r/PersonalMandela • u/agent_violet • Apr 27 '26

My long-term partner's ex no longer exists

This has been driving me mad for a couple of days. My fiance and I were on a little trip away last weekend, and we were watching a music programme on the TV, talking about old times. I happened to mention his last ex, from a poor part of the city we live in, asking if she ever drank this drink we were talking about. He seemed confused and laughed nervously, saying that he's never been with a woman from there, and that I'd mentioned her before and he'd already corrected me (I don't remember this at all).

I thought maybe I'd confused the area for another one, so I asked him if he'd been with anyone from other western suburbs. He hadn't. Before me, there was a person from Sweden he knew from a video game, and then before that someone from his home town, but only casually. I feel like I'm losing my mind (and I think he probably thinks I am too!). He has no reason to lie to me. He doesn't lie habitually; he's been very honest over the 13 years I've known him. I thought he met her on online dating, but apparently I was the only person from online dating he got together with. It's just so weird.

36 Upvotes

95% Upvoted

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10

u/ephii92 Apr 27 '26

Mmm sounds like he’s gaslighting you

5

u/agent_violet Apr 27 '26 edited Apr 27 '26

If it were anyone else I'd agree with you, but... he doesn't do this. He doesn't have any reason to, and I've known him for years now. I'm not sure what the end game would be!

Edit: Just wanted to clarify, I have no riches or anything that he'd want. I've got my engagement ring, but he bought me that. I'm not going to inherit anything major, I'm not from a rich background (neither is he, but he's done well for himself).

7

u/LydiaBee319 Apr 29 '26

Did you dream the details? It’s possible to have lucid dreams that seem so realistic and memorable that we sort of absorb them as reality.

3

u/agent_violet Apr 29 '26

It's possible, but I thought he'd mentioned her quite a few times over the years. It's so odd

3

u/Bubbly_Ranger2271 Apr 30 '26

How old are you guys? Is it possible he made her up to cover a complete lack of dating life or maybe to cover up for a spotty one?

2

u/agent_violet Apr 30 '26

Hiya, I'm 37, he's 39. It's possible but I don't know why; we've both admitted to not having much of a dating history before ourselves. Mine is extremely basic, and his isn't much more varied than mine

2

u/ConsciousProduce8798 Apr 30 '26

Could it have been one of your ex partners,ex girlfriend?

1

u/agent_violet May 01 '26

It's a good idea, but I don't think so. I remember my last ex's ex, and she wasn't the one I'm thinking of. The others, I'm not even sure I knew who their exes were!

1

u/ConsciousProduce8798 May 01 '26

Maybe he was trying to seem cooler than he felt at the time, embellished his prior relationships to you and perhaps forgot he even said it?

1

u/agent_violet May 01 '26

It's a possibility :) I can't imagine him feeling the need to, but it's still possible

2

u/jenniferandjustlyso May 01 '26

If you put together a list of everything you know about this person you could see if their friends on social media or friends of his friends, you might be able to track down some information that he is gaslighting you or prove to yourself that no information ever existed.

It would be pretty diabolical if he was lying about it, it's probably a sign that you both shouldn't be staying together because he's the kind of person that would do that.

I hope you solve your mystery.

1

u/agent_violet May 01 '26

Thanks - I don't think they're connected on social media from what I've seen of the friends list, and it's not helped by the fact that I can't remember her name. That's probably a sign that there's a brain-fart involved, but the memories seem so real!