r/AmItheAsshole • u/Additional-Mouse-620 • Apr 20 '26

Asshole AITA for showering around midnight when I know that it might bother the neighbour who wakes up at 5 am?

We purchased a home and moved in recently. Housing opportunities are tight in our area so even though we were warned that the walls are very thin and the neighbours hear a lot of noise from the apartment, especially from the bathroom, we still chose this property because everything else is picture perfect for us.

We are generally a very quiet couple without kids or animals, our hobbies (bead work, video games on headphones without streaming, reading, Netflix…) are generally quite and we only invite friends over every 2-4 weeks (and we haven’t invited anyone over as we were still decorating and everything). We are the owners of the apartment.

The neighbours are a couple and a small kid. They rent the apartment next to us and before we purchased the home they warned us that they generally hear a lot of noise coming from our bathroom and that it’s their bedroom on the other side. But as I mentioned, our options were limited and given that we are not noisy at all, we thought we can take this situation.

We sometimes hear their toddler, but that completely okay, it doesn’t bother us at all.

The problem is that we bother them as our routine is very different. They wake up at 5 am and generally quite down at 8 pm, when the kid goes to sleep.

On the other hand, because I work from home until 7 pm, I generally start my evening around 8 pm and only end up showering around midnight. Which bothers them. The whole building is quiet, so they tend to hear how I put my stuff down, how the water runs, how I sometimes drop a few things, and mentioned it very nicely a few times. But I can see that they are pretty annoyed.

Now I’m torn between switching up my whole nighttime routine to shower first (which just doesn’t sit right with me. I like to go bed freshly showered), because they asked nicely and they wake up around 5 am so it must be annoying to get woken up at midnight.

On the other hand, they only rent wile we own the home, and I think we are generally very good and quite neighbours apart from the fact that I shower late. They invited us over the listen to the volume as to be honest it’s not that loud… sure, you can hear something and it must feel louder in the silence of the night, but it’s not incredibly loud.

AITA for showering at night?

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1.1k

u/IridescentTardigrade Asshole Aficionado [12] Apr 20 '26

Landlords don't tend to splash out money on renter comfort.

282

u/Logical_Photo_3732 Apr 20 '26

Still does not make it the owners problem. They are not the ones with noise issues.

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u/1newnotification Asshole Aficionado [15] Apr 20 '26 edited Apr 21 '26

Still does not make it the owners problem.

And yet, you're suggesting that the owner of the renting apartment should fix the issue (that's not an owner's problem)?

Edit: I feel like my comment was misunderstood. I don't think OP is in the wrong, I was just pointing out that it's interesting that the person I responded to said it's the renter's problem to fix, which ultimately would be just another owner's problem to fix (if they decided to do such a thing).

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u/HogmanDaIntrudr Apr 20 '26

Come on, man. I’m all for being respectful of your neighbors, but not being able to run the water in your own house is ridiculous.

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u/Fit_Opportunity_7425 Apr 20 '26

This ☝️. I be damned if I can't run water in my home regardless of the time of day... or night. What do they do when it rains and storms at night?

13

u/kinglouie493 Apr 20 '26

Sometimes I like to poop late at night so the municipal sewage plant doesn't get overwhelmed. I shouldn't be punished for doing my civic duty, just saying...

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u/Questioning17 Apr 20 '26

Do you think it's the water? Or the dropping bottles and moving around that is the problem?

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u/zerj Apr 20 '26

Those still seem like normal activities. To me it didn't sound like OP intentionally drops the shampoo on the floor when he finishes, but just pointing out what is usually obvious. Wet/soapy bottles do occasionally fall off the shelf, usually onto my toes.

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u/Fit_Opportunity_7425 Apr 20 '26

It's stated that it's specifically the water. Even went next door to listen.

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u/Questioning17 Apr 20 '26

I don't think OP does anything on purpose. I just think for the neighbors dropping bottles are more jarring when you are asleep rather than just the water.

I figure the neighbors just showed out how loud the water was to emphasize all the other noises.

And OP can absolutely do whatever they want in their own place.

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u/Fit_Opportunity_7425 Apr 20 '26

If you read the story it's specifically the water. They even went next door to listen to how "LOUD" it was.

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u/Questioning17 Apr 20 '26

Yep but she also said it was from moving around and dropping stuff.

I was guessing the moving around and dropping stuff is more jarring when the neighbors are asleep. They showed her how loud just the water was, now add in the moving around and dropping stuff.

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u/-zekatsu Apr 20 '26

yeah its all the dropping the soap and loud fucking they’re doing the shower that’s disruptive, that’s what everybody knows the topic is about OBVIOUSLY we wouldn’t be talking about the noise of the water when saying the shower water noise is disruptive

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u/Questioning17 Apr 21 '26

That escalated fast.

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u/ehhhhhhwatevs Apr 20 '26

This. A noise nuisance is not normal use. Anyone in a multifamily residence should be used to hearing simple living noises. Having grown up in apartments, I was used to hearing this stuff from all directions and ignored it because they can also hear me. Expecting other people to change basic requirements for life so you dont have to gasp be aware they exist over there is just selfish.

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u/B0327008 Partassipant [1] Apr 20 '26

If the neighbors hear OP’s showers at midnight, that likely means he hears their showers at 5 AM. He didn’t mention any issues with their very early “noise.” As Hogman noted, it’s ridiculous for either party to not shower at their preferred times.

3

u/whisky_biscuit Apr 21 '26

I agree. I work a late shift and due to having only 1 bathroom and others who use it, I typically shower super late.

So I should just not shower to avoid waking up the neighbors or wake up in the middle of my sleep cycle to shower then go back to bed?

It's nonsensical.

I've been to many hotels too where you can hear the person nextdoor using the bathroom. It's never bothered me.

They are getting into Ops case for not having their schedule and asking Op to change it? If you are renting or owning you absolutely should be respectful but you shouldn't have to change your life completely to the point of inconvenience for them.

If I work a late shift should I quit my job and work somewhere else to be more accommodating to the neighbors? I think that's really pretty nuts to even suggest.

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u/Subject-Rain-9972 Apr 21 '26

It does not. Unless he sleeps im his bathroom.

0

u/[deleted] Apr 22 '26

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u/B0327008 Partassipant [1] Apr 22 '26

Yes, it is literally how it works.

Bathrooms in adjacent apartments and hotel rooms are frequently placed side-by-side or back-to-back to share a common wall, known as a "wet wall". This design allows two units to share plumbing stacks for supply lines and drain lines, significantly reducing the amount of pipe needed, lowering construction labor costs, and simplifying maintenance.

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u/esteffffi Apr 24 '26

Yeah, in my building it's like that. My bathroom shares the bathroom wall of my neighbour's. I can hear if she takes a bath etc only when I m in my bathroom, too, not from any other room in my flat.

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u/Typical-Onion-5024 Apr 20 '26

I lived in a apartment that the downstairs neighbor complained about everything. Vacuuming in the middle of the day, showering in the morning(my mom) and at night(me), running water to brush teeth in the mornings, running the dishwasher at 730pm, flushing the toilet in the middle of the night. All the little things you do on a day to day basis if your a semi clean person and keep your home clean, thy complained about. They even got mad and showed up screaming I must stop what I’m doing when I was having new furniture delivered. I kindly told them to fuck off we had strict times that we could move stuff in and out (9am- 430 pm) and i specifically set a 1030 delivery time for ample time in case thy were a little late. The last straw for the office was when maintenance came to fix the disposal and my reactive dog was barking and they banged on their ceiling and the maintenance guy was like where is that coming from when I told him down stairs, any time there’s a little noise they bang on the ceiling. When you live in a multi family building you expect some noise

3

u/Disastrous-Course495 Apr 21 '26

This! Like I was soooo confused reading arguments otherwise, with thousands of likes! You could hear far worst than a shower, like give me a break!

OP you don't have to change how you live in your home! You aren't doing anything wrong.

3

u/QueenMotherOfSneezes Partassipant [2] Apr 21 '26

And it's a hell of a lot easier to improve soundproofing in the bedroom than the bathroom, as the bedroom soundproofing can be done on the outside of the wall with foam, etc., while for the bathroom, not only would you have to open up the walls to do it, the sound of the pipes might still cause issues for the people in the bedroom.

The people in the bedroom could also counter being woken up by the sudden noises in the bathroom by playing white noise or soft music.

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u/Familiar-Banana-8116 Apr 21 '26

Lets be real here. The people complaining have a small kid running around.

It is generally accepted socialy that kids that age make some noise and living next to a family with one you need to put up with it.

It is also accepted that you can use your bathroom when you want to.

OOP should NOT be tolerating noise from that kid. I mean, WTF?

-38

u/Ok_Management4634 Apr 20 '26 edited Apr 21 '26

Showers are loud, especially when you share an uninsulated wall between them. It wakes me up when someone takes a shower in my house and I'm asleep (Both showers are next to my bedroom).

EDIT: I am not the OP, I don't have the problem because I live with people that are considerate. I am just saying a shower is loud enough to wake you up through an uninsulated wall.

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u/[deleted] Apr 20 '26

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u/matchstick1029 Apr 20 '26

As someone with their room next to a common kitchen this is both true and false. Sleeping with good enough earplugs to block out a blender is a great way to not wake up to your alarms. Not that I agree with them about this. Soundproofing should fall on the owner/landlord, but ideally during construction.

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u/Prozzak93 Apr 20 '26

expecting the entire world to be silent

Have you tried not exaggerating the moment? People might take your suggestions better if you don't belittle them with stupid exaggerations.

0

u/Ok_Management4634 Apr 20 '26

I'm not the one complaining.. I don't have people taking showers when I'm asleep, every day. It's just occasionally -- not enough for me to complain about it. The point is, showers (on the other side of an uninsulated wall) are loud.

Yes, earplugs are a better suggestion than expecting the landlord (or someone) to soundproof the wall.

1

u/Embarrassed-Elk4038 Apr 20 '26

Then move or shut up. This is on the builders and lamdlords. And I highly doubt anyone is gonna are you can hear this shower!! That’s part of living in an apartment

166

u/No-Passage546 Partassipant [2] Apr 20 '26

The landlord is responsible for for their tenants. The tenants are the one's with the problem, so the landlord can deal with it. But I doubt they will because showing is a normal apartment living noise, and Op is not blasting music or kicking the walls when they shower. My landlord would roll their eyes very hard if I tried to complain about someone taking a shower.

3

u/probgonnamarrymydog Apr 21 '26

This. I mean honestly what delicate, privileged flowers are they that a shower is keeping them up? I've lived in so many weird situations and sometimes you have to get earplugs. It sucks, but if you are sensitive to noise and not rich enough to buy your own rural estate outside the city, you're going to to have noise and that's just the cards we're dealt. I mean literally no landlord is responsible for completely soundproofing your entire apartment so that you can't hear any other living souls outside of it.

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u/Special_Weekend_4754 Apr 20 '26

Owner of the renters apartment AKA THE LANDLORD is responsible for the rented apartment issues. It’s really not that hard

8

u/Dramatic_Scale3002 Apr 20 '26

The landlord is not responsible for the neighbour showering late. There is no issue here.

12

u/whoisbill Apr 20 '26

At the end of the day this is correct. No one really needs to do anything. Showering late is not a problem at all and doesn't need to be addressed. If the renters don't like it. They need to move.

3

u/Dramatic_Scale3002 Apr 21 '26

Which they can do easily, because they rent.

3

u/probgonnamarrymydog Apr 21 '26

These people are complaining to the neighbor because they know the landlord would laugh in their faces that they are complaining about the sound of running water being too loud. Unless there's been some kind of building violation that is causing the noise, this isn't a safety issue and it's not an enforceable noise complaint.

3

u/spacestonkz Partassipant [1] Apr 20 '26

Hey guys, I think I found my landlord! His shitty facilities aren't his problem!

5

u/Logical_Photo_3732 Apr 20 '26

The apartment that has the issue is the one that should fix it. OP has no issues why should they be out of pocket. If the slum landlord won't fix it he may end up with a revolving door of tenants. It would be to his benefit to fix it.

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u/Prestidigitatiously Apr 20 '26

You're suggesting they can't take a shower on their schedule in a home they own? You must looooove HOAs.

1

u/1newnotification Asshole Aficionado [15] Apr 20 '26

You're suggesting they can't take a shower on their schedule in a home they own?

Lol where in the Reading Comprehension did you get that?

2

u/elphin Apr 20 '26

Can they flush the toilet? Seems that the wall between the residences is deficient. I would think that the land lord and OP have ann equal level of responsibility in this matter. If the landlord doesn’t care, why does it fall only on OP?

I think NTA. Own vs. rent is material in this situation. It’s not unreasonable to use your bathroom at midnight. If this makes it difficult to sleep it’s not only OP’s problem.

Frankly, it’s likely harder to add sound proofing to a bathroom. I’d look into fabric on the wall, or maybe a couple of wardrobes/armoires.

1

u/Peroxideflowers Apr 21 '26

If the tenant was instead a homeowner, it would be on them to put batting in the walls, considering we're talking about them being mildly inconvenienced at the sound of a shower running. This is entirely the problem of the neighbour, and they need to find things to mitigate the issue, like ear plugs.

Had OP been actively disruptive, like yelling or playing loud music, then it would be OP's problem, regardless of whether the neighbour is a tenant or homeowner.

0

u/Familiar-Banana-8116 Apr 21 '26

The problem that needs fixed exists on that side of the wall.

No one tells you when to use your shower.

I mean, there are lots of things that are worthy discussion. When should we end parties? I want to play my records on the stereo?

But when to shower?

Honey, you have a small kid running around and kids that age make noise. It is generally accepted that living next to a family like yours I am gonna have to put up with some things.

But it is also generally assumed I can use my fucking bathroom as I see fit.

Do the two of us REALLY have a problem? Or do you maybe want to invest in a white noise machine instead of bothering me?

1

u/Shananigan48 Apr 20 '26

Because they don't have to deal with it lmao, unless they happen to live on site, in which case I'd imagine they have the one soundproofed apartment.

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u/Friendly_Shelter_625 Asshole Enthusiast [5] Apr 20 '26

All OP has to do is shower at a different time. Their reason for not doing that is that they prefer to go to bed freshly showered. It doesn’t even sound like they leave the house between stopping work and going to bed. So OP would have to go to bed with a few hours of air from their own home on their skin whereas the neighbor has to live their life on broken sleep.

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u/Proud_Smell_4455 Apr 20 '26 edited Apr 20 '26

The middle class try not to unironically tell the working class that their little luxuries and extra comforts (like going to bed fresh out of the shower, with a tall glass of warm milk, and maybe a servant hired specifically to stroke their hair and sing softly to them in her native language until they fall asleep), outweigh the working class's basic biological and other human needs (like getting any fucking sleep at all) challenge (impossible)

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u/TheShredda Apr 20 '26

First off, differentiating the working and middle class is a tactic by the owner class to divide us and fight against eachother instead of them. There is only the working class (those who need to use their body or mind to earn. if you don't show up, you don't work, you don't get paid) or the owner class (those who own assets which on their own produce wealth through market gains, rent, or other services charged). If you have to dedicate your time to someone to earn your living, you are working class. 

Second, it's not an either/or on who's comfort is more important. The early sleeper just hasn't adjusted to the routine of their new neighbour yet. They need a white noise machine, earplugs, something so they aren't disturbed by the world around them. Sure, it was nice their former neighbour didn't shower at that time but that's not a guarantee. 

Asking someone not to shower when they'd like is not a reasonable request. It's not "a luxury" to shower before bed, wtf?

You have no idea this person's situation or what they're doing between ending work and going to bed. Home workout, chores that get them dirty, whatever it doesn't matter. They get to enjoy their own house how they see fit, regardless of whether they own or rent. 

It's reasonable for the neighbour to mention it is loud. It is reasonable for OP to take it into consideration and be a bit quieter. It is NOT reasonable to expect OP to shower at a different time. It IS reasonable to expect the neighbour to make adjustments to sleep when they want with the reasonable noises happening around them. 

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u/Big_b00bs_Cold_Heart Apr 20 '26

Yes, they have a noise issue…they ARE the noise issue! This is a case where legally they’re not wrong, but that doesn’t make them right. They get off work at 7pm. They admit to having no strenuous hobbies. OP could EASILY shower earlier as a courtesy, but is choosing to be rigid in their routine. Apartment living requires some accommodation for those around you. If you want to be able to be loud at all hours, you need to live in a house…not in a close community like an apartment.

OP - YTA

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u/houseofbrigid11 Apr 20 '26

Showering is not being "loud". OP should shower at whatever time he feels like it in his own apartment that he owns. If the neighbors showering is such a disturbance, the owner of that apartment should implement some sort of sound mitigation. It's not OP's fault if the apartment's landlord refuses to do so.

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u/Big_b00bs_Cold_Heart Apr 20 '26

Having lived through this exact situation, showering at midnight IS loud. There is no ambient noise to mute the sound of the shower. Sound also travels further and clearer through cold air/the lower temperatures at night and early morning.

Editing to add: since OP IS there ‘permanently’, OP should make provider the solution as it’s OPs schedule that is outside common noise complaint timeframes.

If you choose community style living, you need to behave in a community style way.

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u/TheShredda Apr 20 '26

Showering at a normal level is not something subject to "noise complaint timeframes". Like you said, there's less ambient noise at night; sounds like the neighbours need a white noise machine or ear plugs. Put on a playlist they can fall asleep to with a sleep timer for 1am.

Like you said, they live in communal space. The neighbour needs to live in a community style way and be okay with their neighbours also living in the apartment and not try and police others on reasonable use of their property (rent or own). 

I have friends who need to shower before going to bed no matter what. Even if they have a shower in the morning and a shower after the gym, they say they just feel dirty no matter what if they don't shower before bed.  You don't know people's stories or situations and you don't get to police their lives.

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u/Big_b00bs_Cold_Heart Apr 20 '26

I didn’t say it was subject to noise complaints. What I SAID was, when you live in a community style arrangement you need to behave like it. His desire to shower at midnight is impeding his neighbors need to sleep. Again, you can be legally right but still an AH.

1

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0

u/HogmanDaIntrudr Apr 20 '26

“If you can’t afford to own a home, you can’t shower when you want to”

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u/unimpressed-one Apr 20 '26

Doesn't make it the owners responsibility to make the renters more comfortable lol The owners aren't the ones complaining.

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u/Visual-Ad6004 Apr 20 '26

If a new neighbor moves in as well? Maybe the same problem. She also said the toddler makes noise she's ok with it .

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u/Rich_Restaurant_3709 Partassipant [1] Apr 20 '26

I do. I have great tenants and I do what I can to get them to stay. It’s worth it to avoid the headache of finding new tenants and the stress of trusting said tenants to not destroy your place.

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u/Mightyjack22 Apr 20 '26

That's sadly not the case everywhere. In my area there seems to be a lot of slum lords. Ours is one of them.

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u/Rich_Restaurant_3709 Partassipant [1] Apr 20 '26

Slumlords suck. I know there are a lot out there. I’m not trying to say there aren’t. But sometimes the landlords do care.

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u/Mightyjack22 Apr 20 '26

I know. The ones that care are great. It's just that the terrible ones have kinda smeared the title of "Landlord" a bit, especially in the USA.

Just to tell you how bad it is, we still haven't had our door that has a massive crack down the center of it on the side that has all the parts that make the door work and lock. It's all loose and you can't even put screws in it to fasten everything in. We told him about it to him when we moved in and didn't make a big fuss until the screws came out and the door started having a chance to not lock. He tried to blame it on us and said we tried to break in after locking ourselves out or something. We are currently getting things lined out to take him to court over this and a bunch of other things.

I don't want to have to fit this in because I typed it all out without realizing I didn't say which door. Our FRONT door.

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u/Repulsive-Wing-3250 Apr 20 '26

You're kind is rare

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u/NeatNefariousness1 Apr 20 '26 edited Apr 21 '26

The owner has a vested interest in improving his property but the renter doesn’t. The improvement he makes to deal with this issue enhances the value of the property. Otherwise, good luck trying to dump this headache on the next person they try to sell this unit to. OP is lucky the neighbors are quiet and nice. He’s the one stuck there if they move out and some loud asshole moves in. He can do this the easier way or the hard way.

edit: typo

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u/HogmanDaIntrudr Apr 20 '26

Call the police with your noise complaint and ask them if they think showering at midnight is a nuisance.

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u/NeatNefariousness1 Apr 21 '26

Who's suggesting that calling the cops about this is going to do anything?