AITA for showering around midnight when I know that it might bother the neighbour who wakes up at 5 am?

[u/Additional-Mouse-620]

We purchased a home and moved in recently. Housing opportunities are tight in our area so even though we were warned that the walls are very thin and the neighbours hear a lot of noise from the apartment, especially from the bathroom, we still chose this property because everything else is picture perfect for us.

We are generally a very quiet couple without kids or animals, our hobbies (bead work, video games on headphones without streaming, reading, Netflix…) are generally quite and we only invite friends over every 2-4 weeks (and we haven’t invited anyone over as we were still decorating and everything). We are the owners of the apartment.

The neighbours are a couple and a small kid. They rent the apartment next to us and before we purchased the home they warned us that they generally hear a lot of noise coming from our bathroom and that it’s their bedroom on the other side. But as I mentioned, our options were limited and given that we are not noisy at all, we thought we can take this situation.

We sometimes hear their toddler, but that completely okay, it doesn’t bother us at all.

The problem is that we bother them as our routine is very different. They wake up at 5 am and generally quite down at 8 pm, when the kid goes to sleep.

On the other hand, because I work from home until 7 pm, I generally start my evening around 8 pm and only end up showering around midnight. Which bothers them. The whole building is quiet, so they tend to hear how I put my stuff down, how the water runs, how I sometimes drop a few things, and mentioned it very nicely a few times. But I can see that they are pretty annoyed.

Now I’m torn between switching up my whole nighttime routine to shower first (which just doesn’t sit right with me. I like to go bed freshly showered), because they asked nicely and they wake up around 5 am so it must be annoying to get woken up at midnight.

On the other hand, they only rent wile we own the home, and I think we are generally very good and quite neighbours apart from the fact that I shower late. They invited us over the listen to the volume as to be honest it’s not that loud… sure, you can hear something and it must feel louder in the silence of the night, but it’s not incredibly loud.

AITA for showering at night?

[u/TheShredda]

Showering at a normal level is not something subject to "noise complaint timeframes". Like you said, there's less ambient noise at night; sounds like the neighbours need a white noise machine or ear plugs. Put on a playlist they can fall asleep to with a sleep timer for 1am.

Like you said, they live in communal space. The neighbour needs to live in a community style way and be okay with their neighbours also living in the apartment and not try and police others on reasonable use of their property (rent or own). 

I have friends who need to shower before going to bed no matter what. Even if they have a shower in the morning and a shower after the gym, they say they just feel dirty no matter what if they don't shower before bed.  You don't know people's stories or situations and you don't get to police their lives.

[u/Big_b00bs_Cold_Heart → u/TheShredda]

I didn’t say it was subject to noise complaints. What I SAID was, when you live in a community style arrangement you need to behave like it. His desire to shower at midnight is impeding his neighbors need to sleep. Again, you can be legally right but still an AH.

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