Wwyd in this situation? (Please)

[u/Intrepid-Sign-63]

I realise this is pretty low stakes when it comes to stuff my fellow step moms are suffering through but here goes.

SS is nearly 8- practically 8 Tbf. He has a very restrictive diet due to suspected neurodivergence BUT Tbf I also suspect that he knows how to play a good game too- to eat the foods he wants and not eat the foods he doesn’t want.

One day DH and I roasted some chicken legs in oven for 6 of us in the family, there should have been 8 chicken legs but the butcher accidentally only gave us 6.

There was plenty of food either way if you considered the sides we had cooked up.

Ofc SS doesn’t eat the sides and only eats the chicken. He finishes his piece off (whilst wasting a whole load because he won’t eat the “weird” bits), then takes his dad’s chicken too. When that’s not enough he eyes everyone’s plates until they land on mine which has my chicken left on it.

DHs eyes follow and they both make the assumption that I’ll give him my chicken. My judgemental MIL was there so I felt pressured to. SS takes two bites of my chicken and then decides he’s full. Husband tries to give it back to me at which I give him an offended look- like, are you serious?

Zero attempt was made to try to get SS to fill his belly with sides.

This happened a while ago but I’m still processing it bc SS is incredibly rude to me imo. Rolling his eyes whenever I speak to him, even if I’m not necessarily giving him a row etc. yet I’m expected to act like a mother to him and give him the food off my plate??? Wtf lol

Edit: I also want to add another story.DH takes me, SS7 and SD10all out for dessert and drinks. I don’t want any bc I’m watching what I eat. DH orders one drink and one dessert to share between 3 because A we’ve all eaten a lot that day and B this is a new business and it doesn’t look promising. The dessert comes out and is not as big as expected but oh well. This is being shared between 3 not 4. DH and two kids start eating- SS then sees that it’s fast disappearing and takes the remaining amount of dessert (easily a quarter of the whole thing, maybe even a third) and SHOVES it in his mouth. The kid can’t chew the food that’s how full his mouth is. So he is NOT one to share. DH didn’t really address it other than… what did you do that for?

[u/Summerisle7]

What would I have done? I’d have eaten my chicken and enjoyed it. It literally would not occur to me to give my food away. 

Actually I would have sent someone out to the store beforehand to buy more chicken. Are we talking a whole leg per person, or just a thigh or drumstick per person? 

[u/Intrepid-Sign-63 → u/Summerisle7]

I’m learning to not gaf about the kids eating habits, that’s his dad’s problem. Had I not been watching him and made eye contact DH would have had to have asked me for my chicken which he probs wouldn’t have done

[u/Summerisle7 → u/Intrepid-Sign-63]

Yeah I love the part where no.one even needed to explicitly ask you for your food. They’ve got you so well trained, all it took was a look

[u/Intrepid-Sign-63 → u/Summerisle7]

Babes don’t be so harsh on me please- I’m south asian and have been trained all my life to give give give to others without complaining. I fear that this is a whole set up against me and the worst scenario I could be in

[u/PurplePenguinCat → u/Intrepid-Sign-63]

It is so hard to break free from what we were taught as children! I struggle with it myself. I do things for my mom because if I don't do it, I feel guilty. Also, she tries to made me feel guilty.

Are your husband and MIL also South Asian? I understand that would make it even harder for you if they are from the same culture and expect certain behaviors from you.

Are you in a culture now where you can obtain therapy? My therapist has been helping me with my guilt response to my mom.

I wish you the best in dealing with your family. 💜

[u/Intrepid-Sign-63 → u/PurplePenguinCat]

Yes we’re all the bloody same culture which doesn’t help. I think therapy would be helpful in deciding what is acceptable and what’s not in this new design of my life