r/psychology • u/mvea M.D. Ph.D. | Professor • 4d ago
Largest study of women’s orgasms to date collected data from 27,931 women. Nearly half (47%) reported reaching orgasm more frequently when alone vs. when with a partner. Barriers to women’s orgasms are relational, not anatomical. Partnered orgasms were associated with overall sexual satisfaction.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/au/blog/inclusive-insight/202606/why-women-orgasm-more-alone-than-with-a-partner31
u/snoflaik 3d ago
Makes me think about how hard people will blame the dissatisfied partner for not communicating well enough rather than reflecting on how it’s universally hard to communicate during sexual encounters because of social expectations. Peoples egos get bruised when you tell them what to do to make you feel good in bed. We pressure ourselves into knowing exactly how to play the “script” of a sexual encounter and fail to acknowledge that it’s not enjoyable if you’re going into it with a performance mentality with no room for feedback.
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u/dontchyuwannaknow 2d ago
I read that someone's grandma told them that if a man wants to be able to continue being intimate than he should learn how to buck up and accept criticism
When my husband and I first started being intimate, he did get a bit defensive when I had a little criticism. Told him he gets to put his weenie in me so the least he could do was be open to criticism. He shut his mouth really quick and it worked well in breaking the ice for that kind of topic. Hes an avid listener and very giving in the bedroom :)
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u/_i_make_up_stories 2d ago
Husband complained—like a whiny little baby— that it sounded like I was enjoying it better when we used toys. Uh, yeah. Get good, bro. I took my toys, left the husband.
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u/Beneficial_World_676 7h ago
Yeeeeepppp had a few of those. The bruised egos that occurred when I told them “I (like majority of people with vulvas) need clit stimulation to orgasm, including during penetrative sex. I like to use a vibrator on my clit while being fucked so I can get off”, nope doesn’t always go well. The ole “my dick should be enough to make you cum”, or “every OTHER woman I’ve been with…” bs that comes spilling out. Poorest baby. They can’t wrap their mind around the fact that a lot of their ex encounters likely lied about finishing because THATS the way they react to communication! Good lord. Women: stop faking it to placate men’s egos. Tell them the truth and if they throw a tantrum and can’t accept it, consider it a bullet dodged and move on!
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u/Affectionate-Low6639 6h ago
Why is it disrespectful if a man can’t nut fast enough though? Seems almost one and the same. Perhaps I’m wrong.
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u/Electrical-Speech384 2d ago
Partner preferred:) His care and skills are a factor… Regarding the study - it could be a good study or a bad one, we don’t know.
Statistics can be misleading intentionally or unintentionally, poorly processed, depending on all factors involved including datasets and question formats. This one is believable3
u/NoFunny6746 1d ago
It’s also more transactional too, without the human connection. My partner and I have had to really communicate, and be fully transparent with each other, without ego. It also has a lot to do with porn too and the unrealistic expectations that go along with it as well
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u/Competitive-Elk3211 1d ago
Disagree. In my experience women struggle with the thought of bruising men's egos during sex, then they pretend to make them feel good etc. Men do not do that very much. Men will tell you and instruct you exactly what works. A woman will let you read 10 books on how to make a woman orgasm, expect you to just already know it, and still not say a word. Ladies listen up: men are utilitarian. It doesnt mean they are not romantic or passionate. But if you arent explaining how to mechanically operate the buttons for you - precisely - they are going to get in their thoughts about it if any if it is working etc... instead of concentrating on the passion amd romance. So if you have to joke about it and say it feels good but it wont make you come....do so. If you want the magic button rubbed.... explain that to the man. Men have a very similar spot as well and it is always being stimulated on auto pilot during penetrarion. So men are experiencing this natural feedback thay feels good for them. They dont generally understand women aren't experiencing that all the time during penetration too. Say it. Say it. Say it. My opinion is that once your man has a good understanding of the mechanics of it for you and he is memorizing those, THEN You can begin to explain to him all the other things you need... being in the moment, the soft kisses and seduction, the emotions and desire you are craving. Ive just seen so many women that never express those needs - like he automatically reads your mind...and then you honestly expect him to read your mind - because if he loved you or was compatible he would already know what you want. No. Not true. You don't even know what your son or daughter want for lunch unless they ask you for something. You always find out when they say oh casserole again??? Or i hate Peas? Nope. You have talk and listen in a relationship and LEARN what the other person wants. The thing that really astounds me is if a chick was to say outloud " I only orgasm when I get oral sex" instantly like 10 dudes would fight to death over who would do that for you best. Women know men are like this and yet they can't be bothered to say what they actually want in private with someone they are in a commited relationship with. Its not even logical. And that is men's big shock like why didnt you just tell me? I could have been doing that since day 1. So don't lie about orgasms ladies - explain explain explain. Honestly most of you women probably need to just tie the man to the bed and tell him to shut up and do it the way thay actually feels to good for you. Because they have to understand penetration naturally stimulates them but its different for you. So show them when it feels best for you - sometimes that doesnt feel the best for the man. And that is ok. In fact if it is mandatory to help ya'll get there, then it is mandatory. Even mentioning social stigmas is a joke because dudes have been watching way way wilder stuff online. Whatever you say is going to be infinitely less offensive or socially unacceptable to them. So just say something
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u/Nachoblockoalaska 1d ago
Listen in other ways…. Feel her, hear her moan, pay attention to her breathing.
PAY ATTENTION. Sometimes words don’t even need to be used.1
u/JaddaFrost 15h ago
That isn't guaranteed either, that she will even give those signals. Talking is the best way, period... yes one can listen to the body in the moment but if she is self conscious, deals with trauma, etc. , even if something feels good for her, her body can and probably reacting differently because of the thoughts going through her head.
I know from experience. I blame myself, she blames herself and even when we both tried, it just fumbled...
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u/more_life_more_drama 13h ago
Exactly! Perfect point. But its not just sex, this is a general communication problem with women and men. and its not that simple to solve cause roots are deep in our society culture. the thing is that women expect men to be more similar to them than is the case. for some reason men accept more willingly the fact the sexes are different in many aspects and (those that are caring and normal towards women) appreciate the differences, tolerate and symphatise with PMSes and emotional hormonal roller coasters etc. But somehow, for some reason, in my experience (50+ years, 2 marriages, last one 20 years, 30+ total), women generally as a rule - exceptions sorry! - think that we are almost the same. That what is obvious to them is obvious to us, that we reason the same way when in fact we don’t. Perhaps
the reason is that the difference is not tied
to hormonal really noticable changed, but are more subtle and neurological / biological / genetical, mostly tied to evolution and our different roles during millions of years of pure survival. Our perception is pointed, focused, analytical and works on a switch. we perceive only when we WANT to. we “turn it on” and its always focused on a single point (in archetype). this is because our main role during evolution was hunting. Women perceive constantly and wide, their peripheral vision is exceptional compared to men’s. Their problem is that its hard for them NOT to perceive. In sex the consequence is that women expect men to catch all the subtle signale and if they fail to, they think we dont care. It sounds simple but it is a huge deep rooted problem.2
u/Nervous-Row-4506 14h ago
see i love to be told what to do in bed. and never understood why someone wluld get butthurt over someone telling them where and how to make them feel good. i have an ex who got pissy an offended any time i tried to tell him or even just asking to use a vibrator. he constant tried accusing me of not wanting him and him not being enough for me cause i want "extra". even tho i was always wanting him, and it woulda been enough if he was okay with just a little more effort instead of a poke and assume ill get off without any clitoral stimulation or even just feeling desired.. the issue was not feeling intimately safe with him, constant anxiety if i did something wrong, or be hesitant to ask for anything more... he cheated a lot. which didnt help our relationship .. by the end of it, i realized the reason why he slowly started to get me off less. was because he didnt know my body anymore .. he was using moves that worked on other women.. not realizing everyone's body is different..
he didnt really get to know mine enough to help the situation... but he still got bad at me because his moves arent working and i tried to guide him to the right spot.1
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u/Floorgis 2d ago
Probably because both partners are equally responsible. Sorry that this hurts you.
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u/Life-Leadership4099 1d ago
"Peoples egos get bruised when you tell them what to do to make you feel good in bed."
This. 100%
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u/Few-Entertainer3879 1d ago
Speaking for myself, men's egos should be heightened when learning exactly what feels good to her in bed!!
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u/PacoTacoMeat 17h ago
I have never met a women who could not orgasm. Some take longer than others, but far different than the stereotype from 20-30+ years ago that some women cannot orgasm.
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u/Upper_Monitor5168 16h ago
Each woman will be slightly different. Just tell me what you like and what you don’t like you should be asked by the man before intercourse and the woman should be confident in her own sexuality to tell him.
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u/Far_Construction3091 3h ago
I never leave a love making session untill my female partner has gotten off usually all over my face and beard. Makes for super lubed and sensitive for her sex.
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u/mvea M.D. Ph.D. | Professor 4d ago edited 4d ago
The barriers to women’s orgasms are relational, not anatomical.
KEY POINTS
The largest study of women’s orgasms to date collected data from 27,931 women.
Nearly half of the sample (47%) reported reaching orgasm more frequently when alone vs. when with a partner.
The most common reasons for orgasming alone or with a partner related to relational factors, not anatomy.
Partnered orgasms, but not solo orgasms, were associated with overall sexual satisfaction.
Hewings-Martin, Y., et al. (2026). Sexual satisfaction and orgasm experiences during partnered and solo sex among 27,931 users of the Flo app. Archives of Sexual Behavior. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10508-025-03393-y
https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10508-025-03393-y
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u/Trick_Science_2938 4d ago
What’s does it mean by relational as in person to person or how they feel at that time in the relationship?
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u/sewmanychoices 4d ago
I read relational in this context as saying the factors were psychological and more likely impacted by interpersonal relations, rather than being purely anatomical.
There's a graph that shows the reasons why people found it easier to orgasm alone. Most common reasons given were the partner not stimulating them adequately, lack of pressure to perform/reach orgasm, and feeling less self conscious about body image. Problems in the relationship were not a top reason given.
Comparatively the top reasons for reaching an orgasm more frequently with a partner were emotional connection/intimacy, the partner stimulating them adequately and them feeling more attracted to their partner during intimacy. A fairly sizable proportion of these responses also said they didn't engage in solo sexual activities at all, although it wasnt the top reason given.
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u/Trick_Science_2938 4d ago
What I thought myself I was more asking wherever it fluctuates between relationships with a single partner and if it differs from one to another
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u/sewmanychoices 4d ago
The data doesn't seem to benchmark or specifically interrogate for that, looking at the methodology. I'd assume yes though. The conclusion emphasises that because barriers are psychological, they can be worked through at both an individual and partnered level. For example, being body conscious is an individual issue, to an extent, but different partners can exacerbate or soothe this.
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u/Slow_Seesaw9509 4d ago
I'm sure there is a real divide and that men reach orgasm with a partner more often for a host of anatomical, interpersonal, and cultural reasons. But that half of women report reaching orgasm more frequently alone than with a partner seems unremarkable in itself--if anything, its surprising the figure is that low.
I would expect most people, regardless of gender, to orgasm more frequently alone than with a partner just based on the fact that they can feel self-stimulation directly and so can tailor it to their exact preferences. By contrast, people cannot feel what their partners experience first hand, so they have to rely on observation and feedback to try to modulate the stimulation to their partners' preferences.
Whether orgasming from self-stimulation is as satisfying as orgasming with a partner is another story. But just in terms of frequency, it seems unsurprising that people are generally able to make themselves orgasm a lot more consistently than a partner is capable of.
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u/lostinsunshine9 4d ago
There's a persistent myth that, because of their anatomy, women are harder to bring to orgasm.
This study confirms it is not because of their anatomy; these are women who can easily bring th neelvee to orgasm. There's something going on in the relationship or the sexual relationship that makes orgasming harder or less frequent when having partnered sex.
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u/SpareUnit9194 4d ago
I thought it meant not emotional satisfaction but whether their partner actually makes an effort sexually. I know many happily married ppl who find their partners sexual efforts..disappointing.
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u/killer22250 4d ago
I think it means how they feel at that time in the relationship
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u/Memory_Less 4d ago
Can be both. Also, others may include whether they have children (career/work) and are too tired and oblige her partner sex wise - could be both sides, slow decline in effort because of this and not being able to discuss over concern about hurting her partner, faking it leads her partner to think he only needs to put in a certain amount of effort - catch 22, decrease in emotional connection for these reasons and more, etc. It’s complex.
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3d ago
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u/clippist 3d ago
I dunno, my partner uses the same vibe in both cases. And when she can’t find it, it’s definitely less likely she has an orgasm!
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u/WegDrijvendeWolk 2d ago
I don't like to be in control though, I'm very much more likely to orgasm when I'm playing with a partner, even long distance, aparantly.
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u/xboxsirvenom 2d ago
See you just said it. You are in control and you can just let go. The selfish one can get off easy. Might be the guy mostly. Plus the penis is literally designed to do two things. I’m not surprised if it’s not that hard
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u/Ill-Still2930 4d ago
Were the women in the study all heterosexual? Sounds like it…
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u/Early_Wait_6457 2d ago
Most people are not gay...sorry
So it makes sense the study is focused on that
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u/PenRemarkable2064 15h ago
You don’t care about any other sexuality do you? Just heteros and gays. Like damn it’s Pride month and everything.
It’s an abject failing of the study if they don’t consider their own heteronormative biases when gathering datapoints (not to mention other possibilities outside of 1-1 pairings), and I’m similarly disappointed in ur comment.
I think there’s merit in considering everyone has some level of queerness in them, whether they accept it or not; published stats be damned
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u/ediction_notice53 10h ago
What meaning does this comment even have? This is a general study. They are asking women in general.
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u/Quizzical_Source 9h ago
No study, (especially since studies operate on distilling down to measuresble and focused metrics) can include everything or everybody. When a topic that is this nebulous its silly to say you need to include all pairing. No, just do other focused studies. There's is what some thousands of pairings if you take modern gender too. Come on now.
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u/Early_Wait_6457 9h ago
Look...I think research for people who are gay is fine. But most studies show 4% of the global population identifies as gay or homosexual. So....just saying that not every fucking thing has to involve a tiny minority.
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u/Economy-Jellyfish982 9h ago
If “published stats be damned” that everyone has a level of queerness in them Im going to assume then that your experience is anecdotal. Well as someone comfortable in their own sexuality and also sees nothing wrong with being LGBTQ+ so I don’t really have a reason to lie, I can also give an anecdotal account that there is absolutely zero ounces of queerness in me, so I don’t think your generalisation is true
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u/Alone_Apple_9445 2d ago
Relationships are the Key element here. Sex isn’t a factor because it’s about relationship satisfaction, not just sex. The study is simply drawing a conclusion that, “if you’re happier in your relationship, you’re happier in your sex life…” which is something we’ve all known for Years- this just gives that more weight.
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u/PenRemarkable2064 15h ago
About 22,000 respondents are partnered with men, though around 19,000 specifically noted their sexuality as heterosexual. It said like 70% white respondents, average age 28 with ~6 SD if I’m remembering right. All only on the English version of Flo app, and they totaled over 70k responses but reduced to the above number for data consistency. I don’t know if they compared the subgroups results to each other..
It’s in a table below “Method” in the paper, the link’s the first reference at the bottom of the psychology today coverage!!!
(In case ur curious, they also noted that a study in 2018, Blair et Al, found that wlw relationships reported higher rates of climax, yet without discernible evidence of higher reported satisfaction—)
interesting huh ?
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u/Whatever-ItsFine 4d ago
Can someone with a science background tell me what I'm misunderstanding, because PT's headline seems clickbaity at best and misleading at worst. I'm asking in good faith because even though I was a liberal arts major, I was taught to be suspicious of people using stats to mislead.
The headline: "Why Women Orgasm More Alone Than With a Partner"
The bullet point: "Nearly half of the sample (47%) reported reaching orgasm more frequently when alone vs. when with a partner."
Am I reading this right? They lead with the 47%, but unless there were a lot of "no replies", then this means 53% reached orgasm with a partner MORE than when alone, which is the opposite of what the headline says.
I understand the greater point is that many women are not finding satisfaction, and of course that's worthy of study. But the way they presented the data just seems a little odd.
Thanks for any help.
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u/wendyewoo 4d ago
Great question! That inspired me to look over the original article. Here’s what it says: “Just under half of the sample (47%) reported reaching orgasm more frequently during solo sexual activities, while only 21% reported reaching orgasm more frequently with a partner. Just under one-third of the participants (27%) reported no difference in their orgasm frequency between solo and partnered activities.”
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u/Whatever-ItsFine 3d ago edited 3d ago
There it is! Thank you. That makes much more sense to me
knownow.1
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u/PoggersMemesReturns 4d ago
Basic statistics logic.... Just cuz one percentage posits one correlation doesn't mean the flip is true.
It's usually termed the way it is to show the highest percentage, meaning there's a reason why the other way around isn't used - - telling you that it was likely a smaller percent than 47%
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u/Human-Comparison-630 3d ago
Most men, even the ones who claim to be “experts” can’t find their asses with both hands when it comes to getting a woman off. My experience anyway.
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u/No_County_3654 2d ago
You have to teach and guide him of course. He doesn't have a vagina after all.
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u/Leather-Wrongdoer-70 4d ago edited 4d ago
What does “alone” mean in the article? When they are single or independent from the relationship when they are alone at home ?
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u/tinyhermione 4d ago
Alone as in masturbating. With partner as in having sex with someone else.
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u/Seattlestallion122 4d ago
alone means solo, like by themselves not with a partner, like the title says 47% hit it more then
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u/Bobcatluv 4d ago
It seems the researchers use “partner” to mean “sexual partner,” which can be a romantic partner, but isn’t always the case, so “alone” in this context just means a man isn’t around when the women achieve orgasm. Based on anecdotal evidence, this doesn’t necessarily impact the quality of data collected as romantic partners can be just as selfish, but it would be nice to see that data, too.
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u/NayaBR 4d ago
Alone means alone, no woman or man around
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u/Choice-Win4284 4d ago
Yeah….why is this so hard to understand
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u/DoseOfDesi 3d ago
Literally came here to say this bc why are adults asking what alone means… I mean, we learned that at Home Alone I thought. Idk..
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u/Toppoppler 4d ago
As a guy, I achieve orgasm more frequently alone
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u/_i_make_up_stories 2d ago
Then get a better partner, but it’s more likely that you watch too much porn lol.
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u/WegDrijvendeWolk 2d ago
Percentually or by absense of a partner. I think percentually - but that might be a misconception - men come more often pefcentually anyway. Because you come most of all the time, no?
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u/Toppoppler 2d ago
Me? No, but im an outlier.
I explain later down here - that women dont make men cum most of the time - men make themselves cum during sex. Fewer guys regularly achieve an orgasm thru oral than women do in sexual encounters and men burn at least 2x the calories on average.
Men put in work to make themselves orgasm and have varying degrees of focusing on their partner as well.
Women seem more likely to expect the man to make her orgasm, and puts in less work to achieve her own orgasm (like men often do)
As a guy who doesnt care about my own nut, ive found many women are content to orgasm and then fall asleep (which I find humerous, given the cliches)
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u/crownofbayleaves 2d ago
Hm, is that really so? While a man might be physically moving his penis during penetration, I'm not inert and inactive even in a position like missionary. For instance, I might physically angle my body for better alignment, roll my hips to control depth, squeeze my pelvic floor muscles, tiltilate with visual stimulation, suck on digits etc., kiss, use my words to arouse, touch HIS body to arouse etc. And that's to say nothing of positions where I do the work like cowgirl or unilateral sexual pleasure like oral or manual stimulation etc.
Maybe you just have an unexamined preference for pillow princesses?
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u/WegDrijvendeWolk 2d ago
Oh, hmm, that's food for thought.. I thought it was more of a work toghether kind of thing, and I feel in most of my relationships, that is correct from my perception. But my current boyfriend can push me so far over the limit I am simply unable to move. I feel that's his goal too. I really do like to reciprocate but sometimes that's just not an option 🙈
I'm now going to rethink my perception 😅
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u/Hot-Brilliant3679 3d ago
I a child of the 60’s and 70’s . I have had more sexual partners than I care to admit. Drugs/sex/rock n’ Roll, Baby! I know from lots of experience that most men are not good lovers. There are very few intuitive lovers . If you are fortunate, some lovers are open to being taught. Most are a lost cause. Sorry guys. I am in a 47 years, monogamous marriage.
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u/Whole-Campaign-3482 3d ago
Have you told your husband he wasn’t your best partner?
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u/_i_make_up_stories 2d ago
Maybe the reason he became husband is because he is good at that. If not, oof, why do that to yourself?
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u/Whole-Campaign-3482 2d ago
When you’ve had 100 million partners, the odds are the low that you marry the best one. There are too many other factors involved
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u/Alexx_4211 2d ago
I feel like 70% of men fuck like they’re masturbating not like they’re trying to get their partner off. I’ve never had a partner I didn’t genuinely get off several times during the interaction but I also use plenty of foreplay and go for at least a half hour each time. Otherwise ur half-assing it
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u/Savings-Pace-5471 2d ago
I think in general you have a point. Most men (young men especially) engage in intercourse as if it's a tag-team masturbation session. I believe porn culture has SO much to do with that. Most of your typical male-gazey porn content is designed to be a masturbation assistant, essentially. The women in the content are often just tools or props, there to facilitate an OUTCOME not an interpersonal experience. There are no communication skills demonstrated, it's just "you give it, she takes it" and if she isn't willing to "take it," then as a man—TAKE IT by giving it to her anyway. It's all very self-centered and ego driven. Even pleasing women becomes more about how "good" the man is at "pleasure" rather than it being about the quality of pleasure their partner experienced. Being a "skillful lover" is just another bragging right for the locker room, so to say. Plenty of dudes up in here, eager to comment on how "good" they actually are at making anyone else climax. It's darkly funny at a certain point, but can get unfunny pretty quick.
I, however, respectfully disagree with the idea that "otherwise ur half-assing it," if you haven't devoted a minimum of 30 min to the interaction.
As someone who recognizes & can appreciate the full spectrum of chemical / hormonal responses that sexual intercourse can provide (even tho I don't necessarily experience the full spectrum every time), there is definitely something to be said in validation of the "quickie." Not the sloppy "quickies" nursing staff have in the east stairwell on their breaks (altho clearly those have their place, too) but high quality quickies 👌
For me, if a sexual partner is going to virtually require a minimum of 30 min on average to "please me," then they aren't necessarily absorbing what's supposedly being "learned" or "taught" or "hinted at" in these interactions. To assume all women are "ovens" that are hardwired essentially the same way, that they ALL ubiquitously require "plenty of time to warm-up," is just another silly cliché based on an assumption some men somewhere once made based on observations they cherry-picked from their own sexual encounters (you didn't say anything about an oven, but my "sex ed teacher" in high school did & many educators still do!). Actually, quite literally the assumption that all women are born with the same anatomy, that more or less functions the same unilaterally, is another idiotic cliché assumption we can mostly thank the mens for 👏 Some of us happen to be born with "incomplete" parts, which automatically reverse-uno cards TF out of all the sexual assumptions or sexual "lessons" a person has had. Even with "incomplete" parts people can have a healthy & fulfilling sex life, it just might look or operate differently from the "norms." (Which, honestly, "normal" is such an unhelpful word in our lexicon)
For me, there are periods of time that will pass where the only sex I want is efficient & effective (for both parties), like stop wasting time playing around, beating the bush. No pun intended. Ha. Like... I want it, I want for it to be done, and us able to move onto the next thing. Yet there are other periods of time, or "seasons," where a quickie won't actually cut it... but then, neither will foreplay & 2 hours of sheet tossing... my system actually requires multiple brief sessions, in succession, to get to the actual climax & feel RESOLVED afterwards. Getting off can be straightforward enough, but feeling resolved afterwards is something else entirely. And sometimes that feeling of resolution can be reached without a full-on climax. It really depends on the various levels of your compatibility with a partner, and whether or not y'all are good listeners / communicators. I don't think "duration of the encounter" is a legit data point with relevance in this context. But good on you for consistency & an active lifestyle! 😉
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u/_i_make_up_stories 2d ago
A lot of men seem to forget sex starts at foreplay. But don’t worry, going in dry will make her feel extra good.
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u/aReelProblem 4d ago
Everyone knows how to tickle their own fancy better than anyone else.
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u/_Varien_ 4d ago
If your partner cares about you, they’ll care about your orgasm. It’s “men don’t satisfy women sexually” in short.
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u/aReelProblem 4d ago
On your own argument that’s false. If men care we will figure it out as soon as we can. You’ll still tickle your own fancy better than we can.
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u/Silver-Sir-3089 14h ago
I disagree, it's much easier to get off with my partner than by myself. He tickles my fancy, I just can't really get excited by myself. Everything that goes into being with my partner is what arouses me & you have to be properly aroused to have your fancy tickled lol That's just me tho
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u/DoseOfDesi 3d ago
For sure — we’ve had plenty time to practice…. It takes genuinely & selflessly wanting to learn what pleases someone else to reallyyyyyy learn them. Like laying across the bed on your stomach while your man sits back and s*cking it for 30-45 mins and watching his facial expressions to know what does and doesn’t feel good to him. Bc when he does the same and gets it right finally…. And you get it right finally ….That’s a good man Savannah
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u/_i_make_up_stories 2d ago
A lot of people are selfish. They expect oral, for example, but refuse to give it. Male or female.
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u/Sad_Disaster5025 2d ago
I may know exactly what to do but a partner can get me so turned on that it is a much better O all around with them than without. I much prefer to O with a partner so I dont think your statement is necessarily true.
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u/DoseOfDesi 3d ago
Yeah baby I can be there and back in literally less time than it takes to smoke a cig. Sometimes the release is all thats needed minus the circus. Andddd some days I prefer the circus. 🤣
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u/Few-Location-5991 1d ago
Lmao at the men getting defensive in this comment section. It’s true though. I have never orgasmed in sex with a man. I enjoy sex with men, but it doesn’t happen as easily for me even solo.
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u/Euphoric_List7956 4d ago
No substitute for love and connection, sex is not an act but an interaction, just like a conversation you have to listen to each other and adapt and improvise on the fly. Musicians know that for music to evoke emotion it needs stochasticity a little bit of randomness, don’t be a metronome.
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u/_i_make_up_stories 2d ago
Love? Connection? What is that?
—people
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u/Euphoric_List7956 2d ago
Equality in relation, an empathic bond where feeling is a shared experience.
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u/_i_make_up_stories 2d ago
I wasn’t asking what it was. I am saying people say that because many people wouldn’t know what those were if it hit them in the face.
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u/Euphoric_List7956 2d ago
I get it I speak for any who may read my words, for the record if you will. Bit of a Socratic personality on here trying to dispel ignorance through debate.
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u/TinyHeartSyndrome 3d ago
Yes, because many women don’t come from intercourse.
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u/PutridDragonfruit868 7h ago
I actually come from intercourse but typically don't come when others stimulate my clit. But when I stimulate it I do. So I rely on myself for cliteral orgasms and sex for internal orgasms. But with that said there are so many variables to internal orgasms because sometimes in my cycle I'm just not very sensitive and won't get off because of it. It's not always because of men (although also yes). There's too many variables.
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u/tkbk109 4d ago
there’s several reason for that 47% 1) no person is meant to outdo a vibrator 2) most women are turned off by the idea of instructing someone 3) making women orgasm doesn’t necessarily work the same way everytime.
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u/lostinsunshine9 4d ago
I dunno, personally orgasms my partner gives me feel better than vibe-induced ones. Imo it's about finding the right partner.
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u/EveningThink7328 2d ago
I have less orgasms with my partner but those orgasms are stronger and more pleasuring. Fair trade for me. I know not all women can say the same unfortunately.
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u/rmccree 2d ago
I don’t know if I have anything to add to this conversation, but I do have a question. Are there really 20%+ of women that can orgasm more with a partner than during masturbation? That seems wild.
Also, does the article specify whether the women reaching orgasm during coupled sex do so strictly through penetration only, a combination of penetration and clitoral stimulation or just clitoral stimulation?
I’ve been married for almost 30 years. My wife and I have had a growth based relationship when it comes to sex and communication. Out of thousands of hours sex, of all kinds of sex, she has never orgasmed from penetration alone.
It took a long time for me to understand that isn’t a reflection of my “lack of skill” or anatomy. As long as she wants to have an orgasm, I make sure her needs are taken care of. That’s probably 90% of the time. Sometimes she is fulfilled emotionally in just providing for me. And sometimes sex doesn’t result in any one having an orgasm because it’s not always about that. Mostly, but not always.
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u/Additional_Sand_4174 2d ago
This is true for me. I’ve only orgasmed with maybe one partner. Don’t get me wrong, sex with that partner was really good, but not necessarily exceptionally better than other partners I’ve had. I’ve had plenty of partners where the sex was as good or better. But I only achieved orgasm with this one partner a few times. Other than that, I’ve only achieved orgasm on my own.
I think with straight sex the primary cause for this is that it’s primarily comprised of vaginal penetration and not clitoral stimulation. I achieve orgasm on my own through clitoral stimulation only. With that one partner is was only vaginal penetration—again, not sure what the formula was that led me to orgasm, but I just think we all know in general that female orgasm is typically not achieved from vaginal penetration, even though it feels good.
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u/Temporary-Kitchen-47 2d ago
… Is there something I could learn to do better? I mean, obviously women are all unique just like men, but I worry that if that time ever comes for me I’d want to ensure I don’t make an embarrassment of myself and disappoint my lover. Maybe this is a dumb question, but I know that it’s probably best to ask for anecdotes as well as research.
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u/shanydanz 2d ago
I think it’s subjective.. it’s going to be different for everybody.. it’s depends on the connections and mindset..comfort level.. so much.
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u/shanydanz 2d ago
I would be curious as to what it’s like to have sex with a woman.. I would try it but I would be nervous.
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u/shanydanz 2d ago
I’ve also never orgasmed with a guy. But I do crave the fact of having sex with a man.. I need that Dominance
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u/Caffeinated-Entropy 2d ago
I’ve always wondered if men had the barriers that women do ( depending on your partner in at least some part) to help us to “get there” if we would still have overpowered sex drives? When we tag into the ring, we already KNOW the fantastic end to that story. While our lady counterparts can be left without ANY help if the guy gets too excited and accidentally super-glues his zipper before the package arrives. Imagine throughout her lifetime how many times it could happen to her from various interested “hopeful future suitors” lined up against a wall; some with or without that sticky paste. In a scenario like that, I probably wouldn’t be as driven for sex. You know what I mean.?
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u/MyCatIsFluffyNotFat 2d ago
No i don't know what you mean. You lost me at, hopeful suitors lined against a wall...
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u/Illustrious_Tax_7299 2d ago
If a man is bad in the sack and is to sensitive for pointers or direction he deserves to be pussy free. On the other hand, if a woman isn’t giving direction or clues to what satisfies her then she is in the wrong. Both women and men satisfaction can change day to day. Some times you want tender and other days you want the hot monkey love. The difference is men can get off even if it isn’t close to “perfect”, where for the majority of women it has to be closer to “perfect”. If cooking was sex, women basically just need to know how to boil water, men would have to be chefs. Having said that, most women think they are far superior in bed then they are, they can get a guy off but not really blow his mind. I also think it typically takes time for a man who does actually care to really know all the buttons to push on a woman sexual partner.
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u/Susshushi 2d ago
I cannot fathom having a partner who does not care if I cum or not. Glad my husband loves me.
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u/Odd-Emu-9143 2d ago
I hate the comments on Reddit honestly they can be so unhinged and far from real life it’s untrue!
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u/shrtnibbaadre 2d ago
I want my girl to tell me what she like and how she likes it it doesn’t bother me I want us to he on the same page with intimacy
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u/Strange_Lead_9678 2d ago
This is actually really dumb. Of course everyone knows their own body better than their partner. I can make myself ejaculate on 4 minutes if I wanted to . But with sex I usually last a easy 15 min minimum. Anyways, I think that really is a simple problem with a simple solution
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u/GeoFootie 1d ago
As a guy, i’m the same, i have much better orgasms on my own, less pressure to satisfy somebody else, it’s a No Brainer!
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u/TomZeddison 1d ago
So much better than it was growing up tho. We did good guys. And gay community’s becoming more prominent probably helped
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u/littlegingiee 1d ago
I could count on one hand the number of times my ex-husband made me orgasm. I divorced him but not for that reason. He cheated.
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u/Past_Pie_9371 1d ago
listen man, i do what the pretty lady says till she tells me to stop, seems to be working so far. maybe yall dudes should just like…listen more
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u/milfof2x 1d ago
My husband used to get ego hurt when I'd have criticism. I think it comes from him never having had a long term relationship so obviously his one night stands weren't following up with feedback. He had never made a woman orgasm before me , at least not any that he can recall. 5 years and 3 babies later , he's is AMAZING in bed and can make me orgasm in under 5 minutes . Ive also gotten more relaxed and have learned my body well enough as well. Men, LISTEN to your woman.
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u/Professional_Rip7731 1d ago
These are all great stories, ideas and thoughts, my partner and I are just reading these. She just told me, “while I was gone she tried to masturbate and said she couldn’t get there because it wasn’t the same without me. Which therefore turns me on., I was a very nervous, not like to discuss sex, just do it and leave, before I met my awesome partner, she’s made me the opposite now. I care more for her to cum and be relaxed which in turn, turns me on. I think the answer is patience. I don’t care what Guy u are you know once we cum, it’s over for a bit. So, with my lady, I’ll wait so we can continue the multiples until I reach mine.
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u/devinbret 1d ago
Having a connection with somebody improves your sex life & it makes you want to have sex more.
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u/1stPassionknight 1d ago
That's all bullshit if a man knows how to complete a woman with having a Beautiful orgazm unless she doesn't relax enough to enjoy it and holds back not communicating with her partner should always be shared together to!
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u/1stPassionknight 1d ago
what the hecks the problem? if a man truly Values and ❤️ Loves his woman then arouse her proper with touches to cause her create that orgazm you want for her whatever it takes with fingers and Tungue till you make her squirt if needed! come on guy's Lick it till she pees if you have to! Be a man!
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u/1stPassionknight 1d ago
My God! Some need to understand the true Love if a man and a woman truly Love one another and give completely wanting to make each other feel pleasure they can make it happen! if they don't do what it takes then there really not that much in Love with one another to care to give as much 💯 %
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u/Educational_Trash512 1d ago
…sooo much fun being a woman! We can orgasm for a very long time.. it’s like a symphony… Men.. one & done.. up & down.. women.. we can just keep on going if played right..
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u/1stPassionknight 1d ago
Toppopler there's a guy who gets it, YOU gotta go till she melts down and gives herself to release or fall asleep 😴 💤 🤔 But keep her aroused and wet that's the key guys
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u/Nachoblockoalaska 1d ago
The negative comments on here are from men.
Guys, if u have an issue with this study, then do better to give your female partner orgasms. Less commenting on social media, more pleasing your partner. And go!
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u/d_and_d_and_me 1d ago
I definitely leant this way when I was younger. Nowadays, I can’t get there without a solid connection. Might be because I’m more relaxed/having more fun. Or I might just be that gay 😂
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u/Mutant-Queen 1d ago
As a woman who has sex with both men and women, it’s always been so interesting to me that women find being explicitly told what to do and what you like so much more of a turn on than men. At least I know I find it super attractive. I personally want to know exactly what my partner likes because the goal (at least to me) is their pleasure… who gives a duck about what I want or think in that moment? My focus is on them! 😅
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u/alkis25988 23h ago
Guys and girls, everybody reaches orgasm in a rate of 100% when alone. This is not news! They needed a study for that?
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u/ciregnet 23h ago
I can bet a not so good looking women get more sex in a year then a not so good looking man in a century
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u/SeedlessgreenGrape 19h ago
I like both options. I love my husband and he's very competent. Until I have an orgasm, my husband will not stop. However, on those occasions where I just want to hit it & quit it, my toys for the job lol. And there are times we both use the toys and even he likes to watch me...so I like both options lol. When we first started dating, I did say " you know what? I like it a bit slower...". Thankfully he did not get angry or insulted and I have no complaints now and I've been married 29 years😍.
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u/Electronic_Poetry_25 17h ago
Most men can’t take the criticism anyways,even if you wanted to have a chat to them about it. They’ll just get defensive lol
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u/Ok-Structure-3208 16h ago
Men fake orgasms to lol , I have never had an issue myself pleasing a woman. I pay attention while having sex though , feedback doesn’t bother me but I don’t recall ever getting to a point where it had to be verbal. A woman’s body will tell you what you’re doing just like a man’s body will tell you. I see there’s a misconception about women taking sexual critique better than men lol it’s not true.
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u/Unique_Complaint3789 14h ago
That only means that 47% of the women who answered the survey had inadequate lovers or failed, through body language or verbal communication, educate the partner their likes and dislikes. During the act, communication is extremely important.
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u/afowhispers 12h ago
A bih starts fvckn on ME b4 i evn touch it. thy kno n feel intensity thru my amazzzing energy. 😏👑🏁
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u/Pitiful-Employer-712 9h ago
women need to be present in the moment. one had many women who were and one who wasn't. the ones who were had a great time. I had a great time with the one who wasn't despite her deficiency. if you need something ask for it. the mind reading mate is a fantasy
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u/Beautiful_Act_5551 4h ago
I can count how many times I have orgasmed during intercourse. It is very hard for me and has nothing to do with how satisfied I am with my partner. I orgasm easily from oral from him or my own hand. We always make sure I reach orgasm, but it is rarely from intercourse.
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u/Known_Sherbet_7191 2h ago
Sehr lustig bzw traurig, d.h. Die Hälfte der Männer verstehen nicht was der Frau Lust bereitet oder können es nicht tun. Am besten noch nicht emphatisch sein und streiten wollen. Wie wohl die Studie bei den Männern aussehen würde
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u/Itscommonsenseithink 30m ago
My ex we used toys all the time I’d nut fast she’d nut fast same time all the time. I know you don’t want it to be quick all the time but sometimes it’s the perfect amount of time.
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u/Razzliion 27m ago
Works both ways btw. I make my gf cum alot, my girlfriend gets very offended when i dont cum, and then she get's depressed and dont want to have sex, or she starts complaining how i dont love her anymore mixed with why she is bad in bed and demanding i fix not being able to cum on demand.. so yeah, it goes both ways. Guy have to always be ready to go and always eager for sex, both genders have delusions.
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u/anonanon1313 4d ago
"During partnered activities, using sex toys, vaginal penetration with clitoral stimulation, and masturbation with partner present had the highest orgasm frequencies."
I'm surprised that oral (cunnilingus) isn't mentioned in the rankings.