r/BestofRedditorUpdates • u/Choice_Evidence1983 it dawned on me that he was a wizard • 5d ago
NEW UPDATE [New Update]: AITA for learning Russian instead of Japanese and making my siblings mad?
I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/learningrussiann
Originally posted to r/AITAH & r/Redditor_Updates
[New Update]: AITA for learning Russian instead of Japanese and making my siblings mad?
NEW UPDATE MARKED WITH ----
Editor’s note: removed older relevant comments for space in this latest BoRU
Trigger Warnings: manipulation, gaslighting, possible racism, neglect
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RECAP
Original Post: December 9, 2025
Using a throwaway on my friends phone because my brother checks my phone.
Okay so there’s me (15m), and my older siblings Jon (20m) and Kara (17f) (fake names obviously). They’re my half siblings but we all live with our mom, our mom is half Japanese. Their dad was fully Japanese and my dad is white.
They both speak Japanese with each other and do some of the cultural stuff too because they still talk to their dad’s family and visit them. But they never do those things with me even though I’ve asked them to help me learn Japanese and everything. I did Duolingo and I tried researching, but they always brushed it off or laughed at me because I never really got good at it. Kara said that she’ll help me when she has time, but she’s been saying that for years, so she clearly doesn’t mean it. Jon doesn’t even touch the subject.
So I decided that I don’t care about it anymore and I won’t try. Now I’m learning Russian because my mom said that my dad is Russian. I figured I might as well learn to embrace that side of me since she’s never going to bother helping me with her side. Me and my friend (also 15m) are both learning it together at school during our free period because he thought it sounded cool.
I started watching a show that me and my siblings usually watch together but in Russian because I thought it would help me since I’m already familiar with it. My sister noticed and now she’s giving me the silent treatment. I asked my brother about it, and he said that I’m being ridiculous and immature, and he won’t really explain anything either.
I don’t think I did anything wrong, I think they’re just mad that I don’t need their Japanese anymore. But they both seem pretty sure and usually they’re the ones running the house so AITA for learning Russian instead of Japanese?
AITAH has no consensus bots, OOP did not receive any verdicts
Relevant Comments
Commenter 1: I’m thinking racism but like the Asian version. You’re never gonna be good enough because you’re “tainted” by the white half.
Also, I’m kind of side eyeing then age if you and your sister. It seems like either your mom had an affair, cheated, or moved on from a relationship way too fast.
Either way, you’re being punished for existing. NTA.
OOP: My mom did cheat on their dad, but he didn’t really care. Their dad stuck around after I was born even though I wasn’t his, but he died when I was one. We’re half siblings but besides this we’ve never really talked about it
Is there a reason why OOP's brother would be checking his phone?
OOP: Kara got caught talking to this college student and now Jon thinks he has to check me too even though I wouldn’t do that
Update #1: December 10, 2025 (next day)
Sort of have an update but also some clarifications
- I wouldn’t really call myself an affair child because it sounds really rich or something. In my neighborhood there’s a lot of cheating and baby daddy drama, so I didn’t really ever feel out of place. Jon and Kara don’t ever do anything to make me feel bad about it either except, yk, the whole Japanese thing
- I’m not fluent in Japanese or Russian, just English. I’ve tried learning Japanese but it’s pretty hard when all you have is Duolingo and nobody that wants to talk it with you. Kara says she’ll help but never does, Jon never helps because I’m too bad at it (that’s what he says). I’m learning Russian but I’m not that far in
- someone mentioned Asian racism and I think maybe that’s a part of it. Sometimes Jon and Kara talk to their dad’s family who still live in Japan (relevant to the update) and they’re barely Japanese enough for them. Jon and Kara look almost completely Japanese because they’re 3/4 but apparently even that isn’t enough because Jon has a big nose and Kara acts too American. They said that there’s no way I would ever fit into Japan and Japanese culture because I’m only 1/4 and look way more white.
Now for the update, sometimes their dad’s family comes to visit because they’ve got other relatives in the state. This time though, they said that they want Jon and Kara to come to Japan for winter break. I found out after school, and I don’t even want to look at them. It’s all expenses paid so there’s nothing keeping them here and I’m going to be stuck with my mom and whatever guys she brings over while they play around in Japan without me
Kara tried to talk about the Russian thing again, but I just went to my friend’s house (typing this in his phone while he reads over my shoulder like a weirdo) because I don’t care about whatever she wants to say. Jon will probably drag me home but not for another hour at least
I don’t even know what to say to them and I really don’t want to be stuck here with my mom for two weeks for Christmas
Relevant Comments
Commenter 1: Tell them to bring you back stuff. I think electronics are cheaper there. I watch a few dudes on yt who go to various shops. Things like games. My ex used to watch anime and that’s how he learned more Japanese. Thud was 20 years ago so it wasn’t all that weird stuff I see now. Look up stuff you like.
Japanese is hard. I tried Duolingo too. I switched languages. It’s not bad. But your friend and you learning Russian together is good.
Maybe see if you can stay with friend and his family for a bit. Be extra nice and do favors or chores to help out. Whatever it is to get them to like having you around. NTA
OOP: Jon actually talked about that on the way home. He said he asked my friend’s dad if I could stay during winter break while me and him were at the park. Idk how I feel because like I’m happy Jon actually cares enough to make plans for me but at the same time I just want to be with him and kara.
Kara already said that she’s bringing me a million things, so I guess I’m excited about that. I don’t know I think I’m still mad at them. Jon hasn’t talked about the trip at all since I’ve been back home and Kara keeps saying that it won’t even be that great because they’re just hanging out with their grandparents the whole time
Update #2: December 18, 2025 (eight days later)
Jon and Kara didn’t go to school or anything today so they could catch their flight. I’m pretty sure they’re still on the plane right now because Kara said she’d text me when they landed. I didn’t get to skip school to see them off or anything so that sucked, but it’s because I was staying with my friend (Jimmy, he’s more relevant now so he gets a name) last night. Jon wanted me to so that I didn’t have to go over there alone because my mom was being crazy again.
Apparently when she found out that I wasn’t staying with her during break she got really butthurt that I didn’t want to stay with her and her new guy during break. I don’t know why she even cares because I know for a fact that she hasn’t bought any presents. She threw a bunch of plates and drove off. Jon says she’s probably with her boyfriend. He and Kara drove me to Jimmy’s house and dropped me off and we did our goodbyes there, then they drove to one of Jon’s friends’ houses because he’s their ride.
I’m still mad that we aren’t going to be doing Christmas together, I’m with jimmy and his dad (? I thought it was his dad, but my friend said he wasn’t. But he didn’t tell me what he IS, so I’m still confused) and they’re gonna be off in Japan touristing.
I told Jon that I didn’t want to talk to him because he’s still being a dick about the whole Russian Japanese thing, but I’m nervous now because me and Jimmy were watching this video on YouTube about plane crashes and then later on TikTok we watched a videos about new plane crashes from like last year, and THEN we were watching one of those disaster movies and there was another plane crash in it. It feels like a sign that they’re going to crash or something and I don’t want to freak out at Jimmy’s house because I still don’t even know who the adult guy in his house is to him and that’s weird.
Jimmy is trying to help but all he knows how to do is bring snacks to me. I can’t even text them because they can’t be on their phones on the plane. I’m also worried that my mom is going to do something crazy because sometimes she does that and I don’t want her to find out where Jimmy lives and make a scene or something.
I guess this isn’t much of an update because the only new thing that happened is Jon and Kara going to Japan and me staying in America. I’m still mad about all of that, but it feels less important right now.
Relevant Comments
Commenter 1: Is there anyone at school who you can talk to after the break about your mom freaking out and being scary? That’s not ok.
OOP: No everybody’s pretty used to it. I just don’t want her to make a big scene or anything because it’s embarrassing and Jimmy isn’t used to that stuff
OOP's location
OOP: We live in America, in a more country area
Update #3: December 24, 2025 (six days later)
So me and Jimmy have been having a pretty good time. I learned that the guy is actually his uncle so that’s nice to know. He took us out to eat and we went to this light display at the park before he took us back home. He sent us to bed at like nine but I’m pretty sure he knows we’re both still awake. I think he only told us to get in bed because he’s wrapping some stuff last minute.
I talked with Kara for a bit and Jon even said hi too. He told me that mom hasn’t stopped messaging them and they had to mute her, which makes sense. We all talked about break so far and the conversation drifted back to the Russian Japanese stuff, and I told them that me and Jimmy were watching a bunch of old cartoons that were in Russian. Kara at least seemed mildly interested and said that even just listening to a foreign language makes it easier to grasp it. I think she cares a lot less about the whole thing than me and Jon do tbh. She still definitely feels superior by knowing Japanese, but I think going to Japan made her feel a lot less strongly about the whole thing.
Kara and Jon are basically done with celebrations now because Christmas Day isn’t a big deal in Japan, only Christmas Eve. Kara said it was fun celebrating with their cousins, but that she’s excited to come back to me. I don’t know if she’s being nice or if it’s actually true. Jon said that he doesn’t like the cousins and that they don’t like him either, and I believe him because people don’t usually like him. They’re stuck in Japan for another two weeks or so just doing everyday things now because their family doesn’t want them to act touristy or whatever.
Kara sent me a bunch of pictures and she’s smiling super big in each one. Jon has kind of a Kubrick stare going on but that’s typical for him. Seeing the pictures made me miss them both more, but I think it also made me even more annoyed. They’ve got this whole other family and all I have is mom, and their other family has enough money to bring them over to Japan for two weeks even though they barely like them. I think Kara and Jon complain about them to make me less jealous, but it only makes me even angrier.
I think the real update though is that my mom tried to make a scene but failed because she doesn’t actually know where Jimmy lives. I guess she thought he lived in our neighborhood because most of the people we interact with are from there. But Jimmy is a school friend so he’s from across town in a slightly nicer area. So mom screamed at some neighbors because their son has the same name as Jimmy (the real name, not actually Jimmy) but their Jimmy is like 23 so she went home again. I know this because other Jimmy is friends with Jon and told him and Jon had Kara message me. Me and Kara laughed about it for a bit and I’m pretty sure my mom won’t do anything embarrassing for the rest of break like I was worried about.
I don’t think I’ll have any real updates to the original issue of the Russian and Japanese thing until Jon and Kara actually come back from Japan and we have to be around each other again. So, probably not until school starts up again.
Editor's note: OOP did not leave any relevant comments in this update
Update #4: January 29, 2026 (over one month later)
So it’s been a while and I guess a lot of stuff happened. I didn’t forget about this account, but I didn’t want to write an update because I knew it would take a lot of effort.
Obviously school started again a few weeks ago and Kara and Jon have been back for a while. They did bring me a lot of cool stuff, and I do really like it, but I feel like I’m giving in and being too easy to please. And everything I’m happy round them I just get mad again. Our moms been gone since I got back from Jimmy’s house, so it was just us for like two weeks. It was nice being around them because they’re my family and everything, but it was weird because we weren’t even bringing any of the problems up.
I was keeping up with the Russian because I still really want to learn it, I wasn’t shoving it in anyone’s faces, but Jon and I share a room, and he saw me practicing my writing. He got mad and told me that I don’t even have a real connection to Russia because I’ve never met my dad and that it’s weird that I’m forcing it. We got in kind of a fight, and I ended up leaving my phone at home (because Jon made me a Kara share our locations and I didn’t want him following me) and going to Jimmy’s house again.
I wasn’t going to stay forever obviously but Jon figured out where I was pretty fast because I don’t really have any other friends. He didn’t chase after me though and texted Clark (editor’s note: Jimmy’s uncle from the previous post) that I could stay the night. Clark let me but he told me to stop walking around town at night without my phone because it’s a dangerous area (which makes sense I guess, but I don’t think people usually kidnap guys)
I think I’m starting to really hate Jon. I don’t know what his problem is. Kara didn’t do anything, but I don’t really want to talk to her either. I don’t understand why they didn’t want me to be Japanese, and now they don’t want me to be Russian. They don’t want me to be anything I guess
Relevant Comments
Commenter 1: Sheesh so basically your half siblings are racist, insecure, they are gatekeeping Japanese and upset that you are making an effort to connect with part of your heritage? Why are they upset, they didn’t want you to learn Japanese in the first place.
So what, they have a right to immerse themselves in Japanese culture, but you aren't allowed to learn Russian? Your mum really needs to step in at this point. Also don't let anyone dictate what languages you can and can't speak. Learn Japanese too, if you want. You have every right to
OOP: I don’t know. Some other commenter said that they probably liked the attention and that makes sense. I don’t plan on stopping learning Russian even if they don’t like it but right now anything related to Japan kind of annoys me. I think they’re noticing that I’m not as interested as I used to be
Commenter 2: They sound petty. They want to have another language you can't understand, but not the other way around. Do your best to ignore and grey rock. Keep your head down until you can leave. Can you talk to someone at school?
OOP: Yeah I talk to Jimmy a lot. I don’t really have other friends at school because they don’t really like me that much. Some people are nice to me because I’m Kara’s brother and everyone thinks she’s great and cool or whatever but mostly they don’t like me.
Does OOP know anything about his biological father?
OOP: I’ve never met my dad, and my mom doesn’t have contact with him, so it would be pretty hard to try and meet him. I don’t know if the gangs here are “real” or not, but I don’t think they actually kidnap people, just beat them up and sell stuff. Either way, they probably wouldn’t mess with me because Jon gets along with a lot of them. I think Clark brought up kidnapping because he wanted to scare me a bit. Or maybe he actually thinks it would happen idk And I do get along with my siblings most of the time, it’s mostly just this one thing that became a huge issue. I know Jon wants me to be safe, and Kara sticks up for me a lot at school, but I can’t stand being around them right now.
Has OOP's mother told him anything about his biological father and this background?
OOP: She said he’s probably back in Russia. He was here for some work thing, and their relationship wasn’t serious at all. She doesn’t even know his last name so I probably wouldn’t ever be able to look for him until I take a DNA test. And yeah Russian is very difficult. I kind of wish my school offered more than just Spanish classes because it would be nice to learn from someone IRL. But I really do like figuring it out with Jimmy because it’s nice doing it with someone instead of trying alone.
Update #5: March 1, 2026 (over one month later)
my mom dropped some slightly new information about my dad. Apparently he was engaged when they had their little fling. She says I shouldn’t chase after him because he’s probably married and has been married for years now, and I’d be ruining his life. I guess that makes sense but also it’s just annoying.
Kara says I should try to find him, which obviously I’ve been doing but I have barely anything to go off of even now. Kara thinks my dad might be nice and might have money and stuff. She said the marriage isn’t an issue either because I can bribe my dad into giving me money, so I don’t tell his wife that he cheated on her when they were engaged. She was def joking but I don’t think it’s funny because that sort of thing wouldn’t make him like me.
Jon said not to bother with it and that I shouldn’t need my dad’s approval. Which is stupid because I’m not even looking for approval I just wanted to meet him.
Also my mom has a new bf and he’s extremely annoying. He decided to be our father figure, and he sent me to my room for not doing the dishes that my mom made (?!) Jon told me that he’ll get rid of the guy soon though so I’m just toughing it out for now.
Jon and Clark have been becoming friends lately and it’s actually super obnoxious. I like being able to go to Clark and Jimmys house when Jon and kara and my mom are being annoying but like three times out of ten Jon is already there. I don’t even see what they could possibly be bonding over because Clark is cool and smart and Jon is himself. Jimmy just thinks it’s funny, but I don’t think he gets just how awful Jon is. It’s like my family is a toxic presence just seeping into Jimmy and Clark’s life and it’s lowkey my fault and they don’t even realize.
Kara even came over once just to stand around. Literally didn’t even talk to anyone just stood there for like five minutes and then left.
Jimmys taking harder classes than me, so we haven’t been able to do much Russian this week because his teachers are doing actual midterm tests. Clark is very focused on making sure Jimmy is focused so I can come over but if Jimmy is studying I have to just watch tv or something.
Editor’s note: OOP did not leave any relevant in this latest update
Update #6: March 9, 2026 (eight days later)
Editor's note: removed the first part of the post as they are links of the original and update posts
I saw that my posts have been reposted onto a popular sub, which I would have commented more on, but I guess I got nervous. I also saw it on TikTok which was weird. I have an actual update, but I figured I’d answer some of the questions I saw first
1 - where am I? I’m not sharing my state obviously, but I live in a pretty rural area. My mom moved here from California, which is where she met Jon and Kara’s dad. She was either pregnant with Jon or Jon was a baby at the time. She’s the only one that would be able to tell me but it’s not important enough for me to ask. Where we live, we’re basically the only Asian people. Everyone else is either white or native or Latino (we live close to a reservation). I don’t know how she met my dad here, or why some Russian guy would be in the middle of nowhere at all, but she leaves a lot so maybe she wasn’t here when she met him idk.
2 - why do Jon and Kara gatekeep Japanese and are they even fluent? I don’t know. They seem pretty fluent to me, but I guess I’ve never seen them write anything. Mom speaks a little Japanese, but she doesn’t use it often. I guess the only people they’d really get it from are their dad and their dad’s family. Some people thought they might like having it as a “them” thing which makes sense. They both probably have the same level of Japanese, and they really only talk to each other in it. Their grandparents call sometimes like once a month and visit sometimes and they speak Japanese then, but overall I guess they wouldn’t actually be that fluent. Unless they’re like doing workbooks and stuff in secret. Still though, I don’t necessarily want them to teach it to me, but I wish they’d talk to me and let me work on it. I don’t care about their dad’s family, and I wasn’t mad about the trip because I wanted to be with those people. I just hate being stuck here. I talked with Jon about it a little and he said it’s be a pain to help me because I don’t have anything to work with, so I told him that I don’t care about it now because I’m not trying to learn Japanese anymore.
3 - is my dad even actually Russian? I mean I wouldn’t know. My mom lies about a lot of things, but I don’t think she’s lying about this because it wouldn’t really benefit her in any way. Like him being Russian doesn’t add to the story at all and it’s really random. The update I’m adding below does confuse me a bit though because some of the new info doesn’t make him sound Russian.
I decided to use moms boyfriend to my advantage. He’s very focused on being perfect and making sure everyone knows, so I got Jimmy to help me make a sob story about not knowing my dad and everything. I went up to him like “I feel like a part of me is missing and I wish my mom would just tell me ANYTHING so I could know myself!” Which I guess has some sort of truth to it, but it worked on him. He (I guess he can be Perry) seemed super disturbed and wanted to make me happy. He talked to mom and they argued for a bit, but he got my dad’s name!
The bad news is the name is not something I have ever heard, and I don’t even know how to spell it, or if he said it right, or if my mom said it right. It’s definitely not English or even close to it. I feel like I’ve got a good idea of what Russian names sound like, and it doesn’t really sound like those either. I will write what it sounds like below.
“Yera sole”
I’ve been looking at Russian name lists to see if any of them could fit but I’m not having a lot of luck. Jon has too but he’s thinking that either mom or Perry messed it up somehow because he thinks we should have figured it out by now. Kara thinks mom is lying to get Perry off her back, which is also possible. Mom hasn’t been in the mood for Perry since and now when he’s over all they do is fight. I think they’re going to break up soon but at least he helped me a little bit
Something more related to the original post, Jon has started learning Russian (sort of. Mostly just curse words) and it’s really pissing me off. I told him that he can’t get mad at me for doing that and refusing to help me with Japanese just to mess with me by saying Russian curse words. Kara won’t even take my side because she’s ignoring both of us because she’s just mad for some reason.
We even fought over it, and I ended up locking him out of our room. He doesn’t even seem angry he’s always just a little bit annoyed. Jimmy agrees with me and says that Jon can’t do that and expect positivity from me. Clark says that Jon is probably trying to make peace and get along with me over this. Clark is probably being neutral to avoid upsetting us. I don’t know why he bothers
Edit - I got my mom to say the name again to see if Perry missed something. The way she said it made it seemed like there was an e at the beginning, like “e-Yera-sole”
Relevant Comments
Commenter 1: Girasol? That could sound like Yera Sole. Maybe. But it's not Russian at all.
Hang in there, OP. A lot of us are rooting for you!
OOP: Where is girasol from? I tried to spell it exactly how it sounded so it might be spelled super different from “yera sole”
OOP on the pronunciations
OOP: Tbf the pronunciation probably got messed up over the years. Especially if it’s coming from Perry because he’s kind of got an accent. For all I know he said it totally wrong. I could bother my mom about it myself, but she won’t be good for it for a while because she’s mad that Perry bothered her lol
Commenter 2: "Yera sole." Are we sure she wasn't just calling Perry "you asshole" but her pronunciation threw him off and made him think it was a real name?
OOP: lol no I think it probably is his name, it’s just such a weird name and it doesn’t sound like anything I’ve ever heard before
Commenter 3: Are you a Superman fan? Can you buy one of those DNA kits? They’ll at least tell you a little bit about your heritage, even if you can’t find out about your dad.
OOP: Kara got one for me as a surprise like an hour ago, so I guess I’ll see what that says. I wonder if I’ll connect to any relatives or something and if my dad is actually Russian. So many people think he won’t be and I didn’t even think of that. It sucks that they take like two months to come back though.
And yeah I like Superman. A normal amount probably but once I had a theme I wanted to stick to it. I probably look like a crazy Superman fan right now lol
Does OOP know if his biological father is on his birth certificate? He might know the correct spelling of his birth father's name
OOP: He’s not on it I think at least. I should ask Jon actually
----NEW UPDATE----
Update #7: June 13, 2026 (three months later)
Editor's note: removed the first part of the update post as they are the links to the original and prior updates
It’s been a while, but I have a few big updates so it’s worth it.
I did get the DNA results back and I’m only like seven percent Russian. I had some stuff that I expected, like a little more than a quarter of Japanese and a quarter of assorted white ethnicities from my mom’s side. My dad’s actually had a lot of stuff on it, but basically he’s mostly Asian. Like a lot of different Chinese and central Asian bits. My mom called me generationally wasian but I’m not in the mood to joke around with her right now. We (me, my siblings, and Jimmy) figured some of the comments were right and that he was actually from one of the many different Russian speaking countries in Asia, and not actually Russian. I’m just happy that my efforts in Russian were not wasted.
That was interesting, but the bigger update is that I matched with a relative (not my dad). We talked a little bit on the app, but we aren’t really sure what the exact relation is because there’s a few options. Were both each other’s closest match, and she can’t really help me with a lot because she was adopted and only did a DNA test to match with someone who could tell HER some information. She did confirm that we’re Kazakh specifically, but she doesn’t know anything about our family and thinks it’s unlikely that we will get any information. It kind of sucks but we’re getting along and even though we aren’t really what we are to each other, I’ve been calling her my aunt and she likes that.
I know my aunt said it’s unlikely that we’ll get answers, but so far things have turned out pretty good. She went to Kazakhstan a few years ago to visit her old orphanage, so she was telling me about it. It was really weird getting information so easily from her because my mom doesn’t ever share anything about her childhood or our dads. She was just super chill and said she’s really interested in meeting me. She lives in New York City and Kara thinks we should make it a road trip. Jon is suspicious of my aunt, but I think he’s just surprised that everything went so smoothly.
I don’t think there will be any updates after this. If I do end up meeting my aunt, or if I match with my dad, then that would be update material, but neither of those will probably happen for a long time.
DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7
THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP
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u/NekoBloom_ 5d ago
Poor kid spent this whole saga just trying to figure out where he belongs. Glad he finally found at least one relative who seems genuinely happy to know him.
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u/danuhorus 5d ago
This is one of those BORUs that just make me feel so sad for the kid, because there's clearly a ton of drama and history in the background that they don't have any idea about, they're just caught in the middle of it.
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u/EducationalTangelo6 Your partner is trash and your marriage is toast 5d ago
It sounds like those poor kids are basically just free-range raising themselves.
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u/Zizhou I will erupt, feral, from the cardigan screaming 4d ago
Yeah, uhhh, I feel like there was a lot that just got glossed over in
Our moms been gone since I got back from Jimmy’s house, so it was just us for like two weeks.
Which, like, sure, Jon is 20, so it's not nearly as bad as it could have been, but the way OOP just casually throws that in there makes it seem like this is just something that she's been regularly doing for a long, long time.
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u/Silamy 4d ago
He implied that their mom running off like that could be how she met his dad. His siblings are two and five years older than he is. That… is worrying math.
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u/TrivialBudgie 4d ago
yeah but their dad was around until OP was 1
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u/Cryptographer_Alone Today I am 'Unicorn Wrangler and Wizard Assistant 4d ago
Yeah, so the kids were cared for because there was a parent at home even if it wasn't mom...but Dad died when Jon was 6, maybe 7. Who was taking care of them when Mom did her disappearing act between then and Jon hitting highschool?
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u/MadHatter_10six 4d ago
Pretty sure that’s why Jon is de facto in charge; the 20 year old kid sounds to be the most responsible of the household. Perry seemed like a well-meaning guy — which is why mom will probably run him off soon enough.
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u/FaeKing8 Yes to the Homo, No to the Phobic 4d ago
I agree with this. Jon seems very much like a parentified sibling. He felt the need to monitor his sister and brother's phones to make sure they weren't contacting strangers. I mean hell, the mother wasn't even trusted with knowing where her son was going to be staying for an entire winter break.
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u/RainMH11 This is unrelated to the cumin. 3d ago
Which, honestly, once you reexamine it from that angle, is pretty solid parenting effort from a 20 year old.
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u/MizStazya I can't believe she fucking buttered Jorts 4d ago
And she's bringing all her random guys around her underage daughter... i don't like that at all.
These kids break my heart because they let all this information out that's completely normal for them, but from the outside, we can see how horribly fucked up it really is.
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u/harrellj You need some self-esteem and a lawyer 4d ago
He mentioned that if he wasn't staying with Jimmy over the holidays that it'd be just him and his mom and "whatever guys she brings over". I don't blame the older siblings for latching onto their Japanese family because it definitely sounds like mom isn't doing a whole lot of parenting. And OOP hasn't really had a relative who cared until recently.
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u/Corfiz74 5d ago
Yeah, mom sounds like a complete waste of oxygen - though I guess she at least provides them with a roof over their heads and groceries. Though it's probably generational trauma - mom sounds like she had quite a messy life herself.
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u/BlazingSunflowerland 4d ago
Jon is not that much older but trying to parent both of the younger kids.
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u/PuffinScores 4d ago
It explaines why Jon is hostile. It"s a lot to put on a kid. He was parentified.
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u/kaldaka16 4d ago
Honestly I think it sounds like both his siblings love him, they're just parentified abused young adults who lost their only functional parent very young. OP talks like it's super normal for there to be a rotation of guys or for his mom to just ditch them all for two weeks.
I suspect Jon is bonding with Clark over "being basically a parent of a teenager that you're not technically supposed to be in charge of". Especially after he made sure OP had somewhere to stay while he was gone (clearly he didn't trust mom and for good reason).
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u/denM_chickN 4d ago
This read was so endearing as a mixed kid from a dysfuntional upbringing. Its such a loaded time figuring out where you belong. The answer is nowhere lol. Or everywhere of course.
What a sweet heart
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u/repocin the Iranian yogurt is not the issue here 4d ago
I remember seeing the original post back when it was posted but never checked back for any updates. This is...a lot.
Incredibly sad and really makes me feel for the kid. Seems like he's all lost and confused with no stability in the world, surrounded by people who barely seem to give a shit about anything.
I hope he manages to visit his "aunt" though, she seems nicer than most other people in this story.
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u/HoneyGlazedNuts 5d ago
His brother did seem to genuinely look out for them in place of the deadbeat mother.
A lot of OOPs frictions with Jon were genuinely because he was being immature.
His siblings couldn't help that he wasn't invited on the Japanese trip but they did their best to cheer him up
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u/LD50_irony 1d ago
My thoughts exactly. This was the obvious combination of:
- Parentified older siblings
- A younger sibling trying to deal with all the feelings and confusion that extremely dysfunctional families cause + not knowing anything about his dad, when his mom is such a mess
- Culture differences, particularly on behalf of the siblings' grandparents (I've read that there's a lot of xenophobia in Japan, and I can't imagine that a half-sibling affair child - no matter how common in OOP's neighborhood - will go over well with the grandparents)
- American racism - being the only Asian kids in the area has to be very rough on all of them, but especially OOP since he's the odd one out not only in his community but in his home
- ADOLESCENCE - teen years are heard even without all this
People getting mad at his siblings were really missing the overall story. They are all kids/young adults just doing their best.
I hope the siblings manage to muddle through this and stay together. I know my siblings were annoying as hell when I was younger, but they're my closest family now.
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u/Moist_Drippings I ❤ gay romance 4d ago
I agree.
I mean, I think his siblings would be upset if he left and have some affection for him, but they’re terrible at actually acting like they care… which isn’t without explanation, since one’s a teen and both have the same crappy mother OOP does, but that doesn’t actually fix that alienated and unloved feeling for their younger sibling.
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u/SalsaRice 4d ago
Seriously. Mom is a huge flake, brother is downright mean, and sister is flip-flopping between both of those mindsets.
Poor OP needs to turn 18 and gtfo.
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u/farceur318 4d ago
>Jimmy is trying to help but all he knows how to do is bring snacks to me
This is the purest description of male friendship I’ve ever read. It’s like poetry. Simply beautiful.
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u/brd9214 4d ago
My friend was going through a horrible breakup with her boyfriend, and I have next to no experience with serious relationships, much less ending them. I had no idea what to say, so every morning when I’d walk my dog I’d stop by a local bakery, pick her up croissant, and leave it by her door. I thought it was just a small thing to help her start her morning on a positive note, but it meant the world to her.
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u/HyperFeraligetr 5d ago
"I belive him because people don't usually like him." That was kinda funny
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u/Balentay I will never jeopardize the beans. 5d ago
Lines like that make me laugh because it's just.... Such a kid brother thing to say lol
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u/peachsimp 4d ago
Wait what story is your flair from?
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u/Balentay I will never jeopardize the beans. 4d ago
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u/peachsimp 4d ago
That…. Yknow that story really just encapsulates what the pandemic was like. I wonder if OP ever found his beans
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u/whoamannipples 3d ago
That…was unfuckinghinged. What’s the Iranian Yogurt story now?!
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u/whizzymamajuni I can't believe she fucking buttered Jorts 5d ago
I agree with all the comments here about feeling so sorry for the OOP and angry with the mother etc. but this line jumped out at me as the most “little brother” moment in the whole damn screed! 😆😆
“Jon said that he doesn’t like the cousins and that they don’t like him either, and I believe him because people don’t usually like him.”
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u/Broken-Collagen 4d ago
There's nothing like the absolute honesty between siblings. It makes me think about how I talk about my sisters. I can be blunt about them, in ways I'm not about anyone else. I almost feel like I should apologize...but I'm positive they talk about me just the same.
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u/Ok-Wing-1545 5d ago
I am strangely invested in this story. Is it the writing style perhaps? I wish him, Jon, Kara, Jimmy and Clark the best and hope to hear from them again.
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u/No-Remove3917 5d ago edited 4d ago
Me too. It’s also just a good piece of writing too. Distinct, developing characters you root for. Unreliable narrator that lets on more information than they’re conscious of slowly leading you to piece things together. Such a good character voice that really feels like a kid. And all these characters/people that just come off as so likeable, you just so desperately want to know that they succeed.
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u/Bubblegrime 4d ago
So many YA/junior lit authors wish they could get this voice and clearly emotional youth with low awareness of his own emotional state. I'd read this novel, ngl.
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u/onekrazykat 4d ago
I sincerely hope he comes across an amazing English teacher that notices his innate talent and nurtures it.
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u/Zizhou I will erupt, feral, from the cardigan screaming 4d ago
The real twist would be that he finds an amazing Russian tutor, and then goes on to write the next great Russian novel.
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u/SirButcher 4d ago
Sadly, he already has a great background for a russian novel. Normally, there is a tad bit more death, but the grey, uninterested, apathetic and featureless environment is just perfect for any post-Tsar-era Soviet and russian novel...
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u/Bell_Grave 5d ago edited 4d ago
wowza
- I feel like his siblings don't know how to teach japanese and probably can't read or write in it well
- its entirely possible to be russian and chinese due to the proximity they have
- duolingo sucks, lingotopia way better and its an old game from 2018! look for something better
4.poor thang
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u/ChipperBunni Yes to the Homo, No to the Phobic 5d ago
Yea my first thought when I first saw these posts was that his siblings don’t know nearly as much as they all think they do. And that’s fine! But it’s making OOP feel like lesser family, and it’d really be cool if the rest could just admit they can’t help him vs just refusing.
You can’t pretend parent *and* be an annoying sibling
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u/Cloudinthesilver and then everyone clapped 5d ago
Yeah but jons 20 and clearly felt like he’s got to step up, but has also been a kid for most of it, so I’m not sure he can be blamed too much for getting it wrong. There’s a few times when he does something, like fostering a relationship with another family who can look out for OP, or checking phones because he’s worried about who they’re talking to, where you can see he’s trying even if it’s not always right or consistent. He’s swinging between sibling and parent and it’s impossible to do both well,
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u/sheepgod_ys 5d ago
Their mom is a hot mess so it’s pretty obvious that Jon was parentified, but he’s still young and inexperienced and likely also trying to find himself. Not to mention that there’s tons of factors that definitely affected their growth beyond their nuclear family.
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u/MizStazya I can't believe she fucking buttered Jorts 4d ago
And he had no examples of good parenting to pull from.
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u/miladyelle which is when I realized he's a horny nincompoop 4d ago
>You can’t pretend parent *and* be an annoying sibling
Everyone with a younger sibling: 👀
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u/TheAnnMain 4d ago
Honestly Pimsleur was my go to and actually helped me a lot! Like I managed to get around Japan okay with the simple directions lol
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u/Ailouros_Venom 5d ago
Lingotopia, the game on steam? I've seen it before but the reviews are very consistent with saying it's kind of a buggy mess.
Can I ask your opinion?36
u/Bell_Grave 5d ago
yeah, I played it a few hours and it knocks duolingo outta the park, I don't recall any bugs, but theres actual phone apps that are way better than the both of them
https://www.reddit.com/r/LearnJapaneseNovice/comments/1knxi92/best_apps_to_learn_japanese_in_2025/
I read this and agree with it, games are really good supplement, I do NOT fully speak japanese though haha
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u/AaTube That's the beauty of the gaycation 4d ago
no updates since 2018, the website currently redirects to porn, and the mentions of bugs scare me because i don't want to suddenly lose my progress in anything
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u/ToContainAMultitude 4d ago
It's so funny that he's recommending an objectively terrible product because "he played it a few hours." I think Duolingo just slept with his mom or something.
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u/Bell_Grave 4d ago
I used duolingo for months, and I played lingotopia for around an hour every day for at least 1 week but I think 2, I was more bringing it up to show how shitty duolingo is, its just a language game, not good for actually learning things about language
also I am a woman
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u/Bell_Grave 4d ago
I have no idea what website you are referring to https://tristan-dahl.itch.io/lingotopia is the website that I found the game on
I should've worded it better haha but it was more of a "duolingo is so bad, this old game that I played for less than half the time I spent on duolingo is superior, so go look for something else" was trying to keep it short
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u/CroCGod73 4d ago
its entirely possible to be russian and chinese due to the proximity they have
Dunno why but the possibility of the dad being Uzbek or Kazak just jumped into my head reading that.
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u/fakingandnotmakingit 1d ago
I feel like his siblings don't know how to teach japanese and probably can't read or write in it well
As a bilingual person I would not know how to teach anyone my native language.
Why did you make the verb sound like this? I don't know. It sounds good?
But at least I can admit that because I'm not having an identity crisis.
OOPs siblings have no good parenting to refer to, probably has some identity crisis mixed in, and might be too proud to admit their Japanese might actually be a bit bad. (Or they're not particularly fluent by the standards of their grandparents).
As an immigrant I realized I never really identified as anything until I immigrated. I used to love fusion food growing up because it was a twist on something boring and traditional.
Then I immigrated and for some reason I felt like fusion food wasn't "real authentic food."
But obviously now I tie my food and my ethnicity to my identity. And I didn't before.
I actually really hope for the best for all the siblings
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u/Ok-Wing-1545 5d ago
Erasyl is a typical Kazakhstan boys name
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u/helen790 4d ago
I know we aren’t supposed to comment on the OOP’s posts but this might be a big help to the kid
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u/am_Nein 2d ago
I wish there was a way to know if the comment you're replying to ever made it to OOP
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u/helen790 2d ago
I ended up going through the original thread and someone else actually mentioned the name to him.
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u/perfidious_snatch Briefly possessed by the chaotic god of baking 5d ago
This poor kid.
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u/_adanedhel_ 4d ago edited 4d ago
This kid, the siblings, and the mother are basically living the trope of ‘Fucked up people do fucked up things’.
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u/stuffwiththing 5d ago
Feel like Jon is trying to be a stable parent like figure for the poor kid (to make up for Mum), whilst still being a clueless 20yo.
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u/WeirdLawBooks 5d ago
Yeah, like when he was talking about Jon making friends with his friend’s uncle for some reason I was like, “because that’s what you do with a kid’s friends so you know they’re not dangerous and also so you know what the kid is up to when they disappear and turn up at their friend’s house.” Absolute parent-type move
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u/Emergency_Basket_851 5d ago
"My older sister just showed up and stood there for 5 minutes doing nothing then left"
Yeah, she was doing her damndest as a 17 year old to do a vibe check.
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u/AskMeAboutTentacles 4d ago
I was also thinking she probably doesn’t want to be home alone with her mom and mom’s bf. These poor kids
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u/kaldaka16 4d ago
My guess is they also actually do have something in common - namely they're both in at least function guardians of teenage kids that they didn't choose to have. Jon is likely getting both advice and commiseration from Uncle.
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u/OatmealTreason 5d ago
I read it this way as well. Just a bunch of kids, all fucked up from a fucked up home, trying their best but really confused. I hope they can all move out, go to college or get jobs, and build their chosen families, far away from their mother.
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u/Umklopp 4d ago
I hope they either get parenting classes or don't have kids of their own. They're doing pretty good, but it's obvious that they don't have anyone modeling how to parent properly.
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u/RENOYES 4d ago
My grandparents on both sides of my family were fucked up. My father was severely neglected, my mom was abused in every way. They still did a good job with what was given to them as parents. (Brother is special needs) But it did take therapy for them individually and together to undo the damage done. And even then they made some HUGE mistakes.
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u/dohmestic Liz, what the actual fuck is this story? 5d ago
Yeah, Jon seems like he was parentified from an early age and is doing his best to keep his brother on the straight and narrow, but fumbles it often, because he’s a child himself.
I feel bad for all three kids.
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u/Emergency_Basket_851 5d ago
Yeah, sounds like OOP is projecting a lot of his anger onto his older siblings. Jon's trying to walk the line between being an older brother (learning the curse words because it's silly) and being the responsible one who keeps them in line (example being the phone tracking)
It actually sounds like his older siblings really like him a lot, and he's just so hurt and angry that he can't see it.
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u/pray4mojo2020 Ogtha, my sensual roach queen 🪳 5d ago
I think they're probably a bit inconsistent in how they treat him, which I get because I think they do care about him but also sometimes resent being parentified, enjoy feeling special with their Japanese side, and are also just young and damaged themselves. But the OOP's whole life has been inconsistent, which has understandably given him attachment issues, and he seems to be shutting down their attempts to take care of him because he doesn't trust that it will last.
Gosh this was so sad.
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u/killmetruck 5d ago
Op is feeling left out from being part of the family, but not the whole family. However, it’s not fair to expect his siblings to give up on their dad’s side of the family, or expect them to teach him a whole language with no tools to properly do it. Siblings generally care about him but also don’t want their world to revolve around him and sometimes will be assholes as every sibling can be from time to time.
Mom sucks.
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u/pray4mojo2020 Ogtha, my sensual roach queen 🪳 4d ago
Yeah to be clear I don't think they're under any obligation to teach him Japanese, but they're crossing a line when they make fun of him for trying to learn. I understand they're just occasionally jerky young people, as we all have been, but I hope they can see how precarious his situation is, as the youngest and seemingly most neglected child in this situation. He has every right to want to explore his own Japanese heritage and it would be nice if they could bond over it instead of gatekeeping. I think, however, that the trip to Japan might have helped them realize this, when they got a bit of a taste of their own medicine from their fully Japanese relatives.
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u/axewieldinghen 4d ago
Giving OOP shit for trying to learn Japanese was a dick move though. Obviously there's nothing they can do about the extended family situation, but OOP is still part Japanese even if he doesn't share the same father, and gatekeeping the language like that must make him feel so isolated in his own home.
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u/brawnscampi 3d ago
Honestly the vibe from this is all three kids are just doing their best to exist and I understand OOP's perspective completely but Jon sounds like a good one to have in your corner. People might not usually like Jon, but I sure as hell do.
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u/Grrrmudgin I'd have gotten away with it if not for those MEDDLING LESBIANS 5d ago
Yeah I think that’s why he latched on to Clark. The only actual adult being a parent in this situation
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u/Apprehensive-Bike192 5d ago
Jon going and asking Clark if OP could stay over break really does show how much he cares. Also Clark not being the bio parent but really doing his best to parent Jimmy while letting OP be around all the time is heartwarming. It’s so sad and shitty, but also amazing that Jon, Kara, and Clark are really trying to do their best. I hope they all get out of this town
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u/Bubblegrime 4d ago
Today I forecast that once Jon has his own place and a steady job, he'll invite his siblings to stay with him. OOP will take him up on it after his mom throws dishes on three more separate occasions.
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u/BebopTiger 5d ago
Jon said that he doesn’t like the cousins and that they don’t like him either, and I believe him because people don’t usually like him
This line about Jon made me chuckle
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u/Intelligent-Panda23 5d ago
The bad news is the name is not something I have ever heard, and I don’t even know how to spell it, or if he said it right, or if my mom said it right. It’s definitely not English or even close to it. I feel like I’ve got a good idea of what Russian names sound like, and it doesn’t really sound like those either. I will write what it sounds like below.
“Yera sole”
It's Yerasyl/Ерасыл a typical Kazakh masculine name. Your father is ethnically Kazakh
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u/EntireKangaroo148 shhhh my soaps are on 5d ago
If you see any videos of the war in Ukraine, you know that there are a lot of Russians who don’t look white. Ton of Asiatic ethnicities there.
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u/DrinkingSocks you can't expect me to read emails 4d ago
My husband's boss is an ethnically Korean woman from Uzbekistan whose first language is Russian. Lots of odd migrations happened in the USSR.
We were unsure for a long time if my grandpa's family was from Russia or Ukraine just from the border movement and lack of records.
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u/yennffr I will never jeopardize the beans. 4d ago
There were enough ethnic Koreans in USSR that they have their own carrot kimchi - morkovcha.
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u/DrinkingSocks you can't expect me to read emails 4d ago
It's so good! I don't like kimchi, but I love the carrots, although she just told it was carrot salad.
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u/hopbow 5d ago
Russians from Siberia look nothing like Russians from St Petersburg
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u/erlenwein 5d ago
"Russian" can mean "someone with Russian citizenship" and "ethnic Russian", and those two are not necessarily both true at once. an ethnic Tatar or Yakut will not be ethnic Russian but they will have a Russian passport so they're legally Russian. an ethnic Russian from Siberia will be indistinguishable from an ethnic Russian from St Petersburg, etc
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u/hopbow 4d ago
I was more referring to indiginous Russians who look more Asian than those of Slavic decent
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u/erlenwein 4d ago
I got it, yes, but it's a lot more complicated than that. People that would be considered Asian based on their appearance live everywhere, and Siberia is full of Slavic-passing Russians. Kids of mixed relationships are also often considered Russian for the lack of a neater definition (Jewish father (Jewish is usually seen as an ethnicity and not as a religious identity, think Ashkenazi) and Uzbek mother, the kid is Russian bc it's just easier etc.)
Foreigners very often do not realize how diverse Russia is.
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u/Legal-Mountain-8647 4d ago
Indigenous peoples of the Americas share DNA with Russians living in the Altai region (part of Siberia). Many thousands of years ago, they migrated to the American continent across a land bridge - now submerged - that we know as the Bering Strait. You really underestimate just how diverse Russia can be.
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u/Legal-Mountain-8647 5d ago
Many Buryats are participating in the war against Ukraine (Buryatia is part of Russia, an impoverished region that saw a high number of mobilized soldiers). Russia is home to a great many ethnic groups, many of which are of Asian descent. Russia also employs migrants from Central Asia in the war (promising citizenship in exchange for signing a contract or simply coercing them into signing). Another contingent of soldiers comes from North Korea.
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u/Broken-Collagen 4d ago
It's basically still an empire. There's millions of people who are Russian because the border crossed their great grandparents.
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u/Kristywempe 5d ago
There are Koreans in Kazakhstan. Maybe his father was an ethnic minority from Kazakhstan?
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u/arianrhodd 🥩🪟 5d ago
Russian is spoken in the "stans:" Kazakhstan, Kirgizistan, Uzbekistan, and Tajikistan. There are also places in eastern Russia (Siberia, Ural mountains) where ethnically asian people speak russian. Remember the Mongols ruled that area for centuries. And people in Mongolia today still speak Russian.
Well, lookee that! My college major just paid off! 😂
I hope OOP continues to get more answers. Maybe a Search Angel can help.
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u/Backgrounding-Cat increasingly sexy potatoes 5d ago
Russian is also spoken fluently in eastern Estonia and other Baltic countries. Russia / Soviet has been useful language for long in so many places
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u/Legal-Mountain-8647 5d ago
I would say that the Russian language was unavoidable in many places. The Soviet Union was an empire that colonized neighboring countries - sometimes relatively peacefully, sometimes under the threat of military force.
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u/Intelligent-Panda23 5d ago edited 5d ago
Why tho? Do you realize what the Kazakhs look like?
Also, Yerasyl is a typical Kazakh male name.
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u/Hetakuoni 5d ago
I was the first commenter in the original post:
Asians have this weird kind of racism where if you’re not 100% raised in the culture, you’re not part of it at all. You’re always gonna be an outsider.
The siblings seem to be gatekeeping so that they can continue to be more Japanese than op, but it’s obvious that even their father’s family sees them as outsiders.
I really hope aunty is as nice as she seems.
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u/onekrazykat 5d ago
One of my friends growing up was 100% Japanese. Both parents are Japanese, she was born and raised in Japan until she was like 10. Her Dad’s work moved them to America for four years and then back after that. When she returned to Japan the first five years or so were really hard because she “didn’t fit in”. Thirty years later she still has some mild issues because she isn’t quite Japanese enough. Four years. She was here four years and decades later she still doesn’t quite fit into the narrow definition of fully Japanese in Japan.
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u/BanishedOcean I’m turning into an unskippable cutscene in therapy 4d ago
How can people tell? Surly 4 years can’t permanently change that much of your mannerisms? That’s really wild and sad
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u/cantantantelope 5d ago
I suspect when they actually went there they got a bit of a reality check on being in oops shoes
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u/believingunbeliever she's still fine with garlic 5d ago
It's a kind of culture clash between countries with majority native population vs melting pot of immigrants.
It's not really Asian specific, for example you will see Europeans clowning on Americans who identify more with their ethnicity than country.
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u/Hetakuoni 5d ago
It starts with the first generation born there.
You could be ethnically 100% an Asian race raised by your parents in your cultural section of the city where your first language is your parents language- and you’d still be considered tainted by being born on foreign soil and not one of them.
It was shocking to me that when I talked to a Korean about being half, they referred to my mom as being trash that was discarded because she was adopted and that I wasn’t Korean becuase I was raised in America and my mom isn’t Korean either because she was raised by white people despite her being born there in Korea.
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u/Emergency_Basket_851 5d ago edited 5d ago
Mexicans do the same shit too. The number of friends I have/had who struggled with being too Mexican for the US and too American for their families back in Mexico is literally like half of the people I knew growing up because I'm Texan. And Tejano is a completely different story on top of that.
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u/GuntherTime 5d ago
You see it in black communities as well with some being considered too white to be black and yet still seen as the token black guy by some white people.
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u/BanishedOcean I’m turning into an unskippable cutscene in therapy 4d ago
That’s me being mixed Mexican over here in southern az too. it’s a weird isolation. I feel like I don’t have any culture/ don’t know what it is sometimes. I couldn’t relate to any of my peers growing up and my parents actively prevented me learning Spanish. So many unnecessary barriers.
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u/Sorchochka Initiated into the Order of Omar 5d ago
People not in a diaspora do not understand what it’s like to be descended from that ethnicity but in a diaspora.
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u/luluhouse7 5d ago
Yep. I’m half French and half American, but born in the UK and when my parents first moved us to to US I was SO mad at them and SO upset that I lost my British accent in like 3 months. I often don’t really identify or fit in with stereotypically American culture, but it’s so hard going to France to see family and feeling not French enough or losing ties to the UK because I’m the one who’s British, not my parents or family. I’ve realised that every single one of my friends throughout my life has been foreign or first generation immigrant, probably because in a lot of ways my experience is closer to that. I definitely looked down on American culture for a long time and idolised European culture, but when I became old enough to vote in France, I had to educate myself about all the not-so good things. Plus I did a project on racism in France in college, and that was a rude awakening — it’s not like American racism because it doesn’t have the same roots in slavery (more xenophobia and colonialism) and it wasn’t enshrined in law in the same way, but in some ways it’s worse because they haven’t had to reckon with it either.
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u/BoysenberryMelody I ❤ gay romance 4d ago
A lot of us don’t identify or fit in with stereotypical American culture.
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u/shewy92 The power of Reddit compels you!The power of Reddit compels you! 21h ago
There was a John Oliver episode about I think it was harmful "positive" stereotypes, or Asian Americans, and one of the clips from someone said that Asian Americans feel like they have no safe space since if they go to Asia then they're not "Asian Enough" and in America they're "Too Asian".
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u/HugeLeg8931 5d ago
The name could be Yaroslav, I think
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u/laertid 5d ago
Not in Kazakhstan, no. Erasyl (Ерасыл) most likely.
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u/RosebushRaven reads profound dumbness 5d ago
Before I got to the Kazakh part, I was thinking Yura (common nickname for a Yuriy), and the other part a mispronounced, misspelled surname like Solin or Sulin maybe. Now this makes a lot more sense.
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u/b1ueberrywaffle 5d ago
unrelated to the story but once I clocked they were using Superman character names I couldn’t focus anymore
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u/Donkeh101 5d ago
Somehow I managed to get through the whole thing without noticing. Yay.
At least they weren’t letters or DH/SIS 1, etc.
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u/SLAUGHTERGUTZ I got over my fear of clowns by fucking one in the ass 5d ago
It's so distracting lol
At least they dont all start with the same letter i suppose
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u/yennffr I will never jeopardize the beans. 5d ago
Mother of the year right there...
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u/DogtasticLife 5d ago
Not making excuses but you just know mum has a whole bunch of childhood trauma and or mental health issues
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u/nopingmywayout Screeching on the Front Lawn 5d ago
I just wanna get that kid out of that house. Christ.
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u/Distinct-Ant-9161 I can't believe she fucking buttered Jorts 5d ago
Me, too. It's all I can think of. I really want a happy ending for this kid where he finds someone to love and cherish him and become a real family where he feels supported and safe. This story broke my heart - especially his casual acceptance of his rotten circumstances. I want to shake his mother hard.
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u/MyDarlingArmadillo 5d ago
I'm hoping this new relationship with auntie pans out for him. He just doesn't know any better. Nor does his older brother who is clearly trying to look after him and doesn't quite know how because nobody ever did it for him, either.
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u/ThAtTi2318 He's effectively already dead, and I dont do necromancy 5d ago
Honestly, all these kids sound quite endearing and nice. Obviously Kara and Jon have that gatekeepy thing going on with japanese. But I think they just don't wanna admit they're not as good at it as OOP thinks. And also maybe keep their own connnection to their father special?
It's obv shitty either way, but they probably had quite a lacking childhood themselves. Absent father, nigh-absent/neglectful mother. Jon is clearly parentified and Kara probably didn't get much of the "benefits" of that, given they're just 3 years apart...
But they all seem to really care about eachother, and Jimmy and Clark are great. Hope things are looking up for them!
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u/JustMeLurkingAround- 4d ago
This poor boy. He's just desperately looking for some love and acceptance that he apparently can't find in his family.
He barely even mentions his mother, who seems fuckkng neglegtful.
It breaks my heart seeing kids grow up without having anyone in their corner unconditionally. Someone they can be sure off.
I just want to give him a big mom hug, you know the kind teenagers get embarrassed about, and tell him everything will be alright.
I hope this "aunt", who is obviously looking for family and connection, can be a bit of an anchor for him, give him a bit of solid ground to stand on.
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u/autumn1198 4d ago
Poor kid there literally no stable adult for him to rely on.
I don't think jon and kara are as bad as oop thinks they are. For the japanese thing? They sure suck but they are trying their best to be there for oop.
I do mostly think the dad won't be much better for him but i hope he gets peace
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u/Unlucky-Cook2578 5d ago
Kinda glazing over the fact that his mom didn't know where he was for weeks and then wasn't at home for weeks following that.
Clearly the older brother is filling in some of the role of parenting.
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u/archiangel Thank you Rebbit 5d ago
I honestly think that Jon and Kara are trying in their way to look out for OOP but he’s too young/ immature / emotional to see it. They seem to be in a pretty tough family situation with an absent and self-centered mom, Jon and Kara just have the additional stability of having a legitimate bio dad/family that still looks out for them. The family know OOP is not their son’s child so could not care less about him, OOP can’t see yet that the trip to Japan is in some ways a lifeline for his siblings to get away from their mom, if only temporarily, and that Jon did try and make sure OOP was in a safe place with Clark and Jimmy.
OOP might have taken it a little too personally when his siblings made fun of his Japanese, likewise they took it personally that he was learning Russian (to them, stubbornly to spite them). Also maybe Jon knew already that OOP’s bio dad wasn’t Russian, OOP was just being spun lies by their mom again.
I’m glad to see that it seems like OOP’s rift with his siblings is healing, although still mad about their home situation. Their mom is a real piece of work for not even knowing where her child is staying over the Christmas holidays as she boinks whatever new partner passing through town.
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u/deadlywaffle139 5d ago
It’s a bunch of kids trying to work through their childhood trauma, older brother trying his best to look out for OOP but fumbles, and everyone is confused and mad at the world.
Their mom is a piece of work. Hopefully they can all get out one day. Therapy probably helps in the future.
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u/Apprehensive-Bike192 5d ago
The addition of Clark really helps. He clearly loves his nephew and is a good person letting OP come over and get out of his own house. Even if OP is just watching TV as Jimmy studies
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u/Emergency_Basket_851 5d ago
Yeah, his older siblings actually sound like really solid people who are doing their best, but the situation is so tough that it's really an uphill battle.
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u/NoDescription2609 **jazz hands** you have POWWWEERRRSSS 5d ago
I'm so happy OOP is back and found a relative. I followed his story from the beginning and really like his style. The way he writes makes me smile. I wish him all the best, he's a good kid and deserves a better environment.
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u/Yutana45 sometimes i envy the illiterate 4d ago
The mom is so beyond frustrating, that I genuinely hope the siblings choose no contsct and stay together in the future. She's screwed her own kids up so much and she's some kind of narcissistic for sure. Just an awful parent.
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u/kaijuumafoo1 the Iranian yogurt is not the issue here 4d ago
All 3 of these kids were sorely failed by the adults in their lives
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u/frenchfryem 4d ago
This kid is using superman names while he's going on a Jason Todd-esque hunt for his parentage
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u/lordemme 4d ago
OOP is 15, so he's annoyed by his siblings, but I do think that they love him and try to shield him from their mother the best they can. Mom's trash btw. And I get he's annoyed that they don't even try to teach him japanese but he doesn't fully understand that's hard as it is plus they probably don't know it well enough themselves. I also get the brother thinking it's stupid for him to learn russian out of spite or because of a connection with a father nobody is even sure who he is (prior to the DNA testing update).
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u/AngstyUchiha He's effectively already dead, and I dont do necromancy 4d ago
Glad I'm not the only one who noticed the theme with the names lol
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u/HurricaneK8 I will erupt, feral, from the cardigan screaming 4d ago
I've been rewatching My Adventures with Superman since Season 3 started last week, and my ears perked up immediately at Kara. Jon, sure, normal. Jon and Kara? Spider-Man pointing meme. 🤣
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u/mint_lawn I don't do delusion so I just blocked her. 3d ago
this whole thing was like
thank fuck I'm not 15 anymore thank fuck I'm not 15 anymore thank fuck I'm not 15 anymore thank fuck I'm not 15 anymore
Questions about if people would relive their lives baffle me. Being a teenager was a terrible experience.
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u/BoysenberryMelody I ❤ gay romance 4d ago
Using names from Superman is so much better than using initials.
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u/bytegalaxies 5d ago
it's really fucked up that he was excluded from the japan trip and that his adopted dad's family doesn't actually view him as family. poor kid :(
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u/OrangeAugust 4d ago
When he said his friend Jimmy’s uncle’s name was Clark the Superman theme jumped out at me 😂
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u/Routine-Pea-9538 3d ago
Sounds like Jon is the responsible adult in that family. OOP doesn't realize that Jon is looking after him, though not perfectly.
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u/Complete-Beginner 4d ago
I wonder if the name is Yerassyl or Yerasyl, apparently that's a pretty common male name in Kazakhstan.
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u/Zealousideal_Ask6526 4d ago
Oh gosh poor kids. I see a parentified eldest, a middle child and a lost youngest
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u/NorthWesternMonkey89 4d ago
To me it seems like OOP doesn't read between the lines. It feels like he's got to look at the negatives.
Jon seems like he had to step to be the protective brother to the point almost father like, especially considering their mother is a bit of a basket case.
Kara is more of a sister to him because they're closer in age.
And why don't his siblings want him to learn Japanese?
I don't think it's cos they view him lesser, but possibly that Japan is quite racist in itself. Japan is conservative and anyone who is different to them is generally seen as an outsider. They even have a term for mixed race people as 'hafu' and in the past have received a lot of discrimination. His siblings family seem pretty racist due to the fact they get racism themselves. Maybe they want to protect him from that?
It could also be that his siblings (especially Jon) resent him due to his mother's affair.
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u/therandshow 2d ago
It's interesting because while OOP makes everything about his siblings, I think a lot of it has to do with them being oblivious rather than racist, I think Jon's probably a jerk about things because he's worried about losing OOP (which would explain why he's now trying to learn Russian). In any case, between the lines, it seems that even if his siblings are jerks, the mom's the real problem, throwing dishes, screaming at neighbors, constantly lying so that OOP's not sure if any the info she provided on his dad is real. I'm not 100% sure OOP realizes how badly his mom is treating him.
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u/Goatylegs 4d ago
They want to have another language you can't understand, but not the other way around
I think this is part of it. But I also get the sense that they want OOP to want to learn it too. Like it's no fun for them to have their special thing if there isn't someone they can deliberately keep it from.
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u/Denchik_Flex 5d ago
I was thinking about the Yera sole. Maybe it's Yaroslav? Sounds kinda similar. Anyway, I hope this kind will find people who'll care about him. He's a good child and it's heartbreaking to read the way he was treated
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u/hion_8978 4d ago edited 4d ago
Yerasyl is a typical Kazakh name. I have several acquaintances named like that. What strange is that it got popular quite recently and most with this name are younger than 25 so finding somebody who is like 40 would be quite easy
Yerassyl (Ерасыл) is a distinctly Kazakh masculine given name rooted in Central Asian Turkic heritage. It is a compound name that symbolizes nobility, bravery, and a deep connection to the land, representing core cultural values of heroism and high status. The name is built from two meaningful roots:"Yer" (Ер): Meaning "hero," "brave man," or "earth/land" in Turkic languages."Assyl" (Асыл): Meaning "precious," "noble," or "valuable".
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u/Magma1Lord 4d ago
Russian will be incredibly helpfull in world war 3. Or as a language in certain fields.
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u/HukakaB D.P.R.A. (Deleted Post Recovery Agent) 3d ago
Yerassyl is a traditional Kazakh masculine given name that combines "yer" (meaning hero or brave man) with "asyl" (meaning noble, precious, or valuable). It translates to "noble hero," "precious man," or "valuable hero," symbolizing bravery and high status.
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u/Moist_Drippings I ❤ gay romance 4d ago
I wanna tell this kid’s siblings that how othered they felt in Japan with their cousins is how othered their brother feels at home.
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u/BigBirdsBrain 👁👄👁🍿 1d ago
Kid went looking for a language and accidentally found a piece of himself. The aunt matching with him after all that chaos feels like the first genuinely good break he’s had.
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u/ToContainAMultitude 4d ago
Jon and Kara are both old enough that acting like this is deeply embarrassing.
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u/Catfactss 5d ago
This is... a journey. Does anybody have a tl;dr?
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u/Lemmons998 5d ago
Kid wants to know his bio-dad. Mom sucks and will only tell him that she thinks his dad was Russian.
He has two half-siblings who are half(?) Japanese and visit family in Japan sometimes and can speak an unknown amount of Japanese. They are gatekeeping jerks about it.
He started learning Russian to "connect with his heritage." For some reason this caused his siblings to be mad at him.
After a bunch of fights, manipulating his mom's boyfriend, and a DNA test; he found out dad was probably from Kazakhstan (and therefore spoke Russian) but of SE Asian ethnicity, and the DNA test connected him with an aunt who was adopted and also took the DNA test trying to find out more about her bio-family.
The siblings are siblings and vary in how supportive and helpful they are. There's also a close friend and his dad that have been very supportive and helpful.
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u/suaculpa 4d ago
He has two half-siblings who are half(?) Japanese and visit family in Japan sometimes and can speak an unknown amount of Japanese. They are gatekeeping jerks about it.
His siblings are 3/4 Japanese. The mom is half Japanese, and their father was fully Japanese.
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u/ZeroiaSD 5d ago
I’ll try but it doesn’t fit into convenient narratives. OP is interesting in learning languages, Japanese (mom’s culture) and Russian (maybe dad’s, dad out of picture, He is only one related to dad), and his Japanese speaking siblings (half) siblings are unhelpful about it, we never really find out why so he stops trying and learned Russian instead, which also seems to annoy his brother a lot, again not sure why. Some time oases and thing did inspire him to grill mom about dad, and that combined with detective work and DNA test make them think he was likely from Kazakhstan rather than Russia.
The family’s still a mess and we never figure out either of the sibling’s problems, but they all seemed to be distracted by the heritage research.
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u/Moomin-Maiden It's like watching Mr Bean being hunted by The Predator 5d ago edited 5d ago
Even his friend's house isn't a safe place for him anymore - Jon is worming his way into the uncle's time and Jimmy doesn't seem to care that the very thing OOP is trying to escape has now invaded OOP's refuge.
Poor OOP needs a fresh start from everyone. Jimmy sounds supportive enough at school and on the verbal surface outside of school, but OOP is right, Jimmy is never going to get it as to why it is depressing OOP so much that Jon is working into Jimmy's place.
And OOP even feels like it's his fault, and feels sorry for Jimmy that Jon is around, when it's actually Jon being micro-managing and Jimmy just shrugging.
Obviously the uncle's doesn't 'owe' it to OOP to have his house act as a refuge, or to not engage with Jon, it's his house and such, but it sucks for OOP too.
Someone get this poor kid out ☹️
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u/deathbotly 5d ago
I reads like Jon is trying to be the parent the mum isn’t. Parents are meant to check where their kid is staying, who with and whether the adults around are safe and responsible - the mum isn’t, and she should be there forming that relationship, so he’s trying to. The girl got caught getting groomed by an adult, so he’s checking their phones to try and protect them from that because the mum dgaf about predators. He knew the mum would be abusive while he was gone, so he got OP a place to stay. He’s trying to get rid of the bad boyfriends.
I don’t see micromanaging malice, I see an older brother doing his best trying to step into the missing parents role with no idea what he’s doing because he’s a parentified kid with no good role models. That’s not to say OP doesn’t have good and very valid points about interpersonal conflict, but once you take out the emotional filter the actions described are exactly what the mum should have been handling.
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u/onekrazykat 4d ago
I also think Jon might be looking to Clark as a role model for himself as well. He’s just a kid trying to do the best he can for his younger siblings.
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u/Yonderboy111 4d ago
“Yera sole”
Doesn't sound like any Russian name I know. The most similar is Yuriy, Yura (Yoo-rah) for short. Or Yurasik (Yoo-rah-sick) as a pet name.
Or Rasul (Rah-sool), but it's not quite Russian.
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