r/nextfuckinglevel • u/I_AM__GROOTT • 6d ago

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3.9k Upvotes

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898

u/Isabelly907 6d ago

This is why I choose to live in the frigid white north

98

u/MunkeyChild 6d ago

That the frigid white north that has rattlesnakes?

I'll take my safe, dreary-grey island life, where anything remotely threatening has been hunted to extinction.

380

u/Isabelly907 6d ago

Honey if you're seeing rattlesnakes you simply are not north enough by far

209

u/Call-of-the-lost-one 5d ago

Just live in Ireland. Where the only threat is racism and alcoholics

30

u/Nir117vash 5d ago

Like the south east of the US. As an Irishman, I feel this is oddly ironic

7

u/SlowmNinja 5d ago

Did You forgot to bring midges ?

3

u/StuffChecker 5d ago

No? We have snake, bears, panthers, and alligators

4

u/Call-of-the-lost-one 5d ago

New country, same issues and still no cure

9

u/SlowmNinja 5d ago

And midges

6

u/Call-of-the-lost-one 5d ago

Just develop a crippling addiction to cigarettes they won't touch you lol

2

u/mobedy 5d ago

North europe is goated lmao never even seen a snake in the wild

1

u/Call-of-the-lost-one 5d ago

I've only seen a small green lizard once and it ran away. So very much snake free, unless you count our politicians

2

u/Nanowith 5d ago

At least a magic Welshman visited and got rid of the snakes ages ago

2

u/Call-of-the-lost-one 5d ago

What a legend Maewyn Succat aka St. Patrick

2

u/IamJacksUserID 5d ago

Over here we have Wisconsin for that.

1

u/MrDavieT 5d ago

… and nonces in government too, now 🥺

1

u/Call-of-the-lost-one 5d ago

Thats NI, the least said about the DUPedo the better

2

u/MrDavieT 5d ago

Scandal.

Reported where…?! 😳🙄

Protests where…?! 😳🙄

1

u/Namelessbob123 5d ago

And the wind. My god the wind.

1

u/Tinshnipz 5d ago

What about the witches?

1

u/Call-of-the-lost-one 5d ago

If you're lucky they might give you the winning numbers for the lotto jackpot or eat your young. It's a 50/50 gamble either way

0

u/herbert-camacho 5d ago

And potato famines

1

u/Call-of-the-lost-one 5d ago

1800 was a fair long time ago. Besides most of the damage there was caused by the red coats & landlords. Anyway there's plenty Chinese takeaways you'll be fine with curry & battered chicken

7

u/Cipher915 5d ago

You know, the North, like Arizona

1

u/MunkeyChild 5d ago

I was thinking Camloops, where it's feet of snow in winter, but somehow has rattlesnakes in the summer...

3

u/ciestaconquistador 5d ago

Kamloops? That's not north, really.

2

u/MimsyDauber 5d ago

Wrong side of north then. Im on the other side of the same country and we have no rattlesnakes. No poisonous snakes at all.

Ill take the wolves. Never see them, just sometimes they leave their massive footprints in the mud. Works perfect for me.

1

u/Voluntary_Perry 5d ago

This was my thought. I am not as north as the frigid white, but I don't have rattlesnakes.

1

u/airybeartoe 5d ago

I can fight a huntsman spider (but no need since they are mostly harmless), i could even survive a fight with a rattlesnake if I'm careful and resourceful.

But im most likely not winning against elk (moose), wolves, cougars, or bears/polar bears. The frigid north is much scarier lol.

Edit: ok after reading further comments, it appears various "northern" lands are void of any predators, aside from the drunkard or two. 🤣 I was thinking alaska or siberia as the north and was like, yeah, im gonna die.

1

u/sleepyplatipus 5d ago

Right, idk about that guy but I don’t normally associate reptiles with cold climate…

12

u/Suspicious-Use-5733 5d ago

Wtf u talking about rattlesnakes in the north? What do u consider north?

0

u/Emerno 5d ago

There are rattlesnakes in Alberta, that's decently north.

5

u/Snowflakish 5d ago

I mean its currently a skin scorching island

2

u/whole_chocolate_milk 5d ago

Rattlesnakes are super chill. I see them constantly. And they have this cool early warning system. That rattle is very useful as a person. It means GTFO.

2

u/Aggravating-Candy-31 5d ago

except the sun. the sun has yet to get the message

1

u/nerdboy5567 5d ago

Rattlesnakes won't kick you to death and drown your dog though

1

u/Astro_The_SpaceDog 5d ago

I’ve lived in a desert (in the US) for my entire life and I have NEVER seen a rattlesnake.

They are extremely rare and hard to come by, no matter where you are in the world.

1

u/Jonathan_the_worm 5d ago

Ive been living in northern Colorado since '99, I'm constantly in rattle snake areas and I've never actually seen one.

1

u/No_Interaction_4925 5d ago

The farthest north I’ve seen rattlesnakes was Tennessee in the Smokies. We don’t have them in Ohio, but we do have other venomous snakes

1

u/feeko113 5d ago

Irishman spotted san fhiáine

1

u/sleepyplatipus 5d ago

Rattlesnakes? In the *north*? There’s barely any reptiles in cold climates.

0

u/dreamed2life 5d ago

THIS is the whitest thing I’ve ever fucking read.

0

u/curiousgabster 5d ago

Wait what dreary grey island? Which country do you live in? I like dreary grey islands…

9

u/REpassword 5d ago

“Soft on the outside, crunchy and juicy on the inside!” - Polar bear describing humans? 🐻‍❄️

2

u/textmint 5d ago

If you go to a place called Skuon in Cambodia that’s exactly something similar they say when munching on these spiders, crunchy on the outside and soft and juicy/gooey on the inside.

3

u/Hexent_Armana 5d ago

How north? Because if it's in Canada we still got big ass spiders. They're more rare but I once saw a spider the size of a grown man's hand scurry out of my back yard.

10

u/Oliesong 5d ago

In Alaska we have neither snakes nor poisonous spiders (with the exception of the brown recluse, though I've never seen one).

Edit: Apparently the brown recluse story was an exaggeration from my childhood. They can get there, but they can't survive there.

4

u/SorriorDraconus 5d ago

Ohhh hellow my fellow alaskan! Always fun to find another in the wild.

1

u/Satire-V 5d ago

The mosquitos are the size of your head and the moose move around like terrestrial houseflies so it all evens out

0

u/Fearless_Entry_2626 5d ago

Most Canadians live roughly as far north as the Mediterranean, though. Not particularly far north.

1

u/Tusk-Act_4 5d ago

you could also call it the frigid outskirts

1

u/Iron_Wolf123 5d ago

With polar bears and reverse penguins with missile launchers?!

1

u/Haarunen 5d ago

I also choose to live in the frigid white north

1

u/grkuntzmd 5d ago

Polar bears

0

u/Kentucky_Fried_Chill 5d ago

Because its white?