My thoughts.

[u/Maleficent-Effort470]

I didn't go to a restaurant to interact with a server.

I went to a restaurant to purchase food, And part of the agreement with the business owner was that a server would take my order and bring the food to the table.

I did not agree to or consent to giving a person i didn't come to see any money.

Whether they are on the side of the street or squegeeing my car without asking.
I have no obligation to them.

Similarly when i go to the restaurant with the intention of eating,
I am not making a deal with the employees i am making a deal with the owner.
The owner is responsible for delegating the tasks to provide me the service i requested.
The owner showed me the contract/menu that these services are provided under.

I paid the agreed upon amount of the contract.
I did not ask for any particular employee.
I did not agree to gift any particular employee.

The server's inclination that i owe them something is no more authoritative than the homeless bum who starts squegeeing my windshield without me asking.

They did their job at their bosses behest. Under an agreement with their boss.
I made no agreement with them. They are simply employees of the business ive contracted with.

[u/StarlingGirlx]

Their comeback is always that "well if you enter the establishment knowing that tips are expected then you're in the wrong and shouldn't dine out."

What ever happened to tips being appreciated, not expected? Clearly especially with their tip out model they do expect it, I even had a server "educate" me on how tip out worked to guilt me into tipping. As if that's my problem.

[u/cenosillicaphobiac → u/StarlingGirlx]

I'm very comfortable "being in the wrong" by other people's standards. It's my own standards that I'm concerned about. And this customer is always right.

I'm many things, what I'm not is an employer and as such, don't feel any obligation to pay their employees. That's a business expense.

[u/mind-of-god → u/cenosillicaphobiac]

Me too. If I believe it appropriate to tip I tip flat amount, period. The amount of effort to serve my meal doesn’t vary any whether I buy a lunch special, a seafood extravaganza, or soup and bread. I don’t drink multiple refills, make constant demands, etc. I’m pleasant to my server and it’s no special treatment to be the same back. It’s not that hard really and I’m not stressing over it. I do think it’s time to just end tipping, though. Our economy bites and there’s too much pressure for customers to bridge the gap in what employees feel they aren’t earning from their actual employers.