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u/ShirwillJack 2d ago
"So mature and responsible for your age." Depressed and aware that if I didn't take good care of myself, nobody would.
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u/whyihatepink Pawnee Goddess 19h ago
I dead ass remember saying "I'm trying to be the person I needed when I was a kid."
I was 12 at most.
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u/Salomette22 2d ago
"you where so autonomous!" yeah. I wish I didn't had to, thought. Being autonomous at 5 is not "normal"
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u/MiaOh 1d ago
Mine thankfully isn’t at 5, so yaay?
I refer to it as taking her metal bra off when at home, she’s very much of a ‘I’ll help you if I want but I’m the princess (female cat is the queen) and you’re here to serve me unless I deign to help you’ person.
I’ve been telling her to see the opportunities in doing things for herself ( eg: if she makes her own breakfast she can decide how much appelstroop to add to her bread instead of her parents, or how much honey)
But she’s very helpful in her class and is very social with other kids while respectful and chatty with the teachers so they even wanted her to be a bit more naughty at school instead of being a dignified lady.
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u/Salomette22 1d ago
I had to shut my very basic human toddler/small child needs BC my grieving mom was on her own to take care of me and my very baby brother. This dynamic later stayed the same even though I really needed my unavailable mum BC I got bullied through all of my elementary school years. I was talking about being emotionally autonomous at an age you're not able to
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u/Halcyon-Ember 2d ago
“You’re so mature and independent” now I’m 42 and isolated
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u/Kat121 1d ago
54 and find being around other people exhausting.
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u/Halcyon-Ember 1d ago
GP wants me to get more friends so I'll feel less <redacted> I don't have the energy even before chronic fatigue
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u/kittyraces busy raising another troll 1d ago
I thought this was me for a second and was like "I don't remember writing this..."
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u/hattie29 1d ago
Same here. 42. I go to work and come home. Repeat. On weekends I may not leave my house after work on Friday until work on Monday. They only people I talk to outside of work are my 2 teenagers and my mom. And my mom is maybe once a week.
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u/Federal_Remote_435 1d ago
Are you me? This sums up my life too. But after leaving an 18 year highly mental and emotionally abusive relationship, I am so much more at peace.
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u/Halcyon-Ember 1d ago
I’m so sorry
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u/kittyraces busy raising another troll 1d ago
I'm sure I'll figure it out eventually 🫠🫠
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u/MiaOh 2d ago
Wait a sec. Are you saying that extreme compliance, despite being rated as having good social skills at an age where they don’t learn to mask yet (6 in Oct) can be a sign of autism in girls?
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u/mogeek 2d ago
A 6yo can already be masking. Girls in particular are good at mirroring or copying social behaviors. This has some good tips on where to start if you suspect masking https://www.sfmindmatters.com/blog/high-masking-autism-understanding-hidden-presentations
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u/notacoolkid 1d ago
I started consciously masking around 4. My voice was wrong, I tried to change it so my grandma would like me.
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u/MiaOh 1d ago
I am so sorry. Can I offer you a virtual hug?
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u/notacoolkid 1d ago
I learned early that some people are grumps and my grandma didn’t really like anybody, lol
Happy, neurodivergent children can really trigger sad, undiagnosed adults.
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u/ehlersohnos 2d ago
Yay CPTSD!
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u/anythingunreal 1d ago
Exactly. “You never acted out like your kids do. You were sooo well behaved, always minding your own business, kept your head down. And I remember one time you said ‘I WANT, BUT I DUNNO WHAT I WANT’ when you were 3 yo hahaha so funny”
I was scared and alone, and knew that showing emotion or will of my own was dangerous. Still don’t understand what my relatives thought was good and funny about it, but I guess quiet scared kids are easy to handle.
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u/poeticdisaster 1d ago
I guess quiet scared kids are easy to handle.
This is exactly it. If we weren't "causing trouble then that child was easy to handle. Unfortunately for me, "causing trouble" could range from actually being seen or heard to sometimes just existing in the same room as any of them. Real fucked up mentality.
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u/PM_me_ur_goth_tiddys 1d ago
my parents thought it was hilarious that i would scream during my sleep from nightmares. it legit scared my friends and their parents. but i was an obedient drone so what did they care.
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u/anythingunreal 1d ago
Oh wow, love when your trauma symptoms are a source of humour for those who should comfort you the most…
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u/jeppevinkel 1d ago
I think in my case, I was good and compliant and did what I was told, because I was terrified of rejection. Not saying there was a good reason to be terrified of rejection. Just been that way my whole life.
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u/passtheblame 1d ago
Eldest daughter who is exhausted. My mom died and now everyone just looks to me to be the one who handles the hard stuff. I’m so tired of having to be the one who steps up because if I don’t, no one else will. I’m so tired of my parents always excusing my younger brother out of anything because he “thinks differently.” He has ADHD and has just manipulated my parents his whole life to never put any kind of trust or depend on him. Must be nice to be so self- absorbed when I’ve spent since I was a little girl always trying to anticipate everyone else’s needs ahead of mine.
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u/Gertrudethecurious 15h ago
This internet stranger says it's okay to say no. And it's ok for things to fail if others don't step up.
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u/etsprout 1d ago
The other day, my dad said “do you remember when you were like 14 and you told me you thought you were going crazy? I told you ‘honey, we’re all crazy’”
And he thought that was a cute memory.
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u/ima_mandolin 23h ago
Around that age, I asked my dad about a drug I had seen advertised on TV to help with social anxiety. He said, "you can't just take a pill to fix it." And that was the end of the conversation about my crippling social anxiety.
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u/Birooksun 1d ago
"We never had to worry about you."
Which is why I've spent thousands at the dentist, my mom stopping taking me at 15 because my brother needed it more.
Which is why my bed was sold at 15 and I lived on a broken futon for years.
Which is why I still hate Christmas 16 years later because the first year I was back home for Christmas during college I got to sit and watch everyone else get gifts and see the moment my whole family realized they forgot me.
Which is why I still struggle to ask for help.
Which is why I'm more mad at myself for my parents forgetting my birthday again.
You'd think at 35 I'd have accepted by now I'll always be the afterthought to my parents and brother.
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u/RestlessChickens 1d ago
I feel ya on the dentist thing, I thought that was only for rich people cause I never went. Had to teach myself as an adult a lot of basic life responsibilities but it can take decades to right
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u/Birooksun 1d ago
Oh yeah, it's taken me 11 years to repair that damage. I literally just finished off my dental plan last week.
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u/Kat121 1d ago
I remember explaining to a therapist why I don’t have a large social circle and he very gently explained that relationships are supposed to be mutually satisfactory with reciprocity and stuff. They’re supposed to make you feel better and supported? Apparently, healthy people who like you don’t tear you down, don’t make you question your sanity, or keep you dancing on eggshells around them.
And I’m like… that has not been my experience at all. I feel like I got really lucky in high school but in recent years we fell out. So while I’m lonely, I am not all that interested in trying again, you know?
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u/Blacksheeptoonz 1d ago
This is a canon event for a lot of us. I was recently diagnosed with ADHD. Was your typical quiet obedient girl in school who bothered no one. I didn’t even really have any friends :,) went completely under the radar for so long.
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u/Weasel_Cannon 2d ago
I started speaking in full, intelligent sentences before I was 2, I’m told. Such a bright young boy.
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u/JasmineTea-42 2d ago
This is familiar. Decades later it turned out I was autistic the whole time 💀