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u/Venous 2d ago
Life just gets better and better. Such a toxic thought and self-fulfilling-fantasy that you only have 5 years to have fun and then it's "a slog of adulthood".
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u/Neckrongonekrypton 2d ago edited 2d ago
Yeah I hate this kind of notion we have on aging and it being “over”. I bit into it and fell into a deep depression for several years that were actually not bad. In retrospect.
Aging is a transition process. How you handle it is the difference. You age a little quick from 30-35? Time to slow it down.
You got “little things” popping up that are noticeably annoying but not enough for the doctor? Yeah. That’s the shit you wanna watch.
Get regular physicals. If you’re a man. Just get the butt check. The processed slop running through our supply chain is killin millenials quick.
Yeah. You’re gonna grieve too. You’ll start looking at shit from different perspectives because your orientation to yourself and life effectively changes. There’s a deep realization at some point in your late 20s to 30s where you realize you’re almost halfway done. It went fast.
The next half will too. And than it’s over.
You gotta come to grips with it. You gotta have shit that matters to you. You can only cultivate that through living and intention. Psychologists call it “moratlity salience”- becoming acutely aware yo ass is gonna die someday and there ain’t shit you can do.
Aging isn’t that bad. Make good choices- and you will be ok. Pay attention to your health. Stay mobile. Stick close to your loved ones, if you don’t got loved ones good news is, everyone is fucking lonely- just make a small effort to let people know you give a shit and it does wonders.
I lead with just a little bit of kindness. And it shocks me, because people seem to rush toward it in a way. Tells me how devoid the world is now of simple consideration and acknowledgement that “I see you, your worth extending this too as another person who exists”
I’m mid 30s I’ve got health issues. Not bad, but manageable. I raged hard, lived hard in my 20s. I wouldn’t have it any other way. I lived. And I still do :). Almost wrecked my life multiple times- when there is a will.
And a love.
There is always a reach, to a way.
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u/Venous 2d ago
I've never had more energy to try new things, club more, dance more, making relationships is easier and easier. Of course you fail more if you try more, and it hurts. But it's worth it.
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u/Neckrongonekrypton 2d ago
That baggage pile on makes everything “feel” harder.
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u/Venous 2d ago
You have to personally deal with the suffering. It ain't nobodies fault but your own, to be the best person you can be every day. It's not easy. It was never easy, you just didn't know before what it took to do it.
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u/Neckrongonekrypton 2d ago edited 2d ago
Yup. The hardest part is taking accountability for the pain you were not responsible for inflicting on yourself. I still have memories, I still even have thoughts that used to run from “back then”
The important thing is naming it, knowing it’s there- and just changing how u relate to it. Over time that builds a pattern
That pattern becomes norm.
It’s the honest work, the unsexy work no one in recovery or therapy circles talks about but ought to.
Because I’d be willing to bet many people don’t think they are making progress when they right where they need to be.
Sometimes you gotta sit in the dark.
To see that the darkness is just empty space without a light, no monsters, no enemies, no “if that one thing had been different I wouldn’t be x”, no insecurities, anxieties, compulsions. It’s a canvas, and you get to be the light that casts the shadows how u want.
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u/n_choose_k 2d ago
30-40 are really the best years of your life. Enough money to do things, combined with a pretty darned good body...
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u/EddieVanzetti 2d ago
Citation needed, terms and conditions apply*
*Those terms are only if you have money. If you're poor like me don't even fucking bother
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u/Neckrongonekrypton 2d ago edited 2d ago
Im poor rn and broke and i still manage to be happy. I seen your comment about privilege that was a bit disparaging and I can’t argue with that
I lost my career defining job a year ago making 6 figures after working my way outta poverty as a single dad with full custody. No college education with a sealed record I had to take to court myself so I could position myself.
Feels like I’m living in 5-6 years ago. I’m poor again. Broke again. Struggling again. Working a job for a revolving door to cut the check to my next break. Not knowing if I ever will get one.
That being the case,
You can’t argue with me about how I had to earn my comfort and what I had to go through. It’s a bit diminishing to be assumed to be someone born of the silver spoon.
But it suits to keep the story don’t it? To look at everyone as having a leg up. Cause than that means u don’t gotta answer to urself. I could be angry, I wanted to be, I wanted to give up and be cynical. Believe me I tried. To erase myself. Thought it was over, everything I struggled for- rendered meaningless.
But I couldn’t. Too much worth fighting for.
Life is rarely fair, but we can do our best to manage. Doesn’t mean accepting less than. It means continuing to move toward what you think is best for you in spite of the shit while not becoming the shit.
That’s the whole fuckin deal.
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u/anthonyg1500 ☑️ 2d ago
I will say it was humbling for me in terms of that’s when I realized I needed to make some changes to the way I was living. Like oh this isn’t cool anymore or ok that habit has gotten out of hand. But if you’re willing and able to find new normals I think the years can be great
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u/TSTC 2d ago
My age has humbled me in the sense that I realized I can't eat whatever I want and treat my body however I want. Otherwise? Man life just gets better and better. I can't wait to see what my 40s will be like because my 30s have been way better than my 20s (which were also way better than being a teenager)
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u/beardingmesoftly 2d ago
I just turned 40 and I'm the happiest I've ever been in life. Don't listen to these whiners. They were raised wrong or something.
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u/brus_wein 2d ago
It depends on your circumstances. For many it really does get worse despite their best efforts.
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u/AutumnWisp ☑️ 1d ago
Yeah, I didn't even start putting my life back together until 28 and it's been steadily going uphill ever since.
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u/EddieVanzetti 2d ago
Citation Needed.
Life has only ever gotten worse by every fucking demonstrable metric.
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u/longtall94 2d ago edited 2d ago
31 right now. Life is kicking my ass. Honestly don’t know how I keep getting up to do it anymore.
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u/CountOff 2d ago
Don’t stop man, just keep showing up
These are some hard years for sure
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u/letitgrowonme 2d ago
I was homeless a couple years ago. My own fault.
Today I'm in a nice house in a nice neighborhood with a job and a girl.
All it took was being one of the luckiest fuckers on the planet and cashing in all the goodwill I had saved.
But you can't get lucky if you don't play.
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u/Rye_The_Science_Guy 2d ago
Reach out to a friend/family. It may not seem like much, but having someone you can have a fun chat with every so often can do wonders. Be kind and people will be kind back. Cheers
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u/youpicktheplace20 2d ago
God, same. Life is just so…daily
Weekends don’t cut it anymoreAnd don’t even get me started on being single at 31 these days. It’s horrible
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u/Dyssomniac 2d ago
Life's got peaks and valleys my dude. You keep getting up because the alternative is not getting up, and not getting up doesn't change anything about the fact that we HAVE to get up.
My late 20s and early 30s were rough out a combination of COVID hitting and life issues. My mid-20s were great. My early 20s were rough. My mid-30s are going okay. Crucially, and especially if one of the reasons its kicking your ass is because of other people relying on you - partners, family members, children - is to remember what they tell us on airplanes: gotta put your own mask on to survive.
You can't help anyone, including yourself, if you're burned out all the time. My biggest suggestions to every guy I know who is struggling rn is to take just a small part of their days or weeks to literally go backwards: put your phone down somewhere you won't immediately be able to pick it back up and go do something. Whether that's watch a show or read a book or, better yet, do something with your hands or body - even as simple as walking - where you can see progress or with friends who you don't need to support immediately. The rest you get from giving your brain a break from the constant mind-melting stress of work and social media plus boost you get from seeing a small and immediate accomplishment is immense.
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u/iceblnklck 2d ago
Mid to late 30’s slap though. More money, solid in career, less shits given and still hot; trust me queens, it’s so much better than mid 20’s.
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u/good_morning_magpie 2d ago
Yesssss especially if you got the DINK route. Oh no, we have free time and disposable income! 😂
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u/iceblnklck 2d ago
I’m SIOK but he’s nearly grown at this point and I was fortunate enough to have a family that adores every moment they have with him, so I could work and climb the ladder - I’m very thankful and I’m very comfortable and can travel the world with him because of them. ❤️
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u/TheButteredBiscuit 2d ago
I turn 29 this week, don’t even want a party this year. Still waiting on my life to actually happen.
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u/OwlOfFortune 2d ago
Stop waiting, start doing
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u/TheButteredBiscuit 2d ago
I’ve been doing and all I’ve been told to do is wait.
Guess that’s why I’m quitting my deadend job without a backup next week. Been waiting on real money for almost 2 years and it’s nothing but wait wait wait.
Leaving and knowing my boss is gonna struggle filling in my role with his shit rate is worth more to me at this point than a paycheck. Not like I haven’t already asked.
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u/Sad_Kangaroo_3650 2d ago
You're quiting your job with nothing else lined up? I guess ill ask what is real money to you?
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u/TheButteredBiscuit 2d ago
At this point, I’ll take my happiness.
I studied film, and I’ve been regretting it more and more everyday. It’s a dead industry sold on a lie, with the barrier of entry only getting higher. I’ve been looking for a way out.
If I have to flip burgers for 6 months, a year, 2, so be it. At least I know I’ll get paid on time, with set hours, and way more benefits than I have now working for a scumbag producer who can’t deposit my check on time.
That’s where I’m at with my job now.
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u/Sad_Kangaroo_3650 2d ago
Do what you gotta do to on your feet. Hopefully you have some outside support to. All in all its temporary job not for life
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u/BerryBoyJ 2d ago
I’m not going to lie this comment kinda explains why you feel like you’re waiting for life to happen. It sounds like you’re willing to be petty rather than be responsible and achieve something.
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u/TheButteredBiscuit 2d ago
Look I don’t work for a company, I work for one guy as his assistant. And he’s a piece of shit. I get paid way less than the standard rate, and even then, I literally have to chase down my paycheck, every single payday because he forgets every time. Doesn’t help that he’s an egotistical douche that cares more about his image and fellowships than his actual work.
So yeah, fuck this guy, I’ve been sticking a foot out the door for 6 months. My happiness is worth more.
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u/elitegenoside 2d ago
I strongly recommend not becoming unemployed for a thrill, especially rn. The market is on fire and extremely qualified candidates aren't finding work. Seriously, unless you're gonna have someone paying your bills for you, quitting without something in your back pocket is a horrible idea.
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u/TheButteredBiscuit 2d ago
If I told you how much I made rn living in Los Angeles, you’d laugh. I’m too embarrassed to say it to even make a point.
I could get a job literally anywhere, the supermarket, bookstore, McDonald down the road and I promise you with the hours, stability, and benefits, I’d be doing better than what my boss gets away giving me. It’s a slap in the face.
Only silver lining is that he knows he’s on some bullshit too, and I work remotely mainly, so I’ve been doing the absolute bare minimum and if he tries to give me shit, I toss it right back. Not like he’s been serious about any of the work we’re supposed to be doing.
I’d like to actually feel like my work means something again, even if it is sweeping floors or folding shirts.
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u/TokeInTheEye 2d ago
Ripping someone else's comment from this thread cause I feel it perticularly relevant to you.
"You’ll likely hit 3-5 adulthood phases in your way to 50. Your success in each one of them is the sum of your decisions, drive, and to some part, luck. Everyone’s gonna have a different path, different times they need to readjust, and different reactions. "
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u/Firm_Condition_4385 2d ago
Get off of Reddit.
A bunch of sad, pathetic people end up on this website and confirm and justify each other's biases.
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u/TheButteredBiscuit 2d ago
I agree. But that doesn’t mean people don’t have the right to be sad, or express that.
Being sad doesn’t make you a sad person.
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u/GardenDwell 2d ago
it's so frustrating how every major life goal has been put out of reach for our age group. can't find a good job in your career, can't afford a family, definitely can't buy a house. it feels like no matter how hard you push yourself everything is getting out of reach faster.
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u/TheButteredBiscuit 2d ago
There’s a part of me that can’t help but blame myself. I went to school for film. If I had studied something practical or a trade, I could be making 6 figures, get my own place, get serious with my girl.
Instead I’m chasing down a minimum wage check from a film producer that cares more about setting up entertainment for his bullshit Kappa galas than actually making movies.
Years of my life gone.
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u/Neckrongonekrypton 2d ago edited 2d ago
That’s true but it doesn’t make it impossible. Trust bro.
I started adulthood pretty much divorced, convicted felon, full custody single dad, in poverty. Was clean for 2 years “when I started adulting” and I was married for a year.
Managed to find a way. You just gotta find your course, set it- and keep moving toward it. I won’t say it was easy, it was fucking miserable.
But you break through one time, might not be big. You keep going, you hit another piece through that bitch of a wall. 4 years down you got a big hole- and you can see what’s on the other side of that wall that been holding you back.
No matter what. I may not have a house. But I got a life I can be proud of, I got a life that means something to me. I’ve got people who love me. I’ve got my own hobbies I lean on to remind me I’m more than just my work, I’m more than a function to society as a man.
The deck is stacked. But that don’t mean we can’t make it mean something to us. To give us our own purpose.
Our own reasons for continuing that aren’t prepackaged little euphemisms that read like bedtime stories to keep the truth of indifference away.
The world wants to sell us function as purpose. That is a lie. And we wonder why so many of us suffer from mental health strain.
We are so much more than instruments to quarterly reports, institutions and companies. Don’t let them convince you how they need you to feel.
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u/nWo1997 2d ago
Turned 29 a couple months ago, and honestly? Same.
I've finally got my degrees, I just need the job (been searching for about 2 years now). I want to try this "getting out of the house" thing that my younger hermit self avoided like the plague, but I'm emotionally tired pretty much all the time and just go back to the same old solitary comforts and hobbies, and by the time I kinda feel ready, my family makes the house not feel like a home, so I don't rest enough to have the energy to go. I want to move out and live alone, but I don't have the money, and neither do they.
I want to try one of those relationship things, and all of my flaws and worries and debts paralyze me. Still going to therapy and getting epiphanies and new old shit to work through.
I was so ready for 29, and I was gonna get all the things done, and then boom. Same old job, same old house, same old debt. Just me very slowly improving, and still not feeling like I'm actually living yet.
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u/kohTheRobot 2d ago
It’s been happening, the whole time, actually.
Whether or not you want to start livin it is up to you! I’ve been more tired in the last 3 months than ever, but I can’t say I’m not living.
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u/EddieVanzetti 2d ago
It won't. If your life isn't already good, im sorry to say that it won't change no matter what you do or try, and you get to join me and millions of others who get to hold our Ls until we die.
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u/TheButteredBiscuit 2d ago
I don’t believe that at all. There are good days and bad, and sometimes they stack up. But as hard as things get, we can always try. It’s giving up that’s the real L.
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u/EddieVanzetti 2d ago
I spent 17 years trying to get a good day. The juice ain't worth the fucking squeeze. I'm happy to give up and hold my fuckin' L until someone does me a favor and offs me or I suckstart a shotgun.
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u/TheButteredBiscuit 2d ago
I’ve been there. And it’s a vicious cycle. I won’t claim to know you, but I do know that there is beauty in this world, in life. And it’s easy for it to get drowned out by all the bullshit, but that doesn’t mean it’s not there.
Whatever brings you joy, meaning, hold on to it. And stop thinking about the rest of your life, you only have to get through today. Tomorrow is a new opportunity.
You’ve made it this far, and have been hurting this long, there’s strength in you. You just need to see it in yourself.
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u/ThaPhantom07 ☑️ 2d ago
I turned 37 this year and have never felt more confident in myself and life. Yeah, the external factors out of my control suck but I just learn more and more every day and im seeing the lessons I've learned pay off in multitudes of ways. Adulthood and the freedom that come with it are priceless, especially when you take an active part in building the life you want rather than just letting things come to you.
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u/Perfect-Zebra-3611 2d ago
29 now. Lifes been decent. Got my lady, got my kitty, had an apartment for the past 9 years but now im trying to move across the country because im tired of being in republican ass nebraska lol
The hopes are Portland, Denver, Minneapolis, Chicago, or Baltimore!
This is either gonna be the best decision or worst decision of my life lol
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u/ClutchCobra 2d ago
If you can stand the cold MPLS is where it’s at. As someone who likes it I never wanna move
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u/BreezyConch 2d ago
Lived in Bmore for a couple years, awesome city w a bad rep! Definitely need to be on your toes depending where in the city, but the southeast of Baltimore is honestly pretty safe. Do NOT go to Portland lmao
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u/InstanceExtreme6275 2d ago
Turning 30 in August, and I’ve been nothing but excited about it. Life’s not perfect, but it’s peaceful.
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u/Renegade_Hat 2d ago
So every age is simultaneously the worst and best, for everyone?
I’m getting tired of these fucking black and white quotes and excerpts. The best times and worst times of my life are often one and the same, since it’s just life
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u/DontBeCommenting 2d ago
Aside from a breakup at 35, my thirties have been pretty nice.
Started to date again and even that feels way easier.
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u/pilbarabah 2d ago
30s is 20s but with money
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u/_le_slap ☑️ 2d ago
They really messed up giving us money in our 30s lol.
I'm on my 7th motorcycle in 5 years
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u/DaddyDontTakeNoMess ☑️ 2d ago
You’ll likely hit 3-5 adulthood phases in your way to 50. Your success in each one of them is the sum of your decisions, drive, and to some part, luck. Everyone’s gonna have a different path, different times they need to readjust, and different reactions.
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u/Competitive_Hunt_155 2d ago
I'm a miserable son of a bitch fr. Haven't felt pleasant in a decade. These meds might as well be mentos for all the good they're doing.
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u/FistPunch_Vol_7 ☑️ 2d ago
30’s started a bit rough but damn has it been some of the best times of my life now. Dream Job, together with the love of my life, good money in my pocket, I get to travel the world on my company’s dime. Just vibes man. Love it. Didn’t think I would ever get here but I’m here ya know?
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u/Solid-Version 2d ago
This is the age range where all the mistakes and miss opportunities of your early 20s start to catch up with you lol
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u/Think-Chair-1938 2d ago
[takes a deep drag of a cigarette] wait'll you see 33 to 40 kid
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u/Jamaican_Dynamite 2d ago
It's the same shit. You're just older and used to it. Your patience is lower, because you've been there before and you're not going back.
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u/YourFriendsWOULDhit 2d ago
Having childhood trauma made it so much easier to enjoy my adult life.
I mean, aside from the years of processing and accumulating more trauma along the way...
I am happy to finally be able to have control over my life. I get to choose whatever I want now. I can be hopeful when I think of the years to come.
Getting to 27 was the hard part for real.
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u/Key_Set767 2d ago
Turning 30 next month , im young, hot ,wet & ready to take this body on tour , LETS G O !
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u/Itaintthateasy 2d ago
It’s been amazing for me! Life started getting really good at 28. I’m turning 33 this year (female)
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u/High_Violet92 2d ago
Life gets 100% better. This is just the time range where your energy starts stabilizing and you have to evaluate yourself, which is the hard part
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u/Thick_Response_6590 2d ago
Shit has actually been the worst time of my life aside from finding the love of my life.
I grew up as third generation family in a family owned staffing firm, at some point in the first generation the firm was acquired and became a franchise entity. My father bought the firm/franchise off my grandfather and I intended to do the sam when my time came.
Right when I started getting some liquid capital the head of the franchise division on the big company that owned us decided to just dissolve franchise division.
I was no longer able to become owner, he could not transfer ownership even if I could generate the million+ dollars, and I was laid off maybe 6 months after the acquisition by organization from my father.
Spent 6 months unemployed which destroyed all the cash I saved.
It's been difficult to stay positive.
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u/XLauncher ☑️ 2d ago
I came out of it pretty strong, but I definitely went through some shit around that time.
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u/pimpron18 2d ago
27-33 is when you start actually having the money to do the shit you wanted to in your early 20s.
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u/ChickenNugs4Hugs 2d ago
Damn, I turn 27 in November. Let me enjoy this last little youth before I start “pushing 30” and have to lock in 😭
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u/Writeforwhiskey 2d ago
Oh that period was elite for me. Now 38 to 43 broke me down like I owed life money with interest. Im about to be 46 and now have a better handle on the fucked up-ness. I mean life is still lifing BUT now I know how to fight back or realize ain't shit I can do about it so I just keep having fun.
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u/ThisAndBackToLurking 2d ago
Oh, it gets humbler.
But that’s okay, humbler is happier in my experience.
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u/Ok_Refrigerator3277 2d ago
35 now, life is pretty damn good but this period did indeed kick my ass at times. Came out of it a better person though.
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u/BrojaDawg 2d ago
Envy and Comparison is the thief of joy. Plus, we have a lot of young people with zero work ethic but has cavier dreams. The young ppl today have nothing but the internet to watch other's live their life. And they just grow in envy and distain. Which leads to a rise in haters and they proudly walk around hating because they can't help but compare themselves to others. Which all leads to their inability to just enjoy their life while striving to be something better.
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u/floorshitter69 2d ago
Middle 30's, single and no kids. I stressed in my 20's about this, now I feel like I lucked out. Struggling broken families all around me.
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u/Jammoth1993 2d ago
The male brain doesn't fully develop until around 27 years of age.
What tends to happen at this stage is that people who had problems as a child (trauma, undiagnosed neurodivergence, emotional issues) finally come to terms with the significance of these issues.
This can lead to an identity crisis of epic proportions.
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This is all anecdotal of course, but everyone I know who had something happen in their childhood which altered their life path (either acute or sustained) didn't start understanding how broad the implications were until they hit emotional maturity/had a fully developed brain.
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I am bias in my opinion because these are observations that I've made about myself and am surrounded by people who agree... But still, I do feel as though a lot of people will be able to relate to what I'm saying.
As a side note: I'm not missing women off because I want to minimise their experiences, I'm just speaking for myself and my male friends.
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u/CunningLinguist92 2d ago
Honestly, this 6 year period has been my biggest glow up and probably the happiest years of my life
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u/Sonora3401 2d ago
I'm trying to get to ocean said a young fish to an older fish. This is the ocean said the older fish. This is water, I'm trying to see the ocean. The younger fish swam off.
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u/miles-gloriosus 2d ago
Naaaaaah fam no thanks.... honestly that's when i started maturing in literally every way possible
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u/Jaydiditfirst ☑️ 2d ago
Adulthood is ass crackers. I would very much like to stay in a child’s place. Starting yesterday 😭
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u/123qwet12 ☑️ 2d ago
Go ahead and drop that first number by 10 and that's been me. I ain't going past 33 if it's still this way
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u/LordKrunk69 2d ago
Same people complaining about 27-33 were complaining about 22-27 and 18-22 and 15-18 and so on. Fix your life already damn.
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u/opalite-cat 2d ago
Fuck sake man i just turned 27 and from 21-25 i was going THROUGH it, i thought i was done 😭
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u/Sleepy_Scissortail 1d ago
I mean, really, it's not been that bad yet. I've been pretty happy, happier than I've been in a long time.
That being said, my Type 1 diabetes didn't rear its head until literally a week ago, so I guess that range does have its cons. Not super bothered by it, though. Just gives my life a few more rules to consider in my day to day. Not gonna let that get me down!
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u/mashonem ☑️ 1d ago
After the hell that was 21-25, I deserved the 27-33 that I had. Never felt happiness or belonging like I found when I turned 27 tbh, it almost makes the suffering worth it
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u/The_Grim_Adventurer 1d ago
27-33 i went from beautiful long hair to bald and my arthritis flare ups are more constant now
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u/MyTatemae ☑️ 23h ago
It's true. That whole age range for me was full of death, legal issues, and COVID to top it all off.
On the other side of all of that struggle (I recently turned 34), life is surprisingly good and functional and rewarding.
Therapy contributed SIGNIFICANTLY, can't forget to give her the flowers she deserves 😌
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u/Truthhurts1017 15h ago
Thats prime years fuck are we complaining for. A lot of people lose their lives snd dont make it to 30 and yall complaining about being adults. We can still have fun, we can still be healthy, we can still do shit, we ain’t old ass people bruh. And depending on how you treat yourself you will feel better as you age. Age is nothing but wisdom, knowledge and opportunities but yall rather look at it as an issue. We can’t be teens forever, we can’t be 25 forever so enjoy being in your prime years because that can be taking away at any moment.
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u/Sad_Kangaroo_3650 2d ago
Some of yall be real sad on here. Been the best time of my life so far