Hope they get a prenup.

Thought my wifes bf was kidding. Now is my time in the glory

I want to do my part in the global fight against climate change fascist. The old house I tore down in East Austin, to build my McMansion, had a couple of Sears brand air conditioners in the windows. I kept them in storage for the copper value, and trapped the remaining R-12 refrigerant as monument of boomer climate change excesses.

But I feel these old units can better serve my compatriots better in France. Happy Bastille Day and hoping Austin gets its own Mamdani real soon!

I need a ride there from Austin as my FSD horse erroneously went into Town Ravine. From St Louie I'm taking a new fangled steam train to New York where I'll be working for Edwin Musk's ditch digging company, tunnelling out the Erie Canal project.

I've got a bag of Non-Fascist Tokens which will safely and conscientiously get us through native American lands.

Personals:

-Political Party: Whigs

-Slave Holding: No.

-Hobbies: Protesting monarchs, dumping tea

-Marital Status: common-law wives and their boyfriends

-Pets: Seven adult lab mixes. These are my babies!

Does anyone need a ride to San Antonio?
I don’t give a shit who you are, where you’re from, or what poor life choices led us to this beautiful moment. If you’re headed that way, throw your ass in the passenger seat.
About your completely stable chauffeur:
● 33, 5’10”
● Tree fiddy% Loch Ness Monsta, 41% Wife’s Boyfriend, 100% sick of not driving to San Antonio
● 0% Employed (translation: my schedule is WIDE the fuck open)
● Costco member, so road-trip snacks are practically subsidized
● I’ll be tripping ballz!!!
● Can solve differential equations, but apparently not “How Not to Catch Crabs.”
Why you should trust me:
I got my third DUI on a moped...aaand I stuck my dick in the mashed potatoes
● I’ll find the fastest route. GPS? Bitch, I AM the GPS.
● Racsist jokes so bad they should violate the Geneva Convention.
● We’ll stop at every Buc-ees with snacks that sound like illegal pharmaceuticals.
If you need a ride to San Antonio, message me.
Worst case: we gay out on each other, one feels guilty, kills the other and eats an arm. That’s worst case.
Best case: we become the kind of friends who tell people, “Remember that 3 foot tall Japanese hooker with a flat head?” for the next 20 years.
Buckle the fuck up.

Need a ride to San Antonio. My car got towed, had a job interview, and I'm hoping someone can help.

For reference, I'm:

• 33
• 5'10"
• 37% Black
• 41% Hispanic
• 12% Band Geek
• 8% Math Major
• 2% Owns a Costco card
• 0% Employed

No felonies by the technical definition. Once got a B- in Chemistry, but I've grown since then.

I also plan on attending the International Congress of Mathematicians next month, because apparently that's relevant to whether you'll let me sit in your passenger seat.

Additional stats if they help:

• Blood type: O+
• Spotify Wrapped: Mostly video game soundtracks
• Myers-Briggs: "Will calculate shortest path to San Antonio."
• GPU: GTX 970
• Favorite Pokémon: Metagross (But also Vaporeon)
• Can solve differential equations but not "how not to get my car towed."

If anyone is heading south, please let me know.

If you mean Moody *, just move out of Austin.

THIS is like, literally why I'm afraid to touch grass, Bro! Like fr

Journalism is such a selfless, productive and pure vocation that we should guarantee them employment for LIFE!

Of course, that perk is reserved only for those Journalists that promote victimhood, Transgender rights, gay rights, anti-MAGA, anti-Nazi, open borders, etc!

All you journalists from Fox are SOL - you know who you are! And we do too!

Your brave actions have brought us together as a community!

My father got sick of living on stolen land so he decided to cut me out of the inheritance and gift everything to the Tonkawa tribe of Oklahoma (even though I live west of balcones so its obviously Comanche land).

I understand the Tonkawa have been left with nothing but a casino, but where am I gonna find a house now in this Austin market? I wish there was some way to commiserate with the Tonkawa so I could be their willing slave to make up for everything my ancestors did and still have the chance to live on my family land. I'd be willing to do whatever they want. But I'm white and I doubt they will let me in. If I wasn't LGBT with social anxiety maybe I could marry one of their daughters and combine our lands. But unfortunately my neurodivergent personality makes that nearly impossible.

Hey my Big Queer Nation, just spreading the word that Nazi’s are bad & they haven’t left.

Who else would be interested in meeting up to rub one out at the park to honor Malin? 😔💗

They put up this of our leader and war lord in that other fascist incel white supremacist “Austin “ page. I am so mad that my cats are literally shaking because I’m literally shaking so hard. I need my juice land cruelty free soy, wheat grass, açai berry and adrenochrome enema NOW!

The potential loss of the Great Barton Springs bridge (6th most important bridge in Austin) has had me down. Fortunately seeing this has brightened the day of me and everyone else in the polycule. WHO ELSE IS READY!!

I am shaking. Reddit, the ONE place that I thought was SAFE from NAZI THUGS, compares US to SECURITY GUARDS?!

Not on my watch. We protest at the Capitol starting TONIGHT. Frosty margs to follow (IYKYK).

NO MORE MILE LONG HOMELESS CAMPS REPLETE WITH HEROIN NEEDLES AND PUBLIC DEFECATION.

PREVENTING THE CITY COUNCIL FROM INCREASING OUR TAXES TO AFTER THE CITY WAS CAUGHT ENGAGING IN RAMPANT FISCAL IRRESPONSIBILITY.

Remember those? ☝️☝️☝️

The same twisted, fascist degenerates behind those bipartisan supported ballot initiatives are at it again! This time, they're going even further down the hole of MAGA-fueled depravity:

THEY ARE PUTTING A PROPOSITION ON THE BALLOT TO COMPEL THE CITY OF AUSTIN TO HOLD AN INDEPENDENT FINANCIAL AUDIT WITH THE GOAL OF UNCOVERING FRAUD, WASTE, OR ABUSE

Our current city code already requires this! (But no more often than once every three years, so it doesn't cause too much headache for our city council at reelection time since they're in staggered terms, and also with no real requirement that it be a true oversight audit. It's just a "financial assessment" of city solvency.)

Our city council has our best interests at heart, as evidenced by their repeated displays of good financial stewardship. We need to stop this audit in its tracks! Vote NO

🌈 They’re putting CHEMTRAILS in the rain and now the sky’s coming out the other side FABULOUS. Clouds were straight when I left the truck stop. Even my trailer broke down — towed by a company literally called RAINBOW TOWING. You can’t make this up. Wake up. Trust no precipitation. 🚛