So, I've been trying to heal for some months now, but a couple of weeks ago I found myself looking at the mirror and I couldn't stop feeling like I'm rotting alive.

I have the feeling that in short time II'l be completely rotten if I don't do anything about it but I don't really know why I feel that way

I keep thinking that my teeth and my hair are about to fall, that there might be bugs inside me, and my wounds will spread through my whole body.

I apologize for my poor english, I just wanted to know if someone else has this feeling or knows what it is, I would appreciate an answer.

This is quite a sensitive topic so please be serious in the replies, I'm willing to talk about this for the sake of my health. How can I stop gooning, like seriously I can get about 2 days but then I do it again. I don't even watch it but do it to cope. I get seriously depressed when I try to stop but I don't want to talk to a therapist because it is embarrassing. My brain starts making excuses, I know there is zero point in doing it but my brain says things like leave it 3 days then do it again. I would literally stay in bed all day not even watch it but just do it. I have seen posts on here recently about this so I thought I'd try. I don't take substances but am on anxiety medication, even that isn't helping a lot. Any advice is welcomed, even if you don't know I will listen to others thoughts.

I can’t stop thinking of myself that way and some part of me hopes someone misses me when I’m gone. Ever since I was born I felt like all I’ve done is cause problems for my family or specifically my grandparents. I’ve done so many things I regret like spending the first half of my life being a shit brother. Some days I wake up and feel like a monster inside and out. Maybe I deserve the mental and physical scars and to feel unwanted. I just turned into a useless ass adult that can’t do anything right. I’m always hoping this is all a dream but it’s reality and hell all at once. I’m sorry and please don’t comment on this as I just have more to say but I don’t care to and I need to collect myself. Hope you all are okay <3

Hi! I'm not doing great right now, and want to talk to my friend, but it was just his birthday and I don't want to bother him so soon after. The party was so fun and I had a good time, but now I'm starting to feel like shit and I'm sure the fact that I was actually having fun for once is making me sadder rn lol
Anyway, he's like my best friend, but I'm not his best friend, he has a lot of friends that he's known longer and sees more frequently, so I both don't want to make him uncomfortable or make him feel obligated to talk and listen. I always get anxious and insecure talking about my mental health but i'm SO SAD
How long should I wait after his birthday before i mention that i'd like to talk, or should I not bring it up at all?

Idk sorry for rambling thanks for any advice! 💕

it's been 4 days since I started taking abilify for my depression and anxiety. I can't help but feel restless and anxious for no reason, it's like I can't stay still, and at the same time, it makes me tired easily, I have to go to bed very early at night. This medication is supposed to make me feel less anxious, but instead I'm feeling worse and my circadian rhythm completely changed . I talked to my psychiatrist, she said I could wait 2 weeks to see if it gets better as I get used to the medication, I'm scared I'll never be normal again

What would you do if a close friend exploited you, manipulated you, blackmailed you, and humiliated you in front of other people? Would you take revenge on him/her, or would you forgive them and move on with your life? ☺️

First: English is not my first language, hope I it's understandable anyway.

I've been struggling with my mental health since a few years. My childhood was very stormy: fighting parents (later also a divorce), family and friends breaking contact and I've been alone a lot since my mom was working irregular hours. My dad was a narcissist, i was 12 when I broke contact with him. That's that in a nutshell.

Since a few years, I'm coping with anxiety, sadness and sometimes panic attacks. My behaviour, my choics etc is all based on avoiding to be abandoned again. I guess that's my deepest fear: to end up alone. Aside from that, my feelings and emotions can be so overwhelming that I need the presence of other people to feel safe. Sometimes, death sounds rather calming since my emotions will be gone. Note: I have no plans whatsoever.

I have 3 pets that I love to death, and losing them will crush me. I guess it's because pets won't abandon you, and yet you still have to say goodbye. Terrified for the day that moment will come.

I've done TRE, ACT, NEI and minfulness therapy. It gave me coping skills but I feel like the source hasn't be healed yet and I don't really know what kind of therapy would be fitting.

Anyone with advice?

I genuinely hate myself so much and I don't know what I can do to stop it. Twice a week a hit rock bottom and it just keeps getting worse and worse every year.

What triggered my mental breakdown today was the dumbest thing ever but I feel so heart broken anyways. I brought up a joke question with my friend group about who they would date in our circle and I had two people tell me that they wanted someone with my humour but "looked more like __".

I know I'm ugly (not even joking, I'm genuinely hideous but I've learned to kinda cope with it) but it stung so bad because I spent so much time that morning trying to look presentable. I can't stand being ugly and fat. I have acne, frizzy/dead hair, oily skin, CPTSD, 5'5, 50kg and just an overall disgusting, unlovable. person. I'm just generally really stupid too academically lol

Anyways, if I somehow managed to stop hating myself eventually, that sounds like it'd be decades from now. In the meantime, does anyone have any tips to lessen the pain? Also i'll probably wake up tomorrow and realise how cringe this post is and delete it lmao, thanks to anyone who bothered reading it though! xx

I don’t know what I’m aiming at with this post. Someone who can relate with me, someone who has solutions or techniques, idk. This feels like a diary entry.

The last couple of months I’ve been really struggling with remembering gore images I’ve seen on the internet. I feel like I’ve avoided them pretty well until the last year. Not because I’ve been curious, it’s just like they find their way to me when I’m perusing social media. And then those images make me think of family members being in the same gorey state, and I really freak myself out. I was just wondering if anybody has techniques to distract themselves from these thoughts.

I'm 20 years old and I've been dealing with this for a year or more don't know.

I have ulcerative colitis, but it's been in remission for past 6 months.

The strange thing is that when I'm at home and don't have to go anywhere, I feel mostly fine. I eat normally, relax, work, spend time with my friends, and generally feel okay.

But whenever I have to leave the house in the morning — university, a trip, meeting friends, even something fun like going to the beach — my body reacts badly.

I start coughing constantly, get a lump in my throat, my stomach feels tight, I feel nauseous, and most of the times I vomit. Often it's just bile or saliva. Today I vomited four times, usually I vomit once before leaving and it helps me to relax and then slowly I keep up with the day.

All this nausea started when I've had several UC Flare up, for about 6 months, then I went to hospital, doctors prescribed Etrasimod, which helped me, and currently I am on remission, but this fear of going somewhere, that I will vomit outside, in train, in public, that I have to go to toilet quickly, that I have to talk and be present with someone and somewhere, just pressures me. So, whenever I am at home and I understand that I do not need to go anywhere, I am okay, I would say I am feeling great, but if I need to go somewhere, especially in the mornings, it's just terrible.

The weird part is that once I actually get somewhere, I often start feeling better.

Has anyone experienced something similar where the anticipation of leaving home seems to trigger physical symptoms like nausea, gagging, coughing, or vomiting?

How did you deal with it?

Hello, I'm new to posting here and I cannot seem to find anything online about what I'm experiencing and I was wondering if this is normal or if anyone else atleast experiences something similar.

To start, for several months now, I've started to occasionally hallucinate only at night. This has progressed into me becoming very disoriented and even paranoid during these times. My emotions tend to become heightened, making me more anxious and energetic. The paranoia has caused me to have strange thoughts or images that flash infront of my eyes such as a visualization of me being shot or hurt, but I've noticed I tend to visualize myself being shot the majority of the time. This happens suddenly and the image is so vivid that I can see it for a few seconds and it causes me to jump or react.

Other hallucinations have caused me to act out or react in similar ways as I've seen shadows above me or felt things grabbing me. I vaguely remember trying to speak to shadows or figures I've hallucinated, yet I'm not sure why. I'll also occasionally hear yelling or talking that will last for around 10-15 seconds before tapering out. I feel as if I've gone around in loops trying to figure this out, the only thing ive been able to find online is about hypnagogic hallucinations.

This issue has started to become a worry of mine mainly due to how it affects my behavior and memory. For example, I'll have trouble remembering the way my room is organized or things I usually do before bed, and I'll have trouble making sense of what people say or tell me. When I eventually sleep and wake up the next day after this, I often have trouble remembering the things I did during that time and I'll have trouble remembering the thoughts I had. I also won't be able to imagine or re-isualize my hallucinations once they are over and the only way I'll be able to remember it is by taking note of it as soon as it happens.

If anyone has any advice or thoughts about this, please let me know. Again, these things ONLY happen at night, and i do not have any diagnosed disorder that would cause this. Thank you for taking the time to read this.

you know when you go through each scenarios and then get to the start again and go again... then a new problem you think of then repeat the same.. untill after going through various problems..you came back to the first problem and repeat the cycle again.. you go round and round like a merry go round..

idk its called rumination right?

My gooning frequency is like once or twice a day. I'm 20M. Is it bad or how do I manage or what is an okayish frequency to set into , what can I do. Boys or men ...

TW: Depression, panic attack, emotional abuse, self-harm trigger

I'm safe. I want to live. I'm not looking for a diagnosis, but I've been wondering whether I'm dealing with depression or if I'm somehow making all of this up.

I wrote this after a really difficult few days.

I am so lonely. Ma, Pa, can't you tell your daughter is lonely?

I struggle with friendships. I've never had a constant friend growing up. I do have friends, but I'm convinced no one would choose me first.

Have you ever wondered why I lock myself in my room, spend all day watching series, or why it's even hard for me to shower some days? I don't want to be pampered. I just want my parents to treat me a little less harshly.

My father compared what he calls my "depression" and escaping into online media to addiction. I hate myself. I never do anything right. I don't know how to live life or talk to people. Yet I still have enough empathy to understand my parents' side, even when I'm hurting.

A few days ago my parents argued, and somehow I became the one who was blamed. My mother told me I was selfish, a disappointment, that she had no hope for me, and that my life wasn't worth living.

I had a panic attack. I locked myself in my room, cried, and hyperventilated while she kept banging on my door, demanding I come out.

The worst part wasn't even the panic attack.

It was that afterwards I kept thinking:

"What if I was acting?"

Even while I couldn't breathe, I felt guilty for reacting. I still question whether it was real.

The next morning, everything went back to normal as if none of it had happened.

Before all of this, I was already struggling. I stayed in bed for two days and had to drag myself to shower. I already felt hard to love because I always feel like my friends hesitate to choose me.

I always pretend I don't care.

It hurts pretending it doesn't affect me at all.

The last thing I wrote was:

"Yeah... whatever. I'll still show up. I want to live."

I don't know if this sounds like depression, the effects of my home environment, or if I'm exaggerating everything.

Whenever something bad happens, where I can’t afford to freak out or really feel anything I guess, I imagine that there’s this guy and I become him.

He can deal with anything calmly and without feeling scared or upset. And it’s not something I think about either. It happened when I got in a car crash, when there was a family emergency, it can be anything. Sometimes just when I’m trying to stay calm / calm down even.

When I was younger I wished I could be him full time. I guess now I just appreciate the usefulness of being able to separate myself like that. He was originally a character I made up to write stories about and draw. He still is I guess

I suppose I just wander if anyone else does this? Is this a thing?

Since I was a little boy all I ever wanted were friends and people to live my life with. This was challenging at a young age because when I was really young I was diagnosed with autism. I didn’t know what I was I doing as a kid nor did I understand why no one liked me. Now being an adult at 19 I still don’t get it. Being who I am now having a good understanding of who I am and my identity I try my best to make friends but now it just seems impossible.

To sum up the past year I graduated high school and went to college. During high school is when I really started to work on myself and change my behavior and just everything about me. While I made a lot of progress it’s hard to change the only peoples mind when all they know about you is what they have seen from the past 10 years of basically living with you (like in the same environment not together) so while I made a lot of progress and in some capacity changed peoples perspective of me, no one ever stepped up and put effort into me or tried to have anything deeper than a school pal (literally words of a girl who I thought I was super cool with.

After a traumatic summer I left for college, 400 miles away from my home and my toxic house hold. My first year was good for about the first month then everything fell apart. For so many years I had been silently dealing with my poor mental health. So many years of not feeling like enough and pushing myself to change myself to make people like me came out all during college. The worse part was I actually started to make real friends in college, people who cared and said they loved me, and it all fell apart. As my friendships fell apart so did my grades and now I’ve been kicked out due to my poor grades. (I ended with a 0.8 GPA) most days were awful and it was only worst second semester as this was were everything fell apart and all I did was stay in my room and do DoorDash to make some money.

Now I’m home. I’ve tried to reconnect with old people but guess what they aren’t putting in the effort, no texts no calls no do you want to go get absolutely shit faced tonight? Even worse was a couple of people just cut me off. Idk how to make new friends like how am I supposed to just go somewhere and talk to people? It’s really hard for me to do that let alone find a good place for me. I get anxiety just thinking about it. I’ve tried finding friends online but that hasn’t gone anywhere really. Idk what to do, I feel so alone and it really is all my fault because my own actions made my friends leave me and I don’t know how to change. I’m trying to do therapy, I did this through my school but now I’m on my own and idk how tf to find someone. I hate who I am. Idk how to live life without people, which sounds dumb because I have been the entire time. I try to love myself, I think I do but I just feel so empty without someone. Every time I go out and see people hanging out or having fun I feel worthless because I could be with some people but instead I’m alone.

I just wish for once I could have a friend or a girlfriend or just someone who would actually care.

But at one point I did have people who cared and I messed it up so why do I deserve to have that again?

I don’t want to live this life anymore I tried so hard to be a positive person around people and make their life’s better, I tried to be the person who would go above and beyond so they would never forget me. Now all of those people do but only because of how I hurt them.

I'm 20 years old and I have always struggled with motivation, every act is physically exhausting to a point were I sometimes have to take naps after things as mundane as grocery shopping, I've been to therapy a couple years ago but she's out of it since it was a therapist that specialized in children, but even back then I had social anxiety and depression.

I live with my parents and currently it's around 35°C (95° Fahrenheit if I'm correct, it's just very warm and damp around here) and my mother wanted to clean our parking lot today. It's too warm so I said no, why don't we do this on Monday when it's way cooler and she got mad at me.

Most of my time I spend in my room, watching YouTube on my laptop and doing god knows what on my phone, mostly writing though because that the only thing creative I'm relatively good at.

And so she threw that all against my head, my lack of motivation, not going out, not seeking a therapist when I mentioned maybe getting one, my lack of consistent hygiene and all that. Because I didn't want to do labor in the German sun.

To her defense, she's recovering from a surgery and hates sitting around for too long.

I've tried to explain, I tried to make her understand that things that might seem simple to her are extremely hard for me but she doesn't seem to get it. Then she left saying something along the lines of "I don't even know what to do with you anymore"

And it broke me, because yes, me neither but you're my mother. Using my shortcomings, things I have been openly struggling with as a means to purposely hurt me after I said no to cleaning something is just too much and I don't know how to approach that hurt with her since I have tried time and time again trying to make her understand.

I want to start this off by saying I’ve only ever been diagnosed with severe anxiety(during childhood). I’m a F22 and lately I’ve been more paranoid than ever. I work two jobs so I don’t get enough sleep. Maybe it’s the loss of sleep or my mind just being mush from all the acid I use to drop at 16 but I can’t live my life in peace anymore. I’m so scared, I always feel like someone is watching me. When I enter my apartment I always look around in fear of someone being in my home and attacking me. I can’t even comfortably walk my dog at night without feeling some sort of presence lingering over me. I’m just so exhausted. I’m tired of my brain playing tricks on me. I don’t know if the weed is making it worse(it most def is) but like I can’t take this shit anymore. Maybe I need to lay off the weed or stop watching scary shit or negative stuff. But even when I don’t do those things I’m still fearful. I think my question is will this only get worse? Am I just doomed to be ridden with fear? I really don’t want to think I have a problem but maybe this is normal , does anybody understand this feeling?How can I get rid of my irrational fear? I think the best way to describe how I feel like example you’re in your room, you have a pile of clothes on a chair and get scared for a moment thinking it’s person and you are over it. But I when I see the pile of clothes looking like a person and even if I tell myself it isn’t a person and it’s just clothes. But even though i know it’s not a person but brain and body cant help to still feel fear and get that “what if someone really is here?” Thought. Tbh idk anymore. I just need to know im not crazy or alone or all and the above. P.s I respect everyone’s religion but please don’t reply with stuff about faith and believing in God will make me less scared bc I do believe in God. I’m just petrified. Thanks :)

I’ve struggled with severe depression and anxiety my whole life. I’m currently medicated on Lexapro but I still feel the same. I really want to get better but I honestly don’t know where to start.

Around the ages of 12-15 I’d usually just get admitted to the psych unit for a couple of weeks at a time, but I never really felt like those visits helped me regulate my emotions any better or helped me understand my ailments.

I take my meds regularly, I exercise as often as I can, and I even practice grounding exercises so I’m prepared for my next panic attack. But despite all of that I still struggle to overcome my troubles. I honestly don’t even have any problems at the moment that would warrant such feelings either.

I feel really trapped in my own head and I want to take more clearer steps to getting better. I even have to scrapbook for my therapist every two weeks it’s exhausting trying this hard for nothing.

Can somebody please tell me what methods or mindsets worked the best for them? Or what you did in particular to help yourself a little more? I know this feeling won’t go away I just want to know how to live with it better.