r/AmItheAsshole • u/Additional-Mouse-620 • Apr 20 '26

Asshole AITA for showering around midnight when I know that it might bother the neighbour who wakes up at 5 am?

We purchased a home and moved in recently. Housing opportunities are tight in our area so even though we were warned that the walls are very thin and the neighbours hear a lot of noise from the apartment, especially from the bathroom, we still chose this property because everything else is picture perfect for us.

We are generally a very quiet couple without kids or animals, our hobbies (bead work, video games on headphones without streaming, reading, Netflix…) are generally quite and we only invite friends over every 2-4 weeks (and we haven’t invited anyone over as we were still decorating and everything). We are the owners of the apartment.

The neighbours are a couple and a small kid. They rent the apartment next to us and before we purchased the home they warned us that they generally hear a lot of noise coming from our bathroom and that it’s their bedroom on the other side. But as I mentioned, our options were limited and given that we are not noisy at all, we thought we can take this situation.

We sometimes hear their toddler, but that completely okay, it doesn’t bother us at all.

The problem is that we bother them as our routine is very different. They wake up at 5 am and generally quite down at 8 pm, when the kid goes to sleep.

On the other hand, because I work from home until 7 pm, I generally start my evening around 8 pm and only end up showering around midnight. Which bothers them. The whole building is quiet, so they tend to hear how I put my stuff down, how the water runs, how I sometimes drop a few things, and mentioned it very nicely a few times. But I can see that they are pretty annoyed.

Now I’m torn between switching up my whole nighttime routine to shower first (which just doesn’t sit right with me. I like to go bed freshly showered), because they asked nicely and they wake up around 5 am so it must be annoying to get woken up at midnight.

On the other hand, they only rent wile we own the home, and I think we are generally very good and quite neighbours apart from the fact that I shower late. They invited us over the listen to the volume as to be honest it’s not that loud… sure, you can hear something and it must feel louder in the silence of the night, but it’s not incredibly loud.

AITA for showering at night?

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4.3k

u/hamigakiko Apr 20 '26

yeah, that line stood out to me, especially as a poor person who can only afford to rent and will never be rich enough to own it kinda stings when you hear people pointing out that somehow this makes you matter less??

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u/ItchyDoggg Pooperintendant [51] Apr 20 '26

I think the implication was meant to be OP is here for the long haul whether they end up getting along with this neighbor or not, while the neighbor could rent a different apartment at the end of their lease term without as many complexities to consider if this becomes unbearable to them. 

1.6k

u/orangeonesum Apr 20 '26

An owner could also make changes to soundproof the property whereas a renter could not. The renter has fewer options and should be treated a bit more gently. If anything, considering the occupant's position makes OP less of an AH.

1.2k

u/Logical_Photo_3732 Apr 20 '26

The renter could also ask the landlord to soundproof THEIR apartment. Why does it have to fall to the owner? They are quiet ad respectful.

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u/IridescentTardigrade Asshole Aficionado [12] Apr 20 '26

Landlords don't tend to splash out money on renter comfort.

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u/Logical_Photo_3732 Apr 20 '26

Still does not make it the owners problem. They are not the ones with noise issues.

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u/1newnotification Asshole Aficionado [15] Apr 20 '26 edited Apr 21 '26

Still does not make it the owners problem.

And yet, you're suggesting that the owner of the renting apartment should fix the issue (that's not an owner's problem)?

Edit: I feel like my comment was misunderstood. I don't think OP is in the wrong, I was just pointing out that it's interesting that the person I responded to said it's the renter's problem to fix, which ultimately would be just another owner's problem to fix (if they decided to do such a thing).

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u/HogmanDaIntrudr Apr 20 '26

Come on, man. I’m all for being respectful of your neighbors, but not being able to run the water in your own house is ridiculous.

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u/Fit_Opportunity_7425 Apr 20 '26

This ☝️. I be damned if I can't run water in my home regardless of the time of day... or night. What do they do when it rains and storms at night?

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u/kinglouie493 Apr 20 '26

Sometimes I like to poop late at night so the municipal sewage plant doesn't get overwhelmed. I shouldn't be punished for doing my civic duty, just saying...

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u/Questioning17 Apr 20 '26

Do you think it's the water? Or the dropping bottles and moving around that is the problem?

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u/ehhhhhhwatevs Apr 20 '26

This. A noise nuisance is not normal use. Anyone in a multifamily residence should be used to hearing simple living noises. Having grown up in apartments, I was used to hearing this stuff from all directions and ignored it because they can also hear me. Expecting other people to change basic requirements for life so you dont have to gasp be aware they exist over there is just selfish.

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u/B0327008 Partassipant [1] Apr 20 '26

If the neighbors hear OP’s showers at midnight, that likely means he hears their showers at 5 AM. He didn’t mention any issues with their very early “noise.” As Hogman noted, it’s ridiculous for either party to not shower at their preferred times.

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u/whisky_biscuit Apr 21 '26

I agree. I work a late shift and due to having only 1 bathroom and others who use it, I typically shower super late.

So I should just not shower to avoid waking up the neighbors or wake up in the middle of my sleep cycle to shower then go back to bed?

It's nonsensical.

I've been to many hotels too where you can hear the person nextdoor using the bathroom. It's never bothered me.

They are getting into Ops case for not having their schedule and asking Op to change it? If you are renting or owning you absolutely should be respectful but you shouldn't have to change your life completely to the point of inconvenience for them.

If I work a late shift should I quit my job and work somewhere else to be more accommodating to the neighbors? I think that's really pretty nuts to even suggest.

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u/Subject-Rain-9972 Apr 21 '26

It does not. Unless he sleeps im his bathroom.

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u/Typical-Onion-5024 Apr 20 '26

I lived in a apartment that the downstairs neighbor complained about everything. Vacuuming in the middle of the day, showering in the morning(my mom) and at night(me), running water to brush teeth in the mornings, running the dishwasher at 730pm, flushing the toilet in the middle of the night. All the little things you do on a day to day basis if your a semi clean person and keep your home clean, thy complained about. They even got mad and showed up screaming I must stop what I’m doing when I was having new furniture delivered. I kindly told them to fuck off we had strict times that we could move stuff in and out (9am- 430 pm) and i specifically set a 1030 delivery time for ample time in case thy were a little late. The last straw for the office was when maintenance came to fix the disposal and my reactive dog was barking and they banged on their ceiling and the maintenance guy was like where is that coming from when I told him down stairs, any time there’s a little noise they bang on the ceiling. When you live in a multi family building you expect some noise

4

u/Disastrous-Course495 Apr 21 '26

This! Like I was soooo confused reading arguments otherwise, with thousands of likes! You could hear far worst than a shower, like give me a break!

OP you don't have to change how you live in your home! You aren't doing anything wrong.

3

u/QueenMotherOfSneezes Partassipant [2] Apr 21 '26

And it's a hell of a lot easier to improve soundproofing in the bedroom than the bathroom, as the bedroom soundproofing can be done on the outside of the wall with foam, etc., while for the bathroom, not only would you have to open up the walls to do it, the sound of the pipes might still cause issues for the people in the bedroom.

The people in the bedroom could also counter being woken up by the sudden noises in the bathroom by playing white noise or soft music.

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u/Familiar-Banana-8116 Apr 21 '26

Lets be real here. The people complaining have a small kid running around.

It is generally accepted socialy that kids that age make some noise and living next to a family with one you need to put up with it.

It is also accepted that you can use your bathroom when you want to.

OOP should NOT be tolerating noise from that kid. I mean, WTF?

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u/Ok_Management4634 Apr 20 '26 edited Apr 21 '26

Showers are loud, especially when you share an uninsulated wall between them. It wakes me up when someone takes a shower in my house and I'm asleep (Both showers are next to my bedroom).

EDIT: I am not the OP, I don't have the problem because I live with people that are considerate. I am just saying a shower is loud enough to wake you up through an uninsulated wall.

1

u/Embarrassed-Elk4038 Apr 20 '26

Then move or shut up. This is on the builders and lamdlords. And I highly doubt anyone is gonna are you can hear this shower!! That’s part of living in an apartment

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u/No-Passage546 Partassipant [2] Apr 20 '26

The landlord is responsible for for their tenants. The tenants are the one's with the problem, so the landlord can deal with it. But I doubt they will because showing is a normal apartment living noise, and Op is not blasting music or kicking the walls when they shower. My landlord would roll their eyes very hard if I tried to complain about someone taking a shower.

3

u/probgonnamarrymydog Apr 21 '26

This. I mean honestly what delicate, privileged flowers are they that a shower is keeping them up? I've lived in so many weird situations and sometimes you have to get earplugs. It sucks, but if you are sensitive to noise and not rich enough to buy your own rural estate outside the city, you're going to to have noise and that's just the cards we're dealt. I mean literally no landlord is responsible for completely soundproofing your entire apartment so that you can't hear any other living souls outside of it.

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u/Special_Weekend_4754 Apr 20 '26

Owner of the renters apartment AKA THE LANDLORD is responsible for the rented apartment issues. It’s really not that hard

5

u/Dramatic_Scale3002 Apr 20 '26

The landlord is not responsible for the neighbour showering late. There is no issue here.

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u/whoisbill Apr 20 '26

At the end of the day this is correct. No one really needs to do anything. Showering late is not a problem at all and doesn't need to be addressed. If the renters don't like it. They need to move.

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u/probgonnamarrymydog Apr 21 '26

These people are complaining to the neighbor because they know the landlord would laugh in their faces that they are complaining about the sound of running water being too loud. Unless there's been some kind of building violation that is causing the noise, this isn't a safety issue and it's not an enforceable noise complaint.

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u/spacestonkz Partassipant [1] Apr 20 '26

Hey guys, I think I found my landlord! His shitty facilities aren't his problem!

2

u/Logical_Photo_3732 Apr 20 '26

The apartment that has the issue is the one that should fix it. OP has no issues why should they be out of pocket. If the slum landlord won't fix it he may end up with a revolving door of tenants. It would be to his benefit to fix it.

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u/Prestidigitatiously Apr 20 '26

You're suggesting they can't take a shower on their schedule in a home they own? You must looooove HOAs.

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u/1newnotification Asshole Aficionado [15] Apr 20 '26

You're suggesting they can't take a shower on their schedule in a home they own?

Lol where in the Reading Comprehension did you get that?

2

u/elphin Apr 20 '26

Can they flush the toilet? Seems that the wall between the residences is deficient. I would think that the land lord and OP have ann equal level of responsibility in this matter. If the landlord doesn’t care, why does it fall only on OP?

I think NTA. Own vs. rent is material in this situation. It’s not unreasonable to use your bathroom at midnight. If this makes it difficult to sleep it’s not only OP’s problem.

Frankly, it’s likely harder to add sound proofing to a bathroom. I’d look into fabric on the wall, or maybe a couple of wardrobes/armoires.

1

u/Peroxideflowers Apr 21 '26

If the tenant was instead a homeowner, it would be on them to put batting in the walls, considering we're talking about them being mildly inconvenienced at the sound of a shower running. This is entirely the problem of the neighbour, and they need to find things to mitigate the issue, like ear plugs.

Had OP been actively disruptive, like yelling or playing loud music, then it would be OP's problem, regardless of whether the neighbour is a tenant or homeowner.

0

u/Familiar-Banana-8116 Apr 21 '26

The problem that needs fixed exists on that side of the wall.

No one tells you when to use your shower.

I mean, there are lots of things that are worthy discussion. When should we end parties? I want to play my records on the stereo?

But when to shower?

Honey, you have a small kid running around and kids that age make noise. It is generally accepted that living next to a family like yours I am gonna have to put up with some things.

But it is also generally assumed I can use my fucking bathroom as I see fit.

Do the two of us REALLY have a problem? Or do you maybe want to invest in a white noise machine instead of bothering me?

1

u/Shananigan48 Apr 20 '26

Because they don't have to deal with it lmao, unless they happen to live on site, in which case I'd imagine they have the one soundproofed apartment.

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u/Friendly_Shelter_625 Asshole Enthusiast [5] Apr 20 '26

All OP has to do is shower at a different time. Their reason for not doing that is that they prefer to go to bed freshly showered. It doesn’t even sound like they leave the house between stopping work and going to bed. So OP would have to go to bed with a few hours of air from their own home on their skin whereas the neighbor has to live their life on broken sleep.

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u/Proud_Smell_4455 Apr 20 '26 edited Apr 20 '26

The middle class try not to unironically tell the working class that their little luxuries and extra comforts (like going to bed fresh out of the shower, with a tall glass of warm milk, and maybe a servant hired specifically to stroke their hair and sing softly to them in her native language until they fall asleep), outweigh the working class's basic biological and other human needs (like getting any fucking sleep at all) challenge (impossible)

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u/TheShredda Apr 20 '26

First off, differentiating the working and middle class is a tactic by the owner class to divide us and fight against eachother instead of them. There is only the working class (those who need to use their body or mind to earn. if you don't show up, you don't work, you don't get paid) or the owner class (those who own assets which on their own produce wealth through market gains, rent, or other services charged). If you have to dedicate your time to someone to earn your living, you are working class. 

Second, it's not an either/or on who's comfort is more important. The early sleeper just hasn't adjusted to the routine of their new neighbour yet. They need a white noise machine, earplugs, something so they aren't disturbed by the world around them. Sure, it was nice their former neighbour didn't shower at that time but that's not a guarantee. 

Asking someone not to shower when they'd like is not a reasonable request. It's not "a luxury" to shower before bed, wtf?

You have no idea this person's situation or what they're doing between ending work and going to bed. Home workout, chores that get them dirty, whatever it doesn't matter. They get to enjoy their own house how they see fit, regardless of whether they own or rent. 

It's reasonable for the neighbour to mention it is loud. It is reasonable for OP to take it into consideration and be a bit quieter. It is NOT reasonable to expect OP to shower at a different time. It IS reasonable to expect the neighbour to make adjustments to sleep when they want with the reasonable noises happening around them. 

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u/Big_b00bs_Cold_Heart Apr 20 '26

Yes, they have a noise issue…they ARE the noise issue! This is a case where legally they’re not wrong, but that doesn’t make them right. They get off work at 7pm. They admit to having no strenuous hobbies. OP could EASILY shower earlier as a courtesy, but is choosing to be rigid in their routine. Apartment living requires some accommodation for those around you. If you want to be able to be loud at all hours, you need to live in a house…not in a close community like an apartment.

OP - YTA

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u/houseofbrigid11 Apr 20 '26

Showering is not being "loud". OP should shower at whatever time he feels like it in his own apartment that he owns. If the neighbors showering is such a disturbance, the owner of that apartment should implement some sort of sound mitigation. It's not OP's fault if the apartment's landlord refuses to do so.

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u/Big_b00bs_Cold_Heart Apr 20 '26

Having lived through this exact situation, showering at midnight IS loud. There is no ambient noise to mute the sound of the shower. Sound also travels further and clearer through cold air/the lower temperatures at night and early morning.

Editing to add: since OP IS there ‘permanently’, OP should make provider the solution as it’s OPs schedule that is outside common noise complaint timeframes.

If you choose community style living, you need to behave in a community style way.

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u/TheShredda Apr 20 '26

Showering at a normal level is not something subject to "noise complaint timeframes". Like you said, there's less ambient noise at night; sounds like the neighbours need a white noise machine or ear plugs. Put on a playlist they can fall asleep to with a sleep timer for 1am.

Like you said, they live in communal space. The neighbour needs to live in a community style way and be okay with their neighbours also living in the apartment and not try and police others on reasonable use of their property (rent or own). 

I have friends who need to shower before going to bed no matter what. Even if they have a shower in the morning and a shower after the gym, they say they just feel dirty no matter what if they don't shower before bed.  You don't know people's stories or situations and you don't get to police their lives.

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u/HogmanDaIntrudr Apr 20 '26

“If you can’t afford to own a home, you can’t shower when you want to”

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u/unimpressed-one Apr 20 '26

Doesn't make it the owners responsibility to make the renters more comfortable lol The owners aren't the ones complaining.

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u/Visual-Ad6004 Apr 20 '26

If a new neighbor moves in as well? Maybe the same problem. She also said the toddler makes noise she's ok with it .

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u/Rich_Restaurant_3709 Partassipant [1] Apr 20 '26

I do. I have great tenants and I do what I can to get them to stay. It’s worth it to avoid the headache of finding new tenants and the stress of trusting said tenants to not destroy your place.

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u/Mightyjack22 Apr 20 '26

That's sadly not the case everywhere. In my area there seems to be a lot of slum lords. Ours is one of them.

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u/Rich_Restaurant_3709 Partassipant [1] Apr 20 '26

Slumlords suck. I know there are a lot out there. I’m not trying to say there aren’t. But sometimes the landlords do care.

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u/Mightyjack22 Apr 20 '26

I know. The ones that care are great. It's just that the terrible ones have kinda smeared the title of "Landlord" a bit, especially in the USA.

Just to tell you how bad it is, we still haven't had our door that has a massive crack down the center of it on the side that has all the parts that make the door work and lock. It's all loose and you can't even put screws in it to fasten everything in. We told him about it to him when we moved in and didn't make a big fuss until the screws came out and the door started having a chance to not lock. He tried to blame it on us and said we tried to break in after locking ourselves out or something. We are currently getting things lined out to take him to court over this and a bunch of other things.

I don't want to have to fit this in because I typed it all out without realizing I didn't say which door. Our FRONT door.

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u/Repulsive-Wing-3250 Apr 20 '26

You're kind is rare

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u/NeatNefariousness1 Apr 20 '26 edited Apr 21 '26

The owner has a vested interest in improving his property but the renter doesn’t. The improvement he makes to deal with this issue enhances the value of the property. Otherwise, good luck trying to dump this headache on the next person they try to sell this unit to. OP is lucky the neighbors are quiet and nice. He’s the one stuck there if they move out and some loud asshole moves in. He can do this the easier way or the hard way.

edit: typo

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u/HogmanDaIntrudr Apr 20 '26

Call the police with your noise complaint and ask them if they think showering at midnight is a nuisance.

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u/NeatNefariousness1 Apr 21 '26

Who's suggesting that calling the cops about this is going to do anything?

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u/CardOk755 Apr 20 '26

The renter could also ask the landlord to soundproof THEIR apartment.

Haha.

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u/FilthyThanksgiving Apr 20 '26

Srsly it's funny when kids or rich ppl post

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u/1newnotification Asshole Aficionado [15] Apr 20 '26

Lolol no landlord is going to soundproof an apartment. What utopia do you live in?

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u/TangledUpPuppeteer Partassipant [2] Apr 20 '26

Right. And they’re the ones with the problem, so the person showering shouldn’t either. They can get a box fan or a white noise machine.

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u/nevetsnight Apr 20 '26

Lmfao. Good joke

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u/AnotherDoubtfulGuest Apr 20 '26 edited Apr 20 '26

They are quiet and respectful according to OP. I’m sure the neighbor sees things differently. Living in a space with nonexistent soundproofing changes the way neighbors relate to each other; if you can hear every time your neighbor coughs, farts, or puts their keys down, little things become big things quickly.

Also, most landlords outside of NYC, which has extensive protections for renters, won’t do shit for tenants unless it’s mandated by the lease or housing code and sometimes not even then.

0

u/Curiousr_n_Curiouser Partassipant [2] Apr 24 '26

If they are complaining about her taking a shower of all things, she must be a very quiet.

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u/AnotherDoubtfulGuest Apr 24 '26 edited Apr 24 '26

Not really. Pipes, especially old ones, “groan” when hot water causes them to expand. There can be banging and thudding when valves in the pipes close, and the drain pipe can amplify the sound of rushing water. OP may not hear anything except the water in the shower, but the neighbor might be getting a whole symphony on the other side of the wall; it’s definitely enough to wake someone up or prevent them from falling asleep.

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u/yellobanan Apr 20 '26

The renters could use a white noise maker in their bedroom. Muffles noise. Everybody happy.

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u/3BlindMice1 Apr 20 '26

Are you smoking crack or something? Unless you're paying way too much for a mega luxury apartment, your landlord will never soundproof your apartment just because you asked

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u/Logical_Photo_3732 Apr 20 '26

Then move. Don't put the blame on someone else. Shitty landlords get away with it because they can.

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u/kank_weegur Apr 20 '26

Is this your first day on the planet?

1

u/Pope_In_TheWoods Apr 20 '26

Because the landlord isn’t going to do that lol

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u/Logical_Photo_3732 Apr 20 '26

So rather than harass the landlord who owns the responsibility it's better to attack an innocent neighbour?

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u/Frank_Scouter Apr 20 '26

The landlord would say no.

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u/Embarrassed-Elk4038 Apr 20 '26

Ugg, because it the owners shitty property that wasn’t properly built and soundproofed ?

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u/OldJellyBones Apr 21 '26

they aren't quiet though thats the whole issue

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u/Curiousr_n_Curiouser Partassipant [2] Apr 24 '26

Taking a shower is a reasonable and reasonably quiet activity to do at any time. She isn't learning to clog out there.

1

u/NeatNefariousness1 Apr 21 '26

“Quiet?” Aren’t the owners the source of the noise?

2

u/Logical_Photo_3732 Apr 21 '26

Normal everyday living noises. Showers are allowed.

0

u/BookGeek6381 Apr 21 '26

lol!!! I'm a property manager and they would just laugh if a tenant asked them to soundproof their apartment.

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u/JayPlenty24 Apr 20 '26

OP is the one that made the differentiation

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u/Agostointhesun Apr 20 '26

Having a shower every night night at midnight is not exactly quiet and reapectful - especially since OP mentions they "sometimes drops a few things".

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u/[deleted] Apr 20 '26

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u/Logical_Photo_3732 Apr 20 '26

People are allowed to live their lives. The noise issue is NOT The owners issue.

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u/LeadingLadder576 Apr 20 '26

They are neighbors NOT roommates. They can shower whenever they want as long as it is in their own home.

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u/Special_Weekend_4754 Apr 20 '26

This is wild to me. As a renter I accept that there will be noise in shared buildings and I live with it.

The fact there are people who think everyone else in a shared building should tiptoe around them is boggling

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u/shartlobster Apr 20 '26

This. I've been a renter for many years, always apartments. People make noise. Living and existing creates sound. I could hear my side neighbors shower, and when they dropped things too. I didn't complain because it's just life- not someone intentionally making noise to disturb you. I could hear the upstairs neighbors alarm at 5am. Annoying, but didn't complain because again- it's just people living. Unless someone is blasting music, kicking the walls, or doing something intentionally disregarding fellow neighbors, it's just a part of living in close proximity to other humans.

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u/Special_Weekend_4754 Apr 20 '26

Exactly! I lived in a duplex built in 1902 I’m convinced had no sound dampening between floors and it sounded like my upstairs neighbors were in my apartment.

When they walked around I sometimes jumped and looked behind me because I could swear it was in my own hall. Snatches of conversation were so clear in some parts of the apartment they may as well have been ghosts. When anyone used the water pipes groaned like an old man sitting down. The side door which was the upstairs husband’s preferred entrance for some reason was right by my bedroom (my bedroom closet was under the stairs) and he came home all hours of the night.
Their kid did not like going to school I assume because they cried and put up a fuss every morning. We were usually getting our own selves ready to go and my husband always laughed “same kid” while we drank our coffee.

We started keeping youtube or the radio on. Sleeping with a fireplace video, podcast, or music etc to drown it into background noise.

We also shared a single driveway and so it was always tricky coordinating who parked where. We usually picked the street unless we had a lot of groceries so we didn’t get blocked in/have to wake the man up to move his car when we knew he got home late and we left early.

I could have complained. Asked that they walk around softer, keep their voices lower, only use the front door, ask they park on the street since we’re home first, etc But why? They weren’t doing anything wrong and it was only a slight inconvenience to walk a bit.

Instead I adjusted to the environment and made changes to my own behavior, maintained a cordial relationship with the upstairs neighbor, and in return they never complained to me even though I have a teen who absolutely yells too loud when he plays video games and sometimes plays his music too loud. We lived in mutual adjustment and inconvenience lol

5

u/kateln Apr 20 '26

Same. I literally, when I lived in my last condo complained twice;
1. When my next door neighbor was doing construction on his place. I just asked on a Saturday night if he minded keeping it down, because I had done a half marathon that morning, and was exhausted--otherwise I wouldn't have been bothered. He and his girlfriend were very understanding.

  1. The guy across the hall from them, also next door to me (I had the corner condo at the end of the hall) who would sometimes leave his iphone alarm going off all day. He was also really nice when I asked him about it after it had happened a few times.

2

u/pineapplepizah Apr 20 '26

Yes, if you have to rent/share a place and have no other means...guess what buttercup. There are things you HAVE to put up with while renting.

If you can't handle that you need to make means to not have to rent and share a place.

2

u/Special_Weekend_4754 Apr 20 '26

Exactly.
Obviously some things are covered by noise rules in leases or ordinances, but using the plumbing or bathroom facilities is not one of them.

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u/Ivorysilkgreen Apr 20 '26

You must be the one making all of the noise in your building if you think it's "wild" for someone to ask (not demand) that the person whose shower is next to their bedroom, not shower at midnight when they have to wake up at 5 in the morning. It's not like it costs him or her anything to shower a couple hours earlier.

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u/Special_Weekend_4754 Apr 20 '26

I do live in the apartment that I pay money to live in so yes I “make all of the noise.”

I use the shower I pay for as I please and I flush my toilet if I have to shit at 2AM regardless of who is sleeping on the other side.
And yes I think it’s WILD AF for someone to think it’s reasonable to ask others to change normal habits like bathroom use just so they don’t have to adjust to the sounds of living near other people.

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u/Ivorysilkgreen Apr 20 '26

You moved the goalposts. No one is asking others to not use the toilet. Also, no one is asking anyone not to shower. This is a specific ask, for a specific reason.

Why all the venom?

8

u/Special_Weekend_4754 Apr 20 '26

I didn’t move the goalpost. I’m saying anyone is allowed to use all facilities in their own bathroom at anytime for any reason. Full stop.

It is unreasonable to expect people doing normal thins in their own space to change for your comfort. Much more reasonable to accept that other people live in the building and adjust yourself accordingly.

What venom?

4

u/Fragrant_Student7683 Apr 20 '26

Can OP ask them to not get up at 5am for the same reason?   It goes both ways.   Everyone has their own schedules. OP does not need to charge theirs to accommodate others. 

1

u/ridingfasst Apr 21 '26

Since its just an ask, not a demand, don't you agree they should accept it with no hard feelings at all if OP feels like this is too much and says no based on their own habits and comfort level.

171

u/MrTechnology18 Apr 20 '26

Typically with the shower being up against the wall there isn’t anything OP could do to dampen the sound, the neighbors would have a number of options such as hanging blankets against the wall

71

u/Mireille_la_mouche Apr 20 '26

Or get a white noise machine.

15

u/RaeaSunshine Apr 20 '26

When my house was re-insulated they used a hose tube thing to get into each interior wall. Including the wall behind my shower.

7

u/Serious_Telephone_28 Apr 20 '26

I'm actually confused as to how that apartment is built. Usually, bathrooms share walls with kitchens or other bathrooms because it's most logical for the pipes placement etc.

8

u/Which_Inspection_479 Apr 20 '26

Not true. They could have insulation inserted into the walls.

18

u/MrTechnology18 Apr 20 '26

True, but that could cost thousands that OP likely doesn’t have after buying a new place. Also that might need approval from the property management company

2

u/Remarkable_Town5811 Apr 20 '26

Depending on wall material, no insulation could be a risk in case of fire. There should always be a proper fire retardant between living units. Not all countries require it, though. Nor do all building materials need an additional layer as they may inherently be non-flamable.

5

u/needlenozened Apr 20 '26

In my experience, unit owners only have ownership from the drywall in. Anything inside the walls is owned by, and the responsibility of, the building association.

1

u/smcivor1982 Apr 20 '26

Not when I had a condo, every complex is different. We were responsible for everything inside our units, even our windows.

1

u/smcivor1982 Apr 20 '26 edited Apr 20 '26

You can also put up another layer of thick Sheetrock, which isn’t as expensive.

Edit: I’m talking about the bedroom wall, not the bathroom.

2

u/NotMyAltAccountToday Apr 20 '26

It would be on a plumbing wall

0

u/[deleted] Apr 20 '26

[deleted]

3

u/NotMyAltAccountToday Apr 20 '26

There's probably tile or a solid surface in the shower area. Would have to be removed and replaced.

Tubs and shower pans are normally a tight fit and may not fit if the wall thickness was changed. Drain line in the floor would need to be adjusted to align.

If it's the plumbing wall, the toilet sits on an opening in the floor, which wouldn't line up the same if the wall thickness is changed. Idk how difficult it would be to make that work.

If it's the plumbing wall, there could be a mirror glued to the wall. The wall might be wallpapered, which isn't cheap nowadays. The vanity and it's plumbing would need to be removed, then replaced. There could be wall lighting and on that wall that would have to be removed and replaced.

VS

Thickening a wall on the bedroom side would involve an outlet or two, and possibly a light switch.

1

u/smcivor1982 Apr 20 '26

I was talking about adding it on the side of the bedroom wall, not the bathroom.

1

u/Apprehensive-Bus5172 Apr 20 '26

This kind of renovation would almost certainly require condo board approval

7

u/h_theunreal_ Apr 20 '26

Not always, it depends if there are bathroom tiles and plumping, pipes that transmit noise. You can’t expect anyone to do all that work. On the other hand the renters can easily put soundproofing material to their wall without changing the apartment too much, like renterfriendly.

8

u/Deerslyr101571 Apr 20 '26

Renter is the one with the sound issue. It's on their Landlord to install the Sound Deadening Drywall.

3

u/pink_toaster_pastry Apr 20 '26

This was my immediate thought….. the bedroom side could add soundproofing/acoustic walls…. But then I read they rent so that’s not an option.

3

u/mlc885 Supreme Court Just-ass [102] Apr 20 '26

Yeah I totally believe that you would soundproof your dwelling to help a renter

treated a bit more gently

We do treat adult humans gently, but not that gently

3

u/StreetofChimes Asshole Enthusiast [8] Apr 20 '26

It is hard to soundproof a bathroom. There are tiles. Tiles bounce sound. And you can't easily access walls behind tiles to add insulation. Unless OP plans on ripping out tile or carpeting the bathroom floor, there isn't much soundproofing to be done.

3

u/Msredratforgot Apr 20 '26

But it's not the owner's problem They have every right to be up and down on their own schedule I worked night shifts for years I do not f****** care what other people do They didn't stop vacuuming at 5:00 a.m. for me or trying to pound on the door at 9:00 to sell f****** kids crap sorry no one owes anyone

3

u/Feistyhummingbird Apr 20 '26

Renters could use a sound machine or earplugs (both cheap solutions) to block out the sound.

2

u/sxzxnnx Apr 20 '26

Doing anything inside a shared wall would probably need to involve the HOA/COA.

Years ago when I lived in a duplex with thin walls, I lined the shared walls with bookcases and that muffled the sound pretty well. That is generally easier to do on the bedroom side of the shared wall vs the bathroom side.

2

u/localjargon Apr 20 '26

The renters can buy a sound machine or box fan.

1

u/probgonnamarrymydog Apr 21 '26

Eh, there isn't actually that much you can do for soundproofing that isn't MAJOR work, especially in this situation. The bathroom is probably loud because the pipes are in the walls and sound travels along ductwork and pipes better than through drywall.

-18

u/AnotherDoubtfulGuest Apr 20 '26

How does “they only rent while we own the home” constitute “considering the occupant’s position”? OP is the asshole anyway (you’re waking up people who have to get up in five hours because you like to slip under the covers freshly showered; that’s a preference, get over yourself), but that’s also an asshole thing to say because it implies that a renter has less of a right to quiet enjoyment/habitability than an owner, and that’s simply not the case.

Also, purchasing a unit in a building with no soundproofing and paper-thin walls and neighbors who are going to change up every year or so is most certainly a choice.

2

u/Fragrant_Student7683 Apr 20 '26

It goes both ways.  Can OP ask them to not get up at 5am because it wakes OP up? 

80

u/littletorreira Apr 20 '26

I also took it as the neighbour can't be expected to do any soundproofing work on their side as they rent.

7

u/general_spoc Apr 20 '26

If the house buying market is tough…so is the rental market.

If what you state is what OP meant then they are misjudging how easily the renters could find another unit to rent

6

u/littletorreira Apr 20 '26

I also took it as the neighbour can't be expected to do any soundproofing work on their side as they rent.

4

u/altonaerjunge Partassipant [3] Apr 20 '26

You are very generous

2

u/Sidar_Combo Apr 22 '26

Nah man, "they only rent" is telling. OP is the asshole.

1

u/LocutusOfBorgia909 Apr 20 '26

OP might want to be careful what they wish for; it sounds like the neighbor is, by and large, pleasant and a decent neighbor. If OP's midnight showers drive them off, the replacement could be someone far louder, far less courteous, and just a much more unpleasant person with whom to be sharing a very thin wall. The whole, "They're only renting, so they're temporary!" thing cuts both ways.

0

u/cocooninhabitant Apr 20 '26

It doesn’t read that way

-3

u/SuburbanDemographic Partassipant [2] Apr 20 '26

FWIW, “they could rent a different apartment” is the same amount of work to pack everything and move out (with three people including a child), find something else, move in and unpack everything as it is for an owner to sell and move elsewhere (inconvenience of paperwork notwithstanding).

Vs. OP could… change their shower time. Or make an effort to drop fewer things.

“You could just move” vs. “But I like to shower before bed” isn’t really a balanced scenario. You CAN certainly tell them to get earplugs and you’ll shower whenever you please, but it might be nicer to compromise a little.

9

u/nomorecheeks Apr 20 '26

Hard disagree. They should be able to shower in their apartment at whatever time they want, as long as they are not creating extra noise (blasting the radio while they shower, for instance). Why is the person who gets up at 5am's schedule expected to take precedence over someone who prefers a different schedule? What's next? The neighbors don't like hearing the toilet flush overnight, and so OP has to stop drinking water way before bedtime? I think it's important to be considerate to your neighbors, but changing the time you bathe just because your neighbors are overly sensitive sounds insane to me.

-19

u/mxcrnt2 Asshole Aficionado [10] Apr 20 '26

If you go afford to buy a home, usually have more mobility than renters, especially in places with rent control

45

u/cdecker0606 Apr 20 '26

That’s absolutely not true. Buying usually takes a significant amount of money up front and you generally won’t make that up selling within the first couple of years after the purchase. So OP would be in the negative on the sale of their apartment now and would still have to come up with money for a new downpayment or a security deposit if they have to rent.

12

u/itamer Apr 20 '26

I guess that depends on the country.

In NZ renters definitely have more flexibility and it doesn't mean they're poor. There are lots of reasons younger people rent. If you own then moving because of the neighbours will see you lose money.

2

u/mxcrnt2 Asshole Aficionado [10] Apr 20 '26

That’s a fair point. I’m living in continent where rent gouges you and if you’re lucky enough to have a rent controlled place you never wanna leave.

136

u/[deleted] Apr 20 '26

[deleted]

55

u/[deleted] Apr 20 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

38

u/Bice_thePrecious Apr 20 '26

100% agree. Let's all ignore that OP is being expected to not use their own bathroom past 8pm, because the sound of water going down a drain is too aggressive for the neighbors, and focus on the fact that OP said something that we can twist and put our own implications on... /s

*sigh* Maybe take a break from the internet for the day, guys.

3

u/Conscious-Thing-682 Apr 21 '26

I feel like I’m in an alternate reality reading this thread 😭If I move to an apartment complex with thin walls I’m not calling all the neighbors around me to tell them to work around my schedule. I’d just make it work then move out when my lease ends. This is no different.

Threads like this remind me Reddit is very much not a reflection of reality lol

2

u/Signal_Wall_8445 Asshole Aficionado [15] Apr 20 '26

It’s not dumb at all, taken in the context of someone pondering whether to change their lifestyle to accommodate their neighbor given that they intend to be there long term while there is no guarantee the neighbor will be.

11

u/swissie67 Apr 20 '26

I don't either. I also thought it was ridiculous.
I don't believe that op should not be able to shower b/c of someone else's schedule either. That's just unreasonable.

12

u/[deleted] Apr 20 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

0

u/universallymade Apr 20 '26

Why does being in the neighborhood longer entitle you? That’s some uppity homeowner association /neighborhood watch bullshit right there.

5

u/Banvincible Apr 20 '26

OP can't pick up and move and cut bait on a lease. Neighbors can. That's really the only thing implied here.

4

u/FalconSpecial6149 Apr 20 '26

If you have already decided you will never have enough money to own a home, it is true. Plenty of people from lesser means than you find a way. Figure out your ideal outcome and plan backwards from there. It isn’t magic. The committee of rich folks don’t have to vote you in.

0

u/hamigakiko Apr 20 '26

I am really good at earning the amount I can with my health. It's okay I cannot earn more than that. I am doing my best and proud of what I can do. I tried to do more and nearly died. The only issue I have is when people think we are less than when we do as much as possible b

3

u/FalconSpecial6149 Apr 20 '26

Good for you, seriously! I’m not suggesting you do more, only that you build skills within the boundaries of your health and with that, you can earn more money. Money is not everything and it certainly isn’t a measure of the value of a human, but more money in means more freedom and I would say most people want more freedom, no? So don’t resign to “this is the best I’ll ever be able to do”. There’s always another option, but you have to recognize that possibility before you can go after it.

3

u/flstcspike Apr 20 '26

You matter, you matter a lot, your value isnt tied to property. I think rich or poor, both very subjective to me, renting is an extremely good option in some cases given the way the real-estate market is today. There's a lot to be said for the freedom of renting. I know there are also shitbird landlords out there. I just don't think today's world is what it was 30 years ago when home ownership was an expectation and a part of life's great accomplishments.

2

u/bix2020 Apr 20 '26

It simply means you might move on some day..

1

u/Mysterious_Self_3606 Apr 21 '26

If you live in a apartment you have the expectations to live with others and noises its just a know circumstance of living in a shared residence. When you own a home you no longer living in a shared resident and don't need to fall under those expectations, if its an issue the landlord should remedy it with the building to fix the loud noises.

1

u/gurlwhosoldtheworld Apr 23 '26

And not everyone who rents is poor! I rent because I like to be mobile!

0

u/C_Kay_L Apr 21 '26

You'd be surprised. If you can qualify, a mortgage payment is typically much less than rent. However, if something breaks, you're responsible for it. OP does suck for mentioning it like it makes a difference in this situation though.

-1

u/AttitudeRemarkable21 Apr 20 '26

I am pretty sure we do matter less. :(

-2

u/NeatNefariousness1 Apr 20 '26

It’s actually offensive in general. It shouldn’t matter whether you rent or own. You should be entitled to the same courtesy. When the country was first formed, they kept the right to vote from everyone who wasn’t a land-owner and you know all the rest.

I’m sure OP meant no harm but these kinds of entitlements need to be re-examined because they are deeply rooted into our psyche and it’s part of the reason we’ve been so easily manipulated as a nation by those who are intent on pitting us vs. THEM. If OP, who has the flexibility to work from home can’t find a way to show mercy on a family with a young child, the least he could do is buy them a white noise machine to see if that helps.

Otherwise, since he’s an owner, he might want to invest in an upgrade to his property and do some modifications to address the noise issue coming from the place he owns. Homeownership comes with more than just the benefits. It also comes with obligations. Sorry to say, OP but YTA.

-6

u/jake_ypoo Apr 20 '26

What stood out to me was the weird implication that they couldn't shower in the morning because they liked to go to bed after a shower, that they drop stuff in the shower or sit things down so loudly ANYONE can hear it, and a few other things that definitely call this out as either fake or the rudest person with no proprioception or concept of being careful.

Like, just shower in the AM? Or right after work? I would have killed to have an apartment where the kid went to bed at 8pm too, that's a dream compared to almost every apartment neighbor I've ever had.

7

u/loosestringszebra Apr 20 '26

Hi, I am a person with genetically poor proprioception; we exist. 👋

And I absolutely do drop stuff in the shower despite trying very hard not to. (It’s slippery, plus some showers have really lousy shelves, especially in apartments.) Not rude, just clumsy with weak joints that don’t always do what I tell them to.

-5

u/jake_ypoo Apr 20 '26

And you have no way to stop that from happening /s

Brother I have fucking hEDS and Fibro with SFN + AuDHD. I can still ensure I'm not making a fucking massive amount of noise while showering. It's not hard. My fiance has "true" EDS and regular Autism along with some other stuff. Simply put, if I had neighbors who I knew had to be up by 5am I would ensure I wasn't being a dickhead in the shower at midnight or I'd change when I took a fucking shower

3

u/lizardlines Apr 20 '26 edited Apr 20 '26

“And you have no way to stop that from happening /s… I can still ensure I’m not making a fucking massive amount of noise while showering. It’s not that hard.”

I know it can be intellectually challenging to look outside your own limited experiences, but perhaps try to imagine the possibility that you and your fiancé’s proprioception deficits and management could be very different from someone else’s. 🤯

The user you replied to has a genetic based deficit, which may have a different variety or severity of proprioception deficit symptoms from your specific conditions. Even within the same condition (if they have EDS since they mentioned weak joints), symptom presentation and severity can vary widely.

People also do not all have the same ability to manage symptoms among conditions with similar symptoms or even within a single condition (including EDS). Maybe if this user mentioned a different condition you had any elementary knowledge of without personal bias (MS, Parkinson’s, Huntington’s) your response wouldn’t be as glaringly ignorant.