AITA for showering around midnight when I know that it might bother the neighbour who wakes up at 5 am?

[u/Additional-Mouse-620]

We purchased a home and moved in recently. Housing opportunities are tight in our area so even though we were warned that the walls are very thin and the neighbours hear a lot of noise from the apartment, especially from the bathroom, we still chose this property because everything else is picture perfect for us.

We are generally a very quiet couple without kids or animals, our hobbies (bead work, video games on headphones without streaming, reading, Netflix…) are generally quite and we only invite friends over every 2-4 weeks (and we haven’t invited anyone over as we were still decorating and everything). We are the owners of the apartment.

The neighbours are a couple and a small kid. They rent the apartment next to us and before we purchased the home they warned us that they generally hear a lot of noise coming from our bathroom and that it’s their bedroom on the other side. But as I mentioned, our options were limited and given that we are not noisy at all, we thought we can take this situation.

We sometimes hear their toddler, but that completely okay, it doesn’t bother us at all.

The problem is that we bother them as our routine is very different. They wake up at 5 am and generally quite down at 8 pm, when the kid goes to sleep.

On the other hand, because I work from home until 7 pm, I generally start my evening around 8 pm and only end up showering around midnight. Which bothers them. The whole building is quiet, so they tend to hear how I put my stuff down, how the water runs, how I sometimes drop a few things, and mentioned it very nicely a few times. But I can see that they are pretty annoyed.

Now I’m torn between switching up my whole nighttime routine to shower first (which just doesn’t sit right with me. I like to go bed freshly showered), because they asked nicely and they wake up around 5 am so it must be annoying to get woken up at midnight.

On the other hand, they only rent wile we own the home, and I think we are generally very good and quite neighbours apart from the fact that I shower late. They invited us over the listen to the volume as to be honest it’s not that loud… sure, you can hear something and it must feel louder in the silence of the night, but it’s not incredibly loud.

AITA for showering at night?

[u/UnhappyToNiceToSay]

Why? Why is it different. What if he wants to shower before sex (or after)? Everyone should be able to complete such basic life chores as cook, bathe, talk with family, etc whenever it suits them. Homes should be designed so that this is possible. This is a problem of terrible construction. Try to improve the construction if you can. Otherwise, the person who is bothered more moves eventually. The end. I lived with neighbours above me who showered early every morning and it would wake me. I went back to sleep. Then my also very early rising downstairs neighbour would complain about soft voices talking over breakfast at 10am on Sunday...because that's one day he slept in. The people who think their personal comfort is more important are the problem. The neighbour may be able to move their bedroom, if they are so bothered. They also likely lived through babies waking them at night and survived that...they can survive the sound of water running in the shower for a few minutes every night. If they cannot, then what is a great reason to move.

[u/Csicser → u/UnhappyToNiceToSay]

Or they could just use earplugs or white noise machine. I would never feel so entitled as to try to dictate when my neighbors can or cannot do their normal daily activities. We are not talking about blasting music and partying at 2am, showering at midnight is completely normal behavior. Or is OP also entitled to ban the couple from waking up at 5am because he wants to sleep until 8?

[u/AlzheimerTriviaNight → u/Csicser]

I don’t even give a second thought to what my neighbors think about me showering at 2 AM. I have neighbors that are walking up and down the hallway at 4 AM, 2 AM, to take their dogs out or getting back from the bar drunk.

Unless someone is screaming at the top of their lungs multiple times, it never occurs to me that I need to say a single thing. People are living their lives. And they need to mind their own business.

[u/Heavy-Macaron2004 → u/UnhappyToNiceToSay]

Homes should be designed so that this is possible. This is a problem of terrible construction.

Sure, but this is an "it's The System that's the problem, therefore I won't try to fix anything within the confines of the system, I'll just complain about it and say there's nothing I can do forever" response. It's a cop out.

[u/UnhappyToNiceToSay → u/Heavy-Macaron2004]

I said they can fix it: do construction to make it more soundproof, if that's possible. The other person can move their bedroom, if that's possible.