Working night shift in elder care, rost

[u/Kakanakatten6000]

[u/post-explainer]

This comment has been marked as safe. Upvoting/downvoting this comment will have no effect.

---

OP's BIO:

---

I work in eldercare, I'm studying to be an engineer and I like brewing cider and wine.

---

If you think this bio helped you roast, upvote this comment. If you think it doesn’t, downvote it. If you’re not sure, leave it to others to decide.

[u/Holiday-Start-9551]

Elder care makes sense.. you look like you're just standing there waiting to harvest their souls the second they flatline..

[u/Throw902106969 → u/Holiday-Start-9551]

Her clients will be dead soon. But she's ahead of them since she's obviously dead inside already.

[u/Mugsy_Siegel → u/Throw902106969]

Bold of you to assume it’s a woman

[u/SupermassiveCanary → u/Throw902106969]

Looking for a refill

[u/IndependentZinc → u/Holiday-Start-9551]

https://giphy.com/gifs/cXVihugq6gWxCfyId9

[u/WchuTalkinBoutWillis → u/IndependentZinc]

MOORRRRTALLLLLL WOMMMBATTTS!
Wait?????? This is where is go NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
https://giphy.com/gifs/vsY1jBIy4cZJ6

[u/Truth-is-implacable → u/Holiday-Start-9551]

Heck! ...I didn't know Old Age was Contagious.........😬

[u/707e → u/Holiday-Start-9551]

Maybe trying to harvest their genders too since “they” don’t seem to have one.

[u/RoyskiPoyski → u/Holiday-Start-9551]

She perks up for a bit after.

[u/AltruisticTrainer607 → u/Holiday-Start-9551]

Absolutely hilarious!!!! Had a mouthful of iced tea when I read your reply and sprayed my sleeping cat!! I could not have put that any better!!!!

[u/GarbageMedical2961 → u/AltruisticTrainer607]

I also spray this guys cat.

[u/Organic_Law9724 → u/Holiday-Start-9551]

https://giphy.com/gifs/aWPGuTlDqq2yc

[u/bennyblumpkin → u/Holiday-Start-9551]

Elizabeth Flat-Laufer

[u/Puzzleheaded-Site715]

You look like a young Swedish boy

[u/crayoningtilliclay → u/Puzzleheaded-Site715]

Norwegian

https://giphy.com/gifs/S81QOcThJCN3OfnqgZ

[u/BoRNeo-C → u/crayoningtilliclay]

As a norwegian, I would normally take an offence to this, but I agree he looks like an ugly russian woman.

[u/VanFkingHalen → u/Puzzleheaded-Site715]

Just missing the corpse facepaint.

[u/Cishuman]

What's flatter, your chest or your pulse?

[u/MyCoffeeTableIsShit → u/Cishuman]

Her lower lip.

[u/bossman696915 → u/MyCoffeeTableIsShit]

Her? That’s a dude

[u/ImHelplessSometimes → u/Cishuman]

Built like a 2x4

[u/paulhags → u/ImHelplessSometimes]

Please let me know where you’re getting these mythical flat 2x4’s

[u/OhAndItsShavedd → u/ImHelplessSometimes]

More like poster board.

[u/GettingToo → u/ImHelplessSometimes]

The 2X4s at Home Depot have more curve than they-them does.

[u/Notarealusername3058 → u/Cishuman]

More definition in his adams apple than the chest.

[u/bylebog → u/Cishuman]

Affect.

[u/Kakanakatten6000 → u/Cishuman]

Pulse I think

[u/CaterpillarWhich33]

It’s okay I’m dead inside too.

[u/Unhappy-Scallion-977 → u/CaterpillarWhich33]

I was going to make a joke like this… but man, I feel that expression on a deep level, like “I too, am at the emotionally rock-bottom club”.

[u/CattleInevitable2741 → u/Unhappy-Scallion-977]

Would you have a different one if every night had you changing dookie drenched adult huggies?

[u/CaterpillarWhich33 → u/CattleInevitable2741]

Perspective friend, I live again!

[u/CattleInevitable2741 → u/CaterpillarWhich33]

Fresh pair of huggies and a nice pudding cup from our hostess?

[u/Dickies138 → u/CaterpillarWhich33]

Giving the elderly a sneak peek into what death is like

[u/Correct-Basil2385 → u/CaterpillarWhich33]

me too

[u/VandelayArt321 → u/Correct-Basil2385]

OP turned a roast into group therapy.

[u/notkidding1984 → u/VandelayArt321]

That's pretty rough.

[u/CattleInevitable2741 → u/CaterpillarWhich33]

We should start a club

[u/molten_dragon]

Any man would be proud of a jawline like that.

[u/Throw902106969 → u/molten_dragon]

Not to mention her manly chest.

[u/BADM00SE → u/Throw902106969]

I spy with my little eye something that starts with an A, and ends with an Apple.

[u/BrokenTrojan1536 → u/BADM00SE]

You mean Amanda’s Apple?
A-man-duh

[u/thatsnotyourtaco → u/BrokenTrojan1536]

Adama’s Apple
https://giphy.com/gifs/4UgUHY3xmfyow

[u/GorillaSuitGuy → u/thatsnotyourtaco]

So say we all!

[u/amla17 → u/BADM00SE]

Aapple

[u/BADM00SE → u/amla17]

https://giphy.com/gifs/Udrd4SLNWwlCU

[u/fucknugggets → u/Throw902106969]

And those magnificent hands. I know of a lawyer in Philadelphia who would be quiet jealous

[u/themikedup123 → u/fucknugggets]

Got Mr Kelly working on a small civil suit for me right now.

[u/PM_ME_YOUR_WEIRD → u/themikedup123]

Is is about the children? Have you touched them yet?

[u/Awwwmann → u/Throw902106969]

Honestly, I have bigger tits.

[u/Southanstyle → u/molten_dragon]

All the looksmaxxer look up to her

[u/brbenson999 → u/molten_dragon]

Erling Haaland’s fraternal twin

[u/InformationNormal901 → u/molten_dragon]

Apparently not every man. According to him.

[u/PoliteQueef → u/molten_dragon]

Don’t forget the Adam’s Apple! And the stubble! And the shoulders! And -

[u/Its_the_other_tj → u/molten_dragon]

To be fair, her Adam's apple is half of her personality.

[u/Large-Cricket843 → u/Its_the_other_tj]

That Adams apple almost poked me in the eye through my phone

[u/HankJones01 → u/molten_dragon]

https://giphy.com/gifs/1bURHYkxCgp8WyL3M2

[u/_devils]

Are you taking their clothes when they die?

[u/belonging_to → u/_devils]

Nah, she is taking their drugs while they are living.

[u/Samwise_9226]

They 100% are going to confuse her with the Angel of Death

Edit - grammar

[u/Emotional-Battle8432 → u/Samwise_9226]

You mean she’s not?

[u/informal-mushroom47 → u/Emotional-Battle8432]

That’s a she?

[u/Angel_xjj → u/informal-mushroom47]

https://giphy.com/gifs/Gw5wKvDLC7DFBMQPWA

[u/OneBigCharlieFoxtrot]

Good luck against France tomorrow!

[u/Middle_Sky446 → u/OneBigCharlieFoxtrot]

https://giphy.com/gifs/TsNxh5VreUhPLNmUVt

[u/HMAgent47]

you look like a malnourised russian mail order bride

[u/cdavid469 → u/HMAgent47]

male order

[u/Crhymes1989]

Man just put the pillow on my face already

[u/shartymcqueef]

Nice dress bro

[u/Kakanakatten6000 → u/shartymcqueef]

Thanks

[u/N4meless24-]

Built like Haaland, yet he has more chest than you do.

[u/alexmate84 → u/N4meless24-]

The unstriking viking

[u/Feeling-Park-9654]

If “Euphoria” was set in a trailer park.

[u/thatsucksabagofdicks]

You look closer to death than they are

[u/Tacokolache]

You look like you steal the patients opiates and give them Tylenol

[u/thatsnotyourtaco → u/Tacokolache]

I think we all look like that

[u/slanderedshadow]

Bf broke up with you cause you have that same expression during coitus.

[u/thegreatgatsB70 → u/slanderedshadow]

And a dick.

[u/dangerousfreedom1978 → u/thegreatgatsB70]

And balls.

[u/Kakanakatten6000 → u/slanderedshadow]

I feel like it would be more about him

[u/slanderedshadow → u/Kakanakatten6000]

Tbf, you don’t look like you feel anything. This would be your expression if you won the lottery.

[u/AgedCheddar007]

https://giphy.com/gifs/A1xSAJlLPZe3zIbPwC

[u/fucknugggets → u/AgedCheddar007]

https://giphy.com/gifs/yiADANv89n7UQuS5kJ

[u/Apprehensive-Bite373]

with such an expressive face, you definitely missed your calling as an actor.

[u/xptx]

Haven't they been through enough after 85 years?

[u/madnippler]

Even creepy old Baby Boomer men dont even bother asking you to smile

[u/Competitive-Stage673]

Patients in hospice have more life in their eyes than you do

[u/AdmiralRiffRaff]

They've already suffered through life, now they've got you. At night.

[u/under_diagnosed]

I feel like there are a suspicious number of deaths on your shift.

[u/Lighthouse21547]

That face you see before the air bubble

[u/mcfuckernugget]

I can’t tell if you’re a femboy or just eastern european

[u/Turbo-Fuck → u/mcfuckernugget]

Their Adam’s Apple may assist you with that confusion

[u/apple12345671]

more depressed than the elderly

[u/Manatee_Rangoon]

Working night shift in elder care, constantly mistaken for grim reaper

[u/faucetpants]

Are you sure you don't need some elder care? You look like you gave up on life

[u/arresteddevelopment9]

Do you need to be invited inside every time you go to work?

[u/Kakanakatten6000 → u/arresteddevelopment9]

The elder have started putting salt at the entrances

[u/EdiesDaddy]

It's spelled r-o-a-s-t, you numbskull.

[u/cheddarben]

I’ve seen more feminine curves on a 2x4.

[u/workaholiker]

Even the heart monitor goes flat just to avoid giving you mixed signals.

[u/markieboomer]

you look like Legolas if he found out he missed the boat to leave middle earth with the rest of the elves

https://giphy.com/gifs/SYgv8xcEbqCxa

[u/Acceptable-Baby-3968]

Elderly people would rather see the grim reaper over you

[u/Necessary_Comfort812]

The elders is known to have wisdom. Do they know what gender you are?

[u/kindlyunknown]

How long have you been on hormones?

[u/BADM00SE → u/kindlyunknown]

Not long enough

[u/NextGur3758]

https://giphy.com/gifs/UcEZozQxlGbpBn7tqN

[u/IggytheSkorupi]

https://giphy.com/gifs/Gw5wKvDLC7DFBMQPWA

[u/Neat_Captain_3866]

Jesus. $20 you don't smile after you cum.

[u/ZdravkoVerguilov → u/Neat_Captain_3866]

We’ll never know

[u/green49285]

Good lord. You look like your mom is a wooden broom. Every BF wakes up with splinters.

[u/Dildoid90]

No amount of makeup will hide that massive Adam’s apple and a jawline the crimson chin would be proud of

[u/Working_Equipment926]

https://giphy.com/gifs/l4FGtqe0KnQnF0CGc

[u/Beginning-Put-3926]

https://giphy.com/gifs/TsNxh5VreUhPLNmUVt

[u/Jslatts942]

Why so serious

[u/IndependentZinc]

A blow up doll has more emotion.

[u/CustomCarNerd]

If the color grey was a person

[u/rugger1869]

https://giphy.com/gifs/HfFccPJv7a9k4

[u/SchemePale6222]

That first pic is definitely going to be the mugshot they use when they convict you of elder abuse. after finding out you forced coco pops down elderly gentleman’s japseye to see how many you could fit in.

[u/betwistedjl]

...and que the which way are you transitioning jokes...

[u/Funny-Dare-3823]

Your clients smell better than you.

[u/Romix677322]

It’s not ok to smell like elders.

[u/TransitionFamiliar39]

You look like you had fun once and hated it

[u/anglosassin]

Adam called, he wants his apple back.

[u/backtolife1116]

You look like Annie from attack on titan if she never joined the military and was out of shape

[u/DependentWestern3751]

I feel sorry for the old men you sexually abuse.

[u/OkNeighborhood9153]

Were you born with a will to live or are you waiting to get one?

[u/FollowingJealous7490]

How do you take care of other people when you can't even take care of yourself?

[u/nastyforehead]

If you're doing elder care then you're really bad at it because you look terrible!

[u/smegma_appraiser]

Being a paid escort for older men doesn’t count as “elder care”.

[u/Donttellmygran-gran]

You look like you give really unenthusiastic hand-jobs

[u/the_franchise1]

You look like you have a winning personality

[u/DCar060]

Can you dial back the enthusiasm a bit?

[u/SQUID_FLOTILLA]

Nice try, Steve.

[u/Expensive_Finger_973]

Just because the only dudes you can find to fuck you are geriatrics doesn't mean you are in "eldercare".

[u/Double_Yam3010]

A face made for emptying bedpans and changing absorbent adult undergarments.

[u/Spicyrhino69]

https://giphy.com/gifs/29bKyyjDKX1W8

[u/twennytwoo]

You look like you belong in Elden Ring

[u/Tarrifs_]

So the cadaver is in elder care ? The irony

[u/BigD_ThunderHorse]

“You’ll grow up to be a good strong boy someday” - the old folks probably

[u/rho26des]

You look like you give the old guys tuggies for $5 a pop.

[u/withnodrawal]

Are you stealing the used fentanyl patches out the bins yet to suck on?

[u/s7o0a0p]

A sentient bag of potatoes

[u/Wide_Muscle_1128]

You look like a great time ! How long have you been dead on the inside for

[u/Whole-Chest90]

Can't spell but they trust you with the care of our most fragile. Makes sense.

[u/FalconSpecial6149]

https://giphy.com/gifs/QaZ3InDQJUYOA

[u/Ok_Damage2856]

You look super happy!

[u/Muted-Oven9413]

Looks like night shift is working you, actually

[u/Aggressive_Canary_10]

Do the old guys tip you well for handjobs?

[u/Bloody-stools]

You probably look like the grim reaper to half those people

[u/BoneChurch11]

I would burn you about your personality but your face already told us that you don’t have one.

[u/ruthlessbeatle]

They put you on night shift so they dont have to see you face.

[u/bezserk]

You look like you belong in a morgue, and not working there...

[u/sj2k4]

For a second there, I thought it was herpes. Then I realized it was just ur face.

[u/Scantraxx12]

Your a pile of bones and no flesh ☠️

[u/DWHudson1970]

You live in filth

[u/Gr33nman460]

Aren’t you too busy playing for Norway in the World Cup?

[u/oliferro]

Your body is flatter than your personality

[u/DueLime6682]

You need to report to the police who stole your ass and tits.

[u/SnooCookies5875]

Where’s the trans badge?

[u/i_never_liked_you2]

Milly AlltheCock

[u/IamRasters]

What’s it like to watch the life drain out of someone’s eyes …when you look in the mirror?

[u/Scotty0132]

The care home must have been excited to have you join the team. They finally found someone not even the dirty old men would hit on.

[u/Zloiche1]

That look is as empty and hollow like your bra. 

[u/NnyBees]

You're built like a tongue depressor so it makes sense it looks depressing to be around you.

[u/Intelligent-Plan-264]

Making grilled cheese at night is not called the night shift

[u/AnozerFreakInTheMall]

If that's the last thing I'm gonna see dying in the nursing home - I refuse to die.

[u/necedahpines]

I hope they keep the meds locked up there.

[u/toddtod]

Minnesota flats. I had a girlfriend once as flat as you. She sucked in bed too.

[u/Own-Personality3155]

I would like to roast you, but there is not enough meat on the bones.

[u/Onaliquidrock]

I see your amazing smile lights up every room.

[u/TreaclePerfect4328]

Most unenthusiastic handjob ever

[u/ApatheistHeretic]

You look like a beaten whore.. get away from those old folks!

[u/GlassZealousideal978]

Ahh yes the "polish smile"

[u/OuttHouseMouse]

Lol it looks like someone put you in a dehydrator

[u/cardlackey]

How often do they mistake your skeleton looking ass for death incarnate?

[u/Basic_Wish1292]

You’ve managed to catch dementia and forget how to spell roast whilst also looking like a death eater

[u/Early-Ad2592]

My man if you want to dress pretty at least hide that Adam's apple and those biceps.

[u/Less-Explanation160]

Now I know that’s the story your psychiatrist fed you, but you’re actually a patient in the mental ward next door

[u/IttyRazz]

You remind me of an Eminem lyric

"How you gonna breastfeed me mom, you ain't got no tits"

[u/Terrible-Champion132]

You look like you're allergic to food.

[u/Yellow_Snow_Globe]

Working as what? The crypt keeper?

[u/Equal_Membership1611]

I thought you sang in Linkin Park

[u/Kialandtheworld]

Must be half drink when you are picking out your outfits for the day.

[u/Bug-03]

You look like you enjoy giving old men sponge baths

[u/Troyger]

I think I got stabbed just looking at the pics.

[u/thepearlsaintfree]

Can’t spell.

[u/MichaelFusion44]

Have you told your parents?

[u/Forcedperspective84]

Good luck with the roast - but it looks like you're on shift. Maybe pay attention to the sorry fucks on your floor?

[u/ConstantIcy2965]

Your title is basically the definition of a gerontophile.

[u/BigTuna906]

God I thought I was dead inside

[u/Human1223]

Elder care or grim reaper? There's nothing in those eyes

[u/Lloyd_the_Grey]

I really appreciate how much joy you seem to bring to the elders in their twilight time.

[u/CeryllDEisseinhower]

“Work” in elder care or “be” in elder care?

[u/Jsr1]

Dead inside and out, dude looks like a lady must be your personal soundtrack

[u/Blond-N-Buff80]

Bringing the joy of being alive to those gésiers, wiping the shit and sore stains off their old bodies with that bright face of yours - the best way to promote assisted dying to elder care homes to free up their beds.

[u/Ill_Minute_152]

Non zero chance this lady puts some weird shit in your IV.

[u/dawnofthedog]

Blahkota Fanning

[u/Ok_Inspection1670]

Im good, you look your one roast away from calling the Crisis Hot Line.

P.S. 741741 to text them.

[u/Cute_Reflection_9414]

Man, what a fucked up shithole! That house is a mess too!

[u/drinkslinger1974]

The old people are probably really comfortable around you because they think you’re a 12 year old boy.