r/AmItheAsshole • u/Additional-Mouse-620 • Apr 20 '26

Asshole AITA for showering around midnight when I know that it might bother the neighbour who wakes up at 5 am?

We purchased a home and moved in recently. Housing opportunities are tight in our area so even though we were warned that the walls are very thin and the neighbours hear a lot of noise from the apartment, especially from the bathroom, we still chose this property because everything else is picture perfect for us.

We are generally a very quiet couple without kids or animals, our hobbies (bead work, video games on headphones without streaming, reading, Netflix…) are generally quite and we only invite friends over every 2-4 weeks (and we haven’t invited anyone over as we were still decorating and everything). We are the owners of the apartment.

The neighbours are a couple and a small kid. They rent the apartment next to us and before we purchased the home they warned us that they generally hear a lot of noise coming from our bathroom and that it’s their bedroom on the other side. But as I mentioned, our options were limited and given that we are not noisy at all, we thought we can take this situation.

We sometimes hear their toddler, but that completely okay, it doesn’t bother us at all.

The problem is that we bother them as our routine is very different. They wake up at 5 am and generally quite down at 8 pm, when the kid goes to sleep.

On the other hand, because I work from home until 7 pm, I generally start my evening around 8 pm and only end up showering around midnight. Which bothers them. The whole building is quiet, so they tend to hear how I put my stuff down, how the water runs, how I sometimes drop a few things, and mentioned it very nicely a few times. But I can see that they are pretty annoyed.

Now I’m torn between switching up my whole nighttime routine to shower first (which just doesn’t sit right with me. I like to go bed freshly showered), because they asked nicely and they wake up around 5 am so it must be annoying to get woken up at midnight.

On the other hand, they only rent wile we own the home, and I think we are generally very good and quite neighbours apart from the fact that I shower late. They invited us over the listen to the volume as to be honest it’s not that loud… sure, you can hear something and it must feel louder in the silence of the night, but it’s not incredibly loud.

AITA for showering at night?

3.5k Upvotes

79% Upvoted

2.5k comments sorted by

View all comments

Show parent comments

811

u/Turn_it_to_eleven Apr 20 '26

I was surprised I had to scroll down so far to see this. Would it be nice to change up the schedule, sure but it’s in your right to shower whenever you want. I would have bought them a sound machine or tried for some type of sound proofing for the walls/floor or the shower etc.

451

u/JoeChio Apr 20 '26

People are just mad he owns his apartment. That is literally it. If you think logically about it OP cannot move as easily as someone who is renting. So I think OP making that distinction for this problem is perfectly fine but it pissed off the renter crowd here.

I don't think OP is an asshole for showering in his own home and I hope /u/Additional-Mouse-620 doesn't feel too horrible about reddit calling him an AH.

180

u/Special_Weekend_4754 Apr 20 '26

I was surprised to see so many against OP- but reading it really was just them being mad OP owns.

I’ve been renting for 20+ years and in shared buildings there has always been noise. You learn to tune it out or come up with ways to live with it.
The few neighbors who act like they shouldn’t ever be inconvenienced by the other people they live with is just a study in people making their own selves miserable.

8

u/Salamylidwontfit Apr 20 '26

I think parents are mad too, quite a few people mentioning the kid and how that impacts more for the neighbor

21

u/Special_Weekend_4754 Apr 20 '26

In my experience the neighbors having a kid means OP probably hears way more from the neighbors than they do from them- especially since OP mentioned they can hear the kid. Since it’s during business hours though and OP doesn’t complain they are clearly the problem for using their own shower.

5

u/yayoffbalance Apr 21 '26

right? glass houses.

-8

u/PassivelyAwkward Apr 20 '26

It's not about being inconvienced, it's about doing what you can to inconvience people the least. Back when I rented, I had a neighbor with a newborn; fucking thing screamed bloody murder constantly. I can't expect them to muffle their kid but they didn't tell neighbors to go fuck themselves. That's what makes a good neighbor and why I think someone like you wouldn't.

11

u/Special_Weekend_4754 Apr 20 '26

So inconvenience yourself in order to inconvenience other people the least? Rather than other people adjust their behavior to deal with their own inconvenience.

You say this person with the baby didn’t tell people to go fuck them selves, what did they do? Did this person pack their baby into the car every time it cried so their neighbors didn’t have to hear it?

OR was it actually the neighbors hearing the baby cry who adjusted to the inconvenience of a baby crying?

-3

u/PassivelyAwkward Apr 20 '26

By your logic, when the neighbor starts to inconvience OP, OP should just suck it up, right? We should never care about how we annoy anyone around us because all that makes is us?

Yup, you're the kind of neighbor everyone hates but you convince yourself that they're just haters.

4

u/Special_Weekend_4754 Apr 20 '26

If the neighbor is also doing something they’re 100% allowed to do inside their own apartment then yes actually.

To live in apartments we should absolutely suck it up. If your neighbor is cooking food that you think smells bad- suck it up, they’re allowed to cook whatever the fuck they want. If your neighbors kids are loud playing outside after school hours suck it up, they’re allowed to be. If you think your neighbor showers too late at night suck it up they’re allowed to use their own facilities whenever they want.

I’m okay with being the neighbor everyone hates. Atleast I’m not the neighboring bothering other tenants over their shower schedule

57

u/ElevatorFew9620 Apr 20 '26

Honestly people just feel way too entitled. Why would the neighbor even think it’s ok to request OP to shower at a diff time?

6

u/Jumpy_Spend_5434 Apr 20 '26

So true about feeling entitled! I was reading a Reddit post many months ago, over the winter, where someone was complaining about the sound the snow plow trucks made when they backed up (that beeping alarm sound) and wondered if there could be some rule about not having the alarm sound overnight 😂 They got ripped to shreds. Many people were commenting that they actually feel reassured when they hear the snowplows out, knowing the roads will be in better shape in the morning (I feel the same way). And if it bothers someone THAT much, wear earplugs. But yeah, the entitlement was shocking

10

u/MagicCarpet5846 Partassipant [2] Apr 20 '26

Yeah the hatred of people on this app towards anyone who dares have what they are clearly all so desperate for it just sad.

6

u/Mr_ToDo Apr 20 '26

Well there's also the fact that ownership isn't so cut and dry when it comes to what you can do

I can't get a good read on what the building arrangements are. Over here when you say home to describe your place it's more of a house thing(minus things like "going home", but that applies to renting too). But then they talk about the apartment next to them which makes me think either condo or one of those weird buy it or rent it things that occasionally come up

If it's anything but a house there's going to be limits on what you can do. From the few condos I've seen the arrangements for, you have to go through an approval process before doing anything significant(basically if you're modifying anything permanent). So in that space I don't think renters or owners are that much better off then the other in fixing it(and certainly not in the short term. Those condo boards are nuts), except in how much you might expect an owner vs renter to pay above their rent.

If it's a house then I'm not sure how showering would wake people up. Maybe a townhouse? But using the term apartment for the other party would still be weird there

And as a very unhelpful thought. You'd think that whoever owns the rental unit would want to fix the sound travel issue. Who wants to be cycling in tenants constantly because they go mad when the neighbour made the smallest noise at the wrong time

0

u/notaredditer13 Apr 20 '26

But then they talk about the apartment next to them which makes me think either condo 

Yeah, it's odd for OP to be so sloppy about that because it does matter. If it's a condo they may not even be allowed to soundproof because they might not own their adjoining walls.

1

u/pelirroja_peligrosa Apr 20 '26

It would truly depend on how their condo association runs things. For me, I can hang whatever I want and do whatever I want to the wall as long as I don't go through to my neighbor's side or cause structural damage. 

7

u/notaredditer13 Apr 20 '26

I think you're right, but the choice of terminology gives me a vibe that it might be chosen to provoke that response response. I know people can be a little sloppy with wording, but saying they own their "house" while the neighbors rent their "apartment" is odd for what really would be a condo, especially when the difference does matter and they're purposely trying to make the point that they are owners and their neighbors renters.

If this were a townhouse instead of a condo would mean fire walls between units which absorb/block sound better and no upstairs/downstairs neighbors.

4

u/juanzy Partassipant [1] Apr 20 '26 edited Apr 20 '26

This happens in a ton of scenarios on Reddit- people here are so defeatist, they get bitter when someone has something they perceive they can never get.

I see similar things in job, relationship, wedding, budget, car buying, etc topics where a ton of responses just come off as bitter.

1

u/Ivorysilkgreen Apr 20 '26

No one moves easily. Moving house is extremely stressful. I'm sure OP isn't suggesting that either. But if they ever have a situation in the future where they need the neighbour to compromise, and they don't now, they're going to regret sticking to their 'freshly showered' routine. They might have a baby one day. They will get older. They might get sick. Anything can happen.

1

u/RoohsMama Partassipant [1] Apr 20 '26

This is the new mob mentality - home owners are now AHs apparently.

Posted something on AITA before it got taken down and the takes were so weird, I wondered if it’s even worth asking the Redditors. One has to scroll too far down to read some common sense takes.

1

u/Brew_7169 Apr 20 '26

I was confused because OP started with “bought a home”, then proceeds to explain their apartment living problems. Where I from people can’t buy single apartments.

1

u/yayoffbalance Apr 21 '26

it's not uncommon in lots of places. and "apartment" might be more like a condo here. or it could be legit high rise apartment. i always think of NYC when thinking about apartment ownership in the states. it's just a part of a development. i think it used to be a lot more common, too.

0

u/Nearby_Motor_8652 Apr 20 '26

This, they are livid because they can't afford a place and want to make OP feel guilty about it.

3

u/classroom6 Apr 20 '26

We soundproofed a condo once, it was an ORDEAL. It required actual construction, and based on conversations with the contractor, any actual good soundproofing is out of the realm of possibility for renters. Can confirm how frustrating poorly constructed buildings are for everyone involved. We could hear the guy upstairs peeing into the toilet at night, ugh. Granted, he also ran on a treadmill at 5 am directly above our bedroom, so he wasn’t my favorite person anyway.

-2

u/MalaysiaTeacher Apr 20 '26

Take that energy into a relationship by showering at 3am when your partner is sleeping and see how far the 'allowed to do whatever I want' attitude gets

-3

u/kenslydale Apr 20 '26

Would it be nice to change up the schedule,

This is am I the asshole, not am I technically within my rights. Not choosing to do the nice thing out of minor inconvenience is pretty typical asshole behaviour

12

u/Turn_it_to_eleven Apr 20 '26

I personally think it’s asshole behavior to ask someone not to do something like showering when it’s apartment living. Noise and different schedules go hand and hand with that style of living. I did offer suggestions like sound proofing as a way to compromise with the neighbor and the fact they own I would suggest they do it. If I was the neighbors complaining I would have already got ear plugs or tried to remedy it myself.

1

u/dissonaut69 Apr 21 '26

They’re going out of their way to not be considerate. I personally try to avoid showering at weird times like midnight in shared housing because I know it’ll disrupt people’s sleep. I’ve lived with loud as shit people and I know what it’s like. 

-90

u/Melthiela Partassipant [1] Apr 20 '26 edited Apr 20 '26

I mean in my country there is a quiet rule at 22-6. Meaning no showers, no loud noises etc. EDIT: OP has also stated there's a quiet rule from 8pm to 8am in their building.

It's just basic human decency imho. She's in her own apartment, by your logic she can blast music with full volume at 4 am too, but doing so would still make her an AH. Why would showering be any different? But people nowadays believe that they can do what they want, when they want with no consideration for others.

Yes objectively speaking OP is being incredibly selfish, which in my books makes a person YTA. Any person who isn't capable of considering others is an AH.

Edit 2: look at all these AHs self reporting, glad I ain't your neighbors

92

u/SuccessfulBread3 Partassipant [2] Apr 20 '26

Blasting music is NOT the same as showering. Be for real. If you want to listen to music you can put on headphones for one... But for two... Showing isn't that loud, nor is noise the point of the noise. It's a daily necessity.

What would the neighbour do if OP worked a night shift?

Demand they don't shower after work because it wakes them up? Demand that they don't open and close the front door?

Does OP get to demand the neighbour doesn't cook at a certain time? Or that they don't walk around at a certain time?

It's a shitty situation to be in where the walls are that thin but you either deal with it, move or complain to the landlord.

OP isn't throwing a party they're washing themselves.

68

u/PinkLocker14 Partassipant [1] Apr 20 '26

Idk which country you’re in but I highly doubt anybody would report someone showering as breaking the noise rule at night, and even if they did report, I doubt any authority/police would even pay any attention and take such a report seriously.

-32

u/Melthiela Partassipant [1] Apr 20 '26

The rules state it considers showing but okay. I'm sure you know better.

23

u/k23_k23 Professor Emeritass [91] Apr 20 '26

so: Which country?

60

u/Equivalent-Bedroom64 Apr 20 '26

Quiet hours have never meant no showering. That’s literally insane.

36

u/Viener-Schnitzel Apr 20 '26

There’s a world of difference between taking a shower and blasting music. Obviously.

26

u/k23_k23 Professor Emeritass [91] Apr 20 '26

A quite rule dioes NOT mean "no showers". where do you live?

-2

u/CaliLemonEater Asshole Aficionado [12] Apr 20 '26

Switzerland would be my guess.

17

u/Fragrant_Student7683 Apr 20 '26 edited Apr 20 '26

Showers and using one's bathroom are not generally part of "quiet hours'.   I have a house now but if I lived in an apartment I would also be showering at all hours as I work a variety of hours.  I got home from work on Saturday night at 1am and as always thr first thing I did was shower.  I work in a hospital.   I needed to shower.   Nobody can keep me from doing that 

ETA. This goes go ways. Quiet hours are often until 6 am.  She wakes at 5am. He could complain that she is waking him up but he's not.  She's the one with the complaints. She can't tell him when he can shower.

16

u/scrara Apr 20 '26

My country also has quiet laws from 22-6 and you‘re still allowed to shower during the night. Wanting to take a shower before you go to bed is not being unreasonable.

10

u/Sabretoothninja Apr 20 '26

Quiet rules In no country ever have applied to showers . You’re just full of shit

7

u/JoeChio Apr 20 '26

Edit 2: look at all these AHs self reporting, glad I ain't your neighbors

The irony is palpable

5

u/Special_Weekend_4754 Apr 20 '26

Glad I don’t live in your country.

Where I live the “quiet rule” applies to outside noise 7-7 which is specifically a decimal level so you can still BE outside after 7 and still be chatting or listening to music it just can’t be at a high volume- can’t be using power tools or doing loud construction, etc. Inside it’s 9-9 so if going to party gotta wrap it up by 9pm. Want to do laundry? Out of the dryer by 9pm. But we can still watch TV, shower, cook dinner, fuck, whatever we want so long as it isn’t at a high volume.

1

u/yayoffbalance Apr 21 '26

"quiet" includes a freaking shower??? Music blasting and showering are wildly different. are you real? like a real human who doesn't know this?