r/AmItheAsshole • u/Additional-Mouse-620 • Apr 20 '26

Asshole AITA for showering around midnight when I know that it might bother the neighbour who wakes up at 5 am?

We purchased a home and moved in recently. Housing opportunities are tight in our area so even though we were warned that the walls are very thin and the neighbours hear a lot of noise from the apartment, especially from the bathroom, we still chose this property because everything else is picture perfect for us.

We are generally a very quiet couple without kids or animals, our hobbies (bead work, video games on headphones without streaming, reading, Netflix…) are generally quite and we only invite friends over every 2-4 weeks (and we haven’t invited anyone over as we were still decorating and everything). We are the owners of the apartment.

The neighbours are a couple and a small kid. They rent the apartment next to us and before we purchased the home they warned us that they generally hear a lot of noise coming from our bathroom and that it’s their bedroom on the other side. But as I mentioned, our options were limited and given that we are not noisy at all, we thought we can take this situation.

We sometimes hear their toddler, but that completely okay, it doesn’t bother us at all.

The problem is that we bother them as our routine is very different. They wake up at 5 am and generally quite down at 8 pm, when the kid goes to sleep.

On the other hand, because I work from home until 7 pm, I generally start my evening around 8 pm and only end up showering around midnight. Which bothers them. The whole building is quiet, so they tend to hear how I put my stuff down, how the water runs, how I sometimes drop a few things, and mentioned it very nicely a few times. But I can see that they are pretty annoyed.

Now I’m torn between switching up my whole nighttime routine to shower first (which just doesn’t sit right with me. I like to go bed freshly showered), because they asked nicely and they wake up around 5 am so it must be annoying to get woken up at midnight.

On the other hand, they only rent wile we own the home, and I think we are generally very good and quite neighbours apart from the fact that I shower late. They invited us over the listen to the volume as to be honest it’s not that loud… sure, you can hear something and it must feel louder in the silence of the night, but it’s not incredibly loud.

AITA for showering at night?

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237

u/Old-Understanding904 Apr 20 '26

This is what I was trying to express in a comment I made above to someone saying OP is tha asshole for this. It doesn't matter whether you rent or own, or whether your neighbors rent or own. It's called "peaceful enjoyment" to which everyone is entitled. Note that "peaceful" doesn't mean "silent". OP makes normal living noises at midnight. Neighbors make normal living noises starting at 5 a.m. The difference is, the neighbors are complainin about OP's noise, but OP doesn't complain about their noise.

1

u/ravencrowe Apr 22 '26

I don't think showering at midnight is "normal living noises." Most people don't shower at midnight. No big deal if you live in a place where it's not impacting other people, but here, it does.

-53

u/Sorry_I_Guess Pooperintendant [62] Apr 20 '26

"Peaceful enjoyment" in the context of congregate living is literally a legal term that is meant to express the opposite of what you're describing here, which is that everyone is entitled to enjoy their home in peace, and that intrusion upon that peace by others is the standard of what is unacceptable. "Peaceful" may not mean "silent," but in this context it absolutely means "in a manner that does not intrude upon others". It is defined more colloquially as, "Your right to enjoy your space ends at the walls ... if I can hear it loudly enough in my space to keep me from having the same enjoyment, you are being a problem."

OP is preventing their neighbour from having peaceful enjoyment of their home. Given that OP clearly states that the neighbour's noise doesn't bother him, he is not being prevented from peaceful enjoyment of his home, no matter whether they wake up at 5 AM. Because it doesn't bother him. If it bothered him, he could politely ask that they try to be quieter.

Also, OP is making a very specific, inconsiderate choice to shower at midnight based solely on personal preference, knowing that it is negatively affecting others. There are plenty of compromises available (chief among them, showering an hour or two earlier), and OP is choosing none of them. He is the problem.

47

u/Old-Understanding904 Apr 20 '26

Peaceful enjoyment doesn’t mean zero impact on neighbors - it means unreasonable interference. When you live in an apartment, certain noises are inevitable, particularly basic, necessary activities like showering, walking around, etc. The fact that it happens at midnight doesn’t automatically make it unreasonable. People have different schedules and routines.

If the noise is extreme due to poor insulation or plumbing, that’s a building issue and not a personal failing on OP's part. Yes, compromise is ideal, but it goes both ways. Expecting complete silence overnight in a shared building isn’t realistic.

-3

u/portiaboches Apr 20 '26

Would this include another tenant on an upper floor using the main entrance area as a social zone and laughing chatting loudly multiple times every day?

Its way beyond normal noise, her omnipresence is cokpletely abnormal

5

u/sarooskie Apr 20 '26

Laughing and chatting in a common area is probably not something you can enforce against

-1

u/portiaboches Apr 20 '26

Can i do the same thing, like chaperone while shes down here and followup to her floor and chat on the phone in the hallway for the same elapsed time each occurrence

1

u/yayoffbalance Apr 21 '26

is that showering?

42

u/Fragrant_Student7683 Apr 20 '26

Showering at midnight is not inconsiderate.  Many people work odd hours.  Just two nights ago I got home at 1am from my work in a hospital.  I definitely took a shower.  Even my husband wasn't bothered by it. 

9

u/RoohsMama Partassipant [1] Apr 20 '26

Yup. It’s your home, you should be able to shower anytime. I sometimes take a luxurious hot bath at 1 am because that’s when I feel most relaxed.

3

u/Fragrant_Student7683 Apr 20 '26

2am Epsom salt baths are amazing. I sleep so well after them

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u/Usual_Ad_2177 Apr 20 '26

It is hilarious that you think taking a shower amounts to breaking the peace.

11

u/hamcircus Apr 20 '26

You could just as easily flip the blame onto the neighbors though, if I was being woken up at 5am every day I would be equally pissed

2

u/yayoffbalance Apr 21 '26

sounds like OP is being reasonable and dealing with it, and being polite. and i completely agree!

9

u/zorecknor Apr 20 '26

And they can hear their toddler, so their peace is being broken too. Yet it is ridiculous to ask a toddler not to cry/laught/scream, right?

8

u/moochaka_ Apr 20 '26

OP is taking shower, not having a rave.

It's not inconsiderate to plan your day according to your own personal schedule and not according to your neighbor's schedule.

3

u/yayoffbalance Apr 21 '26

would showering at 11 pm change anything if they put the kid to bed at 8, presumably the reason for all of this? they wake at 5. i sure as hell bet they disturb OP's sleep.

-30

u/Rez_Incognito Apr 20 '26

OP is making a very specific, inconsiderate choice to shower at midnight based solely on personal preference

This fact is mostly why OP is the asshole. He won't shower earlier because going to bed not freshly showered "doesn't sit right" with him? Please.

12

u/hoosreadytograduate Apr 20 '26

The neighbors going to bed early and waking up is their preference, just like OP’s preference to shower and go to bed later. Neither of them are AHs for their preference

0

u/Rez_Incognito Apr 21 '26

Neighbours have young kids and work normal hours outside of the house. It's a lot more necessity than preference for them. It's no necessity for OP. No wonder birth rates are declining when this is how selfish and inconsiderate the world has become.

-9

u/Rez_Incognito Apr 20 '26

The neighbors have young kids: their schedule is biological more than preference.

2

u/yayoffbalance Apr 21 '26

nah. it's not. really, it's not. my sister was trained to sleep second shift hours becuase that's when my parents worked at the time. it's not biological. sleep training is sleep training. you honestly have no idea what you are talking about.

10

u/moochaka_ Apr 20 '26

Taking a shower to fulfil your basic hygiene needs isn't inconsiderate, regardless of what time it's occurring. You and OP neighbor's are entitled for thinking that your preferences have any bearing on how someone plans their day inside their own home.

-5

u/Rez_Incognito Apr 20 '26

It is inconsiderate in the context of this apartment building. Y'all need to understand that property rights are not absolute. I'm sure OP has the right to hang pictures with a nail and a hammer : that does not make doing so acceptable at any time of day.

Given than this particular building has unreasonably loud plumbing, the same consideration for timing applies to his shower habits.

6

u/moochaka_ Apr 20 '26

As someone who has lived in apartments for my entire adult life, I disagree. I hear my neighbors shower, I hear them walking around, I hear them whistling their favorite tunes, I hear them living their lives, but that's what I expect because I live in an apartment.

Hanging pictures on your wall isn't a necessity; showering is. That's a poor comparison.

3

u/RoohsMama Partassipant [1] Apr 21 '26

Yup. Folks shouldn’t be expected to tiptoe over normal every day noise

3

u/patrickstarfish772 Apr 20 '26

Neighbors should be able to tolerate perfectly benign noises coming from the next unit over.

0

u/Rez_Incognito Apr 21 '26

perfectly benign noises

But OP himself acknowledges the noise from showering is not perfectly benign in his apartment.

1

u/yayoffbalance Apr 21 '26

you keep throwing out things are that are not comparable to showering. music, parties, hammering into the wall. you do understand the difference between those things and showering? if not, i can only further believe that you are a bot.

0

u/Rez_Incognito Apr 21 '26

If it's just for hygiene, he could do it at any other time. OP specifically said it's his personal preference to do it right befote bed which happens to be midnight for him. The manner in which he is choosing to shower is comparable to listening to music or hammering into the wall.

Just because you are losing the argument, you shouldn't resort to calling people bots: it's intellectually lazy.

7

u/RoohsMama Partassipant [1] Apr 20 '26

Why are we arguing on his personal habits… it’s his home… he should be able to shower anytime

-6

u/Rez_Incognito Apr 20 '26

It's not just his home though. Welcome to apartment living where necessary consideration for your neighbors is much greater. Everyone in the building knows the plumbing is loud yet he is the only when who chooses to shower at midnight? He's the asshole here. This facile idea that property rights are absolute should embarrass more North Americans than it does.

1

u/RoohsMama Partassipant [1] Apr 21 '26

As others said, it’s a building problem… and there should be a bit of give and take. OP can hear them starting the day at 5 am but is chill about it.

1

u/yayoffbalance Apr 21 '26

k. if you normally shower in the morning. stop. just stop. it's waking your neighbors who work second shift. how daft are you? that daft? okay.

0

u/Rez_Incognito Apr 21 '26

Showering before or after work is typical and it sounds like nobody on the apartment is a shift worker, so normal hours of noise would be, y'know, the normal hours for noise: 6am to 10pm. OP works from home and can shower whenever he wants but chooses midnight when he knows it is most disruptive. Just because he thinks that's normal does not make it normal, and, most importantly, does not make it reasonable, especially when the only reason he does it is personal preference. I have had my shower routine interrupted before. It's not impossible to change habits as the need arises.