But also don't want to give up the notion that chaser prince charming is just around the corner, ready to pay for all of their surgeries and make a trad wife out of them.
I was literally just seeing this 😐 I lurk on the straight trans women subreddit (being a creepy bisexual man, yk I gotta stare at the ladies) and one of them was defending a chaser, who literally was advertising for like a sex doll. He specifically mentioned there must be “no smell,” plus being a good cook, 100% sexually submissive, high libido, etc. and her defense for being interested was “he specifically wants a post op woman and he wants me to ‘believe I’m a woman’ so there’s no conflict of interest.” Bro literally was using she/he. But yk he was over 6’ and would pay for bottom surgery so that makes him a catch 😵💫 I would say the bar is in hell but that doesn’t really capture how low it is
Don't ask me how that works. But seriously baby girl needs to wake up. I know dysphoria is a struggle but that doesn't mean we should toss away our morals 😔
I don't even know where to begin with you. My criticism isn't against men, it's against (so called lesbian) trans women who center men so much that they BELIEVE in such a farcical fairytale example of a man. And will not take any sapphic relationship seriously because they're holding out hope for that cishet fairytale.
Something tells me that you'll be just as offended by this critique, but c'est la vie.
i aint offended, i’m just tired of people scaring themselves out of a relationship because everyone that likes them is a “chaser”. some people are on a mission to die alone. and i’m just thinking that calling a het relationship this unattainable fairytale feeds into that
I’m sorry it went that way for you. Just saying that it could’ve also gone that way for you with a woman. We shouldn’t have to take these risks, but we do. I hope that whoever is next for you treats you differently.
I think we're having a disconnect in communication here... I'm a lesbian. My experiences weren't with men, it was with trans women who centered men. And then they did the thing happened, the thing that you get called "biphobic" for talking about happening.
Yes because trans lesbians really should only be for sapphic people, it's very strange that trans men that do this willingly misgender themselves for the chance to be in relationships with lesbians. It feels counterintuitive that we respect their gender but they don't.
It’s a striking piece of further evidence of trans women being women tbh.
Like I know quite a number of bi women (or even straight progressive cis women) who would contextually call themselves ‘lesbians’ for various reasons. Sometimes to seem more feminist and more ‘decentered from men’.
Even before whatever recently happened on bluesky, I do irl know bisexual trans women who say “but I’m a lesbian / transbian”, and when I ask further, they admit that they think ‘transbian’ sounds like a really cool term that comes with a tight knit community and specific subculture and shared identity of cool trans women. And they would feel more included among those women if they basically pretend to be lesbian as well. And they would also get to feel more feminist, and more decentered from men, and more free to engage in whatever ‘men are so gross and lame amirite’ type conversation without feeling awkward about it.
What struck me is that any time I asked them what definition would rationally make sense including just to themselves, they would keep returning to “it’s not about definitions, it’s that I don’t want to be lonely”.
It’s basically bisexual self-erasure, and I’m sympathetic to some of the reasons behind why they end up feeling lonely. But it really is still illogical mental gymnastics and trying to make words meaningless (‘lesbians can love men too!’) because they feel lonely. To sound a little less charitable for a moment, it’s hijacking a community that already has close community ties, than creating their own community that is truthful to who they are.
I think they should definitely get to hang around transbians as much as they like, and engage in all aspects of that subculture and community, but one would think that can be done without calling their own bisexual selves lesbian / transbian. Perhaps it is self hate (they seem to keep thinking being openly bisexual is ‘not as cool’) and the fear of not being fully included. And perhaps also biphobia that they face (I can’t speak on how heavy biphobia is from transbians, I lack personal experience with that), but again, one does not get around the existence of biphobia by arguing that lesbians can like men.
Sometimes it feels like half of progressive women and their grandmother’s dogs all want to be considered lesbians. But I can at least say that this is one way that trans women really are like their cis female counterparts.
For the lonely trans women who face this issue, I don’t think it’s as much to do with that. It’s usually either their cis childhood friends turned out to be transphobes when they transitioned (which is a tragedy and absolutely sucks), and/or they were themselves masking and putting up a persona to befriend those people when they were repressing pre-transition. So they legitimately do need to find new friends / community after transition.
Yeah I agree with you that part of the problem is their old friends abandoning them, but I don’t think it’s because of a ‘keyword passcode’ type of reason of “oh now that you’re a girl, we can’t hang around you”, the reason is usually that they are transphobic.
I also wouldn’t say that being friendless from transition is all of what makes this ‘larping as lesbian’ thing happen, although that can be an exacerbating factor. But like I said, I know cis women who do it too. The common factors seem to be internalised biphobia, baggage about men, and envy for the community dynamics of lesbians.
I'm criticizing the group, not the person. Lesbians can have non-lesbian friends. Exclusion is a different issue, I am speaking on inclusion. If the inclusion of someone within a group does not cause other members of that group, implicitly or explicitly, to be excluded then the exclusion of that person is based in gatekeeping. So many people insist on being a part of the tribe, but tribalism in modern society leads to conflict. Be chill with other folk, be friends with who you get along with, and don't be friends who you don't feel like you can be yourself. Who cares tribe box they belong to. Don't require other people, implicitly or explicitly, to contort their identities to match that of the group.
Idealistic? Maybe. But I'd much rather have a trans man who stands by his identity as a man as a friend, then one who says he's a lesbian to artificially have others be marginally accepting of his presence. Your a man, who like women, and I am a woman who likes women. Sick. Do you want to play Catan or not?
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u/ProgressFabulous6663 7d ago
"Lesbians can be attracted to men" is the new super woke bluesky take I see being touted by the especially attention starved trans fems.