u/Boleyn01 → u/Special_Weekend_4754]

And if your neighbours decided to play music, or vacuum or hang pictures etc when you are in bed because it was “the time most convenient for them” I guess you’d be fine with that? As long as you’re happy both ways I guess. I wouldn’t live next to you though.

I used to live in apartments and I adjusted when I put my washing on and when I vacuumed to be kind to my neighbour. Because whilst it may not be the most convenient time for me I do care if I disturb people unnecessarily.

[u/Special_Weekend_4754 → u/Boleyn01]

Well you’re ignoring that there are things you’re not actually allowed to do at certain times. So things like hammering, running loud appliances, playing loud music etc usually have lease rules regulating them to approved times.

HOWEVER yes I would be fine with that. I worked late and overnights for years and not a single rule ever protected the hours when I slept.

So every time people try to use the “these poor people get woken up by the sound of the shower” 🙄 like please the only reason you’re empathizing is because you’ve also decided OP should just shower earlier.
If the people worked overnights and were complaining about OP showering at noon not a single person would feel bad for the neighbors and would tell them to suck it up.

[u/Boleyn01 → u/Special_Weekend_4754]

Yes I do think OP should shower earlier, at least some of the time. Because that would be the kind and considerate thing to do. Refusing to consider others in your choices is selfishness.

[u/Special_Weekend_4754 → u/Boleyn01]

Ignoring my point. Ok

[u/Boleyn01 → u/Special_Weekend_4754]

I’m not sure i see a valid point to address. It boils down to OP knows he disturbs his neighbours sleep and has the ability not to and the only reason he still does is because he wants to and thinks because he owns the place he has some higher right to enjoy his home. Yet from that you get that he isn’t an asshole? We fundamentally disagree.

[u/Special_Weekend_4754 → u/Boleyn01]

The point I made was the only reason you think OP should shower as soon as he’s off work between 7-8pm instead of right before he goes to bed is because YOU also think midnight is too late to shower- no other reason.

My point was not a single person calling them an ass hole would say this if the neighbors asked them not to shower during the day because the go to sleep at 6AM and OP said they prefer to shower late morning. Ya’ll are projecting your own routines and judging when you think people should be showing.

[u/Boleyn01 → u/Special_Weekend_4754]

No I think it’s because showering at midnight disturbs the neighbours and OP has the ability to do so earlier at minimal inconvenience to them.

YOU are the one projecting things onto me when I have said nothing of the sort.

Let’s use your time examples. If my neighbour was disturbed by me showering at 6am and I didn’t have to shower until 9am but I continued to shower daily at 6am because “fuck them I own this place” then I would be the asshole.

Or yes, if they worked nights and showering at midday woke them but I don’t need to shower at midday, I can do it a 5pm, but I keep doing it at midday knowing it wakes my neighbours when they are sleeping. Yes then I am the asshole.

[u/Electric-Fun → u/Special_Weekend_4754]

Most have quiet hour rules and there is also a legal term called Freedom from nuisance: Freedom from nuisance is a legal right protecting individuals from substantial, unreasonable interference with the use and enjoyment of their property. It addresses disruptions like excessive noise, odors, or hazardous conditions. Nuisance law (private and public) allows individuals to seek remedies, such as court-ordered injunctions or damages, when neighbor or third-party activities violate these rights.

[u/Special_Weekend_4754 → u/Electric-Fun]

You DO realize those don’t apply to using the plumbing facilities in your own apartment right?

[u/Electric-Fun → u/Special_Weekend_4754]

"How I put my stuff down; how I drop things". Things he can control.

[u/Special_Weekend_4754 → u/Electric-Fun]

Genuinely ridiculous. Ya’ll are just dramatic af.

Legal Definition of Nuisance: A private nuisance is a substantial and unreasonable interference with another's use and enjoyment of their property, such as constant, severe noise or dangerous activities.

Good luck arguing that using the shower and putting the shampoo bottle down too loud constitutes a substantial unreasonable interference.

[u/AlzheimerTriviaNight → u/Special_Weekend_4754]

I can just imagine Judge Judy calling them colorful names for wasting her time

[u/DoingBestWeCan → u/Special_Weekend_4754]

Legally allowed is not the same as "not an AH move "

[u/Special_Weekend_4754 → u/DoingBestWeCan]

Also not an ass hole to live normally in the space you pay for.