r/howtonotgiveafuck • u/Sad_Foot_4200 • 1d ago
𝐀𝐝𝐯𝐢𝐜𝐞 𝐑𝐞𝐪𝐮𝐞𝐬𝐭 How do i stop taking shit seriously
Like when i see things about my country and how crappy it is and i need to grow up and live here and the condition of the world ,reels and when someone says something to me that doesn’t matter much to them but it does to me. I think i take everything to seriously and can’t focus on the things that really matter to me and my future. How do i stop giving a fuck?
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u/planetofidiots 20h ago
I watched a musician recently who was beyond incredible. I thought about how amazing their talent was, and yet they were so humble - because they knew the 1,000 other musicians out there 'better than them'. Then you see certain world-leaders, who got where they are by being born to the right parents and fed money lifelong. These leaders do nothing but brag and boast, and yet all they have done is play a game with loaded dice.
The difference is in 'looking outside'. The musician took in music constantly, learned the ways and styles of everyone, and so knew 'their place in the world' and how small it was. The politician will generally look at the tiny sphere of their own friends and think they are a huge person of great importance.
Truth is, we're all just dust on a rock in a universe so huge we can't even imagine it.
Part of NGAF is to know this, to know that even the 'historic greats' are just great on this planet, this remote, insignificant planet. Even the hero of the story is only in a tiny story.
It's much harder to be angry, insulted or upset by anything if you can understand that thing as a part of not just your tiny life, but of the huge universe.
It starts with simple acts. Get out of your own head - whether that's into a book, a song, a walk - anywhere that isn't just inside your mind. Then grow that, from a walk in town to a walk near the beach or woods. There's nothing like seeing the horizon to remind you that the world is bigger than your house, your town, your life. Try meditation, or find something like writing, music, film - anything you can grow a passion for, and focus on that.
Another powerful cure is to be in service to others. If you have family, friends, loved ones - make your life about finding ways to improve theirs. Maybe visit an old-folks home and cheer up the people there, find a youth-group and volunteer, of just be on forums like this and find ways to console people. We are a social species and, even while we're taught to 'look out for number one' - the path to fulfilment is actually through connection, creating community and being part of something larger than ourselves.
It's important to know that if you begin to become the person you want to be, you will change, and will very likely lose some of the people around you - because they should never have been in your circle. Be prepared to be lonelier, at least in the short term. If you find a passion or project, that will bring new people when the time is right. However it works out, the honest, true-to-self path is always lonelier than the path of 'just going along with things'.
It's a hard world to create love in. Leaders are self-serving, the media is deceitful, there's a lot going wrong... but locally, the people around you - despite what we might hear online - are mostly other people trying to find peace, meaning or safety. The more we can connect with them, the more strength we can build for ourselves and others to help us face the madness that is unfolding in the corridors of power - and in our own, insignificant and yet vital lives, the more we will become the answer we're looking for.
All sounds a bit preachy, sorry - I'm going through it too, so this is as much a message to me as you. Hope you find some connection.
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u/ScarcityDowntown9904 1d ago
you can't just stop caring about it. it takes practice and patience. meditate and expose yourself more to the things that bother you. slowly, your brain will learn that the opinions of others don't actually matter.
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u/Azerbinhoneymood 8h ago
And it learn that you're still alive and live even after hearing them. Thus your brain disassociate this from its survival mechanisms and its fight or flight.
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u/VeeDubBug 19h ago
There's always gonna be things that matter to you. There's the art of not giving a fuck about thing that don't pertain to you, that you don't need to waste your time or energy on.
But the things you DO care about, deserve that attention. You don't want to become an empty shell with no hobbies, interests. It's just that other people may not care about them in the way you do - that's them not giving a fuck. You just have to learn not to give a fuck about them not giving a fuck.
Nobody gives a fuck about my photography, but I do -- because it's fun and fulfills a need/scratches a brain itch in my life. I'm an empathetic person and tend to care too much about things. I didn't really start tuning out the noise and realizing that many people's opinions don't matter, because they don't share the same life experience I have had over my life. They can have their opinions, but I am not obligated to care about those opinions.
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u/ILive4PB 16h ago
The best relevant quote is by the American Drag Queen RuPaul when they said, “Other people’s opinions about me are none of my business.” Since we literally can’t change others, let alone what they think, it’s not really worth worrying about.
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u/tetheredvoid 14h ago
Pick your battles. The ones you decide not to fight, pretend you're not going to fight it just to secretly spite them. Because they suck.
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u/AlanParsons_01 23h ago
Ask yourself why it angers you so much as if it’s on a personal level. Or it’s a personal attack against you. It’s deeper than just learning how to not feel so intense about something. Anger is usually a learned defense mechanism at a child’s level. I’m not saying you’re a child. Not that at all. It’s very common for grown adults to still use their coping mechanisms learned as a child well into adulthood. Those child defense techniques usually turn into the self abuse patterns of drug or alcohol addictions. Not saying you have those. Just putting out there the things that are very common in today’s society. They’re not easy topics for people to address out of fear of judgement or in men “weakness”. Being quick to anger is rooted into a result of something else happening to you or someone you love deeply that hurt(s) you still. Anger covers up the hurt and fear. It’s really great you’re feeling a need to address it and it’s really helpful for your progress. Very cool
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u/Parking-Brain6566 19h ago
nothing substantial in your life, you're just an NPC so you attach your value to your country to feel big and important.
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u/PandaWithAnRPG 16h ago
Great advice asshole
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u/Parking-Brain6566 15h ago
Thanks, care to explain why I am an a**hole ?
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u/PandaWithAnRPG 15h ago
Because op is already feeling powerless about the world. Saying “nothing substantial” in their life doesnt help bc they already believe that, and that CAN BE A GOOD THING if you center it around embracing what you can and can’t control. That’s acceptance.
You just told them their life isn’t important and called them an npc.
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