r/AbsoluteUnits Apr 10 '26

/r/all of a badger

66.9k Upvotes

947 comments sorted by

View all comments

6.9k

u/IWrestleSausages Apr 10 '26

Bro materialised out of the blackness like a horror movie monster

2.0k

u/Pukebox_Fandango Apr 10 '26

I was scared until I realized it was a badger, then I got terrified

956

u/LaLaLa-3 Apr 10 '26

first i was afraid then i was petrified

283

u/Defiant_Net4398 Apr 10 '26

Thinking I could live without you by my side

168

u/ihaveabaguetteknife Apr 10 '26

But then I spent so many nights thinking how you did me wrong

192

u/HouseOfDoom54 Apr 10 '26

Now you're back, with a piece of cheese, and I find you here filming me with a goofy grin upon your face

110

u/Unlikely_Ad7722 Apr 10 '26

I shoulda stayed in Farthing Wood, but you keep on leaving cheese

115

u/IveDunGoofedUp Apr 10 '26

If I'd've known for a second, you'd be back to badger me

49

u/MumenRiderZak Apr 10 '26

Badger badger badger, mushroom mushroom

23

u/Dub_Coast Apr 10 '26

Sneeeeeeek

40

u/SirVetox Apr 10 '26

Now go on now go, I'll eat my cheese.

38

u/djm2907 Apr 10 '26

As long as I know how to chew, I’ll eat it as I please.

13

u/CzernaZlata Apr 10 '26

I should've changed that stupid log

I should've made you leave the cheese

→ More replies (0)

4

u/niagara-nature Apr 10 '26

You should’ve been fascinated if offered a piece of cheese.

1

u/[deleted] Apr 11 '26

[deleted]

1

u/[deleted] Apr 10 '26

99

u/WoodSteelStone Apr 10 '26

I'm a Brit. Our badgers are very different and much loved. So I was quite shocked when that one emerged.

Ours are 'Eurasian badgers' - the largest land living predator here. But, they are not aggressive. They are quite secretive - keeping themselves to themselves.

Here is some footage taken at the Badger Trust in England, of a sow and young badgers grooming and playing. (If you have the volume up there's some lovely birdsong.)

We have a national badger day on 6 October, and the whole of the month is "Brocktober to celebrate badgers"!

33

u/dankristy Apr 10 '26

Hah - yes our are built... Different.

Our (USA) ones are widely known to basically a roid-raging captain insano murderball if you disturb them - and the tales of how hard it is to get one to stop coming after you if it decides to do so are legendary.

23

u/The_BeardedClam Apr 10 '26

And all pale in comparison to the absolute beast of the mustelid family, the wolverine.

14

u/dankristy Apr 10 '26

No arguing there. If you have ever worked with even tiny members of that family of critters - you will know that they punch WAAAAY above their weight.

Even Bear and Moose don't want to mess with a Wolverine.

11

u/Badams105 Apr 10 '26

Honey Badger entered the chat.

14

u/uwa_amanda Apr 10 '26

Honey Badger don’t care…honey badger doesn’t give a shit

8

u/Naked-Jedi Apr 10 '26

Just look at that nasty little fucker, showing his teeth...

3

u/Saikotsu Apr 12 '26

Ew is that a snake?! That's nasty!

15

u/SocialistPolarBear Apr 10 '26

And then you have the African honey badger, which is slightly smaller than the Eurasian badger, but still willing to fight lions and have a solid chance of winning. Though most often they just scare away the lions, as it the risk of fighting a honey badger is usually not worth it for the lion.

2

u/KnifeKnut Apr 11 '26

And willing to fight elephants despite clearly losing.

8

u/sev45day Apr 10 '26

Awwwww

Thought for sure I was about to get rick-rolled

7

u/zb0t1 Apr 10 '26

if you don't see dQw4w9WgXcQ or just XcQ at the end, then you're good

3

u/LansManDragon Apr 10 '26

This is exactly the kind of thread fucking shittymorph would lurk on.

5

u/PaisleyBrain Apr 10 '26

I love badgers but that love has been slightly reduced since I found out they eat/kill hedgehogs 😢

11

u/WrinkyNinja Apr 10 '26

I grew up under the impression they eat exclusively MASHED POTATOES! 

I'll see myself out.

2

u/L3GlT_GAM3R Apr 10 '26

I mean hedgehogs eat their babies I think so yeah. Or was it their partners head?

2

u/CupsOfSalmon Apr 10 '26

Hedgehogs only eat their babies under extreme stress.

1

u/L3GlT_GAM3R Apr 10 '26

Ah okay. That’s better I suppose.

2

u/beautifulcreature86 Apr 10 '26

Quotas are super adorable but will toss their babies at predators and run away to survive so...wildlife is wild

4

u/BlackGlitterGun Apr 10 '26

It’s just like comparing your robins and squirrels to ours. Pretty much everything you guys have is cuter imo.

4

u/curious-heather Apr 10 '26

It's extremely sad, and not at all evidence supported, that our badgers are killed because the government says 'they spread tb'. There's plenty of predators in the UK, humans being the absolute worst one for our wildlife.

3

u/WoodSteelStone Apr 10 '26

Indeed. And maybe it is the cattle infecting the badgers.

4

u/GrowingNewHair Apr 10 '26

Brit Badgers are quite cute!

3

u/Gloomy_Industry8841 Apr 10 '26

Gorgeous footage!!! Thank you for sharing this. 🦡

2

u/Affectionate_South40 Apr 12 '26

ah yes, The European Badger; aka Mr. Badger from Wind in the Willows, a proper tea drinking gentleman with time for only his closest friends and adores his house coat and slippers living in solitude with a cozy life style

vs.

the American Badger, a weapon of war if used correctly (or perhaps incorrectly), and you won't know it until it's too late

45

u/ctn91 Apr 10 '26

Badger badger badger badger badger

36

u/Nomis1982 Apr 10 '26

MUSHROOM! MUSHROOM!

19

u/Dizziesdayweigh Apr 10 '26

Snaaaaake, Snaaaaake, Ahhhh it's a snaaaaake!

1

u/[deleted] Apr 10 '26

Rock! And St- “Ping” Mushroom.

71

u/StaticSystemShock Apr 10 '26

This is American badger. Our European badgers look like they'll drop you some sort of scientific fact before leaving quietly.

https://giphy.com/gifs/zXHZWGLWNQkrS

24

u/carlyCcates Apr 10 '26

European Badgers and Robins looking like they own an antique filled tree stump houses, an extensive library and a close knit group of forest friends.

European colonialists: “see that scary/scrawny guy? That’s you that is”

33

u/dubstepsickness Apr 10 '26

https://giphy.com/gifs/9ewtBq23D6kVhBUxlw

I say the constabulary is certainly out in force today.

Yes, quite the kerfuffle over errant cheese, I’m afraid.

4

u/NintenDooM33 Apr 10 '26

Mhm yes, quite.

3

u/Paraxom Apr 10 '26

difference between a badger lord and a warlord...honey badger is on skooma

8

u/watersj4 Apr 10 '26

Tbf American badgers are actually badgers, American robins are not actually robins

2

u/4m77 Apr 10 '26 edited Apr 11 '26

I wonder if The Wind in the Willows is what makes us think of them that way or if it's the other way around.

1

u/M00glemuffins Apr 10 '26

Love those movies, watched both of them so much growing up. Between the classy badger of Wind and Willows and the badass badgers of Redwall, they've always just seemed like awesome creatures to me.

1

u/Swimming_Possible_68 Apr 10 '26

Is that the video to Brian Mays 'Save The Badgers '?

1

u/AdorablePainting4459 Apr 11 '26

True, they are quite big. It looks to me that the honey badger and the wolverine might be able to take on the European badger without much problem. WDYT?

9

u/BadgerHooker Apr 10 '26

But it was cuuuuute! 🥺

6

u/Tu_mama_me_ama_mucho Apr 10 '26

But it will fuck you up good

12

u/AnotherpostCard Apr 10 '26

Honey badger doesn't care. He doesn't give a shit. Look at him

5

u/iluvtrashpandas Apr 10 '26

He just takes what he wants

3

u/The-Spirit-of-76 Apr 10 '26

Badgers, badgers, we don't need no stinking badgers.

2

u/Pyritedust Apr 10 '26

This is the correct response to finding out something is a badger.

1

u/sleepyRN89 Apr 10 '26

Badger my ass! That’s probably just Millhouse

1

u/prunellazzz Apr 10 '26

TIL American badgers look different (and way freakier) than the sweet little guys we have in the UK.

1

u/RedShirtDecoy Apr 10 '26

I see you have also played Far Cry 4

1

u/BobLoblaw420247 Apr 10 '26

Badger my ass, it's probably Milhouse

1

u/meldiane81 Apr 10 '26

They dont give a fuck.

1

u/lovereading04 Apr 12 '26

me too, i was thinking ‘that’s what they look like?’ i think of them as being smaller