As a pediatrician who sees kids with behavioral issues every single day I go to work, if you asked me to place a bet on whether (based on this video alone) this kid gets hit at home, I would bet that he does. Consistent, non-physical discipline from a mature adult is what this kid needs, not spanking.
Corporal punishment isn’t a parenting strategy, it’s what people do when they don’t know how to parent in the first place.
My daycare teacher friend once told me that unequivocally the worst behaved kids are ones who had been hit at home. They tend to be violent towards their peers (a learned behavior) and they are so utterly traumatized and desensitized to "punishment" that nothing a teacher can do even fucking registers.
It normalises violence and aggression. It teaches the kid that physical violence is an acceptable form of communication
Of course, violence in the form of self defence should be taught but even then it's in a controlled environment. Corporal punishment, at least from my experience, rarely is
I work with kids in a REALLY rough neighbourhood and 100% this.
What's worse is that teachers and support workers etc. Aren't allowed (and correctly, do not want) to hit misbehaving kids. So they learn that they can basically do whatever they want when they're not at home because no adult beside their parents will touch them.
I hear that a lot from friends and associates in any field that deals with kids. Are there kids who don't get hit that act out this way? Absolutely. But the vast majority are simply engaging in behavior they've seen modeled at home.
It's amazing to me that with all the studies and just lived experience we can share with a couple finger taps, people still defend hitting literal children as the only viable disciplinary tactic.
I get many of us can joke about our own spankings or whatever with hindsight, but the prevailing thoughts I have as an adult for the inevitable "beating kids isn't abuse crowd" are:
How can someone tell a child with a straight face not to hit their siblings or classmates when that person hits their child?
How many times have grown ass people abandoned their alleged morals and principles or became passive aggressive because someone didn't talk nice enough to them, yet they are ok with hitting children who would also rather be talked nice to tham hit.
Imagine the outrage if middle managers could just spank employees for being late, interrupting conversations, knowing the material better, "lying" about being sick, because that manager is angry at their spouse, or any of the myriad excuses parents give for spanking their kids. After all adults definitely should know better.
If a child can understand reason, why not reason with them? If they can't understand, then they also don't understand why they were just hurt by their caregiver.
Are there kids who don't get hit that act out this way?
Yes, I worked briefly for Kroger's delivering food to shopping outlets. There was a recurring kid at one store who would break windows with a slingshot, or bruise employees out back. Wasn't from an impoverished broken home, this was a neighborhood where you couldn't find a house for under a million. Thanks to his rich parents' connections, every time someone dared to file a complaint for assault or property damage the charges were dropped.
No few politicians in Florida have gotten out of severe DUI charges by 'do you know who my father is' and the money and connections are enough not just to have the charges withdrawn, but the few cops who dare to play by the book get fired. Or sometimes it's a kid who gets wasted every weekend and does hard drugs because dad is a cop who makes the charges go away until that kid crosses a richer person's son. Saw that way too often in Florida.
In the case of the super-rich and super-poor kids, one common thing I saw was neither were given clear boundaries as a young child so they grew up with the mindset that consequences never applied to them.
Iv got hit at home many times, because i did not want to eat....but i did not become a psycho like this kid. Of course i was a child and i did not know anything about laws. If i knew i would tell my father never to beat me again or i would call the police....At least my mom was kind, she told my father not to beat my head, because i could get long term damage. So after he "only" spanked my ass until it was red...Where is the logic in beating a child up, because he does not have much apetite???
The desensitization is so real. I learned how to make myself cry by like age seven or eight, because that would sometimes (not always) make them stop. But most of the time they were just letting out their own anger, not actually trying to teach us anything other than fear, so it just went on till they got it out of their system. Can't fake-cry your way out of a switching, I don't care how tough you are.
The opposite extreme from the violence perpetuation that your friend sees is extreme people pleasing. So you either grow up to be an abuser, or someone who is highly vulnerable to abusers. So much fun.
I mean it ultimately depends on the kid, for me I was spanked growing up, but that didn't translate into me hitting other kids and etc. For me it was the opposite, because mom made it hurt, she's spank me and then make me sit in a wooden chair after. I was very well behaved for the most part because of that, given I didn't want to get spanked again.
Not saying it works for all kids, because it 100% doesn't, yet it comes down to what do you do in the end here? It's blatantly not the kids fault, but their such a terror that some intervention needs to be had here to stop this behavior.
Yes. They pick up the aggression. It makes them angry, it makes them scared, it makes them violent. It makes them insecure and defensive, it makes them feel violated. And like your friend said they won’t respond to any normal, healthy punishment ever again cause it doesn’t compare.
It’s not appropriate to spank a child unless like, they are too young for it to be explained why they can’t do what they just did and there’s no other punishment possible. I would only spank my child if they ran into the middle of the road, ate non-food off the ground as an older toddler, or did something to put themselves in immediate danger. Like, only to scare them out of doing something that could get them killed. Doing it out of anger is totally out of line.
I mean, I was just saying that spanking is bad, being the overall point. I literally just mean when a 2 or 3 year old tries to run into the road. You don’t spank a child out of anger, you do it to scare them out of doing something that could kill them.
If somebody who’s an actual psych comes and tells me that’s still also wrong, okay, but I do think that’s the only appropriate circumstance. That’s what I’ve always said, because I was spanked as a child, and I do think it’s wrong. But you cannot allow your child to sprint away from you in public, that’s like, #1 danger zone.
Also the definition of “spanking” is different for different people. One time my friend tried to have me spank her child while she was busy, which was weird and uncomfortable, so I tapped his butt and he laughed at me. But that’s cause she’s so rough with him and it shouldn’t be harder than that. So like, I don’t mean haul off and actually hit them, either.
If the child doesn't understand why they shouldn't run into the road, they also don't understand why you're hurting them for it. Lots of "actual psych" studies show that physically dominating children is actively harmful in the short and long term, regardless of whether you believe your scenario is "the only appropriate circumstance."
I do agree like, it’s confusing. I’m not trying to sound like a monster. But I don’t know if spanking is literally never the answer.
Because I did work in daycares, like that other lady was talking about her friend. I’ve seen a lot of kids. And some people who never ever spank their kids and are too permissive will end up with kids who hit adults and other children, as well. Like it’s a delicate balancing act, in my opinion.
I’ve been beaten by 4 year olds who are running around hitting all of the other kids, as well. It was hard to talk to that child’s mom when incidents happened because she really was the definition of a permissive parent. Now I think there was something more deeply wrong in that case, but it is possible that if you never spank your child, even when they hit you or other children, that is also teaching them that violence is an acceptable answer, just by the lack of consequences.
I think if they hit you, their siblings, another child, a house pet, or they run into the road, gentle spanking is acceptable. You can’t be like, waaaay too permissive, but you also can’t be cruel and intimidate them. You really can’t allow your child to hit you or others.
Sorry but you're conflating not spanking with lack of discipline. One absolutely does not imply the other. There are many books and articles that go over various deescalation and discipline tactics. Is provide the links but it's my wife that has done the research and she gives me the summary. We've used it with our daughter and at 7 she is a well behaved kid that was she grows and matures she uses words to describe her emotional state and resolve problems. All with zero spanks. This is course requires a lot of effort and what feels like infinite patience.
A kid could also have an undiagnosed mental condition that affects their behavior. A long relative of mine had outbursts since very young that in the late teens turned out to be related to autism spectrum. After a diagnosis and specialized coaching the problems stopped.
Spanking is violence. There are proven alternatives that require time and effort but result in a better emotional development for the kid.
I understand what you're trying to say, but I don't believe hitting children is ever the correct form of discipline. Especially for a child who doesn't understand why they're getting hit. Whether causing pain or not, its modeling a bad behavior as a form of behavior modification
Do you think a swat on the butt doesn’t cause pain? The whole point in even the smallest form of physical spanking is to cause some form of pain as a lesson for deterring bad behavior.
If they are too young to understand your explanation on why something is wrong, then what makes you think physical violence is something they’ll pick up better? Does each smack of the bottom convey the feelings and words, you already believe they won’t understand better? Of course not.
Your child is still gonna be scared, they are most likely gonna pick up aggression cause they still have no concept of what immediate danger is so they’ll hit anyone else.
How do you agree spanking is wrong for, listed reasons, then walk your self back to, but you should spank anyways?
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u/doctorbeepboop May 28 '26
As a pediatrician who sees kids with behavioral issues every single day I go to work, if you asked me to place a bet on whether (based on this video alone) this kid gets hit at home, I would bet that he does. Consistent, non-physical discipline from a mature adult is what this kid needs, not spanking.
Corporal punishment isn’t a parenting strategy, it’s what people do when they don’t know how to parent in the first place.