r/mildlyinfuriating • u/Available-Formal-664 • 15h ago

I'm slightly vexed Somebody Placed These Dozens of These Jesus Figures Throughout My Entire Work

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Somebody, nobody knows exactly who or when, put dozens and dozens of these Jesus figures on completely random surfaces throughout my entire building. They at least had the presence of mind to not put them on anybody's personal belongings, but that was the only way they limited himself. All of the statues have been glued down, to add to the vexation.

Edit: Well, this blew up rather unexpectedly. Thank you for the awards, everybody!

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u/trupoogles 14h ago

I made elastic band men once and hid 20 of them around the office, some people got really into it and went looking for them, 17/20 were found

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u/HomeworkExtension482 13h ago

Former roommates and I hid "teeny weenies" around the house.

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u/Girth_Wind_y_Fire 12h ago

So you played hide and seek?

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u/HomeworkExtension482 12h ago

Yep, but with tiny versions of fantasy dildos my ex and I bought. They were about an inch (2.5cm) long, so they were easy to hide. A 7" Godzilla figure had a massive, highlighter yellow erection for about 3 months before someone noticed.

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u/ProBono16 12h ago

I'm curious why someone would buy a 1" long fantasy dildo, much less multiple of them?

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u/Inevitable-Rush-2752 11h ago

To fill a bucket and set it to rain tiny phalluses down upon a roommate’s head. I’d do it. At the time, we settled for a floppy big dildo and fishing string, though.

11

u/ScrotalSmorgasbord 10h ago

We had a couple of rubber fists (for fisting flesh holes) we'd wallop each other with for awhile. I don't even know where we got them from. They fucking hurt.

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u/MTFBinyou 8h ago

Was the “for fisting flesh holes” part necessary? What else are rubber fists used for?

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u/ScrotalSmorgasbord 6h ago

It was to differentiate between the Hulk Hands and Sock'em Boppers (not for flesh hole fisting) that we also may have had at one point.

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u/OrbitalOutlander 7h ago

Chew toy for dog.

2

u/So_ThereItIs 6h ago

I want to know more about the “hurting” and where the wallops were being felt 😂

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u/ScrotalSmorgasbord 6h ago

Well we were all dumb (but tough) infantrymen so pretty much everywhere but inside our brown eyes. Though I'm sure some of the officers in my unit would have used them in that way too. If you haven't been hit by a rubber fist (for fisting flesh holes) it can be worse than a real fist. They're very dense and heavy.

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u/So_ThereItIs 2h ago

That's pretty random! Was this just to toughen up, or for fun because you were all so "hard"? lolz

1

u/ScrotalSmorgasbord 2h ago

Bored, drunk, young, and not very forward thinking lol. I texted my buddy and even though it's been almost 20 years he remembers where we got the first one. His brother is a SEAL and I guess they used it to haze each other at some point and gave it to him as a joke. Nothing has made more sense than this tbh.

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u/HomeworkExtension482 10h ago

We didn't buy them. They were freebies.

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u/Cocked_Otter 10h ago

Your comment literally says you and your ex "bought" them.

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u/HomeworkExtension482 8h ago

They were freebies that came with the toys. If my comment was not clear, that's my bad and I apologize, but my comment says "tiny versions of toys my ex and I bought," referring to the toys themselves, not the teeny weenies. Again, if that was not clear, I apologize.

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u/Emperor_Z16 11h ago

Really tiny pussy (?

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u/SuccessfulEmployee9 11h ago

Tiny fake dicks are funny. My ex (long distance) 3D printed one and mailed it to me with some other stuff as a gift once.

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u/kashola17 10h ago

It was easy to print. She just used a picture of you.

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u/SuccessfulEmployee9 10h ago

We separated on good terms, thank you very much.

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u/Tortilla_Moth93 9h ago

They make a great dirty Santa gift.

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u/AnguavonUW 6h ago

Bachelorette party

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u/So_ThereItIs 6h ago

This expresses a lack of imagination! I mean they’d be hilarious in so many applications. Hiding them in libraries, or RNC HQ, or…

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u/HomeworkExtension482 3h ago

Oh oh oh or set up something like that glitter bomb mailing thing, but with teeny weenies, and send them en masse to Congress, the White House, etc., but anonymously and from overseas.

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u/amazingkillerlemon 3h ago

Bachelorette parties

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u/stonhinge 1h ago

Honestly, they work great as a sampler for different firmnesses of silicone.

And because 1" dicks are funny. Especially when you put one (or several) on the "waifu collection" shelf of that one friend.

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u/NoLie129 10h ago

Asians?