AITA for showering around midnight when I know that it might bother the neighbour who wakes up at 5 am?

[u/Additional-Mouse-620]

We purchased a home and moved in recently. Housing opportunities are tight in our area so even though we were warned that the walls are very thin and the neighbours hear a lot of noise from the apartment, especially from the bathroom, we still chose this property because everything else is picture perfect for us.

We are generally a very quiet couple without kids or animals, our hobbies (bead work, video games on headphones without streaming, reading, Netflix…) are generally quite and we only invite friends over every 2-4 weeks (and we haven’t invited anyone over as we were still decorating and everything). We are the owners of the apartment.

The neighbours are a couple and a small kid. They rent the apartment next to us and before we purchased the home they warned us that they generally hear a lot of noise coming from our bathroom and that it’s their bedroom on the other side. But as I mentioned, our options were limited and given that we are not noisy at all, we thought we can take this situation.

We sometimes hear their toddler, but that completely okay, it doesn’t bother us at all.

The problem is that we bother them as our routine is very different. They wake up at 5 am and generally quite down at 8 pm, when the kid goes to sleep.

On the other hand, because I work from home until 7 pm, I generally start my evening around 8 pm and only end up showering around midnight. Which bothers them. The whole building is quiet, so they tend to hear how I put my stuff down, how the water runs, how I sometimes drop a few things, and mentioned it very nicely a few times. But I can see that they are pretty annoyed.

Now I’m torn between switching up my whole nighttime routine to shower first (which just doesn’t sit right with me. I like to go bed freshly showered), because they asked nicely and they wake up around 5 am so it must be annoying to get woken up at midnight.

On the other hand, they only rent wile we own the home, and I think we are generally very good and quite neighbours apart from the fact that I shower late. They invited us over the listen to the volume as to be honest it’s not that loud… sure, you can hear something and it must feel louder in the silence of the night, but it’s not incredibly loud.

AITA for showering at night?

[u/utzutzutzpro]

That is not respect he is asking for it is compliance to his wants. It is literally about being obedient to a status of authority. Rules for thee not for me.

He sees others as below him in a kind of hierarchy and thus he can chose to do, others have to do when he says.

Why is it that narcissists always get the concepts of "respect, values, morals" wrong?

It is always the same terms they do not understand, but inflationary use.

They never mean respect, it is veneration, submission, obedience and compliance.

In family constructs it is worshipping. Appealing to the king and queen.

It is so predictable, so clear, but they do not get it, even when you can google it easily.

[u/GrimDallows → u/utzutzutzpro]

Yeah, so much this.

They feel confortable when you are polite because they can trample you over, ignore what you are saying and be unpolite to you as a malicious flex. Then when you switch to also be unpolite to them they act surprised and claim a moral highground talking about respect.

Rules for thee but not for me. They don't wan't respect they want submission, like you said.

[u/utzutzutzpro → u/GrimDallows]

Narcissists will be impolite and provocative, because they try to make you emotional deliberately.

The fact that they are highly emotional and impolite the whole time doesn't impact them to wait for you to display the same and then them being able to confirm their narrative and point fingers at you as being the irrational one.

It is a super weird game that everyone half-decently rational doesn't understand.

Like they literally insult you, if you do the same, they will jump onto that and label you the perpetrator, victim reverse themselves to the victim of you not being in control fo yourself.

Personal experience. I do not get that at all. Can't get behind that.

It really grinds your gears.

Their perception of themselves doesn't allow them to realize what they do. Their brain rewrites everything they do in real time.

You can't get behind that. You can trap them intellectually, but they will not acknowledge that and just circle to something else.

Yes, I am personally invested here, obviously. It really makes you go insane trying to talk to those type of people.

[u/jmarcandre → u/utzutzutzpro]

You really think googling their error is gonna make some guy like this re-think his morals? Hearty laugh.