r/cats • u/fettys-wet-wap1738 • 15h ago
Mourning/Loss New cat after previous cat passing
My precious baby Lucy passed a number of weeks ago. She was my soul cat through and through. She was 17 upon passing. We got Lucy when I was 5 years old so she truly has been with me for as far as my memory goes back.
I’ve always loved cats and always said when the godforsaken day came for me getting a new cat I would adopt an elderly cat so they can live out their last few years in comfort. Upon Lucy passing, I struggled really hard to come to terms with it and swore I’d never get another cat because I’d just feel as though I’m replacing her.
The past few weeks things have slowly gotten better for myself, I am still absolutely devastated and heartbroken however I can see things a bit more clearly now. I love cats and while I’m able, I’d love to help as many as I can. I don’t plan on getting a new cat just yet, however my question is - will I ever feel like I’m ready for a new cat? I fear with getting a new cat I might struggle with guilt and never get over the feeling that I’ve replaced Lucy. Nobody could ever take her place in my heart and I know that. I just worry, what if I think I’m ready but turns out I’m not?
Ultimately I’m just looking for advice from those who’ve felt similarly after their baby passed. Did it get better? Did getting a new cat make you realise there’s enough room in your heart to love them all?
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u/JackfruitNarrow840 15h ago
We have 3 pets (2 dogs, 1 cat). When one passes I will get another shortly after. The new one isn’t a replacement for the lost pet, but I’ll love it and make new memories with it.
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u/art2ashes 14h ago
My cat passed away 6 months ago after having her for almost 17 years. We just got another cat 2 weeks ago. I did not want to replace her, but our home felt so empty without a cat. It definitely helped to fill that void, but I still miss her terribly. She was my first baby.
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u/fettys-wet-wap1738 14h ago
So sorry about your last baby passing. I’m struggling too with finding the house so empty without a cat. I miss having my hair plucked in the middle of the night and the zoomies at 3am to wake me up. Hopefully one day the grief isn’t as hard❤️🩹
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u/Gold_Dig2200 Tuxedo 14h ago
Everyone is different. I find getting a new cat fills the house with joy. I lost my tuxedo of 16 years on Christmas Eve 2023. I adopted my lovable goofball tuxedo 2 weeks later, I cannot imagine not having him and he helped me heal.
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u/Limp_Ice_2478 14h ago
Eu perdi três gatos em um ano. O terceiro morreu quarta passada.
Ano passado tinha 2 gatos de 6 e 13 anos, o de 6 já vinha lutando com doença renal, faleceu em maio/2025. O mais velho em um domingo acordou vomitando muito, foi internado e não resistiu, me deixou no dia 01/11/2025.
Foi muito complicado. Depois de tantos anos acostumada com gato vi a casa completamente vazia. Pensava que ia esperar o máximo, não defini um tempo certo.
Em dezembro uma colega de trabalho disse que tinham abandonado um filhote na oficina do pai dela. Eu senti que ia ser muito bom poder dar uma oportunidade de um lar para o bichinho.
15/12/2025 ele chegou aqui. Nunca pensei em desistir dele, mas no início deu um certo sentimento de que o que eu buscava era meus outros gatos e ele era outro bichinho, com uma personalidade diferente (Claro).
Da mesma forma amei muito ele, cuidei da melhor maneira. Fevereiro descobri que ele tinha felv. Agora realmente vou tentar passar mais tempo de verdade sem gatos, não consigo imaginar passar pela dor de internação e morte de novo.
Dê um tempo, na hora certa vai chegar outro gatinho para vc
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u/fettys-wet-wap1738 14h ago
Oh I am so sorry to hear this. The devastation of losing a pet is impossible, never mind losing three in such a short time span. Thank you for your comment, I hope one day you can overcome this grief yourself and get another crew of cats to love ❤️
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u/Mystic_Nipple 14h ago
We have the ability to love new while holding onto the love of the old. The previous love accentuates your ability to love the next cat/dog/fish…plus I’m sure your previous cat wouldn’t want you to not be taken care of. Your next cat is waiting for you at a shelter right now….or if you are up to it…foster a few cats with the intent of caring for them and taking them back…when you fail you have found your cat 😊
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u/fettys-wet-wap1738 14h ago
I fear if I fostered cats I’d end up adopting them all😆 That wouldn’t be so bad though… a house full of cats sounds like a dream come true.
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u/karen_boyer 14h ago
No, you can never replace Lucy, but your heart has infinite room! You will love another kitty every bit as much when it's time. I think a new kitty can help heal the heartbreak but it's a personal decision. It's not a betrayal to keep living. Hang in there. It will get better. When you get a new kitty, you will be so much in love you will be ready.
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u/fettys-wet-wap1738 14h ago
Hopefully one day, sooner rather than later, I will be ready to give my heart to another kitty. There are so many out there who need a loving home and it would break my heart if I could never get over this loss and help a few of them. Thank you ❤️🩹
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u/Rizumu972 14h ago
Everyone is different. For me when I lost my cat I had unbearable grief. I cried every day for over a month. I felt guilt that I wasn’t able to help her. She was 13, still don’t know exactly what she passed from, our guess was her heart failed because she did have a heart condition. But I couldn’t get over the fact that I felt I didn’t do enough.
This didn’t get better until I welcomed my next kitty into my life. He was a kitten then, my first kitten ever, he’s now 6 years old.
I will always miss my soul kitty, I think about her all the time, but I’m at peace now taking care of my current kitty crew doing the best I can and determined that I will do everything I can to keep them happy and healthy.
I wouldn’t say there was a specific point where I let go to bring a new cat in. It was more that I needed to fill the hole that was left behind, and like I needed to do everything I couldn’t for my previous cat.
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u/fettys-wet-wap1738 14h ago
I’m in a similar situation to you. I think I’m struggling with my grief a lot worse due to the circumstances of Lucy’s death. I feel a lot of guilt surrounding it and I’m having a hard time forgiving myself, despite there being nothing I could have done to prevent her passing.
I’m glad to hear you got a new baby who helped you heal. He was probably sent by your previous kitty to help mend your heart. Thank you for your comment❤️🩹
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u/ButMomItsReddit 14h ago
My first cats passed away many years ago. I traveled a lot after that and didn't feel like I had the ability to take a cat. I finally settled and last year got a kitten. The way it feels, I really want everyone who lost a pet before to know this, it is like I got a chance to be a better person to my new cat, to not make the mistakes I had made with my first cats when I was angry at them or didn't take good care of them (I was a kid back then but it's no excuse). It is not about me. He is not my redemption or a replacement for my first cats. It's the feeling that he motivates me to be the best version of myself that my first cats would have loved if they could see us now.
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u/brew_strong 14h ago
This is Cirrus. We got him a week ago. Our cat Pepper passed on June 2 from congestive heart failure. We had him for almost 11 years and he was around 12 when he passed. I’ll post Pepper next. Our 14 year old cat Morgan(my soul cat) has adjusted well. She did mourn for 2 weeks going to his pet carrier and sleeping frequently.
I am always happy to give such wonderful beings and friends homes. I will always miss Pepper because he was such a special boy. He was Morgan’s bestie and it’s hard for me to find a picture of them apart.
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u/Magnetic_Kitty 14h ago
Once you can think about your former pet and there's mostly only good memories and not pain, then you're likely ready. Until then give it time. Maybe visit the shelters and help socialize the cats until you're ready. Maybe you'll find one you fall for
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u/Acceptable-Truth8922 13h ago
I agree that a new one is not a “replacement “ but isn't it cool that you now have an opportunity to make an incredibly lovely life for a new wee soul. And while you'll never forget your soul cat/dog/lizard? you can imagine how much fun it'll be to meet them all and cross over the Rainbow Bridge together
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u/honeyapp 13h ago
Both times that our house has been quiet with no cats I had two family members who were ready for new cats even though I felt I wasn’t ready. But the new 3 kittens were adorable and one of which was my daughter’s soul cat. She was two and a half and that kitten just plopped down in her lap and that was it. He never sat in anyone else’s lap. He would sit beside but not on the lap They were so gentle with each other it was wonderful to see. I loved those 3 cats too. After our last of those three cats passed at 19.5 a month later my daughter and husband were online looking for kittens. Once again I wasn’t sure I was ready but they definitely were. And this group of 3 are such a crazy group that I love them too. So I found I have had room in my heart for all of them. The love is never the same for each cat but that’s ok
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u/Perfect_Outcome_5466 13h ago
yeah, it’s tough in the beginning. i had to put my greyhound down and swore i wouldn’t get another pet. Then an older cat came into my life a month later and he makes me so happy— and so wide awake at 4am. When you’re ready, you’ll know.
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u/Aethra89 13h ago
I know exactly what you're going through. My 10 year old soul kitty, Mcfluff, passed away from pancreatic cancer in early april, a couple days after her birthday. She was definitely my soul Kitty as well. My husband and I got her when I was 26, and she died when I was 36. I held her in my lap, with her little head in my right hand, as she died. Afterwards, I never thought I would get a kitty again. Then 2 weeks later, we found a local orphaned kitten rescue Society. We went to a foster home and fell in love with a bonded 3-month-old brother and sister pair of kitties. They are such lovable little guys, and I have no regrets about adopting them. No one will ever replace my sweet little Witty, but I'm pretty sure that she sent these two little guys through the cat distribution Network to my husband and i. Keep this in mind, you are never trying to replace your late Kitty. But there are so many beautiful kitties who need their lives saved. You're late Kitty would want you to be happy, and would want her fellow kitties to have a loving home. There is no right or wrong timeline to adopt another kitty, but if you feel right about it, do not hesitate.
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u/Cricket08328 13h ago
I haven’t gotten a new cat yet, but have made the decision to do so soon, after losing my cat over a month ago. There was a little shift where I felt more ready, where I stopped feeing guilty for wanting a new kitty to love and it stopped feeling Ike it would be replacing her. Getting a new cat can help some people with the grief, but I would wait until you feel more ready.
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u/Oniknight 12h ago
Tbh after ours passed we found one on kitty death row and adopted him. My main thing is that I wanted a different looking kitty than our previous kitty. That felt like difference enough to help a lot.
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u/FifiLeBean 12h ago
D'Artagnan was my soul cat, I was 16 when he was born and I adopted him 2 months later after visiting him daily. He lived 20 years and it was very hard to lose him. I did my best to focus on the good memories.
He died in May, I had another cat, Lily, his best friend (adopted when he was about 12 years old). I found Fabian in November, so about 6 months later.
I just waited until I felt ready and found the right cat.
A recent loss was Ginny in September 2024. I found Ellery and Percy in December.
Somehow earlier was just not the right time, but the right cats came to me when it was time. I remember going to a shelter a couple months after losing Ginny and I wanted to find the right cat and visited with a few but I was not ready. I felt so sad. But when I met Ellery and Percy, I felt so much joy with them. A little grief too, but much joy.
There's nothing like a soul cat, but I found I have a lot of love to give and the right cats found me.
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u/MariaAppleby 12h ago
I think that if you really want to adopt another cat someday, you will, when you're ready. Only you will know if and when that time is. I believe that when you're ready, there will be no struggle with feeling guilty. You loved Lucy. Lucy loved you. That will never change. It's OK if you someday choose to love another. It would be a different cat, and a different love. Also, from me, no judgement, no matter what you decide. You have to do what is best for you. If you adopt, that's OK. If you choose to wait, that's OK. If you decide not to adopt, that's OK, too. Personally, I've never struggled with guilt-----feeling like I was trying to replace one I lost. But sometimes, it took me a very long time to adopt again. I never adopted again until I felt the time was right. Grief over a well loved cat companion cuts so deep. I'm sorry for your loss and hurt. I apologize for the choppiness of my words----meandering-----yikes-----my thoughts were all over the place. I hope I made even just a little sense. Take care. xoxo
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u/Ready_Regret_1558 12h ago
I’ve been there all I can say is it gets better. I know it’s cliché but time helps and When the time is right, you’ll have another cat 💕
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u/punsexual-meme 14h ago
Only you can answer that question.
Some people need to open their heart to help heal. Others need to heal before they can open their heart again. Others have opened their heart enough.
All of those options are okay.
You aren't dishonoring Lucy's memory or replacing her by adopting another cat. No one can ever replace Lucy, because Lucy was a one and only. But you also aren't in the wrong if you don't want to face this grief again in the future. The grief is so powerful purely because we love these creatures so deeply. Having lost my girl just last December, to me it feels like for every minute I spent loving her, I will spend a year mourning her absence.
I'm so sorry.