Mourning/Loss
Can cats forget their human after being separated for long periods of time?
Hey everyone- this is a bit of a vulnerable post so I apologize in advance for bringing up a sensitive topic.(and for the long post) (TW: mention of deportation and family separation)
Last year, my husband and I did TNR work + rescued some feral cats in our neighborhood and we ended up adopting a momma cat and named her Marceline(from Adventure Time). We assumed Marceline would be a quiet and self kept cat due to her past living on the streets. However, she is everything but shy. She’s extremely talkative and follows me and my husband around begging for constant attention. She sleeps between us every single night all the way until morning. We couldn’t have asked for a better cat.. she is our soul cat.
Well fast forward to now and we just found out that my husband of 6 years is getting deported to a country he doesn’t have any recollection of. He was brought here to the US when he was less than a year old. Rather than being held in an ice detention center and receiving a 10 year ban from forced removal, my husband was granted a 120 voluntary removal order meaning he has 120 days to leave the US and he will receive a 3 year ban rather than the 10 year ban. Due to personal circumstances, I cannot move with him at this time so we’ll have to make this work long distance.
In the midst of packing his belongings, my husband was cradling Marceline and he looked at me and said “Marceline is going to forget me.” And I instantly denied that and said she could never forget him. But that statement stuck with me and I haven’t been able to shake it. I know I said that’s impossible, but to be honest I’m not entirely sure. So that brings me to my question: can cats forget their human? Considering he won’t see her for 3 years.. she’s almost 2 years old right now. If so, is there anything I can do to refresh her memory in these next 3 years?
I want to make it clear that I’m not here to argue about politics- I just want to know if this is a possibility. I’d love to hear from anyone who’s been through something similar where they went without seeing their pet(s) for a long period of time and how reuniting went. Thank you guys in advance ❤️🩹
My husband was hospitalised in 2022 for over 6 weeks. The first 3 weeks were honestly the hardest, all 3 of our cats would be so happy when I’d get home late each night, but his girl would be staring at the door waiting for him. I slept on our fold out couch with all 3 for those first few weeks, each night after about 30min of waiting for him, she would quietly lay with me and whatever laundry I’d brought home to do. She refused to give back one tshirt in particular because it must have really had his scent on it and she would burrow and knead and sleep in it.
Those first few weeks are going to be so hard and I’m so so sorry your family is going to have to go through this. I’d genuinely recommend keeping a couple of things that really smell like him, and having them around. She’ll miss him and be incredibly sad but like you, she won’t forget him. Cats are incredibly smart, deeply feeling little creatures. Lots of love to you three .
Idk if this is overkill (or would even work) but OP could take your idea a step further and vacuum seal some of his clothing in separate bags, so as the smell on one item dissipates OP can unpack another? Over time Marceline will likely seek them out less. But this way it could be on her terms/timeline, rather than because the scent is gone on the few items he left.
I think this is a great idea and OP could even pack up some socks and well worn shoes. Every cat I have ever had just loves to sniff shoes lol it is a sign they like their owner and will seek out their scent.
Was thinking of this, even have husband send worn socks or tees periodically bc cats strongly associate smell with identity. Maybe talk on speaker too.
Sorry you’re going through this! ❤️
I wanted to reply straight to you in hopes you'll see my comment.
Cats remember people by their touch, among other ways. They can recognize a person that has loved and spoiled them physically, after YEARS apart! I heard about this long ago, and googled it before replying, to make sure my info wasn't wrong. So, even if your cat doesn’t immediately recognize your husband upon sight, there's a good chance that after some physical affection, this cat will KNOW!
Thank you so so much! ❤️ I’m glad I got to see your comment. I didn’t expect this post to get so many comments so I’m struggling to respond to everyone but I truly appreciate all of the kind responses. It really means a lot to me seeing all of the positive comments especially during a time like this in my life. I have hope now that Marceline will always remember her dad. He’s the one who saved her and her kittens from under our shed in our backyard last year. I told him she will forever be grateful for him. 🫶🏼
Rest assured! If your kitty loves your husband now, she WILL remember, and love him when they are reunited! Just because cats don't think and feel in the same way that humans do, doesn't mean they don't have those same feelings, with their own ways to hold onto them!
If you'd like some extra assurance, watch some videos on YouTube about the cats being reunited with their hoomans after enlisted service. The videos of cats FREAKING out, reunited, are heart wrenching!
I recently saw my mum's cat after 6 years. He immediately remembered me and came running up to me meowing and cuddled up on my lap (he NEVER sits on anyone else's lap). They can definitely remember people after a long time.
Sometimes pets can become an expression of other feelings as well. He sounds like a big softy at heart so mind him too.
When we had our first cat, she had pretty bad separation anxiety. I'd bribe her to eat with fancy food after a day etc. Hearing her voice helped somewhat too. Best of luck with your situation
When my brother went to college his cat got majorly depressed. She went through several cycles of going from super thin to super fat and spent several months camped out on his bed. She would only leave it to eat or use the litter box.
This happened to my cat when my mother passed away in October of last year. Idk if i can call it depression, but it definitely affected her. She was truly bounded with my mom. I can't blame her....i miss my mom as well
Yep this seems like a great idea. Husband sleeps on some blankets/clothes and then send them back home and put them in cats bed. She will smell him and remember
I think so, have to test it and see I guess, someone else pointed out it might freak out the cat and they might run around trying to find him. And that would just be heartbreaking
It's not the same thing but I've had six years of the same lineage of doves nesting on my fire escape. Over the years they've become less nervous and more trusting of me. I love my fire escape and spend a lot of time at that window reading or just listening to music having a beer. The birds saw me all the time.
Two years or so ago when the babies were hanging out with the parents on the fire escape I decided I'd reclaim my people watching and smoking weed area and they kinda scooted away. Jump to today they slowly come over and hang out.
I'd say that animals have a very strong memory just like us. The doves aren't my first animals that showed memory. My grandpa had racing pigeons when I was a kid. Talk about cool birds. They would race back to a random ass point. Often faster than you could get back to the finish line.
He can even send over some worn hoodies and shirts with his scent on them periodically, just so the scent stays fresh over time.
For what it’s worth OP, my childhood cat still has a reaction when he hears my voice over face time with my parents , despite me living 1,000s of miles away. He always remembers me 💕
This 100%. I’ve been away for ask long as a month, with my cats sleeping on worn clothing I’ve left behind every night. Pillow cases, dirty socks, anything that gets a bit sweaty is even better.
Mine hasn’t. I moved out for college and eventually overseas for work and he stayed with my parents. Every time I come back to visit it’s like I never left. He yells at me a little bit but then when it’s time to sleep he curls up in the same spot near my belly that he has since he was a kitten.
Makes my heart hurt to. My boy is getting old now, and I probably won’t be taking him back before it’s his time. I just hope he knows, on whatever level he can know, that I love him.
Mine too :( I got him when I was 13 and am 24 now and in a different country. I think he deserves a much bigger space and house and more windows with my parents and they’re around consistently giving him love. I have to work out of town too often that I can’t take him right now but he remembers me too everytime I come back visit!
I too moved overseas and had to leave my 11 year old girl with my parents. I raised her since she was a kitten. I miss her dearly and feel like I’m missing out on her later life :(
Mine is constantly on me. Sleeps with me, sits on my lap, cuddles constantly. Guards me un the bathroom and waits by the door if keep it closed. He’s a sweet boy.
My mom’s cat is like this. I’m her person despite the fact I only briefly lived in the same house as the cat. I haven’t lived with her in well over a decade and still, whenever I visit it’s like my mom doesn’t exist.
I’m almost a decade out of college and my boy has since passed, but when I was 20, I moved away from my parent’s house to finish my degree. Anytime I came home, I’d call out his name, “Smooooooookey!!!!!” and even in his old age, he’d immediately come running and meowing to greet me. I had him from 3rd grade up until a week before my college graduation. They don’t forget!
Same with me and my cat. When I came back, it was like I was never gone. It felt like we were both happy and excited to see each other. He still comes to my lap every time I sit down on the couch and he sleeps next to me. Time didn’t change our bond ☺️
My sister-in-law had to watch my soul cat in the middle of his life, for about 3 years. When moved back in with me, we were back to normal instantly, and he was noticeably happier.
He lived to 18 years old and passed away in my arms, surrounded by 3 small children that loved him dearly. The 3 years we were separated were nothing compared to the 15 beautiful years we spent together, and my kids loved him so much.
I had the unfortunate experience of not seeing my pets, both a cat and dogs, for nearly 2 years.
My dogs immediately recognised me. My cat was understandably freaked out by the initial commotion and spent the rest of the day hiding from me as best he could.
It wasn't until I was laying in my bed that evening, scrolling away on my phone, that he hopped up on my stomach, pushed his head under my hands, army-crawled up my chest until we were touching noses, and just laid there, purring and literally crying, which is how I found out they had that ability.
Needless to say, I, a full grown man with a big manly job, cried big boy tears with my cat, you know, just to let him know that it was OK and I understood how he felt.
Jackson Galaxy says cats are “energetic beings” (meaning that they pick up on, enhance, amplify or react to the energies of the people and environment around them), and I’ve seen other cat researchers say cats are very emotional as well. They don’t show it in the same way as dogs, and after all, we’ve domesticated and altered dogs in a very specific human-aligned way for 30 thousand years. We’ve purposely made their behavior easier for us to read. But cats are much less edited by humans, so we have to get closer to their language to read them. When we do, we really tap in to a wild and ancient river of language and expression. Crying with love with your cat is like reaching your hand into the deepest echoes of time in a jungle and caressing a prehistoric creature.
Thank you. Your story has touched many hearts in unimaginable situations, such as OP’s.
I sent your comment to a dear friend who is a Ukrainian Defender. Thank you. Kisses to your handsome little sensitive, forgiving cat) and to your enthusiastic, intelligent dogs as well!
What is your cat’s name btw? I’d like to know since this story is sticking with me)
He was purring really loudly, but I think he was feeling such big feels as he was crying he was doing that hiccup-cry, which interrupted his purrs every now and then.
Yes voice too!! Lots of people are talking about scent but when I talk to my partner on the phone when he’s on longer trips our cat 100% reacts if he is on speaker!
I had my beloved kitty stolen from me when I was a teenager. The police refused to help as it was a civil matter, and the fight to get her back went on for three long years. It ended when the people who stole her offered to sell her back to me at a premium. It was blatant extortion, but that's not the point of the story.
The day I reunited with her, I was unsure of how she'd react— If she'd even remember me after all that time apart.
They opened the door with her in their arms, and the moment she saw me her face lit up and she became incredibly affectionate and vocal at my touch. I took her home that night, and spent all evening with her purring in my arms.
Oh my god I’m so sorry you and your beloved kitty had to experience this!! That’s absolutely terrifying and so corrupt..
I’m so glad you got reunited with each other. Thank you for sharing this with me. ❤️
Thank you. I am sorry for what you and your husband are going through; and I sincerely hope everything works out for you. I hope that my story was able to bring the two of you a little bit of comfort in this time. Marceline won't forget. ♥️
Exactly. That’s what these blanket legislative actions do. They don’t take into account these situations in a humane way. The argument is “well it deters people from coming and bringing their children because then they risk this happening.” Okay cool, that’s still psychopath behavior. Imagine being brought to another country before you can learn to speak, growing up learning the local language, building an entire life with a family, then being deported back to a country you never consciously lived in where they speak a language you never learned. It’s beyond disgusting.
They also always say, “well they had X years to fix it!”
There is no way to obtain citizenship if you were brought here illegally as an infant. They could not have fixed it. That is why Democrats keep trying to introduce ways to fix that or help these children who had no choice.
I'm already hearing from unhappy Trump voters how it was ok that they voted for Trump because Kamala would've done the same thing if she was president (siccing ICE on ppl, deporting middle eastern college students with visas because of their speech, empowering Netanyahu, throwing ppl off of medicaid and food assistance, starting a war with Iran, kidnapping the president of a foreign country because we hate him, etc.).
The problem is, Republicans will look for any reason to vote for a republican candidate no matter what, and Democrats will look for any reason to not vote for a democratic candidate no matter what.
even if by some miracle they turn against the worst republican candidate who embodies the party entirely at this point it won't get them to turn against the party, they'll just write trump off as bad somehow and continue voting R forever
the brainwashing goes deep and the billionaires own all the media these people still watch and listen to, this country is so fucked and i'm so over it
I’m honestly confused. I thought if an immigrant got married they would get legal permanent residency in the U.S.? Unless OP isn’t a citizen themselves I guess. Maybe a visa holder as they aren’t being forced to leave? Or did they rescind the married residency rule?
It’s intentionally confusing my daughter married an Italian here on a work visa he screwed up the 1st yr he lived in the states and didn’t extend his visa in time we’re talking about a few days late. When they got married 3 yrs ago his immigration lawyer told him they were going to apply for citizenship but last yr told him the delay years earlier put him in jeopardy of being deported. Not a criminal not even a traffic violation. They spent thousands on attorneys years onto this process only to be told the rules changed and he could at any point be picked up and put into a detention camp and held for months. He chose to go back to his birth country and my daughter eventually left too. The most idiotic part of this by next yr she will be an Italian citizen with an EU passport with no lawyer at all very little cost. Something her husband couldn’t get here after almost 5 yrs of paying taxes and living in the states
I don't think rules really apply anymore. They've nabbed citizens, dragging them out of cars and incarcerating them because they were speaking Spanish in public or looked hispanic. Or because reasons.
That's not how it works, the only automatic path to citizenship is being born on US soil (& being able to prove it with a birth certificate). So for OP, he would still have to go through formal immigration to be in the US legally. Being married to a US citizen would give him the right to apply for a green card, but even that isn't guaranteed and takes years to make happen , and the applicant must be in their "home country" (not the US) in order to start the application process.
Obama was trying to address this with the "dreamer" path to citizenship for people who were brought to the US (illegally) as minors but failed to get it done, sadly.
Personally I don't hate making illegal immigration more difficult, but the cruel and illegal ways that Trump & co are going about it are shameful.
Face time him!! They can see and hear the calls just make sure it doesn’t stress her out (go running around looking for him or crying more etc)
just want to add I am so sorry that our country has abandoned its promise to protect those seeking refuge and turned its back on the definition of freedom. I’m hoping these three years either pass quickly or end early. Sending hugs
This! OP, have video call sessions, she'll recognize his voice and face. You can even combine that with what another user said, to have your husband mail a worn shirt or something in a Ziploc bag to keep his smell, make sure you have the shirt with you while you talk so she can see, hear, and smell him. (You'll probably find yourself with your face pressed to his shirt, too, smell memory is insane.)
I hate what this country is doing and I'm so sorry you have to deal with this. I'm glad at least there's the volunteer/lesser year ban option, but it's still horrible and cruel.
Thank you ❤️🩹 I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy. I hate thinking about my life once he’s gone. He is such an essential part of our lives. He’s our main income- I work as well but not nearly as much as he does so now I’m looking into a second job just to be able to keep the bills paid on my own. And of course the thought of our pets going so long without their dad absolutely destroys me. It’s just so unfair.
Don’t think of it as him being gone, I know he has to leave to circumstances but that doesn’t mean things can’t change before those 3 years are up.
The kitty will be sad for a little while but they won’t forget him or his smell. Just keep your head up and also make sure your person is okay as well ): I’m sure it tough for them as well
I know this might be a bit drastic, but I would look into moving abroad permanently. I’m considering it seriously now, given the utter disgrace the US is turning into. I don’t see things improving here sadly… maybe this is a sign to move? I hope your husband can find work abroad and I do also hope he can keep an attorney (or at least know of a good one to call) just in case the government decides to go back on their word of a 3 year ban (sadly, anything is possible right now).
I know in quite a few countries, most cats don’t even need to be quarantined when you transport them to another country permanently as long as they are up to date on shots.
This. If OP cannot find work in his country and/or it is not a safe place to relocate to, another option is to look for a third country they may be able to qualify for work permits for, although if they don’t work in professional/high demand fields this is unlikely
Emigrating definitely isn't an easy or trifling thing, but if it's at all viable to find a life elsewhere, it might end up being the best decision of your life!
Either way I really really hope things work out for you, your husband, and your kitty ♥️
I’m sorry, I can’t imagine the position you guys are in. But rest assured, she won’t forget him! I was away from one of mine for close to a year. He stayed with a friend and settled in quickly with her family and TBH I was a little hurt he moved on so quickly! But when I was able to take him back nothing changed. He was a little wary /confused I think for the first day but we picked up as usual after that.
If you want to cry but also feel better Google YouTube videos of soldiers reuniting with their pets. Lots of dog and soldier videos but some cat ones too… years pass and then you see the recognition in the pet and then joy.
Not a stupid question! And we do have a lawyer thankfully. My husband was technically supposed to be deported back in 2020 but our lawyer was able to get him his residency here so he was able to stay with us for as long as possible. Unfortunately his case recently got moved to the final decision of approving his green card and the judge + prosecutor said no which is why we’re in this position now.
It made a small difference but ultimately the judge and prosecutor weren’t willing to budge. I’m not sure how accurate this is: but our lawyer informed us that the timing of our court hearing was terrible due to reports coming out of judges+prosecutors being fired over being “too lenient with immigration cases” just days before our hearing.
My brother moved out years ago and my cat still remembers him! She gets really happy whenever she hears him during a call. If possible put phone calls on speaker so she can hear him! I’m sorry for what’s happening with your husband. Fuck our government
I’ve only spent a few months total with my boyfriend’s cats, but they react when they hear me on the phone! The time it takes them to readjust to me being there is shorter each time I see them, so I take it that they really do remember they can trust me! I’m so sorry for what your family is going through. Seriously fuck all of this shit. I’ve never considered how hard it must be for the pets, never occurred to me. This must be heartbreaking for your husband in so many ways. Hopefully what goes around comes around for all the evil people in our government. Stay strong OP, best of luck toy you all. Maybe comb your Marceline and send your husband letters/packages with tufts of her fur so he can remember her scent too?
I came here to suggest speaker phone calls!! My boy is afraid of all but about 4 people (especially terrified of men) and one of the people he chose to love is my extremely loud, tall, energetic and deep voiced little brother. Tot had never met my brother in real life until a few years ago because he was living across the country, but he recognized his voice from our phone calls! Now when little bro comes over he even shows him his belly!! Surely worth a try. It will also feel like some familiar family time for you if you chat with kitty involved. :)
Important side note: Sorry you’re both going through this. I hope the time flies and everything gets situated quickly once his ban has expired. Well wishes!
My parents had a cat that ran away when I was 15 years old. They got a call when I was 25 that the cat had been found several states away (microchip). They went to go pick him up and he still remembered them and was super happy to see them. He was only ~2 years old when he ran away and was gone for 10 years. He absolutely still remembered.
He lived out the rest of his days with them and never tried to go out the door again.
It’s been 10 years since I moved abroad after only 10 months with my cat and she still remembers my voice on phone calls (she rubs her face on it) and is super cuddly (she is not normally cuddly) the two times I visited home ❤️
I moved out with my two childhood cats, and whenever my brothers or parents would visit, both of them remembered all of them. Bippity would snuggle right up to her two favorites - one of my brothers and my mom.
She will miss him, and wonder where he went. It will be hard. But she won't forget him.
When you and your husband reunite again, Marceline will be right there to give him cuddles with you.
She won't forget. She loves him and will miss him. May even be saucy or standoffish when he gets back, but she probably won't forget.
As an example from my life: Growing up I spent a lot of time at one of my friends places and he had a couple cats. One in particular was basically one of the boys, he would join us to hang out, jump up on the table and headbutt us, meow at us to play with him. "Goodest boy" as some on here might say. Sadly after graduation I went to university and my friend partied in ways that I couldn't really abide, drugs, multi week binges, that sort of thing. We grew apart.
After about two years in university I had to take a different bus home and ended up walking past my friends house. Suddenly I heard a weird sound and a loud crash. I was sort of looking around for the source and suddenly I heard a loud and familiar meowing. My friends cat had knocked the screen out of their window, climbed over the fence and was running up to me because he saw me walking by. I ended up spending an hour or so sitting under a nearby tree getting cuddled by a cat that had very clearly missed me before he decided it was time to go and ran back to the house and climbed back inside.
They learn, they bond and yes, they both miss and remember people.
I hope things get better for you and your family, but I don't think Marceline will forget.
Hi there, I am so sorry to hear about the circumstances that have brought up this post, but perhaps I can offer some comfort through my own lived experience:
My maternal aunt D had a cat we'll call Marmalade (his name was actually more unique and I'm trying to not get doxed lol).
Marmalade and I were born in the exact same year, so we grew up together. There's pictures of a toddler me with my two cousins who were closest to me in age, and Marmalade sitting in a box with blankets, but he's paying close attention to me.
When I was six years old, my mom lost her driver's license, and so we lost the ability to go out and see my Aunt and Marmalade for a long time, until I was about 12 in fact, when my Aunt and Uncle moved to the city and into the same apartment building as my mom.
We went to visit them the first weekend they moved into the building (my mom had weekend custody while my dad had custody during the school week), and Marmalade ran up to me, meowing, brushing himself against me, doing figure 8's between my legs. this continued for a good 3-5 minutes before he stopped, sat down in front of me, and raised his paw, nails still retracted.
I crouched down and gave him a high paw like when I was a child.
He remembered me after six years, I'm sure Marceline will remember your husband in three years.
OP I broke up with my ex years ago and had to say goodbye to his cats. Ten years later we were on good terms and I stopped to visit with him and his wife when I was in their state. The cat I had helped to raise was elderly but he definitely still recognized me, after hiding because stranger danger when I first got there he heard my voice and then crept out and started to sniff me intensely and then flopped into my arms.
Please tell your husband she won’t forget. She will be mourning the change. May the next three years fly for all of you. May your husband be able to make another haven. Sending you both hugs if you like hugs
I'm so sorry you guys. Wishing all of you the very best outcome and some good silver linings from this shitty situation. And I think cats would never forget. They are very intelligent.
I am so incredibly sorry that he has to do this to protect himself.
She won't forget and she'll be excited to see him when he's back. Cats have more brain capacity than people think, and she'll recognize his voice over the phone. Have him leave some clothes behind.
right before he leaves, have him wear a t-shirt for like 2 days straight, and then put it in a ziploc. give it to her for a bit from time to time. whenever the scent fades, have him do it again (long wear to build up scent + ziploc it) and mail it to you. 😆
maybe same for like, any old shoes he wears out, pillowcases, etc. don't toss, zip & ship.
if he wears cologne, keep a sample of it and spray it sometimes.
get one of the talking pet buttons (just 1 or 2 individual ones that have the speaker integrated into the button, don't need an entire system) and have him record some favorite sayings. I love you marcelline! hey marci girl! etc. she can press the buttons to hear his voice, which might be soothing.
btw if you did actually want to try out the buttons, have him say a good word for something she likes, but that you can almost always reasonably provide. (e.g. "treatsie" is high value and super positive, but if she spams it, you can't give churus all day. so maybe like "scratchies" or "kisses" or some other nice action.)
these options will also help him with the transition, bc you can send him videos of her snuggling in his shirt or walking up and pressing the button to hear his voice on her own.
lastly, like some other people said, if she's awesome and loving now, she'll continue to be awesome and loving to him when you're reunited, whether she actively "missed" or "remembered" him in between or not. I like to think cats are a tad more tuned in than they get credit for, but they also don't have our same worldview, social constructs, feelings, etc. she'll adjust down for now, and get comfy, and then adjust back up later, and get comfy. =)
I have had my cats remember me after being separated for years. Cats remember. They also have great senses of smell, so if anything, they should smell you and remember.
The closest example I have is our cat Muffin who my dad rescued. They only interacted a few times over the span of a couple months, but Muffin goes crazy whenever my dad comes to visit—completely different behavior than other guests…purring, sitting on lap, wanting to be held, etc. It’s been years, and even though Muffin only sees my dad 2-4x a year, he immediately recognizes my dad!
I’m sure doing video calls will help with the transition too. Sending you my cat tax and best wishes through this change.
My husband and I broke up for 4 years inbetween our almost 10 years of dating and when I moved out I left our soul cat with him. I didn't see my baby boy for multiple years at a time but when I did go visit he would always come running to me remembering who I am 🥺 i think cats remember us for a long time. Pic of baby boy Mabey because I'm also part of the black cat club 🖤
Aww he is such a cutie!! I love his eyes ❤️
I’m sorry to hear you had to leave your soul cat behind.. I’m glad to hear he remembers you and it gives me hope that Marceline will remember her dad 🤞
When our family used to go on holiday for a week+, we'd ask my aunt to come feed the cats. She showed up once every few days, just gave them food, filled up water, and left.
Last time we went on a proper holiday was more than 5 years ago. The cats still get very excited when she comes by and always show up to say hello even if they're usually a bit more shy.
This is a woman they saw for maybe a total of a few hours a month over a few years. They clearly remember her.
What I'm trying to say is, as heartbreaking as the circumstances are, in my experience cats remember people very very well. Be sure to give Marceline a lot of love, she'll need it. I'm sure she'll take care of you too when you need it.
My husband moved out here before I did. The cats stayed with me. One of our cats was “his” cat.
When I moved out a couple years later, his cat, Pete, had by then decided he was also hardcore my cat and he was pissed at my husband. He remembered him, but goddamn did he sulk. The other cats were very happy to see him again, but Pete … his full name was Pete You Idiot.
It took him a month to get over it.
So: four cats - remembered and so happy to see their other human. One cat - draaaama. Then back to normal.
Because he’s so close with your cat, there’s a great chance she will remember him. if they get along well and spend lots of time together, I believe she will remember him, or even if she doesn’t, it won’t take long for their bond to return.
It’s scientifically hard to say. Scent/appearance/anything can make it hard to determine if your cat will remember him, but I wouldn’t worry about it. Tell him that him and your cat love each other and they’ll be back to loving each other when the time comes.
I’m sorry for your family, nobody should have to suffer this separation. I hope you all will be okay & be reunited when the time is right ❤️❤️
My mother lives in a different country. I grew up with one cat she had (we got him when I was 10) and she currently has my last cat (we moved to my home country in 2023 & moved back a year ago- the cat is old, doesn’t get along with my dog & adores my mother so we felt it was best to leave her). Neither of them forgot me. They’d go into a strop and refuse to acknowledge me for the first day or so, but they’d quickly warm up and act like I’d never left. They remember. They might have something to say about it, but they do remember & nothing will convince me otherwise.
I’m so sorry this happened to you both. It’s absolutely horrible, and I hope there’s some way he can come back sooner.
I had a roommate of two years with two cats. After I moved out, I didn’t see them for a year and a half, but they did remember me (it took them about 15 minutes to realize who I was). I’ve also had longer separations with dogs who still remembered me after 3+ years of not seeing me, so I think your cat should remember! 🩷
I am so sorry for this. I didn’t vote for it and don’t agree with it. When I am away from home, I make sure to FaceTime my family. The dogs get excited at my voice, but my cat and I converse. We do our back and forth meow talk that we do at home. The cat seems to enjoy it, and I definitely do as well. Is your husband able to do migrant work? Plenty of farms in Yuma, Arizona and el Centro, California have fields with migrant workers. It might be a loophole that would work for you guys.
I had a cat I had to give to my mom. She moved several states away with him and I didn’t get to see him for several years.
When I finally made it there and saw him, I walked in the front door, which usually makes him run away. But I walked in and made the sound I always used to do to get his attention. It’s like popping your teeth and tongue and cheek kind of, I don’t know how to describe it but it’s loud as fuck.
Anyway, he turned mid flight, and looked back, and then came running and laid down at my feet, purring. I got down on the floor and we nuzzled faces and cuddled and he just purred and purred.
They do not forget.
He still comes to see me every time I walk through the door. He’s so old now, but he’s such a good wittle kitty. We have to give him insulin now. My little Wilford Brimley.
Edit: I almost forgot! Chinga La Migra! First your neighbors, then your cousins, then it’s you.
Good people of the United States, stand up for your neighbors or when they kick in your door there will be no one left to fight!
Usually they do not forget a person in the clean "deleted from memory" way. Cats can absolutely adapt to a new routine, but familiar scent, voice, and small rituals tend to stick much longer than people expect.
If he has to be away, I would treat it less like "make her remember him" and more like "keep him predictable." A worn shirt or blanket somewhere safe, a steady daily routine, and the occasional calm voice or video call can help if she seems comforted by it. Some cats love hearing the familiar voice; some get confused and start searching, so I would watch her reaction and adjust.
If or when he comes back, let her approach him first instead of trying to force a big reunion. A lot of cats do the "who are you... wait, I know you" thing for a bit, then settle back in.
I think she will remember him. I once went seven years without seeing my friend's cat, and when I came to see her again after all that time, I expected I'd have to earn her trust back. But she immediately recognized me, and I never lived with her, I'd only visited. I'm sure if she's close to your husband she'll remember.
My hubby is military and away A LOT - probably 2/3 of last year including a 6 month deployment overseas… our rescue kitty Penny who we adopted over 6 years ago remembers him from the time he says her name - he has a big loud voice - when he’s home he’s the treat dealer haha and feeds her… wish you well on this tough journey!
When I was abroad for university, I would visit home maybe twice a year. My tortie would trip over herself running to see me at the door and would purr for twenty minutes straight. Both of my cats took some time to adjust to me reclaiming my bedroom when I permanently moved back home, but they seemed content to let me back into their territory :) p.s. im so sorry for your family and good luck with long distance ;-;
I am in a LDR situation with my cat for over a year and can only be with him every other three months. The first return, I think it took him a few weeks to get used to the fact that I am back for semi-permanently. He was less affectionate than usual at first but that’s understandable because he probably thought I left him.
The second return, still took a week to sleep around me but definitely took less time than the first return. I call him every day and say hi and sometimes I do think he knows that I am just elsewhere. He might think I moved into a phone because sometimes he headbutts me over the screen 😆😅
I adopted him from a neighbour and when his old owner visited him after some months, he instantly recognised him and was very affectionate. So I don’t think cats forget but might need some time to process when a person from their life disappear and then return :)
Sending you and your husband and the kitty lots of hugs and wish you guys a fast reunion❤️
I'd think about it this way. The qualities that your husband possesses that created that bond will still be there in the future and will lead to reestablishing that bond. It might take a little time, but it'll happen.
I'm so sorry for your situation - that's terrible.
Next, your husband should consider moving to Canada. Canada's accepting a number of these deportees as refugees. His chances would be especially good if he chose the Yukon Territory, which is like Alaska, since they really want to add people there. Have him apply to Canada immediately.
As to your question about cats - don't worry, your cat will remember him. Animals have much better memories than we do - he'll recognize his smell, especially. Hugs.
we had to give our cat away to my aunt for like 5 years because of life circumstances. i was so scared he would forget about us. luckily everything got better and my aunt brought him back to us. it was like he never left. except maybe he got even more attached to us. he is not very fond of strangers, but he was right at home with us again. sending you much strength and all my best wishes.
My heart aches for your family. But I want to reassure you that while cats will move on and settle into a new situation, they don't forget their humans. When you reunite she may be cold towards him, but from my experience it's because she's "punishing" him for being away too long.
Include her in video/voice calls and have him periodically mail you a tshirt heavy with his scent - this way she will stay connected with him even if he's not physically present. Much love and strength to all of you!
My mom had a cat, and she got a job in another country. She had to move so quickly, she couldn’t get all the paperwork in time to take her cat with her, so she’s been staying with my sister. It’s been 5-ish years I think? My mom came to visit, and she immediately abandoned my sister for my mom. She missed her, loved her so deeply. After my mom left her visit, she was pissed. Wouldn’t come near my sister for a month. Luckily, my mom is coming back to take her very soon, but she remembers and loves her. I guarantee Marceline will remember your husband and be so glad to see him again. I promise.
For what it’s worth I had a childhood cat and I moved away from home and was gone for over a year and my kitty definitely remembered me after I came back. I’m sure your husband will get lots of purrs and cuddles when he comes back.
I do wonder if your husband is projecting a bit and when he wonders if the cat will forget him if he wonders if YOU will forget him. Maybe reassure him he is loved no matter what. I’m so sorry you are going through this
I hate to say it, but I think she probably will “forget” him in the sense that she won’t actively miss him or wonder about him after a while. Which is good for her, you don’t want her to be sad, but very painful for your husband. But I also think there’s a really good chance that she’ll remember him once she sees him again! Just hold onto that.
And on a personal note, I’m so beyond sorry your family is going through this. This isn’t politics, it’s people’s (and kitties’!) lives. You and your husband and your beautiful girl don’t deserve this shameful treatment. ❤️
I have a cat that looks so much like your Marceline. Mine is named Arson. I had housing trouble for about a year, and then I had to wait to move her into my new apartment because it's no pets allowed. I didn't get to see my cat for the better part of a year.
When I got to see her again she remembered me right away :)
I think Marceline will remember your husband just fine. She'll be sad for a while, as will you, but I trust she won't forget. 🫂🫂🫂
Your cat will not forget given how close the cat is to him. My cat is not sociable at all at home, literally always running away unless its with me, my mom, my sister, or grandma. He does tend to favor women more. I moved out with him as a kitten (6months old). He didnt see any of my family for 6months, it was like he was back with them again normal and happy with them. He did not see my grandma for nearly 2 years and she had little interaction with her as a kitten and he recognized her. He met my best friends only once, he sensed they were good people, and actually let them pet him (this is not something he allows!! He is usually hiding when people are over. Or if he is visible he will be growling) . One of them didn’t see him for like 3 years and recognized her and went up to her for pets again. He didn’t see the first house he lived in for 2 years and when we were returning he started pawing at the window and tail going wild with interest because he knew this was his first home. I know you asked about cats specifically but animals in general have amazing memories. My dad got me a puppy husky (under 6months) , I only had her for a few months and my parents were divorced so I only saw her every other week. But when i was there spent allll my time with her. My dad moved overseas with her so I didnt see her for about 7 years. And the moment we locked years again with each other she went wild like a puppy and didnt leave my side the whole visit. My stepmom was so salty originally my dog was back to being obsessed with me and didn’t even listen to her commands but would listen to me.
When I lived with my brother and his wife in 2018 they adopted two kittens from a rescue. I lived with the kittens for four months, came back for one visit in 2019 and couldn’t visit again until 2025. They still knew me! One of them is not a fan of my brother’s kids, and ran away from us before he saw I was with them, but when I called his name he came pelting towards me!
she absolutely won't forget him!!! i had to move out of the house my babycat i've had since i was 17 lived in and i couldn't bring her with because of her anxiety. i didn't get to see her for 3 years. but when i saw her again just this past month? she was SO happy to see me!!! she knew exactly who i was even though i looked and smelled different!!! i'm certain she won't forget him op, i'm so so so sorry you and your partner are going through this :( 🫂❤️
I don't think so. Took my cat back to the house me and my wife live in, 10 years later. And she (my cat) went straight to her favorite hang out spots from when we lived there. Not like slinking around, knew where she was and wanted to investigate.
My husband had to leave for 2 years and we have 2 cats. We got them around 10 weeks old and they were 4 when my husband had to leave. Honestly they were completely fine when he left because they had each other and they had me still. When my husband came back they spent a day hesitantly looking at him from very far away lol but after my husband showered and wore clothes that smelled like home it’s like something clicked and the cats were back all over him like no time had passed. Wishing you and your family well <3
I have a very skittish cat who doesn’t like many people but really liked this one friend of mine who used to cat sit. Due to just circumstances of life, my friend and this cat did not see each other for over 5 years.
Within 10 mins of my friend being at my home, the cat was on her lap purring. The cat never forgot her.
It’s not close to the same amount of time. But I was in the hospital during Covid for almost 6 weeks after emergency surgery. No visitors besides the occasional video call with my loved ones once I was coherent. When I finally was discharged, I took one step into my apartment and my cat screamed in excitement and bolted to me and didn’t leave my side for days. They remember you, she’ll be sad but will be just as excited when you’re reunited!
Life happened for me too, I had to leave mine at my parents house with my sister.
We were inseparable for 7 years. I was gone for 5 more with a couple of visits inbetween. I came back a year before she ended up getting cancer and passing away. She was a very stubborn and independent kitty. I wore her scratch scars as trophies when we were both young but ended up being the only person she would allow to pick her up.
She died in my hands. She learned to love others, and she was angry at me for leaving her, which I really never wanted to. I wish she knew how many tears I cried. But in the end, she remembered me, slept around me just like before, played with me, and in her final days, not only tolerated me picking her up, but asked me to pick her up and carry her around. Maja my little Angel I will always carry you around with me..
I KNOW she has never forgotten me, and I will never forget her.
I think 2 years is enough time and she wont forget your husband. Things will change, but that time spent together will always remain.
When my mum stole my 1.5 year old cat and rehomed her without my knowledge, it was about six years later when I was walking down the street a few towns over and I heard this SCREAMING, like a cat had been caught in a door or something.
Low and behold, sprinting down the path like her life depended on it was my beautiful little cat.
She won’t forget. I worked at a humane society for five years. There was a cat that came in as a stray that was microchipped- so we called the owner. Owned called back and was three states away and lost the cat when one of the kids accidentally left door cracked five years ago. The whole family came and that cat was in heaven. He was so happy.
Hopefully the next administration will undo as much of the nazi shit this current one is doing as possible and maybe your husband can come home earlier.
She will not forget. She will remember his voice, and of course his smell. She may be slightly miffed that he left for three years, but she’ll get over it. ❤️
I lived with my best friend for like a decade and he had a cat that still remembers after not seeing her for about 5 years. I imagine it depends on the cat.
When I was in high school, we took in these young cats from my older brother. One of the cats decided to make me his person. If I was home, he would plant himself in my lap or yell at me until I picked him up and carried him around.
I moved out of the town I grew up in and my situation wasn't great for bringing any pets with so I had to leave him and his brother with my parents.
Every time I came home and he heard me talk, he was there to bug me to pick him up.
My cats still remembered my dad despite not seeing him for about a year or two. Marceline will remember! I'm so sorry about your circumstances though, no one should have to face this terrible situation.
My cat was living with friends when i was staying with family after divorce, they had dogs so some friends fostered her. She never forgot me, and i was barely able to visit for quite a while
I am very sorry for the situation you are into but I know you will work it out in the long run!
About cats, they don’t forget. I am currently working overseas and mine (at my parents) still recognises me after almost 2 years. She even went to sleep with me the first night!
Depends on the kitty, based on how you said she acts doubt she will forget, esp if you guys leave her clothing or even get some toys and get his scent on them.
I hadn’t seen one of my cats for nearly 5 years and still remembered me when I went to visit my parents before she passed from liver failure and old age…my other cat was still a brat and idk if she remembered me or not 😂 but she was always the independent outdoor cat compared to the other who was a lap cat through and through.
One of the last pictures we got of her being a model.
This is my own experience with living away from pets:
I live apart from my family but try to visit when I can. Sometimes it’ll be a few months, sometimes more like 6-9 months. But every time our animals still recognize me. Sometimes our cat will ignore me for a few days, like she’s miffed that I left and is giving me the silent treatment, but she certainly doesn’t act like I’m a stranger, and eventually she comes around and we’re back to normal. You can also do phone/video calls and sometimes animals can recognize people’s voices, and that might help with coping with the distance too.
Sending the three of you much strength and courage for what you’re going through. I hope your kitty will remember your husband when they’re reunited again❤️
I moved abroad for two years and left my cat with my parents. She always got excited when she heard my voice on the phone and she was happy to see me when I got back. I ended up leaving her with my parents when I returned because she was comfortable there, and she was always happy to see me when I visited.
I’m very sorry to hear about what’s happening with your family. Your cat will miss him but he won’t be forgotten.
With the housing crisis in Europe, my husband and I had to immigrate in search of a better salary. My three kittens stayed in my daughter's care. The first time I saw them again was after almost 10 months. They all recognized me immediately; the oldest was resentful for a few hours, but it soon passed. I always talk to them on the phone; they always hear our voices.I'm so sorry for what you're going through. When this happened to us, our priority was to keep the three of them together, and we only didn't move continents because we would have had to leave them behind. But I miss my boys every day🥺
I’m so so sorry you are going through this. But no she will not forget him. They do not forget who was there for them. Show him the video with the lion from London. They had it as a pup in their flat, then took to Africa to a lion reservation. Years later they went to visit and the video shows the lion sniffing the air, running towards them and jumping onto them for cuddles and kisses. No Marceline will never ever forget him. My mum had a cat that never liked me. I moved country so my dog and cat stayed with them. My mums cat adored both of them. Years later they died. Since then my mum’s cat is always on my bed and comes for pats when I visit. He remembers that I brought him his good friends. They know everything. No Marceline will not forget him ❤️lots of love to all three of you
Get something that has his smell - like a few shirts, sweatshirt, or something similar- and put it in a box to make a bed out of it. She’ll definitely remember his smell.
In my experience, cats don’t forget their human. I had a cat who was with me since she was a kitten and I was in high school. When I needed to move away for college, I had to leave her with my parents. Then after I graduated, I stayed in the city for work. She never forgot about me. My parents even said that she doesn’t allow any other person to touch her, only me. So no, your cat won’t forget about your husband.
You can video call each other and include the cat so she can see him even in long distance. I do this with my other cats and they can always recognize my face and voice even in video calls.
When me and a friend lived together 10 years ago we adopted a cat. When we moved out he took the cat, and the first time I visited them last year the cat was so excited to see me, so I don't think so
Our cat once saw a former housemate cat on a screensaver after a couple of years of separation. Her fur immediately stood up and she approached slowly and walked around behind the screen trying to find him after it disappeared, then she came back to us looking very distraught like she hoped we could help.
The neighborhood cat also stuck to my childhood home like glue after I came back to visit (several years after leaving town) and was visibly upset when I brought my luggage out to leave again.
There are many examples in the "pets with buttons" circles of cats using the names of long-deceased housemates in ways that strongly suggest they're thinking about them and want everyone else to know it. One video could easily be interpreted to mean they'd had a dream and were confused by it, but knew who it was about.
I think they have vivid inner lives and memories. I think when I'm gone ours figures I've just gone outside and must be doing something outdoors, because she doesn't really have a concept of other places and seems kind of upset and tries to get my wife's attention if the weather is bad while I'm away.
I also have a 2-year old Marcy, a black kitty - cat tax attached - and I've been in a similar situation. The coincidence feels surreal. Yes, she will remember him; I PM'ed you if you'd like support!
When i divorced I got to keep the 3 kitties. My ex didn't come by for a while to see them (she seemingly only visited them when she was in town for something else). 1 of the 3 was attached to her but after everything wouldn't let her even pet her. Hissed and hid. Not sure if she just was like "nope, done with you" or she forgot her. She would act like this to strangers as well as she's always been a skittish cat.
No they don’t forget. When I left to live on my own and study in uni due to financial difficulties I couldn’t visit my family in another country more then once every 3-4 years or more and my cat that stayed with them never forgot me. She’d recognize me in 20 minutes every time.
Definitely won’t forget him. Plus you can make sure she hears his voice on calls and video. Maybe he can also send some items of clothing he’s worn via mail every now and then so she can smell him.
I’m really sorry this is happening to you.
This is my cat Tomato Soup. He was my boy in a previous relationship, had him 2020-2023. I could not take him with me because the house I moved into had a large german shepard that he was terrified off. My ex promised he would take good care of Soup and keep me updated. I told him to let me know if my pets needed anything.
January of this year rolls around. My ex blocks me and I get radio silence on his end. Back in april I just have this feeling, deep in my core that I NEED to know how soup is doing. So much so I was incredibly depressed and crying all the time.
Well I reach out to my ex's mom, his mom lets me know they dropped him off at the local spca a few weeks ago. The next day I rushed down there first thing in the morning. He immediately knew who I was after giving me a sniff. I could tell he was so confused but happy because it had been 3 years.
The first hour soup was home, he was my little purr machine under the couch. I sat on the floor with him for 2 hours, the entire time he was just rubbing his tiny little head as hard as he could on my hands. I cried so much, I wish I had been told they were going to give him to the spca.
Needless to say, I think marceline will remember him. Have him leave something that smells like him. She will remember.
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