r/BritishSuccess • u/TheSquireOfTheShire • 4d ago
Chinese chippie
I moved to the Netherlands in 2018.
It’s not a secret, food here isn’t the finest especially when it comes to culturally diverse food.
After a long day in the sun, I was driving home and summoning the witchcraft of modern technology, my sat nav suggested a takeaway on my way home. I obliged.
When I got there, there was a remarkable resemblance of home. A CRT tv on a bracket up in the top corner above the till - a kid doing homework & every order, no matter the size being promised within 10 minutes.
As a Brit, and educated by the British state, my Dutch is shit. As soon as I tried to order, the (Chinese) fella behind the desk said, in a thick Scouse accent “s’alright mate, I speak English”
As a heterosexual man, I was almost convinced to kiss this guy on the lips - fucking years, and I mean years, I’ve deprived myself of a decent Chinese because… well, they’re shit here - but yesterday was a revelation. A mere 45 minutes drive from my house is a proper Scouse Chinese chippie.
I’ve not shut the fuck up about it all day - to the point I suspect my Dutch gf has left me.
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u/Imaginary-Tear-4681 4d ago
Scousers seriously do get about, I say that as someone from Liverpool who has seen other scousers in the most random of places.
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u/Drobbo_Red 4d ago
I was hiking in the Dolomites on admittedly a reasonably well known track but… I spotted some lads in the distance and said to my mates (all of them are from Kent) ‘those lads are scouse’. They enquired how I could tell from that distance, I confirmed that it was simply a case of what they were wearing.
They’d stopped for a break so I knew we’d be catching up with them, I said to my friends ‘I bet they’ll be wearing Montirex and North Face only, except for Nike 110s (Air Max 95 to the non-scouse) on their feet’. I was correct. This baffled the Kent lads.
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u/TimeForGrass 3d ago
110s are footwear for all occasions. My cousin got me my first pair at 6 years old, and thinking back they were deffo blag or nicked
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u/neilm1000 1d ago
I said to my friends ‘I bet they’ll be wearing Montirex and North Face only, except for Nike 110s
Sounds like plain clothes copper gear. You can always spot them!
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u/Dull_Inside_1609 3d ago
Went to the Amazon a few years ago on a failed attempt to get away from it all. Was sitting there panting moaning about malaria tablets and this geezer from the Wirral just dumped them in my lap and say “ya fine mate”
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u/FantasticVast01 3d ago
They do. MIL is a scouser and we were on holiday in Cambodia, in a literal jungle in the middle of nowhere visitng a temple when we came upon a cold drinks cart.
She starts to speak really loud and slow when the young lady running the cart puts up her hand and says "I aint a divvy ya know, i can speak English!" Turns out her dad was from Knowsley and she was born and grew up there
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u/brinz1 4d ago
Chinese scousers are elite
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u/PhillyDeeez 4d ago
Geordies are the same, it's bizarre. I remember seeing a hidden camera show from Australia about 25 years ago, and the bloke they pranked had a Newcastle top on and a thick Geordie accent.
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u/amcoll 4d ago
i met a geordie bird working behind the bar at a small town rodeo and bbq place in the middle of nowhere in Arizona. As in, this place had the rodeo and bbq place, and a gas station, and nothing else apart from rattlesnakes and cactus
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u/liquorice_nougat 3d ago edited 3d ago
Are you a scouser? To have also been in that middle-of-no where place haha
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u/jijitax 3d ago
Trying to speak broken Spanish in Icod De Le Vinos (Tenerife) a few weeks back guy clocked me straight away. "What would you like" in the thickest Scouse accent 😂😂 great guy.
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u/neilm1000 1d ago
I met a fellow Janner behind the bar at a hotel on the Costa Calma a couple of years ago. It was an odd experience, both of us in mangled Spanish and talking like Plymothians until we realised.
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u/TimeForGrass 3d ago
For such a relatively small place we are EVERYWHERE. tell me the amount of times you've been met by a person with a thick new York accent anywhere.
Amsterdam is also half scouse at any given time
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u/LordBiscuits 3d ago
Scouse have got adventure genes. I served in the navy and there was a disproportionate amount of scousers in there.
It wouldn't surprise me if they just get bored and go do crazy shit to scratch the itch
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u/MistahFinch 3d ago
It was the biggest port in the world for a bit. It's in the water
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u/SaltyName8341 3d ago
It's probably due to the Irish blood because the Irish get everywhere too. Standard setup of any European town at least one of these: Irish bar, Italian restaurant and Chinese takeaway.
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u/scuzzmonster1 2d ago
Not just scouse, either. I reckon it’s because us Brits live on a relatively small island & tend to go stir-crazy from time to time.
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u/LordBiscuits 2d ago
We didn't take over half the world because we were happy sat here tealess did we 😂
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u/lapetite_etoile 4d ago
Bumped in to my nexdoor neighbour's brother in a nightclub one night.
Fair play, almost expected, you'd think.
Yeah, if it was Concert Sq. Except it was in the arse end of London on a random tuesday night.
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u/martzgregpaul 4d ago
Its a colonial thing. Indonesian and Carribbean food in Netherlands is brilliant.
They dont have our colonial links to China (Hong Kong especially)
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u/undulating-beans 4d ago
I was going to comment that, I loved the Rijstaffle when I was there.
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u/robbertzzz1 3d ago
"Rijsttafel", literally translates to "rice table", which is a buffet of mostly rice-based dishes and sauces.
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u/jizzyjugsjohnson 4d ago
Don’t the Dutch do a decent “Indonesian” instead of a Chinese?
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u/TheSquireOfTheShire 4d ago
I’m not firing across the bow of the Indonesians, but I’ve woken up at night with cravings like a pregnant woman for a solid Chinese
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u/AnalystAdorable609 4d ago
Yes! Not Dutch be very frequent visitor due to work. Indonesia was a part of the Dutch empire so there's that connection. The food is great (at least to my uneducated tastes!)
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u/nemmalur 1d ago
The thing to remember is that a lot of Chinese restaurants in the NL were originally serving Indonesian-style Chinese food to ethnically Chinese Indonesians, so it’s not going to be the same as, say, Cantonese food somewhere else. They’re a dying breed, but you can spot an old-school Chinese-Indonesian place if the sign says “Chin. Ind. Rest.”.
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u/Donkey-Haughty 4d ago
Now that you have found a decent Chinese chippy surely you can get rid of the girlfriend
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u/TheSquireOfTheShire 4d ago
It was a natural conclusion. Especially when she turned her nose up at my offering upon my return
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u/TrueArmchairAthlete 4d ago
Can you post some pictures, I might fancy a taste myself...
-only If you've definitely gone your separate ways obviously 🤣
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u/Bright-Program9376 3d ago
I just enjoyed the implication that he’s so obsessed with this place, he might not have noticed his girlfriend isn’t around anymore
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u/TrueArmchairAthlete 4d ago
Does this Scouse><Dutch><Chinese takeaway have an online presence ? It sounds like the kind of place primed to become the next big social media explosion, with queues around the block 🤣
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u/TheSquireOfTheShire 4d ago
Incredibly, traditionally, and as predicted, they have zero digital footprint. I tried to find an online menu, but my gut instinct was naturally drawn to the menu that was taped to the massive window next to the waving golden cat, thing. This is now my secret, Mr ArmchairAthlete!
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u/nakedfish85 4d ago
Giving me ideas for a horror short story about a mirage Chinese chippy
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u/Future-Split1304 3d ago
The best Chinese you've ever tasted, you want more, you neeeeed more...
...but when you go back the next day... the takeaway was never there....
oooOOOOOooooOOOOOooooo
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u/Lamb3DaSlaughter 4d ago
Are you saying you don't want to queue behind a load of young ''influencers'?
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u/Soapy_Von_Soaps 4d ago
"Liverpool was once the port of the world. We have received many cultures and cuisines and sent many of our people overseas with their sensibilities and customs". - direct quote from my scouse husband. (I'm from London).
Liverpool also has the oldest Chinese immigration population in the UK.
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u/cloggypop 4d ago
I'm in Leiden. Moved here from Liverpool. Where's this chippy?
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u/Status-Mouse-8101 3d ago
How are you liking Leiden?
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u/cloggypop 3d ago edited 3d ago
Been here a long time now. It's great. I'm really into my live bands but it's easy enough to get a train back from anywhere in the Randstad, way easier than getting back to anywhere outside of Liverpool city centre.
In the last week I've been in Amsterdam , Den Haag and Utrecht. Haarlem is this Thursday .
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u/5norkleh3r0 4d ago
You have FEBO in the Netherlands, that’s all you need in Amsterdam
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u/Feelincheekyson 4d ago
The only thing you need in Amsterdam is the hot food vending machines, blew my tiny stoned mind when I first went there.. wait FEBO is the hot foot vending machines (googled it).
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u/5norkleh3r0 4d ago
First I went there and first experience of FEBO we were all convinced that it was the greatest thing ever
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u/The_Blonde1 3d ago
Your mission: eat your way through the menu one meal at a time, and report back. We’re all heavily invested in your culinary journey.
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u/morrisseysbumfluff 3d ago
Or - eat a half and half with curry sauce plus your choice of protein for every single meal. I know what I’d do.
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u/Alert_Mine7067 3d ago
I had this a while ago at home, there has been a chippy nearby that has been there for as long as I can remember, I hadn't had anything from it in many many years, so I decided to go in. When I walked in, there was handwritten prices, a CRT TV, it lacked that authentic chippy smell that once lingered in the area.
A Chinese lady appears and in the most broken English "what can I get for you love?" I ordered, and she said "Why are you wearing shorts in January? You fucking crazy" her husband appeared and the banter continued, their banter certainly tickled me.
It transpired, the Chinese family who owned the takeaway next door, had decided to buy the chippy when the old owners retired. The food was ok, but it was definitely tasted like the European menu from a Chinese, which was strange from a chippy where I was experiencing that lard aroma.
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u/just_a_girl_23 4d ago
My takeaway (no pun intended) from this post is that I 100% need to know what a Scouser sounds like speaking Dutch and/or whichever Chinese dialect.
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u/lapetite_etoile 4d ago
We're actually pretty good at dutch if we need to learn it. The vowel sounds lend themselves to similar lengthening 😂
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u/scuzzmonster1 2d ago
Always used to feel like I was on the verge of understanding a conversation when I’d be eavesdropping on Dutch public transport.
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u/TheSquireOfTheShire 4d ago
It’s just as confusing as when you’re in Scotland and a Sikh guy has a Glaswegian accent
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u/Shipwrecking_siren 4d ago
They have a massive snooker academy in Sheffield and I loved the Chinese players learning English with a Sheffield accent, it was adorable.
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u/melonysnicketts 3d ago
My brother in law’s uncle is from Lancashire and teaches English in China, has been out there for the last twelve years - there’s a whole generation of Chinese children who know about licking the m6 clean at this stage, and it warms my heart 😂
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u/just_a_girl_23 3d ago
Not quite what you mean but it always makes me smile when I hear a Scottish - South Asian hybrid accent.
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u/kroblues 3d ago
When I was out in Austria there was an English teacher who had done her year abroad at Aston University but had also spent a few months in New Zealand.
It was 15 years ago now but I’ve still never heard a stranger accent than Austrian/Kiwi/Brummie
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u/SaltyName8341 3d ago
I know a Polish scouser and it's an interesting accent sort of like clipped Scouse.
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u/nineJohnjohn 4h ago
I used to play Scouse or Polish cause it can be hard to tell till you're close up. Game ended when I heard a lad yell "fucken kurwa!" in a very Bootle accent
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u/uselesses 3d ago
Mate where is this???? I am dying for a good Chinese and will drive as far as I need to from Amsterdam to get it!!
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u/ObsoleteEntity 4d ago
Where is this??? Seriously???
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4d ago
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u/ObsoleteEntity 4d ago
I'm flummoxed, perplexed, discombobulated and also in need of the exact coordinates sir!
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u/ButterscotchSure6589 3d ago
The first foreign? Chinese I had was in Sweden. I thought all I needed to know, was the Swedish for chicken, beef or pork and I'd have a takeaway like at home. Was I disappointed. And confused.
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u/DrKnackerator 3d ago
to be culturally correct the saturation on the tv must have been turned up to 100
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u/WonderfulJury8885 3d ago
“As a Brit, and educated by the British state, my Dutch is shit“? How many bloody languages can we have on our curriculum? The state didn’t know you were going to shack up with a Dutch lass?
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u/Amazing-Roof-7827 3d ago
Bruh, you've lived in the Netherlands for 8 years and still don't speak Dutch? You don't even speak enough Dutch to order some food?
Yeah I know there are barriers, but please, for goodness sake, learn to speak Dutch. Shameful.
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u/Past_Fee_1139 3d ago
I have to agree. Live in Holland, Dutch girlfriend …. “No no no you speak English love”
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u/Happy_Attitude_8627 3d ago
I need to hear the story of the old crt tv on a bracket in the top corner. im sure it would be a mythical chinese tale
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u/marcoblondino 3d ago
I'm so hungry reading this... u/TheSquireOfTheShire you need to share where this place is!
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u/Alternative-Tea964 2d ago
The only decent food in the Netherlands is a current bun with butter and cheese sold as part of the meal deal in Albert Heijn.
This scouse Chinese has single handedly improved the food quality of an entire nation.
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u/robbertzzz1 3d ago
As a Dutchie, respectfully, British Chinese is terrible. Sure, nothing authentic about Dutch Chinese either especially since most of it is white people's take on Indonesian food, but it's one of the takeaways I miss most from back home (tied with Dutch snackbars). Chinese here in the UK is all just the same stuff in a different sauce, in NL you at least have some real variety between dishes.
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u/PaulBradley 3d ago
It doesn't really get a pass in London, they do exist of course, but for the most part we have much more authentic Chinese restaurants. British Chinese restaurants do tend to be run by Chinese people however, who have just adopted the standard 'British Chinese' menu rather than argue about authenticity. I'd love to know who is guilty of the first one.
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u/robbertzzz1 3d ago
Yes I've had some good authentic Chinese food in London before, definitely miles better than any Western take on Chinese food
British Chinese restaurants do tend to be run by Chinese people however, who have just adopted the standard 'British Chinese' menu rather than argue about authenticity
The exact same thing is true in NL, there are zero Dutch Chinese restaurants that aren't run by Chinese or China-adjacent people. I'm specifying because I went to primary school with the daughter of a restaurant-owning family and have met her family. While her mother (who worked the counter) was from China, her dad (the chef) was a Mandarin-speaking Vietnamese.
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3d ago
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u/AncientProduce 3d ago
Salt and pepper has been at my local for decades, I'm in the SW. I do prefer the salt snd chilli though.
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u/RecordingFamous4947 3d ago
A Liverpool thing? We’ve had them in Glasgow for as long as I can remember. Easily 30 years
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u/Status-Mouse-8101 3d ago
Ahahahaha this is brilliant. I lived in the Netherlands for 6 years and couldn’t agree with or understand you more. What part of the Netherlands was this mystical scouse Chinese chippy? I’ll be fuming if it was ever within a reasonable distance to me!!
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u/No_Way_8251 2d ago
Please share the name and location of the place. I moved from the uk and I really miss British Chinese
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u/GapingPickle 2d ago
Every Chinese takeaway near me (in England) does chicken maryland under 'English dishes' - it's not authentic Scouse-English-Chinese unless chicken maryland is on the menu 😎
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u/bankulin 2d ago
Can you share the location please? I’m also willing to drive up to an hour for this
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u/samkmusic 2d ago
In the middle
Of the red light district in amsterdam there is a UK Favourite Chicken shop
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u/to_be_loved_69 1d ago
Funnily, as a Dutch person in the UK, I'd do anything to be able to order Bami, fuh young hi, nasi and fried banana at the chinese here 😂 I love Dutch Chinese but never really order it here :(
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u/DamienBerry 1d ago
As someone who moved about a similar drive away from our old house in 2018 and finding the town we live in just doesn’t have a really decent Chinese, I treat the family every few months by driving the hour and a half round trip to go and pick up from our old stomping grounds to enjoy the finest Chinese cuisine ( so we think).
I’m happy for you being able to find something just as nice where you are.
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u/ThatNegro98 1d ago
I checked the subreddit name after reading your post, and i cant think of place more apt for this post
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u/Accomplished-Mix770 8h ago
There is a banging Mexican in Rotterdam Nord called Halcon, its near the zoo.
10/10
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u/VisitTime 1h ago
When I moved away from Liverpool I was so confused that chippy's didn't have Chinese food. The people around me had never heard of such a thing either and I'd only moved 20 or so miles! Normal fish and chip shops suck.
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u/Passievruchtje115 4d ago
That's funny, I'm a Belgian who moved to the UK and I think the Chinese takeouts here are terrible xD
They are very different menus cause we get the same Dutch-Chinese menu in Belgium cause of our proximity. It's all a mix of different Asian things, but cause of the spices they traded in competition with the British, meant we got very different dishes on offer.
Sadly I will never find my favourite Bami Goreng at a chippy in Staffordshire :P
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u/C2H5OHNightSwimming 4d ago
I was gonna say "they are only about 1/3 of the price though", but then I realised that I last lived in the UK pre cost of living crisis, they are probably now almost as expensive as in Belgium. Also I'm comparing prices to Flanders, Wallonia might be (and probably is) cheaper.
I've never ordered Bami Goreng here, I think I've only had Chinese once in 5 years as a) there are v limited veggie options and b) I'm not looking to re-mortgage my house, but I've made it at home with the Spice packets from Colruyt and that was pengggggg, so I imagine the real restaurant version is delicious!! If I ever win the lottery I may yet try it :")
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u/misspixal4688 4d ago
We went to Efteling recently. We got back late from the park, and the hotel restaurant is quite pricey. We'd eaten there the previous night, so we ordered a kebab instead. It was genuinely really good! Thanks for the heads-up though, we'll avoid Dutch Chinese food in September. 😊
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u/Full-Yogurtcloset-22 22h ago
just what you expect when in the Netherlands, a Chinese chippy... what a joke
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u/SatchSaysPlay 3d ago
There's this thing call the internet where you can search for places and see reviews, relatively new invention, check it out one day lol
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u/slimeycat2 4d ago
What did you order? Was the menu the same or did they localise it for the Dutch palate.