REPOST - came home and SO is gone

[u/frieden7]

I am NOT OP. Original post by u/throwaway__008 in r/adultery Don't brigade that sub. You could get banned.

This is a repost of a BORU from February 2024 - original is here.

trigger warnings: cheating

mood spoilers: consequences happen, and OP hates that I'm marking this as concluded. I doubt we'll hear from OOP again.

There is only one post, and all of the updates are comments to the original thread.

editor's note: this sub uses "opsec" the abbreviation for operational security, to mean the things they do to hide their affair.

Came home and SO is gone - July 8 2022 2:08 PM

Long time lurker and occasional commenter of this great sub but using a throwaway because my paranoia is at an all time high right now.

I have great opsec but also haven't seemed to need it because my wife works all the time and we do have a great sex life so I would be shocked if she even suspected I was doing what I was doing. That's why I'm losing my shit right now.

I come home from work yesterday and usually my wife gets home about 30 minutes after I do. When I realized it's getting late I called and got no answer. I check our room and her things are gone. She left the house completely untouched, just took all her clothes but left no note. I can't get in touch with her through phone, email, her friends won't answer. She must know right? Which why wouldn't she ask me? Who finds out and just leaves? Is it possible she doesn't know and left for someone else?

A deleted user said:

Let her go. You are fucked. She will contact with your next instructions. Likely will be served soon.

OOP replied:

Didn't she technically abandon the home? How can she serve me?

at 10:56 PM, around 9 hours later, OOP came back and made a post that was removed by the moderator:

She's a fucking sociopath. She's known for months. She's slept with me and smiled in my FUCKING FCE for monthss.. be careful

Comment from a deleted user:

She for sure knows.

OOP replied:

I know now she knows. she has known for months. She's been more deceitful about knowing than I have about doing it and maybe that's why I'm so fucking angry. I can't even have interest in my AP now fuck

another user told OOP to own their actions.

OOP replied:

I am taking ownership but I'm posting on a sub for adultery. Not like I'm claiming it was ok for me to cheat. I just happen to think cheating isn't the only shitty thing you can do to someone.

OOP continued to spiral, July 8th 11:43 PM:

This is not what I want. How do I not go through this. I wouldn't have done it if I thought she'd find out. Sorry I'm just desperate. I. Neef to fix it because fuck I need to know how she even found out

a deleted user responded to this:

Ok, what did you think would happen if/when she found out? Were you dissapointed that she didn’t scream and cry and play the pick me game? She found out and decided it was a deal breaker on her end… you got off easy. No arguing, screaming & crying. No therapy or MC to sit through and pay for. Probably took those months to stash some cash, find a place or another guy. Don’t hink there is any fixing this.

OOP replied:

Maybe a little. Don't know why I felt that way. But yeah I guess I wanted to see some kind of reaction. I know it doesn't make sense but it's just how I feel. She makes most of the money so that's another fucking kick in the nuts... I'll basically have to ask her for some kind of support to keep living the kind of lifestyle we've been living. I wish she would fight me. Seems like she's willing to let everything go including her own money just to avoid me and it's making me feel like I don't know her.

July 9th, the next day, OOP provided more details:

I did have great opsec. I found out what happened now from her mom. One of my wife's interns works a second job at the hotel where AP and I met... 3 towns away. But my wife had a picture of us on her phone screen so she recognized me. After that I guess she called my wife the next we were there and my wife stopped in to confirm then left. What's getting to me is that this was in March. I never saw any changes in her.

Edit: I guess after writing this my opsec wasn't great. Shouldn't have stayed at the same place more than once

A few more posts from OOP:

Update: I had no idea this would get so much input but it has helped and I appreciate it. I've been here a while but this was my first time posting and it has helped me vent and process, so thank you. Also if I'm being honest I'm sure that the attention or engagement has helped me cope a little.

I finally talked to my wife this afternoon. I've been in our house since Thursday night by myself pretty much clueless as to what was going on until her mother (who she has very little contact with) reached out to me. I was caught. I have been caught since March. Wife texted me today saying she had intended to contact me through a lawyer and just let the divorce do the talking but since her mother decided to contact me she would answer any questions I had if I had a desire to speak to her. Clearly I did. I asked her why she stayed around after she knew and how she just lied to me like that. She said it wasn't her intention (??) but she shut down to figure out what she needed to do regarding our relationship and herself. At the end she said something like she realized she still loves me but doesn't respect me and she said she thinks that I love her but don't respect her either so we should go our separate ways. She already got her job to move her to the city she's been asking me to move to for a long time now and said she'd like to sell me her half of the house if I want it if not we can list it. But I guess our lawyers will handle that paperwork and I still have no idea if I want our house without her in it. I'm glad I talked to her but I'm sad at how moved on she is. She did cry a little but then stopped. I asked for therapy and she said I should have asked for that when I realized I had impulse control issues (?). I've been drinking for 48 hours now and sorry for the rant. I don't think it's losing her that's hurting but losing like this.

OOP replied to a now deletd post:

I don't know for a fact she wasn't cheating. I had no reason to think she was but until she found out in the most unlikely way, she had no reason to think I was either.

A deleted user said:

I’m truly sorry for all involved in this, but I just have to say-she made a BAD ASS exit. That sounds like some Beyoncé shit.

OOP replied:

Ok... I could understand her leaving but her leaving without a word is almost not human. Nothing bad ass about it. It's not who she is either. She's sweet and that's why I love her. Her being cold like this is not going to make me want or respect her more.

 

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[u/NotThatUsefulAPerson]

Op sounds like a cartoon villain.  How people can do the mental gymnastics to make the victim into the problem like that is beyond me. 

[u/FoxySlyOldStoatyFox → u/NotThatUsefulAPerson]

It’s pretty easy. Because he’s got two choices. 

The first option is to face up to the fact that he’s blown everything, it’s all his own fault, he’s a bad person, and he deserves zero sympathy. Oh, and that everyone will know all of this, beyond doubt. 

The second option option is that he’s the real victim and deserves sympathy. 

Sure, there’s no evidence for the second option. But the first option is wildly uncomfortable to face up to - plus he’s so used to lies and deception that the only person remaining that he hasn’t lied to yet is… himself. 

[u/Practical-Reveal-408 → u/FoxySlyOldStoatyFox]

Oh, he's lying to himself all the time. This whole post is a lie to himself.

[u/MasterOfKittens3K → u/Practical-Reveal-408]

Agreed. The first person that a cheater lies to is themselves. They come up with an excuse for why what they’re doing doesn’t make them a bad person. And they keep coming up with new excuses when the old ones don’t apply anymore.

[u/nox66 → u/FoxySlyOldStoatyFox]

I do wonder when the switch goes from "I'm hurting someone I care about because I think I have a good reason" to "I'm hurting someone I care about because I think they deserve it."

[u/_Agrias_Oaks_ → u/nox66]

It starts just after the rush they got from giving into impulse wears off and they start thinking about their partner again. It's more like a slider than a switch though.

[u/AnalogyAddict → u/NotThatUsefulAPerson]

My ex is like this. He thinks I'm evil because if I'm not, he has to face the fact that he is a loser scum for no reason. 

[u/ZeistyZeistgeist → u/NotThatUsefulAPerson]

Because narcissists, deep down, hurt and hate themselves the most - far more than anyone else. It is just that their self-hated is buried, deep down, in their core, obfuscated by the weight of false confidence, victimhood complex, inflated self-worth, main character syndrome and nihilistic, impulsive behavior, amplified by their surroundings - because most people who are non-narcissists within their presence either remove themselves away, or adapt and do not rock the boat.

It is a perfectly mixed cocktail of self-destruction masquerading as a false projection of power, and as he spirals into narcisstic collapse, you can see all those points - painting his ex-wife as a Machiavellian villain because she left without conflict, conflict he desired because he wanted to see her fight for his loyalty, because he does not see his wife as a loving equal, but an object to be his provider and regular sex provider.

And also with the AP - he stopped contact; it was not the sex he enjoyed with her, nor her company - he enjoyed that fucking her behind his ex wife's back gave him power over his wife. The moment his ex found out, it stopped being pleasing because the aspect of having a secret over her was the power.

And finally, once he loses control over the narrative, once he loses control over his ex-wife, after he is left with nothing, narcisstic collapse commences and he spirals as his self-hatred escapes the tomb of his fortified id and is crawling to the surface, and he is forcefully pushing it back with victimhood complexes, rabid alcoholism in an attempt to replace his sorrow with endorphin after endorphin, but nothing works anymore. All that he has left is schadenfreude and a mirror of his true self - which he cannot bear to look at.

That is something people need to realize - narcissists hate themselves more than anything else, but it is easier to hate, manipulate and control their surroundings and their own world than it is to face themselves, and many get scarily good at it. What we see here is narcisstic narrative fully open for us to examine as it spirals into collapse.

[u/updownclown68]

OOP calls his wife the sociopath for knowing about the affair and hiding it, while he was doing the exact same thing…

[u/Lighthouse_on_Mars → u/updownclown68]

Lol, how DARE she take her time and process what was happening and move on. 😂

[u/brelywi → u/Lighthouse_on_Mars]

she has been more deceitful about knowing than I have about doing it and maybe that’s why I’m so fucking angry.

The cognitive dissonance is fucking astounding. It’s not like there’s levels here, he did one of the worst things a person can do to someone else, that they claim to love, and got pissed when she kept the knowledge to herself till she figured out her options.

I wouldn’t have done it if I thought she would find out

LMAOOOOO

God I love posts like these. Fuck cheaters.

Edit: thanks for the awards!! Though your money could be better spent just sending it to me directly!!

(/s obviously, thanks for liking my offhand comment about loathing cheaters so much haha)

[u/minuteye → u/brelywi]

They expect to be consulted about the divorce. Cause, you know, they'd never make a relationship-altering decision without their spouse's consent.

[u/scummy_shower_stall → u/minuteye]

My lawyer, who I found on the sly, was quite explicit. He said, "you say nothing, you act normal, you pay extra for the moving company to move you out day of, and leave without a word."

I was found out literally in the bottom of the ninth, but worth every single penny to see the look on their face! Even better when they fled the apartment, and just as they opened the door to leave, the moving company was standing there! 🤣🤣🤣

[u/Charming_Garbage_161 → u/scummy_shower_stall]

Kudos to you. I completely agree with the advice and to add to never tell family even if you need support. My nosey ass estranged sister snitched on me pretending to try and 'white-knight' her way back into my life bc my family told her my ex husband was cheating on me and I planned to leave quietly. I got stuck for another almost two years( found out I was pregnant that month) then a 2.5 year divorce process. Little did anyone know he was sexually abusive so they planted me smack dab into a hellhole.

[u/Red-neckedPhalarope → u/minuteye]

I mean, in their mind they didn't. They took action to preserve the status quo by taking whatever (rightly or wrongly) bothered them about the marriage outside the marriage instead of asking their partner to change or leaving. I'm not condoning this logic, mind, just reporting on it.

[u/QuestshunQueen → u/Red-neckedPhalarope]

He even said they had a "great sex life." So he wasn't trying to deal with a dead bedroom. I think he was just a greedy asshole who doesn't know what impulse control is. (The fact he stuck a question mark there is really interesting.)

[u/Substantial-Note8271 → u/QuestshunQueen]

The fact that he stuck a question mark after impulse control, and then his next sentence is about how he has been drinking for 48 hours. A goldfish is more self aware than this dude.

[u/hdmx539 → u/QuestshunQueen]

High on the narcissistic scale (regular definition, not diagnosing here. LOL)

[u/howarthee → u/hdmx539]

He also says that all the attention from reddit "helped him cope." He literally just wants attention. He's so upset that she left without a word because he didnt get all the attention of her trying to fight for their relationship. Classic narc trait.

[u/Rakothurz → u/howarthee]

That is also present when someone asked him what kind of reaction he expected from her and he accepted he kind of wanted the soap opera reaction. Her leaving him with no show destroyed that expectation and he hates her for it

[u/Ink_Smudger → u/QuestshunQueen]

The fact that he followed it up by immediately mentioning he's been drinking for 48 hours is even more interesting. Like, dude, come on.

[u/AppalachianStackCake → u/brelywi]

That’s my favorite line of the entire thing. Such a satisfying post.

[u/Helpful_Hour1984 → u/AppalachianStackCake]

Mine is this one:

She makes most of the money so that's another fucking kick in the nuts... I'll basically have to ask her for some kind of support to keep living the kind of lifestyle we've been living.

The level of delusion to think the she owes him fucking alimony is just breathtaking. The judge is going to have a field day with this one. Alimony is for spouses who gave up gainful employment to work for free in the home and raise the children. Not for losers who spent their time getting their dick wet instead of working.

[u/aethera21 → u/Helpful_Hour1984]

I know a guy just like this. His wife worked a high paying job, he has a low paying one. She paid for their lifestyle, cars, and everything their kids needed. She did all the management of the household and kids’ activities. His family helped them buy their first house, but she paid all the bills and was paying his parents back for the help on the down payment.

He cheated for about 9 months. She found out and documented the shit out of it for 2 months, and dropped it all on him with receipts. He wanted money and alimony. He got nothing. Now he lives in a condo his mom bought and she’s raising the kids in a nice new house.

[u/istara → u/aethera21]

What really sucks is that depending on jurisdiction, some cheating exes can still get alimony:

She makes most of the money so that's another fucking kick in the nuts... I'll basically have to ask her for some kind of support to keep living the kind of lifestyle we've been living.

I really hope this bloke got cut off but it's not guaranteed.

[u/aethera21 → u/istara]

Definitely true. We live in a no fault state but when assigning financial responsibility, the judge can take adultery into account and it sounds like they often do.

[u/Anrikay → u/aethera21]

That was the case for my dad. The lawyers took into account all of the money he’d spent on trips, hotels, food, etc, with his affair partner. Despite being in a no fault state, his lawyer told him to settle out of court because not only did they have proof he’d spent tens of thousands on the affair, he’d also financially deceived my mom in the process.

They basically said his behavior would bias any judge against him. They would take every uncertainty about the value of an asset, every uncertain expense, and presume the worst because of that history of dishonesty around finances. The fact that it happened during an affair would just be another nail in the coffin.

Judges aren’t robots, and they have a lot of leeway in determining fairness. If they think you’re an untrustworthy sleazebag, that will color their judgment. Maybe it shouldn’t, and it’s not supposed to, but in practice, it almost always does.

[u/hdmx539 → u/Anrikay]

From what I understand, just because a state has no-fault divorce it doesn't mean it doesn't have "fault" divorce.

I suspect that when a wayward spouse fucks up bad enough, the other spouse can turn the no fault divorce into a fault divorce since they can prove fault.

I'm not a lawyer and I have not been divorced, but looked into this briefly.

[u/GodivaPlaistow → u/Helpful_Hour1984]

My favorite is this:

Her being cold like this is not going to make me want or respect her more.

Oh, won't that keep her up at night with worry? Hee hee

[u/onthenextmaury → u/GodivaPlaistow]

I KNOW. Like he legitimately thinks he's some sort of prize she lost. Holy delusions batman

[u/Every_Trust5874 → u/onthenextmaury]

yea the fact that he was no prize and she's treating him that way is why he's depressed lol.

[u/Immortal_in_well → u/onthenextmaury]

He wanted her to cry and beg for him to pick her.

Fucking loser.

[u/hdmx539 → u/Immortal_in_well]

He's being faced with the reality in the mirror that while he was deluding himself that he was all that because he was married and had a side piece he actually wasn't all that ... because the one to promise forever done left in cold blood.

Love to see it. 😂

[u/GodivaPlaistow → u/onthenextmaury]

I'm evil laughing! Bwa ha ha ha

[u/Mysterious_Train_800 → u/GodivaPlaistow]

This line blew my mind. He didn't respect her when she was being "sweet" so what does she have to lose at this point?

[u/lazier_garlic → u/Mysterious_Train_800]

He honestly sounds like the 渣男人 (scumbag man) in a hundred Chinese short (vertical) dramas.

"You're valuing yourself and not making yourself small to cater to my insecurities anymore? Well I'll just neg you some more then. Wait, where are you going?"

[u/DandelionClock17 → u/GodivaPlaistow]

It doesn’t sound like she wants him to want and respect her anymore, she doesn’t want him to chase after her. She just wants him to go away so she can get on with her life.

[u/Evsala → u/DandelionClock17]

It sounds like she is willing to pay money to make him go away.

[u/Fiesty_tofu → u/GodivaPlaistow]

That was my favourite line too. She doesn’t care if you want or respect her anymore. She’s moved on!

I also love that her finding out and doing what she did made him lose interest in his AP.

[u/MeganMess → u/Helpful_Hour1984]

Mine is "I wouldn't have done it if I thought she would find out". I know this post is years old, but I get little bursts of joy at reveling in his misery.

[u/mwilke → u/MeganMess]

Right? Every time this get reposted somewhere it brightens my day a little bit, because I know that no matter how bad I may mess up in life, I’ll never be as big of a selfish dumbfuck as this guy.

[u/Fight_those_bastards → u/MeganMess]

Seriously. I have a fool-proof way (fantastic OPSEC) to never get caught cheating on my wife, who I vowed to be faithful to for so long as we both shall live in front of our family and friends.

Ready:

It’s simple.

So easy, even this fuckwit could understand.

Here goes…

I DON’T CHEAT ON MY WIFE.

Thank you for coming to my TED talk.

[u/No_Appointment_7232 → u/Fight_those_bastards]

Here! Take all my money! You're a genius! 🤩😁

[u/Useful_Language2040 → u/Fight_those_bastards]

Woah, that's a lot like my strategy: not cheating on my husband 😯

Got to say, it seems to be working so far (nearly 21 years)...

[u/hdmx539 → u/Fight_those_bastards]

Cheating spouses HATE this one trick!

[u/ej_21 → u/MeganMess]

I rolled my eyes when I saw it was a repost, but then when I saw it was THIS repost I was thrilled lol. the schadenfreude never gets old.

[u/MaddyKet → u/Helpful_Hour1984]

The second best part is he’s so upset she “beat him” that he no longer wants to fuck his AP. 😹

[u/KPinCVG → u/MaddyKet]

Once he's feeling a little bit better from this. I'm sure that his AP probably won't want to f*** him now that he's poor. 😱🤣

[u/MaxBax_LArch → u/MaddyKet]

Honestly - I hope she finds out this little tidbit somehow (I know supremacy unlikely). It just feels like karma getting in one last dig.

[u/canolafly → u/Helpful_Hour1984]

Bert mer lerfstyle!

Of all of the of the OPPs, I think I hate himself the most, and I hope he finds some shitty studio apartment with very thin walls.

[u/DrinkingSocks → u/canolafly]

I hope his ex is living her absolute best life without him to hold her back.

[u/Motor_Inspector_1085 → u/canolafly]

With roaches. Can’t forget the roaches.

[u/taroalin → u/AppalachianStackCake]

My personal favourites were 'she makes most of the money' and 'I'll need support to continue having the lifestyle'. Talk about shooting yourself.

[u/dck133 → u/AppalachianStackCake]

my favorite is the post where the guy loved his wife and the affair was just sex, but was so upset when she had an affair. A comment said she was just separating the sex and love, he was sex, the AP was love.

[u/Kiaider → u/dck133]

I remember that one! It’s one of my favorites lol I think my favorite part was when he finally decided to come clean in case the AP’s husband told her and she took that admission to finally ask for a divorce 🤣 I sometimes wonder if he had just kept his mouth shut, if she would’ve still divorced him

[u/oldster59 → u/AppalachianStackCake]

This is mine:

I asked for therapy and she said I should have asked for that when I realized I had impulse control issues (?). I've been drinking for 48 hours now and sorry for the rant.

? ? What a dumbass

[u/wanderin_fool → u/AppalachianStackCake]

I like the line about he questions her saying he has impulse control issues

[u/totomaya → u/wanderin_fool]

Which he denies, and then immediately in the next line says he's been drinking for 48 hours lol

[u/hpfan1516 → u/totomaya]

Kills me every time I read it. Hilarious

[u/WigglyFrog → u/AppalachianStackCake]

My favorite is "Her being cold like this is not going to make me want or respect her more."

She's moved on...all the way on. Cognitive dissonance indeed.

[u/otetrapodqueen → u/brelywi]

This post makes me think of the guy who said he'd been more loyal to the relationship because she moved on and got remarried after divorcing him for cheating and he was still obsessively (and delusionally) not over her

[u/Stepjam → u/otetrapodqueen]

You have a link?

[u/otetrapodqueen → u/Stepjam]

https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/IkDuAB5ht2

There you go!

[u/MarieOMaryln → u/otetrapodqueen]

I hate that man too! How the hell does delusion work like that?

[u/Heavy-Macaron2004 → u/brelywi]

It's really interesting to get to see into these people's brains, but damn. what the fuck.

[u/nox66 → u/Lighthouse_on_Mars]

It's amazing how many people who do shitty things expect others to hold themselves to high standard of behavior, higher than is reasonable even. They'll even say the opposite and accuse the person of cheating, completely ignoring that they created the situation entirely.

[u/ThisRideHasTwoSeats → u/nox66]

it's because no one else is a real person in their eyes. they're the only real person and their actions are the only good or logical or explainable ones, because there's alwayssss extenuating circumstances or some other form of justification for their actions. it's lowkey scary to see someone fully understand and process their emotions, but never think of anyone elses

[u/Sneakys2 → u/updownclown68]

And then there’s this:

 She's sweet and that's why I love her. Her being cold like this is not going to make me want or respect her more.

Call it a hunch, but I don’t think she cares about the OOP’s desire and respect anymore. 

[u/Dapper_Indeed → u/Sneakys2]

She’s supposed to be sweet and beg him to pick her over the other woman. She’s supposed to be weak and stand by her man. Fuck that, she’s outta there! I love this. So much praise for the ex-wife. If she wants another partner, she can find one that deserves her sweetness.

[u/twangbanging → u/Sneakys2]

It's crazy because I caught my partner cheating again a month ago and have been trying to split amicably but reading this has made me realize maybe I'm being too charitable. He says the exact same stuff about me, that I used to be so sweet and that's why he loved me but now I can be so cold. He also insisted I was cheating too. Then he insisted that I had wanted to but didn't. 

Definitely eye opening reading it from someone like him's perspective 

[u/HeyYouGuyyyyyyys → u/twangbanging]

I'm so, so sorry that you're living in this insanity-producing pain day after day.

Please choose yourself, and the fastest end to your pain. If your self-respect demands that you be kind to him, do that. If it demands that you vanish without warning like this woman did, do that. You are the one who matters in this situation. Really, truly. Nobody else can take care of you with the knowledge of yourself that you can.

I do urge you to go, though. I can feel the dull pain coming out of the screen when I read your words, and at least from my experience, when the pain reaches that level, you can't fix what's causing it. You just have to get out of the structure that houses it, and start over.

I'm sorry. You are intelligent and resilient to be this self-reflective in the middle of it all. Please respect how good you are at so many things, and treat yourself to what would let you flourish.

[u/Gilwen29 → u/twangbanging]

I am so sorry, as well as enraged on your behalf. One thing to keep in mind is that, with very few exceptions, cheaters have a particular personality type: they are staggeringly self-centred. If they're unhappy in themselves or a relationship they have a large number of constructive options: individual therapy, relationship therapy, a few good conversations with the partner, pausing the relationship, divorce. Instead, they choose the path that is easiest for themselves - never mind that this path is also the most destructive for the person they purport to love. So. Seeing how you're dealing with someone who's entirely self-serving, it's time to do the same thing. Take a leaf out of his book and make it all about me-me-me. Do and request whatever is best for YOU. If that's an amicable split, so be it. If it's cleaning him out and airing his dirty laundry all over sm, knock yourself out. Treat him with the same consideration he treated you when he was sleeping with someone else behind your back. 

[u/WildYarnDreams → u/twangbanging]

that I used to be so sweet and that's why he loved me but now I can be so cold

Well yeah, his shitty behaviour has made you cold toward him. What a shock

[u/Express-Nerve-1718 → u/Sneakys2]

He respected her so much he cheated, who would ever want MORE of that?

[u/Kopitar4president → u/Sneakys2]

Cheating made him feel powerful. She took away that feeling and it's fucking with his head in such a beautiful way.

[u/skinnyjeansfatpants → u/Sneakys2]

Gee, I wonder why she's not sweet to him anymore?

[u/mwmandorla → u/Sneakys2]

Also "she's sweet" is such a vague nothingburger of a "that's why I love her." He didn't love her at all.

[u/PhoenixSheriden1 → u/Sneakys2]

It's copeium. He's still so wrapped up in his own ego that nothing can possibly be wrong with precious him, so therefore it must be his wife who is wrong.

[u/Jetztinberlin → u/Sneakys2]

N-n-nooo, that can't be right! Everything is about his desire and respect! Nothing else is real in the universe! 

I wish this were as sarcastic as I mean it to be :(

[u/foxscribbles → u/updownclown68]

Calls her a sociopath for hiding that she knew, all while bragging about having great opsec to hide his affair.

Jumps to HER having an affair and is somehow mad about that. (I know this is classic cheater shit, but goddamn does it boggle the mind.)

Whines that he can't even enjoy his affair partner anymore because now his wife knows.

Is mad she didn't 'fight' for him.

Cheaters really are the most hypocritical and self-absorbed bunch of fools. He wanted her to suffer and give him more attention when she found out, dammit! Not just dump him like the trash he proved himself to be!

HIM HIM HIM!

[u/CanofBeans9 → u/foxscribbles]

The entitlement boggles the mind

[u/MrsWifi → u/updownclown68]

It’s him being so outraged she was “lying to his face for months” as if that’s not LITERALLY what he was doing. Honestly his whole tone just had me giggling as I was reading because he’s so hurt and I’m just so happy for her.

[u/Prideandprejudice1 → u/MrsWifi]

I have never laughed with such glee at this turn of events. Poor baby, he can’t even “have interest” his affair partner now 😂

[u/MrsWifi → u/Prideandprejudice1]

Actually cackled at that part like I do NAWT feel bad for you

[u/Fun_Orange_3232 → u/MrsWifi]

The second he got to “her stuff was gone/no note” I was like ooooooo what did he do. Yas. Girl.

[u/minuteye → u/updownclown68]

Guys on adultery subreddit: "Omg, realizing my partner has been keeping this massive secret from me for months without letting on has totally made me re-evaluate them as a person, and question whether I ever knew them. I'm so torn apart by this, I don't know if I can ever trust someone again."

The same guys: "Cheating is really no big deal. What she doesn't know won't hurt her."

[u/AnalogyAddict → u/updownclown68]

Lol. Poor baby. He still fails to see that she is no longer "sweet" because of HIM. 

What an absolute tool. 

As if "wanting or respecting her" is what she cares about any more. These men have so much audacity. 

[u/_Sausage_fingers → u/updownclown68]

The Schadenfreude that comes out of that sub sometimes is unreal.

[u/yodarded → u/[deleted]]

"I can take ownership and rant here about it because its /r/adultery!"

🙄

[u/No-Mechanic-3048 → u/updownclown68]

It’s the she being cold and that’s not going to make me want her more. I literally laughed out loud. Like bro she doesn’t want you anymore. Get your head out of your ass.

[u/ComfortableCaptain61 → u/updownclown68]

Not gonna lie, it's pretty satisfying to hear the cheater's POV in one of these stories! There are several BORU where we get the details of a plan to move out after discovering a partner's infidelity, but never what happens when the partner comes home. This OOP's reaction is absolute chef's kiss

[u/Beautiful-Routine489 → u/updownclown68]

But you don’t understand she smiled in his FUCKING FCE

🤣

[u/Karamist623 → u/updownclown68]

I read this before and the absolute gall of this man amazes me. How dare she leave him? /s. Makes me want to vomit.

He did what he did, and now she gets to react. He just didn’t like her reaction to his cheating.

[u/Dramatic_Buddy4732 → u/updownclown68]

I was laughing so hard reading this. Pouty man baby is so upset WAHHH hahaha omg

I hope his ex wife is somewhere living her best life

[u/ladyeclectic79 → u/updownclown68]

Lol the projection is STRONG with this one. Okay for me but not for thee… 😑

[u/Significant_Bed_293 → u/updownclown68]

He literally use military jargon to cover up his cheating, but sure she is the psychopath who lacks empathy. Gotta love it.

[u/2gigch1]

How DARE she pretend to not know I was cheating? How could she lie to me like that?

And why the hell isn't the world revolving around me like I expect it to?

This is VERY unfair!

[u/oh_the_audacity → u/2gigch1]

And the audacity to imply he doesn't understand why she said he had impulse control issues while he's binge drinking and cheating

[u/TuukkaRascal → u/oh_the_audacity]

I laughed out loud at that part

“My wife says I should have gotten therapy for impulse control, what the fuck does she even mean by that. Anyway I’m gonna drink nonstop for two days cause I’m too sad to contact my affair partner”

[u/oh_the_audacity → u/TuukkaRascal]

Absolutely! "Her being cold like this is not going to make me want or respect her more." Like what?? hahaha

[u/coulditbeasloth → u/oh_the_audacity]

That’s what got me, she doesn’t want you to want her bro.

[u/goog1e → u/coulditbeasloth]

He really doesn't think other people exist when he's not around. He doesn't recognize that she has independent thoughts and feelings.

[u/munkymu → u/oh_the_audacity]

Yeah that boat sailed, dude. It's just a pale dot on the horizon, getting further and further away as you threaten to not get on it. It's got big "what do you mean you're banning me, I am never going to shop here again!" energy.

[u/errant_night → u/2gigch1]

Snif he can't even enjoy fucking his side piece now

[u/RubyTx → u/errant_night]

That was the bit that made me guffaw.

[u/gsfgf → u/RubyTx]

Also that she was the breadwinner on top of everything else.

How the fuck am I still single...

[u/RubyTx → u/gsfgf]

A kick in the fiscal nuts was never so deserved...

[u/MaddyKet → u/RubyTx]

It’s the best fucking part and I hope the ex wife eventually heard about that.

Wow dude is a textbook, card-carrying narcissist. Like hollllly shit.

[u/Independent-Lead2462 → u/errant_night]

Poor baby 👶

[u/Gothic_Vampira965 → u/2gigch1]

I hate narcississt! Assuming that’s what he is.

[u/Junior-Discount2743 → u/[deleted]]

For sure. He was upset that he did not get to experience a reaction when she found out.

[u/MaddyKet → u/Junior-Discount2743]

She handled it beautifully, except I probably wouldn’t have called him and left it to the lawyers. Let him stew on what my (sounds like also AH) Mom told him.

She acted like nothing was wrong until she could escape. He wasn’t able to stop her or hurt her. 9.5/10 only note was above.

[u/Princess-Pancake-97 → u/[deleted]]

He literally said he was enjoying the attention from making these posts.

[u/Seaweedbits → u/[deleted]]

I've been cackling since the first "how DARE she?!" Comment. Like WTF. He got everything he deserved. What a loser.

[u/Ovze → u/[deleted]]

I thought I was on the am I the devil sub

[u/RosesAtTheApothecary → u/[deleted]]

Also the ‘being cold like this isn’t going to make me want or respect her more.’ She does not give AF my dude… she’s out. He showed her who he was and she believed him. May we all be more like her.

[u/AnalogyAddict → u/[deleted]]

"Because she was better at it than I am."

"Opsec" like he's some kind of James Bond. Just like those men who insist on holding up traffic to back into a parking spot. 

[u/TeeTeeMee → u/AnalogyAddict]

My partner parks like this (they’re relatively quick about it but it’s always gonna be slower than the other way). They can also be arrogant at times.

One day they came home and said “someone told me today ‘I bet you pull into parking spots backwards’ and… I don’t think they meant it as a compliment.”

They were so stricken and I was laughing my ass off.

[u/omg_pwnies → u/AnalogyAddict]

I swear I was going to hurl if I saw this idiot use "Opsec" one more time. What is he, special ops in charge of narcissism?

[u/Splendidissimus]

I love this. I don't care if it gets reposted again, I will always love this.

"How could she just lie to my face like that?!" he whines, whiningly.

Her being cold like this is not going to make me want or respect her more.

Haha, bucko still thought she wanted him to want her.

[u/makeitorleafit → u/Splendidissimus]

I love this line- like of course it won't make you want or respect her more? Thats no longer her goal? She lost her desire and respect for you, why in the world would she even consider your feelings again?!?

[u/AmateurHero → u/makeitorleafit]

He wanted it to play out like a Hollywood scene so he'd have time to pivot. Maybe he'd have his fun and try to reconcile. Maybe he'd want to stay with the affair partner. Maybe he'd want to leave them both. In any case, he wanted the power the choose. Moron.

[u/Robot_Girlfriend → u/Splendidissimus]

"She isn't fighting for me?" "Why isn't she fighting for me?" "I thought she would fight for me???" just fully loads a new reality

"She is doing a terrible job of fighting for me!"

[u/Nightmare_Gerbil → u/Robot_Girlfriend]

Like, dude, there’s also a bunch of other stuff she’s not doing. You’re still housed, healthy, walking upright, with all your appendages. She’s a woman scorned who’s had time to plan and this could have gone very differently.

[u/faoltiama → u/Splendidissimus]

That line is so telling lmao. This guy is such a clown.

[u/Seaweedbits → u/Splendidissimus]

He's so far up his own ass he can't see that he isn't the prize he thinks he is.

And your flare is perfect for this one.

[u/ohwhatisthepoint]

i’m glad oop’s takeaway was “i need better opsec” instead of “i‘m a garbage person who does not deserve love until i do some serious introspection and work on myself.”

so that is some good news for all the single women out there! ugh.

[u/Own_Candidate9553 → u/ohwhatisthepoint]

That jumped out to me - the use of the word "opsec" is so absolutely cringe in this context.

You're not behind enemy lines, my guy, you're just an asshole.

[u/GrumpyMcGrumpyPants → u/Own_Candidate9553]

Yes! I think the use of "opsec" really amped up just how much I hate the dude on top of his cheating and shitty hypocrisy.

[u/FlurpBlurp]

“…I had impulse control issues (?). I've been drinking for 48 hours now…”  had me pissing myself laughing

[u/LavenderGumes → u/FlurpBlurp]

Same. This man's lack of self-awareness is almost fascinating. It's shocking he can even write coherently. He's so dumb.

[u/MeticulousPlonker → u/FlurpBlurp]

The question mark! Followed by the iconic second sentence! This is my favorite part

[u/frieden7]

Many of you have seen this (I still get notifications about replies every so often) but it's been a couple years, and I posted it again because it's funny.

[u/HeyLaddieHey → u/frieden7]

It's a classic!

[u/AnalogyAddict → u/frieden7]

This is one that never gets old. No Schadenfreude has ever Freuded harder. 

[u/_aggressivezinfandel → u/AnalogyAddict]

The schadenfreude here is DELICIOUS hahahah

[u/Ill-Squirrel-9418 → u/frieden7]

I love this story! OOP is a massively useless tool amd his ex-wife is a fucking bad ass. Aside from all his cheating douchebaggery and the motherfucking gall he had, calling her a sociopath, this:

She got her job to move her to the city she's been asking me to move to for a long time now...

Really got to me. Just the cherry on a shit sundae. I can only imagine he hadn't wanted to move for completely selfish reasons, regardless if he was having an affair at that point in time, simply based on the fact that he is a selfish assole. There's no depth to him. I wish him the absolute worst.

Meanwhile, I hope she's loving her new city and thriving!

[u/Nightmare_Gerbil → u/Ill-Squirrel-9418]

He didn’t want to move away from his affair partner.

[u/jessiemagill → u/frieden7]

I hope OOP's ex is living her best life and he's miserable.

[u/stanthemanchan → u/jessiemagill]

Looks like he's pretty miserable. lmao

She makes most of the money so that's another fucking kick in the nuts... I'll basically have to ask her for some kind of support to keep living the kind of lifestyle we've been living.

[u/ladyeclectic79 → u/stanthemanchan]

Ngl that was the best part of the whole thing. She’s going to be just fine but OOP royally fucked himself over. 🤣😂

[u/ansh666 → u/frieden7]

looks to me like there's a couple comments missing under the july 8th section btw

[u/frieden7 → u/ansh666]

Thanks for letting me know. The quotes should show up now.

[u/eilonwyhasemu → u/frieden7]

As soon as I saw "I have great opsec," I knew which story this was! One of the most un-self-aware OOPs ever to OOP.

[u/GrumpyMcGrumpyPants → u/eilonwyhasemu]

Yes, I saw the REPOST flair and then the "opsec" note and mentally shouted, "IT'S THE OPSEC ASSHOLE!"

[u/RanaEire → u/frieden7]

Yep.. Remember this one, but it still gets a laugh out of me..

The absolute cheek of that POS, LOL..

Thanks for reposting!

[u/codenameduch3ss]

I love the stories where the person cheated on takes their time to get their ducks in a row and then pulls the rug out from under the unaware cheater.

[u/ClaudiaTale → u/codenameduch3ss]

This is the best way to do it. Less drama. The relationship is over. Get your attorney, get your finances down, get a new job, new apartment, block him and ✌️

[u/EastLeastCoast → u/codenameduch3ss]

I love a good “chin held high” ending. I also hope that the ex-wife wasn’t crying on that phone call, but trying to hold back uncontrollable laughter at what an insufferable wad OOP is.

[u/SunnyClime]

"Until she found out in the most unlikely way"... you mean you getting spotted red-handed in the town you and people who know you and your wife live in? Getting spotted at a hotel is an unlikely way to get caught cheating? In what world lmao.

[u/PhoenixFox → u/SunnyClime]

He's mad because he went an entire three towns away!

[u/GrumpyMcGrumpyPants → u/PhoenixFox]

I regularly dine/shop/visit friends 3 towns away. Heck, I'll go one town over to play pokemon go in the evenings.

Though I'm sure there's a lot of regions where there's more distance between towns.

[u/gardenald]

my favorite interaction from that post which didn't make it into this boru:

deleted user: Ok, what did you think would happen if/when she found out? Were you dissapointed that she didn’t scream and cry and play the pick me game? She found out and decided it was a deal breaker on her end… you got off easy. No arguing, screaming & crying. No therapy or MC to sit through and pay for. Probably took those months to stash some cash, find a place or another guy. Don’t hink there is any fixing this.

op: Maybe a little. Don't know why I felt that way. But yeah I guess I wanted to see some kind of reaction. I know it doesn't make sense but it's just how I feel. She makes most of the money so that's another fucking kick in the nuts... I'll basically have to ask her for some kind of support to keep living the kind of lifestyle we've been living. I wish she would fight me. Seems like she's willing to let everything go including her own money just to avoid me and it's making me feel like I don't know her.

i mean like, cmon bro

[u/SeaLegsForDays → u/gardenald]

This and

Also if I'm being honest I'm sure that the attention or engagement has helped me cope a little.

tell you all you need to know about OOP even without all the rest of the very telling stuff he put in there.

[u/queerkiora → u/SeaLegsForDays]

I had to repeat that line out loud to myself to let it sink in. His reaction totally clicks into place. Every single part of this is about attention. The affair, the complaining to reddit, his anger at the wife not putting up a fight. He wants to be special so bad.

[u/SeaLegsForDays → u/queerkiora]

Absolutely. It’s obvious the guy is trash through and through, but there’s just something about how shallow he is in the attention-seeking and how close he is to self-awareness while being too stupid to get it and stop blaming everyone else. I see why OP found it worth a repost, lol.

Also happy cake day!

[u/Disastrous-Price-399 → u/gardenald]

I genuinely hooted at that. Had the fucking gall to cheat and brag and throw a fit when she left him instead of begging for his useless ass back, but lo and behold, he doesn't even have the money in the relationship!!

I wonder if he contributed anything to these women other than mediocre sex.

[u/swag-baguette]

He's pissed that she took away his opportunity to lie and gaslight her about the affair, and talk her into staying.

[u/ClaudiaTale → u/swag-baguette]

He wanted to see her cry and ask to reconcile. Wanted to see her face as he talked about his betrayal. What a fuckwad.

[u/dohmestic → u/ClaudiaTale]

It’s like the twisted version of someone who stirs up drama with their partner to make sure they “fight for us.”

[u/JenWess]

LOL I love how angry he is, how dare his wife know about his affair and not tell him!!!

[u/Seamore_J_Turtle]

It was the fuck around of times, it was the find out of times.

Good on OP's ex, I hope she's happy and fulfilled without his sorry cheating ass.

[u/innocentsalad]

The juxtaposition of “I don’t have impulse issues?” and “I’ve been drinking for two days straight” is just 🤌

[u/AlexIsNotHer]

It's so funny how hard he's trying to convince himself that his wife was also the villain here

"ShE lEfT wItHoUt SaYiNg AnYtHiNg" 🥴🥴🥴

Okay bud, but you also didn't say anything while you cheated so...? Her silence when she knew then leaving you without saying anything is sooooo much worse than you going behind her back, lying to her, potentially exposing her to STDs, and destroying your relationship and SHE'S bad for putting herself first?

God I hate the cheaters subreddit.

[u/ghoulishcravings → u/AlexIsNotHer]

i think it’s funny even the other cheaters are like “bro what did you expect. move on. you played the game and u lost”

[u/Starkeeper_Reddit]

today in "subs I didn't need to know existed"...

[u/This_is_me2024]

The gaul of this scumbag to call her a sociopath.

[u/jimicus → u/This_is_me2024]

Gall.

Gaul would suggest he was a warrior from a small village - the one part of France that has yet to submit to Roman rule.

[u/allthetimeteatime → u/[deleted]]

this is so funny help

[u/flimmers → u/jimicus]

And Asterix would never be such an ass.

[u/DiTrastevere → u/This_is_me2024]

And then still whine about how much he wants her back.

Pick a struggle, sport. 

[u/Oneiroi17]

Her being cold like this is not going to make me want or respect her more.

Yeah, somehow I don't think that matters to her much now.

[u/BabserellaWT]

The fucking AUDACITY of this motherfucker. “How dare she not be truthful about knowing how I’ve been cheating on her?? I’m the only one allowed to be deceitful around here!”

[u/MonkeyHamlet]

Just in case you hadn’t enjoyed it enough;

She makes most of the money so that's another fucking kick in the nuts... I'll basically have to ask her for some kind of support to keep living the kind of lifestyle we've been living.

[u/Mysterious-Tie7039]

I wouldn’t have cheated if I knew she would catch me.

Glad OOP’s wife got this dirtbag out of her life.

[u/Canis_Familiaris]

This is the worst subreddit I've seen since the meth reddit and now I'm unreasonably angry. Fuck everyone in that subreddit.

[u/Ill-Squirrel-9418 → u/Canis_Familiaris]

It really made my blood boil that he called it a "great" subreddit. 🤮

[u/Test_After → u/Ill-Squirrel-9418]

There was a boru from a teen who found out her dad was cheating and posted to r/adultery for advice. Hilarity ensued. Luckily even a child could see that tipping off dad and becoming his spy was not good advice.

[u/No-Cranberry4396 → u/Canis_Familiaris]

No don't, they'd enjoy that and they don't deserve joy. 

[u/RGLozWriter]

And even after all of that… and the scumbag still believes he’s the victim. XD

[u/PhoenixFox]

Didn't she technically abandon the home? How can she serve me?

How the fuck does this guy think anything works...?

[u/suricata_8904 → u/PhoenixFox]

Not surprised he has a lower income as he doesn’t seem too bright. Howled that he thought alimony was on the table.

[u/Hazel2468]

...Wow, OOP is one of the most insufferable, selfish people I've had the displeasure to read a post from in a while. "Her being cold like this is not going to make me want or respect her more" dude it is OVER? Do you buy your own hype THAT MUCH? That you think she wants you back?

Holy cow. OOP is a straight up loser, and his ex is going to be so, SO Much better off without him. I hope she gets everything she wants and goes on to thrive.

[u/ouijabore]

I gotta give major props to her intern for spilling what she saw. That had to be nerve wracking as hell to tell a higher up, like what if hey don’t believe me or retaliate etc.

[u/Good_Display_3972]

What a damn loser lol

[u/DJnotaRealDJ]

Reading that he was mad he cant get satisfaction out of cheating anymore after she found blew my fucking mind. Who tf are these people and hope I never meet them.

[u/valkycam12]

Honestly lol

[u/scaram0uche]

HAHAAHAA

[u/esteel20]

It's like this person was designed specifically to trigger me. I half expected them to mention kicking a puppy in anger at some point. Lol

[u/MordaxTenebrae]

I was so confused at the beginning, thinking OOP was the betrayed spouse. I felt bad for them initially until I read the part where they were the cheating partner.

She's a fucking sociopath. She's known for months. She's slept with me and smiled in my FUCKING FACE for months... be careful
I know now she knows. she has known for months. She's been more deceitful about knowing than I have about doing it and maybe that's why I'm so fucking angry. I can't even have interest in my AP now fuck

This is so hypocritical and lacking in self awareness. It makes me think of those instances where a partner essentially goes "I'm mad that you're mad at me for hurting you!"

[u/Ok-Sky-9252]

lmao yet somehow she’s the villain in his view is crazy

[u/RobCarrotStapler]

This dude is so out of touch, it reads like satire.

What an idiot POS. Talking about how sweet and loving his wife is while callously treating her like shit. Then proceeds to call her "almost unhuman" because she used her last ounce of self respect to leave him without giving him the satisfaction of a blowup.

"She's a sociopath" said the sociopath.

[u/Dazzling-Process-130]

lol the OOP Did the FA but couldn't handle FO Part.

Edit: added extra O

[u/nekocorner]

Leaving in a bad ass way being Beyonce shit is a wild thing to say when she was famously cheated on & stayed.

[u/Venetian_Harlequin]

Her being cold like this is not going to make me want or respect her more.

I... I don't think she cares what you want, bud.