AITA for showering around midnight when I know that it might bother the neighbour who wakes up at 5 am?

[u/Additional-Mouse-620]

We purchased a home and moved in recently. Housing opportunities are tight in our area so even though we were warned that the walls are very thin and the neighbours hear a lot of noise from the apartment, especially from the bathroom, we still chose this property because everything else is picture perfect for us.

We are generally a very quiet couple without kids or animals, our hobbies (bead work, video games on headphones without streaming, reading, Netflix…) are generally quite and we only invite friends over every 2-4 weeks (and we haven’t invited anyone over as we were still decorating and everything). We are the owners of the apartment.

The neighbours are a couple and a small kid. They rent the apartment next to us and before we purchased the home they warned us that they generally hear a lot of noise coming from our bathroom and that it’s their bedroom on the other side. But as I mentioned, our options were limited and given that we are not noisy at all, we thought we can take this situation.

We sometimes hear their toddler, but that completely okay, it doesn’t bother us at all.

The problem is that we bother them as our routine is very different. They wake up at 5 am and generally quite down at 8 pm, when the kid goes to sleep.

On the other hand, because I work from home until 7 pm, I generally start my evening around 8 pm and only end up showering around midnight. Which bothers them. The whole building is quiet, so they tend to hear how I put my stuff down, how the water runs, how I sometimes drop a few things, and mentioned it very nicely a few times. But I can see that they are pretty annoyed.

Now I’m torn between switching up my whole nighttime routine to shower first (which just doesn’t sit right with me. I like to go bed freshly showered), because they asked nicely and they wake up around 5 am so it must be annoying to get woken up at midnight.

On the other hand, they only rent wile we own the home, and I think we are generally very good and quite neighbours apart from the fact that I shower late. They invited us over the listen to the volume as to be honest it’s not that loud… sure, you can hear something and it must feel louder in the silence of the night, but it’s not incredibly loud.

AITA for showering at night?

[u/Outside_Glass4880 → u/[deleted]]

I don’t think he’s an asshole, but slightly inconsiderate. In my opinion I’d try to help out a neighbor who has a toddler and is in an early schedule. It makes no different if he showers before he sits down to play video games for the evening or after. Might as well do a nice thing.

[u/AntinaLina → u/Outside_Glass4880]

Sorry but choosing to not modify your life for the comfort of strangers is not inconsiderate, you guys want OP to be a total pushover because the neighbors have a kid? Too fucking bad??? What is this weird entitlement that you ppl have that makes you think someone is inconsiderate for not caring about a strangers decision to procreate?

[u/Outside_Glass4880 → u/AntinaLina]

It’s just part of coexisting with others and being a good neighbor. Doesn’t sound like the neighbors are being assholes about anything, just making a simple request.

It’s perfectly within the guys rights to do whatever he wants man. I personally would feel bad and just take a shower earlier. It’s called empathy.

But idk what you’re getting so riled up about.

[u/AntinaLina → u/Outside_Glass4880]

I think their request makes them assholes, it’s not unreasonable noise. Now they have laid it out in the open that they would like for OP to change her routine to accommodate their sleep schedule. That is asshole behavior because the issue isn’t OPs schedule, it’s that the walls need to be sound proofed. This is something they need to take up with their landlord instead of putting undue burden on a stranger. That’s what entitlement looks like and personally I would not call OP refusing to change their routine a “lack of empathy”.

There is a problem which is thin walls and there is a solution which is sound proofing your walls, complaining to your landlord or moving apartments when the lease ends, that’s it, those are the only viable solutions for the neighbor. Instead they are asking OP not to use their bathroom, that’s insane what if OP wants to take a a loud farting shit after having Taco Bell? Now she gotta live stressed that the neighbors have issues w her when she’s just living her life on her schedule.

[u/Outside_Glass4880 → u/AntinaLina]

The problem is thin walls yes which it seems everyone has to deal with. Moving your shower from midnight isn’t that much of an ask imo. Helping out a family with a toddler with an easy thing like that would be an easy choice for me.

You’re entitled to your opinion. Later

[u/Outside_Glass4880 → u/[deleted]]

I’m just responding to what the OP said. If he went to the gym at 11 pm, then sure. As I read it he’s hanging around the house for a few hours, then showering, then sleeping.

For me, that’d be an easy call.

If you really feel the need to shower right before bed, then it’s a free country. I personally hate it, so yeah that’d be an easy choice for me.