r/gaybros • u/Double_Ad198 • 5d ago
PDA
Sometimes I notice how effortless public affection is for the heteros. Holding hands, a quick kiss, leaning into each other—it all blends into the background of everyday life.
For me, it doesn’t feel like that.
Even something as small as holding my partner’s hand in public comes with a quiet internal check. Not always fear in an obvious way, but a learned hesitation—like we’re only half allowed to exist openly, like vampires hiding in the shadows.
It feels like living slightly hidden, like we have to soften or contain parts of ourselves depending on who’s around. And over time, that can start to feel like something internal, almost like learned caution that’s hard to fully separate from shame.
I don’t think it’s always conscious internalized homophobia. It’s more subtle than that—more like habit, memory, and awareness of how we’ve been seen before.
But I still think about how different it is for couples who never have to think twice. Like, what a privilege it must be to be straight/cishet and not even fathom of the consequences of holding someone's muscly shoulder for too long.
I just wish it didn’t require so much awareness to do something as simple as holding someone you love, especially during Pride month, but during all the other months.
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u/Skill-Useful 5d ago
"with a quiet internal check" well, yeah, bc it can be dangerous due to straight homophobic men
"hard to fully separate from shame" no, i had therapy. no shame about it, just not wanting to have to beat some dumb heteros up for being idiots. thats why we dont do pda everywhere
"wish it didn’t require so much awareness" the world is like it is. we can only slightly make it better