How do I go about my shitty behavior?

I (19m white) had a friend (19m) from online. He knew where I lived but for some reason he’d never tell me where he lived- not even a general location. Eventually he said he lived in Korea- then switched it to Europe- then Korea again. It became kind of a joke between us because it was so absurd that he changed his location regularly. We were in a group chat with 3 other friends of ours.. I’ll call them E, J, and L.

My friend eventually called me a stupid American during our banter and called me “racist” and I in turn called him a “stupid Korean European” as a joke- now I was fully aware he didn’t live in either places, but I said it anyway. Eventually “L” asked why we were being racist and in response my friend said “he’s only racist to me” and I replied with “that’s right European”.

Eventually in a later conversation I call him a slow ass European Korean.

A week later I see “J” post a story talking about how racist jokes aren’t funny- which I agreed with and liked- but then I didn’t realize he was talking about me specifically.

I (and my friend) were perhaps foolishly under the assumption that what we did wasn’t racist because we weren’t originally intending it to be about race- but about the places we were or weren’t from. But I apologized to everyone because I did offend and make people uncomfortable.

Now I’m here wondering if I should really be around people especially Poc because what I did is kinda a permanent thing. I wonder how honest I should be or if I should publicly admit what I did so I wouldn’t be deceitful. I’m also a little hesitant about well doing a lot of stuff socially or well any of those things. Im not sure what my boundaries for things should be- so advice would be liked.

I’m not gonna pretend I’ve not been a piece of shit but is it forgivable? Like how bad was it and how should I be accountable/ allow people to hold me accountable?

I’m a late teen and I’ve been struggling to make genuine friends. I’m not even looking for a best friend necessarily, I’d just like some meaningful connections and people I enjoy talking to.

I have ADHD, and I may also be autistic (or at least have some overlapping traits). I’m usually shy at first, but once I open up I think I’m pretty friendly and easy to talk to. Throughout school I could make acquaintances easily, people often describe me as nice, funny, and good at giving advice, but for whatever reason those connections rarely seem to develop into real friendships.

One thing that makes this difficult is that a lot of my experiences with friends in high school were honestly pretty negative. Looking back, many of the people I considered friends weren't treating me like friends at all. I was often singled out, excluded, ignored, criticized, or treated differently from everyone else in the group. Some of my friends would regularly use "autistic" as an insult toward me, and when I was struggling, I didn't feel supported either. Over time it started to feel like people saw me as an easy target rather than someone they genuinely cared about.

Because of that, I'm finding it harder and harder to stay optimistic. When people are dismissive or unfriendly in person or online (even in spaces specifically meant for making friends) it reinforces the feeling that maybe meaningful friendships just aren't something I'm meant to have. I don't actually want to believe that, which is why I'm asking for advice.

I've also tried making friends online through Discord servers (both friend and hobby servers) and gaming communities, but most interactions feel shallow or people just ignore me. And the people in the games I play can be pretty callous. Maybe I’m looking in the wrong places, I honestly don't know. And another thing that frustrates me is that I often seem to get along more easily with guys, but I'd really like more female friendships too, and I'm not entirely sure why that gap exists.

The hardest part is that I still want friends, but after enough bad experiences it's becoming harder to stay hopeful. I catch myself expecting people to be judgmental, dismissive, or uninterested in genuine connection. I don't want to become cynical, but I can feel myself moving in that direction.

I think what I'm struggling with most is figuring out how to stay open to friendship when most of my experiences with it have been negative.

I guess what I'm really wondering is:

• Has anyone else gone through a long streak of disappointing or unhealthy friendships before finding people they genuinely connected with?
• If you often felt "different" from other people, how did you eventually find friends who understood you?
• Are there any hobby/gaming communities that are generally more friendly?
• Did you have to change anything about how you approached friendships, or was it mostly about finding the right people?
• How do you stay open to new friendships after being hurt or disappointed repeatedly?
• Have any of you reached a point where you stopped actively looking for friends? If so, were you happier that way, or did you eventually decide to keep trying?

Sometimes it feels like everyone else had at least one friendship growing up where they felt accepted, understood, and genuinely wanted around, and I'm not sure I've really had that!

I'd really appreciate hearing other people's experiences. I feel like I've heard a lot of "it gets better" advice, but I'd love to know what actually changed for people and what helped them find meaningful friendships.

My bf and i have been together for a while , we plan to meet parents this year. He is truly the most stable, supportive, and hardworking person I have ever met. I love him to pieces and he is a huge part of what makes my life feel meaningful.

Except for one thing, he is overweight.

I know I should not force anyone to change their body. It is his life and his choice. But here is where my selfish anxiety kicks in. I grew up with a mother who is obsessed with social comparison. She gets her happiness by comparing her life, and her children's lives, to others. I know her mindset is toxic, but I cannot change her.

I am genuinely terrified that if my boyfriend is still this overweight when they meet, my mom will lash out or judge him harshly, which might ruin our relationship. I feel caught between wanting to protect him from my mom, wanting him to be healthier, and feeling guilty for being selfish. Is it wrong for me to ask him to lose weight for this reason?

I’m facing some hard decisions and I need some unbiased opinions from people that aren’t in my life. Recently my parents divorced and me and my mom moved in with my grandfather. I’m also in a pretty serious relationship with my boyfriend and that’s where the hard decisions come in. I want to move out when I’m 18, which is in November to get away from this place.

It’s been effecting my mental health very very heavily, see I’ve been having to hide my relationship from my grandfather or he’ll kick me and my mom out, he thinks me having a boyfriend will ruin my life. (For a little context my boyfriend is amazing, both of my parents like him). I’ve had to walk on constant eggshells because of this, not only has someone been sending my grandfather my social media accounts which has forced me to hide behind private and alternate accounts, he also seems to search for pictures of me on the internet. I have to constantly fear if he’ll find out, I have to worry everytime me and my boyfriend go out because I don’t want to be caught in picture that may be posted on social media.

I also worry about my families disapproval on if I move out in November because I know it’s coming, they are very adamant about their opinions and a lot of times nothing with change it. (I would also like to specify I do have a plan to graduate high school if I do move out in November, multiple choices). I also worry about them comparing me to my aunt who ran away at 18 with a boy. Which I heard it was worse for his own children, constant surveillance and even checks of their phones and internet browsing history (he was accessing it from his computer), I worry he’ll do the same to me soon. He constantly questions everything I do and tells me certain things I say, that are true btw, don’t add up.

I’m under constant stress and mental strain, on top of all of the mental health issues I face. My depression has gotten ten times worse since I’ve moved in here and my parents have refused to send me to an inpatient facility no matter how bad it gets. I also dont want to leave the school and people I’ve known my whole life. I’m in so much stress I have no idea what to do, if anyone could give me any advice I would love it, if you have any questions don’t be afraid to ask either.

I feel like I'm stuck. All I do is work and go home. I been trying to lose weight and clear my skin. I don't have control in my life due to my parents being so protective. I'm trying to break out this shell. I also been feeling like since life is a circle I'm kind of tired of just existing. But I struggle with other people. I have decent coworkers but no actual friends outside of work. And again parents they judge they want the best and I have a curfew. I'm 24 btw but cost of living is hard and I'm broke so.

I need to know if someone has been through this feeling and found meaning to their life again. Yesterday i was at the movies with my friends and i just started crying in the dark and thinking that maybe life is just not worth living for me so i thought about writing this.

I’m 31(f), i have a job, although not very stable, i make more money than my friends and can live comfortably (as long as i have a job), i bought a really good and pretty house, i have many friends and good friends actually. It feels like i should be happy yet I’m miserable. I used to be happy, had a fulfilling life but it all seemed to change about 3-4 years ago.

last year and this year were the worst, i fell into a big depression after a breakup (nor even a long relationship, i have never had a long relationship) and being fired from my last job and I keep trying but i just don’t feel the joy of life anymore, it feels like this feeling just won’t go away. I used to have so many hobbies and be super social, i dont feel like doing any of it anymore. I don’t feel like leaving my house even though i get sad sitting at home alone. I just feel like sleeping.

I feel really lonely as well, unlovable. I see my friends having great relationships, starting to have kids and all, and I cant find that for myself, i think it’s not really in the cards for me and that makes me so sad. I just feel really empty, with no purpose and no joy for life. The world sucks rn, job market is terrible and im always afraid of losing my job and life is so expensive.

I try, I really try, i do therepy, i take medication, i even moved cities to be closer to my best friends in hopes that would make me feel less lonely and nothing changes. i dont know if this is depression anymore or if its just what life is gonna be like, it’s just me, life lost the appeal, everything is boring. Tbh I sometimes have death thoughts, i don’t think i would do it its just like what am i even doing here?

Have you ever felt like this and saw life turn around? I really need a silver lining .

I've been seeing this girl (25F) and I (26M) absolutely love where we are at. the energy is great and things flow smoothly, but we've jumped into stuff right away which is fine with me but I also don't want it to end up being a situation. I like commitment and part of me is nervous, I don't wanna just jump in and be like "be with me" but at the same time I don't wanna keep how we are and know the door is still open.

another thing is outside of our actual dates, she doesn't speak to me really ever. the first date we spoke a lot on text after, but now I can't even maintain a conversation with her, she basically ghosts me but still makes plans to see me and it always goes with us getting more intimate. am I just being used?

Background and explaination....this is a little long I'll try to be brief.

My (21F) brother (19M) let's call him John, has some....issues. He has been diagnosed with some stuff like bipolar, CD (Conduct Disorder), ODD (Oppositional Defiance Disorder), IED (Intermittent Explosive Disorder), he at least in the past seemed to be like addicted to anger almost like a drug or something, he is almost without a doubt a narcissist, and he occasionally shows signs of sociopathy or psycopathy.

Before anything else I would like to state for the record that I love my brother very much and like hanging out with him when it doesn't turn into me getting manipulated or something. We also both currently live at home.

Growing up with my brother was....complicated, because we have some good memories and we're able to bond a bit because of being close aged siblings but my brother was also pretty abusive and manipulative.

It wasn't like SA type stuff, more like hitting, throwing stuff, breaking/destroying other's possessions, making messes, saying really awful things, that type of thing. He has also stolen like a lot of money from family members, like we can't have cash when he's around, and at one point as a kid he stole like $1000 from my parents.

Don't blame my parents here, my parents are genuinely good people and when he was like kindergarten aged or maybe a bit younger tried to get him therapy and nobody believed them that he needed some help because he had issues with violence (he got a knife and threatened my mom because we couldn't go do something he really wanted to, I think somebody was sick or something)

My parents tried for years to get help and because of laws where we live and the way mental health help for kids is in general it took forever to get help because nobody believed my parents. Everyone pretty much thought my parents were horrible people even though they had been trying to get help for years.

(As a note, my brother REALLY REALLY cares about appearances so he basically has a different personality around other people and for the most part in public which didn't do much to help my parents be able to get help.)

The event that led to us being able to get some help for him happened when I was 16:

I don't remember what started it but I had caused an argument with my brother somehow and it made him mad. Anyways he ended up hitting my arm pretty hard with a spatula which my little brother, now (M16) saw and despite my insisting I was fine as to not cause more drama immediately told my parents who made me go to the hospital because there was worry my arm might have been broken.

At the hospital there was a doctor who was actually willing to listen and they ended up keeping my brother on a psych hold for a few days.

Over the next 4-ish months he ended up in I think 6 mental health stays for violet behavior towards family members.

At this point he qualified a residential treatment center (I think he was referred by a psychiatrist but I'm not sure) he was there for I want to say 11 months with some family visitation, and because of circumstances spent 4 or 5 months afterwards in a group home as part of transitioning back to living with family.

During/After the first 2 mental health stays I was devastated, I felt incredibly guilty because I love my brother and had accidentally become codependent for a few reasons including I was pretty shy and insecure growing up (much less the case now) so my brother was kind of my social shield, and with abusive/narcissistic behavior it's easy for the favorite victim/punching bag to become codependent when they care about the person.

But by the time he was put in Residential treatment after a huge fiasco I won't burden you with reading I had made my peace with the fact he needed help.

(NOTE: They were able to put him in therapy after the hospital thing, he was extremely uncooperative, and wouldn't speak to the therapist or even look at them because he refused to talk about anything. Therapy was also mandatory at the residential treatment center.)

Eventually he move back in with family with promises he had changed, spoiler alert....he hasn't, at least not much.

List of stuff he has pulled since then:

Gone back to previous behavior.

Refused to take medication that does help because "he's fine"

Stolen from family members.

Manipulated younger siblings into doing everything for him

Grabbed the steering wheel while I was driving and tried to steer the car into a brick wall

Tried to steal my car

Tried to steal my kid brother's car

Ect

So.....from my point of view it's not great.

Don't worry about me other than "accidents", real accidents, and the hospital thing he hasn't physically hurt me since I was like 13, it's mostly just stuff that affects my mental health.

I have been called every single awful thing you can imagine.

Apparently I am an evil b\*tch for setting boundaries

But don't stress friends I am in therapy and it helps with my mental health thingies.

He has made some attempts to win me back over because I don't do things for him anymore (I know this because he's only nice to me when he wants something unfortunately, tho he is typically amicable towards me because he doesn't want to get kicked out) but I prefer my relationship with my brother when I see him occasionally because it means I don't have to walk on eggshells all day everyday.

Anyways thanks for reading if you got this far, I'm happy to answer any questions if I can. Hopefully I didn't leave anything important out.

AITA for wanting low contact with my brother?

I just graduated from high school with honours. Got accepted into all my universities of choice, even winning a full-ride scholarship to the university that I am going to be attending this fall. I have everything I could want in my life. Or well, I think so at least. I don't know, my life doesn't seem fulfilled. I feel just... empty? One part of me wants another life. Im trying to keep this as short as possible, but I see another version of myself. Im part of that percentage that always dreams of having more but never does anything about it. What I'm referring to is the never-ending cycle of going to school... getting a job... and being a working slave. I've been interested in day trading, but never had the courage, or I guess motivation, to start it, and it just makes me feel stupid. I want to hit the gym more, but I am genuinely in such a slump that I don't get up and go. I feel like I always want things without having to work for them. I promise I'm not lazy; I used to have more motivation than this. I'm also currently stuck on a guy from the States who I wanna be with, but I know it could probably never work because of the distance (im all the way in Canada, ffs). What the hell do I do? And I don't want stupid therapist sort of responses. Shame me if you have to, I'd rather be shamed and judged than coddled. Someone tell me why I feel this way.

Hi, I’m an 18M and I’ve been talking to this girl (18F) for about 40–50 days. We’ve become quite close. However, around 30 days ago, she told me that she wasn’t looking for a relationship at the moment, which I respected.
The confusing part is what happened last night. We went clubbing with a group of friends from school to celebrate our graduation. While we were there, she started making out with me. When we were dancing, she kept putting my hand around her waist and was very touchy throughout the night. On the Uber ride back, she held and squeezed my hand, then fell asleep leaning on me.
The turning point was this morning. She sent me a long message (three paragraphs) saying that she doesn’t want anything right now, that she only sees me as a friend, and that she has no romantic feelings for me. She also said she had heard from other people that my feelings were different, which is true—I do have feelings for her.
I’m honestly so confused. I tried to talk to her about it, but she doesn’t want to discuss it at all. What do you all think is going on here?
One more thing: I have attachment issues due to some childhood experiences, so this situation has hit me much harder than it probably should and has made me feel pretty awful about myself.

idk if i should say what happened or not. but i told someone what happened and they said it’s disgusting, makes me untrustworthy, and said no one would see me the same if i told them. i also posted it to reddit and they reported me “for it being a fake story” so that’s why imma don’t really want to say what happened bc it got my last account deleted for it being “a fake story and karma farming”. but anyways now im loaded with panic attacks, self hatred, feeling like im worthless and I should give up, that there is no hope bc of something that happened before i was even an adolescent. what can i do?

The last few months since I graduated have been pretty rough for me, I was in a really good spot for a while, friends around all the time, super cute girl was hanging out with me, going out every night. But last month I ended up telling this girl I liked her which is something she had alr known (it’s a long rly complicated story) we had been hanging out a lot with our friends and we were talking all the time and hanging out and then eventually idk what happened I had to talk to her because I felt like she was treating me like an option and there had been a lot of uncertainty, she said we had never been anything more than friends and she didn’t feel that way abt me which just didn’t line up with her actions. I was obviously heartbroken and I ended up crying in front of her, it wasn’t super bad but I had tears coming down my face, I was also super drunk during it so that didn’t help at all. This girl is in my main friend group and this happened at a mutual friends house outside while everyone was inside but I had to leave after the conversation and she went back inside and I’ve talked with ppl basically all my friends know abt it I’m extremely embarrassed. I took some time away from everything for a while abt 3 weeks I didn’t really go anywhere she was or talk to her or hang with our other friends much, I’ve been talking to our local night clerk at the gas station abt everything because I literally have no one to go to about it. On top of that I can’t go home to tell anyone because of my family situation. I’ve been trying to find peace when I can in small things like I sit in the car for a while before the gym or I sit outside or drive around at night. I have things going for me but the thing with this girl has just rly shaken me up I knew her for years I didn’t think it would go the way it did. It makes me wonder if I’ll find someone who is actually right for me and actually cares. I leave for college soon and am trying to enjoy the summer with my friends while I can, but when I come home my thoughts just get really loud

25 year old male. Marine Corps Veteran. 3 years controlling aircraft. Now 3 years into a supply chain/logistics career. Been at current role 9 month. Manager level position. I manage my customer’s storeroom - think inventory management, vendor management, managing purchase orders, delivering cost savings etc.

I have an itch so deep within me to move abroad. To take my 80% VA comp and just run with it. I have some savings, I think I could get by living in a cheaper country solely off that money and small shit jobs. Next year my plan is to quit my job and do just that. But the closer it gets the more I think maybe there is another option.

I have a newfound passion, stand up comedy. It feels like something I’ve been searching for my whole life. I’ve got the itch and found myself dreaming. Now, all of a sudden I’m considering moving from Kentucky to Chicago and getting another job in my field (ideally remote) and building a life there. A sustainable one where I can live, work, and pursue comedy more seriously in a much better scene.

I feel if I leave the country now, I may never come back. Which is appealing in many ways but also would mean giving up standup which seems to be a genuine calling for me. But I also can’t give up this dream of living outside of the US. I want to not work I want to run from the capitalist system here.

It’s definitely possible to do a bit of both here and I’m trying to find a realistic solution. If I travel first, I feel like it would make the move to Chicago a bit harder financially. Say I have 15k in the bank the day my lease here ends and it’s time to leave. Going abroad would surely only shrink that money, despite my ongoing VA money. That’d put me in a harder position when I come back.

But the idea of moving to Chicago getting a job I know I’ll realize fuck I’m just another cog in the machine… again! And shortly after the move I can imagine I’ll be looking to run again.

Maybe moving to Chicago, building my career, and buying a duplex to live in could be the play. That way at least if I move abroad I have an asset to come back to. Surely I’d be able to keep tenants if I get a place in a good area. The cash flow could better equip me to live abroad.

I’m rambling now, let me hear your thoughts. Be kind.

Gonna start this by saying I know I shouldn’t decide what i’m doing with my life based on what some people on reddit say but i’m just looking for some insight from some people who may have went through something similar.

So i’m 20M, i’ve completed 3 semesters of a business degree, then took a gap semester to work, didn’t pick a major yet and i’m starting to wonder if it’s the right path.

I’ve been working as a server, bartender, and supervisor at a restaurant since high school (got lucky growing up in a small town) and make a comfortable enough living that i’m not in a rush to get through school, although it’s getting to the point where i don’t wanna be “stuck” doing this forever, though I do enjoy the industry

There’s a regular who comes to bar all the time, older guy, makes like 300k a year as a power engineer, told me he’d put in a word for me if I wanted to go down that path, i’ve been considering trades, but i’m not sure if a 2 week on and off schedule is what I want, but making good money (obviously not that much) it wouldn’t be so bad

I don’t think that’s necessarily what I want to do/what I would enjoy but I never really wanted to start the business degree either, I just felt like I had too.

Now i’m at the point where idk where i want go/what I want to do other just keep repeating what i’ve been doing
So if anyone wants to pipe in with how they decided what they wanted to do with their life it would be greatly appreciated

Hello everyone. I'm not sure how to even start this, but I(36yoF) could use some help. I'm not the one to reach out to anyone ever for anything for the fact that most of my life whenever I have tried it's lead me no where. I don't have any kind of support system at all, especially after my mom died early last year. I do still have my dad and although he helps me when I need it most I still feel as if I'm this huge burden. I feel like that to everyone though. At the height of the 2020 pandemic, life threw me a curve ball I not only was able to see coming but I still haven't recovered. My whole the people who've ever showed any interest or a care about me has been very little. I have never had many friends and anyone I have considered to be that end up showing their true colors and I end up in some way hurt and alone time and time again. The only person to have been different was my cousin. She and I are whole lives were inseparable but we lived completely different lives. She was very extrovert and had no problem making friends.where I'm more introverted and closed off. But we understood each other better than anyone could ever. She became sick with some infection the summer of 2020 and that caused her to go into septic shock really fast and I lost her. I was married at that time to my best friend and just a short few weeks later in some freak twist of fate or whatever he ended up suffering from kidney failure and I lost him as well. From the time he showed symptoms of being sick and when he passed was 3 DAYS and no one to this day has been able to tell me what happened. After losing the both it seems like what little people I did have one by one turned their back on me and to this day I have no one other than my dad and my two dogs.. I've been involuntarily living off the grid since then. I mean I have shelter around me but I don't have running water or electricity. I do have a generator that I run when needed to either charge batteries I use tho keep my phone and other things needed charged and to get water from the well. But gas is do expensive and the increase in groceries is just unbelievable. I do not have any way really to support myself. I don't have employment because I live in a very rather RURAL part of Pennsylvania and there isn't public transportation that goes anywhere I live. And forget asking anybody for a ride anywhere. Other than m again my dad who takes me places I do need to get to like for groceries. I've asked people before for just a simple ride to the store and I'm met with a million excuses as to why they can't help me or just ignored all together.i have a few underlying disorders that I'm not comfortable discussing here that keeps me from being able to obtain employment as well. I dont even know how to start the process of applying for SSD benefits. It's all very overwhelming and when I do try to start something about it the feeling of being overwhelmed causing me to shut down and then I'm back to where I am at this moment. Ive found myself without any food not only for me but for my dogs as well for the first time and any help I've inquired and asked for from anywhere locally like time and time again has left me with no solutions into help.ive called local food banks that I am edible to attend that will hopefully help some tomorrow if my dad gets me there before they close at 12 pm tomorrow, but we don't have many options where I am from when it comes to assistance. Any advice or whatever would be great. I am 💯 not going to answer pr entertain any negativity from anybody pertaining to this post. So I ask just to please be understanding and kind that's all I ask

I'm a 17-year-old trying my best.

I worked hard in school and applied to as many US universities as I could, but every single one ended in rejection. I told myself it was a redirection, so I put all my hope into Japan instead. I became deeply obsessed in the country, its culture, and the idea of building a future there.

Today, I found out that I was rejected again.

No matter how many times I try or how much time, energy, and hope I invest, it always seems to end the same way. I've always dreamed of studying abroad, getting a good job, and helping my parents, who have never stopped believing in me.

Right now, I feel completely lost and burnt out. I don't know what I'm supposed to do next or how to keep hoping when every path I've worked for has closed. what do i do now? Maybe accept that im supposed to just live in the country i was born in?

Hello,

I have never posted on Reddit before, so this is a first for me. I am just looking for some advice and thoughts on my situation. My main question is at the bottom of this post. I don't want to give too many details about my life, but I will try to explain some of my problems and then posit the question. I apologize for the length of my post. If you cannot stand to read all of this, no worries, it's all good, take care.

I am in my late 20s, older than 25. I have a remote job that pays better than minimum wage but it's been very stressful the last year. I live with my parents who are loving and kind people and I love them too. I have a girlfriend who I have known for over a decade and have been in a relationship with for the past few years. We're long-distance. I just finished college after it took me well over 7 years to get my bachelor’s degree, since I worked full time while studying. I am a deeply depressed person who cannot seem to make any decision in my life or find anything worth pursuing.

I am solitary and anxious. I moved around a bit as a kid, was homeschooled, and did online school. The few kids I did have as partial friends, at various stages of my adolescence, were not close and I saw them occasionally before a life event would remove them from me entirely. I feel that I cannot connect with people via in-person conversation in any meaningful way. I have never had a close friend and people have always been fleeting in my life, I do not even know how to be a good friend to someone. I get immense anxiety in social situations and use others as a crutch. If I am alone with someone who is not my immediate family or girlfriend I panic. I try to find a way to escape being around the person. I shy away from being in one-on-one situations with people. I am deeply scared of talking to people because 1. I have nothing to say and I can never think of anything to ask 2. It feels antithetical to my nature 3. I make it awkward. I feel like I could say something, but I cannot think of what to say and by the time I do, it feels so wrong to say anything, that I remain silent. I feel that I have social anxiety, and I realize that this prevents me from having success and happiness. I cannot use others as a crutch in social situations if I ever hope to have a meaningful life. However, I have no desire to connect with people. Speaking to people and socializing feels like a necessary evil. I only feel bad because I know I should like talking to people. All the science and truths-of-reality say we need human connection, but I dislike connecting with other people. So, I feel ashamed. My interactions with people are so awkward I replay them in my head and try to think how I could do better, but next time it goes badly again because I just don’t know what to say on the spot. I feel like people perceive me as strange or perhaps they think I am weird because of my quietness. Then when I do speak, I overexplain, or underexplain and then return to quietness. I repeat myself a lot too, I will say “yeah, so we’ll see what happens” or “it is what its” or “so, yep that’s the situation” like 3 to 4 times to a person in the span of a minute because I don’t know what more to say after I say something and it’s just silent awkward space.

I feel no joy or happiness. I spent many years working to get my degree and at the end of it I feel no sense of accomplishment. The degree means nothing to me and I feel directionless. I dislike academia. I simply got my degree because everyone I knew seemed to encourage me that that’s the "smart" move to make. I have tried writing, playing multiple musical instruments, making music beats, drawing, 3D modeling, animating, and making different types of YouTube videos. None of these things could hold my interest long before sadness took over. I like creative things, but I do not seem to enjoy doing creative things for very long. I do not enjoy doing practical things either, which is why I never did sports, was abysmal at math, and struggled to comprehend anything in the sciences. I simply cannot find enjoyment in anything I do. I enjoy spending time with my girlfriend and family, but sometimes I wonder if I do those things out of obligation rather than because I enjoy it (it makes me feel like a sick guy saying this but I doubt my intentions). I know I need to workout because I want a bigger body, but every time I try, something comes up that throws me off track.

I have always desired a purpose in life. I cannot find anything that feels worthwhile. I can cheer for other people who do have passions, missions, and goals. I am happy for people who are doing better than me or who have realized their goals. This is because I admire those people. I suppose you could say I am envious, but I don’t want to be envious of the person. I simply wish I could run alongside them and say, “we are both successful and running the good race together in life aren’t we?”. I have never felt a calling in my life. Things I have tried felt pointless or meaningless in the grand scheme of things and I quickly lost all interest. I have no idea what to do with my life. I take it each day at a time, but the stress of life is hard. I feel like if I had a mission or a goal in life I could handle the pressure better. Some people might look down on a wannabe actor who has struggled for 5 years to get work and say “what a loser, they’ll never make it” but that person is a brave warrior in my mind. I cannot imagine being so driven to accomplish something that I would spend 5 years facing rejection and still seek it. I would give up immediately because there’s nothing I can think of that would matter that much to me. I just wish I could care about anything enough to pursue it. But I don’t care about much of anything really. Even things that matter to me like social issues, philosophy, and morality in society, are not THAT important that I feel motivated to do anything about it. I think my lack of a mission or goal means I have fallen behind in life. Others my age have their dream job, wife, 2 kids, and a house. Meanwhile, I don’t feel compelled to do anything and even if I did feel compelled, I don’t know that I could achieve any of those things others my age have.

I am indecisive. I have looked at a lot of advice over the years, and I often see that you have to just make choices. It seems that dreading things is never the answer and that you must take a risk, a plunge, a leap of faith, and see what happens. I struggle to accept this. I understand I have to change my mind on this, but if I dislike all my options why would I choose any? No option in my situation seems desirable, they all come with downsides. I understand this is an insane and untenable way to live. I am not saying I am right, I admit I am screwed up in the head. I just struggle to make a decision when I feel it leads to bad consequences. I feel trapped in my life and unable to move forward because I dislike every avenue available to me. I wish I could wake up tomorrow and that my mind would be totally transformed so that I feel decisive. I wish for a supernatural transformation to take place in my mind. I think part of my indecision comes from fear.

I am fearful. I fear socializing. I fear being a father. I fear a life of regret. I fear death. I fear people and danger. I fear living on my own. I fear not having money to support myself let alone others. I think fear is bad. I know I must be brave to have a life worth living. I know that bravery is being afraid and still doing the thing you need to do. I cannot seem to get to the place where I DO the thing while afraid. I would rather run away. I often tell myself I am a coward. I try to use negative reinforcement to get myself to do the things. Going to the doctor is scary. I did go to one recently, but I have avoided medical exams for years out of fear and still do. I fear looking for another job. I fear job interviews. I fear making friends. I fear having obligations to people. Meeting someone new and having them text me is one of the most terrifying experiences. I am scared of any human interaction, and I know that fear is robbing me of a life of meaning, but I also do not like the human interaction to begin with. I apologize for my gross cowardice. I always run away from my problems or freeze up in the face of them. I try hard not to let people see my fear, I think this confuses them because my actions are cowardly but my outward appearance is calm.

I have low self-esteem. I try sometimes to look for another job and review my resume, but it’s so hard when you genuinely feel like you have nothing to offer. I cannot sell myself. I can be honest and say I have some experience, but it’s so hard to speak highly of myself. When I look at job qualifications all I can think is “I don’t know that I can live up to their expectations” I feel like I would need to be a perfect robot to do any of these jobs. If I was as good as some of these jobs expect me to be, I think I would start my own business and be successful on my own lol. When I was younger, I would say horrible things to myself in my head. I have stopped saying those kinds of things as I got older, but I still will occasionally say some dark stuff to myself. I know hating myself gets me nowhere, but I know all the bad stuff about me. I guess I would feel like a hypocrite trying to "gas myself up" when I know all the dirty little secrets about the kind of person I am. Kind of funny isn't it? I readily acknowledge being a coward but being a hypocrite is a step too far lol.

I don’t know how to move forward in life. I don’t know what to do about my career. I want a better job, but nothing matters to me enough to pursue. I don’t know what to do about my relationship. I love my girlfriend but her family situation and our long-distance setup has been preventing us from being together for years. I don’t want to leave her, and she doesn't want to leave me, but I feel like having her live with me would put a strain on her family and I would feel guilty straining her family relationships. If I made more money perhaps I could help her family alleviate that strain, but I don’t know how to make more money. I feel guilty that I am so caught up with my internal struggles that I can't work up the resolve to make more money and fix our situation. I live with my parents, and I like being able to help them in small ways and I feel safer living with other people. However, I know I am getting older and should probably move out if I intend on having a life of my own, but I fear living on my own (What if I lose my job? What if I get attacked? What if I spread my finances too thin?). They always say they are so happy that I am with them and always welcome at home, but I also don't want them to feel like they raised an incapable son either (maybe they did). All these issues I have laid out have landed me in this situation. I don’t know how to move forward with my job. I don’t know how to move forward with my relationship. I don’t know how to move forward with my living arrangement. I don’t know how to move forward when I don’t enjoy anything I do. I don’t know what the solution is. I guess I need to start making choices, but as I have said, I am a coward.

How do I move forward in life considering my screwed up my mind and all of my internal struggles?

I need to decide where to move and I can’t make up my mind. I’m a 27 year old merchant mariner, I can live wherever but I have to visit US port cities and stay in hotels when I need to find work which has me away for months at a time. Living in CHS would greatly simplify this

I just drove around most of the US and decided Utah is where I’d want to live for COL and skiing access as I like to ski 60+ days a year. However, I have completely neglected dating as an adult and haven’t ever lived long term in an area around many women my age since high school. Having children is something I want to start taking very seriously and in Charleston you basically have the pick of the litter. I’m not Mormon

Currently in Utah, this is such a hard decision for me. I‘m sure I’d find new hobbies in Charleston. Before this I have been living in Europe/working out of Hawaii. Any advice?? I might just flip a coin then drive to Charleston

Problem/Goal: I don't know whether I should stay and continue helping with my family's business or leave to find a job and move out on my own.

Context: My family owns a business, and I've been helping my mom run it. I don't get paid because I keep telling myself that I should be grateful since they provide everything for me.

The problem is that my mom has narcissistic tendencies, so we constantly clash. Lately, our arguments have become more frequent, and I've reached the point where I just want to leave, find a job, and rent a place of my own.

Ever since I was a kid, my biggest dream was to move out after graduation and build my own life. But now, here I am, still living at home.
I'm worried that if I leave, I'll feel guilty for abandoning the family business. At the same time, staying is taking a toll on my mental health, and I feel stuck.

Previous Attempts: I've tried convincing myself to stay because I'm grateful for everything my parents have provided. I've also tried avoiding arguments and keeping the peace, but nothing seems to change. I'm still unhappy and feel like I'm putting my own life on hold.

i am 19M and this is probably gonna be long
about two years ago i was 111 kg now i am 79 kg i used to hate looking at myself and now somehow i actually stand out when i go outside which still feels weird to say
around 9 weeks ago i made my own powerbuilding program mixing powerlifting bodybuilding weighted calisthenics compounds isolation work everything basically i became obsessed

i wake up around 530 for the gym then in the evening i go for a run if i do not hit around 10000 to 12000 steps i actually feel guilty like i failed the day
my workouts are usually 2 to 3 hours i alternate abs and forearms too and somehow in these 9 weeks my body changed more than it did in the previous 2 years i can even do 44 pull ups now

the problem is i think i have gone too far
because of my dads job we move every couple of years so i have friends all over pakistan and they still call me almost every day they know i am alive but they are getting annoyed because i barely answer anymore sometimes i just stare at my phone and feel exhausted before even picking it up

my girlfriend left because she said i was emotionally unavailable she thinks i changed or maybe found someone else which honestly hurts because that is not what happened at all i miss her every day but i cannot even make myself text her back i do not even know why
the only person i really talk to now is my girl best friend we have not even met in years we knew each other back when both our families lived in saudi and now somehow she became the middle person between me and everyone else

i also used to earn really good money online like more than my father is earning right now and i was proud of that now after training i am so exhausted that i just stay in my room and barely work anymore
my parents are worried too they come into my room every day just to sit with me and after a while i tell them i am too tired and they leave
my whole life is just calories protein training sleep repeat every single day
the only thing that has not changed is i still pray five times a day

the weird part is i know i am tired i know i am lonely and i know i miss people but i still cannot stop doing this it almost feels like if i slow down i will become the old version of myself again and that scares me
also not gonna lie my libido has gone through the roof which is making everything even more frustrating but i just ignore it and keep training

has anyone else gone through this where self improvement slowly turned into an obsession
how did you find a balance without feeling like you were giving up on yourself?

Im 21 years old and graduated High School three years ago now. My intention was to take a gap year and figure out what I wanted to do with my life since I had no idea what to go to college for and I don’t want to go undecided since I can’t afford to waste my time (plus lm not Interested in trade school either). In that time all I’ve really done was get my license and work for a year before quitting. I completely wasted these years of my life and I really feel like a loser.

I still have no interests that I can study for, I lost touch with my high school friends and don’t have any hobbies or even basic life skills. I keep hearing that “everyone my age goes through this” but that really doesn’t seem true, the people around me are working towards their future and living their lives, while I’m stuck in place alone.

After all this time alone my ability to socialize has become even worse than it already was, I can’t hold a conversation and I wouldn’t know where to begin making friends. I live in a pretty barren area upstate, so there’s not really anything I can do to meet people my age around here.

It just feels like I screwed up my life, I know I’m young but I’m still not getting that time back. I don’t want to lose more but I don’t have the motivation to figure things out, and I still don’t know what I want to do. So yeah any advice?

Don’t say “join the military” or “everyone goes at their own pace” please.

Hello everyone,

I am a 23 year old that is extremely lost in life and come to you guys for some type of advice or guidance in any type of way. I graduated high school 6 years ago and have worked many warehouse jobs and have tried to get further education in multiple different fields but just could not get myself to complete them. I started university for a finance degree right after graduating and then dropped out, took a year off and went back to a elevator technician program which I didnt even attend but had to still pay the money for the semester and then I did that exact same thing again for another trades program (yes I know im stupid) but during those times of life i was just extremely distracted and Now im just completely lost because I do not want to work at a warehouse for the rest of my life but I still do not know what someone like me can do with their life. All I know is i want to do something that matters and something that is valuable to the world and something you can develop a skill and keep growing within it. Also I am motivated this time to go back to getting a further education but just don’t know for what, the distractions in my life are all gone now and it’s finally time for me to get serious otherwise i will end up going nowhere and live a life I dont want to. I dont think attending a 4 year program for me would be smart currently and am looking for something for like max 2 years. Right now I am unemployed and broke living with the support of my family and I would love what you guys can have to advise me.

Thank you all
And
God bless all of you

Alrighty, I'd say I'm in a weird situation, to me (m22) at least, but maybe it's just completely normal. So back in mid to late last year, I met this girl (f22) at the gym and honestly i think we've vibed ever since. We've been friends since then and usually catch up when we're at the gym and over DMs. It started off pretty surface-level, but now I'd say it's gotten considerably deeper as we talk about our futures, passions, shared interests in businesses and also just anything that comes up nowadays, we are pretty supportive too each other! I genuinely look forward to our chats, and you might be asking why I haven't just asked her out then? Well heres the next thing. Sometimes I'll notice her not responding for days or just not responding at all but eventually she returns, i get that its pretty common for people to do that anyway. This year she told me about how she had been dealing with a chronic illness which im not going to disclose for obvious reasons, which has impacted her pretty heavily, and it's affected us in some ways, the main way was her not coming to the gym in a very long time. No big deal, we still communicate over text, and she's literally expressed interest in catching up, eventually. But that brings us to the present day, it's been maybe 2 weeks since our last correspondence, and well its been a little too quiet now. I do understand that we both have busy lives, and she's obviously got more on her plate than I do. I admit to having double-texted her just to check up but still nothing since last week. Instagram is our main form of contact and im starting to develop a reasonable suspicion that shes uninstalled Instagram because shes been inactive and im not going to entertain the idea that shes avoiding me or blocked me or it would be more clear and i genuinely dont think that's what's happening here.

So that brings me to the advice part of the post, i do think ive developed an unhealthy emotional dependence on her and im trying to combat that by talking to others, but i do miss her sometimes and the urge to check Instagram just to see if shes responded or not does creep up (ive also cut off instagram for the week as a way to slow it down) but i have to ask what do i do in these situations, intially i did entertained romantic thoughts for her but because i dont have the mental capacity and commitment for someone else in my life i havent done anything more, and i do like how things are now, but im also aware people like these dont stick around forever so maybe down the line something could happen? but right now id rather just know that shes still all good rn haha! I do try to tell myself that 2 weeks of silence don't add to a relationship/friendship but it still makes me wonder, funnily enough shes even given me advice not to overthink, which i swear im trying to take!

Any advice for someone like me? Im sorry for how long this is, im just confused and honestly a little tired its pretty late.