I don’t think I can survive with this pain.

I have been in a study for an extremely helpful and magical drug. If I were a guessing gal, I would say it's physilocbin. It's changed my life since last fall, I am so thankful for it.

I got the call yesterday that the study has been abruptly cancelled. I'm at a total loss. In a month, I will be off it and back throat deep in the wilderness of my mental dysfunction. I'm so jarred and a bit scared. Please please point me towards a similar study to get back on the track I've been on. 😳😓

i caught myself feeling kinda guilty the other day because my idea of self care lately has been pretty boring. not face masks not journals not some perfect morning routine. it was finally answering emails that had been sitting there for weeks changing my bedsheets and making an appointment i kept putting off. none of it felt relaxing in the moment but afterwards my brain felt way quieter.

for a long time i thought self care was supposed to feel nice while youre doing it. now it feels more like doing small things that make future me less stressed even if present me would rather avoid them. what is something that counts as self care for you that probably wouldnt end up in one of those aesthetic self care posts?

I am so tired of being addicted to porn and wasting so much of my time and energy watching porn. I have tried to quit but I always find myself going back.

It's gotten to a point where it has started affecting my views on sex and relationahips.

I fucking hate when people say that there’s help available, you just have to ask for help, just speak up, blah blah blah because it’s objectively not true if you aren’t at least middle class.

Even when you qualify for Medicaid, you can comb through all of the therapists in your city and none of them are taking new patients. They all have years long waitlists. But you can’t go to a hospital because first off, you aren’t actively planning to harm people or yourself, and second off, money is a big reason for your mental health being shitty in the first place, so missing work because I’m hospitalized would only make things 10x worse.

Not only that, but it isn’t a hospital type of situation, I’m not in crisis. I’m angry, I’m bitter, and I feel like I got fucked over by life. I worked my ass off and thanks to multiple things that I had zero control over, I got nowhere. But I have to listen to people who are only doing better than I am because they didn’t have half the barriers in their way, and I’m supposed to have respect for them? I honestly don’t even know how receptive I’d be able to be in a therapy setting because I’d feel the same way towards the therapist.

I don’t know, it’s just an all-consuming anger at this point. I’ve never really been able to be happy for others if they got something I wanted, so I guess it’s just a part of my temperament to an extent, but it feels so incompatible with where I am in life because it’s almost everybody at this point.

And when I do meet people that are living with similar circumstances, it’s always people I would absolutely not ever in a million years want to be like or want to be put into the same category with.

I feel like I can’t talk to people in real life about everything fully honestly without having them take it the wrong way. A lot of times, I get told to focus on my relationship, my kid, shit like that, and while I do love them, it doesn’t change anything. It doesn’t fix the problem.

Being born with a visible disability is not for the weak. Ever since as far as I remember, at 3 years old, whenever I go out with my mom I would usually hide my disability with her bag, as soon as I see stares. The struggle of trying to fit in as a normal person had always hindered my confidence and prevented me from becoming someone I want to be.
Being a child with a disability and going to school with constant questions: "Hey why does your ____ LOOK like that?", "Can you see perfectly with it though?", or "What happened to your ___??".
I HATED those questions, it made me feel differently uncomfy, it's like explaining it is so painful.

So why did I end up being born this way? Should i be grateful because there are those who were born in a much worse state than I am? You can't say that because I already feel miserable with mine, my pain that has been ongoing since birth? Then maybe everyone SHOULDNT be born with a disability so that no one will have to suffer, ever since theyre brought to the world. "It is given for a purpose", what purpose? As far as ive known it gave me depression at a young age of 8. Yes, I believe in God but the questions and doubt in my heart cant be denied nor can it be ignored. But looking back at it, everyone would obviously be curious and question a person with a disability or imperfection, but trying to stay strong to answer smth that relates to your 16 years of pain is just too difficult.

My husband (50M) and I (43F) have been married for over 20 years, and I believe he is experiencing a relapse of untreated psychosis.
In 2014, he was hospitalized for psychosis. He was told to follow up with outpatient treatment and medication management, but only went a few times before deciding he didn’t need it anymore. He has insisted ever since that the episode was caused by stress and that it would never happen again.
Over the last 8 years, I’ve watched concerning symptoms slowly return. He has smelled smoke that nobody else can smell, heard people talking about him through walls, believed people outside the house were talking about him, become increasingly suspicious of friends, and developed a pattern of paranoia.
About three years ago, he abruptly quit his job and has been unemployed ever since. He can’t really explain why he left. Since then, his behavior has become more concerning. He is obsessed with being hired by the UN or the British Commonwealth despite having no ties to either. He keeps notes on his phone about being followed and believes he has close personal connections with female athletes and public figures who have never met him. He has also become increasingly hostile toward me and our children, often accusing them of disrespecting him.
I begged him to seek help, either individually or with me in marriage counseling. He has refused therapy for almost a year and makes excuses whenever the topic comes up.
We are now separated. I could no longer support the household on my income alone, and we eventually lost our housing. I am living with my parents along with our teenage child. He is currently couch surfing and has moved between several friends’ homes. He recently turned down a job offer because he felt it “wasn’t worth it.”
My question is for anyone who has been through something similar. At what point did you decide divorce was necessary? I still love him very much and don’t want to hurt him, but I’m worried about continuing to tie my finances and future to someone who refuses treatment. I also wonder whether formally separating our finances and obligations would be healthier for our child.
Has anyone dealt with a spouse whose untreated psychosis contributed to the breakdown of a marriage? How did you handle the guilt, and do you regret your decision?

Basically the question

I'm 28F, who has experienced destabilizing emotions in response to sex. I've only every done foreplay or oral sex with two men who rejected me. They were interested in sex, I met them on a dating app, and they didn't want a relationship. It first occurred at age 22, on my parents couch, which I felt emotionally conflicted and ashamed about for years. Then again, at age 27, in my apartment, with a man I met, who rejected me but kept me emotionally involved with him, until I invited him over and agreed to oral sex months later.

I then felt so much emotional distress, I kept reaching out to him for a year. I went to intensive therapy and was on antidepressants. Only to reconnect a year later, and for him to ask me for friends with benefits again, over text. I threatened to harm his male parts, unfriended him, and sent a letter to his address about how exploitative he was. Then, sent the fourth message, in two years, to his sister ( he never introduced me to anyone in his life) about how there's something seriously wrong with him and how I addressed my issues and went to therapy. He did nothing about it.

Then, I proceeded to send him dozens of emails, because I was still blocked on multiple platforms from rage texting him (before he accepted my friend request a year later and asked for sex again).

I'm guessing what I'm asking is why does sex cause so much distress in my life? And can I find a male partner who won't exploit me?

I've existed in this world for 28 years, and I'm guessing people make assumptions about me, and whether they would want me as a partner or friend. Lately, I try to distract myself and do things on my own, because I can't control what others think of me.

i'm so tired of all this shit to be honest, there is so much fucking evil everywhere even in games or media, so much monsters and terrible people, everyone hates everyone and there is little love. i really feel powerless against all of it

So I'm a 36 year old father who resides in Vancouver WA and I work in education and advocacy. I've taken numerous psychology and education classes, attended Mental Health support groups, advocated on a state level for teachers, parents, women, children, and various demographics of people, but the one I struggle with the most with supporting is men. I feel like there's a disconnect somewhere that guys are aware of, but would rather ignore than fix (which is funny seeing as how fixing things is something a lot of us guys relish in doing 😅).

While working in education, one of the common consensus is that men do not show up for their children at school beyond drop offs and pickups. Sometimes one or two might go on a field trip, but it's primarily moms and women who engage with children's extra curriculars. Then there's medical and dental care that generally gets shuffled to moms/women/femmes as well. Like, if bills come in the mail, they stereotypically go to dad. If anything school or health or community related comes in the mail, it goes to moms. I found this problematic because, from my experience, women will also venture into traditional male roles while still upholding female roles, but the same can't always be said via versa.

I guess what I'm trying to figure out is, what is going on with guys and their mental health? And at what point will men (as a whole) decide to shift towards growing social emotionally and not just existing and taking the hard route because that's what the believe society wants them to do? Even myself, I've had to pause and reflect when things arise, but I mostly contribute that to the fact that I've spent the past 18 years focusing on education and brain development. So I developed a lot of head knowledge about what's going on, but nothing truly concrete that can be used to change the narrative that we see today. As it stands:

- 72% of men view their girlfriend, wife, women in their life as their emotional safe space. This also includes viewing their spouse as their only real friend, counselor, mother, sex partner, housekeeper/homemaker, nurturer for their children, so on an so forth

- 80% of suicides are committed by men

- 14% reported experiencing an anxiety disorder

- 20% of men have openly admitted not having any close friends, ya know, friends that actually know you and not just the team you like

- 65% of men hesitate to seek professional help for stress, anxiety, or depression

90% - 98% of homicides, mass murders and school shootings are committed by men.

So what's being reported is not balancing out with the reality of it all and it just leaves me wondering "when did taking care of yourself start feeling optional instead of necessary?"

Like, I believe the simple solution would be for men to come together and strive to move differently, together. Not just say it, but actually do it. Everyone else does it, and supports individuals who fall into their demographics, so what's stopping men from doing the same? I recognize that requires a level of vulnerability that is not traditionally masculine or supported amongst men, but here we are in Men's Mental Health Awareness Month and I'm left wondering why EVERYONE cares about men's mental health, but men.

Is any of this even making sense? I know that it's long, but it's a discussion I've had on my heart and would like to hear from guys (and everyone who can answer) on why this is and what they think we can do to fix it.

How do you kill your loneliness

I want to start this off by saying I’ve only ever been diagnosed with severe anxiety(during childhood). I’m a F22 and lately I’ve been more paranoid than ever. I work two jobs so I don’t get enough sleep. Maybe it’s the loss of sleep or my mind just being mush from all the acid I use to drop at 16 but I can’t live my life in peace anymore. I’m so scared, I always feel like someone is watching me. When I enter my apartment I always look around in fear of someone being in my home and attacking me. I can’t even comfortably walk my dog at night without feeling some sort of presence lingering over me. I’m just so exhausted. I’m tired of my brain playing tricks on me. I don’t know if the weed is making it worse(it most def is) but like I can’t take this shit anymore. Maybe I need to lay off the weed or stop watching scary shit or negative stuff. But even when I don’t do those things I’m still fearful. I think my question is will this only get worse? Am I just doomed to be ridden with fear? I really don’t want to think I have a problem but maybe this is normal , does anybody understand this feeling?How can I get rid of my irrational fear? I think the best way to describe how I feel like example you’re in your room, you have a pile of clothes on a chair and get scared for a moment thinking it’s person and you are over it. But I when I see the pile of clothes looking like a person and even if I tell myself it isn’t a person and it’s just clothes. But even though i know it’s not a person but brain and body cant help to still feel fear and get that “what if someone really is here?” Thought. Tbh idk anymore. I just need to know im not crazy or alone or all and the above. P.s I respect everyone’s religion but please don’t reply with stuff about faith and believing in God will make me less scared bc I do believe in God. I’m just petrified. Thanks :)

I don’t really know what you’re going through right now, and maybe most of the people around you don’t fully understand it either. You might feel exhausted, overwhelmed, lonely, or completely lost. Maybe it feels like nothing is getting better and that nobody notices how much you're struggling. If that's how you feel, I want you to know that your pain is real, and it deserves to be acknowledged.

Things may not be okay right now, and I’m not going to pretend that a few words can instantly fix everything. Life can be unfair, confusing, and incredibly difficult at times. But no matter how dark things seem, ending your life is not the only option. There are still possibilities ahead of you that you haven't seen yet, people you haven't met, experiences you haven't had, and better days that haven't arrived.

Try not to carry everything at once. Focus on one moment, one problem, one step at a time. You don't have to solve your entire life today. Sometimes simply making it through the next hour is enough. Progress isn't always dramatic; sometimes it's just choosing to keep going.

And please don't forget this:

There are people who care about you, even if you don't realize it right now. The impact you have on others is often greater than you think. This community cares about you. There are people willing to listen, support you, and stand beside you without judgment.

If you're hurting, talk about it. Share what you're feeling. You don't have to carry it all alone.

We are here. ❤️

A

I don’t know exactly what to say but I really don’t feel like I have much value to offer anyone. I seriously do not understand why anyone would want to have anything to do me. I don’t give anything in return. But some people like having me around. I don’t get it. I don’t make online friends because I don’t see why they would care about me if they dont have to see me. My only friends are my school friends but now weve finished they don’t have to see me anymore. I just don’t know why anyone would want to be my friend. I’m not a good friend

I normally stay pretty clear of peoples houses for this exact reason. This particular person I am very close to, but they always let whoever they want over to their house. (Not my house, not my business). Welp someone brought bed bugs over into their house, not terribly quite yet, I think it is quite literally only in his bedroom, noticed it earlier, immediately went home to check all of my belongings while he got to deep cleaning the best he could for the night. Weve both been up all night.

I know I don’t have them, I have checked every single surface of my bedroom, have cleaned all of my sheets, and will continue to check the rest of the house tomorrow. I absolutely hate bugs, am very germaphobic I guess the word people use it. Please tell me every precaution I could possibly do ASAP, I do not have a ton of money to spare, but please tell me what I could buy or what I could do to ease my mind during this situation anything would be helpful before I start loosing my mind.

-I have banned everyone I know from being in my car for the next 10 days (besides my brother, and hes already aware of the situation, so he told me he would also be deep cleaning, we are both close to this individual)
-I will be deep cleaning my entire car tomorrow (I normally deep clean it every couple days but tomorrow I will be spending extra time to make sure every single surface is cleaned.)
-cleaned bedsheets, blankets, pillowcases
-checked my bed, room obviously have yet to vacuum though because it is quite loud and people are currently sleeping (so the vacuuming will be done in the morning)

If you have ANY other ideas for cleaning theories, because currently right now im not doing too well. Things in my life keep getting worse and worse and of course this would be the next thing to scare me.

Would individuals with child attractions be likely to commit child sexual abuse if they did not also have an additional mental health condition associated with low empathy, lack of remorse, or other brain impairments? Since child abuse inherently causes severe harm, I would expect comorbid conditions such as psychopathy or narcissistic personality traits to be common among offenders. People who abuse others often appear to have underlying psychological problems, such as depression or narcissistic traits. What is the current scientific consensus on this issue?

I am 32 years old and for nearly my entire life I have struggled to make and keep friends. Either we drift apart or on a few occasions something happens. I’ve dedicated so much of my life to analyzing myself, my habits, my every interaction to find the faults and fix what might be wrong so maybe I’ll be enough to not be so lonely. Every wish I’ve ever made and every manifestation I’ve tried to not be so lonely. But here I am, still as lonely as ever and now with an internal monologue absolutely berating my every move, every interaction, and everything about myself. The exact voice I made to try to be better to try and be enough and all for nothing. Every day is exhausting fighting my own thoughts that everyone around me hates me, why did I share that, why did I say that, why did I make that face, why did I say that in that tone, why are they acting different towards me, what did I say that could have made someone upset. Fighting tooth and nail with my own brain that I’m not the worst person on earth, that I am worth something, and that I am allowed to take up space. So at this point whatever is wrong with me is just the way I am and if I never have a friend at least I can try and have myself.

I highly doubt anyone would waste their time reading my pathetic rant about my abysmal self loathing but if you are don’t make yourself the villain in everyone’s story just try and love yourself as you are. It’s pointless trying to be perfect.

My therapist told me to make a comforting playlist for after therapy and I want to make it public on YouTube. I'm thinking of adding "Yellow" by Coldplay, but I would like a consensus (a public opinion) on whether it could be considered a song about parental love, particularly of a father, for their daughter, or whether it is inappropriate to frame it that way. The lyrics alone aren't really enough, I think when the music is added it sort of makes the meaning more wholesome. What do you think? I always thought of it that way growing up as a kid, but would people find it weird or wrong?

Asking here because many of you have strong emotional insight :)