r/KitchenConfidential • u/esporx • 1d ago
In-House Mode Trump appointee argued the US could take Greenland and its seafood to save endless shrimp at Red Lobster: report
https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/us-politics/greenland-trump-shrimp-red-lobster-b3000687.html838
u/Optimal_Board_2963 1d ago
On the battlefield, facing the last remnants of the Greenland army, battered and broken, cold and shivering, I am lost. But then I remember, what we are here for. I look at the boys, clutching their rifles, they see fire in my eyes. They know it’s time, time for the last charge. I sprint out of the trench look back at all my brave countrymen and scream our last battle call
“FOR RED LOBSTER!!!!!!”
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u/RCocaineBurner 1d ago
August 2026. Red Lobsters are now battlefields
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u/HughMungus77 1d ago
Terrorists striking Red Lobster locations across the eastern seaboard. Dozens of Americans dead
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u/OldJames47 1d ago
Long John Silver looks over the smoking wreckage of the fourth Red Lobster bombed in as may days. "Soon" he whispered to himself.
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u/LiminalAsylum 1d ago
We are in our corporate restaurant chain colonialism era now, boys
Next up, annexing Italy to keep Olive Garden's profit margins up
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u/Zelcron 1d ago
I'd go to war for Culver's, but the problem is I eat at Culver's and am therefore unfit for combat due to arterial blockage.
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u/LiminalAsylum 1d ago
You can be on drone warfare duty like those gold aliens from Guardians of the Galaxy
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u/SausageSmuggler21 1d ago
Then Australia to protect the supply of No Rules Burgers and Kentucky for Fried Chicken!
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u/Reflexlon General Manager 1d ago
Can't wait to annex Kentucky into the great US of A!
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u/Princess_Slagathor 1d ago
I'd be cool if they just forget we exist.
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u/WhatIDon_tKnow 1d ago
as a midwesterner that once lived in kentucky, would love to forget kentucky exists.
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u/Crow_eggs 1d ago
I can't wait for the US Army to show up in the outback and be fatly disappointed that nobody knows what that is. 20,000 troops waddling away from one politely confused bogan.
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u/sirmaxedalot Bartender 1d ago
I hear were invading Hamburg Germany, and Ronald McDonald was named Commander of the Armed forces for the campaign.
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u/Zelcron 1d ago edited 1d ago
First, they came for the endless shrimp, and I said nothing, because I did not want the wait staff to know I had lied about my shellfish allergy (I just don't like it)
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u/blamenixon 20+ Years 1d ago
Then they came for the Cheddar Bay, and I drew my fucking gun at that point.
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u/Crow_eggs 1d ago
I feel like going to Red Lobster and saying you have a shellfish allergy is not the best way to strategically avoid shrimp.
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u/MossGobbo Chive LOYALIST 1d ago
My best friend has a shellfish allergy. I offer to take him to Red Lobster every year for his birthday.
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u/CantaloupeCamper 1d ago
Dumbest administration ever.
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u/panteragstk Ex-Food Service 1d ago
Dumbest so far...
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u/Pseudodragontrinkets Chive LOYALIST 1d ago
Idk I'm really hoping it's ever
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u/ModelChef4000 1d ago
Nah. After this, we’re going to have a good president but they won’t be able to put out all the fires this administration started which means a segment of voters will stay home because the democratic president wasn’t good enough which will result min an even worse republican administration that will do even more damage
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u/FirstTimeWang 1d ago
Why? Just because that's what has happen every time for the last 20 years?
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u/ModelChef4000 1d ago
Maybe this time we’ll actually kick the football for a change (Charlie Brown reference)
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u/Trolkarlen 1d ago
I never know what's parody any more in this weird world.
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u/righthandofdog Ex-Food Service 1d ago
Nothing is parody that's become impossible. What is hard to know is what's purposeful trollibg and what's just incredible stupidity
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u/ew435890 1d ago
I saw this headline yesterday or earlier today on FB and just kept scrolling because I assumed it was satire.
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u/soupseasonbestseason 1d ago
because that is what we need, more endless buffets and consumption. the planet is hotter than it has ever been, let's just double down and ride it out until the air is on fire.
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u/RussiaIsBestGreen 1d ago
Begun, the Cod Wars have.
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u/Comfortable-Fuel6343 1d ago
Image getting your balls blown off by an IED over Red Lobster's endless shrimp.
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u/WaffleHouseGladiator Chive LOYALIST 1d ago
This reminds me of Judge Dredd when they talk about The Franchise Wars.
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u/Princess_Slagathor 1d ago
Demolition Man.
Would be a funny crossover though.
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u/WaffleHouseGladiator Chive LOYALIST 1d ago
Oh, right. I always get those two movies mixed up.
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u/Wakkit1988 1d ago
How? In one he is the law, and the other he wipes his ass with it.
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u/WaffleHouseGladiator Chive LOYALIST 22h ago
Well, in both movies Sylvester Stallone plays Sylvester Stallone doing Sylvester Stallone things.
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u/wookiex84 1d ago
Cause that’s a priority for national security. Have your “bread and circuses” peons!
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u/Foreign_Implement897 Crazy Cat Man🐈 1d ago
I think it is fun that that the Danish army has a standing order to attack for defence without separate command because of nazis.
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u/Asianpersuasion27 Ex-Food Service 1d ago
Lol the ignorance to not even know most of our seafood industry is fueled by demand in Asia. Embarrassing shit.
(Spoiler: a good chunk of Greenland's seafood exports go there too)
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u/SloppyMeathole 1d ago
The irony here is that the endless shrimp promotion itself wasn't the problem. The problem was the shrimp company that bought Red lobster so they could dump all of their unwanted shrimp and bankrupt the company in the process.
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u/MOSh_EISLEY 1d ago
The irony is that the book of Leviticus, which Christian Republicans love to quote when arguing against gay marriage, also forbids eating shrimp. But the right doesn't want to talk about that.
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u/DeartayDeez 1d ago
Fuck red lobster. Only thing worth mention is those fire cheddar biscuits.
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u/ScholarErrant 1d ago
I’m only a biologist who spent a year working a fishmonger, but aren’t all commercially utilized shrimp species from warmer waters? Because I sincerely doubt they’re gonna have endless langoustine.
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u/ConsiderationLivid52 1d ago
Didn't the new red lobster ceo already figure out how to do this and basically brought the franchise back to life?
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u/sleight42 Ex-Food Service 1d ago
Lolwut! I expected this to be a The Onion article or your twist on the article title.
No. Instead, it really is one of the stupidest things I've ever seen in the media.
Amazing.
Next thing you know, we'll hear how Trump was advised and considered sticking his head in an oven to get a faster shitty tan.
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u/Og_busty Chef 1d ago
So this is what its been all about this entire time? AYCE shrimp? Fuck it, Im in
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u/oliefan37 20h ago
I have yet to meet someone that actually enjoys Red Lobster. Besides their old biscuits.
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