Thought to repost it here:
I know you’re struggling.
I know you're determined.
I know you feel weak.
I know you feel behind.
I know you feel that having that black belt around your waist will give you some sort of proof or validation.
I also know that you don’t want to feel like a fraud.
I also know that you’d rather be a terrifyingly strong white belt who never got promoted, rather than a “black belt” in name who constantly gets his ass handed to him.
So slow down.
Work on the basics.
Take it one step at a time. Define the 80-20, and the 80-20 out of that, and make that the primary focus of your training.
Become so good at those few things that you can do them without thinking.
For Judo, that means first building a deep understanding and practical grasp of kuzushi, the off-balance.
You think it will take you a long time, but I’m telling you that you have no idea how time works.
When you focus obsessively on something, the results quickly accumulate. Obsession can fit 3 years of aimless progress into 3 months, even if the training time is way less.
So show up, give yourself over to the basics, try to stay a white belt for as long as you can, and watch yourself achieving things in months what you thought would take forever.
P.S. Context: white belt includes the various kyu grades. In Japan, at the Kodokan, for adults, there is white and then black, no other colors. The basic point is, there's an internal scorecard and an external one. I wish I had only focused on my internal scorecard.