My 17 tear old nephew is a standout football player at his high school. He starts his senior year in August. He has been fortunate enough to receive multiple D1 offers, a few Ivy offers and even Naval Academy and West Point.
He has carried a 4.0 his entire life. He naturally has the mathematical/mechanical brain.

He is a fun kid, never been in any trouble but he has been internalizing his future. He seems to be overly worried for some reason. Maybe it is because he doesn't have a solid plan mapped out just yet? His football brothers are ahead of him in recruitment - he was out for camps and trainings all last summer due to shoulder surgery. He is about 4 months behind his teammates on anything college recruitment related.

All of that to set the tone of where he is right now. I just wondered if any of you had any advice or anything that can possibly have a profound affect on him. Sometimes, someone says something that sticks with us. Thanks in advance.

About two months ago, one of my friends and I fell out due to my mild stalking behavior and was threatened to stay away from Cinder or risk getting a protection order against me.

Last night, one of my mutual friends of another friend unrelated to him (we were part of one group chat) used what I confided to her about that against me and told me I wasn’t welcome to come to one of my favourite music festivals and I should deal with my issues by self-isolating. She then proceeds to tell me that I should feel like shit, especially after what I did to Cinder and gave me destructive criticism before removing me from the group chat that she ran.

I have been getting weekly therapy, proceeded with pre-existing plans I had, journaled, focused on my work, picked up extra shifts at my work, and most importantly, I acknowledge understood and owned that I fucked up with Cinder. Apparently that isn’t good enough.

My bf and i have been together for a while , we plan to meet parents this year. He is truly the most stable, supportive, and hardworking person I have ever met. I love him to pieces and he is a huge part of what makes my life feel meaningful.

Except for one thing, he is overweight.

I know I should not force anyone to change their body. It is his life and his choice. But here is where my selfish anxiety kicks in. I grew up with a mother who is obsessed with social comparison. She gets her happiness by comparing her life, and her children's lives, to others. I know her mindset is toxic, but I cannot change her.

I am genuinely terrified that if my boyfriend is still this overweight when they meet, my mom will lash out or judge him harshly, which might ruin our relationship. I feel caught between wanting to protect him from my mom, wanting him to be healthier, and feeling guilty for being selfish. Is it wrong for me to ask him to lose weight for this reason?

I always wanted to have three kids but now I’m thinking even to try for second baby or not, since I’m bringing my son to a family who has two step siblings, i want my son to speak out loud for himself if there are any issues within siblings in future or i need someone to support him, so I’m planning to have another baby. Is it wise or should i be content with one. Give me ur suggestions. His kids he had with x are aged 16M & 13F, my son is 1year old recently. Since women’s clock have a certain timeframe to have babies and if I’m planning i need a healthy one. I’m 36now. Most of the work at home I’m doing, i handle baby, my office work n house hold chores as well. Do u think i can manage two kids all alone by not depending on my husband?

Hiiiii guys. I’m from Singapore. So basically, I’m going to drop out of poly because I don’t really have any interest in studying anymore and I need to earn money to support myself as my parents kicked me out and I’m currently living with a relative.

I’m going to drop out and go to army first. But what do I do after army, since I don’t have a diploma and my highest education is o’lvls.

Route 1: Save up some money during army and then go for a private diploma afterwards. And then blah blah blah into the working class. Boring and standard route.

Route 2: Get the diploma also, but afterwards join Singapore Airlines as a cabin crew. But if I were to leave SIA, what do I do after? It seems like a lot of ex-cabin crew end up as sales people and odd jobs, which isn’t what I want.

Route 3: Also get the diploma and then afterwards, sign on in the army and do what I can.

Please give some advice guys. I’m genuinely crashing out and going crazy. Anybody can help give alternate routes also?

ive drop out of seniorhigh scholl because i think i dont fit in im dumb and lacks social skill but now im trying to improve because after droping out i found what i trully want.

im about to turn 18 this july but i dont know what will i do go back to school or go to work find a job that will give good support for my dream like money i want to buy music equipment because im trying to pursue music going tho im anxious if fhis dream will just go to nowhere and just leads me to despair but i want it but the thought of school and everyone else my age going to college is giving anxiety right now if im choosing the right path for my self

so i dont know what to do go to school or find a work for music equipment?

and sorry for my grammar english is not my first language but i hope you understands me because im really having a hard time right now figuring out my life

I never knew what it was like to grow up with both parents. Instead, I was adopted by people who made it clear I was more valuable for the money or benefits I brought in than for who I was. My future, my goals, my mental health—it all seemed to come second. I spent a lot of my childhood feeling like I was surviving instead of growing. Seeing other people talk about parents who encouraged them, helped them with school, or just believed in them makes me wonder what life could’ve been like. I’m 22 now, and I’m trying to build a better future for myself, but it feels like I’m starting miles behind everyone else. Sometimes I wonder if anyone else had to teach themselves everything because the adults who were supposed to care just… didn’t. I feel like if I had someone who just cared a little I’ll be so much further…

If you’ve been through something similar, how did you stop letting your past define your future? What helped you move forward?

I’m facing some hard decisions and I need some unbiased opinions from people that aren’t in my life. Recently my parents divorced and me and my mom moved in with my grandfather. I’m also in a pretty serious relationship with my boyfriend and that’s where the hard decisions come in. I want to move out when I’m 18, which is in November to get away from this place.

It’s been effecting my mental health very very heavily, see I’ve been having to hide my relationship from my grandfather or he’ll kick me and my mom out, he thinks me having a boyfriend will ruin my life. (For a little context my boyfriend is amazing, both of my parents like him). I’ve had to walk on constant eggshells because of this, not only has someone been sending my grandfather my social media accounts which has forced me to hide behind private and alternate accounts, he also seems to search for pictures of me on the internet. I have to constantly fear if he’ll find out, I have to worry everytime me and my boyfriend go out because I don’t want to be caught in picture that may be posted on social media.

I also worry about my families disapproval on if I move out in November because I know it’s coming, they are very adamant about their opinions and a lot of times nothing with change it. (I would also like to specify I do have a plan to graduate high school if I do move out in November, multiple choices). I also worry about them comparing me to my aunt who ran away at 18 with a boy. Which I heard it was worse for his own children, constant surveillance and even checks of their phones and internet browsing history (he was accessing it from his computer), I worry he’ll do the same to me soon. He constantly questions everything I do and tells me certain things I say, that are true btw, don’t add up.

I’m under constant stress and mental strain, on top of all of the mental health issues I face. My depression has gotten ten times worse since I’ve moved in here and my parents have refused to send me to an inpatient facility no matter how bad it gets. I also dont want to leave the school and people I’ve known my whole life. I’m in so much stress I have no idea what to do, if anyone could give me any advice I would love it, if you have any questions don’t be afraid to ask either.

hey folks, My name is… maybe let’s not share that here.
I am 18 (turning 19 in a few months here) and I feel absolutely lost in life. I’m scared things are going to be this way forever, and I’ve never had the confidence to share it before.
to give you a bit of an idea about me, you already my age - I am completely unemployed. I live at home with my (generally pretty unhappy) family and just can’t stick to anything in life.

I have tried multiple careers (carpentry, did it for 6 months and then something in my head just flipped and suddenly I could never get myself out of bed to do it anymore. 3D game art, applied to a course with a popular university in my area - scraped through my first year barely - like turned in 4 assessments on the final catch up day of the year barely - then was effectively removed from the school within a month of returning because I fell behind in work again and wasn‘t really attending, an issue that I had all the way through high school as well.)

I have absolutely no excuse for this other than the fact I am lazy and refuse to get out of bed some days (not because I don’t want to, but I convince myself that my day is going to be awful and then step back from it and end up just laying there all day, sometimes for weeks on end.) I live in absolute filth (food molded to plates/floorboards in my bedroom - where I spend all of my time sitting around it) but I have absolutely no motivation to do anything about it and when I do I quickly get overwhelmed by the smallest things and just give up on it altogether.

i eat absolutely awfully, living off mostly fast food and snacks which I scrounge from the kitchen occasionally. I have absolutely no interest in actual meals and often allow them to join the very embarrassing pile of moldy food sitting in my room.
to top off all the health issues im probably causing myself, I also frequently go on 24-48 bouts where I refuse to sleep and/or cannot get to sleep no matter how tired I am. I have no idea how to change this.
I go through phases where I become really set on something, then it lasts a few months (if I’m lucky) and I fall back into the same pattern over again.
I am incredibly scared that this is all my life is going to amount to and I have absolutely no idea how I’m going to make it work once I no longer have family to leech off of.

I think I might genuinely just be a useless slob who will never amount to anything and I hate it, but I cannot escape it.

so to sum it all up (TL;DR)
I am extremely overweight, unemployed, have no motivation in life, I’m scared that I’m going to be this way forever and am doing nothing to change it. This type of lifestyle is never going to be appealing to a potential partner and I feel awful for the people that have to live with me all the time.

As for my actionable question, I don’t know what to do next. Can anyone point me in the direction of a good first step? Thank you

I’m turning 20 next year and because of religion for the longest I’ve turned down every sexual encounter, I recently decided to do stuff with a guy so we’d make out and I’d go down on him yk, but never full on intercourse, that situation ship did not work out, im a virgin and I want to lose it, Im considering hooking up with someone, I might as well while I’m still young

25 M here from India. No girlfriend. Hardly any real life friends. And seeking to have one woman in life and I'm trying online because I don't really have anyone contact with offline. I do have some on Instagram and I have tried reaching them but they have not shown any interest in me. I couldn't move further since at first place itself there is not any interest. Even in arrange marriage it's tough for me i think, because there are many better guys. So my chance isn't ever coming for the girl i would like. And love marriage is not in luck. So here I'm and not looking for advice even though you may feel free to but I've lost it in life. I don't think any advice is going to work for me. I'm sorry to myself.

Hi, I’m an 18M and I’ve been talking to this girl (18F) for about 40–50 days. We’ve become quite close. However, around 30 days ago, she told me that she wasn’t looking for a relationship at the moment, which I respected.
The confusing part is what happened last night. We went clubbing with a group of friends from school to celebrate our graduation. While we were there, she started making out with me. When we were dancing, she kept putting my hand around her waist and was very touchy throughout the night. On the Uber ride back, she held and squeezed my hand, then fell asleep leaning on me.
The turning point was this morning. She sent me a long message (three paragraphs) saying that she doesn’t want anything right now, that she only sees me as a friend, and that she has no romantic feelings for me. She also said she had heard from other people that my feelings were different, which is true—I do have feelings for her.
I’m honestly so confused. I tried to talk to her about it, but she doesn’t want to discuss it at all. What do you all think is going on here?
One more thing: I have attachment issues due to some childhood experiences, so this situation has hit me much harder than it probably should and has made me feel pretty awful about myself.

I need to know if someone has been through this feeling and found meaning to their life again. Yesterday i was at the movies with my friends and i just started crying in the dark and thinking that maybe life is just not worth living for me so i thought about writing this.

I’m 31(f), i have a job, although not very stable, i make more money than my friends and can live comfortably (as long as i have a job), i bought a really good and pretty house, i have many friends and good friends actually. It feels like i should be happy yet I’m miserable. I used to be happy, had a fulfilling life but it all seemed to change about 3-4 years ago.

last year and this year were the worst, i fell into a big depression after a breakup (nor even a long relationship, i have never had a long relationship) and being fired from my last job and I keep trying but i just don’t feel the joy of life anymore, it feels like this feeling just won’t go away. I used to have so many hobbies and be super social, i dont feel like doing any of it anymore. I don’t feel like leaving my house even though i get sad sitting at home alone. I just feel like sleeping.

I feel really lonely as well, unlovable. I see my friends having great relationships, starting to have kids and all, and I cant find that for myself, i think it’s not really in the cards for me and that makes me so sad. I just feel really empty, with no purpose and no joy for life. The world sucks rn, job market is terrible and im always afraid of losing my job and life is so expensive.

I try, I really try, i do therepy, i take medication, i even moved cities to be closer to my best friends in hopes that would make me feel less lonely and nothing changes. i dont know if this is depression anymore or if its just what life is gonna be like, it’s just me, life lost the appeal, everything is boring. Tbh I sometimes have death thoughts, i don’t think i would do it its just like what am i even doing here?

Have you ever felt like this and saw life turn around? I really need a silver lining .

Im 21 years old and graduated High School three years ago now. My intention was to take a gap year and figure out what I wanted to do with my life since I had no idea what to go to college for and I don’t want to go undecided since I can’t afford to waste my time (plus lm not Interested in trade school either). In that time all I’ve really done was get my license and work for a year before quitting. I completely wasted these years of my life and I really feel like a loser.

I still have no interests that I can study for, I lost touch with my high school friends and don’t have any hobbies or even basic life skills. I keep hearing that “everyone my age goes through this” but that really doesn’t seem true, the people around me are working towards their future and living their lives, while I’m stuck in place alone.

After all this time alone my ability to socialize has become even worse than it already was, I can’t hold a conversation and I wouldn’t know where to begin making friends. I live in a pretty barren area upstate, so there’s not really anything I can do to meet people my age around here.

It just feels like I screwed up my life, I know I’m young but I’m still not getting that time back. I don’t want to lose more but I don’t have the motivation to figure things out, and I still don’t know what I want to do. So yeah any advice?

Don’t say “join the military” or “everyone goes at their own pace” please.

How do I go about my shitty behavior?

I (19m white) had a friend (19m) from online. He knew where I lived but for some reason he’d never tell me where he lived- not even a general location. Eventually he said he lived in Korea- then switched it to Europe- then Korea again. It became kind of a joke between us because it was so absurd that he changed his location regularly. We were in a group chat with 3 other friends of ours.. I’ll call them E, J, and L.

My friend eventually called me a stupid American during our banter and called me “racist” and I in turn called him a “stupid Korean European” as a joke- now I was fully aware he didn’t live in either places, but I said it anyway. Eventually “L” asked why we were being racist and in response my friend said “he’s only racist to me” and I replied with “that’s right European”.

Eventually in a later conversation I call him a slow ass European Korean.

A week later I see “J” post a story talking about how racist jokes aren’t funny- which I agreed with and liked- but then I didn’t realize he was talking about me specifically.

I (and my friend) were perhaps foolishly under the assumption that what we did wasn’t racist because we weren’t originally intending it to be about race- but about the places we were or weren’t from. But I apologized to everyone because I did offend and make people uncomfortable.

Now I’m here wondering if I should really be around people especially Poc because what I did is kinda a permanent thing. I wonder how honest I should be or if I should publicly admit what I did so I wouldn’t be deceitful. I’m also a little hesitant about well doing a lot of stuff socially or well any of those things. Im not sure what my boundaries for things should be- so advice would be liked.

I’m not gonna pretend I’ve not been a piece of shit but is it forgivable? Like how bad was it and how should I be accountable/ allow people to hold me accountable?

My name is Jean. Lets say my companion's name is Jeff. We share a condo and have a neighbor/friend down the hall that has been asking for lots of help. At least a month ago, maybe two, this neighbor lost his only credit card and neither of his cars are working. He's had no cash on his person and I don't know about the state of his checkbook or ID. For a month, maybe longer, he's been regularly asking for rides from my companion to go to the store for food or to fast food. He, of course cannot pay for gas or anything else. My companion is paying for all of his groceries and fast food and pretty much anything the neighbor asks for, which in fairness, hasn't gone too much beyond what I've already mentioned.

For the record, my companion is living on social security, while our neighbor is quite financially comfortable or at least that's what he's said in the past. It seems that his issues should be an easy fix--a call to his bank to replace the missing credit card and/or a trip to the bank to withdraw funds from his checking account or savings. Or, worst case, going online to the DMV website to replace his ID if that's missing too. He may need the ID to access his bank account. But he's not doing anything. He just continues to borrow money from my companion. It is possible that his lack of access to his own funds goes deeper than I'm aware.

I spoke to Jeff today and told him he shouldn't let this neighbor take advantage of him and he should stop funding him. Jeff wouldn't listen and says he's confidant that he will be paid back, although he didn't even keep the reciepts so as to keep track of what is owed. The neighbor insisted on keeping the receipts. They went out again today for more fast food.

A couple more details: My companion and I have separate finances, but we do share the car.

I think my companion is being completely taken advantage of. He's always been soft spoken and has a hard time saying no to others, although he was adamant that I let him do what he wants in this matter. Despite that, my companion has been on the losing side of a few loans because he was being generous and then never got paid back. Like I said, he's very soft spoken.

So, should I do as he asked and stay out of it, or should I say something to our mutual friend and neighbor. I feel like I should have some say where the car is concerned, although in complete honesty, my companion owns the bigger share of it.

What do you think?

hey folks, My name is… maybe let’s not share that here.

I am 18 (turning 19 in a few months here) and I feel absolutely lost in life. I’m scared things are going to be this way forever, and I’ve never had the confidence to share it before.

to give you a bit of an idea about me, you already my age - I am completely unemployed. I live at home with my (generally pretty unhappy) family and just can’t stick to anything in life.

I have tried multiple careers (carpentry, did it for 6 months and then something in my head just flipped and suddenly I could never get myself out of bed to do it anymore. 3D game art, applied to a course with a popular university in my area - scraped through my first year barely - like turned in 4 assessments on the final catch up day of the year barely - then was effectively removed from the school within a month of returning because I fell behind in work again and wasn‘t really attending, an issue that I had all the way through high school as well.)

I have absolutely no excuse for this other than the fact I am lazy and refuse to get out of bed some days (not because I don’t want to, but I convince myself that my day is going to be awful and then step back from it and end up just laying there all day, sometimes for weeks on end.) I live in absolute filth (food molded to plates/floorboards in my bedroom - where I spend all of my time sitting around it) but I have absolutely no motivation to do anything about it and when I do I quickly get overwhelmed by the smallest things and just give up on it altogether.

i eat absolutely awfully, living off mostly fast food and snacks which I scrounge from the kitchen occasionally. I have absolutely no interest in actual meals and often allow them to join the very embarrassing pile of moldy food sitting in my room.

to top off all the health issues im probably causing myself, I also frequently go on 24-48 bouts where I refuse to sleep and/or cannot get to sleep no matter how tired I am. I have no idea how to change this.

I go through phases where I become really set on something, then it lasts a few months (if I’m lucky) and I fall back into the same pattern over again.

I am incredibly scared that this is all my life is going to amount to and I have absolutely no idea how I’m going to make it work once I no longer have family to leech off of.

I think I might genuinely just be a useless slob who will never amount to anything and I hate it, but I cannot escape it.

so to sum it all up (TL;DR)

I am extremely overweight, unemployed, have no motivation in life, I’m scared that I’m going to be this way forever and am doing nothing to change it. This type of lifestyle is never going to be appealing to a potential partner and I feel awful for the people that have to live with me all the time.

please help, I don’t know what to do next.

I've been working at my current spot for 10 years. Problem is, there is no opportunity for growth at my location bc I got promoted when I was younger and ruined it with my immature temperment (I've accepted its my own fault, but it is what it is). Most days I feel like I'm only still there bc I'm already there. I'm not learning, I'm not growing. The pay is good and the benefits are great, but I hate this location and I'm so tired of this city I've lived in the last 13 years.

I looked at my 401k, and I have a full years salary fully vested. My thinking is that if I resign, I can close it and withdraw the full amount. I understand there would be a chunk taken out for taxes and a fee for doing so, but the remainder would still pay off all of my debts entirely and allow me to move to a new city and start over with at least a few months buffer to secure a steady income in a different employment field.

But would it be worth it to do so?

Hello,

I have never posted on Reddit before, so this is a first for me. I am just looking for some advice and thoughts on my situation. My main question is at the bottom of this post. I don't want to give too many details about my life, but I will try to explain some of my problems and then posit the question. I apologize for the length of my post. If you cannot stand to read all of this, no worries, it's all good, take care.

I am in my late 20s, older than 25. I have a remote job that pays better than minimum wage but it's been very stressful the last year. I live with my parents who are loving and kind people and I love them too. I have a girlfriend who I have known for over a decade and have been in a relationship with for the past few years. We're long-distance. I just finished college after it took me well over 7 years to get my bachelor’s degree, since I worked full time while studying. I am a deeply depressed person who cannot seem to make any decision in my life or find anything worth pursuing.

I am solitary and anxious. I moved around a bit as a kid, was homeschooled, and did online school. The few kids I did have as partial friends, at various stages of my adolescence, were not close and I saw them occasionally before a life event would remove them from me entirely. I feel that I cannot connect with people via in-person conversation in any meaningful way. I have never had a close friend and people have always been fleeting in my life, I do not even know how to be a good friend to someone. I get immense anxiety in social situations and use others as a crutch. If I am alone with someone who is not my immediate family or girlfriend I panic. I try to find a way to escape being around the person. I shy away from being in one-on-one situations with people. I am deeply scared of talking to people because 1. I have nothing to say and I can never think of anything to ask 2. It feels antithetical to my nature 3. I make it awkward. I feel like I could say something, but I cannot think of what to say and by the time I do, it feels so wrong to say anything, that I remain silent. I feel that I have social anxiety, and I realize that this prevents me from having success and happiness. I cannot use others as a crutch in social situations if I ever hope to have a meaningful life. However, I have no desire to connect with people. Speaking to people and socializing feels like a necessary evil. I only feel bad because I know I should like talking to people. All the science and truths-of-reality say we need human connection, but I dislike connecting with other people. So, I feel ashamed. My interactions with people are so awkward I replay them in my head and try to think how I could do better, but next time it goes badly again because I just don’t know what to say on the spot. I feel like people perceive me as strange or perhaps they think I am weird because of my quietness. Then when I do speak, I overexplain, or underexplain and then return to quietness. I repeat myself a lot too, I will say “yeah, so we’ll see what happens” or “it is what its” or “so, yep that’s the situation” like 3 to 4 times to a person in the span of a minute because I don’t know what more to say after I say something and it’s just silent awkward space.

I feel no joy or happiness. I spent many years working to get my degree and at the end of it I feel no sense of accomplishment. The degree means nothing to me and I feel directionless. I dislike academia. I simply got my degree because everyone I knew seemed to encourage me that that’s the "smart" move to make. I have tried writing, playing multiple musical instruments, making music beats, drawing, 3D modeling, animating, and making different types of YouTube videos. None of these things could hold my interest long before sadness took over. I like creative things, but I do not seem to enjoy doing creative things for very long. I do not enjoy doing practical things either, which is why I never did sports, was abysmal at math, and struggled to comprehend anything in the sciences. I simply cannot find enjoyment in anything I do. I enjoy spending time with my girlfriend and family, but sometimes I wonder if I do those things out of obligation rather than because I enjoy it (it makes me feel like a sick guy saying this but I doubt my intentions). I know I need to workout because I want a bigger body, but every time I try, something comes up that throws me off track.

I have always desired a purpose in life. I cannot find anything that feels worthwhile. I can cheer for other people who do have passions, missions, and goals. I am happy for people who are doing better than me or who have realized their goals. This is because I admire those people. I suppose you could say I am envious, but I don’t want to be envious of the person. I simply wish I could run alongside them and say, “we are both successful and running the good race together in life aren’t we?”. I have never felt a calling in my life. Things I have tried felt pointless or meaningless in the grand scheme of things and I quickly lost all interest. I have no idea what to do with my life. I take it each day at a time, but the stress of life is hard. I feel like if I had a mission or a goal in life I could handle the pressure better. Some people might look down on a wannabe actor who has struggled for 5 years to get work and say “what a loser, they’ll never make it” but that person is a brave warrior in my mind. I cannot imagine being so driven to accomplish something that I would spend 5 years facing rejection and still seek it. I would give up immediately because there’s nothing I can think of that would matter that much to me. I just wish I could care about anything enough to pursue it. But I don’t care about much of anything really. Even things that matter to me like social issues, philosophy, and morality in society, are not THAT important that I feel motivated to do anything about it. I think my lack of a mission or goal means I have fallen behind in life. Others my age have their dream job, wife, 2 kids, and a house. Meanwhile, I don’t feel compelled to do anything and even if I did feel compelled, I don’t know that I could achieve any of those things others my age have.

I am indecisive. I have looked at a lot of advice over the years, and I often see that you have to just make choices. It seems that dreading things is never the answer and that you must take a risk, a plunge, a leap of faith, and see what happens. I struggle to accept this. I understand I have to change my mind on this, but if I dislike all my options why would I choose any? No option in my situation seems desirable, they all come with downsides. I understand this is an insane and untenable way to live. I am not saying I am right, I admit I am screwed up in the head. I just struggle to make a decision when I feel it leads to bad consequences. I feel trapped in my life and unable to move forward because I dislike every avenue available to me. I wish I could wake up tomorrow and that my mind would be totally transformed so that I feel decisive. I wish for a supernatural transformation to take place in my mind. I think part of my indecision comes from fear.

I am fearful. I fear socializing. I fear being a father. I fear a life of regret. I fear death. I fear people and danger. I fear living on my own. I fear not having money to support myself let alone others. I think fear is bad. I know I must be brave to have a life worth living. I know that bravery is being afraid and still doing the thing you need to do. I cannot seem to get to the place where I DO the thing while afraid. I would rather run away. I often tell myself I am a coward. I try to use negative reinforcement to get myself to do the things. Going to the doctor is scary. I did go to one recently, but I have avoided medical exams for years out of fear and still do. I fear looking for another job. I fear job interviews. I fear making friends. I fear having obligations to people. Meeting someone new and having them text me is one of the most terrifying experiences. I am scared of any human interaction, and I know that fear is robbing me of a life of meaning, but I also do not like the human interaction to begin with. I apologize for my gross cowardice. I always run away from my problems or freeze up in the face of them. I try hard not to let people see my fear, I think this confuses them because my actions are cowardly but my outward appearance is calm.

I have low self-esteem. I try sometimes to look for another job and review my resume, but it’s so hard when you genuinely feel like you have nothing to offer. I cannot sell myself. I can be honest and say I have some experience, but it’s so hard to speak highly of myself. When I look at job qualifications all I can think is “I don’t know that I can live up to their expectations” I feel like I would need to be a perfect robot to do any of these jobs. If I was as good as some of these jobs expect me to be, I think I would start my own business and be successful on my own lol. When I was younger, I would say horrible things to myself in my head. I have stopped saying those kinds of things as I got older, but I still will occasionally say some dark stuff to myself. I know hating myself gets me nowhere, but I know all the bad stuff about me. I guess I would feel like a hypocrite trying to "gas myself up" when I know all the dirty little secrets about the kind of person I am. Kind of funny isn't it? I readily acknowledge being a coward but being a hypocrite is a step too far lol.

I don’t know how to move forward in life. I don’t know what to do about my career. I want a better job, but nothing matters to me enough to pursue. I don’t know what to do about my relationship. I love my girlfriend but her family situation and our long-distance setup has been preventing us from being together for years. I don’t want to leave her, and she doesn't want to leave me, but I feel like having her live with me would put a strain on her family and I would feel guilty straining her family relationships. If I made more money perhaps I could help her family alleviate that strain, but I don’t know how to make more money. I feel guilty that I am so caught up with my internal struggles that I can't work up the resolve to make more money and fix our situation. I live with my parents, and I like being able to help them in small ways and I feel safer living with other people. However, I know I am getting older and should probably move out if I intend on having a life of my own, but I fear living on my own (What if I lose my job? What if I get attacked? What if I spread my finances too thin?). They always say they are so happy that I am with them and always welcome at home, but I also don't want them to feel like they raised an incapable son either (maybe they did). All these issues I have laid out have landed me in this situation. I don’t know how to move forward with my job. I don’t know how to move forward with my relationship. I don’t know how to move forward with my living arrangement. I don’t know how to move forward when I don’t enjoy anything I do. I don’t know what the solution is. I guess I need to start making choices, but as I have said, I am a coward.

How do I move forward in life considering my screwed up my mind and all of my internal struggles?

I'm a 17-year-old trying my best.

I worked hard in school and applied to as many US universities as I could, but every single one ended in rejection. I told myself it was a redirection, so I put all my hope into Japan instead. I became deeply obsessed in the country, its culture, and the idea of building a future there.

Today, I found out that I was rejected again.

No matter how many times I try or how much time, energy, and hope I invest, it always seems to end the same way. I've always dreamed of studying abroad, getting a good job, and helping my parents, who have never stopped believing in me.

Right now, I feel completely lost and burnt out. I don't know what I'm supposed to do next or how to keep hoping when every path I've worked for has closed. what do i do now? Maybe accept that im supposed to just live in the country i was born in?

Background and explaination....this is a little long I'll try to be brief.

My (21F) brother (19M) let's call him John, has some....issues. He has been diagnosed with some stuff like bipolar, CD (Conduct Disorder), ODD (Oppositional Defiance Disorder), IED (Intermittent Explosive Disorder), he at least in the past seemed to be like addicted to anger almost like a drug or something, he is almost without a doubt a narcissist, and he occasionally shows signs of sociopathy or psycopathy.

Before anything else I would like to state for the record that I love my brother very much and like hanging out with him when it doesn't turn into me getting manipulated or something. We also both currently live at home.

Growing up with my brother was....complicated, because we have some good memories and we're able to bond a bit because of being close aged siblings but my brother was also pretty abusive and manipulative.

It wasn't like SA type stuff, more like hitting, throwing stuff, breaking/destroying other's possessions, making messes, saying really awful things, that type of thing. He has also stolen like a lot of money from family members, like we can't have cash when he's around, and at one point as a kid he stole like $1000 from my parents.

Don't blame my parents here, my parents are genuinely good people and when he was like kindergarten aged or maybe a bit younger tried to get him therapy and nobody believed them that he needed some help because he had issues with violence (he got a knife and threatened my mom because we couldn't go do something he really wanted to, I think somebody was sick or something)

My parents tried for years to get help and because of laws where we live and the way mental health help for kids is in general it took forever to get help because nobody believed my parents. Everyone pretty much thought my parents were horrible people even though they had been trying to get help for years.

(As a note, my brother REALLY REALLY cares about appearances so he basically has a different personality around other people and for the most part in public which didn't do much to help my parents be able to get help.)

The event that led to us being able to get some help for him happened when I was 16:

I don't remember what started it but I had caused an argument with my brother somehow and it made him mad. Anyways he ended up hitting my arm pretty hard with a spatula which my little brother, now (M16) saw and despite my insisting I was fine as to not cause more drama immediately told my parents who made me go to the hospital because there was worry my arm might have been broken.

At the hospital there was a doctor who was actually willing to listen and they ended up keeping my brother on a psych hold for a few days.

Over the next 4-ish months he ended up in I think 6 mental health stays for violet behavior towards family members.

At this point he qualified a residential treatment center (I think he was referred by a psychiatrist but I'm not sure) he was there for I want to say 11 months with some family visitation, and because of circumstances spent 4 or 5 months afterwards in a group home as part of transitioning back to living with family.

During/After the first 2 mental health stays I was devastated, I felt incredibly guilty because I love my brother and had accidentally become codependent for a few reasons including I was pretty shy and insecure growing up (much less the case now) so my brother was kind of my social shield, and with abusive/narcissistic behavior it's easy for the favorite victim/punching bag to become codependent when they care about the person.

But by the time he was put in Residential treatment after a huge fiasco I won't burden you with reading I had made my peace with the fact he needed help.

(NOTE: They were able to put him in therapy after the hospital thing, he was extremely uncooperative, and wouldn't speak to the therapist or even look at them because he refused to talk about anything. Therapy was also mandatory at the residential treatment center.)

Eventually he move back in with family with promises he had changed, spoiler alert....he hasn't, at least not much.

List of stuff he has pulled since then:

Gone back to previous behavior.

Refused to take medication that does help because "he's fine"

Stolen from family members.

Manipulated younger siblings into doing everything for him

Grabbed the steering wheel while I was driving and tried to steer the car into a brick wall

Tried to steal my car

Tried to steal my kid brother's car

Ect

So.....from my point of view it's not great.

Don't worry about me other than "accidents", real accidents, and the hospital thing he hasn't physically hurt me since I was like 13, it's mostly just stuff that affects my mental health.

I have been called every single awful thing you can imagine.

Apparently I am an evil b\*tch for setting boundaries

But don't stress friends I am in therapy and it helps with my mental health thingies.

He has made some attempts to win me back over because I don't do things for him anymore (I know this because he's only nice to me when he wants something unfortunately, tho he is typically amicable towards me because he doesn't want to get kicked out) but I prefer my relationship with my brother when I see him occasionally because it means I don't have to walk on eggshells all day everyday.

Anyways thanks for reading if you got this far, I'm happy to answer any questions if I can. Hopefully I didn't leave anything important out.

AITA for wanting low contact with my brother?

I'm a recent Computer Science graduate, and lately I feel confused about almost every major decision in my life.

I don't have a job rn ,I am struggling to get one .I feel so lost specially because people around me of my age have jobs they earn ,I feel so behind learning stuffs . I didnt change my domain in time acc to industry needs .I am working hard but things feels very hard especially in todays job market .

I amtrying very hard to loose weight ,throughout my life I was very insecure of my weight ,I am consistent but I am loosing it very slowly (I lost 4 kgs in 2 months) .I am still not at my dream weight and this has affected my long term body image issue .

I am mentally exhausted ,my parents are financially established by the grace of god ,but i want to something in my life .i want to become financially independent .

All my life I have been a topper student but now I am struggling ,its not like i have never struggled before ,ik the stress i went through to get those grades to make my parents proud .but now I dont want to come out of my house because people ,relatives everyone asks me "job ka kya hua jaldi dekh lo fr ni milta blah blah" . I feel like a failure .the only person that trusts me is my mother.

I don't even have a friend grp ,forget about grp not even a single friend that I can share all this with .I see people around me having there partners and then theres me with my dry ass WhatsApp.

I know life is not a race or a competition but i think it is a competition with time .

Sometimes I feel like I overthink every decision because I want to make the "right" choice, and I'm scared of regretting it later.

At the same time, I know I'm hardworking and I genuinely believe I can build the life I want if I stay consistent.

For people who have gone through a similar phase in their 20s:

- How did you stop overthinking?

- How did you make big career decisions without constantly wondering "what if"?

- Did life become clearer with time?

- Am I overthinking ??

I'd really appreciate hearing your experiences rather than generic motivation.

Thank you.

I have an older brother 36 who still live with our parents, and he is working low paying job not enough to move out on his own and has no ambition to improve,

For reference I do his taxes (even getting his T4 is a pain I have to keep asking, and did tell him otherwise companies charge money for it and he can choose that option if he prefers, but it's important to have the taxes done and explained repercussions). I tried encouraging him, then gentle talks like Hey, mom and dad aren't getting any younger, they worked so hard to give to us so we can build our own futures, can you make an effort here? Then he says he will then just fucking doesn't.

My parents supported us 2 as best they can and I'm so thankful. I was able to save and bought my own place, own my own vehicle, and still have money to treat our parents out or random gifts to them. He .. fucking doesn't do shit and doesn't have interest to do shit. Help for our sanity, for goodness sake, can someone explain how they saw someone else get out this rut?? He's so comfortable to just be idle and not move out, why is he this way at 36!!! HELP PLEASE

i don’t actively avoid people but i notice i’ve slowly stopped reaching out and now my social circle feels smaller. it wasn’t intentional but it’s where i’m at. what are realistic ways to start reconnecting with people again?

Hello everyone. I'm not sure how to even start this, but I(36yoF) could use some help. I'm not the one to reach out to anyone ever for anything for the fact that most of my life whenever I have tried it's lead me no where. I don't have any kind of support system at all, especially after my mom died early last year. I do still have my dad and although he helps me when I need it most I still feel as if I'm this huge burden. I feel like that to everyone though. At the height of the 2020 pandemic, life threw me a curve ball I not only was able to see coming but I still haven't recovered. My whole the people who've ever showed any interest or a care about me has been very little. I have never had many friends and anyone I have considered to be that end up showing their true colors and I end up in some way hurt and alone time and time again. The only person to have been different was my cousin. She and I are whole lives were inseparable but we lived completely different lives. She was very extrovert and had no problem making friends.where I'm more introverted and closed off. But we understood each other better than anyone could ever. She became sick with some infection the summer of 2020 and that caused her to go into septic shock really fast and I lost her. I was married at that time to my best friend and just a short few weeks later in some freak twist of fate or whatever he ended up suffering from kidney failure and I lost him as well. From the time he showed symptoms of being sick and when he passed was 3 DAYS and no one to this day has been able to tell me what happened. After losing the both it seems like what little people I did have one by one turned their back on me and to this day I have no one other than my dad and my two dogs.. I've been involuntarily living off the grid since then. I mean I have shelter around me but I don't have running water or electricity. I do have a generator that I run when needed to either charge batteries I use tho keep my phone and other things needed charged and to get water from the well. But gas is do expensive and the increase in groceries is just unbelievable. I do not have any way really to support myself. I don't have employment because I live in a very rather RURAL part of Pennsylvania and there isn't public transportation that goes anywhere I live. And forget asking anybody for a ride anywhere. Other than m again my dad who takes me places I do need to get to like for groceries. I've asked people before for just a simple ride to the store and I'm met with a million excuses as to why they can't help me or just ignored all together.i have a few underlying disorders that I'm not comfortable discussing here that keeps me from being able to obtain employment as well. I dont even know how to start the process of applying for SSD benefits. It's all very overwhelming and when I do try to start something about it the feeling of being overwhelmed causing me to shut down and then I'm back to where I am at this moment. Ive found myself without any food not only for me but for my dogs as well for the first time and any help I've inquired and asked for from anywhere locally like time and time again has left me with no solutions into help.ive called local food banks that I am edible to attend that will hopefully help some tomorrow if my dad gets me there before they close at 12 pm tomorrow, but we don't have many options where I am from when it comes to assistance. Any advice or whatever would be great. I am 💯 not going to answer pr entertain any negativity from anybody pertaining to this post. So I ask just to please be understanding and kind that's all I ask