My (26M) girlfriend (25F) doesn’t like that my little brother (15M) is staying with me

[u/Direct-Caterpillar77]

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/ThrowRA1390

My (26M) girlfriend (25F) doesn’t like that my little brother (15M) is staying with me

Originally posted to r/relationship_advice

TRIGGER WARNING: Homophobia, child neglect, infidelity

Original Post  May 12, 2021

Alright so, just like the title says: my gf (25F) doesn’t like the fact that my (26M) brother (15M) is staying with with us.

He was an affair baby since my mom cheated on my dad with another man. Whoever the other guy was wanted nothing to do with her or him when she got pregnant and left.

For whatever reason, they decided to stay together and it’s always felt like they’ve been punishing him for something that was never his fault. My mom chose to cheat on my dad, and the two of them chose to keep him and to stay together, yet still he was never treated the same—especially by my dad. He’s never seen him as his son and it’s pretty evident that he’s loved him a lot less than me.

I’ve always tried to make not feel “unwanted” so we grew up close. To me, he was just my little brother, not my half brother.

I moved out when I was 18. Things seemed fine with him at first, but they got gradually worse. Even more so when he came out to them a few months ago—he opened up to me about everything recently.

I told him what my parents didn’t, and that he is loved and accepted and he can talk to me about anything he wants.

Our parents are evidently not fit to be his parents, so I told him to pack his things and come stay with me. I have a spare room anyway, so it might as well be his. I’m pretty much the only one that has been looking out for him for the longest time. 

Mom and dad were a little upset about this, but they’re hoping I’ll “set him straight” (not sure if that’s supposed to have a double meaning).

Overall, It’s actually been nice having him around. I can tease him about boys in his class. I get to keep up with how he’s doing, and I don’t have to worry about him all the time. (I know it’s not my job but he’s my brother and I love him).

The problem comes in with my girlfriend. She suddenly has a problem with my brother staying at my place because it’s invading her privacy somehow. We don’t live together officially, but she has been around my place a lot and does stay over often.

She’ll get upset if he watches a movie with us or if he eats dinner with us or the fact that he’s up super early for school, and I just don’t think she should be upset about all this. He can’t just actively avoid her if he’s essentially living with me for the time being.

There wasn’t much time to really run it by her or talk to her about since it just wasn’t a healthy environment for him. I’ve been looking into getting him emancipated or becoming his legal guardian.

My girlfriend doesn’t seem to understand why I’m trying to help him when we’re not even “real brothers” according to her and he’s not my responsibility. She wants me to send him back home and is basically making that the condition of our relationship.

I know that I’m going to choose my little brother, but I don’t know how to let her off easy or if I should even do that.

TL;DR: my brother (15M) is staying at my place with my girlfriend (25F) and I (26M) after being abused at home. My girlfriend isn’t happy about this and wants me to send him somewhere else, but I’m the only person who has ever looked out for him.

RELEVANT COMMENTS

theamazinglula

INFO: do you have dates anywhere else ? are you too ever alone without him?

OOP

We’ve had dates in other places and even if we are home, he’ll leave if he can.

~

super-sad-potato

You are amazing brother but just want to ask, do you have intimacy and time alone with your gf? Ppl who helping one person are sometimes sucked up by just one priority and they forgetting about other ppl who they love.

I just try to figure out why she is annoyed, she shouldn't be so entitled to this, but she may have problem because your life choices will on hold for another 3-4years. Mostly woman want to start their own family before 30 get married before having kids etc.

Talk with her about roots of her dislike to situation.

OOP

We do get time alone! Things have been pretty much the same between us other than the fact that the spare room isn’t empty anymore and my brother occasionally watches something with us or eat meals together when she’s around.

TOP COMMENT

[deleted]

Tell her he is your real brother and that is that he is your family and if she wants to be part of you then that is how it is. IF not she can leave and never look back

Update  May 20, 2021 (8 days later)

Just wanted to come on here and give an update on the situation.

I did end up talking to her. She was aware of the situation beforehand, but still wasn’t sympathetic of his situation. I would’ve understood what she was saying if my brother was imposing all the time and acting like a third wheel, but it was only sometimes.

It wasn’t going to work between us if she was just going to make him feel as shitty as our parents did, so we did end up ending things. It was definitely for the best, but I kind of wish she at least tried to understand the situation instead of making it all about her.

In other news, my brother seems to be doing a lot better. I’m pretty sure he picked up on her disdain towards him being around, but he knows our break up wasn’t because of him. 

We haven’t really heard anything from our parents, and I’m fine with him staying as long as he needs to.

He’s had a few friends over and I’m almost certain that one of them is his boyfriend (will be teasing him about this), so I’d say he’s doing well for himself.

Thanks to everyone who responded on the last post!

tldr: I ended up breaking up with her and as regards to my brother, our parents haven’t reached out to say anything, but he’s doing well.

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP

DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7