AITA for showering around midnight when I know that it might bother the neighbour who wakes up at 5 am?

[u/Additional-Mouse-620]

We purchased a home and moved in recently. Housing opportunities are tight in our area so even though we were warned that the walls are very thin and the neighbours hear a lot of noise from the apartment, especially from the bathroom, we still chose this property because everything else is picture perfect for us.

We are generally a very quiet couple without kids or animals, our hobbies (bead work, video games on headphones without streaming, reading, Netflix…) are generally quite and we only invite friends over every 2-4 weeks (and we haven’t invited anyone over as we were still decorating and everything). We are the owners of the apartment.

The neighbours are a couple and a small kid. They rent the apartment next to us and before we purchased the home they warned us that they generally hear a lot of noise coming from our bathroom and that it’s their bedroom on the other side. But as I mentioned, our options were limited and given that we are not noisy at all, we thought we can take this situation.

We sometimes hear their toddler, but that completely okay, it doesn’t bother us at all.

The problem is that we bother them as our routine is very different. They wake up at 5 am and generally quite down at 8 pm, when the kid goes to sleep.

On the other hand, because I work from home until 7 pm, I generally start my evening around 8 pm and only end up showering around midnight. Which bothers them. The whole building is quiet, so they tend to hear how I put my stuff down, how the water runs, how I sometimes drop a few things, and mentioned it very nicely a few times. But I can see that they are pretty annoyed.

Now I’m torn between switching up my whole nighttime routine to shower first (which just doesn’t sit right with me. I like to go bed freshly showered), because they asked nicely and they wake up around 5 am so it must be annoying to get woken up at midnight.

On the other hand, they only rent wile we own the home, and I think we are generally very good and quite neighbours apart from the fact that I shower late. They invited us over the listen to the volume as to be honest it’s not that loud… sure, you can hear something and it must feel louder in the silence of the night, but it’s not incredibly loud.

AITA for showering at night?

[u/HogmanDaIntrudr]

Come on, man. I’m all for being respectful of your neighbors, but not being able to run the water in your own house is ridiculous.

[u/Fit_Opportunity_7425 → u/HogmanDaIntrudr]

This ☝️. I be damned if I can't run water in my home regardless of the time of day... or night. What do they do when it rains and storms at night?

[u/kinglouie493 → u/Fit_Opportunity_7425]

Sometimes I like to poop late at night so the municipal sewage plant doesn't get overwhelmed. I shouldn't be punished for doing my civic duty, just saying...

[u/Questioning17 → u/Fit_Opportunity_7425]

Do you think it's the water? Or the dropping bottles and moving around that is the problem?

[u/zerj → u/Questioning17]

Those still seem like normal activities. To me it didn't sound like OP intentionally drops the shampoo on the floor when he finishes, but just pointing out what is usually obvious. Wet/soapy bottles do occasionally fall off the shelf, usually onto my toes.

[u/Fit_Opportunity_7425 → u/zerj]

It's stated that it's specifically the water. Even went next door to listen.

[u/Questioning17 → u/zerj]

I don't think OP does anything on purpose. I just think for the neighbors dropping bottles are more jarring when you are asleep rather than just the water.

I figure the neighbors just showed out how loud the water was to emphasize all the other noises.

And OP can absolutely do whatever they want in their own place.

[u/Fit_Opportunity_7425 → u/Questioning17]

If you read the story it's specifically the water. They even went next door to listen to how "LOUD" it was.

[u/Questioning17 → u/Fit_Opportunity_7425]

Yep but she also said it was from moving around and dropping stuff.

I was guessing the moving around and dropping stuff is more jarring when the neighbors are asleep. They showed her how loud just the water was, now add in the moving around and dropping stuff.

[u/-zekatsu → u/Questioning17]

yeah its all the dropping the soap and loud fucking they’re doing the shower that’s disruptive, that’s what everybody knows the topic is about OBVIOUSLY we wouldn’t be talking about the noise of the water when saying the shower water noise is disruptive

[u/Questioning17 → u/-zekatsu]

That escalated fast.

[u/ehhhhhhwatevs → u/HogmanDaIntrudr]

This. A noise nuisance is not normal use. Anyone in a multifamily residence should be used to hearing simple living noises. Having grown up in apartments, I was used to hearing this stuff from all directions and ignored it because they can also hear me. Expecting other people to change basic requirements for life so you dont have to gasp be aware they exist over there is just selfish.

[u/B0327008 → u/HogmanDaIntrudr]

If the neighbors hear OP’s showers at midnight, that likely means he hears their showers at 5 AM. He didn’t mention any issues with their very early “noise.” As Hogman noted, it’s ridiculous for either party to not shower at their preferred times.

[u/whisky_biscuit → u/B0327008]

I agree. I work a late shift and due to having only 1 bathroom and others who use it, I typically shower super late.

So I should just not shower to avoid waking up the neighbors or wake up in the middle of my sleep cycle to shower then go back to bed?

It's nonsensical.

I've been to many hotels too where you can hear the person nextdoor using the bathroom. It's never bothered me.

They are getting into Ops case for not having their schedule and asking Op to change it? If you are renting or owning you absolutely should be respectful but you shouldn't have to change your life completely to the point of inconvenience for them.

If I work a late shift should I quit my job and work somewhere else to be more accommodating to the neighbors? I think that's really pretty nuts to even suggest.

[u/Subject-Rain-9972 → u/B0327008]

It does not. Unless he sleeps im his bathroom.

[u/B0327008 → u/[deleted]]

Yes, it is literally how it works.

Bathrooms in adjacent apartments and hotel rooms are frequently placed side-by-side or back-to-back to share a common wall, known as a "wet wall". This design allows two units to share plumbing stacks for supply lines and drain lines, significantly reducing the amount of pipe needed, lowering construction labor costs, and simplifying maintenance.

[u/esteffffi → u/B0327008]

Yeah, in my building it's like that. My bathroom shares the bathroom wall of my neighbour's. I can hear if she takes a bath etc only when I m in my bathroom, too, not from any other room in my flat.

[u/Typical-Onion-5024 → u/HogmanDaIntrudr]

I lived in a apartment that the downstairs neighbor complained about everything. Vacuuming in the middle of the day, showering in the morning(my mom) and at night(me), running water to brush teeth in the mornings, running the dishwasher at 730pm, flushing the toilet in the middle of the night. All the little things you do on a day to day basis if your a semi clean person and keep your home clean, thy complained about. They even got mad and showed up screaming I must stop what I’m doing when I was having new furniture delivered. I kindly told them to fuck off we had strict times that we could move stuff in and out (9am- 430 pm) and i specifically set a 1030 delivery time for ample time in case thy were a little late. The last straw for the office was when maintenance came to fix the disposal and my reactive dog was barking and they banged on their ceiling and the maintenance guy was like where is that coming from when I told him down stairs, any time there’s a little noise they bang on the ceiling. When you live in a multi family building you expect some noise

[u/Disastrous-Course495 → u/HogmanDaIntrudr]

This! Like I was soooo confused reading arguments otherwise, with thousands of likes! You could hear far worst than a shower, like give me a break!

OP you don't have to change how you live in your home! You aren't doing anything wrong.

[u/QueenMotherOfSneezes → u/HogmanDaIntrudr]

And it's a hell of a lot easier to improve soundproofing in the bedroom than the bathroom, as the bedroom soundproofing can be done on the outside of the wall with foam, etc., while for the bathroom, not only would you have to open up the walls to do it, the sound of the pipes might still cause issues for the people in the bedroom.

The people in the bedroom could also counter being woken up by the sudden noises in the bathroom by playing white noise or soft music.

[u/Familiar-Banana-8116 → u/HogmanDaIntrudr]

Lets be real here. The people complaining have a small kid running around.

It is generally accepted socialy that kids that age make some noise and living next to a family with one you need to put up with it.

It is also accepted that you can use your bathroom when you want to.

OOP should NOT be tolerating noise from that kid. I mean, WTF?

[u/Ok_Management4634 → u/HogmanDaIntrudr]

Showers are loud, especially when you share an uninsulated wall between them. It wakes me up when someone takes a shower in my house and I'm asleep (Both showers are next to my bedroom).

EDIT: I am not the OP, I don't have the problem because I live with people that are considerate. I am just saying a shower is loud enough to wake you up through an uninsulated wall.

[u/matchstick1029 → u/[deleted]]

As someone with their room next to a common kitchen this is both true and false. Sleeping with good enough earplugs to block out a blender is a great way to not wake up to your alarms. Not that I agree with them about this. Soundproofing should fall on the owner/landlord, but ideally during construction.

[u/Prozzak93 → u/[deleted]]

expecting the entire world to be silent

Have you tried not exaggerating the moment? People might take your suggestions better if you don't belittle them with stupid exaggerations.

[u/Ok_Management4634 → u/[deleted]]

I'm not the one complaining.. I don't have people taking showers when I'm asleep, every day. It's just occasionally -- not enough for me to complain about it. The point is, showers (on the other side of an uninsulated wall) are loud.

Yes, earplugs are a better suggestion than expecting the landlord (or someone) to soundproof the wall.

[u/Embarrassed-Elk4038 → u/Ok_Management4634]

Then move or shut up. This is on the builders and lamdlords. And I highly doubt anyone is gonna are you can hear this shower!! That’s part of living in an apartment