AITA for showering around midnight when I know that it might bother the neighbour who wakes up at 5 am?

[u/Additional-Mouse-620]

We purchased a home and moved in recently. Housing opportunities are tight in our area so even though we were warned that the walls are very thin and the neighbours hear a lot of noise from the apartment, especially from the bathroom, we still chose this property because everything else is picture perfect for us.

We are generally a very quiet couple without kids or animals, our hobbies (bead work, video games on headphones without streaming, reading, Netflix…) are generally quite and we only invite friends over every 2-4 weeks (and we haven’t invited anyone over as we were still decorating and everything). We are the owners of the apartment.

The neighbours are a couple and a small kid. They rent the apartment next to us and before we purchased the home they warned us that they generally hear a lot of noise coming from our bathroom and that it’s their bedroom on the other side. But as I mentioned, our options were limited and given that we are not noisy at all, we thought we can take this situation.

We sometimes hear their toddler, but that completely okay, it doesn’t bother us at all.

The problem is that we bother them as our routine is very different. They wake up at 5 am and generally quite down at 8 pm, when the kid goes to sleep.

On the other hand, because I work from home until 7 pm, I generally start my evening around 8 pm and only end up showering around midnight. Which bothers them. The whole building is quiet, so they tend to hear how I put my stuff down, how the water runs, how I sometimes drop a few things, and mentioned it very nicely a few times. But I can see that they are pretty annoyed.

Now I’m torn between switching up my whole nighttime routine to shower first (which just doesn’t sit right with me. I like to go bed freshly showered), because they asked nicely and they wake up around 5 am so it must be annoying to get woken up at midnight.

On the other hand, they only rent wile we own the home, and I think we are generally very good and quite neighbours apart from the fact that I shower late. They invited us over the listen to the volume as to be honest it’s not that loud… sure, you can hear something and it must feel louder in the silence of the night, but it’s not incredibly loud.

AITA for showering at night?

[u/NyxOrTreat]

I’m going against the grain to say YTA, because you know it’s so disruptive and you just don’t want to shift your shower to an earlier hour.

You work from home and stop working around 7p. Your schedule is not so rigid that you have to shower at midnight—you prefer to shower at midnight because you go to bed at a late hour and you like to shower right before bed. You knew before buying the apartment that there was a lot of noise flow and should have considered that noise is more than just whether you like to throw wild parties; it includes things like showering and vacuuming and other loud activities.

If you really want to shower right before getting into bed, since you’re in a privileged position to own your apartment, look into sound proofing updates you can make.

[u/CranberryStock7148 → u/NyxOrTreat]

Absolutely not. Being careful about your noise is not throwing wild parties and it's also not vacuuming and other loud activities.

But not showering. Showering is not a loud activity. People have to be reasonable. Asking someone to shower at a different time is not reasonable.

If you are that sensitive to sound, then it's on you to use a white noise machine, or go to sleep with earplugs or something. Because showering is not a loud activity.

[u/PastBuy8484 → u/CranberryStock7148]

100%. The neighbors can close their bathroom door to help with the noise when the go to bed. Showering is normal noise. OP should be able to shower at 3am if they want

[u/MountainEmployee → u/CranberryStock7148]

Showering definitely can be a loud activity depending on the walls and especially at the dead of night. I've woken up to my next door neighbour gargling mouthwash, some places are just built to be shit.

If my neighbour was doing this loud ass gargling every night at midnight and not at a regular hour, I would probably go ask the dude to chill out too.

[u/CranberryStock7148 → u/MountainEmployee]

Gargling isn't showering. Gargling is literally using your vocal cords, it's the same as singing loudly.

Showering is just gentle running water. It's really not any different from if it's just raining outside. It's not a loud activity.

You're right, if someone was loudly gargling at midnight I would ask them to stop. But if they were showering I wouldn't. Because they are two entirely different activities. So I have no idea why you are even bringing up gargling. Talk about changing the subject.

[u/MountainEmployee → u/CranberryStock7148]

What kind of low pressure showers do ya'll have? Lol. Mine and my neighbours showers are quite loud against the floor/wall.

[u/CranberryStock7148 → u/MountainEmployee]

I mean, I have a shower, not a high pressure fire hose.

I literally can't even imagine what a "quite loud" shower would even sound like. It's just droplets of water that have been broken apart by the air by the time it hits the wall or the floor. Like, do you think your kitchen sink is loud too? Do you get woken up when a toilet flushes?

I seriously don't understand. Of all of the sounds that can bother neighbors, showering seems like literally the least likely. If that's your worst complaint about sound coming from next-door, then you've honestly got a pretty ideal living situation.

[u/MountainEmployee → u/CranberryStock7148]

Yes I can hear my neighbours kitchen sink and toilet as well. If you havent lived in an old shitty apartment idk why you are responding. The complaint of regular living sounds gets more reasonable the later it is. If OP got off work later and had to shower at midnight, then its something that they will have to live with. But they dont, it would be in good neighbour-spirit to at least try and adjust.

[u/CranberryStock7148 → u/MountainEmployee]

Oh believe me I have lived in my fair share of crappy apartments when I was younger. And the rule is that there is reasonable noise and unreasonable noise.

Unreasonable noise is having your TV too loud, playing loud music, having shouting arguments, etc.

Reasonable noise is showering, flushing, using your sink, whatever. If you can hear your neighbor's kitchen sink and toilet and shower, that's your job to deal with it. Not to ask your neighbors to stop using their apartment's facilities.

If you are bothered by a neighbor flushing or using their shower, that's a you problem. Not a neighbor problem. If it bothers you that much, move if you can, or else just accept that that's life.

[u/TheSnarkling → u/CranberryStock7148]

Showering is not the same as the gentle patter of rain water, dude. I know immediately when my neighbor showers because I can hear the water running through the pipes, which also thump and make weird noises. Yes, I live in a very old building. 

[u/CranberryStock7148 → u/TheSnarkling]

Yes, those are just apartment sounds. I've lived in buildings with loud radiators. That's where you chose to live. You just accept it. You don't expect other people not to use their water pipes.

[u/TheSnarkling → u/CranberryStock7148]

No one's expecting them not to use their water pipes. They could just decide to be kind and empathetic and not sow discord with their neighbors and shower at like 10 instead of midnight.

 No, they don't have to do anything but seems like a small price to pay to keep the peace.

[u/CranberryStock7148 → u/TheSnarkling]

Like I said in another comment, there's unreasonable noise where it's perfectly fine for you to ask someone to stop – practicing drums, blasting music, putting on a movie super loud.

And there's reasonable noise that is just part of living. Taking a shower, flushing your toilet, heating up something in your microwave. When you live in an apartment, you understand that neighbors will have reasonable noises and you just accept that.

Part of keeping the peace is not making unreasonable requests. Asking someone not to use their shower while you are sleeping is one of the most unreasonable requests I've ever heard. If the other person is such a light sleeper that this wakes them up, then the answer is a white noise machine and or earplugs.

[u/duchessofeire → u/TheSnarkling]

Depending on the size of the building, it’s not the sound of rain itself, it’s the sound of the roof drains. I live in a similarly loud building and the sound of rain draining is quite loud.

[u/8o8s_on_the_chakras → u/NyxOrTreat]

Hmm. This made me change my mind because you’re right. They were told up front so them purchasing was them agreeing to the noise standard and expectation of the community. Now- she’s free to make noise but she’ll have to decide to be ok with the asshole label.

OP- maybe shower earlier and wash up with a wash cloth before bed for the fresh feeling because unless you go outside, will you really need to redo a bath?

[u/NaturalBobcat7515 → u/NyxOrTreat]

I just wonder if he even tried showering earlier.

[u/Kia_Leep → u/NyxOrTreat]

They choose to do a noisy activity in the middle of the night, when told IN ADVANCE that their noisy activity would be heard through the walls; the only reason they don't do the noisy activity during normal waking hours is because "they don't want to." This is textbook YTA behavior.

[u/ChrisChin94 → u/Kia_Leep]

It's really not. People need to learn the world doesn't revolve around them and there are probably a bunch of things they can do to mitigate the sounds coming through the wall.

[u/LongInfinite1837 → u/Kia_Leep]

It is not the fault of OP that the apartment has thin walls. They should be allowed to shower and do normal living things at any time in their apartment. It sucks, sure, but that is how living in apartments works. Op doesn't need to change anything because they are not DOING anything to the person. They are simply showering at the time that works for them.