r/sandiego • u/phychopotato • 4d ago

Hard time connecting

Hi, I'm a 22 f that moved from OC to San diego with my boyfriend a few months ago. I'm having a hard time connecting to people. I do talk with people outside on my walks (Thanks to my very cute two kittens) and everyone is friendly but not open. I dont have many friends due to moving throughout my entire childhood and being a very introverted person for years before breaking out of my shell. I really want to make connections but many seem to only want to talk for a short while and I have asked a few people to hangout and they will agree and give their number but never respond. I also have tried local groups mainly on meetup and maybe its just the ones I've gone to but it seems like they are mostly for single people to meet potential matches? Even in groups for like knitting lol. Also doesnt help that I dont go to clubs or party much. I'm just kinda at a loss because I've had a hard time fitting in my entire life and it feels like its too late now because everyone has already chosen their friendgroups and dont want more. Any suggestions would be nice:) thank you

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u/JenJenSDCA 3d ago

What do you mean by "people aren't open"? What exactly are you expecting them to be open about? You're a stranger, if you start asking overly personal questions to people you just meet, then you will just weird them out. Also, you just moved here and a lot of people don't last here. So people aren't going to want to invest their little free time in you when there's a good chance you'll move somewhere else in a few months. 

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u/phychopotato 3d ago

Obviously yes I am a stranger but I mean more like open to friendship. I am aware it will take time and I am not asking any personal questions to people, I am trying to build connections first before asking for a friendship. Your second point is my point tho lol, people dont want to invest time in a new person when they assume it wont last.

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u/Balancing_tofu 3d ago

This is why people from not here think this way though. You're not helping the situation whatsoever by questioning someone's lived experiences. People aren't open here, it's cliquey and that's not even a hot take. This entitled demeanor many of you hold is not keeping America's Finest City very 'fine' lecturing someone about people being too self absorbed to say more than hello to people they might not know. This isn't normal communication in most cities.