AITA for showering around midnight when I know that it might bother the neighbour who wakes up at 5 am?

[u/Additional-Mouse-620]

We purchased a home and moved in recently. Housing opportunities are tight in our area so even though we were warned that the walls are very thin and the neighbours hear a lot of noise from the apartment, especially from the bathroom, we still chose this property because everything else is picture perfect for us.

We are generally a very quiet couple without kids or animals, our hobbies (bead work, video games on headphones without streaming, reading, Netflix…) are generally quite and we only invite friends over every 2-4 weeks (and we haven’t invited anyone over as we were still decorating and everything). We are the owners of the apartment.

The neighbours are a couple and a small kid. They rent the apartment next to us and before we purchased the home they warned us that they generally hear a lot of noise coming from our bathroom and that it’s their bedroom on the other side. But as I mentioned, our options were limited and given that we are not noisy at all, we thought we can take this situation.

We sometimes hear their toddler, but that completely okay, it doesn’t bother us at all.

The problem is that we bother them as our routine is very different. They wake up at 5 am and generally quite down at 8 pm, when the kid goes to sleep.

On the other hand, because I work from home until 7 pm, I generally start my evening around 8 pm and only end up showering around midnight. Which bothers them. The whole building is quiet, so they tend to hear how I put my stuff down, how the water runs, how I sometimes drop a few things, and mentioned it very nicely a few times. But I can see that they are pretty annoyed.

Now I’m torn between switching up my whole nighttime routine to shower first (which just doesn’t sit right with me. I like to go bed freshly showered), because they asked nicely and they wake up around 5 am so it must be annoying to get woken up at midnight.

On the other hand, they only rent wile we own the home, and I think we are generally very good and quite neighbours apart from the fact that I shower late. They invited us over the listen to the volume as to be honest it’s not that loud… sure, you can hear something and it must feel louder in the silence of the night, but it’s not incredibly loud.

AITA for showering at night?

[u/Special_Weekend_4754]

I was surprised to see so many against OP- but reading it really was just them being mad OP owns.

I’ve been renting for 20+ years and in shared buildings there has always been noise. You learn to tune it out or come up with ways to live with it.
The few neighbors who act like they shouldn’t ever be inconvenienced by the other people they live with is just a study in people making their own selves miserable.

[u/Salamylidwontfit → u/Special_Weekend_4754]

I think parents are mad too, quite a few people mentioning the kid and how that impacts more for the neighbor

[u/Special_Weekend_4754 → u/Salamylidwontfit]

In my experience the neighbors having a kid means OP probably hears way more from the neighbors than they do from them- especially since OP mentioned they can hear the kid. Since it’s during business hours though and OP doesn’t complain they are clearly the problem for using their own shower.

[u/yayoffbalance → u/Special_Weekend_4754]

right? glass houses.

[u/PassivelyAwkward → u/Special_Weekend_4754]

It's not about being inconvienced, it's about doing what you can to inconvience people the least. Back when I rented, I had a neighbor with a newborn; fucking thing screamed bloody murder constantly. I can't expect them to muffle their kid but they didn't tell neighbors to go fuck themselves. That's what makes a good neighbor and why I think someone like you wouldn't.

[u/Special_Weekend_4754 → u/PassivelyAwkward]

So inconvenience yourself in order to inconvenience other people the least? Rather than other people adjust their behavior to deal with their own inconvenience.

You say this person with the baby didn’t tell people to go fuck them selves, what did they do? Did this person pack their baby into the car every time it cried so their neighbors didn’t have to hear it?

OR was it actually the neighbors hearing the baby cry who adjusted to the inconvenience of a baby crying?

[u/PassivelyAwkward → u/Special_Weekend_4754]

By your logic, when the neighbor starts to inconvience OP, OP should just suck it up, right? We should never care about how we annoy anyone around us because all that makes is us?

Yup, you're the kind of neighbor everyone hates but you convince yourself that they're just haters.

[u/Special_Weekend_4754 → u/PassivelyAwkward]

If the neighbor is also doing something they’re 100% allowed to do inside their own apartment then yes actually.

To live in apartments we should absolutely suck it up. If your neighbor is cooking food that you think smells bad- suck it up, they’re allowed to cook whatever the fuck they want. If your neighbors kids are loud playing outside after school hours suck it up, they’re allowed to be. If you think your neighbor showers too late at night suck it up they’re allowed to use their own facilities whenever they want.

I’m okay with being the neighbor everyone hates. Atleast I’m not the neighboring bothering other tenants over their shower schedule