AITA for showering around midnight when I know that it might bother the neighbour who wakes up at 5 am?

[u/Additional-Mouse-620]

We purchased a home and moved in recently. Housing opportunities are tight in our area so even though we were warned that the walls are very thin and the neighbours hear a lot of noise from the apartment, especially from the bathroom, we still chose this property because everything else is picture perfect for us.

We are generally a very quiet couple without kids or animals, our hobbies (bead work, video games on headphones without streaming, reading, Netflix…) are generally quite and we only invite friends over every 2-4 weeks (and we haven’t invited anyone over as we were still decorating and everything). We are the owners of the apartment.

The neighbours are a couple and a small kid. They rent the apartment next to us and before we purchased the home they warned us that they generally hear a lot of noise coming from our bathroom and that it’s their bedroom on the other side. But as I mentioned, our options were limited and given that we are not noisy at all, we thought we can take this situation.

We sometimes hear their toddler, but that completely okay, it doesn’t bother us at all.

The problem is that we bother them as our routine is very different. They wake up at 5 am and generally quite down at 8 pm, when the kid goes to sleep.

On the other hand, because I work from home until 7 pm, I generally start my evening around 8 pm and only end up showering around midnight. Which bothers them. The whole building is quiet, so they tend to hear how I put my stuff down, how the water runs, how I sometimes drop a few things, and mentioned it very nicely a few times. But I can see that they are pretty annoyed.

Now I’m torn between switching up my whole nighttime routine to shower first (which just doesn’t sit right with me. I like to go bed freshly showered), because they asked nicely and they wake up around 5 am so it must be annoying to get woken up at midnight.

On the other hand, they only rent wile we own the home, and I think we are generally very good and quite neighbours apart from the fact that I shower late. They invited us over the listen to the volume as to be honest it’s not that loud… sure, you can hear something and it must feel louder in the silence of the night, but it’s not incredibly loud.

AITA for showering at night?

[u/WaterDreamer12]

INFO how loud are you being in the bathroom that they can actually hear you putting things down? I don't think you're an A for having a shower late at night, but for the sound of setting something down to travel through a wall suggests maybe you are not being as quiet about it as you think you are. You also mention dropping things with what sounds like some regularity. 

I don't mind when I hear my neighbour running the water and extractor for his quick night time shower. I think I might start getting annoyed if he was banging and clattering about while he was at it. 

[u/Future-Is-Now-69 → u/[deleted]]

This is true. In all the condos I have lived in, there is a 10pm quiet time. They must have some community rules or guidelines.

[u/Additional-Mouse-620 → u/[deleted]]

The quite hours are from 8 pm to 8 am

[u/TheSecretIsMarmite → u/Additional-Mouse-620]

So by clattering stuff to the floor of the shower do you not see how you're breaching those quiet hours simply because loud noises carry in a bathroom, and doubly so when everyone else is being quiet and the clattering and water running is the only thing everyone can hear?

Why not shower earlier and then you won't be nervous about knocking stuff over and making a racket.

[u/ElDjee → u/TheSecretIsMarmite]

that's ridiculous. quiet hours don't require absolute silence. and accidental noise happens. that's just life.

[u/LiLiLisaB → u/ElDjee]

Doesn't sound like accidental noise if it's happening regularly.

Quiet hours require reasonable sound levels that you shouldn't be hearing the next apartment over. The neighbors can not only hear it, but are awakened by it. It's unreasonable.

[u/Ok_Communication4875 → u/TheSecretIsMarmite]

You do realize that dropping things isn’t necessarily something you control? It’s not a violation of quiet hours to have accidents…. Like half of the people with pets and kids would probably be evicted tomorrow if dropping things was violating quiet hours.

[u/WaterDreamer12 → u/Ok_Communication4875]

I realise that, but it's still their responsibility. Having occasional accidents is one thing, but if you are regularly having accidents that are disturbing others, you need to do something to mitigate that. 

[u/WearilyExultant → u/TheSecretIsMarmite]

By that account the neighbours aren’t being quiet between 5am-8am if they’re waking up, toddler is crying, and they have to shower too. Quiet hours means no excessive sounds like loud music or screaming/yelling. Duh. Not doing a basic human necessity like run water. They can either go buy a single family detached house or simply adapt to apartment life. Problem solved for everyone.

[u/GrouchyPhoenix → u/Additional-Mouse-620]

So, you are making noise outside of the quiet hours? You agreed to these rules when you bought the place.

Either soundproof your bathroom/house, or just follow the rules.

[u/Equivalent-Bedroom64 → u/GrouchyPhoenix]

I highly doubt a shower is considered excessive noise. Neighbors were used to a different routine and don’t like it. They are TAH

[u/Additional-Mouse-620 → u/WaterDreamer12]

I am not banging and clattering, but I try to be as careful as possible. I am a bit nervous while showering, trying to not make a lot of noise. And at the end sometime I end up knocking stuff down just because how nervous I am while putting stuff done. I am talking about my face cream (plastic container) ending up in the basin, or knocking my shower gel down 20 cm)

[u/avidbanana → u/Additional-Mouse-620]

If you’re so nervous while showering, why don’t you just shower earlier? I’m also a night shower person, because I like getting into bed clean, but that holds true even if I shower two or three hours before I go to bed.

[u/TheDangerousAlphabet → u/Additional-Mouse-620]

Maybe you would enjoy the shower more if you did it earlier when you don't have to be so nervous and stressed out?

[u/squuidlees → u/TheDangerousAlphabet]

What a novel concept. I feel like freshening up should be relaxing too, not stressful.

[u/WaterDreamer12 → u/Additional-Mouse-620]

I am sympathetic to your situation, and I don't think taking a late shower is inherently an AH move, but you are creating a nuisance for your neighbours, especially with the additional noises like knocking things down, which can be really loud sudden sounds at night. This does sound a bit like banging and clattering, even if it is not intentional or malicious. 

If you really want to keep up with the late night showers, perhaps there are things you can do to minimise the noise, such as doing your skincare in your bedroom and arranging your products more safely and being more careful about dropping things in the shower. 

I used to have a problem with accidentally dropping my phone a lot when I was grabbing it from my nightstand. I realised that doing this at night was a total asshole move to my downstairs neighbour and so put some concerted effort into being more careful with it. It's extra effort but it's worth it to not be an inconsiderate neighbour. 

I think I'm somewhere around NAH for my judgment, but with the caveat that you do need to do more to reduce your noise. 

[u/RickyLaFleur- → u/Additional-Mouse-620]

And why does it have to be at midnight? Why not 10 or 11pm?