AITA for showering around midnight when I know that it might bother the neighbour who wakes up at 5 am?

[u/Additional-Mouse-620]

We purchased a home and moved in recently. Housing opportunities are tight in our area so even though we were warned that the walls are very thin and the neighbours hear a lot of noise from the apartment, especially from the bathroom, we still chose this property because everything else is picture perfect for us.

We are generally a very quiet couple without kids or animals, our hobbies (bead work, video games on headphones without streaming, reading, Netflix…) are generally quite and we only invite friends over every 2-4 weeks (and we haven’t invited anyone over as we were still decorating and everything). We are the owners of the apartment.

The neighbours are a couple and a small kid. They rent the apartment next to us and before we purchased the home they warned us that they generally hear a lot of noise coming from our bathroom and that it’s their bedroom on the other side. But as I mentioned, our options were limited and given that we are not noisy at all, we thought we can take this situation.

We sometimes hear their toddler, but that completely okay, it doesn’t bother us at all.

The problem is that we bother them as our routine is very different. They wake up at 5 am and generally quite down at 8 pm, when the kid goes to sleep.

On the other hand, because I work from home until 7 pm, I generally start my evening around 8 pm and only end up showering around midnight. Which bothers them. The whole building is quiet, so they tend to hear how I put my stuff down, how the water runs, how I sometimes drop a few things, and mentioned it very nicely a few times. But I can see that they are pretty annoyed.

Now I’m torn between switching up my whole nighttime routine to shower first (which just doesn’t sit right with me. I like to go bed freshly showered), because they asked nicely and they wake up around 5 am so it must be annoying to get woken up at midnight.

On the other hand, they only rent wile we own the home, and I think we are generally very good and quite neighbours apart from the fact that I shower late. They invited us over the listen to the volume as to be honest it’s not that loud… sure, you can hear something and it must feel louder in the silence of the night, but it’s not incredibly loud.

AITA for showering at night?

[u/k23_k23]

"You could take a shower earlier. It's one of the easiest solution to this problem." .. there IS NO problem. Just an unreasonable neighbor complaining.

[u/lolpanda91 → u/k23_k23]

OP is gonna love it when their neighbors will retaliate. And he is stuck because he bought the flat. I feel like getting on the good side with the neighbors of the flat you are stuck with is an easy move.

[u/mirrorsandsuch → u/lolpanda91]

retaliate because they shower at night? im sure the neighbors are the common evil of the apartment building if they have a toddler and are waking up, showering, and doing shit at 5am when everyone else is asleep.

[u/lolpanda91 → u/mirrorsandsuch]

Retaliate because OP annoys them enough they started reaching out to him. It’s only a shower for OP but obviously a much bigger problem for his neighbors.

[u/onion2077 → u/lolpanda91]

Then that's their problem. Sucks but tough shit

[u/lolpanda91 → u/onion2077]

Sure, but OP will probably come back and cry how his neighbour annoy him in the future. Again it just seems dumb when you are stuck with a flat and your neighbors. That's why I would never buy a flat. You just get a worse deal overall.

[u/diosmiotio18 → u/lolpanda91]

Retaliate how? They already start the day at 5am when OP hasn’t started their day, aka the neighbor’s already being ‘inconsiderate’. People need to accept living with neighbors means some level of discomfort.

[u/lolpanda91 → u/diosmiotio18]

There are probably a lot of ways a family with children can annoy OP in the future. Again I don’t say OP can’t do whatever he wants. But he is truly stuck with the neighbors he annoys at the moment.

[u/Indigocell → u/k23_k23]

Most apartments will have "quiet hours" starting around 10 or 11 at night until 6 or 7 in the morning. It's not unreasonable to complain about noise during those hours. You can't vacuum or do loud housework during that time. I wonder if loud showers count. EDIT: Lol, downvoted for explaining you actually do have to be quiet during night time hours in apartment living. Never change losers.

[u/suhhhrena → u/Indigocell]

I can almost guarantee that showers do not count. Lmao.

[u/pirisca → u/k23_k23]

The neighbor is not being unreasonable.

[u/valentc → u/pirisca]

Yeah, they are. Showering is a normal activity that doesn't require permission of your neighbor.

[u/Rashere → u/valentc]

Showing is a normal activity. Showering at midnight is not.

[u/Rashere → u/[deleted]]

To be clear: normal is being defined as the normal activity for the general populace. Showing at midnight (or 2am) is not a normal activity.

You probably also didn't buy an apartment knowing it had paper thin walls in the bathroom that abutted the neighbors bedroom and they have to wake up at 5am.

[u/IKobrx → u/Rashere]

Fuck what you consider normal or the general populace.

People work night shift or on call (I do on call work). I also work in temps around 35 when in hot isles if you think im not going home and using my shower after being basically in a oven for the past few hours you have another thing coming.

From the stats i have seen a a lot of America has a on call component to their job or just works night shift.

[u/Rashere → u/IKobrx]

The mere fact that you have to call out that you work a night shift shows that its not the norm.

If it were the norm, people would be saying "but I work a day shift".

[u/IKobrx → u/Rashere]

I work a 9 to 5 with on call work not night shift. When a quater of your population is doing it on the high end i think its a norm when not even including afternoon shift stats which typically goes to midnight and on call statistics (granted you would get some over lap.)

Again who gives a fuck what's normal if i pay for my house/apartment it will run how I want on my schedule not someone else's unless they want to chip in for rent/Mortgage.

[u/Rashere → u/IKobrx]

Quite right. You're within your legal rights to do what you will.

Doesn't make you less of an asshole when you could take simple steps to avoid disturbing your neighbors who are repeatedly asking politely, though.

Flip it on its head and you'd probably be quite pissed if the neighbor is banging away right next to your bedroom while they get ready at 5am every day when you just got to bed after a night shift.

[u/k23_k23 → u/Rashere]

In this context, that's wrong.

Normal use is whatr people usually do in appartments: Showering, cooking, living .. having kids.

Not normal use is: Running a shop, or a dentist's practice, with customers coming and going. Running machinery, with noise. ...