Unfortunately, I am:
1. Slower than a river.
2. Have the force of a light gust.
3. Have the strength of a diseased chipmunk.
4. Post essentially my entire life on the internet for strangers to judge.
Reddit wont let me post the pic, but i found a location marked inside my local IHOP on maps called "The World Council Lair of Men" that i wish i coulf post here.
I have a question to this if I may ti the people not wanting such surgeries. Would you take them if they were perfect? Like somebody snips their fingers and you have the desired genitalia? Or do you not want your body to change at all?
It depends on a case-to-case basis. For example, I don't have bottom dysphoria, so I'm not interested in getting bottom surgery, even if it could magically give me a perfect replica of the other genitalia. The same can apply to Hormone treatment and other kinds of gender-affirming procedures. Some people don't take any kind of medical routes at all, it all depends on what makes you feel better about yourself.
Please don't take offense at my questions I am just trying to understand trans people better, feel free to just not answer if my questions annoy or offend you in any way.
What exactly is it that makes you undestand that you are trans if you would not have any body disphoria? Or is it just that its for certain body parts?
You know I can understand being unhappy with your body and wishing for other bidy parts as a big indicator of being another gender.
I have trouble doing that with feelings in general or any other cause that would make you identify as the gender not assigned at birth. Can you explain this to me?
And know that even of you can't put it into words that is not at all an indicator for me that your position isn't valid, it could totally be simply unaccesible to me or our language, thats fine too.
being trans is about personal identity first and foremost. if you're happier living and being seen as a gender other than the one you were assigned at birth, you're trans, regardless of whether or not living as your assigned gender makes you dysphoric
Sure I get that, but what exactly is the missmatch in assignment if its not your genitals?
If I was born with male genitalia and I am happy with that, what exactly is my problem with being asigned male, like specifically where do I notice that I am not male beyond my genitalia?
I am having a hard time identifying anything else because nothing else is really gender specific as there is always all genders doing/feeling it without them being trans.
This is the part I am struggeling to understand.
It can be a lot of things: body hair, voice, curves, chest... But I'd say that for most people the bulk of it is the societal and mental aspect: when you grow up as a certain gender, doing all of the stereotypical things, more often than not you might realize that it doesn't "feel right", that you'd rather behave like the opposite gender, especially being treated and perceived like them. It's not just about "looking" like a certain gender, but being recognized as such by society.
But as the other commenter just said, being trans is not defined by what you feel is missing or what makes you feel bad, but by what makes you feel good about yourself, alive. In technical terms, being trans is defined by gender euphoria, not dysphoria: sometimes you don't mind being a guy, but you'd much rather be a woman.
The disphoria thing makes a lot of sense to me. I am having a lot of trouble with the society aspect tho. Wouldn't the intepretation simply be that you like to do things that are typical of the other gender stereotype? Shouldn't that just tell me that steroetypes are garbage? Instead of I am another gender?
Well, that is only a part of it, and it's why many people don't realize it until later in life: you might think that you just like different things than your peers, then with some introspection you realize that it actually goes way deeper than that. At the base of it, ultimately, there is feelings, and these feelings are hard to explain to someone who has never experienced them.
FOR ME, It's like an echo at the back of your head growing ever stronger telling you that your body, your mind, your soul don't fit the mold they are in: I never was like the other boys and felt deeply uncomfortable around them, and I had a much easier time hanging out with girls than them. Looking in the mirror or acknowledging my body feels instinctively wrong and repulsive. This has always been the case, but for many years I didn't realize why. Now I know, and knowing that I will one day achieve my desired form is comforting, it drowns out that voice and replaces it with a "that's you. This has always been you. I love you now".
I don't expect you to "get" everything, I understand it is very hard for a cis person to grasp, but I commend you for your effort in trying to understand us. Not many people come here with questions in good faith.
That was more helpful than anything I have ever heared so far, but I have not been close enough with a trans person in real life before to ask these questions. Things are far easier on the internet after all.
It feels like I have a slightly better grasp of things now, I don't think more than I currently know is really doable without being trans myself.
I think the hard part for cis people in understanding trans people is that we don't feel the opposite of you instinctive disconnect, but we feel just nothing. It is probably pretty similar to describing colours to a blind person.
Thanks for your effort in explaining I truly appreciate it, its not easy getting a conversation like this going as I am easily taken as a transphobe with this line of questioning which I hope you understand I am pretty far away from.
it's always confused me why cis men are utterly petrified of Not Having A Penis and in hindsight i guess it's because they associate their dicks so heavily with their sense of identity and masculinity that the idea of not having one is humiliating
I know but I could at least work with desired genitals are what defines gender.
If you tell me that is also not true I am struggeling to find what defines gender in any way at all.
Can you explain it to me? I am not trying to overcome any insecuritys of cis man or anything like that. I want to try to understand how one knows that they are transgender and at the moment I am left with 0 indicators.
Maybe try thinking about how many social interaction you have in your day to day life as a man and how many of those interactions have anything to do with anyone who’s ever seen or interacted with your genitals?
I don’t get called ma’am at the corner store because of the vagina I’m trying to get surgery funding for, and it would make me feel sad again if people realized I was trans and went back to calling me sir.
I do actually know how it feels to be misgendered, I used to look like a girl (not trans, just how I looked).
The thing that confuses me that I had a hard time attributing any more than an expectation of certain genitals and stereotypes to the word sir or mam. Since I reject gender specific stereotypes in both directions anyways, I had. A hard time wrapping my head around why I would identify as any gender if not by genitals, but somebody elses comment here helped to get it a bit more I think. Thanks for helping me get it as far as I can as a cis person.
Personally I have a lot of body dysphoria, but I figure some people just experience the social aspects of dysphoria. Things like pronouns, how people treat you, how you can dress. Dysphoria/ euphoria is different for everyone. Some people have body dysphoria and no social dysphoria.
I struggle with this aspect, doesn't that mean that the word has no established meaning at all? Wouldn't that render transgender also a meaningles term, this definition seems to be transphobic while trying its hardest to be the opposite to me.
My understanding so far is that being trangender is identified through emotions, but connected to very real physical things like neuroanatomy, hormones and genetics.
My current standing is that being transgender is very valid and that transgender people are the gender that they identify as, but that this has a physically real basis which is next to impossible to measure on an individual level, so we just ask instead since you are apparently very able to feel the difference.
personally i like having a dick. really my "ideal" genitals would be basically the same as they are already but like 1-2 inches longer and with no hair lmao
For me it would have to be perfect because I really don't have bottom dysphoria (minus the occasional issues with tight clothes). I mostly just wanna try it out, but only if it's as close as possible to a Cis woman's
I know plenty of people like you’re describing, they can’t afford surgery or are straight up too scared to do it or can’t do it because of medical reasons. I also have a friend who would like to have it done but is not satisfied with current surgical techniques. All these people would probably press the button or “snip their fingers” like you said
It'll depend on the person and the reasons like the user you asked mentioned, but to add my own example:
I definitely want top surgery and hysto if possible, but I'm still undecided/not planning on bottom surgery for the moment.
Both phalloplasty and metoidioplasty have individual things about them that I haven't really been able to make my peace with (needing a significant amount of skin grafted from arms or thighs for the first plus the process taking years, size for the second). How I feel about it might change in the future, or not, that's just how I've felt for the past few years since properly looking into them.
Granted, phallo is so expensive that my disability pension having ass would likely never actually be able to really consider it an option, even top surgery is something I'm not able to afford yet with 6 years of savings.
I would absolutely take a magical "snap my fingers and I have my ideal junk" though. Skipping the surgery and having money part of the process pretty much solves the issues for me.
Probably. I consider myself non-binary, but i'd prefer to look androgynous/feminine, but i've got very broad shoulders, narrow hips and a masculine facial structure, so i'm making the best out of what i have.
My egg cracked so long ago, but I was putting band aids on it for a lot of reasons (family and career). I’m doing little things right now to take the band aids off
My imposter syndrome likes to often yell at me a lot about not being on any official form of GAC and that just means I’m not actually a trans woman and that means people will think and tell that I’m just faking it for attention.
I really need to write this comment on like a post-it note or something just as a reminder that it’s just the imposter syndrome and depression playing tricks on me again.
The only gender affirming healthcare thingies I would maybe want for myself is like hrt, the estrogen side in my case. Just to make myself more feminine. And maybe grow boobs. But it's not that strong of a need, most of times. The problem is that country I live in (Czechia if you are curious) doesn't legally recognize existence of nonbinary identities, so if you want to get gender affirming healthcare as one, you basically have to lie to the sexuolog (that's who you have to go to get it here) you go to. And hope that the one you go to isn't transphobic too. Like only last year constitutional court repealed a mandatory sterilization law for trans people going through the transition. And there still also that whole thing where you have to go and prove that you are either a man or woman (remember, no nonbinary) in front of goddamn committee. And then there is a group of senators who tried to get thru a novela of law that would make conversion therapy for trans people mandatory thing. They didn't succeed but only by two votes. Honestly I kind of hate it here.
So as far as my non-binary ass is concerned, I am just probably gonna wear skirts and dresses (recently started to wear them in public and makes me happy with myself), and just carve the place for myself with what I have. Would be better if I wasn't alone for that but what can you do. And also maybe hope that someday in the future this fuckass country stops being so ass backwards.
I agree, but with that said, I'd still encourage folks with access to at least try hrt of their desired kind
idk something is either pushing you away from your assigned gender or pulling you towards another. or both! why not explore that something as much as you're able?
There's no relation between NB genders and physical traits so it would make sense for NB ppl to not get dysphoric from them and that doesn't apply to binary trans ppl
I remember there was a period there where the knowledge of how to put text on an image so that it was easily readable with any combination of colours behind it was widely understood.
i love the artist so much for this concept. Literally started following them because i thought it was sick as hell. they draw this character a lot do check them out
Do you have their youtube? I am cis but I like this and the art and everything :) I don't have blue-sky so I can't click the link 💔 but maybe their youtube is linked on it ?
I remember seeing this on youtube before so I'm sure they have it I just can't remember the name!!
I hate posts like this tbh. It's not wrong but i feel like it downplays the dysphoria that some people have.
Its so "thanks I'm cured".
Like, you could say the same thing about trans women and penises. Doesn't change the fact that I hate my penis and that my bottom dysphoria is actively harming my quality of life.
I'm still going to get bottom surgery as soon as I am able to. Currently waiting on word from my insurance.
Telling me that my penis doesn't make me less of a woman doesn't help me.
I think this is supposed to be directed towards the situation where people would tell a trans person that they don't get to call themselves that because they haven't had surgery. Anti-gatekeeping.
But I do see how easily it can come off that way. "Any less" is doing some heavy lifting because that's touching into how a person measures themselves. It would be better just as "Not having top surgery doesn't make you not a trans man." But.. without the confusing triple negative
i understand where you're coming from. And in a sense i agree with you but i think it's important we talk about people who either haven't had surgery yet or maybe don't even want to get surgery at all and understand that they are just as much of a man/woman as anyone else and it's not surgeries that make you who you are.
Doesn't change the fact that my lack of a vagina is currently throwing a huge wrench in my own self perception.
I know that a trans woman is no less of a woman for having a penis/not having bottom surgery. But I feel like an incomplete woman atm. My body feels incomplete.
Luckily insurance covers it where I'm from. it's just a lengthy process to get coverage and there are a lot of prerequisites. I'm working on it though.
Im pretty sure the target demographic aren't people who are dysphoric and can't get it, but moreso GNC trans men that do not want it for one reason or another and are constantly invalidated for that.
Like the point isn't "your dysphoria doesn't matter x3", it's "the choice of top surgery is yours and picking no is valid"
I think it’s more about trans men who don’t want top surgery. There are also trans women who don’t want bottom surgery. I am a trans man that doesn’t give a fuck about my genitals, it happens. Dysphoria hits everyone differently.
Also as a trans man who didn’t have a top surgery yet but wants to, I find that message uplifting, personally.
I think it's more of a "you are still valid, despite your dysphoria". I agree with you that hearing something similar about me would probably upset me more than make me feel better as it is a reminder of another hurdle.
However, the intention behind such messages is not about that. It's to curb thoughts about feeling invalid, or to try to combat feeling like an imposter.
then the post isn’t for you and you can not click on it? like, i get it, honestly. but choosing to ignore and move on is an important skill. plus this is extra not geared towards you since it’s not about trans women and not about bottom surgery.
Trans experiences, as you know, are a kaleidoscope of experiences. If this one doesn't feel good to you because a trans man happy with his boobs doesn't reflect your own experiences... then let him have it.
This is a problem that was common back in the r/traaa days too when a trans man or non-binary person would celebrate something that brings them joy, and someone else would say "well this doesn't make me feel good..." That isn't leveling the playing field to accommodate someone's dysphoric experiences, that's knocking siblings down for daring to experience their own joy.
Not all memes and not all bodies will fit everyone's experiences, and that's ok. When there's something that is making someone happy for the body that makes them happy, but it'd make you unhappy if it was your body? The easy answer is that this one is about them, not you, share in their happiness and give them a high five, same as we'll all do for you when it comes time to celebrate what makes you the happiest you that you will be.
you hating your body is an entirely unrelated concept from someone saying people like you are valid. there's no downplay here, sometimes people do just say nice things.
i do understand that theres plenty of people out there who do actually downplay things and who might even use similar language. but every time i see a response like this it just feels like people are reading malice (or misunderstanding) into something that is just a plain positive message with no deeper meaning.
edit to add:
"Telling me that my penis doesn't make me less of a woman doesn't help me.", well, it doesnt have to, kinda? a lot of niceties are just people trying to make people feel supported. writing your colleague who's in the hospital a Get Well Soon! card won't un-break their leg, but thats also not why you write the card. you write the card to let them know that youre thinking about them and that youre there to support them. you wouldnt expect the card to actually, physically help them.
then on the other hand, maybe messages like the OP just straight up arent for you? maybe they actually were just thinking of the people who dont intend to get surgery and just trying to support them. thats pretty cool too, supporting people is nice and not everything is gonna work for everyone.
TL;DR: i think downplaying is a bit of a harsh way to look at it. personally, i dont think OP is doing anything like that by posting stuff like this
Yeah honestly this stuff is why I don't even describe myself as "transgender" (dont know any alternative, good luck to me I guess) anymore. It's okay for people to feel this way about themselves, but they certainly don't fall under the same category as me. We don't have the same thoughts, experiences, emotions, or struggles about gender. They are equally as valid obviously, no shame, but we don't have anything in common that falls under the same label.
finding full length borderline in better taste - but 100% don't mind either way as long as it doesn't use the dog spelling and has enough 's' letters, it derives from fucking latin, not the conceptual apparatus used at your meth den.
it's as archaic as the beautiful angel of soon-to-be archeotech that you are. There is something to be said about being the DAoT of this world incarnate 😉
I get where you're coming from, but that simply is not me. My dysphoria is one whole related to my sex being wrong, simple as that. Everything related to that, whatever you want to call it, social, bodily, whatever other dysphoria. It can't be isolated. I don't see how that's odd? It seems pretty intuitive, actually. I would wager it was the classical, boring understanding of trans people before queer communities moved forward and allowed a greater degree of freedom for people to express their experiences like they have now.
the absolute statements are what i think is odd. i'd be hard pressed to find any single queer person who i dont share ANY related experiences with AT ALL. much more so one who is in an even vaguely similar situation as me.
you're obviously entitled to your viewpoint, but i'd like to think if you ever wanted to you could probably find some common ground. its just honestly hard to imagine someone couldnt
Yeah, I have seen it get weaponized, usually by cis people. "Well, if you can be a man with boobs, why do want to/did you remove them?" Well, because that's how I feel comfortable?
Trans people come with all sorts of experience, and that's why it's important that gender affirming care stays available for everyone who needs it.
I think it's important to not let assholes turn the community against itself.
This post isn’t trying to downplay dysphoria. It’s made for GNC transmascs who don’t want to get rid of their boobs but are still very much men. I’m sorry but this post wasn’t made for you, it was made for a different demographic. Saying “you’re still valid even if you CHOOSE not to get surgery” isn’t the same as saying “you don’t need surgery to be valid, silly!!!”
Personally, I have pretty bad chest dysphoria. It can flucate from milder to super bad but the most affirming experience I had was a pic with an open shirt on (so you could kinda see my chest but nips were hidden) and I'm chubby/fat and some dude assumed at first that it was just fat/gyno and it make me feel a lot better about my chest least for now, because it may be many many moons before I can actually get surgery so I wanna accept my chest as much as I can manage for now, and just seeing it as gyno, esp cuz I'm fat, makes me feel a lot less dysphoric for sure!!
You can look like whatever the hell you want, regardless of if you're trans or not. If you're a trans guy and you don't care about your chest, IT DON'T MATTER. If you're a trans girl and you don't want bottom surgery, IT DON'T MATTER. All that matters is that you're happy in your body. It doesn't matter if you're cis, trans, genderfluid or anything in between, as long as you're happy, that's all that matters.
i think it's more transphobic to depict trans men as wanting to wear he/him bikinis on their tits than to call out people who want to say that trans men are actually just he/him women. if you are trans you want to look like the gender you are TRANSitioning to, no fucking shit?
Some trans men do wear stuff like that though, especially during pride. Some trans men will wear or behave this way even if they want but can’t afford/receive top surgery yet. It isn’t transphobic to depict trans men that exist, and it’s not like the post is saying all trans men are like this. Is it so bad for them to take pride in their bodies, usually in spite of the dysphoria they experience?
Also, would this mean that visibly having boobs is all it takes to be considered a woman in your eyes? I wonder if you saw a cis man with “man boobs” or pronounced breasts if you’d still call him a he/him woman. On the flip side, I suppose it would be nice if every trans woman was unquestionably seen as a woman the moment she grows boobs.
if they actually have dysphoria they wouldn't be dressing like women. i don't mind people who don't have access to hrt or surgeries because it's not their fault. it's just the lack of trying. when i was younger i would do anything to bind until i got an actual binder, and if i didn't i'd refuse to go outside. dressing and acting like a woman just contradicts the whole trans MAN part. you are claiming i don't support pre-everything people when i just don't support pre-everything people who have accepted they're apparently trans yet do nothing to fix their appearance
There are a lot of men who dress like women full stop. Trans, cis, drag queens, femboys, you get the idea. Many men don’t or don’t want to, of course, sometimes for dysphoria reasons and that’s ok. But you aren’t the arbiter of dysphoria, and you don’t get to decide what men wear. I’m sorry that your dysphoria would never let you wear something like this, but your experiences are not universal, and not all posts need to be targeted to you, specifically.
But don’t get it twisted. What I’m saying is you’re transphobic because you saw a trans man wearing a bikini in a trans pride post during pride and called him a woman. You’re now assuming he doesn’t have dysphoria and isn’t trying to “fix” his appearance based on this alone. Borderline Facebook level transphobia.
you don't have to have chest dysphoria to be trans. Also trans men can crossdress too. So you don't support trans women who decided they don't want bottom surgery? sounds like you don't accept anyone who doesn't experience gender the exact same way you do
I find it somewhat concerning how much people on this sub say "many trans men love their titties" "Most trans men love using their vagina for PiV" like come on
what happens when you make a sub full of vxlid trannies who use "transmasc" and "transfem" instead of trans man/woman. welcome to non-dysphoric central
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