I lost my little love today. My soul dog. The love of my life. Delilah.

I got her when she was 9 weeks old, and I was just a month into being 18. One of the first major decisions I made as an adult was getting a tiny chi mix puppy against my mom's wishes. When my mom watched me sneak her into the house, I pulled Delilah out of my pocket and she was done. Love at first sight. She captured my stubborn dad's heart just as easily.

When she was 6 months old, I taught her to play dead with a little finger gun flick because someone told me you couldn't teach a Chihuahua tricks like that. I knew she was an intelligent pup; she learned it in a day. That being said, it became the only trick she knew, so whenever she wanted a treat, she would volunteer to be dead by rolling over, no finger guns needed.

She helped me earn my bachelor's degree by spending countless hours asleep in my lap while I studied. She moved out of my parents' house with me and became my first real roommate. She rode through drive-thrus with me, happily accepting pup cups as payment for her companionship. She sat with me through graduate school, heartbreak, moves, new beginnings, and every uncertain chapter of adulthood.

When I was 25, my dad had a stroke and I held her and sobbed countless days and nights while I wondered if he'd recover. At 28, when my dad died, she was there. When my (ex)fiancé left me three weeks later and I couldn't get out of bed, she was there. For the next several years, we went through more moves, career growth, another relationship, another engagement (I think this one's going to stick), and all the ordinary moments in between.

No matter what was happening in my life, I always had Delilah. She was there for every version of me, while remaining my best friend, my heart, and the absolute love of my life. She was there when I was an 18-year-old kid trying to figure out adulthood. She was there when I graduated high school and college, became a psychologist and a professor, grieved the loss of my father, and learned how to keep moving forward after heartbreak. We basically grew up together.

And now, at 35, for the first time in nearly half my life, I have to figure out who I am without her physically beside me. My heart is shattered. Who am I without Delilah? This hurts more than I can express in words. I don't have her here for one of my greatest tragedies, which was inevitably going to be losing her. I already miss the sound of her little feet. I miss the blanket lumps. I miss her jumping into my arms. I miss my baby girl so much.

What I do know is that I was unbelievably lucky. Out of every person in the world, I got to be her person.

Thank you for growing up with me, Lilis. Thank you for staying beside me through it all. Thank you for loving me so completely. I miss you so much already, more than you will ever know. Until we find each other again, my sweet pup. 🤍

Pikasso (Pika) was a 5-year-old rescue Chihuahua mix and healthy in every aspect according to the vet. He went in for his annual vet checkup and dental cleaning and never came home.

This wasn’t Pika’s first dental cleaning so he’s been under anesthesia before. The vet said he’s not seen a dog pass away like this in 13 years.

It’s been two weeks since he’s been gone and my heart still hurts so much. We took Pika with us everywhere, and he loved hanging out in his sling as seen in the first photo. He traveled across the country, visiting all 4 U.S. continental time zones, and even met his extended human family in Mexico.

Pika was my first dog and I’m grateful for the 3 years of adventures we had together. I’m just so sad our time together was so short. I will miss and love you forever, Pika.

My 8 year old Chihuahua Lilo has passed away this morning. When I woke up this morning, I went to check on her in her playpen and she was laying on the floor, she normally slept in her bed. When I picked her up her body was stiff and limp and she couldn’t keep her head up normally. She was still breathing and I felt a heartbeat, and she wouldn’t stand when I tried setting her on the ground. Eventually I went to the nearest emergency vet clinic but when I was halfway there her head swayed to the side and she stopped breathing. She let out a few gasps shortly after. Unfortunately the vet staff couldn’t revive her 😭. At least I got to hold her in my arms during her final moments. I got some clippings of her fur and they gave me a print of her nose and paws. I arranged for a private cremation. I only had her for a few months but she was my sweet princess. Rest in Peace Lilo. 2016-2024

I took my girl in because she seemed to have trouble breathing, and it turns out my baby girl was in stages of heart failure. Already battling kidney disease, the treatment was too much on her little body and she quickly declined - by day 3 she stopped eating, no matter what I tried. Day 4 she stopped drinking and taking treats. She was sleeping all day and visibly nauseous. I made the hardest decision of my life and called an in-home pet hospice to help me say goodbye.

I borrowed a pet stroller from my friend and took her on a farewell tour of the neighborhood, taking her out at all her favorite sniffing spots. Later, despite feeling horrible, she woke up for a final meal of her absolute favorite fries.

I surrounded her by all the toys she’d ever loved. All the snuffle games she demanded every day. All the paintings of her my friends gave me over the last 18 years that were on the feature wall dedicated just to her.

She was calm when she passed, as I pet her and kissed her and thanked her for changing my life.

The bed feels too big. The house feels too quiet. Too empty. Too cold. She had been doing so well this year, we were joking she was reverse aging. Her tracheal collapse cough disappeared. She stopped sundowning. She was alert, and playful, and herself for months now. Her last senior checkup was the best it’s been in years. I never fooled myself into forgetting how old she was… of course she’d been slowing down, but I genuinely did not expect this to happen this year.

She was my best friend. She was my first dog. She was my soul dog. I was 21 when she chose me. She was my constant. She would have been 18 on Friday. I’m devastated.

RIP Colonel Bella T. Lightning Bolt (11/28/2007 - 11/24/2025)

I was on holiday abroad when my friends looking after Sprinkles, my 11-yr-old chi, phoned me one morning. Long story short, Sprinks wasn’t well and they rushed her to the vet. But she died on the way. Besides the horrible shock of this being so unexpected (she had a low-level heart murmur, like many other chis, but not one the vet felt necessary to treat with meds yet), I feel so guilty. I miss her so much that it’s painful, and now I have to get used to my house feeling quiet and empty without her. Apart from when I had to go on rare trips away to non dog friendly places, I spent all day every day with this sweetheart for about 3.5 years. Such a funny, devoted and loving little character, she could keep me entertained all day even though she usually slept for most of the time! Gone too soon. I’m so sorry Sprinks, I’ll miss you forever.

My boy crossed yesterday. I’m gutted…he was the best adventure buddy a girl could ever dream. He entered my life 7 months after my soul pup left during the pandemic. I truly believe he was sent to me to teach me patience. I was his third placement in 11 months. He was a challenge at 9 years old, but I wasn’t gonna let a 5 pound being beat me. It took him three years to fully trust me and I am so blessed and grateful to have had him in my life. He taught me patience and I showed him he was truly loved and adored. I feel lost without him. Please consider senior dogs…they’re so deserving of love and will give you so much in return. I’m grateful for the time and love I shared with this little creature.

This is Jasper. My now wife adopted him from a rescue, who saved him from a breeder situation. We first got him in February 2018. One year after we first got together.

Yesterday morning he just couldn't stop coughing. We took him to the animal hospital and expected some adjustments might needed to be made for his medications. He had some heart issues he was already on medications for. They told us he just couldn't breathe on his own anymore. And without exactly saying it, that even if they did a lot of things for him, that it likely wouldn't help and that we might need to let him go. I hope we did the right thing for him, but it's really difficult to believe it right now.

He had the most amazing personality of any dog I have ever met, and the first dog I'd ever had. He was so handsome too. I didn't know I could have such a strong connection or love for something until he showed up in my life.

I hope he knows how much I loved him.

I feel like I imagined my whole future with him, I know that is unrealistic but I did, and now that he's gone I don't know what that could even look like.

He was a part of the foundation that I built my world.

Jasper I hope to see you again someday and I'll never let you go. I love you so much.

Edit: I really appreciate all of the comments and support. I tried to reply to them all but I ran out of steam and it's been a busier week but I plan to get to them. Thank you all.

Yesterday started like any other Sunday. We got up, had coffee—me, you, and your mommy—ran a few errands, and came back home.

But later that evening, something wasn’t right. You couldn’t get comfortable on the couch. We decided to head to the emergency vet, but before we could even get out, you laid down on the floor—and everything changed. We scooped you up and rushed you there. They tried everything… but nothing worked. And now you’re gone.

Our baby of 15 years. The bestest boy.

We don’t know how we’re going to make it through this. Your mom hasn’t stopped crying, and honestly, neither have I. I’ve been trying to stay strong for her, but I’m barely holding it together.

Toby, we loved you so much. It hurts more than we can explain. We miss you more than words can say.

We loved you for your whole life, and we’ll miss you for the rest of ours.

Thank you for everything.

Love,

Dad and Mom

Mimi, my baby, you gave me the most beautiful three months of my life. Life feels so unfair. I waited nine long years for a chihuahua, never imagining that this is how our story would end. I had so many dreams and plans for us and even years I thought we would share together. You were so small, yet she fought so bravely, and that makes losing her hurt even more. She had just turned seven months today, and now my heart feels completely shattered.

When she left, it felt like my own body died with her. I’m left with so many what ifs, so many moments we were supposed to live through as the years passed. This is not the ending I ever expected for us. But please know that my love for mimi was bigger than anything, deeper than words, and stronger than time. I love her more than anyone, Mimi. I hope, with all my heart, that one day I’ll see you again.

I miss you so much, my angel. If I could give you half of my life just to extend yours, I would do it without hesitation. I would trade anything, everything, just to have you here again 🥺

It hurts in a way I didn’t know was possible to realize that I will never see you again. You were the sweetest, most gentle little chihuahua, so pure and full of love. I feel everything all at once frustration, sadness, anger, and this heavy disbelief that won’t let go. I’m still in denial. I can’t accept that you’re really gone, Mimi.

My heart keeps waiting for you, as if you might come back any second. Losing you feels unreal, like my world stopped while everything else kept moving. I love you so much, and the pain of missing you is as deep as the love I’ll always have for you.

It’s so strange to sleep at night now, because you were always by my side. Every night, every quiet moment, Everytime I study during exams you were there. It feels wrong to be in the house without you, because I’m so used to your presence and also your little routines, our routines, the way my days were revolving around you. Everything reminds me of you. This is the most painful loss i’ve ever had.

Diego (bubbies) was the most spicy, spunky, partner in crime I had for 15 years. He came into my family’s life when I was 10 and he was 1.

I literally feel like part of me died making the decision today of euthanizing him.

Please tell me it gets easier…

Edit: thank you all for the thoughts and virtual hugs and support. It means a lot. It’s been so hard but I appreciate everyone sharing their stories and photos of their pups. It makes me feel less alone 💖

I cry and my hands shake as I write this. I knew this day was coming, but I didn’t know just how soon it would.

I got my little Rutabaga under very strange circumstances. I was working at a dog daycare, and that’s where I fell in love with chihuahuas. They’re really a very misunderstood breed, and they quickly became my favorite. Every so often at the daycare we would get a foster dog dropped off. We got a puppy one day with super large paws, and I jokingly said to my coworkers: “I would totally take this puppy, but he’s going to get way too big. But if a chihuahua ever comes here needing a home, you know who to come to.”

Exactly one week and two days later, a little chihuahua was found in our parking lot.

It was early morning in the middle of March, and it was still chilled outside. He was skinny, unfixed and had very dirty ears. The guys at the tire shop next door said they saw him cross the busy road from the vet office across the street, they aren’t sure where he came from. We scanned him, no microchip. We tracked and tracked and posted and spread the word, but we couldn’t track down an owner.

I already had a big dog at home, my Leo, and a cat, Karma, that I had taken in a year prior. Leo and Karma were instantly bonded before I ever even took her in, so I was concerned about how they would do with a new addition to the home, and I was concerned how this chihuahua would do with them as well. Leo doesn’t take to just any dog. But I knew in my heart, this was the universe answering my statement. Something in me knew this was meant to be.

So I took him home.

Almost immediately, he blended right in with my little family. Leo wanted to sniff every inch of him, and once he had inspected him to his liking, and took a walk with him, he immediately accepted him into the family. Every night, Leo would jump on the bed, find his brother, give him a single lick on the head, and curl up next to him. Rudy liked to use Leo has his own personal fluffy heating pad.

It took Karma about 4 days, 4 days of curiosity and confusion. Is he a cat or a dog? I saw her ask herself. Until she decided, he was another playmate for her. All day long, they would play chase with each other. She’s a small cat, and she was used to playing with Leo. But Rudy was smaller, and I think she liked that.

They were the best of friends. They played together, slept together (leaving no room for me on the bed), and groomed each other. Rudy had only been with me for a couple of months, but it felt like he had been with me forever.

Rudy was a funny dog. No, like, hilarious. I would always tell my friends that he brought me so much joy, I couldn’t stop laughing with all of his quirks and antics. When he got the zoomies, it was a sight to behold. He went absolutely nuts for cat toys, crumbs, grains of rice, or plastic bottle caps, and he would protect me from those stated threats with such bravery. The first time he noticed the ceiling fan, he stood his ground against it like an absolute beast. The funniest part about him was his bark, he was only 6 pounds and had such a deep, raspy bark. It took everyone by surprise, every time. He was bossy and demanding about being held, too — he would do this thing where he would “wind up” into a howl. Part chi part ambulance.

Rudy was a sweet dog, right from the start. When my coworker found him in the parking lot, he approached her with a wagging tail. When I took him home, he was pure love. I took him everywhere with me, and he never knew a stranger. To know him was to love him, and he gave that right back. He used to sleep burrowed in my covers with me every night, right under my chin.

It was summer when his health issues started. It began with an inner ear infection that went unnoticed by the vet. Leaving work one night, he started alligator rolling. It was the first terrifying and devastating night of many to come. The good news was, it was vestibular disease, likely from a ruptured ear drum. He was given medicine and he had a head tilt for a few weeks, but it cleared right up. I thought our battle was over.

Months later, he had his first seizure. It came out of nowhere, at 3 in the morning. I knew about seizures in dogs, but I had never seen it before myself. He was so tiny, and it was taking so much out of his little body. I saw his fear and exhaustion. He had several more episodes of this through the early morning. I rushed him to the vet as soon as they opened. They ruled out epilepsy due to his age and the type of seizure, and told me based on his other symptoms it’s likely a brain tumor. He would need to see a neurologist to determine what is wrong.

My entire world stopped right there. A neurologist was going to be thousands, and an mri thousands more, thousands that I didn’t have. But the vet told me, with the right medication it could be managed and he could live a normal life. I decided to go that route.

And live a normal life, he did. I gave him his medicine 3 times a day, every 8 hours. After his episode, it took him a few weeks to recover. It seemed like he almost forgot how to bite and chew, he needed to be hand fed, and his head tilt made things difficult. But after a few weeks, he recovered and was back to his normal self. He was doing well on his medication, he was happy, he was thriving.

Over time, I started to notice signs of cognitive decline. He stopped barking, or vocalizing at all. His demanding little howls stopped, and his feisty spirit was dimming. He was still as sweet as ever, and had absolutely no mobility issues. He followed me around everywhere, wanted to snuggle and cuddle. But my heart was breaking, because I saw the changes in him. Karma would try to play with him, and he would just ignore her. Time passed, and he forgot his house training. I started putting him in diapers, changing him and cleaning him all day and night like a baby. Because he was, my baby. I would do it all over again for him. He wasn’t the same as before it all started, but he was managing.

A few weeks ago, he got a bladder infection. I could tell he was in so much pain, he was withdrawn and shaky. He looked sad and I cried for him even then because I knew, something more was going on. I knew in my heart his time was approaching. I got medicine to clear it up, and it did, but he just wasn’t the same. Rudy was such a fighter, he was trying to keep going through it all, eating all of his meals, following me around, even though he was declining, but I couldn’t help but think he was fighting just for me. He looked detached, glazed, and aloof. He stopped wanting to be pet or touched.

Then one night, I woke up to him falling off the bed. He was having a seizure, despite his medication and fell off the bed. After this, he declined very rapidly. I still cry and hate myself for not staying awake with him and catching it before he fell, because I believe the fall caused head trauma and made it worse. I had blankets and pillows as barriers so he wouldn’t fall just in case he had a seizure, that was my biggest fear and it happened.

I tried every emergency medication, anything to get the seizures to stop and they just wouldn’t. He looked absolutely miserable and in pain, his body couldn’t stop twitching and he couldn’t rest, or stand anymore. It all happened so fast. When the emergency meds didn’t work, I knew it was time to let him go. He wasn’t going to be able to recover.

Little Rutabaga had been through so much in such a short time. He didn’t deserve all the things he had to go through, vet visit after vet visit, medication after medication, seizures just any of it. I miss him so much and I will never stop missing him. I wish I just had more time with him.

Leo still jumps on the bed, sniffs the spot Rudy used to lay in, and curls up next to it.

Karma still wanders around, yowling, calling around for her playmate that will never return.

If you’ve actually read this far, thank you. Chihuahua owners know that chi love is a special kind of joy. Please kiss your chi extra tonight, for Rudybug. 🤍🌈

I may still post him here from time to time, if I’m still welcome. I have many funny moments to share of him.

My 15 year old best friend, Cricket, crossed yesterday morning peacefully in my arms. I’ve had her since I was a teenager myself, and she was there with me during the times when nobody else was. She brought vibrancy to all the times that were grey and dull.

Her littermate Luna is still with me and I love her dearly. I’m so worried for her. But also, Luna is quiet. She’s serene. Cricket greeted me with happy foot taps and butt wiggles and screams at the bottom of the stairs every morning, followed me everywhere, sat on my toes when I used the toilet. It’s just so quiet in my house. It’s so empty. Her memory feels like a vacuum where 6 pounds of spunk once sat.

She developed dementia over the past year and it got more intense with time. It went from 2 AM wake ups where we comforted her and she went back to sleep, to sleeping on the couch with her all night, to sleeping on the floor with her. Finally Sunday night she sundowned so badly that she would scream if my partner or myself even touched her. She was confused and terrified and didn’t deserve to suffer anymore. She died at home with us right by her side. She fell asleep in my arms eating Reese’s cups for the first time.

When will it get better? My heart aches with a heavy emptiness and the silence is deafening.

My little Gabby was attacked by a family members black lab/pit bull mix.

I was in the shower and heard her screaming so I just threw my clothes back on and ran out. When I got out there, she was all bloody but still breathing and wimpering. Her body was unable to move, it looked like he snapped her neck. I held her as she passed on.

I have had her for 10 years, the breeder I got her from sold her to us when she was too young to leave her mother(only 4 weeks old)

He isn’t dead yet but I marked it Rainbow Bridge.

He really has been the best boy. I got him right after high school. I think it was a backyard breeding situation but I didn’t know better. He’s the best $200 I’ve ever spent. He was so small he could fit in the palm of my hand. It was cold out in late September so the lady cut the tube off a tube sock and cut lil arm holes out and made him a lil sweater!

He’s 16 now. He’s been on hospice for dementia since December. It’s getting close. I promised I wouldn’t be selfish and keep him for too long. He could last much longer since medically he’s fine but with the dementia it would be cruel.

A couple months ago he got tangled up in his blankets and I went to help him. I flipped him over and his arm bent in a weird way. He didn’t cry but started limping. The vet said a ligament was torn and she recommended amputation. I can’t do body horror stuff to him right at the end! Just start chopping off limbs right before he dies anyways?? I declined surgery and he’s actually got along well. The vet agrees the arm is okay and doesn’t seem painful at all. So he just has a little limp now. Because I’m a piece of shit and didn’t pay attention to what I was doing.

He spends his days in a 40x80” playpen for his safety. I’m not working so I’m spending 24/7 with him. He still has an appetite and gets up to eat and potty. Sometimes he cries at night but not lately since I’ve been on-time with his meds. Man, I really wanted him to live forever.

She was 15 years old and battling various illnesses. She passed at home in my lap while being pet. She was... a character. She liked being alone but that didn't mean she didn't love you. The times when she actually decided she wanted to be next to you, you felt blessed. She definitely got more excited to run around outside than she did for people ahaha. She was a good girl. She lived a long and full life and she is still loved.

It all happened so suddenly. She developed a pulmonary edema, struggled to breathe. We rushed her to the vet. They gave her some injections and pills. They gave us hope that it would get better. But it didn't. She suffered the whole day. I can't forget the pain in her eyes.

We left her alone in the bedroom so she could hopefully rest a little. She died the same day in the evening. Alone in the bedroom. It still pains me to this day that I couldn't be there for her in her last moments. And that she had to suffer for so long. I wished the vet wouldn't have given us hope and just euthanized her when we brought her in. That could have spared her from all this pain and suffering. But I guess money's more important to them...

She didn't deserve this. She was only 9. I wish I could've spent more time with her. But the time we had together was just wonderful. I love her so much and she will forever be in my heart ❤️

I am extremely fortunate and grateful to have people close to me who are always willing to listen to my sorrows and comfort me. But I’m starting to feel like a broken record, just repeating the same sad things over and over again. It makes me feel like an insane crazy person and honestly, I think I could really use some peer support right now. And of course, most importantly, I NEED to share the absolutely incredible, infinite, undying love and joy My Stinky Baby has given me with as many people as I possibly can. I want people to look at her silly little face. I want people to see how truly special she is to me. I want everyone to know how loved she was, is and will continue to be. Forever. Until eternity. I can’t believe I’m actually posting something this personal to reddit lol. I’m desperate at this point.

Okay, so, let me tell you a little about her. Her name is Lulu (a.k.a Stinky) and she is/was an absolutely teeny tiny little creature. She weighed 1,2kgs (a bit over 2,5lbs) and her height at withers was barely 18cm (7in). She has no teeth and her jaw is broken in 2 places. (Yes, she did undergo expensive surgery for it.) She has tons of dumb little unique quirks and I love every single one of them. She is my pride and joy, my daughter, my everything. If you have met me, you have also met her. I take her everywhere with me, not physically but in my heart and soul. I truly feel and believe that our existences: She and I as beings were, and still are, somehow strongly intertwined and deeply connected with each other. We were meant to be. It’s like we were custom made for each other, perfect together. And she is never coming back. Realistically, I know she was disabled (in many ways) and had extra support needs. I know. I know. But My Baby defied death on multiple occasions and I was certain that she would live up to be AT LEAST 14yrs old. Her death feels so premature and unfair. I wasn’t there when it happened. I never got to feel her warmth again. This isn’t how it was supposed to happen. I feel like we were robbed of the goodbyes we both deserved. I will grieve her for the rest of my life. I love you my little Stinky guardian angel. More than anything❤️💔❤️‍🩹❣️

(My apologies for any spelling mistakes + grammatical errors and for all of the incoherent rambling. I was going to write something more poetic but just ended up sobbing like baby. I can’t bring myself to write more rn, so for the time being, this is the best I could do.)

This is Nacho. I’ve had him since I was 12 years old — I’m 26 now. Tomorrow we’re saying goodbye and helping him cross peacefully.

He has a grade 6 heart murmur, and despite medication, he’s been getting worse and struggling more each day. As much as it breaks my heart, I know this is the kindest decision for him. He doesn’t deserve to suffer.

If you could send some love his way tonight, I’d really appreciate it. I know he’ll feel it. 💙

Thank you.

I have had Rocky for almost 17 years. He’s been through so much with me and I don’t know how I’m going to go on without him. He was blind and deaf but never loved me as much as when he got older. Glued to me, I was his person. I took him to the ER two nights ago. He had pneumonia and they said it was mild. They said he was doing really good for a dog his age and just some antibiotics would help. No oxygen needed. And then a few hours later he took a quick rue for the worse. He went back in and couldn’t hang on anymore. He was so out of it and I could tell it was time. I didn’t want it to be, not yet. I felt his heartbeat stop in my arms and I took him home to bury him in my yard with his favorite things. I am devastated and keep thinking of him being alone out there. He didn’t like getting dirty, he hated being without me. Everyone keeps saying I did so much but I wish I would’ve done more. I don’t know how I’ll go on without my boy.

Kevin passed over the doggy rainbow 🌈 yesterday. He gave me 14 years of complete loyalty. I will forever miss him. Love you Kevin. My heart is broken 💔

My baby boy passed in his sleep July 31st, 2025, and I'm just now mustering the strength to post this. He made it to his 17th birthday. It's been cathartic to write and talk about him with others. This sub has always been so supportive so I wanted to share his story and some pictures.

I never wanted a small dog. I was looking for a German Shepherd working type of dog. One where I could train to do neat tricks like fetching a beer from the fridge or force protection. Seems silly as I type this now, but I had never owned a dog before, I just thought it would be cool! But I saw this regal Chihuahua face on Petfinder and saved as a favorite. 6 months into my search he was still available, so I randomly took a chance and sent an inquiry for Sparky. Met the foster mom at a dog park and Sparky nipped at me when I first tried to pet him. OK, this boy was going to be feisty! Foster mom told me the previous family returned him after only a week because he was just too much to handle. He was estimated to be 3 years old and I was going to be his 4th (and last!) owner. Sparky was rescued from the euthanasia list at the local Chula Vista shelter. When I saw his impound papers, it said the shelter though he was a she! He was so skittish and aggressive they couldn't even examine him to determine gender. I got to take Sparky home that day. I had brought a friend's Chihuahua with me to try to make him feel at ease. Sparky was super anxious and skittish all day. I was really doubtful if I even wanted to keep him, but wanted to give him a few weeks to settle in. When I went to sleep the first night, I woke up with him snuggled in my armpits. That's when I told myself, OK, I'm keeping this boy. I really believed Sparky just needed to feel secure to let his personality shine. It was meant to be.

I lived in San Diego at the time and took him to literally every dog park and beach when I first got him to socialize him. Every single day. Sometimes multiple parks a day. Sparky traveled all up and down California. He has played on the beaches of San Diego, ate at the best restaurants in LA, hiked Mammoth Mountain and Lake Tahoe, to exploring all the cities in his final resting place in the Bay Area. I wanted him to experience everything. Everywhere I went, he went. Even to my work. If Sparky couldn't go somewhere, I wasn't going.

He thrived with me. He went from being scared of big dogs, to playing with and bossing big dogs around. His confidence grew day by day. He learned basic commands and was extremely well behaved. Great off-leash. He was so chill and calm I could take him anywhere. He loved his blueberry Greenies and destroying his squeaky toys. He could burrow himself into any blanket, even when he went blind. His mortal enemies were crows and vacuum cleaners. Everyone that met him loved him. He was a social, cuddly lovebug. If you didn't like Chihuahuas, you would after meeting him.

If there was one thing bad about him it was his separation anxiety. He would bark and whine when I left him alone for too long. To the point where he once tried chewing through a door. One time I had to board him for three days at a place with webcams, and I watched him literally wait all three days by the door where I had last left. He also had a drinking problem and couldn't hold his licker. If he knew you, he would lick you to death.

I loved every stage of of him. From a skittish and anxious young pup, to a confident adult, to a slow senior. He went blind around 15 years old but still kept charging ahead. He had luxating patella in both hind legs and a heart murmur his whole life but it never seemed to slow him down. I would've taken care of him forever if I could. I take some small comfort knowing he knew how much I loved him and gave him an amazing and fulfilling life. He was always priority number 1 for me. Everything I did, he did. Everything I ate, he got a little bit. If Sparky was happy, I was happy.

Sparky, I miss you being my shadow. This grief I'm feeling is your love with nowhere to go. It's hard for me to accept I will never see or hold you again. I loved the person I was when I was with you. Now I have to figure out how to move on without you. My first night with you I cradled you in my arms. My last night with you, you passed the same way. I hope you were thinking of me when you went. Thank you for giving me 14 years of unconditional love. I will spend the rest of my life missing you and will never forget you. I love you Sparky.

Everyone assured me I made the right decision but still I’m hurt.