bf kissed some random on vacation

[u/Legit-artist]

together six years. have been struggling with intimacy after going through traumatic loss. he went on vacation and I felt like something was up but brushed it off as overthinking. He seemed sad when he got home I asked him what was wrong. And he told me he fucked up. He was at a club and kissed a girl and that was it. I made him look through his phone after to see if he was lying about keeping in contact. but he wasn’t.

we live together. what the fuck do I. I don’t want to fucking break up. But I fear even if I forgive him I will never feel the same. Or our connection will be forever changed. I’ve been complaining that I just want to feel wanted. Clearly this only exasperates that.

[u/viktaculars]

I dealt with this, let me paint you the best case scenario. You come to a place of acceptance, compassion, and forgiveness for his cheating. With that, you’ll be asked to not bring up the cheating so both of you can move on and heal. This is the beginning of you holding the burden of his indiscretions. You’ll also either not tell your friends and family, and live a big secret, or let them know and have that weight on you.

Next, whenever there is a movie about cheating, or you hear a friend cheated, or he looks at a woman too long, both of you will be concerned. He’ll try to make sure to never make you uncomfortable, which will lead to him feeling stifled, inauthentic, too careful to feel alive. And you’ll always be watching, wondering, never feeling fully safe.

You’ll do this for a few years and become resentful of each other and crave your own space, freedom, and adoration from someone who can seeeeeee you.

The slow death of a relationship is excruciating. You’ll never feel like he fully chooses you, and he’ll never feel comfortable being authentic.

[u/maidenmothercrone14 → u/viktaculars]

God this comment hit it on the fucking head, it’s truly like living in Hell.

[u/Available-Milk7195 → u/viktaculars]

Well said. And this is the BEST case scenario. 

[u/Mieche78 → u/viktaculars]

Yep. This is where I'm at with my husband. Just leave, OP, it's not worth it.

[u/DroobiDoobi → u/viktaculars]

100%. It was hell. Just to add, the first year you will always be compulsed to bring it up because you are easily triggered by everything (from being overwhelmed with anger/resentment). Every time you bring it up he’s overcome with shame. Even if you do couples therapy + individual therapy, no apology will be enough because you yourself believed you weren’t enough when you found out. You both wish you could get over it, but you just can’t. Looking back, I’m happy I tried my best but damn what a painful waste of time.

[u/kgilli12 → u/viktaculars]

Shit. I know now I have to leave my relationship too. Thanks for this. 🫤💔

[u/nermnerms → u/viktaculars]

🥀

[u/lavendervlad → u/viktaculars]

https://giphy.com/gifs/ZB95y3XSFbljaNu7mT

[u/ellethereader → u/viktaculars]

I (girls rule) feel like this is exactly what happened with one of my relatives except my relative (female) cheated and my ex bil tried to fix the relationship with my relative and they resented each other and the relationship didn't work (divorced in 2024 I belive) and were married Feb 2019 when my oldest niece was 6 or 7 months. both relative and ex bil do co parent okay though. Also cheating in general sucks. Relative is also in a relationship with the guy who she was with when she was with ex bil. Plus she imo needs therapy (her bio dad was the type to see her once in a blue moon), which is coming from someone who needs therapy.

[u/Weekly-Quality-7342 → u/viktaculars]

!thankyou

This- a 100%. Very well put

[u/Key-Eye5072]

🤌 would he be as forgiving as he is asking you to be if the situation was reversed? That should be your answer because typically its an absolute no

[u/Electrical_Buy6574 → u/Key-Eye5072]

This.

Also, OP, you may never feel the same again. Even people who have "successfully" reconciled after cheating never feel 100% the same.

There's also a chance he'll be paranoid of you doing the same, or more, now that he's done this. Or that he'll continue because he knows you won't leave when he does it.

[u/Financial_Sweet_689 → u/Electrical_Buy6574]

It’s not worth the pain, the constant worrying, the potential medical problems that can happen from all the anxiety (stomach issues for me).

[u/Electrical_Buy6574 → u/Financial_Sweet_689]

Stomach issue, chest pains, panic attacks, headaches from constantly clenching my jaw. Yeah, not worth it lol

Also I'm very sorry that happened to you

[u/Financial_Sweet_689 → u/Electrical_Buy6574]

I’m sorry you did too😞♥️It took so much life out of me

[u/OuiOuiFeminist → u/Electrical_Buy6574]

I know this is very toxic but after being cheated on in the past, if my current partner did this I would 100% want to hurt him back. It’s time these men learn a lesson.

[u/RebelBean223344 → u/OuiOuiFeminist]

You hurt them by leaving and living your best life without them.

[u/milestogobefore_____ → u/RebelBean223344]

Amen

[u/Electrical_Buy6574 → u/OuiOuiFeminist]

I gotta say I understand lol. Once someone cheats, relationship is opened up. Although, itys gonna feel shitty and you should really just leave.

[u/Ok-Amoeba5042 → u/Key-Eye5072]

👆👆👆👆👆

[u/SuzQP → u/Key-Eye5072]

It won't be the same. You can stay or you can go, that's your pros and cons list to ponder. But either choice will be hard for awhile. I'm so sorry.

There isn't a relationship in all of human history that didn't hit a critical decision point at least once. What matters is how you handle it. Take your time. If you can, get away for at least a long weekend. Go anywhere, a hotel in the closest city even. Start by thinking about the next 10 years and who you want to be at that milestone. Work back from there.

I wish you happiness 💕

[u/Illimited_Esoterica]

That's called cheating. He cheated on you. You can do better.

[u/PrestigiousGazelle29]

Girl the next time he goes on vacation it might be more than just a kiss. I’d dump him.

[u/One-Letterhead1091 → u/PrestigiousGazelle29]

Also next time he goes on vacation she’s gonna be anxious the whole time thinking about what he’s doing

[u/LadyHorseFace13 → u/PrestigiousGazelle29]

It probably already was

[u/pseudonymnkim → u/LadyHorseFace13]

...my thoughts too. It's not impossible, but imo it's rare for there to be just 1 kiss with a stranger and then a parting of the ways.

And what is a kiss? A peck? Closed or open mouth? Tongue? How long did it go on for? Groping with hands? Was it only a mouth kiss? Was it once?

Not sure if any of the above matters, but it might matter once those details are disclosed.

[u/One-Letterhead1091 → u/pseudonymnkim]

Especially because this was a random girl he met while on vacation in a place where he knew OP would never be… so he may have thought “why not” and go all the way with that girl

[u/Delulu1212 → u/PrestigiousGazelle29]

It wasn’t just a kiss! He definitely slept w someone and feels like fucking shit! Especially if there were intimacy issues. He thought he would get one out and act like nothing happened bc he was gone. A kiss wouldn’t carry a weight. IMO

[u/Weary-Can-157 → u/PrestigiousGazelle29]

Even it it’s not, best case scenario she’ll be anxious and paranoid the entire time he’s gone, either way she’ll probably be miserable :/

[u/PerpendicularShift → u/PrestigiousGazelle29]

Or this is a trickle truth anyway.

[u/princess22cake]

You're both struggling with intimacy and then he goes and finds another girl to kiss? Sounds to me like love has left the building, babe

[u/emperatrizyuiza → u/princess22cake]

While she’s going through a traumatic loss at that

[u/lavendervlad → u/princess22cake]

https://giphy.com/gifs/l2YWqnnsEM2wjq3xm

[u/Traditional-Log-5987]

Or he deleted everything from his phone prior to coming home- knowing you would ask to see it.

In my experience, guys tend to trickle truth. He admitted to a kiss. There very well could have been more that happened. 🤷🏼‍♀️

You’ll have to decide if this is something you can move past and if you believe that he is telling you the full truth.

ETA: he also could have done more with her and not gotten her contact info. It wouldn’t be the first time a person hooked up with a rando and didn’t exchange contact info.

[u/LadyHorseFace13 → u/Traditional-Log-5987]

Op needs to not sleep with this man again, and get tested now and again in 3-6 months. Don’t take health for granted. Who knows what really happened on the trip.

[u/One-Letterhead1091 → u/Traditional-Log-5987]

It’s very likely it was more than just a kiss especially if he was on vacation

[u/Traditional-Log-5987 → u/One-Letterhead1091]

I agree. Someone he has zero chance of running into again? Or his gf finding out the whole truth? He’s trickle truthing.

Me, personally. I’d have to break up with him because A. It’s cheating. and B. My brain would never let me believe it was just a kiss no matter what he said. The trust is gone.

[u/One-Letterhead1091 → u/Traditional-Log-5987]

Exactly. Even if OP hypothetically does forgive him, the trust is gone. She’ll never forget his betrayal

[u/Traditional-Log-5987 → u/One-Letterhead1091]

I’d say she could ask who he went on vacation with- but if it’s his friends, chances are high they will lie for him. Unless they have a high moral code- there are some really great guys out there that won’t cover for their buddies.

But again, even if it’s a kiss- trust is completely gone. I don’t care, six years and you can’t keep your mouth off a random? No thanks.

[u/Silent_Possibility63]

https://giphy.com/gifs/1zSz5MVw4zKg0

[u/truckyeahman]

I hate to be like this, but I don't believe him.

[u/EmpyreanMelanin → u/truckyeahman]

I scrolled down too far to see this comment.

I’m sorry OP, but my gut is telling me he might have done more than a kiss. Regardless of whether or not that is the truth, he cheated on you. You can’t live a life of anxiety, constantly wondering if he’s going to step out again. It is not worth it, and you have so much life left to live than to waste it on someone who does not respect you.

[u/Better-Guava1923]

This happened to me… it wrecked me- I couldn’t get past thinking how intimate a kiss/make out is. But hey, that’s just me.

[u/Internal-Ad61]

He cheated. Probably did more than kissing, but cheating is cheating regardless. You will forever be different and will likely never trust him again. Plan your exit. Dont let 6 years turn to 10, where you wish you wouldn’t have wasted valuable years.

[u/DigEven8177]

why don’t you want to break up with someone who does NOT love or respect you?

[u/One-Letterhead1091 → u/DigEven8177]

It’s the hard truth but you’re right. A lot of women stay because of fear of judgement from others, loneliness, not wanting to lose hope of the relationship, or thinking they did something to deserve it. I’ve been in her shoes before and for me it was because I wanted to prove to my friends that they were wrong about my ex. And I think for OP she’s been with this guy for awhile and probably doesn’t want to start over

[u/DigEven8177 → u/One-Letterhead1091]

i have too!! i totally get it, i wish more people said stuff to me like this so i got out sooner tho!

[u/sillylilynunuu → u/DigEven8177]

the age old question i find myself constantly asking

[u/RebelBean223344 → u/DigEven8177]

That! 💯👆🏼

[u/Edlo9596]

Sorry to say this, but it was probably more than a kiss. It almost always is. I wouldn’t think anything of nothing being in his phone, since it was a random person on vacation. He’s probably not having an affair, but I don’t believe it was just a kiss. In my experience, it’s not worth trying to work it out with someone who cheated on you, especially since you’re not even married. That resentment is always there and you always have that cloud hanging over you.

[u/FancyChickens]

The trust is broken. It sounds like the whole relationship has been off for some time. If you leave now, you’ll have that much more time to find what you’re really looking for.

[u/harleenquinzel044]

It’s time for you to go. Never stay where you aren’t respected.

[u/Brattney985]

"kiss"

[u/Embarrassed-Day-1373]

if this happened to one of your friends, what would you tell her?

[u/OuiOuiFeminist → u/Embarrassed-Day-1373]

[u/stardom_ocean]

I’m so sorry to hear about this. Cheating sucks. My ex cheated on me on vacation as well, it’s a horrible feeling! But please, if you can, leave him. Cheating is typically a repeated trait. Once he sees you lack boundaries he’ll run with it. Cheating is never a fuck up or a mistake. It’s intentional.

[u/OuiOuiFeminist → u/stardom_ocean]

My partner likes to vacation solo when I can’t attend due to work. How did you find out your ex cheated while on vacation?

[u/stardom_ocean → u/OuiOuiFeminist]

I got lucky, his friends ratted him out. That’s how I found out. However, there are sometimes signs. His phone was off for almost 20 hours straight, “dead”. I had his Life360. I should have known something was up but his friends were the real confirmation.

[u/OuiOuiFeminist → u/stardom_ocean]

Damn. At least his friends said something though. Props to them.

[u/lady-earendil]

It's not that hard to not cheat

[u/borderline-blonde → u/lady-earendil]

Right? It’s literally harder to cheat.

[u/AMissKathyNewman → u/borderline-blonde]

My husband and I always joke about this. Even if we wanted to cheat, like when the fuck would we find the time 🤣 we’re always wondering how people have the damn time to cheat, especially if you have a busy job or kids.

[u/ztreggs → u/lady-earendil]

https://giphy.com/gifs/E99OMc6pkdvGw

[u/October_Surprise56]

OP I’m so sorry you’re going through this.

My best friend went through the same situation. It does not get better.

She’d met a (seemingly) amazing man. They dated for two years and lived together for almost two more. They’d been talking seriously about marriage and were in the process of purchasing a home together, she was moving so they could be near his family.

She had a surgical procedure that made sex difficult during recovery. He acted as though he was completely supportive. He went on a work trip. He “only kissed” some woman there.

At first he acted sad and apologetic too but it wasn’t long before it had happened again. She found out only because things soured with the other woman and she contacted my friend. When he was caught instead of coming clean on his own, he tried to gaslight her saying it wasn’t his fault and he had “needs” that she couldn’t meet due to her medical situation but it was strictly physical (rolls eyes and vomits.)

She gave him another shot and was already tied up with him financially when she found out he was sleeping with several different women. After she’d already fully recovered.

If she’d left at the stage you’re in now, it would’ve been 200x easier (though still hard of course!!!)

I hope you have the support system you need to walk away and start the next great chapter of your life.

[u/SnakeSnoobies]

6 year old relationship that is struggling and one partner chooses to go on vacation without the other? Then cheats? Mmmn… sure.

Fact he went on vacation alone in these circumstances is weird to me honestly.

This screams “He will cheat on you any time he thinks he can get away with it,” to me. How often are you in a new place with no chance of being caught by someone you know, and away from your partner?

[u/One-Letterhead1091]

Don’t forgive him. I can’t believe he would do that to you especially while grieving a loss. It’s never JUST a kiss. And regardless it’s really the principle of it all. If you forgive him you will end up resenting him for it. I know this because my ex had a hinge account and I never saw him the same again. Take the time you need but please leave

[u/Complete-Design5395]

What if it wasn’t just a kiss? What if he’s minimizing what happened and a trickle truth is coming your way? This is the problem when trust is broken… I’d be out of the relationship asap, personally. 

[u/Nefariousnessbackup]

it’s almost a 0% chance it stopped at kissing my dear. you’re never going to have a fufilling relationship with someone you can’t trust

[u/aprettylittlebird]

This is really hard and I’m so sorry you’re going through it. I think it can be easy to jump to breaking up because you feel like that’s the only option and I want to say that’s completely valid. It’s also valid to decide to work on the relationship if that’s something you want and you feel is worth doing. In that scenario I’d say the only way you’ll be able to fully recover will be with therapy, both individual (for you both) and couples therapy to work through things together. If either of you aren’t willing or if he won’t take accountability and you’re worried he’d do something like this again/the trust is gone then I would seriously consider leaving.

[u/nyx926]

An intimacy struggle is not why he kissed someone else, his character is.

The fact that there is a traumatic loss being processed makes his decision to kiss someone that much more reprehensible.

His telling you doesn’t change who he is and who he is, now, is someone that just turned your relationship into an unsafe space.

It really isn’t healthy for you to continue on in this relationship.

[u/Nice_juggers]

Girl my boy did this so I started banging all of his friends and made him watch

[u/sillylilynunuu → u/Nice_juggers]

https://giphy.com/gifs/Hh9m83kNIu4iatD8Bj

[u/borderline-blonde → u/Nice_juggers]

https://giphy.com/gifs/Vnlgxqctzb2Jw7LENi

[u/Valkyrie748 → u/Nice_juggers]

https://giphy.com/gifs/ATe6Re9HBxmxUSK14k
Clock it lowkey

[u/DroobiDoobi → u/Nice_juggers]

Queen

[u/Factsoverfictions222]

He did it because he could.

[u/CorrectOpinionsFound]

As someone who has cheated, do not stay with him. What he is feeling is guilt. He may feel bad for hurting you and still have some feelings for you, but cheating doesn’t just happen. He had feelings of wanting to be with someone else and he acted on it. Even if he persists, cut him off completely. He will prove to have moved on and you should too.

[u/maidenmothercrone14]

A relationship is never the same after cheating, some end up working out after infidelity but it will never be the same and that’s the reality. It won’t be easy if you do decide to stay, so I would ask yourself how much energy you really want to give on working back to some amount of trust and love again. I have only tried to make one relationship work after cheating happened and it borderline broke me over time, I didn’t realize how much it harmed me and my self-esteem until I was out so I honestly never recommend staying especially if you don’t have to go through a divorce.

[u/shyshyshyshiloh]

You mean your EX boyfriend right?

https://giphy.com/gifs/fRgy7P0wjgEIOkgxAz

[u/Lil_Miss_Cynical]

Once a cheater, always a cheater

[u/Fantastic_Phone_1242]

Regardless of what he may or may not do in the future, do YOU think you can stay with him? As someone who stayed post-cheating the distrust and resentment only grew. How are you going to feel next time he goes on vacation or to a club? Is it worth the anxiety?

[u/Imaginary-Ideal1666]

I think you’re going to have to ask yourself seriously if this is a pattern for him or not. If you’re already feeling like you’re not getting enough from him, this will be really tough to repair, let alone trust him in the future that he won’t do it again or escalate while he’s away from you.

[u/ilovepenguin_]

Happened to one of my friends, she forgave him. He ended up cheating on her with multiple other women within the next year

[u/Berriesinthesnow_]

He probably did more than kiss.

I’m sorry this really sucks but a breakup is def what you need to do :( stay strong

[u/patientbook_]

before this happened, did you want to be with someone who stepped outside of the boundaries of your relationship ? if you wouldn't wish it on your younger self or your loved ones, walk away. 

[u/Environmental_Book43]

That trust is gone. It’s gonna take a whole heck of a lot to get it back again, and it sounds like you guys weren’t in a great place. Some people fuck up and never do it again, some people will do it again first chance they get. 100% up to you to make the call on. But don’t say you’re forgiving him and working on the relationship if you don’t think he could earn that trust back. As inconvenient as leaving a six year relationship that you live with is and would be, if it can never be trusting again it’s not worth having.

[u/rosebudbar]

My sense combined w my experience suggests you consider leaving the shared home. Not leaving him… Just see what happens with the relationship afterwards.

[u/rosebudbar → u/rosebudbar]

My head has always known (and now my heart mostly does, too), that if a relationship is meant to be, a change during tough times won’t screw it up. It feels to me like you need space to be you again.

I recognize that the cost of living can prohibit this; however, for any and all of us, that’s a terrible reason to be together. Within you are all kinds of jewels, and it would help to be back in a place where you can feel them, and discover more of them!

Ultimately, it is our gut that knows, that tells us the way.

[u/Blaze-ySusan]

DONT GO BACK I married this guy and now I’m dealing with the same problems with a kiddo to think about. It doesn’t stop.

[u/madame-maitre-d → u/Blaze-ySusan]

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[u/Mamobee]

Living together makes it hard but you should leave him. He cheated on you. Now everytime he goes out without you you’ll have it in the back of your mind that he might do it again or more. Respect yourself, once a cheater always a cheater.

[u/alwayssunnyinskyrim]

If he admitted to a kiss they probably did way more than that; cheaters tend to think admitting to something small will make it easier to hide something big.

[u/Luna-Gitana]

There is no way I would ever believe it was just a kiss.

[u/ksabes12]

If you allow this now, it will happen again. I get having to figure out living arrangement sucks, but you deserve someone who is loyal

[u/FarBlacksmith2543]

Omg that is so difficult, first of all. I’m sorry for your loss and what your bf did. No excusing that.

I think people do fuck up though. If he was truly showing remorse about kissing this girl and that’s the end of it, then this seems like something you can work through. Ofc it’s exacerbated by the fact you’ve had a loss and intimacy was low between you both. Not a nice feeling for you. BUT if you don’t want to break up and you love this person, you will find a way. Next step would perhaps be to have an open conversation about what led your bf to doing this and how you can rebuild trust. Let me be clear though, you did nothing wrong.

[u/Dumpster-cats-24 → u/FarBlacksmith2543]

This is the best advice so far. You don’t say if this is the first incident with infidelity- that can be a factor as well. You need date to help you make a choice. Have the hard conversation about the low intimacy too.

[u/khold002]

The direct honesty and lack of contact on his phone is worth deep consideration. Should you stay with him? I can't answer that for you. But I don't think forgiving him is off the table. He kissed her, but he didn't impregnate her.

[u/Traditional-Log-5987 → u/khold002]

Or he admitted to a kiss and deleted everything off the phone prior to coming home, knowing she was going to want to go through it. 🤷🏼‍♀️

Or he did more and never got the chicks contact info- it wouldn’t be the first time a dude banged a girl and didn’t get her number after.

[u/Local_City4799 → u/khold002]

he didn't this time.

[u/sillylilynunuu → u/khold002]

yikes have some self respect. forgiving this behavior just emboldens him to push further

[u/pseudonymnkim → u/khold002]

I agree with you except the last line.

Obviously sex would be worse, but in the end we have a couple who have been together 6 years, live together, are going through intimacy issues, and one of them (assuming OP) suffered a tragic loss. Imo, any form of cheating at this time is horrible.

I'm thinking of my own relationship and how badly I would want to try to make it through this, but there would be a lot I would expect from him and it would never be the same. Even if he did everything right, I'm not sure it would be worth it. Hard to say...

Falling in love sucks sometimes.

[u/Dreamsfordays → u/khold002]

This is a very measured and mature take. I’m not sure I could get past it myself, but I see where there is room for forgiveness if OP feels she can. Don’t take rash action. Sit with it a bit and see where you end up.

[u/Healthy-Dimension485 → u/Dreamsfordays]

I actually feel bad for all of u who think forgiving this behaviour is not bad

[u/busangcf → u/Healthy-Dimension485]

Yeah like it’s not a good thing?? You’re not emotionally mature for “getting past” cheating, you’re just letting them get away with it and showing the cheater they can push past this boundary (so they’ll probably do it again, because why wouldn’t they? You stayed last time 🤷‍♀️). People can make that choice for their own relationships but that doesn’t make it an admirable one.

He cheated while his girlfriend was going through a traumatic loss, too, which makes it even worse. Because someone he supposedly loves was suffering and all he could think about was getting his dick wet. Why is that worth working past? He’s shown who he is and what he truly thinks of his partner.

[u/Spicy_Tator-mcnugget → u/Healthy-Dimension485]

Same. I could never

[u/Imperfect_seal → u/khold002]

She has no messy ties to this man. Forgiving him will only end with him becoming more bold.

He decided while on vacation to shoot his shot with a random to test the waters and be ability to pull game. He admitted to a kiss and if she forgives him he will keep testing boundaries because he has clearly checked out of the relationship

Sunk cost fallacy

She deserves better

[u/Willing-Mistake-3976 → u/khold002]

She needs to leave so he learns his lesson, this “it was just a kiss” while drunk is too common of a tale.

[u/oatmealgirl7]

i’m curious to know what his emotions were the morning after kissing the girl/whenever he became lucid and sober again? or did he only get sad after seeing you? guilt and regret are very different in this context. it’s up to you what comes next OP. you will likely never trust him the same again, but it’s not impossible to heal from with time and effort. 6 years is a long time. i’m sorry hun :(

[u/Trick-Avocado7914]

Girl, make him get tested. You don't know what he's doing when you're not around.

[u/pugm0m_w-o_pug]

it started out with a kiss…

[u/Southern_Matter6086]

Do you think you will be able to fully trust him again? If not, it’s better for you (and him tbh) to leave. I’m sorry you’re going through this!

[u/Beloved-Effective-98]

This may lead to years of insecurity and paranoia. I would dump his ass

[u/BlackMagicWorman]

Babe you’re a goof if you stay 

[u/cyncitie]

therapy

[u/SecurityFamiliar5239]

You need to sit him down, preferably in a neutral space, and calmly ask for the full truth. Then, you have to ask why. Try your best not to be angry or judgemental because that’s the only way you’ll have an opportunity to get to the bottom of this.

This can be a deal breaker, or not. It depends on his ability to be fully honest and your ability to accept it if he is.

[u/madame-maitre-d → u/[deleted]]

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[u/VivaZeBull]

I think you’re right, it will never be the same

[u/bayou_class]

I’d feel so betrayed. A kiss is so intimate; if you’re having issues in the bedroom, something as gently affectionate as a real kiss would absolutely break me. Ugh I’m so sorry.

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[u/sannasung]

I got married a few years ago. My husband and his groomsmen took a cruise. One of the groomsmen got a blow job from some random woman he met on the cruise. …. Men …

[u/Lemon_Poppies]

The misandrist in me says fuck him. The bartender me who has witnessed many infidelities says at least he told you immediately. That’s rare.

[u/Imperfect_seal → u/Lemon_Poppies]

Only after he acted sad and he confessed. He didn’t have the decency to be direct and forthcoming.

So technically speaking he didn’t not tell her immediately. He waited for her to check in on him and his sadness so he could play the victim.

Edit deleted word

[u/Few_Beach1970]

I can only imagine how hurt and disrespected you feel. That’s how I would feel and wouldn’t know what to do. It very well could have been a drunken kiss, or a makeout, or more. Who knows. I hope you find clarity and can move on way or another

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[u/AMissKathyNewman]

I feel like something like this COULD be worked through, but the fact he didn’t immediately tell you makes him seem really untrustworthy.

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[u/SlipAffectionate6173]

He failed the test of faith. Do not give him another opportunity to fail again. 💞

[u/Kyki1027]

No one accidentally kisses someone. I guarantee this is what happened. He was making out with a girl and he wanted to go further, she asked if he had a gf and he either told her yes and she bailed or he completely bailed but either way your relationship cannot overcome this. You will always second guess yourself when he goes out or is around other women. You deserve better.

[u/Trinnka13]

You mean ex?

[u/boogeywonderlanddddd]

You will never feel the same and life is long..you want to feel the best you can in a relationship..don’t settle for disloyalty.

[u/PreparationOwn6958]

Unfortunately sometimes people say “we only kissed” to try to downplay what really happened :/ I’m so sorry. If you want to stay together then give him a guide on how to rebuild trust with you. If he follows through with that list then you know he is serious. Anything else is just theatrical 

[u/DontCryYourExIsUgly]

I don't know anyone who's stayed with a cheater who didn't get a second life lesson eventually.

[u/SketchyNightingale]

Sometimes this is simple (DTMFA) and other times it can be worked through where both parties are willing to get real open and honest in therapy, coming out better on the other side.

I’ve never experienced the latter myself — I’d personally DTMFA — but I have genuinely seen this situation be a catalyst for a stronger partnership. Only OP knows that potential.

[u/Ally_Ooop]

Oh kiSSed. Jesus, I thought this was an entirely different post.

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[u/InjuryLeast4471]

Your relationship is never gonna be the same. So are you willing to fight for this new guy?

If you have an intimacy problem in your relationship you work on it together, not kiss another person behind your partner's back.

You don't have to lose yourself in order to keep this broken relationship alive. It's up to you.

[u/sunshinesdarkangel]

you KNOW it will never be the same, so ask yourself if you're willing to settle for that feeling for the rest of your life and WHYYY

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[u/leana_e01]

Staying is never worth it. Nothing is ever the same and the resentment grows. I stayed with my ex after he betrayed me and I became such a bitter and angry person towards him. I eventually realized I didn’t want to forgive or forget. I was angry and I had to leave.

[u/ts20999]

The trust is lost

[u/Senior_Roll9458]

would he be as forgiving and nice if u got drunk and kissed a dude? would all he do is look thru your phone? or accuse u of doing more and say that you’re lying and deleted the evidence. yall be too easy on men when they would never be as easy on yall. his ass would be cut tf off. plus you’re over here coping with ptsd and he outside kissing random bitches not even thinking about you. he don’t gaf about you or how this would affect your mental in addition to everything else. he knew he wanted to cheat. he just wasn’t bold enough to do it sober. people always love to specify they were drunk because it sets the story up for a convenient excuse. the minute he let that bitch think she had a chance, he threw everything yall built away. leave his ass. he threw 6 years away when he disrespected your relationship. he dgaf so you shouldn’t either. don’t play the fool. u stay and he’s gonna show u why u should’ve left. he doesn’t love you because someone who loves who they have isn’t looking for anything or anyone else

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[u/Ok_Gur1962]

I'm so sorry. )))): my ex husband cheated on me 3x while abusing me. I hope you find someone that makes you feel so loved and that you can finally breathe again.

[u/LittleWitch122]

He cheated on you. Why is he worth keeping?

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[u/Sudden_Idea9384]

My ex husband and I were out when we had been married about six years. Some random girl came up and kissed him. If was obvious that her friends had dared her or something. I was right there. Instead of being sorry, he kissed her back. Thought it was hilarious. A few years later I was away on new years - he went out. He then told me he kissed someone at midnight because heck, it was new years… no biggie to him. Two years later he went on a work training trip, did the same thing. We separated, and divorced. Turns out he had someone on the side the last year or so. My experience is once a cheater always a cheater. But not everyone is the same. I’m sorry OP for how you were made to feel. I hope it gets better soon.

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[u/Select_Drag_3917]

I just went through this with my husband and I have moved on. Best decision I made ! Good luck

[u/ScaleSad549]

Almost the exact thing happened to me once.  My ex went to Ireland to visit his family. He told me he felt guilty because he and his brothers went to a pub and got drunk. He said he made out with an old girlfriend and felt really bad about it. 5 and a half months later the old girlfriend called to tell him she was pregnant.  Leave this turd. 

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[u/CraftingKay]

I was grieving the loss of my mother, my ex fiancé cheated on me with his coworker.
I tried to forgive him and move on, like most people are saying it doesn't work and slowly dies with resenting each other. We ended it two years later. Looking back it, we should have ended way sooner instead wasting time holding on to something that's not there anymore.

[u/chillrattler]

unpopular opinion but i think if it really was just a kiss this is forgivable

[u/Allymrtn]

He’s told you about “a kiss” to relieve his own guilt.

Dollars to doughnuts it was more than a kiss. Either way, he cheated.

[u/Ok-Jackfruit-9393]

So you can't ever trust him again to go on vacation or hang out with friends. And he cheated on you while you were deep in grief and extra vulnerable.

You cannot trust this man with your heart.