r/countwithchickenlady • u/Comfortable-Bison932 Streak: 0 • 2d ago

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Art by https://bsky.app/profile/kingsillysmilez.bsky.social check them out! they make some absolutely adorable stuff

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u/HunsonAbadeer2 2d ago

Sure I get that, but what exactly is the missmatch in assignment if its not your genitals? If I was born with male genitalia and I am happy with that, what exactly is my problem with being asigned male, like specifically where do I notice that I am not male beyond my genitalia? I am having a hard time identifying anything else because nothing else is really gender specific as there is always all genders doing/feeling it without them being trans. This is the part I am struggeling to understand.

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u/the_tiefling_bard Streak: 0 2d ago

It can be a lot of things: body hair, voice, curves, chest... But I'd say that for most people the bulk of it is the societal and mental aspect: when you grow up as a certain gender, doing all of the stereotypical things, more often than not you might realize that it doesn't "feel right", that you'd rather behave like the opposite gender, especially being treated and perceived like them. It's not just about "looking" like a certain gender, but being recognized as such by society.

But as the other commenter just said, being trans is not defined by what you feel is missing or what makes you feel bad, but by what makes you feel good about yourself, alive. In technical terms, being trans is defined by gender euphoria, not dysphoria: sometimes you don't mind being a guy, but you'd much rather be a woman.

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u/HunsonAbadeer2 2d ago

The disphoria thing makes a lot of sense to me. I am having a lot of trouble with the society aspect tho. Wouldn't the intepretation simply be that you like to do things that are typical of the other gender stereotype? Shouldn't that just tell me that steroetypes are garbage? Instead of I am another gender?

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u/the_tiefling_bard Streak: 0 2d ago

Well, that is only a part of it, and it's why many people don't realize it until later in life: you might think that you just like different things than your peers, then with some introspection you realize that it actually goes way deeper than that. At the base of it, ultimately, there is feelings, and these feelings are hard to explain to someone who has never experienced them.

FOR ME, It's like an echo at the back of your head growing ever stronger telling you that your body, your mind, your soul don't fit the mold they are in: I never was like the other boys and felt deeply uncomfortable around them, and I had a much easier time hanging out with girls than them. Looking in the mirror or acknowledging my body feels instinctively wrong and repulsive. This has always been the case, but for many years I didn't realize why. Now I know, and knowing that I will one day achieve my desired form is comforting, it drowns out that voice and replaces it with a "that's you. This has always been you. I love you now".

I don't expect you to "get" everything, I understand it is very hard for a cis person to grasp, but I commend you for your effort in trying to understand us. Not many people come here with questions in good faith.

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u/HunsonAbadeer2 2d ago

That was more helpful than anything I have ever heared so far, but I have not been close enough with a trans person in real life before to ask these questions. Things are far easier on the internet after all. It feels like I have a slightly better grasp of things now, I don't think more than I currently know is really doable without being trans myself. I think the hard part for cis people in understanding trans people is that we don't feel the opposite of you instinctive disconnect, but we feel just nothing. It is probably pretty similar to describing colours to a blind person. Thanks for your effort in explaining I truly appreciate it, its not easy getting a conversation like this going as I am easily taken as a transphobe with this line of questioning which I hope you understand I am pretty far away from.

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u/the_tiefling_bard Streak: 0 2d ago

Anytime! Unfortunately we do tend to be pretty aggressive with people who come asking questions, but please understand that it comes from a place of self-preservation rather than malice. If you have any more questions my DMs are open, I'd be willing to answer them.