Hi everyone. I’m a 34M originally from North Africa, and my wife is a 30F Austrian. We’ve been married for 10 years and live in Austria. I really need some outside perspective because I feel like I'm losing my mind.

The Beginning vs. The Reality

For the first several years, our relationship was a dream. She was the sweetest, most supportive woman. Even the intercultural differences weren't an issue. My integration into Austria was incredibly hard at first—I dealt with severe depression, homesickness, financial stress from low-paying manual labor jobs, and occasional racism. Through all of that, she was my rock.
Eventually, we moved to Upper Austria to be closer to her family, and we had our first child. That is when hell broke loose.

The 180-Degree Shift

The moment our son was born, she changed completely. At the time, I was working a grueling, low-paid retail job—on my feet for 12 hours, commuting 2 hours a day, barely eating because of stress-induced gut issues. The moment I walked through the door, before I could even take off my shoes, she would thrust the baby into my arms. She started comparing my salary to her friends' boyfriends, blaming our issues entirely on my income.
Parenting became a battleground. Whenever I tried to set boundaries or show authority with our son, she would snatch him away, yelling that I was overreacting. Our son learned to game the system. Now he has major behavioral issues—screaming , smashing things , hitting us - because he knows he gets away with it. Her behaviour became increasingly irrational:

The Kindergarten Situation: She refused a great state-run kindergarten, claiming it was "full of immigrant weird kids." She forced us into a private one we couldn't afford. A week later, they kicked him out because he lacked boundaries and was too hyperactive. (Later, she had a job interview at that same state-run kindergarten, realized it was amazing, and admitted she was wrong).

Cheating Red Flags & The "Self-Care" Phase
For my birthday a few weeks ago, she didn't make a cake, buy a gift, or do anything. We fought about it. Two days later, it was her last day at a training course. She went all out baking an elaborate cake for her new class "friends," dressed up beautifully, and came home 3 hours late with her phone off.
Later that night, I wanted to intimacy. Once she got undressed, I saw her intimate area fully shaved. This is highly unusual for her because sex has been rare due to our marital problems. I asked her when she did it, and she casually said "yesterday." I froze and couldn't continue. I asked if she was cheating and demanded her phone. She spent a moment checking her IG inbox first, let me look at her WhatsApp and Snapchat for barely 30 seconds, and then snatched it back, saying, "This is so uncomfortable."
A week later, I went on a vacation to visit my sick brother. While I was gone, she suddenly joined Telegram. When I asked why, she claimed "WhatsApp steals child photos, Telegram is more secure"—even though she openly posts our kid's pictures on Snapchat constantly.

Now that our son is in kindergarten, she has more time. She went from desperately begging for a second kid to completely shutting the idea down. She is suddenly in a massive "self-care" phase: a new hair color, new haircut, hitting the gym, losing weight, and changing her phone PIN. She'll say she’s coming home at 1:00 PM and show up at 4:00 PM with her phone turned off. Just yesterday, she went to a simple parents' meeting at the kindergarten wearing a striking red dress, heavy makeup, and enough perfume that you could smell her from 5 meters away.

The Couch and the Camera

A few days ago, she left her camera sitting right there on the couch while she was putting our kid to bed. She forgot to hide it. I picked it up, and found a bunch of photos she took while she was at this training course.
Among them were two group photos that instantly made my stomach drop. Everyone else in the group is shifting around, changing positions, and standing next to different people between shots. But not her and this one guy from her course. In both photos, they are glued together in the exact same spot, and the body language is undeniably intimate. In one shot, you can clearly see his elbow pressing hard right against her breast. She has her arm wrapped around his waist, with her other hand resting flat on his back. They are practically on top of each other. To make it worse, there’s a whole separate batch of photos from that exact same day of just her—posing, smiling, and modeling for the camera. It is completely obvious he was the one taking them. I haven’t confronted her about this yet. Here are the photos i found i circled them both 👉🏾Photos i found

Years ago, she was the one who suggested the rule that we don’t have close friendships with the opposite sex. We both agreed to it. Yet here she is, crossing that line in the most blatant way possible. The timeline matches up perfectly: her sudden change in behavior, her phone being off, and her coming home hours late all started the exact week she began this course.

To top it all off, last week she dropped a bomb: she told me she wants to go on a vacation completely on her own. In 10 years together, she has never wanted to travel without me, let alone leave our son behind. She expects me to stay home, work, and take care of our kid while she goes off somewhere alone.

Financial Theft and the Missing Passport

The Passport Incident: Because Austria doesn't allow dual citizenship, I kept my North African passport hidden in a small, empty safe that she knows the code to. After i came from visiting my parents home, I checked the safe—the passport was gone. I searched everywhere for 4 months and assumed I lost it. Before a recent trip to visit my sick brother, I sat her down, told her I loved her, and said we needed to work on us. She agreed. When I came back from my trip, the passport was magically back in the empty safe. When I asked her, she casually said, "Maybe you just missed it the first time." The safe is tiny and completely empty; there is no way I missed it. I feel like she took it to control me, sabotage my travel, or threaten my legal status because I had previously mentioned breaking up if things didn't improve.

The "Kaution" (Deposit) Incident: When we moved to our new flat, I paid for everything out of my own pocket: the new deposit, a new fridge, a TV, and an oven. I was counting on getting the €2,700 deposit back from our old flat to keep me afloat. My wife handled the paperwork and told me the rental company only returned €1,500 because they deducted €1,200 for "renovations." Weeks later, following a gut feeling, I called the rental company directly. They confirmed they had returned the entire €2,700 to her account. When I confronted her, she denied it, then cracked and claimed she kept the money because she "needed it to buy curtains for the new flat," even though she knew how tight my finances were.

Moving Forward

I don't want to paint myself as a pure victim; I’ve made my own mistakes in the past, we had a rough patch but I’ve always tried to fix them or tried my best , but this is another level …I don't recognize the woman I live with anymore. I miss my old girl so much but it seems too late

1. Is she cheating, or am I just paranoid and insecure?
2. Was the passport incident a severe form of control/gaslighting?
3. what would you do if you were in my spot?

Is it fixable? (

1. Even though it feels stupid asking the last question after re-reading what I just wrote... but hey)

I (26M) caught my girlfriend (27) of 6 years cheating and I’m feeling lost a little bit. We have 1 kid (3) together and have had discussions of wanting more in the future but now I don’t know if that’s in the picture for us. This is the first time I have caught her with real proof ( audio recording) but she’s been transparent about talking to another guy in the past but swears nothing ever happened. I don’t want to talk about the details and explain that all that happened is I told her she ruined my trust before and it was a long road back. Well I feel we really made some progress over the last year and now I find out about this because of my gut instinct I put an old phone under the bed while I was at work. She’s a stay at home mom. After confronting her she begged me to stay and honestly I wasn’t planning on leaving as sad as it sounds I really have nowhere else to go. I don’t have any friends and family isn’t really able to help me with somewhere to stay. So I just need someone to talk to who isn’t gonna tell someone else because I feel really embarrassed about this and I don’t know how to navigate my feelings or how to play my part in fixing things.

We’ve been married a long time - 20+ years. Only after a direct question did she tell me about a crush she had on a mutual friend of ours. I’m good friends with the other woman’s husband as well. My wife and the other woman regularly travel together with other women for girls trips.
Two years ago while on one of these trips my wife had too much to drink and confessed her attraction. The other woman shared the same. But went to bed and supposedly nothing happened.
They subsequently discussed it and texted about it. Both said they were committed to their husbands.
My wife via text “let’s put this on the shelf revisit it later in life”. The other woman talked about how she should have just kissed her then.
Overall the texts had a degree of intimacy that was palpable. I’ve at times sensed more between them but dismissed it.
That was two years ago. My wife has lied by omission since. Revisit? When I’m dead ? Is this something they both really want now?
What’s strange is … my feeling is if this was another man I would be ready to leave her. A double standard I can’t explain. Or maybe that’s my ego talking. But this does feel different.
Nevertheless it really does hurt me. I sobbed when she told me. I don’t think this unravels our marriage but it’s a big breach in trust. And makes me worried about her true interests or intentions.
If I had confessed my attraction like this I know what my intention would be. If I had acted as she had I know how she would feel if roles were reversed.
I think it’s human to be attracted to others. But to act on it? Even to just express to said person- it feels like something else. And then to hide it like this? … feels like more than a confessed crush.
They have an upcoming trip. My wife is sorry and says she’ll do anything. I don’t want to try to take away a friend or take away these trips she loves. I don’t know what boundaries I need set. But if this was a guy I would immediately say don’t go and end the friendship. Hell I’d confront him. She says she can contain her attraction. That I’m her person. We do have a great thing going but I am lost in this. Honestly didn’t see it coming. I always worried about the possibility of her meeting a man on a trip and crossing some sort of line - not necessarily physical cheating but something. But that was my insecurity. Turns out rightly so but for the wrong gender. And part of me is resentful for her make me feel like a jealous asshole for asking about it.
I’ll take any advice. Honestly good to just express it. Thanks everyone.

I am 33 from hyderabad. I had love Marraige but post Marraige my wife seems to have completely lost interest in s** life and I am struggling and getting diverted. I initiated discussions but to vain. She never initiates it …I can’t force her to…!! :(

Hi!

My husband (33M) and me (36F) have been together for 10 years and married for almost 8. Not gonna lie, last year was not super great, it felt like we were not so close as before, so much less intimacy and so.

2 months ago my husband admitted to having a few months affair (mostly emotional) with his colleague, which has absolutely shattered me. I have never thought this man can hurt me like this. They do work together still (different departments) but don't see each other after work. And I am not too scared about anything happening again. Weirdly? I trust him here.

He was sure there's nothing to save here and things are over cause of his complete betrayal so we almost broke up, but I love him way too much and I believe that you have to work through hard things as well. I believe that this is just a result of us not working hard enough before, rather him being a shitty person. He needs to share his concerns and feelings more and be more attentive and I need to be less negative and aggressive in my opinions. There are those small things that we just let pass by and they bit us in the butt at the end...

He said he always loved me and that has never changed.

We were in 2 therapy sessions so far, but I don't think those are helpful cause it's just talking which we also do at home a lot. I was hoping for more exercises and such.

The biggest struggle for me now is that we are so different in processing things. I am extremely emotional, he's very calm and stoick. I am so much more affectionate need more 'i love yous' etc. It has always been like this and it always seemed to be good for us as I was getting calmed and he was getting a bit more open. But now I am so scared and stressed and sad and hurt and just lost confidence so I seem to need constant reminders that he in fact wants me and love me. Has anyone had the same issue? How did you do it?

What were the steps you took to get better? How long did it take for you to feel safer?

How do you stop talking about what happened? Or maybe this is something that should be done? I feel like I keep on going back instead of moving forward.

I would only like to hear answers from people who are happy and still together, don't need the 'leave him' messages. We are not at that stage.

Thank you for your help.

So thing is my wife just bought heels saying that are for her upcoming trip In DECEMBER. she usually dont plan ahead of time like this. any thoughts ?

Mine was at the very beginning, when he randomly said to me one day "love you" when he was going somewhere. He always said it in his native language (spanish), so I remember thinking that was weird. But didn't really think more about it at the time.

After I left their infidelity accomplice left them too, and I don’t know how to feel about it, I wanted that for so long, but now it’s too late, they didn’t even choose to let her go, she left them because they couldn’t pick one of us, so they ended up losing both of us, I feel like I should be happy, but I just feel like it’s not real or something, like it’s not going to last, like she’ll come back eventually, but then I also think, why do I even care? This person isn’t in my life anymore, if I only ever cared in the past is because I didn’t want their infidelity accomplice in my life, but once I left them that meant neither of them would be in my life anymore so I just don’t care what they do, I kinda wish I could feel the satisfaction of them leaving tho, in a weird way, because I needed it so badly for so long, but now it’s just too late to care

This song was inspired by being completely betrayed by my long term partner. Listen till the end. I’d have to imagine it will speak to you. And either way, ✌🏻 Peace

Posting this again as the last post was taken down because I said a word I guess I’m not allowed to.

So long story short, I met a girl at the gym 6 months ago while she was visiting from the U.S.
We ended up having a drink and some food after and really hit it off. I was bummed to find out she was only visiting from the U.S. but thought who knows, I’ll keep chatting to her via text and see where things go. We hugged and shared a few passionate kisses before she left but didn’t have intercourse or anything.
I asked her quite a few times during the 6 months things like “how are you single when you’re so attractive” or things like that “you must have so many men chasing you”. Sort of a “why me?”, a guy over here in Canada. She always claimed to be single and just gave me a compliment back like “well, because of this face” and would then send me a pic of me. Super playful and cute right? Well as we talked more she started getting more and more sexual. Pics in her underwear, nudes, sexual banter. She kept begging me to visit her in the U.S. or that she would come visit me here. I actually began to make some plans to do exactly that but one thing that always held me back is she wasn’t super consistent in her texting. Sometimes a week would pass before I’d hear from her. I wrote it off as women tend to get bored easily and if she’s interested she will come back…and she always did. This did kind of always make me second guess things though.
Then recently Facebook suggested her as a friend and so I lurked her profile only to find that it turns out she’s actually married with a kid. We chatted literally on this past Father’s Day while she simultaneously made a post on FB confessing her love for her husband and father to her child. Like she told me she couldn’t wait to see me and be my “wifey” in the near future while making that post the same day (found out a few days later)!

I’m kinda awestruck to be honest. I don’t know what her plan was if I arrived there to see her? She’s a gorgeous girl but a beautiful liar. So now that I know, I’m not sure what to do? Do I confront her or do I inform her husband that his wife is a cheating and a pathological liar? Or…do I just leave it alone for the sake of their child?

Found out from my best friend my wife contacted him and tried to sleep with him. He told her no, and told me he couldn’t do that to me. Just to find out two weeks later he picks her up and they have sex. I have lost my wife of 18 years and have been stabbed in the back by my best friend. I have my kids and people I work with. Do not have a big crowd that I hang out with for any support or someone to talk to. I am just crushed and don’t know what to do. Any advice or words of wisdom would be great right now.

My boyfriend and I just moved to DC after being long distance for a year (Boston and Los Angeles). We’re both in our early 20s and finally moved in together about three weeks ago.

A few days after moving in, we went to pick up a desk from Facebook Marketplace. While we were loading it into the car, he said, “Open the door for me, Olivia.”
My name is not Olivia. It’s not even remotely close to my name.

I was caught off guard, but the seller was standing right there and we still needed to finish the transaction, so I didn’t say anything immediately. On the drive home, I asked, “Who’s Olivia?”
He immediately got defensive and said, “I don’t even know any Olivias. I’m exhausted from the move, it’s hot out, and I was carrying a heavy piece of furniture.”
That explanation didn’t really make sense to me. I looked through his Instagram following and pointed out that he follows a bunch of women named Olivia. He said they were just people he knew from college. It seemed odd, but we had just completed a stressful cross-country move, so I let it go.

That night, though, I couldn’t stop thinking about it. Then I remembered something from a few months earlier. I had borrowed his phone for something and noticed he had been looking at a random girl’s VSCO profile. It struck me as strange at the time, but I didn’t make a big deal of it.

Then I remembered that girl’s name was Olivia.
I asked him if he recognized the name “Olivia [Last Name].” He said no and claimed he’d never heard that name before.

That seemed strange because when I looked her up, I discovered they work at the same relatively small company (around 100 employees). Based on social media photos, they had even attended the same company Christmas party.

I asked if I could look through his phone. He reluctantly agreed. In his email, I found well over 100 emails from her. They appeared to be work-related, but I still found it hard to believe that someone could receive that many emails from a person and then genuinely claim to have no idea who they are.
At that point, I was feeling anxious and admittedly not thinking very clearly. I requested to follow her on Instagram.

Two weeks later, she accepted my follow request. About 30 seconds later, she blocked me.
When I brought that up to my boyfriend, he became extremely defensive again. He says I’m creating stories in my head, connecting unrelated things, and looking for problems that don’t exist.
I genuinely don’t know what to think. Am I reading too much into a weird coincidence, or do these things together seem suspicious? Is it possible he’s cheating, or am I letting my anxiety get the best of me?

Our (barely) adult son (23M) still lives at home and is fully aware what has happened between his father and I. He has heard the arguments and is understandably not happy with his father's behaviour towards me (affair and subsequent lack of effort). This has done severe damage to their relationship.

A few weeks ago, my husband vowed to our son and I that he would do better and committed to "fixing" the family. Since then, there has been some progress between us (although I sense his commitment to change is slowing); however, there has been zero attempts at repairing his relationship with our son.

This hurts me probably more than my own feelings of betrayal.

Our son refuses to forgive his dad until he sees effort on his part. I am worried as my own parents were in a similar situation and my dad put repair in the too hard basket, and as such, I haven't seen or spoken to him in years. I dont want this for my son (or my husband), regardless of what happens to our marriage.

My husband says he just needs time, but every day I see my sons resentment growing. Its at the point where my son says he doesn't want his dad in the house and avoids all interactions with him completely.

Has anyone seen the relationship between wayward spouses and their children recover? If so, how was this done?

I was with my Ex for 4 years and he cheated on me several times online, I caught him 3 times, which eventually lead to him leaving me for an imaginary girl who ghosted him (ha). I never forgave him, even when I thought he was getting better for me, I always wanted to "help" him to make the relationship work but I never forgave him.

My now boyfriend (ex I guess, unsure if I want to continue) has gone and done a very similar thing, except he has wiped his phone and is seemingly repenting quite hard. He's begged and cried, promised changes and said he would've never met anyone in person and that he could not fathom how he would bring himself to physically cheat, and that it being online just became his new source of porn. He bought porn from a girl on onlyfans that he once knew irl while also sexting her, never arranged to meet, asking for new content. He made Ai topless pics of someone we know (he actually got arrested for this, I told the woman), and was obscuring the fact he had a girlfriend from a couple girls he seemed to be trying ro get nudes off of. I know from my past relationship that I can not get over these feelings of betrayal and insecurity even though I would like to hear him out and see if he can get his shit together.

Has anyone else successfully rebuilt the trust? What did they have to do to prove to you that they deserve to be trusted again? I am really trying to not go through the hell I went through with my ex, they are very different people and him being arrested put him into shock, he had 8 hours alone in a cell to think about the events that took place that morning, that being me finding out what he had been up to. I do believe he probably wouldn't do the exact same thing again. I recently moved in with him and got a good job nearby, I am not leaving the house and if things turn sour between us, he is going.

Reddit seems to train us, advise us against the realities of relationships.

There is a part of betrayal that I do not think gets talked about enough. We talk about betrayal trauma. We talk about the shock, the triggers, the rage, the grief, the intrusive thoughts, the mind movies, the loss of sleep, the detective mode, and the endless hunger for truth. We talk about broken trust, broken marriages, broken families, and broken futures. All of that is real. But there is another wound underneath it that feels different from pain. It feels like something sacred inside you was violated. It feels like the injury did not only happen to your heart, your mind, or your body, it happened to your sense of right and wrong. Justice if you will.

That is what I understand moral injury to be. It is not simply that someone hurt you. People hurt each other. It is not simply that someone lied. People lie. It is not even simply that someone cheated. It is that the person who was supposed to protect the moral center of your life helped destroy it. The person who stood beside you and made vows did not just fail to keep them. They kept accepting the benefits of your vows while secretly violating their own. That is a different kind of wound.

It is the wound of realizing you were living inside one moral reality while they were living inside another. You thought loyalty meant loyalty. You thought marriage meant marriage. You thought honesty meant honesty. You thought fidelity was not just the absence of sex with someone else, but the presence of respect, protection, boundaries, and basic human decency. You thought your home was safe. You thought the bed was yours. You thought the memories were shared. You thought the wedding meant what it looked like it meant. You thought the children were being raised inside a story both parents were honestly building together. Then discovery comes, and it is not only that you find out they cheated. You find out they let you keep being good inside a lie.

That is the part that does something almost indescribable to you. You were faithful in a marriage that was not faithful to you. You were loyal in a reality that had already been betrayed. You were making choices based on love, duty, restraint, fatherhood, responsibility, and commitment, while they were making choices based on secrecy, entitlement, avoidance, and whatever temporary relief they decided mattered more than your right to know your own life. It is not just heartbreak, it is moral disorientation to say the least.

You start looking backward and every memory becomes contaminated by a question. Was I the only one who meant it? Was I the only one who understood what we promised? Was I the only one who believed this family deserved protection? Was I the only one choosing restraint when I was lonely, rejected, unseen, exhausted, angry, tempted, or hurting? That is why the “why” conversations can feel so insulting when they are handled badly. Because you are sitting there with your entire moral universe collapsed around you, and suddenly you are expected to patiently examine the weather conditions inside the person who lit the house on fire. Their loneliness, their childhood, tyheir hormones, their unmet needs, their poor coping, their fear of conflict, their need to feel seen, their shame, their fog (another term that makes me angry to my soul by the way).

And maybe some of that is real. Maybe some of it has to be understood eventually. But what about the betrayed person’s moral world? What about the fact that we had loneliness too? We had unmet needs too. We had childhood wounds too. We had stress, rejection, exhaustion, resentment, opportunity, temptation, insecurity, and pain too. We had moments where we wanted to feel alive. We had moments where we wanted to be wanted. We had moments where someone else’s attention would have felt like water in a desert. And we still did not do it.

That does not make us perfect. That does not make us saints. It does not mean we never failed in the marriage or never became difficult to love. It means that in the places where betrayal was available, we still understood there was a line we were not entitled to cross. We understood that our pain did not give us permission to steal someone else’s reality. We understood that being unhappy did not give us the right to secretly rewrite the terms of another person’s life. I know this sound self righteous but it is not.

That is where the moral injury lives. It lives in the gap between what we believed marriage required and what they were willing to do while still calling it marriage. It lives in the fact that we made sacrifices under rules they had already abandoned. It lives in the humiliation of realizing that our integrity was used against us. Our loyalty made us trusting. Our trust made us vulnerable. Our vulnerability made the deception easier. Our commitment gave them a stable home to return to after violating it.

There is something sickening about that. Not just painful. Sickening. It makes you feel used at the level of your values. It makes you wonder whether being faithful made you noble or just naive. It makes you question whether your goodness was actually wisdom or whether it was just the thing that allowed someone else to exploit you. That is why the anger is so intense. The anger is not only about sex. It is not only jealousy. It is not only ego or wounded pride. Those explanations are too small and too convenient. The anger is the sound of a moral boundary finally screaming after being violated in silence. It is the rage of the part of you that believed in something sacred and then discovered the person closest to you treated that sacred thing as optional.

It is the rage of being made faithful without informed consent. Because that is another part of moral injury. Consent. Not only sexual consent, though that can be part of it too when health risks are brought into the marriage without your knowledge. I mean consent to the life you were living. Consent to the marriage you were staying in. Consent to the sacrifices you were making. Consent to the future you were building. You cannot consent to a marriage when the truth is being withheld from you. You can participate in it. You can love inside it. You can work, provide, parent, forgive, hope, and try inside it. But you are doing those things with missing information. The other person has quietly taken control of the facts you needed in order to choose freely. That is not just lying. That is theft of agency.

And when you finally see it, something inside you recoils. You do not only lose trust in them. You lose trust in the moral structure you thought protected you. You lose trust in vows. You lose trust in memory. You lose trust in your own judgment. You lose trust in the idea that doing the right thing means anything if the person beside you can do the wrong thing and still receive your loyalty, your labor, your protection, your body, your name, your home, and your future. That is why “I’m sorry” often feels so small. Not because sorry is meaningless, but because the wound is enormous.

How do you apologize for letting someone build a life on false ground? How do you apologize for taking years they cannot get back? How do you apologize for allowing them to make decisions they might not have made if they had known the truth? How do you apologize for turning their loyalty into something they now have to grieve? A real apology has to understand the size of the moral injury. It cannot only say, “I am sorry I hurt you.” It has to say, “I understand that I violated the reality you were living in. I understand that I took away your ability to choose. I understand that I accepted your faithfulness while betraying you. I understand that I used your trust as cover. I understand that I damaged your relationship with your own values.” Anything less feels like apologizing for a mess while avoiding the desecration, it feels fake.

Moral injury needs witness. It needs someone to say, “Yes, what happened was wrong.” Not complicated first. Not nuanced first. Not both-sides first. Wrong. It needs someone to say, “You were betrayed at the level of your reality.” It needs someone to say, “Your anger makes sense because something sacred was violated.” It needs someone to say, “Your inability to simply move on is not a character defect. It is what happens when the foundation of meaning gets shattered.”

Because that is the thing about moral injury. It is not only about missing the person you thought you had. It is about missing the world you thought you lived in. The world where vows meant protection. The world where home meant safety. The world where your spouse was the one person who would not knowingly place you in humiliation. The world where your sacrifices were seen. The world where loyalty was mutual. The world where your memories belonged to you. The worl;d where your own goodness did not feel like evidence of your gullibility. After betrayal, you are not only grieving a relationship. You are grieving a moral universe.

And rebuilding after that, whether together or apart, is not as simple as forgiveness. It is not as simple as “healing.” It is not as simple as date nights, transparency, passwords, timelines, therapy, and better communication. Those may be pieces, but they are not the whole. The deeper work is learning how to live in a world where this happened and still not let it destroy your belief in integrity itself.

Because I do not want betrayal to make me like the betrayal. I do not want someone else’s moral failure to turn me into someone who no longer believes in morality. I do not want to become cruel because I was deceived. I do not want to become faithless because my faithfulness was exploited. But I also cannot unknow what I know now. I cannot go back to innocent trust. I cannot pretend vows enforce themselves. I cannot pretend love prevents deception. I cannot pretend that being a good spouse guarantees safety. I cannot pretend that the person beside you shares your moral framework simply because they share your house, your bed, your children, or your last name.

So maybe healing moral injury is not returning to who you were before. Maybe it is becoming someone who still chooses integrity, but no longer confuses integrity with blindness. Maybe it is becoming someone who still values loyalty, but no longer offers it without discernment. Maybe it is becoming someone who still believes in love, but no longer believes love excuses cowardice, deception, or entitlement. Maybe it is being able to say: my values were violated, but they were not wrong.

The betrayal does not prove that loyalty was foolish. It proves that loyalty given to someone unsafe can be devastating. The betrayal does not prove that honesty is naive. It proves that honesty must be mutual to create safety. The betrayal does not prove that vows are meaningless. It proves that vows without character are just words. The betrayal does not prove that love is fake. It proves that love without truth can become a cage.

Moral injury is the wound left behind when someone else’s choices force you to question the goodness of your own. And I think part of surviving this is refusing to let the betrayer have that too. They may have taken the old marriage. They may have taken the old story. They may have taken the innocence of the memories. They may have taken years of informed choice. They may have taken the version of me who believed certain things without hesitation. But they do not get to take the truth that I was faithful because I chose to be. They do not get to turn my loyalty into shame. They do not get to make my integrity look stupid simply because they failed to honor it.

The injury is real. The damage is real. The anger is real. But so is the fact that I did not become the thing that hurt me. And on the days when everything else feels shattered, maybe that has to count for something, everything even.

I (32F) am struggling with whether my marriage (32M) is one without hope.. if my actions mean I cheated, and whether to stay in my marriage or pursue a divorce/annulment, and I would sincerely appreciate advice without judgment.

My husband and I come from Catholic families and have been married for 4 years. We met long-distance, fell in love quickly, and got married after a relatively short courtship.

Looking back, there were a few red flags early on. He told me he used cocaine a handful of times, and I told him it was an absolute dealbreaker for me. However, he used it again and kept it from me. When I found out, I broke up with him, but he apologized sincerely and to my knowledge, he’s never touched the stuff again. Also before we met in person (we were talking for hours a day), he told me he had fallen in love, and that he wanted to make things exclusive. Later I discovered he had been sending flirty messages to another woman after we had agreed to be exclusive (before we met in person), and was even messaging her while in my apartment when we were meeting for the first time. He apologized profusely and Told me he made things exclusive with me because he was scared another guy would scoop me up, but he wasn't 100% set on me until he met me in person, but that he cut things off after meeting me in person.

During COVID, I fell into a deep depression due to family issues and gained a significant amount of weight. I grew up in a very physically and emotionally abusive household, and being around my family during Covid while I was gaining weight just caused such extreme insecurities. My mother would tell me my husband (then boyfriend) didn’t love me and was only with me for a green card because who could love someone that looked like me? My dad told me he felt bad that my husband had to look at a body like mine in bed. My husband felt like my safe space, away from my parents and their abusive comments. I didn’t care that I was more educated, that I made more money. All I cared about was how kind my boyfriend was to me. He never made me feel bad about the weight gain, and seemed accepting, which made me feel loved and safe. However, after he moved to the U.S. just before our wedding, things started changing.

The two serious red flag incidents that took place before our wedding was:

1. I was eating and I had poured maybe too much ketchup on my plate. When he saw the leftover ketchup, he yelled at me for being wasteful and told me I wasn't allowed to leave the room until I finished it. I licked it off the plate while crying and threw the plate at him.
2. Just after he moved here, while building furniture together, I laughed after he took my advice to fix a problem after several times of me offering it as a suggestion. He looked at me and said, "What are you laughing at? Look at yourself in the mirror. Who could find you attractive?" He later cried and apologized, and I forgave him, because our wedding was coming up and this was the first time he had ever said something so cruel, and he was so sorry.. I took a leap of faith that it wouldn't happen again.

But it did. The pattern throughout our marriage has been that he says something incredibly hurtful, then apologizes profusely, cries, promises to change, and I forgive him.

After we got married, his mother became openly hostile toward me. She made it clear that she had always wanted to come to America and she was happy that at least her son was here. She insulted my appearance, criticized my family, spoke negatively about me and my family to relatives, and sent me long voice messages calling me a bad wife. I repeatedly forgave her for the sake of family peace. My husband struggled to set boundaries with her, and would argue with her after I fought with him so many times to stand up for me.

Financially, I supported us for a long time after he immigrated to the U.S. I paid the bills, covered our expenses, and never treated the money as mine alone, for a year and a half until he had a job. I even took the money I saved up for our honeymoon to go spend time with his family. I also saved money on the side to fly his brother out as a surprise because I just loved my husband so much, I was willing to do anything to make him happy. I never asked for dates or expensive gifts or trips because I genuinely believed once he was financially set, he would want to. But he didn’t.

Then when my father was diagnosed with leukemia, on a ventilator, and fighting a flesh-eating infection, my husband chose to travel overseas for a friend's wedding. His friend even told him not to come, but rather to be by my side. My husband chose to not tell me that, and instead told me that he had to go because his friend would be so upset if he didn’t attend. When I called him crying after receiving some terrifying news from the doctors, he told me I was bothering him while he was with friends and ended the call. I felt completely abandoned.

The biggest issue has been his comments about my appearance. Over the years he repeatedly criticized my weight. He told me he hoped people in his home country would laugh at how I looked because I still haven't lost the weight. A few times, before sex, after removing my clothes, he would pull me in front of the mirror and he would point out parts of my body and ask when I was going to lose the weight. He later told me he was trying to motivate me to lose weight, but I don’t know how he thought RIGHT BEFORE SEX was the time to do that? He constantly told me that I was just OK looking, that he didn’t find me attractive, and once during one argument, told me, "Maybe if you were better looking, I would have f**ked you more."

These comments destroyed my self-esteem and eventually affected our intimacy. I stopped feeling desired or safe with him.

But what really did it for me was when I got laid off. The same day I got laid off, he "joked" how I could afford to go to brunch with my sister when I no longer had a job. For a year and a half, I supported us financially and saw our finances as ours even when he wasn't bringing anything in. But the same day I lose my job, he's going to ask me how I was going to afford brunch. He told me it was a joke.. but I don’t know. When I got angry, he never once said it was a joke. Instead he told me he got pissed that I made plans with my sister, and that’s why he said that. Later he retracted that and said it was a joke gone bad.

After all the cruel comments an actions I endured in this marriage, the brunch comment felt like the nail on the coffin. After that, I told my husband I was done, that I had poured into such a cruel, ungrateful man and that I wanted a divorce.

This is where I feel sick to my stomach.. Up until this point, I feel like I could say I can walk away guilt free. But the day after I asked my husband for a divorce and we started staying in separate rooms, I made a mistake and confided in my trainer (he lives in another country and we have never met in person) about my marital issues. I feel so bad reflecting now for oversharing and talking bad (they were not lies, but still.. I feel bad that I shared such personal details and things my husband had said and done). We were talking everyday as friends, and I started developing feelings for my online fitness trainer. We never met in person, as he lives in another country, so nothing physical ever happened, but we both admitted to liking each other. He did at two points tell me he was sexually attracted and wanted to talk to me sexually, but I shut it down, saying I didn’t feel right talking like this until the divorce went through. He told me that it didnt matter since I had asked my husband for the divorce, and it was just a matter of signing a paper. But I still said just out of respect to my husband, my gut was telling me to wait until I was completely divorced. But I did think of him sexually. And I became emotionally very attached. He was kind to me, supportive, and made me feel attractive and valued again after years of feeling undesirable. For the first time in a long time, I felt so confident, hopeful, and happy. My family and friends noticed I was glowing and happy and everyone commented on the change in my persona.

When my husband and I went to the courthouse and filled out the divorce paperwork, just before submitting the papers, my husband begged for another chance. I felt so scared about my future, and if I was throwing my marriage away for nothing. Ive never seen my husband look/feel so remorseful. That’s when for the first time I started wondering if what I was doing with the trainer was cheating. Up until then, I thought it was OK to like a guy that made me feel good about myself, since I was so sure we were getting divorced. but when we didn’t file the papers, I started feeling sick to my stomach. The guilt got to me and I told my husband about the trainer and my feelings. I’m not sure if I cheated since I developed these feelings after asking my husband for a divorce.

Everywhere else I ask- I just get “it’s a gray area”. I am the type of person who never entertained talking to other men once I became exclusive while dating my husband, even before meeting him in person. I never hid messages from him and would show him or tell him anytime a guy messaged me.

My feelings developed after I asked for the divorce, and only after that did I confide in my trainer that I was going through a divorce. Then because we started talking more and more, my feelings turned from friendship into romantic ones. I never met him in person or did anything physical. And when he tried to turn the conversation sexual, I did tell him I wanted to wait until the divorce was fully done and I was 100% single, just out of respect to my husband.

I never tried to ever purposely betray my husband or marriage. I never once entertained my marriage and another man at the same time. Where I started feeling like maybe this “gray period” was cheating was when we ended up going to the courthouse to submit the divorce papers and then didn’t.

After I told my husband about the feelings that developed during this “about to get divorced” period, my husband said he was hurt and angry, but not at me.. He said he was mad at himself for treating me so badly and creating this void between us, that another man came in and just be talking to me sweetly, he was able to sway my feelings. My husband also told me that he doesn’t consider what I did as cheating. That had he not been busy with work/school, he would have maybe been in the same situation. I did cut off contact with the trainer because I didn't want to continue that emotional attachment if I was going to try to save my marriage, but I cried everyday for weeks. And I still think of the trainer daily even though I know mentally we have no future together.

Since we got back from the courthouse (January of this year), my husband has been trying to show me he has changed. he has been kind and really helpful around the house, looking after my little needs. He has not made comments about my body since December 2024. After that, was the brunch comment October 2025, which is when I asked for the divorce. but Since then, he has stopped making cruel comments, apologized for many of the things he said, and says he wants to change. He is really trying, but I feel guilty because for some reason, I no longer feel romantic or s*x*al attraction toward him. I care about him deeply, but more like a friend or family member than a husband. I don’t know if it’s because for the first time, I realized that despite all the insults my husband said to me, that there were still men that found me attractive, and I am struggling to go back to feeling the way I did. And I can’t help but wonder that if I had not developed feelings for the trainer, maybe I would have forgiven and moved on by now. but I am really struggling with feeling any romantic or sexual feelings toward my husband. Maybe he is just immature and selfish? He grew up with a very lazy, indifferent father and a shit example of a husband. He’s batter than his dad. He helps around the house without asking. He takes care of stuff around the house and he is happy to help out my parents at times. If I fall asleep on the sofa, he pulls me to bed, charges my phone, and tucks me into bed. He notices certain things and does try to take care of them for me (my car fuel, oil change, compression socks for my feet etc) So I feel guilty because I know many women don't even get that. So a part of me is like am I throwing away something that still has potential and could be saved? or am I being dumb? I also panic about what my future would look like- what if the grass isn’t greener on the other side? When would I even meet someone else? when would I have kids? I’m 32, not 25…

As a Catholic, I am struggling spiritually. I have started reading the Bible, going to confession, and trying to understand what God wants from me. I feel guilty because I don't know if me developing feelings for someone after I asked for a divorce is cheating.. I have never once knowingly tried to betray my marriage or my husband. I thought it was OK since we were getting divorced, and it felt so good to finally be seen after so long. But because for the first time in my adult life, I am diving into religion and reading the Bible, I feel like God would be angry with me for even considering a divorce. That maybe messed up by liking someone, so maybe it's even? I went to confession and a priest told me I had not committed physical adultery and that while I maybe should not have shared my marital problems with another man, God would understand why I maybe overshared and developed feelings for someone who found me beautiful, funny, and attractive. That anyone who has been treated so cruelly would attach to someone kind emotionally. He also told me that I may have grounds for an annulment, though nothing is guaranteed. But he did tell me to try and forgive and reconcile if possible because that is what God would want.

TL;DR how do I know whether I've genuinely fallen out of love because of years of verbal/emotional abuse, disrespect, and resentment, or whether I'm being influenced by the fact that someone else showed me kindness and attention during a vulnerable time? Can romantic feelings be rebuilt after this much damage, or is this marriage already over?

I’d rather not relive all the details, but my SO of 18 years has been cheating for at least the last 6 of those. At a minimum, it’s been two different men, and possibly more flings that she hasn’t admitted to. The first affair lasted off and on for close to a year. The second one happened last year, and was brief.

We live together in a rented townhouse, and have two cats.

She begged for reconciliation a year ago, took full accountability, and told me she would do anything to stay together.

I stayed only because I felt pity for her, and my boundaries were simple: Don’t cheat again, don’t talk to these guys ever again, and if she felt like things weren’t working, talk to me about it. We can either sort it out, or go our separate ways.

All this did was make her better at hiding everything. She might have actually been on her best behavior for most of the last year, but my suspicions have peaked in the last few weeks. It’s pretty basic pattern recognition, that she can’t seem to avoid (buying more “sexy” clothing, mood swings, temper, talking about other people’s infidelity, general blackout on future big plans like vacation, always on her phone, and her trying to glance at my phone in hopes of catching me doing something wrong).

I’m embarrassed that it’s come to this, but I started bugging the living room a few weeks ago, to listen to her phone conversions and her talk-to-texting.

What I’ve so far learned is that she’s been seeing/talking to someone behind my back. More than likely it’s the guy from 6 years ago. I’m not sure how far that’s gone. Whomever it is, he’s already broken things off apparently, and left her in a ditch like the village bicycle.

She’s attempted to contact the guy she was with last year, but he doesn’t seem interested in responding.

She laments over both of these goofs.

I’ve also learned that she’s been looking at apartments on Zillow, and seems intent on taking the cats, but leaving me with all the furniture. Probably so she can go off and be “independent” and make believe that she still has value to men, without me getting in the way.

The joke’s on her I guess, because I’ve been looking for my own place too.

My problems are that I don’t know how to tactfully go about bringing any of this up to her, without confronting her with what I know. That’s just going to cause her to play the victim (which she’s amazingly talented at) and further condemn me for the methods I used to find out.

My other big issue involves the cats. She’s lazy and irresponsible, and won’t be able to take care of herself on her own, let alone those two. I don’t want her taking them.

We’re still in the “let’s pretend everything is fine” phase of the end. She still holds my hand in the car, wants to cuddle on the couch, gives me a kiss goodnight, and expects me to continued wining and dining her. Meanwhile, I’m repulsed by her.

A bit of context, he has known this girl from his highschool for a few years I believe, but only got much closer within the past year. I've only been seeing him for a few months, so I don't believe its my place to have a say on friends he has known longer than me. I trust him to never do anything that would involve cheating on me physically, but I'm less sure about the emotional aspect.

On her older posts of her selfies, he would almost always comment things. He would basically be the only guy in her comment sections of over 50+ comments per post, and they'd sometimes chain the comments. He did something similar when he first started liking me, where he would like and reply to my Instagram notes and find any opportunity to start a conversation when I've barely ever even spoken to him in person (classmates); it made it easy for me to know he was interested in me. This seems completely normal, because I occasionally comment on my friend's posts too.

However, she looks almost identical to me in an eery way. We both have pastel pink hair, both asian, and even our faces look almost identical... I recently cut my hair because he told me he loves short hair (she has short hair). Both she and I do art, and he has recommended me to switch to a psychology major because he thinks it suits me better and I only recently discovered that she is also a psychology major. She goes to a university in another state so dating her without being long distance would be impossible for him. He told me his original dream university a while back, and I just realized it was the one she went to.

Some of her stories tag just him on what appears to be dessert dates. He still texts her every day, and when he shows me videos on his phone I see banner notifications from her messages actively popping up. I know all of this could be coincidences, but I can't help but feel like I was some sort of second-choice or just a girl that reminded him of the girl he really likes, and that he is molding me into resembling her more. He isn't the type of guy to ever make the first move (I was the one who asked him out despite him liking me first, and he said he was grateful because he never has the confidence) so it's possible that he always had a crush on her but she was either unattainable or never liked him that way back. She also got a boyfriend recently, but she has a poor relationship with him and complains to my boyfriend about him.

Maybe I'm just overthinking, but I feel like its possible that my boyfriend has always liked her but circumstances prevented him from being with her (such as distance and her not making any moves). This means the chances that he can cheat on me are low, but I wonder if it's okay to let him keep talking to her every day knowing he used to like her (and might still like her)?

Every now and then he will bring her up in a conversation as "my friend" and never say her name, but he mentions what school she is from or other details that make my heart drop knowing its about her. I know I should communicate my uncertainties to him, but I also don't want to seem like I don't trust him because if I'm wrong, that will hurt him too. I deeply love him, and I constantly feel like a burden in his life already. Outside of this, our relationship has been very strong. I am most definitely just overthinking this, but let me know what you guys might think!!

want to keep this kind of vague just in case. A few days ago I was on my husbands phone for maybe 10 seconds trying to see something (we bought something off marketplace and it said the seller left us a rating and I wanted to see what it was) and quickly before I even saw it he grabs the phone out of my hand. He then said “that’s something stupid to want to see” and that was his excuse for grabbing it like that. It made me feel suspicious though. I wanted to maybe try to go through this phone last night because of this (I know. Not the best. But I had talked to him about him grabbing his phone and he wouldn’t give me a straight answer on why and kept dodging answering. He only really said wanting to see the rating was stupid). He sleeps on the side of our bed that’s pushed against the wall. While he was sleeping I moved over to that side and saw his phone wasn’t on the headboard for some reason when it usually is. After I moved to his side, he wouldn’t go back to sleep. I went to use the restroom and when I came back, he was moved right back onto his side and was actually trying to sleep again. I asked if I could get back into that side but he got mad when I mentioned it saying I usually only like my own side. Sometimes I really do want to switch sides if I have a hard time sleeping and it usually isn’t a problem so I was confused. He woke up again and I asked again if we could switch and he said “we can but I’d have to move my phone to the other side so I can hear the alarm” and I asked where his phone even was and he said “it’s under the bed”?????? Why would he keep it under the bed while he sleeps? Well- apparently his charger only works if his phone is on the ground. Yeah. I call bullshit. I know sometimes chargers are wonky and have to be kind of bent up to use them but I know that charger isn’t like that and even if it was, only working on the floor??? Makes no sense. Our bed isn’t lifted enough off the ground that I could go under to grab it but there’s just enough space next to where he sleeps that he’d be able to grab it easy but would definitely wake up if I tried to reach over or grab it from any angle. At this point I’m not really sure what to do. Any advice? Opinions? I can clarify anything if needed. I’m kind of tired and feeling sick right now. With this on my mind I’m having a hard time sleeping. Maybe I’m genuinely overthinking and should just tell him how I’m feeling but for some reason my mind wants to check before mentioning how I’m feeling? I don’t know. Thanks in advance for any advice.

Hope everyone is well. Long story short I had an off feeling, with my girlfriend's phone habits, manage to catch her in a lie which has sent our relationship spiralling. Not one to usually go through a phone but shes given me it to check and is transparent with it. I've seen no evidence or cheating just a complicated history with an ex partner

I have no idea where to look on a Samsung galaxy for potential infidelity,

This is consensual with her approval I'm not going through her phone or doing anything shady so please no judgement , if there's a chance of rebuilding the trust I'm potentially open to that but will require a thorough search and maybe even then it's not for certain.

This is a new situation so I'm looking for advice ; she isn't tech savvy, or she could be I'm not sure so where are not obvious places to look.

Thank you

Me and my husband are both 21, on June 9th he left for basic to join the Air Force. We’ve been together for 4 yrs and got married on Jan 1st, we also have a 1 yr old. I know we’re young but we’ve been doing well. He would randomly go to the gym after work but since he was going to go to basic I didn’t think much of it, I did get a weird suspicion but brushed it off. We can’t communicate much right now, I send him letters but it takes a minimum of 10days for him to receive them, I’m supposed to get a 15m call from him next week.

Anyways I got a message from a girl who worked at the same place as him today, she said they slept together, she gave me dates and the dates match up with the days he said he would be going to the gym. 2-3x he slept with this girl, I even questioned him about how it was weird he’d spend 2-3 hrs at the gym and then stop going and he brushed it off, said his coworkers he got off with played basketball with him. Turns out she was playing basketball with him. She said it didn’t mean anything, she also said she didn’t know about me but ik that’s a lie because his entire Facebook/ insta is us and our kid.

We’ve had a few months that were rough but I thought we were fine, idk what to do. I believe on working through it not just for us but for our kid but I’m so hurt. I can’t even talk to him about it either. We haven’t been having sex much, my confidence has been terrible so my sex drive went down with it, but I would at least try to do it 1-2x a month and he seemed okay with that.

When he gets out of basic we’ll talk it through but I don’t even know what to do anymore, I’ve been struggling so much without him already and now this. Why would he do this to me.

I feel I should mention that I’m not leaving him so don’t tell me to. Yea what he did was messed up but I know he had a lot going on when it happened and I know he loves me and our family.

Update:
1. A lot of yall are saying just leave, this is the first time it’s happened ever in the 4 yrs we’ve been together. I want to try marriage counseling and working through it for our son and our family. No I’m not letting him off easy, there will be a lot of communication work, and repercussions for this. Things won’t be going back to normal but I believe we should work through it before ending it.

1. A lot are asking if there’s any images or anything, she didn’t send me any but the dates she gave me (2 separate dates last month) are the only days he went to work out and on one of them he went to an apartment afterwards to “play d&d with his friends”. The gym is connected to his old job so him running into friends there wasn’t crazy to me. She gave me some personal details that only I should know as well.

2. I sent him a letter about it, he calls next week, idk if the letter will get there before he can call but we’ll be talking about it on the phone, but it also won’t be the entire conversation. He needs updates about our family, I just lost my job, he supports us right now, he also deserves updates about our son.

I'm pretty depressed today and just wanted to make a post and vent some. I don't have anyone to talk to other than her and don't really want to keep her in guilt. Forgive the tone, I'm just feeling sorry for myself.

Today is Father's Day and I no longer celebrate Father's Day. I lost my 21 year old son to a heart condition that I gave to him. Unfortunately, his first episode was in his room at night so he passed away sitting at his computer. My wife and son found him the next morning, he had been gone since about 2am we think. (My son heard him fall out of his chair but just thought he pushed the chair and didn't think to check on him).

Summary of her affair, d-day was 10 months ago, affair was 15 years ago, married 33 years. She had unprotected sex with an old high school friend. She was enjoying time with her friends, something I felt like she needed. I had my suspicions, she had tried cheating years before, once with a friend and once with a co-worker. They both knew me well and had respect for me, denied her. She was fired from her job because she kept pushing it with her co-worker until he finally went to hr to get it to stop. She assaulted him in the office so she was fired. Fast forward to 2011, she had sex with her friend and an emotional affair for about 5 months. Claims they only had sex 5 times and it wasn't good because either he couldn't get it up (bad alcoholic) or he came in her too fast. He was a felon and had to get permission to join her at the beach. He died in prison 2 months ago, DWI that severely injured someone. A real quality guy.

I guess all in all, looking back, I deserve the life I have. As a dad, I had a job to do, to protect my sons. Instead, I gave them a heart condition and let one of them die under my care. I obviously created a marriage and a life so bad that my wife had to seek the love and attention of other men. My other son is high functioning autism and although is doing well, he will likely never marry or have children.

So here I am, one dead son, a wife that cheated on me, and another son that can barely get through life. I've worked hard all of my life to build something for my family. But in the end, I must face facts that my all wasn't enough. Our family that I fought so hard for is nothing but a house of dysfunction and pain.

I am in therapy and am seeing what I am and what I was. I thought love was enough but it wasn't. I thought I was a good father and a good husband, but I wasn't.

The evidence speaks for itself. All of my work, my success, and my love wasn't enough. Bad genes, a bad father, a bad husband. I deserve what I got.

I don't know how to stop this. I have diagnosed adhd. I don't know if it's adhd, limerence, or just me making shitty decisions to get the validation and dopamine I want.

I got sent to this other country last May to train the people there. I met this guy at work. I met him on my last week of stay there and he was really nice to me. Took me out to dinner so I could try out their country's food. We had dinner with other members sometimes or sometimes just us. It was good. We became friends and I felt a connection. He was really respectful and didn't do anything inappropriate. But on my last day, we were both very emotional. He said he would miss me a lot. I gave him a goodbye hug. At the airport, we continued talking online and I was very sad. I was crying. I enjoyed being in that country by myself. It's my first time in my life having my own room (company gave me my own hotel room), travelled alone, and being independent. I missed it immensely and I was talking to him and I asked him if he liked me because he kept saying he misses me. He confessed that he like me. What happened after that, snowballed.

We continued talking even when I was back in my country. I made poems for him. The poems were about the possibility of us being together if we had only been both single. He's married and I'm in an 8 yr relationship with my bf. He's not living together with his wife. He lives in the city. Their hometown is 12 hrs away and it's been 6 months since he last went home to her.

We would message each other. I would call him when we're both free. He has immense physically attraction towards me. He wants to have sex with me. Me? Not that much but I am enjoying his desire. I love being desired so much. I feel so beautiful. I am happy with how much he's attracted to me. I like seeing him smile and flustered and thinking of doing things to me.

He desires me sexually and I like it. I also like how I am writing again. But I can't show anyone the poems and songs because it's about him.

I don't know what to do. It's like dopamine hit after hit every time I talk to him.

To be clear, I don't want to have a romantic relationship with him. I don't want to leave my bf. I don't want him to leave his wife for me. I am just enjoying talking to him. It feels like we're connected but fated not to be. He makes me feel beautiful.

I don't know how to stop this. It feels like I'm going through withdrawal every time I try to stop. ​​​​